I love bosses. Especially the ones that don’t know what the fuck they are doing.
I have been at my current place of employment for more than two years. When I first started working, I was told that I had pretty much a flex schedule, meaning that as long as I put in 40 hours a week, eight hours a day, I was in the clear. Fair enough. Now this job is about 25-30 miles from my house, and I have to brave two Interstates in order to travel to and from my job. I soon found out that an 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. shift was going to involve a shitload of traffic. I then asked if it would be OK if I came in earlier. I was told that would be fine. After testing out what traffic is like early in the morning, I settled on working a 6:30 a.m.–3 p.m.
Working this schedule is good because not only do I avoid the early morning jams, but also coming home isn’t nearly as bad as it would be if I was out on the road at 4:30 p.m. Well, even though I got my work shift OK’d by people much more powerful than me, and even though there are two other co-workers who work the same hours I do, and have had their schedule for years, everybody is shocked when they call my office at 3:05 p.m. and I don’t answer because I’m in the car heading home.
I have worked this shift for two years now. There is no surprise to when I come in and when I leave. Now it’s bad enough when my one idiot boss decides to give me assignments to do at 2:50 p.m., but every couple of months we have a bunch of meetings that are scheduled for out-of-town representatives. Every three months a bunch of people come in from out of state and spend the day in meetings with us. There’s one meeting that I have to attend, and it’s funny because for the first year I worked here I didn’t come to these meetings. The reason? Nobody told me I was part of the meeting. However, what’s funnier is that this one meeting that I have to attend is ALWAYS schedules for 2-3 p.m., and it is always at least an hour long. I’m also never told ahead of time when these meeting are scheduled. Normally I really wouldn’t care about being out of the loop, but the problem is that I carpool with the better half, so whenever these meetings come around she has to find another way to get home.
Well today was a fun day. When I found out this morning that my meeting was at 2:30 p.m. I called the better half and she made other arrangements to get home. I then sat at this 90-minute meeting and afterward did some work that was asked of me by some out-of-town reps. A workday that normally ends at 3 p.m. was extended three hours, which is fine for me because that means three hours of comp time.
This is why I like working for an hourly rate. Sure getting a salary may seem more ‘professional” but if you get paid by the hour, you have a much better opportunity to resist getting buttfucked by your employers on time worked. I strongly recommend to anyone employed in the white-collar world to not only keep a log of when you arrive and leave your job, but to also keep a journal of what you do while on the clock. I know already that when I submit my timecard on Monday I’m going to be questioned about the extra hours I’ll have written down. Hey dipshit, I leave at 3 p.m. The meeting ended at 4 p.m. and then I was asked to burn several CD-ROMS, make 400 copies of a double-sided brochure, send off several e-mails containing attachments, make a few phone calls and update several web pages. You think I did all that shit for free just because I normally go home at 3 p.m.? Kiss my ass. I learned my lesson six months into this job when I spent about a week out of state on work-related matters. I busted my ass for 16 hours a day, waking up at 6 a.m. each morning and working into to middle of the night. When I got back, I requested to use some of the time I “banked” to move into the house that was recently purchased by the better half and me. You would have thought I said I wanted to fuck my boss’s wife with the reactions I got.
“Oh, really. Now what makes you think you deserve those three days off?”
“Because I worked 14-16 hours/day for four days, and you said I could bank these hours.”
“Oh really now?”
You fucking asshole.
Ever since then, I’ve kept a journal of what I do and when I arrive and leave work. It’s funny now when they ask me about what they think is a discrepancy on my timecard and then I whip out several sheets of documented sheets explaining what I did during my time for that day. After a few incidents, they have pretty much left me alone, but even when you think you are in the clear, it’s still wise to keep your journal because you never know when they’re going to try and Jew you out of some work time.
I should have learned my lesson when I was a high school puke working at Burger King and got screwed at that place, but that’s another story for another time.
Anyways, been a while.
So far, Wrestlemania looks like it will be shit. Normally, I order it evey year, so this looks like the first time I won't be ordering one. Here is a list of things that are most likely better than Wrestlemania will be:
Metallica's "St. Anger"
Date Movie (that's right, fucking Date Movie looks better than Wrestlemania.)
A movie from Uwe Boll
See No Evil (I've seen the poster for it online. It has a new shitty tagline: "Evil Gets Raw")
A porno from Rob Black
A post from Desperate Housewife
Gimmick Posters
Goldberg vs. Lesner
Getting a tattoo that says something retarded
Feel free to add to the list.
Also, I really dig Venetian Snares. Nothing else to add, I just really dig the guys work.
Believe it or not, I try to be an understanding person. However, even I have my limits.
At my workplace, I am our organization’s web master, which is a scary thought considering I don’t know what the hell I’m doing half the time. Actually, it’s not that bad, but I am by no means an expert on this Internet thing. I can build a Web site in Dreamweaver, but don’t tell me I need to write HTML code or else I’ll sit in the corner and suck on my thumb while holding my security blanket with the other hand.
About a month ago I got a letter from Verizon DSL saying that they were, “Migrating your web site to an improved hosting platform provided by Verizon SUPERPAGES.com,” beginning February 17. Your means of accessing your web site and email account will change.” Later on in the letter, they said, “You will receive two e-mails immediately after the migration.”
Well, I have been keeping an eye out for any Verizon e-mail notices up until February 17, not wanting to miss out on any important updates. So far nothing. On February 17 I was checking my inbox and junk mail folder thinking maybe a Verizon e-mail ended up there by mistake. Still nothing. (Although e-mails about enlarging my penis constantly get through to my inbox, I’ve noticed that other messages that have actual relevance in my life don’t make the cut. Then again, adding a few inches onto little kkk can’t hurt.)
I had to leave at 2:30 p.m. Friday, February 17 for an appointment. (My work schedule is 6:30 a.m.-3 p.m.) When I came back Tuesday (I had Presidents Day off), I found that I couldn’t access my e-mail, and neither could any of my co-workers. I called Verizon, and they said they don’t deal with e-mail/Internet matters anymore, that I would have to call the SUPERPAGES department. I called the SUPERPAGES people up and they said that they migrated all of our e-mail/Web site stuff, and that they sent an e-mail letting me know of the new password I was supposed to use to get into my e-mail account. The problem though was that this e-mail message letting me know of my password was in my e-mail bin that I couldn’t get into because I NEEDED TO KNOW THE NEW PASSWORD. After telling the tech guy this, he gave me the password and I got into my new and improved SUPERPAGES account. I noticed that they sent this goddamn message at 2:50 p.m. on a Friday afternoon right before what was to be a three-day weekend for many employees. You’re supposed to fire people at the end of a workweek, not give them technical information that won’t be accessible in another day or two.
So after spending the early part of the week getting everybody’s e-mail accounts up and running again (as well as putting together the final touches of the monthly publication I mail out at about this time every month), I then went to the Web site and discovered everything that was password-protected is now free as a bird. Yippie. I then realized that I had to re-register the 200+ names that were granted access to various sections of the site. Now, for the trifecta, I discovered that the cgi bins needed re-done I know some of you reading this are computer geeks and took cgi bin/form creating as a remedial elective in school, but you’ll have better luck teaching a retard to swim by throwing him in the deep end of a pool than telling me over the phone that certain codes need changed from original IP addresses to new IP addresses, among other things.
I’m not going to rag on the customer support people because they’ve been great, especially this one chick I’m talking to now who has had to put me on hold several times already because I don’t think she knows what she’s doing (which makes two of us for that matter). I’d rather interact with someone like this than some techie asshole that can’t believe I don’t know HTML as a second language. Besides, this is giving me ample time to talk to all you hippies instead of getting any real work done at my job.
I also don't want to rag on this new SUPERPAGES thing, because from what I have checked out, there seems to be some neat stuff I can perform that I couldn't with the previous Verizon Web account. It's just that couldn't these people have notified me of these changes when I wasn't home for the weekend?
• So George W. Hitler now wants terrorists to have a free pass into the U.S. via ports. Nice. It’s funny to hear people like Hitlery and Schmuck Jewmer sound like they are all about national security. Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind. Do I side with Hitlery or do I side with Jimmy Carter, who supports the President on this one? God help me.
About the United Arab Emirates: I don’t know much about them. I remember some soccer tournament (I think it was the World Cup) and saw their team running around in those cute little turbans. I’m sure they hate us, but only two of the 9/11 hijackers were from this place, so I guess that’s not too bad on the Let’s-Kill-The-Infidels-For-Allah scale.
Oh, and W., you haven’t vetoed a goddamn thing in your term-and-a-half and you threaten to whip out the ol’ Veto Pen over this? Didn’t do it with so-called campaign-finance reform. Didn’t do it with that Medicare Drug Prescription Plan. Didn’t do it with one of the several bloated budgets we’ve had since 2000. But you threaten to do it over THIS? Oy.
But of course we’re missing the biggest point of all regarding this story: Forbidding the sale of a port is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male.
• I wonder if these hippies that don’t believe in offing a convicted rapist/murderer share similar views with those pharmacists who refuse to sell the morning-after pill? For the record, I think if a pharmacist is working for a company they should have to abide by company policy. If that means giving out the baby-killing pill, then make the transaction. If the pharmacist owns the store, then he or she can sell what they want.
Instead of getting the State to off a criminal, and waste millions of dollars in appeals and retarded “protests” like this, can’t we just let the private sector take care of this? Give Bubbba a carton of smokes and leave him alone with the condemned in the shower room for 15 minutes. Case resolved.
• I hate these kinds of articles: Since when do health-care costs go down? Christ, these are just as bad as when the local media do stories about the increase in cable costs or the annual rise in university tuitions. The real story would be if these costs went down.
• Detroit is, surprise, having money troubles, and this means that the city is being forced to sign over its zoo to a third party. No, I’m not talking about Section 8 housing. I’m talking about lions and tigers. Er, wait a minute. I’m not talking about the city’s sports teams either. I’m referring to that community that fences in all those wild animals. There I go again talking about Section 8 again. Damn.
Well, anyway, one of the council members, Martha Reeves, is thinking that some RACISM might be involved, saying, "The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it."
Uh, Martha, have you ever been to Shittsburgh? They’re not much better than Detroit. Actually, Detroit is one of the few cities Shittsburgh can still make fun of. Anyway, over here in PA my area has had to have a state oversight board because this place still lives and spends like it’s 1970 and the mills are humming along. Hell, on the other side of Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia school system got taken over by the State due to their incompetence.
So before you go using the RACISM card, take a trip to Shittsburgh and see for yourself that whites can ruin a city just as good as your people up in Motown. Oh, wait. I said "your people," which was intended to talk about Detroit's city council, not black people in general. Oh dear, I hope that doesn't make me a RACIST.
It’s funny. For as much bitching as I do with Shittsburgh and the state of Pennsylvania in general, I’m for the most part content with my state legislators.
My Rep is one of two Democrats I voted for in the ’04 election. James Casorio may be a Democrat, but he’s OK. Besides, he’s extremely popular in the area so it’s not like I have much of a choice in this matter. Generally, he’s not that bad, although he pissed me off a bit by supporting some hippie spending plan for the state’s environment that is nothing more than a waste of money.
My State Senator is another matter, and I’m glad to be one of the evil Neo-Cons or whatever we were called who booted out the former State Senator of this area last election. Bob Regola, who from what I read was a fairly conservative Democrat that turned Republican to have a run at my district’s former incumbent, some liberal weenie named Alan Kukovich who was a bum-chum of Governor Ed Rendell. You want to raise taxes? Fine. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, which is what it did.
Actually, there’s a funny story to my voting experience in ’04 regarding Regola/Kukovich. When the better half and I pulled up to the voting precinct, which was some local VFW, some pro-union clown standing by a pickup truck with a John Kerry bumper sticker on it got in our way. As we were heading into the voting room he tried to give Mrs. kkk and me some literature on Kukovich, which I outright refused and said to him that we were voting Regola. Fuck that shit. I’m not going to be intimidated by some schmoe letting us know who he wants us to vote for. He replied with some grumbling and started bitching about how Regola was the worst thing since the Anti-Christ (or George W. Bush). I then said, in a raised voice just a notch or two below a full-blown shout, “Kukovich can lick my nuts.”
I made this statement right when the better half opened the VFW’s front door, and when I turned around I saw the little old ladies manning the polls with a look of fright/disgust on their faces. Oh well. Politics is an ugly game.
Anyway, yesterday Regola sent me some questionnaire about my feelings on a number of issues. Now some of these letters are just fundraising tools, but this one was legit, especially since there is no card asking me how much I would like to give to the GOP. I thought I’d share the questions with you and my responses just to show how RIGHT-WING I really am. I just gave my response below; even if you graduated from a government school you should be able to figure out most, if not all, of the issues I was asked.
1) Keep the minimum wage at the federal rate. (Get another job if you don’t make enough money)
2) I don’t care if PA allows hunting on Sundays.
3) Spending caps are important to make sure that government lives within its means. This one was a bit tricky for me because I can understand having to borrow (look at our president -- ugh) but the other answer I couldn’t in good conscience approve because “Rely on the Governor and Legislature to establish budgets that meet the needs of the Commonwealth” was just too much, even for me.
4) I support photo ID requirements to vote, although really any form of ID would be fine by me. Of course, this is considered RACIST.
5) I have no opinion on casino gambling. (Building casinos won’t really help the region, and it will probably hurt it, but if idiots want to throw their money away, that’s up to them.)
6) Smoking bans are already too stringent.
7) Residents who order out-of-state wine shouldn’t have to deal with the PA Liquor Control Board. Basically, the only booze you can get in PA is through these state-run stores, and they’re a freaking joke to begin with.
8) I have no opinion on how PA is coping with terrorism. If they want to blow up Shittsburgh, let them.
9) Maintain existing growth and develop laws when it comes to open space preservation programs. (There was no entry for “cut funding” so I had to go with the status quo.)
10) Building a high-speed rail connection is a nice idea, but it will take about 100 years to create and make Boston’s “Big Dig” look like an impulse buy on a pack of gum while waiting in line at the grocery store.
So there you have it. Now if you will excuse me, I have some abortion clinics to bomb.
You know I really did want to avoid doing three straight entries of the same feature but dammit I'm loving doing this and this blog is basically my own playground to geek out on useless information so might as well keep doing what I love. Besides there's only two of you reading this.
The 1979 N.L. MVP vote had the most unique result ever: a tie. A TIE!?!? What kind of a crap is that? There's no ties in baseball! I was only one year old at the time but I imagine there must have been riots across the country after this result was announced and if there wasn't there should have been. Fuck the hostage crisis, this was the biggest crisis in America in November 1979.
Keith Hernandez and Willie Stargell shared the award in '79. Well I don't know if they shared, I'd assume they made two trophies otherwise that'd be a pretty cheap thing for MLB to do. Now what was odd, beyond the tied result, was Hernandez easily beat Stargell in first place votes, 10 to 4. There's no rule for a tiebreak but clearly more voters felt Hernandez was the MVP. In 3rd place was Dave Winfield who received the same number of first place votes as Stargell although due to the Padres poor performance Winfield probably was left off a few ballots all together as he finished 61 points behind the co-winners.
So for over 26 years we've been stuck with this tie...until today. I will settle the debate. Get out your magic markers kids and get ready to cross out one of those names. Or will you be crossing out both of them?
Actual 1979 results:
1t) Keith Hernandez 1t) Willie Stargell 3) Dave Winfield 4) Larry Parrish 5) Ray Knight 6) Joe Niekro 7) Bruce Sutter 8) Kent Tekulve 9) Dave Concepcion 10) Dave Parker 11) Dave Kingman 12) George Foster 13) Mike Schmidt 14) Steve Garvey 15t) Omar Moreno 15t) Pete Rose 17) Gary Carter 18) Bill Madlock 19) J.R. Richard 20) Phil Niekro 21t) Joe Sambito 21t) Tom Seaver 23) Johnny Bench 24) Andre Dawson 25) Garry Templeton 26) Gary Matthews 27) Dave Collins 28) Bob Horner
#10
.314/.331/.458, 102 RC, 113 OPS+, .276 EQA, 63.4 VORP, 25 Win Shares
#9
.303/.395.449, 106 RC, 135 OPS+, .306 EQA, 55.7 VORP, 25 Win Shares
#8
130 ERA+, 3.19 K/BB, 1.09 WHIP, 68.7 VORP, 23 Win Shares
#7
.265/.372/.464, 100 RC, 128 OPS+, .306 EQA, 68.6 VORP, 27 Win Shares
#6
.331/.418/.430, 113 RC, 130 OPS+, .304 EQA, 54.7 VORP, 27 Win Shares
#5
.307/.357/.551, 107 RC, 146 OPS+, .307 EQA, 59.0 VORP, 28 Win Shares
#4
.310/.380/.526, 123 RC, 141 OPS+, .309 EQA, 58.1 VORP, 31 Win Shares
#3
.253/.386/.564, 119 RC, 154 OPS+, .317 EQA, 64.1 VORP, 33 Win Shares
#2
.308/.395/.558, 131 RC, 165 OPS+, .329 EQA, 68.7 VORP, 33 Win Shares
#1
.344/.417/.513, 132 RC, 152 OPS+, .322 EQA, 71.9 VORP, 29 Win Shares
There you have it, you can sleep well at night now that Keith Hernandez is the sole winner of the 1979 N.L. MVP. Someone please inform the widow Stargell that we must take away his half of the MVP award.
Really Stargell had no business even being considered for the award. As you can see the Pirates best player was Dave Parker, who won the MVP himself the year before but since his numbers weren't as good as the previous year the voters penalized him. Stargell was probably only about the 4th or 5th best player on the team that year. But the reason whey he got so much support was because he was really fucking old and he was the "heart and soul" of the We Are Family Pirates and baseball writers get chubbies thinking of stuff like that.
In yesterday’s blog entry, Swift Terror mentioned his experience as a Blockbuster Customer Service Representative and commented on the chain’s hard-on with late fees (I heard they have shifted their “two-days-and-it’s-late policy, but I’m not sure on this). Personally, I had no problem with a store’s late fee policy as long as I was told when the movies were due back. Look, if you think it’s lame to rent a video with an inconvenient return date, then don’t rent from that place. So you put the DVD in the drop-off bin at five after midnight when it was due at exactly midnight – too bad. Pay the fine and learn from it.
The only time I was ever late on a Blockbuster rental was when I lived in Ohio a few years ago. We were given a Sunday noontime deadline, and the better half and I finished watching the movies we rented late on a Saturday night. I said that since I was still relatively awake that I would make the 10-minute drive to Blockbuster and drop off the rentals. Mrs. kkk said not to bother with them, that she’d drop them off after she got back from church Sunday morning. With that said, she went off to bed and I went off to doing God knows what.
The next morning I woke up at around 10 a.m. and went downstairs for breakfast. The better half had left for church, and with my car in the shop I was stranded in our townhouse. Then my eyes picked up the four DVDs from Blockbuster still on our living room entertainment stand. Yep. I figured as much. And of course she didn’t get back home until 11:55 a.m. When I reminded her of what she said the night before, she replied, “Well you take them back and I’ll pay you back the fine,” which I did (and oddly enough, I’m still waiting for this reimbursement, among the other IOU’s she has put on her tab). Despite being 10 minutes late on the rental I still had to pay more than $10 in late fees.
There are two good things that came out of this experience. The first one was that I learned it was a better investment to just own any movie I was interested in seeing. If you get a film when it first comes out, it’s not a bad deal (although if you wait a while longer you can usually get it at a better price). If you watch the movie 2-3 times over the course of owning the title (including viewing the special features), then I’d say you came out ahead in the end. If you absolutely hate the movie after viewing it, just sell it at a used CD/Movie store for a few dollars. Either way, it’s a better value than just renting it and feeling rushed to turn it back.
The second good thing that came out of this experience was that I had one of the greatest conversations ever with a CSR. I entered the store at about 12:10 p.m. and told this teen-age puke that I knew I was late with the movies. I guess the kid thought I was trying to weasel out of paying the fines, which I wasn’t, although I did mention why they were late. (I don’t know why I did this; I usually don’t engage in small talk with cashiers, but I guess I needed to vent or something.) The cashier was just zoning out saying “yeah, uh-huh,” and typing away on the keyboard in front of him (which is what I would do in that situation, too, so I didn’t hold this against the kid). Figuring I might as well see if he’s actually paying attention, I then said, “And somebody’s going to get a beating when I get back home.” He looked up at me and said, “Dude, you don’t have to beat her; just have her pay for the next movie rental.” I said, “Why, when hitting her is so much more fun?” I got no response back, but I did see him looking at me as I drove off.
Oh, and I’m suddenly reminded of another “incident” that took place in Ohio just to show that the better half isn’t a pure as the wind-driven snow. (There are many stories, including the time I told a bagboy to get cancer, but for some reason this one just came to my mind.) We were leaving a restaurant called O’Charley’s, which is kinda like an Applebee’s or a Friday’s, but a few notches above them, in my opinion (It’s a shame they’re not in the Shittsburgh area). Well, we were walking out to the car and I was carrying the better half’s doggy bag. I was being an idiot and either not giving her the car keys or the Styrofoam container; I can’t remember which. But I do remember what happened next.
As we were on opposite ends of our car, a van with a couple and their young daughter had just pulled into the spot next to where the better half was standing. Right when the van door opened and the little kid was getting helped out of her car seat, the better half shouted, “Give me that now, asshole!” Like a parrot, the girl behind her said, “Yeah, asshole!” My jaw dropped, although the better half didn’t hear her say it. The kid’s parents did though. In Mrs. kkk’s defense I don’t think she knew there were people behind her, but so what? It was still funny as hell.
In kkk's most recent entry on K-Mart customer service he made mention of how he had thought Harold Baines didn't get enough credit as a player. Now Baines best season was probably 1984 when he was still an everyday outfielder. Now he was never a serious MVP cadidate and '84 was no different but the MVP voting that year was quite interesting. For one a closer won it in Willie Hernandez of the Tigers. A closer winning an MVP should always raise a few eyebrows as it's pretty much impossible for them to equal the value of an everyday player.
Now Hernandez was far from your one inning and done closers of today. He pitched 140 innings that year which is a ton of innings for someone who didn't make a single start. He was dominating with 112 strikeouts to 36 walks, a 1.92 ERA, and ridiculous 0.94 WHIP. Obviously since he won the MVP, he also won the Cy Young. Now a closer winning a Cy Young is something that probably shouldn't happen too often but can happen and be a legitimate choice. In 1984 there simply wasn't starter with numbers (at least the standard ones) that really jumped out and when a closer has a year like Hernandez did under those circumstances it's not surprising he won the Cy Young. Dave Steib would have been the better choice but of course the writers overlooked him due to only having 16 wins (not his fault). But Hernandez was not a bad choice at all for winning the Cy Young.
Now in 1984 the A.L. was a one team league: Detroit Tigers. They started the year 30-5 and basically it was all over after that as the second place Blue Jays finished 15 games back, who had the second best record in the league overall. Really it's hard to blame the writers for wanting to give a Tiger the MVP that year when they were so much better than the competition. But was Hernandez the right Tiger? Kirk Gibson and Alan Trammell finished 6th and 9th in the voting repsectively and as I mentioned before a closer can't match the value of a star everyday player like those two.
But there was something else that was interesting about the '84 A.L. MVP voting, it was who finished 2nd: Kent Hrbek. The Twins that year finished 81-81 and Hrbek didn't crack the Top 5 of any writer favored offensive categories (AVG, HR, RBI). How could a first baseman on the Twins get more votes than a household name like Eddie Murray and a rising star in the media capital of the world in Don Matttingly who played the same position? You would think Hrbek would get overshadowed. This really puzzled me but when you look at the A.L. West that year in conjuction with the Tigers dominance of the East it starts to make "sense" how the writers voted Hrbek that high. See since the Tigers great start eliminated any chance of a pennant race all the attenion went to the West. Now the race in the West was almost as bad as the race in the N.L. West in 2005. The Royals would win the division at 84-78 with the Twins and Angels tied for second just three games back at .500. Royals would have finished 6th in the East with that record. The West was so bad that the last place Rangers were closer to first than the second place Blue Jays were in the East to Tigers. The Twins were neck and neck with the Royals and Angels going into the final couple of weeks of the season when the MVP voting was going on. The Twins would lose six straight to end the season but it was the added attention that Hrbek received and the lack of a race of the East that nearly propelled him to the MVP.
So should have a Tigers position player won the MVP? Should one of the big name first basemen with better numbers than Hrbek have won the award? Or was it someone who received almost no support at all for the award? Now I'll tell you...if your still reading.
For reference here is the actual order of finish in '84:
1) Willie Hernandez 2) Kent Hrbek 3) Dan Quissenberry 4) Eddie Murray 5) Don Mattingly 6) Kirk Gibson 7) Tony Armas 8) Dave Winfield 9) Alan Trammell 10) Willie Wilson 11) Dwight Evans 12) Alvin Davis 13t) Harold Baines 13t) Dave Kingman 13t) Jim Rice 16t) Lance Parrish 16t) Willie Upshaw 18) Brian Downing 19t) Steve Balboni 19t) George Bell 19t) Andre Thorton 22t) Buddy Bell 22t) Lloyd Moseby 22t) Dave Steib 25t) Juan Beniquez 25t) Mike Boddicker 27t) Doyle Alexander 27t) Cal Ripken
#10
.284/.391/.497, 110 RC, 146 OPS+, .318 EQA, 59.5 VORP, 27 Win Shares
#9
.293/.399/.458, 91 RC, 145 OPS+, .327 EQA, 60.6 VORP, 28 Win Shares
#8
130 ERA+, 2.25 K/BB, 1.14 WHIP, 74.3 VORP, 25 Win Shares
#7
.340/.393/.515, 116 RC, 154 OPS+, .328 EQA, 61.5 VORP, 26 Win Shares
#6
.298/.361/.441, 101 RC, 126 OPS+, .302 EQA, 69.1 VORP, 27 Win Shares
#5
.295/.388/.532, 130 RC, 147 OPS+, .321 EQA, 63.0 VORP, 29 Win Shares
#4
.314/.382/.468, 99 RC, 136 OPS+, .308 EQA, 66.4 VORP, 29 Win Shares
#3
.343/.381/.537, 125 RC, 156 OPS+, .328 EQA, 72.7 VORP, 29 Win Shares
#2
.306/.410/.509, 123 RC, 156 OPS+, .335 EQA, 75.8 VORP, 33 Win Shares
#1
.304/.374/.510, 122 RC, 145 OPS+, .318 EQA, 92.2 VORP, 37 Win Shares
OMG SWERVE~!
As you see in the actual results, Ripken is the last name listed. He received just a single a 10th place vote. It wasn't like he was some young player no one had heard of yet, he won the the MVP the year before! But what happens to a lot MVP winners who were on the top team in their league, like the Orioles were in '83, and the following year the team isn't as good the perceived value of that MVP drops like a rock. Really him, Murray, Mattingly, Trammell, or the always overlooked Evans would have made fine choices. Hrbek just missed the Top 10 and Hernandez may have cracked the Top 15 if I extended the list that far but neither were deserving as much support as they received. As you'll see I did include a pitcher in Steib and two players in Yount and RICKEY~ who didn't receive a single vote in '84. The legendary Juan Beniquez, who had 382 plate apperances, received more support than Ripken, Yount, and Henderson. That's pretty bad.
He gets booed, and people don't like him. He's over. Sorry, internet. And this isn't even a pro-Orton thing, it's an "I watch SmackDown weekly" thing. He's not Shawn Michaels in Canada, he's not Triple H in 2000, but he's doing just fine as a heel and I'm tired of listening to the masses on this forum talk about how he doesn't have any heat when that's clearly not true. But, whatever, apparently Finlay's a good worker now too, so I must have missed something.
I hate the internet.
- Hoff
Hi there Ortonsault, are you comfortable and angry?
Comfortable and furious, TSM.
Then go ahead and speak for America, Ortonsault.
Ok, here it goes. A few months ago I noticed a TSM poster—named Princess Leena—who, like I, is a fan of Randy Orton. Since that time, she has become one of my favorite posters, and I have become more inclined to read a topic when I see that Leena has made the latest post in it. After Leena posted sexy webcam whore pics of herself, however, she 'got over' with many of the unathletic, disgusting, desperate wrestling message board dorks (1) (2) (3) (4). I had already assumed that she was attractive (writing style tells a lot), and so my opinion of her did not change, but it somewhat ruined our special 'Orton fans against the world' bond.
Leena later revealed that she has a MySpace account, but she would not tell TSM posters its location (5). As a MySpace veteran and expert at investigating things, I managed to find her account via MySpace's search function. I was disappointed, however, when I visited her MySpace and discovered that it had no content, her pic had been deleted, and her only friend was Tom.
Bottom line, America? Leena should PM me the link to her real MySpace account, and she should also join the WWE Fantasy game so that we can compete in an arena in which there will be no accusations of cheating.
What is wrong with some people?
Yesterday afternoon I headed over to Kmart to pick up an early edition of a Sunday newspaper; I felt like browsing through the weekly circulars and coupons early. When I arrived, I took one newspaper and then scoped out which aisle would be the shortest wait. Even though this store had more than a dozen checkout lines, only three were in service. The first aisle had a line three deep, and the old lady with a number of clothing and cleaning items was in the midst of writing a check. The next open aisle wasn’t much better, but the third one looked to have the most promise. Even though there were about a half-dozen people occupying this aisle, they were one white-trash family, and their purchase didn’t look to be that big. Then of course the other three heathens from this clan brought their items up to the register. No problem, though. I scanned the magazine/booklet selection and started reading a “Cats for Dummies” booklet.
Whenever you have the opportunity, I recommend you start reading materials off the shelf while waiting in a long checkout line. Not only does it pass the time away, but if you’re lucky enough you can browse through the latest edition of the Weekly World News. Of course this line took much longer than I had expected, but it wasn’t a terrible wait. However, if I ever planned on making a quick purchase, I surely didn’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time waiting in line to make a simple transaction. I think that’s what pisses me off about waiting in lines sometimes. You stand there for what seems like an eternity while some old had tells the cashier she has “exact change” but then spends 20 minutes going through her purse to find it. Or, like in this situation, you’re stuck behind some redneck or ghetto family that has zero organization when it comes to paying for a bill that involved several children piling up anything they thought they could get away with on the conveyor belt. But I digress.
So of course my transaction took about 10 seconds to complete, and then I noticed this store had a special lottery/cigarette section where some lady was selling Instant Win lottery games to a customer. This intrigued me because this section’s service light wasn’t turned on. After this customer was taken care of, I approached the cashier and asked if I was to make a small purchase such as a newspaper if this lottery station would be able to make the transaction, so I wouldn’t have to wait in a long line. The reason I asked this is because I remember what it was like for stupid customer to just go up to an empty checkout line and expect someone to wait on them there. Well after I made this inquiry, the following conversation transpired.
“Yes, if you have a small purchase you can take it here or at the customer service desk if they’re not busy.”
“OK. Thanks. The reason I asked was because your register’s light wasn’t on, and I didn’t know if this was a full-time register or not. I don’t come in here that often and didn’t know Kmart’s policy on this sort of thing.”
“That’s not a nice thing to say!”
“What are you talking about?”
“You saying you don’t come in here often.”
”Well I don’t. Maybe if you guys had the lowest prices on your merchandise I’d come in more.”
“Just leave.”
“Fine. And you can kiss my ass on my way out.”
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with some people? I said I don’t come into Kmart all that often and you throw a shitfit? (And no, she wasn’t kidding when she said, “That’s not a nice thing to say!”) I have nothing against Kmart, but I wouldn’t buy my clothes there, and many times the products they offer are not the lowest price in the area. When I worked retail jobs and someone would make a smart-ass remark I’d just stand there straight-faced and say, “OK. Bye.” I don’t know if a customer is trying to be witty or serious when they tell a McDonald’s employee that “they sure could go for a Whopper,” (which happened to me a few times when I worked at the Golden Arches), but either way I just stand there and refused to play along. God I hate customers.
And Customer Service Workers aren’t much better.
Blog Plugs
• Bored decided to give the 1987 NL MVP award to Tim Raines. Who am I to stop him? I’m not that much into baseball to remember what happened 19 years ago, but I do agree that Tim Raines was an extremely under-appreciated player. I remember as a kid going through my baseball card collection, looking at Raines’ stats and wondering why his card wasn’t worth more money, according to that Beckett pricing guide. Oh, another guy who seemed to be a good player that didn’t seem to get enough props was Harold Baines – am I nuts or do I have a point with this one?
• I don’t follow pro wrestling anymore, but I do remember when Lance Storm made a comment on his Web site about the Death Valley Driver board. Thanks to Sensei John Kreese for bringing back this memory. I also agree that the Undertaker losing at his last Wrestlemania would give a tremendous rub to the person who scores the pinfall. The question is when exactly does a pro wrestler actually retire?
There's an ongoing debate about the baseball Most Valuable Player voting: Should it go to the best player in baseball or should it go to the best player on a winning team? I used to be very much on the side of it should be the best player on a winnig team but I've backed off that, although today I still don't think a player on a last place team shouldn't be winning the MVP but don't believe that a player on a losing or middle of the road team should be automatically discarded from consideration.
Whatever side of the debate you are on everyone can agree one of the most bizarre MVP winners was Andre Dawson in 1987. The main reason Dawson won most likely was because he lead the league in homeruns and rbi which is always to grab the attention of the voters. But what was odd about was that Dawson played on a last place team in the Cubs. Now at 76-85 I suppose the Cubs were a "good" last place team but they were never in serious contention in the very tough N.L. East which featured three teams with 90+ wins that year. Also when you looked at Dawson's numbers beyond the homeruns and rbi they weren't that impressive. He hit .287 with a .328 OBP and despite his 49 homeruns who only finsihed 6th in SLG in a year full of great offensive performances. There were several of great candidates on some of the leagues top teams (Cardinals, Giants, Mets, Expos) yet a player on a last place team wins it who's numbers did not blow away the competition. Here's the actual order of finish for the 1987 N.L. MVP:
1) Dawson 2) Ozzie Smith 3) Jack Clark 4) Tim Wallach 5) Will Clark 6) Darryl Strawberry 7) Tim Raines 8) Tony Gwynn 9) Eric Davis 10) Howard Johnson 11) Dale Murphy 12) Vince Coleman 13) Juan Samuel 14) Mike Schmidt 15) Pedro Guerrero 16) Steve Bedrosian 17) Milt Thompson 18t) Bill Doran 18t) Terry Pendleton
So I've decided to redo the voting and give my own Top 10 for that year (note used '88 cards since they'd be '87 photos).
#10
.308/.371/.580, 113 RC, 153 OPS+, .311 EQA, 49.5 VORP, 25 Win Shares
#9
.293/.388/.548, 112 RC, 142 OPS+, .313 EQA, 58.1 VORP, 26 Win Shares
#8
.338/.416/.539, 123 RC, 155 OPS+, .331 EQA, 69.5 VORP, 28 Win Shares
#7
.295/.417/.580, 136 RC, 156 OPS+, .328 EQA, 73.0 VORP, 29 Win Shares
#6
.303/.392/.383, 90 RC, 105 OPS+, .288 EQA, 59.1 VORP, 33 Win Shares
#5
.370/.447/.511, 135 RC, 158 OPS+, .341 EQA, 90.8 VORP, 29 Win Shares
#4
.284/.398/.583, 122 RC, 162 OPS+, .332 EQA, 69.4 VORP, 30 Win Shares
#3
.293/.399/.593, 112 RC, 155 OPS+, .330 EQA, 78.7 VORP, 30 Win Shares
#2
.286/.459/.597, 115 RC, 176 OPS+, .353 EQA, 65.2 VORP, 33 Win Shares
#1
.330/.429/.526, 119 RC, 149 OPS+, .333 EQA, 78.7 VORP, 34 Win Shares
As you see Dawson doesn't even crack the Top 10. If Raines played anywhere less but Montreal he probably gets more consideration although even in this year he didn't finish higher than his teammate Tim Wallach. Dawson of course played in Montreal originally and had signed as a free agent with the Cubs before the '87 season. It's highly unlikely he would have won the award in '87 with his numbers playing Montreal. Raines truly was one of great, underappreciated players of the 80's.
• Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor.
• Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees.
• There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was.
Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon: the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor.
Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly.
After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. It was at this she yelled to me, “What are you doing?”
“I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.”
”But you have to rinse it off first.”
“Huh?”
So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.
• You know what's funny about reporters? For as much as they put others in the spotlight, they are pretty shitty in it as well. For example, last night I was watching some channel that is run by the state of Pennsylvania, and on it they had this interview with several reporters from the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review. Christ almighty, none of them could put together a decent thought without saying "um," "uh" or "hmmm" more times than a professional athlete being interviewed in the locker room.
• As I said yesterday, I don't care much for the Olympics. However, something I hate more than the Winter Games is Bryant Gumbel. Throughout the years, he has constantly said his share of stupid things, and a recent clip on HBO's "Real Sports" only adds to his impressive resume. His latest effort?
Golly gee, why don't you think there are a lot of blacks at the Winter Olympics? Could it be that it's hard to form a bobsled track in the Sahara? I'm sure trying to play a game of ice hockey would be a bitch when the water in the lake you're waiting to freeze over is free-flowing and filled with hungry crocodiles. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or controversial or what, but he showed to us what he does best: be an idiotic asshole. Do I expect anything to happen to him other than a few RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts and Web sites go apeshit? Of course not. I will just use a line from writer Julianne Malveaux and her opinion about Clarence Thomas to voice my opinion toward Gumbel.
Because Malveaux is a black liberal, this is a good line to use when you don't want to be accused of being a RACIST.
Oh, and you want black people at the Winter Games? You got them. Or at least him.
• The Detroit Pistons finally called it quits and traded their first-round bust Darko Milicic to Orlando for some guy who they won't re-sign next year. This trade was made to free up salary cap room in order to sign some of their vets who will become free agents in the near future. On any other team, the general manager who picked Darko over Carmello Anthony or Dewayne Wade would get run out of town (media reports also lump in Chris Bosh in with this group, but I don't know much about him so I won't comment). However, I think Joe Dumars has earned a few "Get Out Of Bad Decisions Free" card, what with his teams reaching the NBA finals for the last two years. Instead of asking what the Pistons would be like with Anthony or Wade, the question ought to be would Detroit have won a championship and being one game away from winning a second title without the starting five Dumars assembled?
• George Clooney’s costume from that "Batman and Robin" movie is going to be auctioned. Some people think the suit could go for $100,000; any proceeds should go to people that bought a ticket to see that piece-of-shit film. When I saw it in the theater, I was with my one friend and we had this little brat sitting behind us. This heathen was so freaking annoying, and the kid’s parents weren’t much better. However, this kid’s redemption came late in the movie when there were some multi-angled shots of Alicia Silverstone putting on her skin-tight Batgirl outfit. After seeing various shots of her tits, ass and everything in-between, the kid behind us asked his parents, “Is that Robin?" That was worth the price of admission alone. Then again I worked at a theater during this time, which meant I saw this movie for free. I won't ask for a refund, but you better not after reading this crap I post.
A week ago on the wonderful baseball stat geek site Hardball Times there was this article about the 1994 Montreal Expos. The article is titled "Where Are They Now?" but it more or less only tells you were they went rather than where they are now, not that I was needing to find out where Freddie Benavides was nowadays. So I figured I'd do the same for another team from the past but have a more approriate title for it. Now for picking the team I was going to go with 1989 Oakland A's or the 1997 Florida Marlins but figured I'd go for something more obscure for the first one so I picked the 1985 New York Yankees. The 80's were considered the dark days for the Yankees, at least by their fan base, but they actually had some very good teams that decade just with no World Series ring to show for it. The best Yankee team of the '80s was the 1985 team which won 97 games but came up two games shy of the Blue Jays for the A.L. East title.
Catcher: Butch Wynegar (.223./.356/.320, 10.9 VORP, 10 Win Shares) - After putting up solid offensive numbers the previous three years, Wynegar hit the catcher wall in '85. He'd spend one more year with the Yankees and then be traded to the Angels where'd he finish out his career.
First Base: Don Mattingly (.324/.371/.567, 78.9 VORP, 32 Win Shares) - Donny Baseball might be a tad overrated by Yankee fans of the 80's but you can kind of understand why when you look at his numbers during the mid-80's. He would of course spend his whole career with the Yankees, retiring after 1995. He won the MVP in '85 but he actually wasn't the best player on his own team.
Second Base: Willie Randolph (.276/.382/.356, 32.9 VORP, 20 Win Shares) - Very consistent, solid performer in the 80's for the Yankees. He'd leave after 1988 as a free agent to the Dodgers. From there he'd be traded the A's during the 1990 season and get to play in his fourth World Series. He'd finish up with one year stops with the Brewers and Mets before retiring after 1992.
Third Base: Mike Pagliarulo (.239/.324/.442, 19.4 VORP, 13 Win Shares) - Aww one of my favorite "names" when I was a kid. Good power but couldn't hit for average or draw walks. He'd flame out pretty quick being traded to the Padres in 1989, ended up with Twins in 1991 and picked up a World Series ring, finshing up with the Orioles and Rangers.
Shortstop: Bob Meacham (.218/.302/.266, 2.7 VORP, 11 Win Shares) - Egads is that an ugly line. If the Yankees had a competent shortstop in '85 maybe they win the East. Maybe Baseball Jesus, The Jeter, will discover time travel and lead the '85 Yankees to World Series title. *fist pump*
Left Field: Ken Griffey (.274/.331/.425, 19.2 VORP, 14 Win Shares) - At 35, Junior's dad was still an okay player. He'd be traded to the Braves for another aging outfielder in Claudell Washington in 1986. He'd make a nostalgic trip back to the Reds at the end of the decade before being released during the World Series run of 1990. Then five days later he'd be picked up by the Mariners in a marketing ploy by having father and son play together.
Center Field: Rickey Henderson (.314/.419/.516, 94.1 VORP, 38 Win Shares) - The man, the myth, the legend, and the real 1985 A.L. MVP. This would be Rickey's best year until he topped it and finally won the MVP in 1990. Of course that was with the A's as he was traded midseason back to Oakland in a trade that still has to have Yankee fans gritting their teeth. The booty for Rickey: Luis Polonia, Greg Cadaret, and Erick Plunk. Woof. Rickey would get his first World Series ring in '89, while Polonia would lead the league having sex with 14 year olds. Running thru where Rickey went:
Oakland
Toronto
Oakland
San Diego
Anaheim
Oakland
N.Y. Mets
Seattle
San Diego
Boston
Los Angeles
Newark
Right Field: Dave Winfield (.275/.328/.471, 38.0 VORP, 21 Win Shares) - Hey look George Steinbrenner's favorite player. '85 was actually the start of a bit of down time in Winfield's career (for him) before he swung back up the bell curve in 1988. Traded to the Angels for Mike Witt in 1990, would win a World Series with the Blue Jays in 1991, make the late career hometown visit with the Twins for a couple of years, then finish up with the Indians in 1995.
Designated Hitter: Don Baylor (.231/.330/.430, 26.6 VORP, 12 Win Shares) - Baylor was definently a product of the DH extending a player's career. Couldn't pay the field anymore but could still hit a decent number of homeruns so he stayed in the line-up. As mentioned before he'd make a tour of the next three A.L. Champions in the Red Sox, Twins (World Champs), and A's before retiring.
Pitchers
Ron Guidry - (123 ERA+, 58.4 VORP, 18 Win Shares) - This would be Guidry's last good year and he finished 2nd to Bret Saberhagen in the '85 Cy Young voting. He played his entire career with the Yankees, retiring after 1988.
Phil Niekro - (98 ERA+, 27.9 VORP, 10 Win Shares) - If I ever have a son he's gonna learn how to throw a knuckleball so he can earn a Major League salary into his late 40's and support me since I'll have no Social Security.
Ed Whitson - (83 ERA+, -0.5 VORP, 4 Win Shares) - Okay maybe if the Yankees didn't have Ed Whitson making 30 starts in 1985 they win the East. Whitson had a weird career as he did absolutlely nothing of note for 12 seasons then suddenly at age 34 with the Padres he pitches like a stud for two seasons in '89 and '90 then falls off a cliff in '91 and was out of the league after that. OMG HE WAS ON THE JUICE!!!!
Joe Cowley - (102 ERA+, 25.0 VORP, 9 Win Shares) - I really don't know whole lot about Cowley. He'd be traded to the White Sox after the '85 season, pitched decently in '86, traded to the Phillies right before the '87 season where he'd meltdown and was out of baseball soon after.
Closer: Dave Rigehtti - (145 ERA+, 30.0 VORP, 15 Win Shares) - Absolute beast of a closer during the mid-80's. Started to tail off by the end of the decade and the Yankees let him leave as a free agent after 1990. Spent three years with the Giants then made brief stops with the A's, Blue Jays, and White Sox before retiring after 1995.
• This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.”
• So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol. Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games.
Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver.
• This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it.
It was addressed to some chick in Toledo.
Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.”
This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her.
• However, for as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games. Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.
Well V-Day came and went, and I was rather impressed. Did the better half and I go out for a romantic dinner and a carriage ride? No. Did we go to where we got married and think back to that glorious day where we no longer lived in sin? Nope. Did we frolic in some hippie meadow barefoot? Not even close.
We didn’t do a goddamn thing. And I loved it.
About a week ago, Mrs. kkk told me she didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day, and I reluctantly agreed. I was skeptical at first of her request; not because I’m a hopeless romantic, but rather because I got burned one time before on the “let’s not get each other anything for *insert holiday/birthday date here*.” A few years ago when we lived in Ohio and didn’t have any money for Christmas presents, she suggested that we not get each other anything. I agreed. Then, on the night before she was to drive out-of-state to her parents’ house, she gives me three gift-wrapped boxes and asked where hers were.
It’s funny. Back when I was a teen-ager and couldn’t get a date to save my life, I hated the whole Valentine’s Day concept. Look at all these happy couples enjoying each other’s company; fuck them. And this was in the days before Internet porn, so you can imagine how lonely those evenings alone would be. Now I can’t stand February 14 because the greeting card companies and other “date-related” industries want to make you feel like a shithead if you don’t buy your sweetheart flowers, candy, a ring, expensive panties, and about a dozen other things, all at retail price. Fuck that. True love isn’t two twenty-somethings gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and holding hands. True love is being with the same person for years and putting up with all the bullshit they present you with. Not cheating on them or putting a slug in their head are also necessary requirements for this “true love” definition, although you can still think about pulling an O.J. across your better half's throat when you know she’s pissed and ask her “what’s wrong” and she replies “nothing” for the 100th fucking time.
Let’s see that on a Hallmark Card.
On another related subject, the better half has a few close friends, and it’s funny to hear them try to give her advice on our relationship. They don’t do it much anymore, considering we got MARRIED (and she’s the only one out of her gang to have the ring on her finger), but back in the day when we still lived in sin Mrs. kkk was constantly told that if I didn’t propose to her by a certain time she should leave me. Now why would anyone want to do a thing like that? I’m so dang adorable, especially when I’m standing next to her in a fast-food waiting line making fun of the idiot customer who’s complaining about his food being late. Well let’s see you old bastard, the store is offering a $1 Big Mac special, you think you’re the only one who ordered that deal? There’s this thing called a DRIVE-THRU you stupid shit, and considering the Big Mac requires two patties, you can only make half the amount of this sandwich than you can a regular hamburger. So shut the fuck up and wait that extra two minutes for your discounted burger, you old bastard.
Well that was off subject. Fuck it, I’m not editing that – I put too much effort into that last paragraph to just abort it.
Anyway, it was funny listening to the better half’s friends tell her how to run her life when these people can’t even run theirs. One has been engaged three times and is currently seeing this one guy with webbed feet who I hope knocks her up because he’s a real winner (one of the better stories about him is that he banged this chick’s cousin on her uncle’s office desk). There’s another friend who is having her second out-of-wedlock child with her second baby’s daddy. The first baby’s daddy is currently in jail for sticking up a bank. True story. This guy was the manager of a fast-food place (not the one I was at in the earlier paragraph) and went out on his morning break and held up a bank right at the time they were opening, which of course means there wasn’t much MONEY in the place. Well, after collecting whatever meager bounty he could, he DROVE BACK TO HIS JOB WITH THE GUN, MASK AND MONEY IN HIS TRUNK. When the cops came by a while later to have a look inside his car, he refused. The cops then got a warrant and searched it. Now this guy is about 2-3 years into serving a 10-year sentence. Sad thing is he only got 1-2 years for the actual robbery. Most of time was because he pointed a gun at someone. I guess the lesson here is when you rob a bank/store is to point the gun at the ceiling or floor.
And despite these people giving the better half advice on what to do with our 8+ year relationship, we have managed to stay together. Now that’s true love. And I still don’t need to buy some hippie card once a year on a made-up holiday.
• A follow-up thought on the Dick Cheney shooting from yesterday. At least he got his victim to a hospital and didn’t drive into a river, leaving his unconscious passenger to die. I wonder if that would be a criminal offense in Texas?
• I didn’t realize people up in Wyoming cared enough about the Super Bowl to bet on it. At least this guy had the gumption to plan his escape just in case his $40k bet didn’t turn out as planned.
• So Paul Hackett, a Democrat Iraq vet who almost won a Congressional seat in a conservative district, has decided not to run for an Ohio Senate seat and retire from politics altogether? I thought the Democrat Leadership told us that even though he lost the election, the Party as a whole won because this showed how the voting public hated Bush’s policies. You would figure he could easily coast to a victory in a moderate swing state, especially when pitted against a weenie like Mike Dewine.
• Looks like we finally found Andrea Yates a cellmate. If these psycho moms are so depressed, why don’t they just kill themselves instead of their children? Can’t wait to see the feminazis circle the wagons on this one; maybe Katie Couric will start a fund for her.
• “Better than three in 10 New York students in recent classes failed to graduate from high school in four years, according to a study tracking students who entered the ninth grade in 2000 and 2001.” That’s the lead to an article titled “High School Graduation Rates ‘Disturbing.'” They’re disturbing all right. Disturbing in the sense that if you can’t graduate high school you deserve whatever shithole you end up in, especially since most of these dropouts weren’t taking AP classes.
• I don’t want to sound like an evil conservative (oh who the hell am I kidding?) but just how long should we be housing Hurricane Katrinia evacuees in hotels with the taxpayer footing the bill? It’s been around six months since these people were evacuated and put up in these accommodations. Personally, I’m curious to know what these evacuees have been doing since the time they left New Orleans. If they were looking for a more permanent place to re-locate, or searching for employment, I would be sympathetic. However, if they stayed in and watched television, expecting to stay where they were rent-free, then check-out time is at noon.
• Just in case you haven’t heard enough about the U.S. military torturing Arabs from Medium-Large Media, the overseas entertainment industry is getting in on the action.
While "The Road to Guantanamo" is based on the true story of three friends who set off from Britain for a wedding overseas and end up as terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay for more than two years and ended up not being charged with anything might make for a good tear-jerker, I am not one for these hippie films. I want a movie with action, you know, something I can check my brain out at the door to watch. I think I found the perfect fit for the next summer blockbuster.
Titled "Valley of the Wolves" this is the biggest-budget movie ever made in Turkey, and it stars American actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey. Here are some highlights from the article.
Of course, because you know handcuffing and putting hood on a Turkish male is one of the worst things you can do to them. And here's my early vote for the Jihad Academy Award in the "Best Infidel" Category:
I can’t wait to hear the commentary on this DVD when it comes out. Maybe there will be an Easter Egg giving us a list on what makes Allah mad.
• Well, I didn't win the Powerball jackpot, but I did learn something today. This one psycho bitch I work with is playing the lottery, but she is doing it herself and not taking part in the office pool. Now I want to win this thing more than ever.
• Say, did you all know that not only has Dick Cheney worked at Halliburton but also he shot some guy while hunting quail? Gee, I knew Dan wasn’t one of the best vice presidents out there, but did he really deserve to get shot for misspelling potato? Lolz. I guess the place where Cheney was hunting at ran out of young black males or something. Lolz2. I guess now he finally knows what it’s like to shoot another person, seeing how he skipped out on doing it in Vietnam. Lolz3. Quail? They should have been hunting "duck." Lolz4. The guy he shot was a lawyer, so it's not all that bad. Lolz5 Well, that covers what the late-night talk shows are going to talk about tonight. You heard ‘em here first, folks.
Maybe Hitlery will go with Cheney on his next hunting trip. No, that wasn't a joke. I really hope she does accompany him.
Anyway, I was listening to Hannity’s show on the way home, and for the first time in a while it was actually somewhat interesting. Well, at least the part where he played the audio of what reporters were asking the White House press guy. While there were some funny ones like “Will he resign over this?” and one reporter comparing the delayed announcement to the Katrina relief efforts, my personal favorite was “Would it have been more serious if the person he shot died?”
• Oh, and it appears that vice presidents aren’t the only ones who have hunting accidents.
• Well we now know the terrorists are Republican. Maybe their next stop will be ACLU headquarters.
• I finally got around to watching the “Wedding Crashers” yesterday. Eh. Comedies are tough for me to judge because I consider many of them to be unfunny. Comedy is a hard art to master, and it is so subjective. There were a few moments that got a chuckle out of me (Vince Vaughn's "quail hunting" bit now seems a little erie, given what just happened to Cheney), but did it have to be more than TWO HOURS long? Christ almighty, couldn’t they have wrapped up the story while at that post-wedding weekend retreat? I’m almost afraid to see the “UNCORKED” version, which will be painfully longer. I was also kind of disappointed the theatrical version didn’t include some “wedding crashers” at the end wedding.
• So Bonnie Bernstein has left the CBS’ NFL coverage because she has hit the glass ceiling in regards to her football reporting/announcing career. Good. I despise female sideline reporters, and Bonnie was no exception. Now give the job to some ex-player who can’t properly pronounce half the words he’s saying. Oh, and if there are any ideas to have Terry Bradshaw host Fox's NFL Pre-Game show in place of the departing James Brown, please scrap them now for the love of God.
• You know, I think I might like ESPN's Monday Night Football crew, what with Tirico being a perv and Kornheiser not being a total yes-man. All we need now is Joe Namath to replace Joe Theismann and bring Suzy Kolber up to the booth, and I'd watch this foursome even if the game they're announcing is the Cardinals at the 49ers.
Since the Pro Bowl was today I thought about trying to find some useless, maybe interesting Pro Bowl facts but then I remembered there is nothing interesting about the Pro Bowl. When I was younger I actually used to love watching the game and would even record it to watch it again later. What the hell was wrong with me? I would be upset when my favorite players wouldn't play in the game but now I question the sanity of any player who'd play in the game. Hey if I were a player I wouldn't play, call me a pussy if you want but I wouldn't risk my career in such a meaningless game. Well I guess suffering a potential career ending injury in the Pro Bowl wouldn't be as bad as suffering one playing a flag football game on the beach like poor Robert Edwards in 1999.
One thing I did find when I was looking for anything from the past from the Pro Bowl was the first MVP of the Pro Bowl after I was born (that being the 1979 Pro Bowl) was Ahmad Rashad. Almost no one seems to remember that he was a pretty good wide receiver in his day at the University of Oregon and then with the Minnesota Vikings. His post career is better remembered for marrying the mom from the Cosby Show and being Michael Jordan's personal interviewer. You know in the 1990's if you were to kick Michael Jordan in the balls you would have also been kicking Ahmad Rashad in the head.
Speaking of verbal fellatio of athletes, I made the mistake of flipping on the Pro Bowl when they were discussing Brett Favre. Now I don't have it down word for word but here is essentially what Mike Patrick said of Favre possibly retiring:
Good lord. I know announcers aren't journalists but how can you take someone seriously when they something like this? Mike also seems to have a conflict of interests with his feelings as he says it'll make him happy but it will break his heart. With him done with announcing after tonight he'll now have free time to stalk Brett. I definently won't miss him as listening to Mike Patrick announce a game always sounded to me like a guy calling a game that he just saw the previous week.
Well yesterday was a joy. As I was finishing up the weeklong task of cleaning up the house, I went into the last carpeted room that wasn’t vacuumed yet. After I sprinkled some carpet deodorizer onto the floor, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner wasn’t picking up any debris. We bought this thing a few months ago and now it’s on the fritz, yippie. After spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to open it up, I noticed some band was busted/burnt off, which is probably the reason for the machine’s malfunction. Fortunately, I have an extra vacuum cleaner I use for the basement. It’s designed for hardwood floors, so it didn’t work all too that well but it sucked up the carpet cleaning stuff, so now I at least don’t have to worry about the cats rolling around in this shit.
After vacuuming (or at least attempting to vacuum), I went to use the digital camera and that didn’t work. My guess is it needs new batteries, but I don’t recall seeing the “battery low” being displayed the last time I used it. Hopefully, I just need to put in a new set of batteries and don’t have to replace it altogether. Of course there were no batteries in the house, so I had to drive to the Kmart down the street and buy some. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. When I got into my car, the damn thing wouldn’t start; hopefully this vehicle just needs a new battery as well, but who knows? When it rains it pours.
After breaking these three appliances/electronic devices, I watched for the first time “Million Dollar Baby.” I remember when this film came out there was some controversy about its supposedly “pro euthanasia” theme. I didn’t really get that vibe from watching the movie.
I consider myself a “pro-euthanasia” person, but only if that is the final wish of the person dying. In this movie dying was clearly the wish of Maggie Fitzgerald; it’s not like she had an ex-husband who was telling us 10 years ago she told him that she never wanted to live like she was in that hospital. The only two things I got “offended” at in this movie were Maggie’s white-trash family and that boxer who put her in the hospital bed with a cheap shot. It would have been nice to know what happened to her boxing career after committing that sucker punch, but at that point in the movie it really didn’t matter.
I’m not sure if it deserved to win “Best Picture,” because I haven’t seen any of the other nominees for that year, but I don’t think it was filmed to have all of us go to nursing homes and start yanking away life support plugs
After watching “Million Dollar Baby” I did some channel surfing and came across yet another hippie Vh1 Top 40 List. This time it was about the Top 40 Zany Concert Moments Of All Time. Seeing how I don’t go to music concerts, I stayed with this show just to find out what I have been missing all these years. Iggy Pop rubbed peanut butter on himself – wow. U2 got stuck in some huge stage prop – next. Someone dressed up as a frog, played a saxophone and fell in a moat – extreme. However, one entry got my attention, but it wasn’t for what happened at the event. Rather it was for what one person said about the fallout.
The year was 2004 and Linda Ronstadt was doing a Las Vegas show. After going off on a political spiel, which included praising Mikey Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11” some people in the audience started booing while others got up and left. Some even, allegedly, started throwing things at Ronstadt. When this was brought up on Vh1, we got to hear the expert testimony of Cindy Lauper compare these actions to a fascist state. *Sigh* Good one, Cindy. And these public figures wonder why many people don’t take them seriously when they try to go off from a script.
I only caught the first 20 of this list of wacky concert moments, but I’m willing to bet that Alice Cooper throwing a chicken out to an audience to be dismembered or Ozzie biting the head off of something-or-other up near the top on this list. I’m sure this list will be televised at least 1,000 before the end of the year, so it’s a good bet I’ll see the Top 20 Zany Concert Moments of all time in the near future.
To not turn this into solely a blog about the Oakland A's (although I'll probably just go back to them for my next entry) I figured I'd pull out something random. So here is a look back at the 1989 NBA Draft using Win Shares.
I picked the '89 Draft because for quite the lack of talent that came out of it as there is not a future Hall of Famer in the class, it featured it's 2nd pick overall Danny Ferry pitching a fit after being selected by the Clippers and sitting out the '89-'90 season, and it was the first year that the draft was shrunk to two rounds. As you'll see they couldn't fit nearly a full round of decent NBA talent. In addition only Clifford Robinson is still active from the '89 Draft so you can realistically evaluate a draft when almost every player is no longer in the league rather than those who try to evalute only a few years after a draft. Robinson incidently enough was the best value pick of the draft as he was not selected until 36th overall.
Now for Win Shares, everyone thinks of them for baseball but at Basketball-Reference.com they came up with a version for basketball. I don't know how reliable the stat is but seems useful to compare the success of players who were drafted the same year.
1989 NBA Draft Rankings by Career Win Shares
1. Glenn Rice, Miami - 270 Win Shares (4th pick)
2. Vlade Divac, L.A. Lakers - 269 (26th)
3. Clifford Robinson, Portland - 258 (36th)
4. Tim Hardaway, Golden State - 252 (14th)
5. Shawn Kemp, Seattle - 237 (17th)
6. Mookie Blalock, New Jersey - 203 (12th)
7. Sean Elliott, San Antonio - 174 (3rd)
8. Nick Anderson, Orlando - 161 (11th)
9. B.J. Armstrong, Chicago - 138 (18th)
10. Dana Barros, Seattle - 133 (16th)
11t. Danny Ferry, L.A. Clippers - 103 (2nd)
11t. Sherman Douglas, Miami - 103 (28th)
13. George McCloud, Indiana - 80 (7th)
14t. J.R. Reid, Charlotte - 70 (5th)
14t. Pooh Richardson, Minnesota - 70 (10th)
14t. Blue Edwards, Utah - 70 (21st)
17. Chucky Brown, Cleveland - 58 (43rd)
18t. Pervis Ellison, Sacramento - 52 (1st)
18t. Doug West, Minnesota - 52 (38th)
20. Tom Hammonds, Denver - 45 (9th)
21. Stacey King, Chicago - 40 (6th)
22. Dino Radja, Boston - 38 (40th)
23. Haywoode Workman, Atlanta - 31 (49th)
24. Todd Lichti, Denver - 17 (15th)
25. Michael Ansley, Orlando - 16 (37th)
26. Randy White, Dallas - 14 (8th)
27. Greg Grant, Phoenix - 10 (52nd)
28. Kenny Battle, Detroit - 9 (27th)
29. Jeff Martin, L.A. Clippers - 8 (31st)
30. Byron Irvin, Portland - 7 (22nd)
31. John Morton, Cleveland - 6 (25th)
32. Michael Smith, Boston - 5 (13th)
33. Brian Quinnett, New York - 4 (50th)
34t. Pat Durham, Dallas - 3 (35th)
34t. Kenny Payne, Philadelphia - 3 (19th)
36t. Jeff Sanders, Chicago - 2 (20th)
36t. Anthony Cook, Phoenix - 2 (24th)
36t. Frank Kornet, Milwaukee - 2 (30th)
39t. Ed Horton, Washington - 1 (39th)
39t. Doug Roth, Washigton - 1 (41st)
39t. Scott Haffner, Miami - 1 (45th)
The Zero Club
Roy Marble, Atlanta (23rd)
Dyron Nix, Charlotte (29th)
Stlaney Brundy, New Jersey (32nd)
Jay Edwards, L.A. Clippers (33rd)
Gary Leonard, Minnesota (34th)
Ricky Blanton, Phoenix (46th)
Mike Morrison, Phoenix (51st)
Never Played
Michael Cutright, Denver (42nd)
Reggie Cross, Philadelphia (44th)
Reggie Turner, Denver (47th)
Junie Lewis, Utah (48th)
Jeff Hodge, Dallas (53rd)
Toney Mack, Philadelphia (54th)
Here's one more list, as we know just because a player had a good career didn't necessarily make him a good draft pick for the team that drafted him. So here's the Top 10 in career Win Shares for the team they were drafted by.
1. Shawn Kemp 180
2. Sean Elliott 169
3. Nick Anderson 151
4. Clifford Robinson 137
5. Vlade Divac 120
6. Tim Hardaway 115
7. Glenn Rice 109
8. B.J. Armstrong 102
9. Doug West 50
10. Dino Radja 38
Yikes quite the drop off after Armstrong.
Well, the Powerball jackpot has reached the $250 million mark, which of course means now that businesses across America are now engaged in office pools in hopes of getting the ultimate workplace bonus. Naturally my place of employment engages in this behavior whenever a lottery reaches the $150+ million mark, and I participate in my office lottery pool. Do I think I’ll win a share of this prize? Not at all. But I do know that if I don’t chip in my $5 it’s assured that my co-workers will win, and lord knows I don’t want that to happen.
A few jobs I worked at over the years have done these lottery pools, and I have always suggested the following in hopes of getting an easy win: Always have one person that regularly partakes in the office lottery not put in any money. The reason I say this is because nearly every office pool that wins these mega-lottery winnings always has some disgruntled employee suing because they weren’t offered a chance to put in a few dollars. Of course, this idea always gets shot down, but if I won part of a $100 million jackpot, I’d gladly skim a few million off the top to the person who didn’t put money in because the karma that helped us get this money was worth much more than any monetary contribution the “stiffed” person would have given.
Anyway, I know playing the lottery is like flushing your money down the toilet, but there’s no way I want to be left out of an office pool. Would you want to be that one schmoe the day after the winning numbers are called watching everyone else turn in their resignations because they each won several million? Of course you wouldn’t. And believe it or not, but the main reason I’d want to win the lottery is so when the several co-workers at my job who never participate in these pools ask to get a cut of the proceeds (and believe me they will), I can tell them to kiss my ass. Also, it would feel so great to tell any family members who I haven’t seen in at least a decade approach me with their hands out so I can say “fuck off.” The seven-digit bank account is a mere afterthought when compared to the glory of telling people you hate to jump off a bridge.
Even though I don’t regularly play the lottery, there have been two instances where I came close to winning. The first time took place years ago. I was no older than seven or eight, and I was in downtown Shittsburgh with my dad for some reason. We walked by a store that had a lottery machine, and he told me to pick three numbers for the Pennsylvania Daily Number. Not really wanting to do this, I just blurted out “804.” The old man bought the $1 ticket and gave it to me for safekeeping.
When 7 p.m. came around, it was time for the Daily Numbers to be drawn. The first number was “8.” The second was “0.” I was now up on my feet in my grandma’s living room shouting, “Come on 4! Come on 4!”
It was “5.” Sure the jackpot wouldn’t have been that big with the drawing being only three numbers between 0 and 9, but that wasn’t the point. I had aunts and uncles play this stupid game every night, and the looks of disgust I would have gotten for picking three correct numbers one night would have caused a rift in the family that probably would still go on to this very day.
The second time I came close to winning a lottery was a few years ago when I lived in the Cincinnati area. Some lottery called Mega Millions was up to an extraordinary high amount, and I became the person in charge of getting lottery entries together. (Swift Terror may remember this, seeing how we were employed there at the same time.) I didn’t mind coordinating this office pool, because that meant not having to do any real work for a day or two.
After a few days of getting the word out to the several hundred people in our building, I got entries from 57 people who chipped in $5 each. I walked down to the local Quickie-Mart and got 285 tickets. I came back, made copies of each ticket and passed them out to everyone. The Friday drawing was that night, and I didn’t stay up for it because I knew we had no chance of winning.
Or did we?
The next day I woke up and began to compare all the tickets with the winning numbers. I remember the drawn numbers had a funky order to them, like “1, 5, 6, 32 and 49” with some special colored ball being a different “25.” This unique order of numbers made it easy for me to go through the tickets, because the first several numbers were close to each other. Oops, this ticket’s low number is 24 -- loser. This one starts out with 12 -- next. Going through the tickets was smooth sailing until I stumbled across one ticket that read, “1, 5, 6, 32.” For an instant my heart stopped beating, and I think I was just seconds away from peeing myself. Naturally, the next number was off, as well as that hippie colored ball. The rest of my tickets weren’t even close to matching the winning numbers. When I looked to see what I had won for picking four correct numbers, it was $150. What really made my heart sink was that if there was one more number correct, we would have gotten a $175,000 prize, which when split up would have been a few grand per person. (If you are getting a sense of déjà vu over this story, I made a thread about this subject when it actually happened.)
Anyway, those are the two times I have come close to winning the lottery. Will tonight’s drawing be any different? The odds are 1-in-God-Knows-How-Many that it won’t be, but you never know. Somebody has to win this tax on the stupid.
