Fundamentalist Christian Chat Rooms

[Smartly Pretty]

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_...ian_chat_rooms/

 

I don't want to get into a serious religious conversation, I just think we should laugh at crazy people. I'd post the best ones, but they're all the best ones.

[Guest Cock Ring Warehouse]

Fond memories of "Women. Are they asking for it?" from last year.

 

EDIT:

A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.

Yep.

 

Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.

[BX]

I say we invade.

[treble]

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

 

Edit: Oh man.

 

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

[Guest Cock Ring Warehouse]

ATHEIST TENANT OF FAITH

 

Faith is his landlord.

[treble]

I like reading through some of the threads they've linked:

 

-This is the one rare case in which I would support carrying a contraceptive.

-"Excuse me, Mr. Rapist? Would you mind putting this condom on before raping me?"

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH!]

the best one

 

Athiests as a Majority

 

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.

ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.

ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."

ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

 

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

 

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!

ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!

ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.

ATHIEST DAD: Why not?

ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.

ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?

ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.

ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

 

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

 

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!

ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

 

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

 

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

 

THE END

 

Scary, isn't it?

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH!]

Can a moderator change my name to ATHIEST DAD

[Guest Cock Ring Warehouse]

You know what, I don't like atheists either.

 

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lif...0332,full.story

 

At her first high school student council meeting, she raised her hand and said she didn't want "God Bless America" to be among the songs played in the hallways during homecoming week.

 

"If you want to listen to 'God Bless America,' you can download it onto your iPod and listen to it in the middle of class," she said.

 

"You can't force me to listen to it, because it's not secular. It's not what I believe, so I would appreciate it if you took it off the list. Thank you."

 

The song was stricken from the playlist with little discussion, a move that allowed Rob Sherman to boast to the Daily Herald that his daughter "got God banned from homecoming."

 

One way they have diverged: Dawn sings religious music in the Grace Episcopal choir. She loves the music, she says, and the words don't bother her because she doesn't attach much meaning to them. Her father says that singing in a church wouldn't be his choice, but he doesn't stand in his daughter's way.

So the words to a hokey Irving Berlin song bother her, and the words to music SUNG IN CHURCH don't? Who you crappin', you dumb bitch.

 

Probably is a stupid law, though, I'll give them that.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH!]

NoCalCzech

[Guest Cock Ring Warehouse]

I predicted your remark and excised the majority of the article.

[Guest Smues]

 

 

"If you want to listen to 'God Bless America,' you can download it onto your iPod and listen to it in the middle of class," she said.

 

God I hope someone throws that lines right back at her the next time she cranks dat soulja boy.

[Guest Cock Ring Warehouse]

I wish I went to high school in B.G., because they don't seem to have real problems; they just invent stupid ones like these. MY high school's roof leaked for three years and we couldn't repair it because it was voted down in a referendum!

[Smartly Pretty]

how come we cant speak monkey

[Maztinho]

Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb

 

That wasn't funny to me, it just pissed me off. The hell? Sins in the womb? What the hell is the fetus doing that is sinful? Growing?

 

I hit some ones about sodomized a child is okay and something about multiple wives and stopped, that shit was pissing me off.

[Nighthawk]

Yeah, it's not quite as funny to me, cause I've known people who would say shit like that.

 

The ATHEIST FAMILY is funny, though. They're right, that's how the world would be if I were in charge.

[Twisted Intestine]

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

 

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

 

Colbert posts there?

[tekcop]

I went to a super-crazy Pentacostal church as a kid, so I usually compare comments like these to what the church leaders I knew would say. Most of this stuff is a little past their mark.

[Retard Girl]

putting the 'fun' in fundamentalist!

 

 

 

 

fuck, this stuff is amusing.

[At Home]

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

 

...

[snuffbox]

Here is a quote from a great-uncle of mine- "If evolution was real, why didn't George Washington take a picture of a bird turning into a fish?"

[Gary Floyd]

Some of my favorites

 

Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these "rocks" at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day.

 

Rebelscum954, CARM [Comments (121)] [2007-Sep-12]

 

[One Christian speaking to another]

 

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.

 

Troy, Bibliocality [Comments (1041)] [2006-Feb-07]

 

 

But the one that amazes me the most:

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

 

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM [Comments (208)] [2007-Mar-01]

This has to be a joke. HAS to be. Nobody is that crazy...right?

[Smartly Pretty]

I really want to check if any one name came up more than once, but that would be waaayyy too much work. I'm thinking of joining one of those Christian forums and just lurking, though. That sounds like it could be bushels of fun.

[BX]

INVADE

[Craig Th]

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

[justsoyouknow]

You got it backwards.

 

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

 

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.

 

This is amazing.

[...]

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

You bastard-- you beat me to it.

 

On the same day that the Hindu abomination occurred in our Senate chamber, the 13th day of July 2007, the U.S. State Department Headquarters was attacked by what the Associated Press called killer wasps. These killer wasps are two inches long, and thousands of them have chosen to nest in the State Department building in Washington, D.C. It is being called a total infestation! I immediately thought of Exodus 23:28, which reads as follows: "And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite , from before thee." I must note at this point, that the three nations mentioned in this verse worshipped the gods of earth, wind, and fire, just as the Hindus do. This wasp infestation that occurred on the same day at the headquarters of the powerful State Department is a clear sign from the Almighty of judgment forthcoming. Where are the Christian ministers who should be sounding the alarm?"

 

KILLER WASPS. FORGOT ABOUT THEM, DIDN'T YOU?!

[MarvinisaLunatic]

You know what, I don't like atheists either.

 

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lif...0332,full.story

 

At her first high school student council meeting, she raised her hand and said she didn't want "God Bless America" to be among the songs played in the hallways during homecoming week.

 

"If you want to listen to 'God Bless America,' you can download it onto your iPod and listen to it in the middle of class," she said.

 

"You can't force me to listen to it, because it's not secular. It's not what I believe, so I would appreciate it if you took it off the list. Thank you."

 

The song was stricken from the playlist with little discussion, a move that allowed Rob Sherman to boast to the Daily Herald that his daughter "got God banned from homecoming."

 

One way they have diverged: Dawn sings religious music in the Grace Episcopal choir. She loves the music, she says, and the words don't bother her because she doesn't attach much meaning to them. Her father says that singing in a church wouldn't be his choice, but he doesn't stand in his daughter's way.

So the words to a hokey Irving Berlin song bother her, and the words to music SUNG IN CHURCH don't? Who you crappin', you dumb bitch.

 

Probably is a stupid law, though, I'll give them that.

Yet Im sure she spends money at the mall every weekend..

 

IN GOD WE TRUST.

[Jingus]

I can't believe I just read that whole thing. If I wasn't already agnostic, that list would be enough to make me so.

 

What really concerns me is that all those quotes mean one of two things:

 

1. these people are the most sadistic trolls in history, and spend all their waking hours coming up with shit that batty

 

Or

 

2. these people really are that fanatical, ignorant, brainwashed, and possibly just completely insane.

 

Either one is disturbing. My experience on Da Net make me hope for #1, but my experience with growing up in the Church Of Christ down in the South make me unfortunately lean towards #2 as being the most likely.

[CanadianChris]

Edit: Oh man.

 

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

Easy explanation: Evolution is such a ridiculous idea that it doesn't even count as a word.

 

My favourite so far:

 

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

 

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!