Eating at Applebees for the first time in four years.

[Jingus]

This was part of the return of a to-and-from solo trip to Atlanta. This was the longest drive I've ever taken alone; the four hours between that city and Valdosta made me realize I'll never be a trucker.

 

4 hours? I can't even get 1/3 of the way out of my state in 4 hrs. Sometimes I wish I lived in some of the smaller states on the east coast for that very reason.

Yeah, having just moved to Texas, you don't realize how damn big this state is until you see it personally, like Khali unnatural freaky big. I live north of Dallas, and for someone to drive from here to Scarlett's hometown would take almost as long as it would for me to drive all the way back to Tennessee.

 

Although, the specific drive GZ is talking about ain't fun, Atlanta is a traffic nightmare and all the interstates going to and from it are pretty bland and don't have near enough rest stops.

[Guest Vitamin X]

You're telling me! I've driven across the country 3 times in the past 4 years, the last trip being entirely by myself from Miami to Portland. That's as far as you can go while remaining in the continental U.S., unless I continued up to Seattle.

 

Shit, if I rode for three days straight out east, I'd probably be in Chicago. I had no problem making it from Miami to Baton Rouge, LA in 13 hours, then OK City by the end of the next day.

 

Hmmm, maybe then again I could make it to Toronto instead.

[sfaJack]

This was part of the return of a to-and-from solo trip to Atlanta. This was the longest drive I've ever taken alone; the four hours between that city and Valdosta made me realize I'll never be a trucker.

 

4 hours? I can't even get 1/3 of the way out of my state in 4 hrs. Sometimes I wish I lived in some of the smaller states on the east coast for that very reason.

My favorite is that sign on I-10 just past the state line from Louisiana that says "EL PASO 897".

[Guest Vitamin X]

by the way, it takes roughly 12-14 hours on I-10 to get from one end of Texas to the other, so Scarlett's assessment is pretty close. I know that from El Paso to San Antonio is about 8 hours of nothing.

[gWIL]

I work for Applebee's. Although I wouldn't ever eat there If I didn't get half off, it's actually a pretty good company to work for. The general rumor abounding is that IHOP is going to bring about big changes. And the reason the servers push that charity stuff so much is because they get what are pretty much bonuses for selling large numbers of them. And jesus man, it's a dollar. To help dying children.

[Smartly Pretty]

This is kinda out there, but since we're talking about long trips and I-95 kind of a little bit, you know those signs for South of the Border? Has anyone ever been there? That place looks awesome.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

When I was in college, I was fired/mercy quit from Applebees after saying "fuck" in front of a bunch of customers after only half a shift. Foodservice ain't my bag.

[King Kamala]

This is kinda out there, but since we're talking about long trips and I-95 kind of a little bit, you know those signs for South of the Border? Has anyone ever been there? That place looks awesome.

 

 

No, but I've always wanted to and figured if I actually did stop there, it'd be a massive disappointment.

[Steve J. Rogers]

This is kinda out there, but since we're talking about long trips and I-95 kind of a little bit, you know those signs for South of the Border? Has anyone ever been there? That place looks awesome.

 

Stayed there once in 1991. Not much except for a Mexican themed area and cheap hotel/food joints. No clue about how much it has changed or not in the ensuing 15 years though.

[Steve J. Rogers]

I went to a local Applebee's the other day and had some rib bits. Apparantly I was under the impression that they'd be boneless rather than St. Louis style and ended up with my napkin to my mouth often. Lord knows how that must have looked to other patrons.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

This is kinda out there, but since we're talking about long trips and I-95 kind of a little bit, you know those signs for South of the Border? Has anyone ever been there? That place looks awesome.

 

 

No, but I've always wanted to and figured if I actually did stop there, it'd be a massive disappointment.

The signs scattered alongside I-95 were a good cure for interstate delirium. The place itself? Bad food and lots of tourist shops. Also, in 2001, when a friend and I stopped by on our way up north, you could get fireworks real cheap. I don't know about now.

[justsoyouknow]

The only good thing about Applebees is the happy hour. Go with four guys, each of you orders something different, you get half-priced drinks, you graze off of each other's plates, you're out thirty dollars.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

You guys suck each other off afterwards?

[justsoyouknow]

After a few of those Perfect Margaritas, who knows.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

All kidding aside, what you described doesn't sound at all appealing. Maggianos has an okay happy hour, as far as these places go. I can drink Guinness (which is the only better-than-okay beer you can find at most chains) for cheap and get $2 appetizers that are not inedible.

[Guest •]

Last time I went to Applebee's was like October 2004, because they were doing all-you-can-eat riblets or something, which weren't awful. When it comes to awful chain restaurants near strip malls, TGI Friday's is the only one I absolutely cannot stand, and always seemed to end up going to with my family. Applebee's has always been thoroughly average for me, and I think I had a decent BBQ pork sandwich from Chili's. Ruby Tuesday gave me food poisoning once, and I'll never go back.

 

On the topic of chain dining, how do you guys feel about the Cheesecake Factory? Me, I'm underwhelmed. There's one in Woodfield that I end up going to now and then, and I never seem to walk away from it saying "I'm glad I went there." First of all, there's always a long wait that necessitates those Logan's Run-ish LED discs that you hold for like 20 minutes in the loud and crowded restaurant lobby. There's always way too much clattering of porcelain dishes. The menu is extensive but unremarkable, and the physical menu itself is this little spiral-bound plastic thing that looks like the Franklin-Covey daily planners they hand out to you in middle school and punish you with detentions for not filling out, and as for the numerous items on the menu, they seem to be matched almost 1:1 by advertisements for real estate agents and ice skate rentals and other such Schaumburgian businesses. I think I always end up getting some variation on a chicken sandwich. The portions are big, which is apparently a big selling point, but I have no use for a fuckload of French fries, so it means nothing to me. I've never even had any of the namesake cheesecake. Oh well. I hate the Cheesecake Factory.

[Edwin MacPhisto]

I like how the lights they have on each booth look like the Eye of Sauron.

 

The cheesecakes at said Factory are really good, if ludicrously overpriced. Food is meh, and I'd stick to their excessive burgers. In high school, my friends and I would sometimes make an expedition of heading to the one up in Tampa, kind of ironically but still tempted by the lure of some overpowering Dulce de Leche cheesecake slices. Not really sure why we felt like making dinner an ironic choice, but I guess that's misspent youth for you. There's one in my neighborhood now, and the only time I've been there was when I was dangerously hungry and couldn't get a table in less than 30 minutes anywhere else within 4 blocks.

[Boon]

It's pretty hit-or-miss at the Cheesecake Factory for me. You know you're going to spend a lot of money there. But if you get good service, the food is usually worth it and, at least in my experience, the ambiance is enjoyable. However in the last excursion there, our waitress poured water onto my friend's shoes and spoke broken English with a thick Baltic accent. Normally, said lingual shortcomings are a requirement for the women who service my compatriot, but not when she was trying to explain the specials. I'd suggest picking up some cheesecake to go.

[Nighthawk]

If I ever end up moving back to Tampa, I'm going to drive there.

 

Regarding Applebees, at my old job at the sporting goods store, they would occasionally have lunch there, because it was right next door. Everyone would have water, and I'd order a giant umbrella drink, like Garth Algar or something. I only did it to be funny, because you can't get a buzz on those things.

There was also a company trip once where I had eight shots of whiskey at the airport, bought a Hustler and read it on the plane. I ended up getting sick of that job, but you could get away with pretty much anything. And after all that, I got fired for calling somebody a dumb bitch.

[Cheech Tremendous]

Oh fuck the Cheesecake Factory. There is always and I mean always, a ridiculously long wait. By the time I get to the table I usually have gone from hungry to thoroughly annoyed. Then they give you this menu with roughly 1,000 items to choose from. I can never find what I want or narrow it down because I have to juggle fifteen pages of choices. Therefore, I end up with some mediocre meal that I didn't want in the first place that comes in such a large portion that I ruin my appetite for dessert, which was the whole reason I came to said restaurant in the first place. Fuck them.

[Edwin MacPhisto]

Actually, the one great thing I've ever had at the Cheesecake Factory was during the aforementioned "nowhere else has seats" meal. They made a surprisingly wonderful roasted artichoke appetizer. Get that shit and a cake and kick it.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

I have little to add to the Cheesecake Factory discussion other than I briefly worked as a waiter at one. It was the worst job I ever had.

[godthedog]

you don't seem like the type to take a waiter job in general.

 

cheesecake factory has very good chicken marsala. and i get a kick out of how hard the set-up tries to be las vegas.

[Nighthawk]

Incy and Agent both seem very little like waiters. Kotz, now he's a waiter.

 

I don't think I've ever been to the Texas Cheesecake Depository, actually. Which is funny, because I love cheesecake.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

I can be very charming/engaging.

[Nighthawk]

Well so can I, but that doesn't mean I'd be a good waiter. I've done a fair bit of retail though.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

I've had three jobs in food service, and was appalling at each one.

 

1. Line prep in a nursing home. (summers, age 16 and 17)

2. Arby's. (summer, age 19)

3. Applebee's server. (summer, age 19)

 

The more I think about it, I've had very few jobs compared to most people.

[Guest Vitamin X]

I've had roughly about 20 or so. I hate stability.

[Edwin MacPhisto]

I've had three jobs in food service, and was appalling at each one.

 

1. Line prep in a nursing home. (summers, age 16 and 17)

I did that too. First job, a robust $5.75/hour at age 15. It was also my job to deliver dinner to the blind or totally immobile people every night, which led to one of the more distinct memories I have from that summer. Walked into the room, didn't see anyone, put down the tray, and then noticed the old woman sprawled on the floor, contorted like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. She looked up at me, then to the bathroom, and growled "Help me poop!"

 

Thankfully, that wasn't my job. I pressed the call button and let the $8 heavy hitters take care of that one.

[Giuseppe Zangara]

The incompetence of the managerial staff at the Cheesecake Factory where I was employed was what made my time there the single worst job experience I ever had. I worked at a Burger King that was run by far less cretinous half-wits.