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SWF Storm Card for August 15, 2007

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The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents...

SWF Aftershox - Wednesday, August 15th from the Nassau Coliseum in (Ugh!) Long Island, New York!


Due Wednesday, August 15th, by 9:00 EST/6:00 PST. Send marked matches, promos, potato knishes, etc. to chirs3.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Alan Clark is, as he stated in his promo, looking to see if there's anyone who deserves a title shot. Where is a more convenient vantage point than in front of a monitor? Thus, Alan Clark will be a Special Guest Commentator on all matches this show.

"The Dean of Wrestling" Jay Hawke vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

~ Jay Hawke suffered a tough loss at Ground Zero, allowing tonight's special guest commentator to unify the International and World Championships. Spike Jenkins, another recent victim of Clark's, took umbrage at Hawke's demand for a rematch. Now, the two square off to try to sell management on giving them another shot!
Rules: Standard singles.
Word Limit: 5000
Send To: chirs3

Michael Alexander vs. MANSON vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ©

~ Maddix and MANSON clashed at Ground Zero on what are now unquestionably the New King of Hardcore's terms. Will the result remain the same in a Cruiserweight encounter, with the Professor of Pain to play the spoiler?
Rules: Standard cruiserweight rules (no over-the-top, 20 count on the outside). First pin or submission wins, but a wrestler can be disqualified or counted out and eliminated without ending the match. Quitcherbeefin. Maddix's title is not on the line.
Word Limit: 4500
Send To: Ace309

The Winston Churchill Experience (Fulminatus and Jimmy the Doom) vs. Beauty And The Bint (Danny Dagda and Amy Stephens)

~ I think we all remember our first crush. That cute girl in the little plaid skirt sitting at the desk next to me, taking bets and outbelching a Jersey greaseball... why, I get a little tingly thinking about it to this day. But I prattle on. Fulminatus' heart skips a beat every time Amy Stephens comes round, and so what better way to press the issue than to put them in the ring together?

What can I say? I'm a sadist.
Rules: Standard tag.
Word Limit: 4500
Send To: Ace309

The Fabulous Jakey © vs. Johnny Dangerous

~ Johnny isn't happy. He's not happy that he didn't make the main event of Ground Zero. He's not happy that Michael Stephens and Austin Sly stole the Tag Team Championships from Wild and Dangerous. He's not happy that the Fabulous Jakey's purse doesn't match his shoes. (Well, maybe not that last one.) Can Dangerous avenge at least one of these ills in this non-title match?
Rules: Standard cruiserweight rules.
Word Limit: 4000.
Send To: Ace309

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IMPORTANT NOTE: Alan Clark is, as he stated in his promo, looking to see if there's anyone who deserves a title shot. Where is a more convenient vantage point than in front of a monitor? Thus, Alan Clark will be a Special Guest Commentator on all matches this show.


Was that supposed to be a promo on Aftershox? If so, it's not there.

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Since Amy's apparently back in in-ring competition, here are her stats:


Smarks Board Name: MikeofEvil

Wrestler’s Name: Amy Stephens

Height: 5’10

Weight: 171lbs

Hometown: Nottingham, UK

Age: 23

Face/Heel: Tweenerish. Her brother’s the biggest heel in the company, but it’s not impossible for her to get some sort of positive reaction.

Stable: Revolution Zero

Ring Escort: None

Weapon(s): A studded black leather bracelet that she wraps around her fist and uses like brass knuckles if she can get away with it.

Quote: ‘You what!?’ *SMACK*


‘Ya get me?’



Amy is a pretty girl with baby blue eyes, although she has a slightly chubby face. Since she’s started wrestling her figure has toned up a bit, but there’s definitely some meat on her - the only six-pack she’s ever likely to see in the mirror is the beer in her hand, and she still spills over her trousers a bit. Her black hair has a fringe, and the rest comes down past her shoulders in an undercut which gets tied back during matches. IMPRESSIVE cleavage, although that’s also partly from the fact that she‘s a tad overweight by ‘traditional’ standards.


Her clothes vary from day to day, but in the ring she tends to wear baggy black Criminal Damage skate trousers, a cut-off T-shirt, normally of a band like the Ramones, and pink-and-black Vans.


Ring Entrance:


The blasting opening of ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ by the Ramones fires up, leading to (these days) a mixed reaction from the crowd. After a few seconds Amy comes out onto the stage with a can of lager (usually Stella Artois) in her hand and charges down to the ring.




Amy climbs to the second buckle, raises her lager and leads the crowd in a chorus:







As Joey launches into the first verse proper Amy drops down to the ring again, takes a few pulls from her can and then puts it down on the apron before getting ready for the match.






Strength: 3 - Amy is a beefy girl and can hit just as hard as her brother


Speed: 5 - She’s not exactly… streamlined. In fact, she’s a bit top-heavy. That sort of cuts down the high-flying moves. And besides, she can’t be bothered with all that fancy crap.


Vitality: 6 - Whoops. She doesn’t jump around as much as her brother, so she can take more of a kicking before she finally goes down. Not invulnerable by any means, but surprisingly resilient.


Charisma: 6 - If you can penetrate the Nottingham accent and high-speed delivery she has an engaging directness that makes her brother look like a master of diplomacy. And let’s face it, the tits mean she’s gonna get cheered by every straight guy or lesbian in the audience no matter what she does.




Style: Brawler. Straight-up and simple. Sloppy, unrefined and aggressive, a cool head and some wrestling knowledge should take care of her, but underestimate her determination and desire to smash your face in at your peril.



Signature Moves:


Blitzkrieg Punches - Amy mounts her opponent in the corner, but instead of the normal ten punches with the crowd counting along she does eight while they chant “HEY-HO-LET’S-GO!” twice.


Headbutt/Diving headbutt - one of her main weapons, can and will target any part of the body.


Lou Thesz press and punches


Illegal use of her studded bracelet for a ‘Power Of The Punch’ type move


‘SNAP~! DDT’ - Kick-out-the-leg-and-whip-backwards Lita-style.


Sitting surfboard - Amy stands on her opponent’s back when they’re on their face on the mat, grabs their wrists and then drops back to a sitting position, bending their upper body backwards.


‘Face Breaker’ - grabs the opponent’s head in both hands while facing them, then jumps up and drops back whilst bringing both her knees up to smash into their face on landing. Imagine a Lungblower done to your face.


Reverse Full Nelson neckbreaker - Amy hooks an opponent as if for a backslide but locks her hands together as if applying a full nelson, then drops down into a neckbreaker which delivers an added ‘kick’ on the neck and upper back.


Moonsault - the rarest of the Sigs, since if she’s going to jump off the top rope she generally likes to see where she’s going.



Common Moves:






Kicks (nothing special)


Polish Hammer


2nd rope elbow


2nd rope leg drop






Bronco buster/Stink Face



Rare Moves:


‘Sex On The Beach’ - Corkscrew Swanton Bomb/Spiral Tap. So named because it happens less often than you’d want and it’s never as good as you expect. Plus, it’s another alcohol reference.


JackDanielsHammer - cruiserweights ONLY





‘Last Orders’ - rear naked choke with body scissors (preferred).


‘Double-D T’ - Double-arm DDT. And yes, it’s a bra size joke.




-She’s trained… sort of. Her brother certainly had a hand in her training, and we all know how much he knows about the finer points of technical wrestling, so how good he’d be at passing it on is anyone’s guess. However…

-She’s nuts. Not screaming, demented psychotic nuts, just your average, common-or-garden have-a-few-pints-and-start-on-someone nuts. Relative size, weights and strength don’t really matter to her, if she thinks you‘re looking at her funny, she‘ll have you. She bit half someone’s ear off once in a club, although admittedly it was after he’d headbutted her. No-one knows what she did to get headbutted in the first place. Feel free to ask, if you dare.

-Damn those Stephens kids and their inferiority complexes. Toxxic had to prove to everyone that he was the best wrestler in the company; Amy originally got offered a ‘Diva’ contract by Peters, and now feels that she has to prove she belongs in the ring.




Amy Stephens had Toxxic as an older brother, and that pretty much tells you all you need to know about her childhood, and why she’s turned out quite so cheerfully violent. Although hardly unintelligent she lagged behind her brother at school, and perhaps her envy/dislike of him is why she ended up going in a different direction. Toxxic went straight-edge, went to the gym and took out his aggression by learning to wrestle; Amy got slaughtered as often as possible, went out clubbing and took out her aggression by starting fights with anyone in the vicinity.


Amy came to the SWF looking for her brother in 2005 after he’d disappeared. What she found was Landon Maddix, and got involved with him partially in the hope that the sight of his sister shacking up with an old enemy would encourage Mike back, and partially because she fancied a shag. In the process she took a contract to get some money to keep on with her search if this plan didn’t work, and ended up winning the Hardcore Title by stopping the monstrous reign of Bruce Blank. When Mike didn’t return quickly Landon went all EVIL~ and started attacking Amy, which led to Mike finally returning and beating Landon, then being forced into the unlikely tag team of the Galacticos. When that relationship went down the toilet Mike picked up his old ring name again and formed Revolution Zero, with Amy still hanging around in the background doing what she does best.




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Guest WhollyChao



Also, Clark should be fun to write on commentary.


Nice card. This may be my first Taamo-composed card since I've been (back) here.



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This is the opposite direction of the tour Raynor and I had designed. Oh well, unbooked~!

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Getting Long Island over with seems like a good idea to me.

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I know I know, it's Long Island and you're a face here. I've never been to Long Island, I'm just jumping on the bandwagon of hating it. Because quite frankly, Tom Flesher hates it and that's good enough for me. I'd vote for that man.

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Isn't Spike a face anyway?



AND... I did say that, this show at least, I could be booked as well (and do the Jerry Lawler "oh, there's my music" entrance from the desk) ...but next week I can't be booked, so expect this to continue possibly into next week as well (at Taamo/Chris' discretion, of course.


Oh, and guess what... ALAN CLARK EVERY SEGMENT = BLEEP THOSE CURSES! (or any other unsavory discussion). Alan will be making no general crude or unsavory remarks himself. Also, Alan will probably talk down on anyone he has faced recently, and most people in general ...but he WILL give credit where credit is due no matter what side of the fence a person is on. So good skills in the ring = praise (even if it is only slight praise) from Clark.

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We've got to do this shit next week as well? Christ.


Who's up for a mass promo where we inject a local anaesthetic into Clark's vocal cords at the start of the evening?

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Okay, Tom I'm not going to be able to get anything to you. Still adjusting to my new job and I really didn't have anything to go on tonight; energy, ideas, nothing. No great excuse I know, feel free to throw whatever punishment my way for next week. Sorry.

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I got my half of the match to Looch, but Fulmy seemed to think his side was no-showing. So Tom, unless you get something from IL, I don't know if you'll get anything.

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Guest WhollyChao

So, here's something hillarious.


I set an alarm on my cell phone to remind me when a certain event was going to occur. I thought I set it to ring on the day of said event.


It rang the day before.


And me, with no knowledge of what day it was, spent the whole of Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday.


So I didn't think I had time to write my match. I told Tom that I had to no-show, I told Toxxic that I didn't have the time to write it. The fact that he had already finished his half of the match further established, in my mind, the idea that it was Wednesday.


Don't call me a hero.



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