Storm Comments for 3/21

[Ace309 0]

I figured I'd start this thread with the poll, although I don't have time to comment on everything right now.

[Coffin Surfer 0]

Not sure who wrote it(Stephens/Landon) but the finish of the tag match suddenly turned pretty epic. It brings to mind Misawa/Akiyama(or Kobashi) vs. Kawada/Taue reversed with the faces isolating and destroying the super heel. By the time Stephens eventually falls it feels like the faces conquered a mountain. Plenty of story progression with some face payback and possible team split.

[Toxxic 0]

That would have been Wild & Dangerous.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Damn, have we fallen that far? People think that the only way we could have gotten a win against Toxxic and Landon is if they wrote it? Do we suck that bad?

[Coffin Surfer 0]

Damn, have we fallen that far? People think that the only way we could have gotten a win against Toxxic and Landon is if they wrote it? Do we suck that bad?

 

No, I just recall all of your matches being in puke green font.

 

At any event, great match.

[Toxxic 0]

I think you've just offended him more than saying they could only win if we jobbed... IT'S TEAL, TEAL, TEAL!

 

(Damn WC, I'm colourblind and I still think that's a nasty colour. Or maybe it's because I'm colourblind. Who knows)

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Damn, have we fallen that far? People think that the only way we could have gotten a win against Toxxic and Landon is if they wrote it? Do we suck that bad?

 

No, I just recall all of your matches being in puke green font.

Oh. Well, I always turn the matches in in teal, but the markers strip my tags before giving it to the head marker...

 

They did leave it one time, though; I totally marked.

[The Ill One 0]

I'm going to read the show in a second but congrats to W&D and Wildchild, just out of curiousity- why the love for teal?

[Secret Agent 0]

I should start posting everything in this color. Tag team unity!

[Coffin Surfer 0]

"They did leave it one time, though; I totally marked."

 

Evidently, the one match of yours I've read.

 

Seriously, only once? Wow. It must have just stuck with me.

[Toxxic 0]

OK, actual comments rather than just ripping on WC's colour of choice:

 

First, an excellent, EXCELLENT promo from Landon.

 

Secondly, what other way is there to win a reverse inferno match other than by MANONOSITY~!?

 

Thirdly, and my main focus, the Fabulous Jakey’s debut. I’ll admit at the start that I’m not a fan of the name ‘The Fabulous Jakey’, I’d have preferred something like ‘The Fabulous One’ Jakey [insert surname, possibly gimmicked, here], but that’s just me and I’m walking around with a wrestler whose ringname matches a Britney Spears song if you add an ‘x’ to it, so I’m possibly not one to talk.

 

You seem to have the characters of the announcers down fairly well, King probably indeed would call for a bathroom break on someone’s debut, and laugh at the first sight of Jakey. One thing I would note though is that dialogue is easier to read if there’s a line break between each speaker.

 

You’ve established Jakey as the heel right off the bat with the stretching in the corner to delay the start, which I like. Clarke comes over and gets things moving, and this pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the match, with Clarke being the aggressor and taking it to Jakey, who gets his offence in more as a result of an in reaction to Clarke’s than because he sets it up himself. I like the slap to the face after the schoolboy, very heelish, and Jakey using it to lure Clarke into chasing him around the ring and then back in to set up the stomps is a classic heel routine that never gets tired. Another staple is the ‘throwing the cruiserweight off the pin’ routine, although I’m not sure if this would do enough damage to Jakey for Clarke to have time to get up and start stomping; a minor quibble, however.

 

Jakey brings out yet another classic heel trick by low-bridging the ropes to send Clarke over to the outside, but then Clarke reasserts himself as the dominant force in the match. Jakey gets back on top in a logical way, using his speed to counter into a headscissors, and then a dickish kick to the back before a resthold sequence that makes sense (WWE take note); Jakey uses the surfboard to try and wear his bigger, stronger opponent down, and when Clarke starts fighting out of it he goes for the full-body sleeper which is even harder to escape unless Clarke uses his full bodyweight.

 

The crossbody for two, with Clarke then rolling through for another two works - what I would say is that it’s a good idea to get a cohesive pattern for how you do things, so for example always having your counts go

 

ONE--

 

TWO--

 

or whatever, which I only mention because on the ‘Clarke throws him off’ pin you just said he got a two count rather than doing it the same way. In a similar way, King and Mak have quotation marks around their dialogue almost all the way through, except where Mak explains that Clarke doesn’t know who his opponent is tonight. Having a consistent way of doing something, whatever that thing is, helps your match read better.

 

The finishing sequence; I don’t like finisher kickouts as a rule, except in BIG matches. I wouldn’t even think of doing one except on PPV, and quite possibly not even then. Of course, Toxxic is rather fragile, but all the same. On the other hand, Clarke IS enhancement talent and the idea is to put yourself over. At the end of the day everyone has different ways of doing things, but for me personally a finisher should normally finish things unless it’s a big title match or a real grudge match. Then after that we have a series of kicks, which makes sense since Clarke would be incensed, and a beautiful example of ref distraction into a low blow. From there I’m a little unsure what happens because to my mind a Springboard DDT would be one delivered after springboarding off the ropes; perhaps, since you say he grabs the front facelock first, you mean a Tornado DDT? However, whatever it is, it’s good enough to do the job and the Fabulous Jakey picks up his first win, already cemented as a heel.

 

What I liked about the match: Clearly-defined characters, with Jakey as the sneaky, cheating heel and Clarke as the hot-headed, aggressive face. A series of spots that, while none of them were massively innovative, were well-constructed and tied together to tell the story of Clarke looking to put this little squirt away, while Jakey bides his time and waits for the moment to strike. It was easy to envisage the match in my head, and it had the sort of classic face/heel formula that would be recognised anywhere.

 

What I didn’t like about the match: Jakey took a little too much punishment with no real effect. He got the absolute snot beaten out of him, including taking Clarke’s finisher, but it still seemed that most of his being beaten down was an act to con the ref. Granted, Clarke’s moveset is a little impact-heavy and it might be hard to write a slightly more balanced match, but given the difference in their respective sizes it seemed a little hard to believe that Jakey basically took the shitkicking, then went ‘low blow, DDT, win’. It seems that what you’re writing is a sort of heel cross between Spike Dudley (small but determined, and harder to kill than he looks) and Christian Cage (not that physically imposing, but smart enough that it doesn’t matter). Which is great, and should be an interesting character to write, but I think that if you’re going to have him take the majority of the offence in the match and then win after some cheating he should be a little more hurt by it. Maybe trying to give more of a vibe of ‘he can take the lumps and waits for a chance to sneak a win’ rather than ‘hit him all you like, he doesn’t care’ which should be reserved more for the monster heels.

 

Also, I think a little work on the presentation would do wonders - line breaks between the commentators talking, that sort of thing. However, overall I’d say this was a very promising debut and I look forward to seeing more of the Fabulous Jakey. I’d like it if he changed his name a little… but that’s just me

[Above Average 0]

Sorry my promos almost finished but I fell asleep last night at my laptop and couldn't finish this morning. Actual show comments when I'm done with the 'money promo'.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

I'm going to read the show in a second but congrats to W&D and Wildchild, just out of curiousity- why the love for teal?

I don't like writing in black ink.

 

When I was in high school and college (the first time), I used to write everything with Pilot Precise Pens. I rotated between blue and purple. Well, when I joined the Navy, I learned that blue ink is "illegal" because they use blue lights in CDC/CIC, and you can't read blue ink under blue lights (Incidentally, red ink is also "illegal" because when Darken Ship is set, the only light that's permitted outside of CDC/CIC is red light). I also couldn't use purple because it was the CO's "official" color, and nobody else on the ship was allowed to write anything in purple ink, lest they be flogged, or something.

 

So, I switched to teal on a whim, and have been writing/typing everything in teal ever since.

[The Ill One 0]

That's actually a more in-depth story than I expected, does anybody else even comment about it anymore? By the way I actually read the main event (I mean to get to the rest soon) and I liked it a lot 'cept the "WC: CAW CAW Crowd: CAW CAW" part.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

You don't like the bird call? You, who were technically the first-ever victim of the Bird Dropping?

[Ace309 0]

FYI, 8 slots for matches; only the Main was competitive, with one double no-show, with 5 matches written. However, the two enhancement talent matches were both written. The show rate was therefore 62.5%.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

What was the expected rate, Tom? And what number were you hoping for?

[Ace309 0]

That was a pretty reasonable showing, considering there was a punishment match, and one of the potential slots was Myers, who we appear to have lost again (unfortunately); another was Xero, who no-showed last week, which I attributed to it being a Hardcore match I shouldn't have booked him in.

 

I'm hoping everything on the PPV is competitive, obviously.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Yeah, Myers/Bruce is currently AWOL. Has been for a few weeks, might be an idea not to book him for a while.

 

Akira and Cross didn't even show for the Inferno Match? Jesus Christ, no wonder that State Of The SWF went up when it did, if certain people give that little of a shit.

[Ace309 0]

Just wanted to kick in here and say that, having read his match, Jakey has definite potential. For a first match, I was really pleased with what he did - kicking out of the finisher was a bit over the top, but this match was supposed to be a sort of condensed version of Jakey to introduce the character, and he did that ably. I'm sure he'll grow some polish as he goes along, just like we all did, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he does at the PPV.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Having re-read Danny's comments...

 

Hey Johnny, you get your hands on some puro and didn't tell me?

[Secret Agent 0]

Having re-read Danny's comments...

 

Hey Johnny, you get your hands on some puro and didn't tell me?

 

Not lately. The latter portions of the match were based on Stephens' latest matches against W&D and the street fight, as I wanted to try and have some contunity going.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

And see, that's why I didn't stand a chance when I tried to write against Maddix and Toxxic by myself back in December; I don't think of shit like that...

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

cause youz a hoe.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

You just finish watching the Player's Club, Spike?

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

pimp slap.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

Yeah, I kind of forgot that I was going on vacation...I'll try and show next time for real.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

How does one forget when they're going on vacation?

[The Amazing Rando 0]

I wrote my Iron Man while on vacation... it was a combination of me hating the beach and dragging my laptop along with me, along with not realizing that the week of the PPV was the same week as my family's vacation. I averaged around 4K a day, I think, with about 3K wrote before we actually left.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

How does one forget when they're going on vacation?

 

I don't know really. I told Tom to put me in a punishment match the next week if I no-showed again...and I did, and then it was booked, and before you know it I had to start packing.