The Bush Years Compendium

[At Home 0]

The election has already started, and concludes in less than two weeks. There's a part of me that's going to miss George Bush. As John Stewart said, "George Bush is great for my comedy career," but these throes of nostalgia have made me want to gather a master list of what made Dubya so prolific. Let's dust off those old New York Times and gather a list of things that happened under the 8 Bush years. I'll begin.

 

 

 

- Almost getting assassinated by a pretzel.

[Guest Vitamin X]

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

Strategery.

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

[Lord of The Curry 0]

The uncomfortable-as-fuck massage he gave Angela Merkl at the G8 Summit.

[bob_barron 0]

The election has already started, and concludes in less than two weeks. There's a part of me that's going to miss George Bush. As John Stewart said, "George Bush is great for my comedy career," but these throes of nostalgia have made me want to gather a master list of what made Dubya so prolific. Let's dust off those old New York Times and gather a list of things that happened under the 8 Bush years. I'll begin.

 

 

 

- Almost getting assassinated by a pretzel.

 

It's Jon Stewart, not John Stewart.

 

That time he tried to walk out of a press conference only to find the door locked was great.

[Gary Floyd 0]

Internets.

 

 

[snuffbox 0]

Fool me, etc.

[JaMarcus Russell's #1 Caucasian Fan 0]

"I will be a compassionate conservative"

 

"Heckuva job Brownie!"

 

"There are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq"

 

"He tried to kill my dad!"

[treble 0]

 

Also: 'Mission Accomplished'

[Lord of The Curry 0]

"I was very pleased to see the Canadian public waving at me....with all five fingers."

[treble 0]

It's a pretty decent joke, but it's almost ruined by his weird laughing afterwords.

[King Kamala 0]

I think it's time for someone to post the wonderful video Kinetic made dedicated to the man.

[Guest Vitamin X]

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

[Jobber of the Week 0]

"Want some wood?"

 

"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter!"

 

"Airplanes and ticket counters will be flying out of Ronald Reagan International Airport."

 

"I've stood up to big trial lawyers, big Hollywood. I'm sorry, the question... It was about emergencies?"

 

"We need more OB/GYNs to practise their love all across this country."

[dubq 0]

 

Well I certainly won't miss conspiracy theorists...

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

Well I certainly won't miss conspiracy theorists...

 

They don't have any term limits. They'll be around for a long while still.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

"Rarely is the question asked 'Is our children learning?"

 

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."

 

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."

 

"We are fully committed to working with both sides to bring the level of terror down to an acceptable level for both."

 

"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the BUTT. It's going to be decisive."

 

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."

 

"The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off."

 

"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'"

 

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."

 

"I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country."

 

"You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one."

 

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake."

 

I got some of these from: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

[ZGangsta 0]

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."

What the hell? What was the context of this one?

 

"Spacial Entrepreneurs" is a classic. What a retard.

 

 

Fuckin' spendy spenderson Democrats.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

I'm having trouble finding exactly where Bush said the Mandela quote...but of course the funny thing is that Nelson Mandela is quite alive.

 

Edit: He said it at a White House press conference in December 2007. I think Bush was trying to somehow belittle Mandela because he had been an outspoken opponent of the US war in Iraq. Either way, it still doesn't make any sense.

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

No, he's saying there couldn't have been a nonviolent uprising or some such against Hussein because Hussein had killed all of the potential Mandela/Gandhi/MLK Jr. types in Iraq, so the US had to invade. That's my read on it.

[dubq 0]

^ ditto.

[RepoMan 0]

 

Well I certainly won't miss conspiracy theorists...

 

As long as you don't have to talk to one personally, I think they're entertaining enough. I don't get why some pepole get so upset about 9/11 Truthers when no one in the relevant political spectrum takes them seriously.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

As long as you don't have to talk to one personally, I think they're entertaining enough. I don't get why some pepole get so upset about 9/11 Truthers when no one in the relevant political spectrum takes them seriously.

 

Yeah, but we've all run into those seemingly smart average people who have bought into at least some of their crap. That's the frustrating part.

[CBright7831 0]

Half of the late night comedians material are going to go down the drain when Bush exits in January of next year.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

Yeah, what aspects of Barack Obama can you make fun of?

 

"Boy, this guy sure works out a lot..."

 

"Have you heard this guy's name? It's pretty funny."

 

"Have you heard Barack Obama was elected president? He plans on spending his next 100 days giving an inspirational speech every day..."

 

"Man, that Barack Obama sure is black..."

 

OK, that last one probably won't be in the mix.

[CanadianChris 0]

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me — I can't get fooled again."

 

"Wow! Brazil is big!"

 

"And as a result of the United States military, the Taliban no longer is in existence."

 

"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling."

 

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."

 

"As I'm sure you can imagine, it is an unimaginable honor to live here."

 

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America...And we're going to do something about it."