• Shoot me now. Before typing up this masterpiece of an entry you are currently reading, I popped in my Best-of Steppenwolf CD and realized that while “Born to be Wild” played I was scanning through a shopping receipt seeing how much money I saved during today's trip to the store. And for those scoring at home, I saved $11 off a $23 bill, thanks to weekly specials and coupons.
• Whenever the NIT is under way, there’s always jokesters who say things like, “time to see which team is the 66th best in the country lol.” And while it is odd, albeit funny, that this tournament has a back-to-back champ, five consecutive wins in tournament play is five consecutive wins. So to NC State I say congrats. Maybe next year you can get into the big dance and get blown out in the first round.
• Ten years ago I would have given a shit that two Republican senators are pooh-poohing a plan to limit their state’s ability to waste money, but I’ve since stopped caring. However, I have to give Ohio’s Secretary of State Ken Blackwell props for at least trying. If I still lived in this state, I’d vote for you in the Republican primary, bro. In my state of Pennsylvania, it looks like Bob Casey Jr. is going to defeat Rick Santorum in the next election. I’m not sure which pair of senators I’d want representing me: Casey and Crazy Arlen Specter, or my old senators Mike Duh-Whine and George Voino-bitch from Ohio. I guess at the end of the day having two RINOs is better than a liberal Republican and so-called conservative Democrat.
While on the subject of balanced budget talk, I remember back in the mid-90s Republicans tried to pass a Balanced Budget Amendment, which failed by a few votes. I think back to those good ol’ days when Republicans at least seemed to care about fiscal responsibility and laugh.
• Hawk 34 brought up an interesting point in his most recent entry regarding people and interruptions. One thing that really used to get on my nerves at a few former jobs was when co-workers would approach me on my break while I was listening to a CD via portable player and headphones. The following conversation would then ensue:
Them: “hey … Hey … HEY!”
Me: “What?”
“Whatcha listening to?”
“Ramones/EPMD/Offspring/etc.”
“Any good?”
For the rest of my break I’d be talking with this schmuck when all I wanted to do was listen to some goddamn music for 10-15 minutes. Oh that used to piss me off. And if these people weren’t talking about your taste in music during a short break they commented on your food during a lunch break. My favorite memory was when this retard came up to me while I was enjoying some animal crackers and milk and asked, “Whatcha eating?” What the fuck does it look like, dipshit? The bag on the table in front of me says "Animal Crackers" and there's a bunch of circus/zoo animals on the packaging. Nevertheless I humored this dolt and responded with “animal crackers.” I swear to God at this point he was sprouting wood. He started going “Ooooh ANIMAL CRACKERS. That sounds good.” Jesus Christ. If you had 99 cents in your pocket you could probably get some of your own and jerk off to their crunchy, but not-too-sweet, goodness instead of bothering me with this pisspoor attempt at small talk, or whatever you cretins try to bother me with.
While I’m on this subject, here’s another thing that gets on my nerves. You go to a retail store and buy something, anything. When you go to the register, the cashier makes some gay-ass comment about what a great purchase you made. OK, I can deal with this, after all they're just trying to be friendly. However, what sometimes comes next from these people makes me want to kill; they remark about how they wished they had whatever it was you were buying. For fuck’s sake, I bought this in the STORE YOU WORK IN. I doubt Wal-Mart or Target has a policy forbidding its employees from buying in-house merchandise. Go on your break and buy one of whatever it was that I brought to your work sta -- that is if you aren't planning on popping in a CD in the break room, only to have Doug from Electronics ask you what you're listening to.
15.
JJ Redick wins Player of the Year. This was the only correct choice. Props to JJ for winning it. But, he'll still be a mediocre pro.
Eric Moulds will be traded to Houston. Sad to see Eric go, but his best years are long behind him. And the only reason why Moulds was a pro bowl receiver was because of his freakish physical attributes. He's lost his speed, and thus lost his gamebreaking ability, therefore he's virtually worthless. He's a jerk. He drops lots of balls. He's not a reliable "possession" receiver, despite his stats saying so. Lee Evans, if he remains healthy, is definitely the man in Buffalo.
The NFL is further banning TD celebrations. Meh, I'm torn on this. Eventually, the NFL was going to have to crack down on this. Because while Chad Johnson does his cute, fun little celebrations... the human nature of spoiled athletes who have no responsibility for their actions due to their insane riches, they'll keep trying to outdo each other, and eventually people would get offended. So, the NFL nipped it in the bud now, before it would have became a problem. I have more of a problem with when some celebrations are done. I swear, those certain players that celebrate after every first down, or every TACKLE need a slap in the head. Besides, players can celebrate all they want... after WINNING THE GAME. Which is the main goal, after all.
Baseball is doing steroids investigations, blah blah blah... too late. The only way Selig and all of baseball doesn't look like total schmucks is if they admit that keeping the steroid scandal under the rug was best for them. Otherwise, the lies just keep adding up, and nothing gets resolved.
Maria Sharapova is going to win Indian Wells and Miami, sweeping the secondary US titles. I hate tennis.
I'm going to a Spring Training tomorrow in Phoenix. D-Backs vs. Yankees. I only care about seeing A-Rod. Plus, it's the first Major League game I'd ever see. I went to many Bisons games, and sitting through entire baseball games definitely isn't the most enjoyable way to spend an evening.
That's all.
Last night, i was trying to get some of my work done for my class today (in half-hour, actually) but I kept getting interupted by various circumstances.
A). My ex-girlfriend, whom I remain friendly with had to start up a AIM convo about her current relationship and said "you actually understand me, so you know what to say"
-Okay, If I understand you so damn much, why did you leave my ass? I don't need flattery to offer my advice but don't cheapen it by acting like you still need my words and wisdom. You just want to vent. I am cool with that, I've been there. It's just not right, to still claim I was the right guy for everything about you, when I was obviously not that guy. (Of course, she does like to say from time to time "I really do believe you are my soul-mate, it was just bad timing for us". Like I need to drag myself down a bottomless pit, with you. Again)
B). The O.C
-This show, used to be awesome. Remember season 1? It was the perfect show in every way. Season Two, slipped a little but the final episodes made up for it. Now, they are going head-first into cliche land. Marissa is a coke-head, now? How long did it take Kelly Taylor? I don't recall Joey Potter or Jen ever having Cocaine issues. Ryan, looks 35 now. Seth, to his credit (being the oldest actual cast member) still looks 18.
It's like they are throwing everything into one giant machine and shaking it up. How did Summer Roberts go from being the hottest girl on TV to being "ehhh", in just two seasons? Even Taylor, leap-frogged her.
C). My Dog, Gibson
-When we first got this thing, he was adorable. 2 Months later, it's been a diaster. You can't contain this thing. We have a large backyard for him to play with our other dog, a more relaxed dog but once he comes inside? He's a beast, and not in the trendy sense of the word.
D). This fucking place
-Even if it was zombie-land last night, I was still here.
I finally wrapped up my paper about 2 am.
• I’m not too good at giving directions, even though I try my darndest. Back when I used to work at the convenience store, I used to get plenty of people asking me where certain streets/buildings/etc. were and I’d just go “derp.” The only exception to this was on the weekends, when a local flea market would open. The reason I knew the location of this swap meet? Because it was literally only a few miles down the street from my workplace. Even though I always started out trying to be as helpful as I could to these people, it almost always ended in disaster. Despite the flea market only being a straight shot away, the handful of lost customers who asked me where this place was would ALWAYS question my directions of “just go straight through the intersection on Wildwood Road and it will appear on your left a few miles down.” One time this guy even whipped out a hand-written map and said that’s not where the flea market was located according to his directions, to which my response was, “well then follow your map and ignore the directions of someone who has lived in this area for six years and has visited this flea market on several occasions.” That response didn’t go over too well.
Flea market pilgrims aside, the reason I always try to be as helpful as I can to someone lost is because I’m, for the most part, a believer in karma and know if I’m ever in need of directions I’d want to get someone who is as good-intentioned as me when it comes to helping wayward travelers. Well, early this morning I was at work and realized I needed to get batteries for the digital camera. I headed out to the nearby grocery store, and as I was approaching the sliding doors, this black lady in some rusted-out hooptie called out to me. I approached her and she told me that she had gotten off the wrong exit off I-376 and was looking for the local Olive Garden. Now I only work in this area and don’t venture out much, so at first I told her that I couldn’t think of one around here. However, the little hamster in his wheel that powers my thought process kicked it into overdrive while this lady was explaining her predicament. Suddenly, I remembered where the Olive Garden was – I drove past there a few times while exploring the area when I first started my job. The problem was that I wasn’t sure of all the street names from where we were to where she would have had to go. I told her that I remembered where the Olive Garden was located. Because she was parked in the middle of the road and causing a backup in traffic, I said that if she would park her car I could write the directions down for her. She suddenly snapped in a ghetto fashion, “I ain’t got no time fo’ dat! I was ‘sposed to be o’er dere’ five minutes ago!” and sped off. Bitch. Oh well, I think I got a few extra points from the Karma Gods on that one.
• So the NFL powers-that-be decided that excessive touchdown celebrations will result in a 15-yard penalty. Lame. Sure many of these pre-planned dances and stunts are stupid, but are they really that bad? I actually enjoyed Chad Johnson’s antics last year, and before Terrell Owens drew the ire of ESPN for picking on Donovan McNabb, I was entertained by a number of his touchdown celebrations; I admit to being amused at that thing he did with the pom-pom’s a few years ago, not to mention that incident in Dallas where he went to midfield and defaced the 50-yard Star.
• While some creative end-zone celebrations may get a chuckle out of me, this story gets a full-fledged LOL. With all the PC/Affirmative Action bullshit that’s run rampant on universities today, it’s only poetic justice that there’s at least one college out there that is turning away more qualified female applicants in favor of less qualified male ones. The reason? Because there are less males going to Big Academia than women. That’s right, baby. Diversity is a two-way street, and if it’s really diverse it’s at least a four-way intersection. I especially loved the way this sure-fire feminazi ended her article, “I admire the brilliant successes of our daughters. To parents and the students getting thin (rejection) envelopes, I apologize for the demographic realities.” You ought to be apologizing for your institution’s practice of discrimination.
14.
Yesterday was an awesome day. Played tennis with some new friends at the pretty park yesterday. I was out there the entire day, too... and I'm sore as fuck today. My hamstrings feel super tight, and my toes are numb. I don't know if that's good, or not... but, I love that feeling. I need to get back into shape. I want my leg muscles to cry in pain. My goal is to get my legs to like Elena Dementieva. Someday. I will.
So, the idiots here are yammering about how attractive/unattractive I am. First off, why people are responding to Evanderblahblah is beyond me. He's such an obvious troll. Obviously, I'm attractive. I'm hardly model material, but I do quite a bit to make sure I stay in good shape, so I do take it seriously. Plus, insulting girls' looks is a heartless thing to do. I know I deserve it since I insult everyone and I'm an uber-heel... but, it's really not something you should be doing. For females, our entire offense and defense when meeting people is our looks. And when you tell us that we're not attractive... it can easily fuck with people's minds. So, cool down on it. Thanks.
Not much else. Bored at work today. Want to go outside and play. Damned beautiful weather is cutting off my online time.
Having no choice of cable provider sucks. My cable company in Cincinnati, Time Warner, has a standard tier of programs and then a few digital tiers. The digital tiers promise a better picture and more channel choices. One of the big selling points for the satellite providers is that ALL of their channels are digital. I received a letter last summer from Time Warner that stated that they were going to make all of their channels digital, in an effort to keep up with satellite. Well, I never heard another thing about it for months and decided to ask them about it. The response I got was a vague statement that all of the channels are digital. Huh? There has been no difference in the picture quality of the standard tier channels. Also, if all the channels are digital then why do they have a separate digital tier? God, I want to move to satellite, but I don't want to have to deal with outages due to weather.
Borders and Waldenbooks are not going to allow the latest issue of Free Inquiry on their shelves. The secular humanist magazine is publishing the cartoons of Muhammed that have angered Muslims around the world. No word yet on whether Barnes & Noble will do same. Something tells me Borders carrys plenty of Mapplethorpe books. Actually, I'll have to cut Borders some slack. Their stated reason for not carrying the mag is the safety and security of their employees. That's reasonable and understandable, as opposed to not wanting to offend anyone.
NYU did not allow a student group to show the cartoons as part of a discussion centering around the controversy. Academic freedom? Nah, none here. We all know the reason why they had blank easels instead of the cartoons. They don't want to offend Muslims on campus, who spoke out about them. However, there is no doubt they would show the famous piece of art with the crucifix in urine if that subject were discussed--and they should, as they should show the cartoons. But they don't worry about or fear Christians.
• Gotta love the Europeans. I guess their fans at soccer games can get a bit unruly and FIFA has issued reminders that RACISM will not be tolerated. Of course, you could always punish the FANS who are being racist shitheads, but that would require individual responsibility, and this is Europe we’re taking about after all. I don’t know much about European society, but I do know that some of their soccer enthusiasts put U.S. idiot fans to shame.
• So the city of Houston took in the evacuees of Hurricane Katrina and what do they have to show for it? A rise in crime. Thank God nobody wants to come to my city; we have enough derelicts as it is.
• Will someone please put General Motors out of my misery? It’s hard to feel bad for a company that set itself up for a huge fall when instead of cutting back and streamlining, they agreed with unions to let laid-off workers sit in these jobs banks, collecting a fat paycheck and receiving health benefits.
• So how much is it worth to find true love? Apparently $12,000 if you’re some schmoe suing eHarmony.com for not being allowed to sign up for this dating service. The reason he was turned down? He’s still married, which is a no-no, according to eHarmony. On a side note, I don’t understand why anyone would join that place. It’s not that finding love on the Internet is necessarily a bad thing (it can’t be any worse than the local bar scene), but rather because the Web site’s founder is one of the most annoying commercial spokespeople in recent memory. Also, I so want to see these testimonials from those couples they show on television a few years down the road when the shine of wedded bliss has long faded.
• I mentioned in Carnival’s blog that I have been regulating the feeding of my three cats. By giving each a quarter-cup of food in the morning and at night, I’m hoping this will prevent any health-related problems with them such as diabetes. The problem with this though is that now it’s nearly impossible to cook anything because you get overrun by felines on the hunt for food. This evening I was cooking a Lean Pocket in the oven (I can’t stand eating those things straight out of the microwave; it takes longer to bake a Pocket, but it’s worth it in the end.) and was getting a turkey sandwich prepared for a brief baking. The Lean Pocket was ready to be taken out, so I partially opened the oven door and turned back to finish putting the condiments on the sandwich. It was at this time when JJ trotted into the kitchen and began sniffing around; my guess is that he was smelling the Chicken Quesadilla Lean Pocket. I kept an eye on him and noticed that his backside began wiggling, which is always followed by a lunge/leap/charge. When I realized that he was about to jump in an oven that’s been at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, I reached for him, but I was too late. He jumped INTO THE OVEN. Fortunately, he’s not very coordinated and he only managed to get his front end onto the oven’s opening. His weight made the door fall all the way down, and I was able to get him to jump off the door completely.
When I turned around back to my sandwich, I saw Dessa (who jumped up onto the island counter -- where my sandwich was -- while I was dealing with JJ) sniffing the turkey meat that was out. As I picked her up off the island, the little bitch snagged a slice of turkey in her mouth while in mid-air and took off with it under the living room coffee table. Thank God Max was too busy looking out an opened window and didn’t get in on this action.
Hi there Ortonsault, are you comfortable and angry?
Comfortable and furious, TSM.
Then go ahead and speak for America, Ortonsault.
Ok, here it goes. The first four rounds of the TSM Poster Tournament were fun. I voted for Slayer, but only until it was time to set up the dream finale between Carnival and Czech. Slayer, however, slew the mighty Carnival. We then had a very anticlimactic championship bout.
Bottom line, America? I'm declaring that my tournament—the Ortonsault World Order—is the only legitimate poster tournament. Why? It's my birthday today, and so hey! (hey!) nothing you can say! (say!).
Princess Leena
--------------------Princess Leena
The Dames
----------------------------------------Princess Leena
The Amazing Rando
--------------------The_Amazing_Rando
The_Amazing_Rando
------------------------------------------------------------Princess Leena
Ortonsault
--------------------Ortonsault
Batistasault
----------------------------------------Ortonsault
JudasSault
--------------------Anglesault
Anglesault
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Princess Leena
Carnival
--------------------Carnival
Hot Dicky Shoe
----------------------------------------Carnival
Heel Turn
--------------------Heel Turn
Face Turn
------------------------------------------------------------Carnival
The Czech Republic
--------------------The Czech Republic
Eddie Winslow
----------------------------------------The Czech Republic
CronoT
--------------------CronoT
fanofcoils
In the mid 1980s, Porsche introduced a supercar known as the 959. At the time, it was the most amazing automobile on the planet. Costing around $300,000, it featured technological wizardry that is still admirable in 2006. It has now been sent to the woodshed by the new Bugatti Veyron. The quad-turbo 16 cylinder Veyron is the most powerful production street car ever made (1000 bhp), the quickest ever, and the fastest ever. Only a select few will ever drive one, fewer still will own one, considering you will have to lay down over 1 million dollars to have one in your driveway.
How amazing is this street car? Consider this: Fitted with the proper tires, it would easily win any Nascar race as its top speed is 252 mph. That top speed is in Indy car territory.
The British automobile show "Top Gear" recently featured the Veyron. The show's host, Jeremy Clarkson, drove the car across France on his way to London. He was racing his two co-hosts, who were flying a Cessna in an attempt to beat him to London. They lost.
Top Gear is the best show about cars I've ever seen. It was briefly seen in America on the Discovery Channel, only to be yanked off (rumor is that Discovery is trying to produce an American version). It was a thoroughly British show, some of the cars were Europe-only models, they were right-hand drive, etc. Most of their pop-culture references were incomprehensible to an American viewer. But despite all that it is very entertaining and interesting.
The host of Top Gear is a tall, ungainly yob who frequently utters anti-American sentiments, as do the other hosts. It seems anti-Americanism is deeply embedded in their Id or Superego or whatever the hell the appropriate sub-conscious is for this example. They always trash American cars, but it doesn't stop there. Yet I still find episodes to watch from the internet--the show is too good to stop watching simply because of their bias.
Man, I don't wanna get up tomorrow. But it's my 2nd to last day of this 8am bullshit. Then I start working at noon. Which allows me to stay up later cuz I'm a night owl.
Today I didn't do shit really, my mom and stepdad were in town, so we picked up my niece from school and went to my sister's house. I tested my digital camera out on her animals. Except for her waste of money, excuse to not have children, horses. I hate horses.
Ollie, this cat is very good at staring into people's souls.
Trev, this fucker is old, and he once tipped the scales at 28lbs.
Slapnuts, my sister actually named him, she doesn't really like wrestling other than The Rock, Austin, and Jeff Jarrett. Yes, I'm serious.
Keemo, pussy tore his ACL recently. He's milking that for all it's worth.
Sherman, also lovingly reffered to as "Alien Pig" by some. Weirdest dog ever. He sits in that position(2nd pic) and rubs his ass on the carpet....while licking it. sometimes he goes in circles, by swing his head around to gain momentum. It's not that he has worms, he got them once, but he's done that almost all his life, it HAS to be sexual.
13.
I need to update this more. Mindless rambling calms my insane brain matter. Unfortunately, work has been busy, forcing me to do stuff. Which I shouldn't complain about, because the day goes so much faster when you're constantly running around doing stuff. Although, I would prefer this business consisting of computer junk, instead of running errands for people and walking back and forth from 5 floors. Especially with the uncomfortable pretty shoes I wear for work. But, such is life. I'm never satisfied.
I read some of the comments here, and the expected opinions of how horrible I am have ensued. Bleh. I don't need people to tell me these things. Unless it's someone I don't like and/or you swear and insult me a lot. So, we can fight. I love to fight.
The last few days have been boring. Yesterday, was basically work, eat, watch Raw, sleep. Awful. I always feel so stupid after watching Raw. Even though I rarely do, I eventually come back to it every few months... and it is just SO bad. The main event with Vince was hard to watch. I'm obviously forcing myself to watch WM, and I hope it blows like expected, so I don't con myself into watching anymore. I'll stick with SD for a while, though.
Had tennis tonight. A mixture of a lesson/match type thing. As anyone who's watched me play knows, you can't give me lessons. I have the most unique, fucked up game possible. Ginormous serve, decent volleys, and can't hit a backhand in the court to save my life. Probably due to me being legally blind in my left eye, and my general clumsiness and oafness.
And now, I'm playing MVP '04. With my beloved cheating Yankees. A-Rod hitting 100+ HR's a year. And plunking Jeter with pitches at every chance. Great fun.
Not much else to talk about. I have off tomorrow, and have no idea what I want to do. And all the fun sports stuff starts this weekend, with the Final 4, and sucky WM, and the Snobby Asshole golf tournament next week. Where I'll only care if Hefty and Eldrick the Bum lose in horrible fashion.
Fin.
GM and Ford's recent fiscal year has been horrible. GM alone LOST something like 4 billion dollars. Yet I'm happy because they are building powerful muscle cars that harken back to the high-horsepower heydey of the 1960s and early 1970s. Rear wheel drive cars with torquey V8s and prominent badging. A car guy's dream.
Now, it's true we have had 2 American cars that have been holding the fort for a while, but they were the only two. Of course I'm talking about the Corvette and the Viper. But those 2 were for the upscale set. A true muscle car should be available to the masses, a real blue-collar type. Recently things have picked up, starting with the retro stylings of the Mustang, and continuing with three new cars.
Dodge Charger. Well, they screwed this up, it could be argued, by giving the car four doors. To be a proper muscle car, it should have 2 doors, but I wouldn't mind owning one. The R/T had a Hemi and something on the order of 325 bhp. Now they have the Charger SRT8, 6.1 Hemi with 425 bhp and Ram Air hood. Kick ass.
Dodge Challenger. One of the great monikers from the muscle car era. A late comer, but very popular. A properly restored 1970 Hemi R/T Challenger will go for around 1 million dollars at auction. (A Hemi 'Cuda convertible sold for 2 million dollars a few months ago). This car is going to be simply awesome. It will have a Hemi of course, retro styling, and some nifty gadgetry like on-board telemetry.
Chevrolet Camaro. The Camaro is coming back after being killed off by GM in 2002. News of its demise was greatly exaggerated. Also sporting the retro styling craze, the design channels the famous 1969 Camaro, one of the most popular Camaros ever. With the comeback of the Camaro, we'll see if mullets and hair bands are far behind.
While the gasoline is coursing through my veins, I'll talk about the incredible Bugatti Veyron in my next post.
One of Europe's most legendary and respected metal bands, Gamma Ray, has tour dates this spring and summer in the United States. When heavy metal got wiped out by the grunge wave of the 90s, Europe was the only place to find metal. And wow, was it ever metal. It could be argued that much of it was better than what we had here in the U.S. One of the best was Gamma Ray, a German band renowned for the technical precision of their music. Fast, furious, and exquisite. Whaddaya expect, they're German aren't they?
They are going to be in Massachussetts, New York, Virginia, and Los Angeles this year.
The only bad thing is that their latest release, "Majestic", contains some strong anti-American lyrics. One of the songs alludes to the War on Terror and how we (Bush) has unleashed his evil on the world, etc. So I won't be making the trip and spending money on their concerts. Yes, I already bought the CD. Now I wish I had downloaded it for free.
Here are the lyrics:
Oppression deadly reign
Madmen gone insane
They hate and bring us pain
Bloodlust in their eyes
Getting high on torture cries
They hate and terrorize
They sacrifice
They try to break my will
They claim the right to kill
My world is standing still
I`m lost in hell
They try to make me right
A prisioner no reason why
All I try is to survive
The world`s demise
Chained in darkness - Screaming for the light!
Killing pain to save my life
[Chorus]
Condemned to hell - I`m facing the end of my days
Condemned to hell - Their torches are burning
Condemned to hell - My freedom will burn at the stake
Condemned to hell - The dark age returning
They don`t care, they close their eyes
Kick away our human rights
A world dehumanized
Now tell me... how many gave their lives?
How many have to die?
Killed by official lies
With stars and stripes
Pain and anger - Killing all the light!
Darkness comes... eternal night
[Chorus]
Condemned to hell - I`m facing the end of my days
Condemned to hell - Their torches are burning
Condemned to hell - My freedom will burn at the stake
Condemned to hell - The dark age returning
Chained in darkness - Screaming for the light!
Killing pain to save my life
[Chorus]
Condemned to hell - I`m facing the end of my days
Condemned to hell - Their torches are burning
Condemned to hell - My freedom will burn at the stake
Condemned to hell - The dark age returning
Condemned to hell
Condemned
[Repeat 3 times]
Hell! Hell!
Thomas Jefferson said coffee "is the favorite drink of the civilized world." Of course that was a slap in the face to England, a bunch of nancy-boy tea drinkers that we wished to distance ourselves from in any way possible. Those cats back in the early days of the country were crazy-mad coffee drinkers. Fast forward some 200 years and here I am in a typical office environment trying to get a decent cup of coffee. There are four avenues available to me.
1. Take part in the office coffee club. $5 per month or 25 cents per cup. No way, I have no control over who makes the pot, it could turn out watered down.
2. Bring in my own small coffee maker. Eh, too much trouble, I'd have to decide whether to bring the coffee I have at home to the office during the week and take it back for the weekend, or buy an extra can just for work....bah, the hell with it.
3. Stop at a coffee shop every morning. Haha, way too expensive. Plus, what if want a cup after I've been at work a couple hours.
4. Instant coffee.
Yep, 4 gets it. Now, which brand to buy. I've had Folgers and did not like it. I had Maxwell House and liked it. Then I bought a second batch and found it tasted different and thought they had changed the formula. They had not, but I'll get to that in a second. So thinking that Maxwell House had changed their coffee, I decided to try Nescafe Tasters Choice. Never had it, it's been around a long time, a name brand, I figured I couldn't go wrong. Plus they had those hip, cool commercials in the 90s that were like mini soap operas. Well, I opened it up for the first time and the odor was something on the order of dog shit. If you think I am exaggerating, I assure you I am not. So I went back and browsed the coffee aisle, and realized that Maxwell House has two different coffees on the market. I had bought the new one, called "Rich". It sucks. The old classic was still there and is better.
Now what to do about the 10 o'clock snack...
It is very hard to classify Professional Wrestling.
It is very much a unique thing. Beyond the "pseudo-sport" and beyond "low-brow entertainment" that the mainstream would classify it as. Beyond the "art" and "morality play" that wrestling fans try to intellectualize it as. Beyond that. What professional wrestling is, is... well... professional wrestling. There isn't much you can compare it to.
The people who call it a pseudo-sport, the people who call it low-brow entertainment, the people who call it art and a morality play... they all have something there, but it's not the whole story. The goal of sport is to present a competition with winners and losers, which wrestling does present. Wrestling is pretty simple to 'get' and it does pander to the lowest common denominator. Wrestling tells stories and takes a certain amount of skill to perform, so one could see it as an art. And there is the element of good vs. bad and morality in it, and it is put forth before an audience.
But there is one distinct element, and it's the most defining element of professional wrestling, that is not covered by these descriptions.
Wrestling is about the audience. It is about satisfying the audience, it is about connecting with the audience, it is about getting a bigger audience in your next show than the one you have on your last. It is about making money.
Sport is not about making money. It does make money, but the primary goal of the athletes is to win and score points. Art is about conveying a feeling, or a situation, or showing a degree of skill. You can't really compare a painting or a song with wrestling. You can compare some elements of a film or theatre with wrestling, but the goal of film and theatre is not really to make money - that's the goal of producers and studios - but the actors, director, writers, etc. their goals are not to make money, and they don't have the immediacy of the live audience. Those involved in the process may want to be telling a story, or to perform well, or to get an award or critical acclaim, but it's not about making money. I think this is where we start to pervert what wrestling is.
Wrestlers are not actors. They are not artists. There is not an OSCAR that they are looking for. Yet some rate them as if they are out to win one - or at least the wrestling equivalent of an OSCAR - which is unfair. I find it silly to criticize a wrestler for no selling something when that very no selling gets a strong reaction from the crowd - as it is the wrestlers job to get that reaction from the audience. "Selling" is a means of getting a reaction from the audience, just as storytelling is, just as cupping your hand to your ear is, just as doing a really cool move is, or working a sleeper hold, or payback spots, or even no selling. There are many ways to get that reaction, but it's the reaction that matters, not how they get it. Their performances are only as good as the reaction it gets from the live audience. That is what makes wrestling unique.
Which leads me to the most apt comparison I can make to professional wrestling. And that is...
Stand-up Comedy.
Comics are similiar to Wrestlers in this regard: Jokes are moves; There is build and pacing and even selling, and most importantly, there is the audience. A successful comedian, a good comedian, is one who does what?
Get the most laughs. Get's the loudest reaction.
Ditto Wrestlers.
A Comedian doesn't have a script to work from. Neither to wrestlers. Sure, there are preplanned spots for both, but if the audience isn't feeling it, then good Comedians will adapt. When to tell the right joke, to know when the right time to follow-up on a joke, to know how long to let the audience laugh for, to know when to leave the stage. That's what comedy is all about, that is what wrestling is all about. The ultimate goal is to make the audience laugh. It doesn't matter if their stories make sense, it doesn't matter if the Comedian contradicts what he said, it doesn't matter whether it is high brow or low brow, it doesn't matter if the Comedian uses a thousand F-bombs or none... as long as the Comedian gets that audience laughing... it doesn't matter. It only matters when the audience isn't laughing. It's silly to call a Comedian who has an audience eating out of the palm of his hand, to bad Comedian. You may not like it, you may not laugh, but that's where true objectivity comes in - even when it doesn't work for you, you can still admit to it working for others and give the Comedian credit for that.
Ditto Wrestlers.
Yet we don't evaluate Comics on things like logic. Which is a big problem with how fans look at wrestling.
It doesn't matter if the match doesn't make sense, it doesn't matter if someone forgets to sell the leg that was being worked on, it doesn't matter if they used high spots or garbage... as long as the Wrestlers get the audience into it... it doesn't matter. It only matters when the audience isn't into it. THEN you can look at things like no selling, like logic, like high spots and garbage. Bringing up those things to explain why a match doesn't work, when the match did work, doesn't make sense. Why it didn't work _for you_, sure, but then don't claim objectivity when you make those statements in the face of it working for the vast majority of those watching live.
We evaluate Comics on how they made us laugh and how they made the audience laugh. Not by how the story about the baby selling weed on the street doesn't make sense. I think the same should apply to Wrestler. Because the goals of the two are more similar than they are to any other performer out there.
• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.”
There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something.
Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’”
Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.”
To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz.
• Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind.
• OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind.
• I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season.
• So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
I finally got around to watching Takada vs. Albright, from UWF-i (first match). I have a few things to say.
1. If I were ever to start up a promotion in 1993 in North America, the first two guys I would sign would be Nobuhiko Takada and Gary Albright. Above everyone else at that time, these two guys were fucking awesome in their roles. And I say that with full knowledge of how good Kobashi, Lyger, Misawa, Benoit, etc. were at that time. Gary Albright should have been a huge star, in my view. I love his promos, because the dude doesn't really cut "promos". Whatever he says, it sounds like he's saying it honestly and that he means it 100%. He's a big guy, but he's humble. He knows his strenghts and his weaknesses and he knows his opponents strengths and weaknesses and he talks about thim with this sincerity that you don't get anywhere else in wrestling.
I love his wrestling style, and he gets dogged on way too much. He wasn't one of the best workers, but he was incredible at playing the monster role. He was a damn good wrestler. He has the best suplexes ever. He sold very well. And he knew when to let his opponent get the advantage and for him to look weak, and he knew when to turn it up. Takada is near perfect in the way he mat wrestles and strikes and sells both giving a beating and taking one. Very few have been able to pull of "the man" like Nobuhiko Takada.
2. I love watching the UWF-i Bushido shows because you get the British announcing. The commentary team is this straight laced American, and this sorta gruffed up Brit, and they work well with each other. I love listening to footbul commentary more than actually watching the games, and if they could bring one of those announcers over to wrestling and convey the same sort of drama and emotion that they do for footbul, then wrestling would be much better for it. I watched some ROH yesterday (Generation Next show), and the announcing was the complete opposite of that. The announcing here really builds up this epic feel where both guys are undefeated and one must lose. Even if you haven't seen a whole lot of UWF-i or know alot about these two guys, you still buy it. They start off with interviewing Albright, they show the two fighters entering the ring, and they have the national anthems play
3. UWF-i fucking rocked. A completely different spin on professional wrestling with the point system that was used REALLY well here. They start off with 15 points, you lose a point if you get caught in a submission or need a rope break or get taken down, and you lose 3 points on the knockdown and they give you a 10 count to get up. The effect of being down on points (or being up) can make for some nice drama. Near the end of the match, with Albright so close to losing on points, him managing to pull it out with 2 huge german suplexes which KILLED Takada, was tremendous storytelling. No matter what happens in a fight, the monster is still the monster. The psychology is as pure as you can get for professional wrestling because they treat it as a real fight.
The match itself is, to me, a **** affair. There's plenty of action - Takada throws some sick kicks which Gary sells brilliantly - Gary throws some beautiful looking suplexes including a rolling belly to belly and the aforementioned german suplexes - the ground work is not at the leve of Takada/Tamura, but it's still pretty good. The fight itself is decided really on their feet where Takada tries to win with striking and Gary with Grappling. The finish astonished me, which is a testiment to how well worked the match was.
I decided to stop the personal bitchy-emo fest of my own and wanted to focus on this excellent piece of awesomeness.
The Ballad of Lacey
In case you don't know what that is, it's a hilarious music video of Jimmy Jacobs's love for Lacey. The video alone is worth checking out the entire storyline has been a fresh burst of energy for the wrestling business.
While Vince McMahon and Triple H are destroying the babyfaces on Raw, Kurt Angle looking like a third wheel in the Mania program despite being the champion...
You have this wonderful simplistic story that used the modern-day technologies of the Internet to advance storylines. It's a classic storyline "Wrestler falls for another girl, girl has no interest in him. Wrestler's blind love gets his ass kicked". What this does was add a intentionally hilarious take-off of that storyline, Jimmy Jacobs was already perfectly over the top at the shows, so much that he intentionally botched a top rope spot to put over the storyline.
The lyrics to this song is a perfect blend of kayfabe and using IWC terms (the market that it's intended for).
Jimmy Jacobs did all of this on his own, the video, the myspace and to really live out the storyline....He even stays in character on AIM.
Right now, his away message reads "I <3 Lacey.". In a business where the top name in charge of the biggest monoply loves to shoot on national programing, you got guys like Jimmy Jacobs staying in character and using his own creativity to propel this storyline.
This proves that if you let a wrestler be in charge of his character and gimmick, he will know what to do with it better then most writers ever do. The WWE and TNA, really don't have a handle on this. WWE could use creativity like this, in a big way.
One of my rules to maintaining a happy existence is not to get involved in matchmaking. Heed these words of wisdom. The reason I bring this up now is because the better half is trying to play Chuck Woolery (only without the penis) with one of her friends. I talked about this chick a while back, and to make a long story short she’s approaching the ripe old age of 27 and is moaning that she’s going to be an unwedded, childless spinster for the rest of her life.
A few years ago she was slated to get married, but her groom-to-be bailed with two months to go before the big day. Ever since then she’s been trying desperately to find Mr. Right, or even Mr. He’s Not That Bad. Let me do a quick rundown of some of the guys she’s bedded since the jilting. There was this one guy with webbed feet who told her he just wanted to be friends; friends that fuck, that is. Oh, and from what I heard, this guy is under a court order never to be near his child from a previous marriage. There was that guy who was her date at my wedding, got shit-faced and talked about suicide after she broke up with him. He wasn’t that bad a guy, but she had decided she couldn’t be with him because she was in love with the webbed foot person. The most recent guy called it quits Sunday with her because, according to him, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Of course, his definition of “going out” involved her attending his weekly pool and bowling league competitions (the final blow for him came when she didn't attend one of these leagues Saturday night). Oh, and this guy also refers to himself in the third person.
I should mention that her taste in men has been less-than-stellar even before the “wedding, or lack thereof” incident. Before this, she dated some guy in high school who used to beat the shit out of her (oddly enough, I found out later that this guy was the grandson of the elderly family the better half and I bought our house from). She also dated some guy who was sentenced for several months in jail for two charges of corruption of a minor (prosecutors tried to get him on rape, but to no avail). Also, the guy she was supposed to marry wasn’t all up there either; one time when Mrs. kkk and her were having a “girls’ night out” at a local restaurant, I was told this guy called her on the cell phone a dozen times in a two-hour period. He thought she was cheating on him; as it turns out, he dumped her to be with some gal he was boning on the side, not to mention in the missionary position, doggy-style, etc.
Anyway, after Mr. Talks In The Third Person dumped her last night, she called the better half crying hysterically because this guy was going to be "the one," or at least "the next one." When this phone call ended, my beloved said that she wanted to set her friend up with this guy who was the brother of the ex-boyfriend of her niece. Now I have nothing against my niece’s ex; in fact, I’d rather have him as a nephew than the out-of-control teen that is my niece-in-law. When Mrs. kkk asked me what I thought of setting her friend up, I looked up from watching an all-day James Bond marathon and said it was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
I can understand if you’re a chick and want to help your friend find Mr. Right. I can understand if you’re a guy and want to hook up your buddy with some quick poon. But you just don’t do it. If I know someone and another of my acquaintances inquires as to the availability of said friend, I’ll let them know if they’re in a relationship or on the open market. I might even give a personality overview like “Yeah, she’s nice,” or “He’s a good guy.” Hell, if I get annoyed by my friend constantly talking him or her, I might even say something like “Well then ask her out dip shit.” But under no circumstances will I go any further than that.
And besides, I can’t wait until the better half’s friend hooks up with some slime ball just because he stayed around her longer than three weeks. Hopefully some children will be involved, which will only add to the fun stories that are sure to come from this match made in heaven.
-Well, my week of Spring Break is over. Some spent there spring break in Cancun. My Sister spent hers in South Carolina. Me? I spent it visiting my parents. Nothing special.
-Anyways, I've noticed that everywhere I go these days, there's a magazine with Ashlee Simpson on The cover. My question is, why? Really, why is she on so many magazine covers? Is she still popular?
-There's some neat little movies coming out tomorrow on DVD. The one I am most interested in for some reason, is "Shadow: Dead Riot". This does not look like a good movie per say, but it looks more like a movie that is so bad it will be great. Plus, it's a zombie movie, a martial arts movie, and a women in prison movie all in one.
-I hope everyone who has read it enjoyed the review of Tobe Hooper's "Mortuary" that I posted on my blog.
-Finally, I hope Carnival and Lushus have a good time at Raw tonight. Granted, Raw has sucked it hard for a while now, but I still hope they have fun.
So, here it is. It's monday afternoon and I am currently in the cpu lab at school, waiting for my late-start class that I added (for easy credits), the class doesn't begin until 5:30 and it's over at 8:25. My last class ended at 11:50. That left me with quite a bit of time to waste.
The problem is? I'm a commuter regional branch campus, there's nothing to do here. We have a tiny little lounge area in the main building and this cpu lab. Not even a cafeteria or anything (that's because they are adding a giant wing to the main building and that closed the regular lounge and cafeteria for the time being). It's in Middletown, a town that KKK is well-versed with. He can testify that it's basically a dead town.
There's ample dining locales, but not much in the way of entertainment. The local mall is basically reduced to a JCPennys and some other department store. The local movie theater doesn't run in the afternoon during the week and it's a dump anyways. There's a bowling alley but who goes there on Monday afternoons?
I can't go home, because that's a 35 mile drive thats unneccesary because I would have to drive back here for that class anyways. Most of my friends, don't go to this school. When you attend a commuter school, you don't get much social exercise.
I have no work to do, I actually managed to accomplish that already. I already ate a quick lunch at a local chinese buffet (which I will regret in about an hour). I just sit here, listening to random music, surf random websites including this message board...
This past weekend, wasn't that great. Sure, basketball was interesting but it really doesn't mean anything.
I'm profoundly bored. My on again, off-again girlfriend/best friend is coming home 2moro morning for Spring Break, so hopefully that'll perk me up for the time being.
There was really no point to this whole thing.
