10 p.m.
• You know, sometimes when you work for idiots you really want to get the hell out of there. However, there’s something that keeps me from really looking for another job. That reason? Because this place is awesome – in a trainwreck sort of way. Our Marketing Director, which is a fancy way to say “head insurance salesman,” gets boned at every turn at this place and today may have been the final straw. Long story short. Late last month he attended this public event to meet and greet/press the flesh/do that sales stuff which keeps the wheels of commerce spinning. And yesterday he turned in his expense report. Today he got called up and got scolded for a $600 tab. He was gone for three days in Michigan. All he put down was the daily per diem and mileage. He didn’t add anything for food, tolls or other expenses, like, say the RENTAL CAR he got because his two vehicles were in the shop. Here’s how it broke down:
Hotel: More than $100 per night for three nights.
Mileage. Just under $300 round-trip from Shittsburgh to Michigan.
Oh, and this is the first time after more than two years on the job that he turned in a per diem expense. (He didn't even know he was allowed to turn in a per diem for events like this until earlier this year when he told the one idiot that he couldn't afford to keep going to these out-of-state events. That's when the idiot said, "You can put your hotel costs on an expense report." This is the same idiot that gave my co-worker his orientation at this place; I would have thought per diems would have been mentioned when my poor co-worker is "encouraged" to travel as often as possible.) Did I mention he has a "Marketing Budget" of $5,000 that he hasn't been allowed to spend at all this year? After this confrontation, my partner in crime began the day’s job search and had an interview at 3:15 p.m. with a place that knows in 2006 my co-worker did more businesses than the top four producers at the next busiest organization in our field. If he leaves within the next few days I’m going to have a grand ol’ time at work, especially since that will mean my idiot bosses will be too pre-occupied trying to play damage control when my co-worker sends out correspondence describing exactly why he left, which means I’ll be left alone even more than usual. Good times, I say.
• Even though the Smues household may be paying more than he would like for car insurance on a 2000 Ford Ranger that has been driven 115,000+ miles, it could have been worse. The future Mrs. Smues could have had a guy with a penis pendant sell her the car.
• Oh good lord.
08.) Aerosmith-Rock in a Hard Place
At this point in their career, Aerosmith were in some serious trouble. We all know about the drugs and whatnot, and Joe Perry and Brad Whitford being kicked out. The result? Fortunately, not something that tries to keep up with the times, but Aerosmith's worst. "Joanie's Butterfly" is a real cringer, with it's bad attempt at psychedellia, while "Jailbait" sounds like a bad leftover song, as does much of the album. At least Joe Perry returned after this one.
07.) Elvis Presley-Having Fun on Stage
No it's not music. It's Elvis in his 70's lowpoint, basically talking on stage. That's right, an album of Elvis doing nothing but talking, telling jokes (you haven't lived untill you've heard Elvis try to impersonate a Black Woman), asking for a glass of water, showing us eleven ways to pronounce "Memphis", and generally making an ass of himself. This was released thanks to Col. Tom Parker BTW, and was actually released as a legitimate concert album. Strangest of all: There's 5 fucking volumes of this. No, I'm not kidding you, there is 5 volumes of this. And let me remind you, this wasn't released to piss off the label, like Metal Machine Music-this really was released as a serious, legitimate album.
06.) Mick Jagger-She's the Boss
Ok, I can understand Mick wanting to do an album that doesn't sound much like the Stones, but this is unforgiveable. Featuring a who's who of artists (Herbie Hancock, Pete Townsend, and even Jeff Beck) to do a generic. dated, and all around awful album. Actually, now that I think about it, all of Jaggers solo work sucks, but this really bears to be mentioned because it's the first one that came to mind. Oh, and don't get me started on the cover.
11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations
You think Genesis with Phil Collins as the focus sucks? Well, they suck harder without him believe it or not. Here, the band tries to combine their pop success with their art-rock genius of the 70's. The end result? An over polished, over indulgent, synth heavy (in the bad sense), and horrible songs like "Congo" and "Small Talk." I remember being a teenager, and one of my mom's friends talking about how bad it is, and the Daily Show making fun of it. That's the only good that came out of it.
10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution
I love the Butthole Surfers. There 80's albums are the most disturbing Psychedelic Rock albums ever recorded. This 2001 however, almost makes you forget those great moments. Filled with generic Beck soundalikes, bland industrial rock/trip hop mixes, none of the awesome guitar work of Leary, and a song produced by Kid Rock of all people. (So for those who were wondering were Kid Rock was in this countdown, here you go.)
09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap
Crap indeed. After Mick Jones left the Clash, Joe Strummer (may he R.I.P.) tried to do an album that sounded like old punk-quick and to the point. The album itself doesn't cut it (pun intened), as it sounds like a bad parody of punk. It also sounds formullaic, boring, and lyrically horrendous. This was the last Clash album also, though Strummer went to do much better things.
9 p.m.
• So I finally saw that Jeff Gordon video where his car gets pelted with beer after winning some race that put him past the late Dale Earnhardt in the wins total, or something like that.
Holy crap was that funny. I’ve said before I’m not a NASCAR fan, so I don’t know shit about caution flags, points or changing tires in 4 seconds. Back in the late 1990s when I worked third shift at a yearbook publishing center in Sappy Valley, a few people around me would always talk NASCAR. Of course I had no idea what they were fighting about, but one thing I took from their heated debates was that you were either a Gordon fan or an Earnhardt fan. If that’s the case, I probably would be in the Earnhardt camp. But like I said above, that video was hilarious. Good job, Alabama. For some reason the first thought to pop into my head after seeing this was that faux commercial South Park did a while back titled “Alabama Man.”
• In keeping up with the San Fran theme from the 1:30 p.m. entry, here's another story that was conceived in this city.
Nonpartisan my ass. None of those six e-cards went with my submission, which was "Think of all the money you just saved on clothes, food and college tuition." When someone has a living being sucked out of them, you need them to focus on the positive.
Oh I sense future government intervention on this one forcing Big Greeting Card to sell something for this kind of occasion. What do you want Hallmark to do -- have these cards on the rack next to the "newborn," or "baby's first birthday" offerings?
1:30 p.m.
• So San Fran's tops for pets. I'm sure there's a gerbil/hamster joke to be made here, but I'm above such juvenile tomfoolery.
Seattle and Portland I understand, but DC?! I guess they only shoot humans, not pets. Actually, the amount of respect I have for Washington has just increased.
On Sunday night, I was in Modesto, Ref'ing for a promotion called N.A.W. or NAW if you say it as a sound, for the first time. Anyways, I got to Ref 3 matches.
Match 1: Mark Vega vs Kenny K vs Kassy Summers in a triple threat match to find out who will be interim champion for Chupacabra's NAW Light weight title.
Match 2: Was Jason Vega vs Sheik Kahn Abodi
and Match 3: was a hardcore match with Pogo and Rage vs The Body Snatchers
Match 1 and 2 went well. Match 2 ended kinda intresting. Jason Vega is a member of the Stepfamily, the Stepfamily consists of Jason Vega, Stepfather, Kiara Dillon (my roommate)....and Otis the Gimp, and when I say Otis the Gimp...if you have ever seen Pulp Fiction...yeah like that...except worse...OTIS IS LOOSE!
So the 2nd match ends with Sheik Kahn Abodi picking up the win over Jason Vega after hitting a Asai backwards ddt...well after I make the 3 count, the step family all come into the ring and I'm trying to back them off Sheik...but Otis see's me...then starts stalking me. Otis grabs me by the back of the head....and gives me a GIANT MAN KISS!!!!!!!!! I need hot water and I need it fast, so after what seemed for 5 minutes, Otis the Gimp lets me go and I quickly crawl the FUCK out of the ring and run to the back to find the nearest sink and lots of soap.....I forgot how horrible soap tatses but damnit it tasted better than Otis The Gimp's kiss.
After 30 minutes of washing my mouth, my next and final match of the night was next. This was the hardcore match between Pogo and Rage vs the Body Snatchers...and of course this match was insane. Pogo, Rage, and the Body snatchers used a lot of dangerous weapons. They used a chain, a singapore cane(kendo stick), a staple gun..and a knife...but that wasn't it..no no my friends...something else came into play..something I didn't see coming a mile away.
At one point during the match, Pogo and both Bodysnatchers and myself were all outside the ring. I was trying to get those 3 back into the ring and restore some order when it dawned on me that Rage wasn't anywhere near us. I looked back into the ring and there stood Rage...pouring out a bag full of THUMBTACKS INTO THE RING! Yes Rage had now brough a whole hell of a lot of thumbtacks into the ring. A few minutes after Rage poured the bag of thumbtacks into the ring, both Bodysnatchers isolated Rage in the ring and was able to pin him after they hit Rage with a singapore cane shot to the head. While the bodysnatchers were getting out of the ring, for somet stupid reason, I stayed in the ring..and that was my mistake.
Pogo had came back into the ring and as soon as he got in the ring, he quickly came over to me and kicked me in the stomach. The next thing I knew I draped over on Pogo's shoulder looking at the crowd and the ring filled full of thumbtacks. Pogo with me on his shoulder, backed towards a corner, ran to the middle of the ring and powerslammed me to the ring......right in the middle of the pile of thumbtacks....IT HURT LIKE HELL. I was laying there, rolling around screaming in pain, and when I thought things couldn't possibly worse...I felt someone else start to pick me back up. I took a quick glance to my side and there was Pogo....and I then realized that Rage was picking me up...and I knew it wasn't going to be good.
Rage stuck my head inbetwen his knees, he then flipped me up onto his shoulders and powerbombed me back onto the thumbtack filled ring....I don't remember what happen afterwards. I just remember opening my eyes and seeing Sir Samuari to my left and Referee Brandon (other Ref working the show) to my right with my arms draped over them, and both of them dragging me back to the locker room. I also saw that I had a thumbtack stuck in my left hand.
I got back to the locker room, and I laid down on my stomach until I got my barrings back. After a few minutes, I slowly stood up and looked myself over in the mirror. Surprisingly I didn't have any tumbtacks in my back or my legs, or my neck. I had the one in my hand, that I forgot about for a second and pulled it out. Pulling it out didn't feel that great either. I went to the bathroom and washed all the blood of my hands and went back and laid down.
After a little bit, I came out of the locker room and got myself a drink. Like I said earlier, the show was happening in a bar. I was walking very slowly as my back still hurt like hell from landing in that pile of thumbtacks...twice. I got a screwdriver and headed back to the locker room so I could drink it in piece but on the way back...a lot of fans and wrestlers asked if I was ok. I told them I would be and continued my slow walk back to the locker room so i could drink my screwdriver.
After finishing my screwdriver, I slowly walked back to the bar to return my glass. When I got to the bar, there was a small group of people there, 2 guys and 2 girls...I'm guessing they were all in relationships with each other espically since one of the girls was pregnaught, they asked me if I was ok and I told them I would be and we ended up talking for a few minutes. During that few minutes, the pregnaught girl asked me if she could have my Referee shirt. I gave her a puzzled look and asked "huh?", and she said she would like to have my Ref shirt. I thought about it for a second and reminded her it had blood on it but she didn't care. So being the nice guy that I am, I slowly walked back to the locker room, went to my bag, grabbed my Ref shirt and slowly walked back to the bar and gave the girl my Referee shirt and she was really happy and she thanked me. After I gave her my shirt, I slowly walked back to the locker room feeling a whole lot better mentally.
After the main event, I stuck around for a bit longer and talked a little more with the fans who were there and then said my good byes and went home. Even though I got a running powerslam and powerbombed into a giant pile of thumbtacks I still had a lot of fun and the fans asking me if I was ok, was a great icing on the cake for the night. Espically with the girl asking me if she could have my Ref shirt. I thought that was pretty cool as well. All and all I really enjoyed working for N.A.W. and I can't wait to work for them again in June.
Judas Priest-Turbo
14.) Judas Priest-Turbo
Priest try 80's pop metal. As you'd expect, it goes wrong. "Turbo Lover" is pretty embarrising (and their gayest song ever-yes, even gayer than "Ram it Down"), and the album ends up sounding like Poison recording a Judas Priest tribute album instead of a Judas Priest album. It's also another album trying to keep up with then modern trends (in this case, pop metal) and sounds incredibly dated, from the synth guitar to corny attempts at anthems.
13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III
Remember when Gary Cherone from Extreme was the frontman for Van Halen? If you do, then I'm sorry that I had to bring that up. Everything from the generic 90's album cover, poor attempts at political commentary (Yeah Eddie, you stick it to the man!), songs that sound too much like redo's of past Van Halen songs, a bland rhythm section, and worst of all, generic guitar riffs from Eddie-yes, you read that right-is horrible. This was also the last studio album from Van Halen, and not the best way to go.
12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live
In spite what some will tell you, Songs of Faith and Devotion is a pretty good album. It's not their best one, and there are a few clunkers ("Get Right With Me" and "One Caress"), but it's still good. The follow up release six months later, is basically a live version of that album. It's a pretty bad album, with Dave Gahan sounding ragged and uninterested, to the failed attempts at giving the songs some extra muscle, to the bland live instrumentation, the whole album is a clunker. At least they followed it up with Ultra, which is their most underrated album. This is still pretty bad, and the worst album they rever recorded.
9:30 p.m.
Time for another pic of the kids.
For those that remember the picture of Max trying to pal up with Dessa on the bed, this one was taken a bit more recently. As you can clearly see by the look on her face, Dessa has really warmed up to Max in the 2+ years we've had him. It's quite amusing to watch all three of them fight over domain of the recliner.
12:15 p.m.
• Wow, even four out of the five Communists on the High Court agreed with the more conservative judges on this one.
Awww, poor baby. Hey Harris. Fuck you. I hope you remember what a dumbfuck you were every time your diaper needs to be changed.
I’ve heard the complaints from those that say these things put the public in danger, and if someone lost a family or friend because some shithead was going 80 mph in a residential area in an attempt to get away from the po-pos because he has a warrant out for his arrest, then I feel your pain. However, instead of taking it out on the cops, how about taking it out on the, oh, I don’t know, CRIMINALS? I’ve advocated for years that people who engage the cops on high-speed car chases should have an attempted murder count charged against them for every motorist they pass by.
• So I heard on the radio that the Warriors are up three games to one on the Mavericks. Now that's funny.
84 teams have jumped out to 3-0 leads in a best-of-seven. Of those teams, none have ever lost the series, and:
51 have gone on to complete the sweep.
1959 Boston Celtics over Minneapolis Lakers, NBA Finals
1968 Los Angeles Lakers over San Francisco Warriors, West Finals
1969 New York Knicks over Baltimore Bullets, East Semis
1970 Los Angeles Lakers over Atlanta Hawks, West Finals
1971 Milwaukee Bucks over Baltimore Bullets, NBA Finals
1972 Los Angeles Lakers over Chicago Bulls, West Semis
1974 Milwaukee Bucks over Chicago Bulls, West Finals
1975 Golden State Warriors over Washington Bullets, NBA Finals
1977 Portland Trail Blazers over Los Angeles Lakers, West Finals
1978 Philadelphia 76ers over New York Knicks, East Semis
1980 Boston Celtics over Houston Rockets, East Semis
1981 Boston Celtics over Chicago Bulls, East Semis
1982 Los Angeles Lakers over Phoenix Suns, West Semis
1982 Los Angeles Lakers over San Antonio Spurs, West Finals
1983 Philadelphia 76ers over New York Knicks, East Semis
1983 Milwaukee Bucks over Boston Celtics, East Semis
1983 Philadelphia 76ers over Los Angeles Lakers, NBA Finals
1985 Philadelphia 76ers over Milwaukee Bucks, East Semis
1986 Boston Celtics over Milwaukee Bucks, East Finals
1987 Los Angeles Lakers over Seattle SuperSonics, West Finals
1989 Detroit Pistons over Milwaukee Bucks, East Semis
1989 Los Angeles Lakers over Seattle SuperSonics, West Semis
1989 Los Angeles Lakers over Phoenix Suns, West Finals
1989 Detroit Pistons over Los Angeles Lakers, NBA Finals
1991 Chicago Bulls over Detroit Pistons, East Finals
1993 Chicago Bulls over Cleveland Cavaliers, East Semis
1995 Houston Rockets over Orlando Magic, NBA Finals
1996 Seattle SuperSonics over Houston Rockets, West Semis
1996 Chicago Bulls over Orlando Magic, East Finals
1998 Utah Jazz over Los Angeles Lakers, West Finals
1999 San Antonio Spurs over Los Angeles Lakers, West Semis
1999 Indiana Pacers over Philadelphia 76ers, East Semis
1999 New York Knicks over Atlanta Hawks, East Semis
1999 San Antonio Spurs over Portland Trail Blazers, West Finals
2001 Los Angeles Lakers over Sacramento Kings, West Semis
2001 Los Angeles Lakers over San Antonio Spurs, West Finals
2002 Los Angeles Lakers over New Jersey Nets, NBA Finals
2003 New Jersey Nets over Boston Celtics, East Semis
2003 New Jersey Nets over Detroit Pistons, East Finals
2004 Indiana Pacers over Boston Celtics, East 1st Round
2004 New Jersey Nets over New York Knicks, East 1st Round
2004 San Antonio Spurs over Memphis Grizzlies, West 1st Round
2005 Miami Heat over New Jersey Nets, East 1st Round
2005 Phoenix Suns over Memphis Grizzlies, West 1st Round
2005 Miami Heat over Washington Wizards, East Semis
2006 Dallas Mavericks over Memphis Grizzlies, West 1st Round
2007 Detroit Pistons over Orlando Magic, East 1st Round
2007 Chicago Bulls over Miami Heat, East 1st Round
2007 Cleveland Cavaliers over Washington Wizards, East 1st Round
2007 San Antonio Spurs over Cleveland Cavaliers, NBA Finals
2008 Los Angeles Lakers over Denver Nuggets, West 1st Round
24 teams were able to pull off one win before being finished off.
1947 Philadelphia Warriors over Chicago Stags, NBA Finals
1958 Boston Celtics over Philadelphia Warriors, East Finals
1964 Boston Celtics over Cincinnati Royals, East Finals
1967 Philadelphia 76ers over Boston Celtics, East Finals
1969 Boston Celtics over Philadelphia 76ers, East Semis
1970 Atlanta Hawks over Chicago Bulls, West Semis
1971 Milwaukee Bucks over San Francisco Warriors, West Semis
1973 New York Knicks over Baltimore Bullets, East Finals
1973 Los Angeles Lakers over Golden State Warriors, West Finals
1980 Los Angeles Lakers over Phoenix Suns, West Semis
1983 Los Angeles Lakers over Portland Trail Blazers, West Semis
1983 San Antonio Spurs over Denver Nuggets, West Semis
1984 Boston Celtics over Milwaukee Bucks, East Finals
1985 Los Angeles Lakers over Portland Trail Blazers, West Semis
1985 Boston Celtics over Philadelphia 76ers, East Finals
1986 Boston Celtics over Atlanta Hawks, East Semis
1987 Los Angeles Lakers over Golden State Warriors, West Semis
1996 Orlando Magic over Atlanta Hawks, East Semis
1997 Chicago Bulls over Miami Heat, East Finals
2000 Los Angeles Lakers over Phoenix Suns, West Semis
2000 Portland Trail Blazers over Utah Jazz, West Semis
2001 San Antonio Spurs over Dallas Mavericks, West Semis
2005 San Antonio Spurs over Phoenix Suns, West Finals
2008 San Antonio Spurs over Phoenix Suns, West 1st Round
6 teams won twice before getting eliminated.
1947 Chicago Stags over Washington Capitols, Semifinals
1949 Minneapolis Lakers over Washington Capitols, NBA Finals
1962 Los Angeles Lakers over Detroit Pistons, West Finals
1996 Chicago Bulls over Seattle SuperSonics, NBA Finals
2000 Indiana Pacers over Philadelphia 76ers, East Semis
2007 Detroit Pistons over Chicago Bulls, East Semis
3 teams were able to come back and force a Game 7, but couldn't get that last one.
1951 Rochester Royals over New York Knicks, NBA Finals
1994 Utah Jazz over Denver Nuggets, West Semis
2003 Dallas Mavericks over Portland Trail Blazers, West 1st Round
I'll try to post some more tommorrow. It's getting late.
No game today, but I wanted to post some quick thoughts regarding Josh Hancock. Hancock died early this morning in an automobile accident. Besides his Major League career, Hancock spent most of 2003-04 pitching for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons. Hancock came over in the Jeremy Giambi deal and while he looked like a decent pitching prospect, but the Phils dealt him for Todd Jones late in the '04 campaign. I would like to say I remember Josh Hancock on the mound, and while I believe I did, I can not honestly say I vividly remember it. My friend who worked for the Barons probably has more memories of Hancock, and I'm looking forward to talking to him about it. It's a shame when any pitcher dies young, especially when he came up through your area.
I posted an article at TSM about Hancock, which included a quote from former teammate Jim Rushford. One thing I neglected to mention in my last entry. Before the game one Ottawa player stepped up the dugout steps to sign a few autographs. I didn't need to consult a scorecard to know who it was. Rushford was and still is a player who seemingly takes time before every game to sign autographs. I am talking about every single game. I have never seen a player take more time for the fans than Rushford. Though his exploits on the field may not carry much acclaim, he deserves mention as one of the game's good guys.
9:45 p.m.
• I just turned off the Nets/Raptors game. New Jersey is up by THIRTY POINTS?! I'm sure there's a "that's only 12 points after the Canadian exchange rate" joke to be made, but damn. I guess Toronto didn't want to play past April.
4:29 p.m.
• So I just spent the afternoon playing f’n Bingo with the better half at her church. The mother in-law was going to attend but couldn’t due to visitation with her granddaughter, so guess who was the lucky duck that got to take her place? Yep. Out of approximately 100 people in attendance looking for B-15s and O-72s, there were only three males in attendance, and I was one of them. In addition, I’m quite certain there was only one person there younger than me and Mrs. kkk. Boy do old people love their Bingo. Not only Bingo, but all the little gambling games that take place at one of these events: raffles, scratch-off games, SUPER SPECIAL BINGO CARDS for when games like “Crazy T” and “Fill the Card” are needed when the usual Bingo games aren’t enough to satisfy your fix. When I came into this place there was a poster showing all the ways to win at the regular Bingo games. You had the five across, down and diagonal. OK. Then there was “postage stamp,” where you had to get the top four numbers on upper right-hand side of your card. Big star, little star, four outer corner, four inner corners. Christ, how am I supposed to remember all this shit? And one of the house rules was that you had to call Bingo before the next number was called or else it’s null and void. Then you had the old ladies sitting around you going, “What did he say?” after every other number was called. No wonder telemarketers go after these easy targets.
After leaving winless we headed over to the local gas station to get mulch. I mention this because last year the better half was doing some landscaping around the house, and she told me to go and get a dozen or so bags of mulch. I asked what kind she wanted. Her response: “Get whatever.” So I did. I got this black mulch. I guess “whatever” means “anything other than black.” When I brought these bags home the following conversation took place.
Her: “What’s this?”
Me: “Mulch.”
Her: “It’s black.”
Me: “And?”
Her: “Well I didn’t want black.”
Me: “You said ‘get whatever.’”
Her: “But we don’t use black mulch.”
Me: “We do now.”
A funny thing happened when we used this black mulch. It actually turned out pretty darn good. So good in fact, that the mother in-law used the same color that year for her flowerbed. When we went out to get mulch today, the better half complained because the mulch available at the gas station was either in red or brown color. Because of this she dropped me off at home and headed to Home Depot to buy mulch that’s 83 cents more expensive per bag than the Quickie Mart mulch. But guess what color mulch Mrs. kkk is paying more money to get? Yep.
I've played ESPN's Draft Forecast game for a few years. In this game, you predict the first 15 draft picks. I usually do very well. In 2005, I was 141st out of 46,000 people. But, only 1st place wins the prize:
Grand Prize: 2007 HUMMER H3 and a Trip for Two (winner plus one guest) to the ESPN Studios in Bristol, CT.
Trip includes a VIP Experience in Bristol CT for winner and (1) guest consisting of round trip coach air transportation from major U.S. gateway airport nearest winner's primary residence in the U.S., 3-night standard double occupancy hotel accommodations, ground transfers to/from the airport.
Approximate ARV: $38,000.
So, let's go over my entry this year. I decided not to project any trades, because afterward I probably would wonder what I was thinking.
1. Oakland - JaMarcus Russell. It was reported that they would take him.
2. Detroit - Calvin Johnson. It didn't matter whether they traded the pick, because CJ would be #2. Some people had Adams here.
3. Cleveland - Joe Thomas. This one ruined many people. Quinn seemed like the pick until Friday. Peterson was also possible.
4. Tampa Bay - Gaines Adams. There really was no other choice here.
5. Arizona - Levi Brown. Since they didn't have to think about Thomas, it was pretty obvious they would take Brown.
6. Washington - LaRon Landry. I knew he was their top choice, but I was worried they might trade down.
7. Minnesota - Adrian Peterson. They wanted Landry, but they were happy to take Peterson.
8. Atlanta - Jamaal Anderson. I was extremely worried about this pick, but I had info that with Landry and Brown gone, they would take him.
9. Miami - Brady Quinn. Total stunner here when they took Ginn. But I figured it wouldn't disrupt the rest of my picks too much.
10. Houston - Amobi Okoye. I was worried here too, because I had very little Texans info, and they were talking trade with Denver. I had to go with what made sense. Revis was possible.
11. San Francisco - Patrick Willis. Easy pick here. Only worry was that Denver would trade to 10 for him, and then SF would take Carriker.
12. Buffalo - Paul Posluszny. A reach that I thought they'd do. They traded up 9 spots in round 2 to get him, showing that the info was right. It was 50/50 between him and Lynch. I figured they'd be happy with a guy like Kenny Irons in round 2.
13. St. Louis - Adam Carriker. Didn't consider anyone else, based on how the picks beforehand went.
14. Carolina - Brandon Meriweather. Another unorthodox choice. The info was that the second safety on their board (after Landry) wasn't Reggie Nelson. The trade to the Jets probably helped me.
15. Pittsburgh - Lawrence Timmons. I made this change just before the draft. I knew right before the pick that I would win if they picked Timmons and lose if they didn't. When I heard Goodell begin to say 'Lawr...', I went crazy.
And the final results came. I won. Team 'never kissed a girl.' 12 out of 15 picks exactly right makes me better than 34,000 other people. I called both of my parents and told them. I had some vacation plans, but I'm canceling them for this Bristol trip. Don't know when it will be, though. Don't know whom I'll take with me on the trip, either.
Bonus: Here is the transcript of my conversation with my boy Tercer throughout the draft.
[Russell pick]
<Tercer> enjoy this moment, russell, this will be your best moment as an NFL qb
<Arc-> 32 points.
<Tercer> yea, i'm perfect so far
<Arc-> a few people in our group aren't ;p
<Tercer> at least they both had CJ #1 and not someone else
<Arc-> there's another page
[Johnson]
<Arc-> cleveland should take adams to muck up the trade
<Arc-> and make tb give them extra picks for him
<Tercer> yea, that would be smart of cleveland (not)
<Arc-> only 26 perfect teams already
<Arc-> #3 pick will separate things
<Tercer> yup
<Tercer> i went on a limb at AD, but how can you turn down a phenomenal RB talent...
<Tercer> check out quinn's g/f.. i think i see dollar signs in her eyes
<Arc-> will she leave him after he gets 9th pick money
<Arc-> am i the only one in our group who has joe thomas here
<Tercer> that would be hilarious if she was next to Joe Thomas if he goes here
[Thomas]
<Tercer> whoops
<Arc->
<Arc-> only one other guy had it
<Arc-> and he has quinn going next
<Tercer> sounds like you're large and in charge
<Arc-> for the moment
<Arc-> could easily fall apart later
<Tercer> they seriously need to make picks last 10 mins
<Arc-> man why is sal talking quinn ;(
<Arc-> i concur
<Tercer> i think TB should take Quinn and create some real QB controversy
<Tercer> its looking like Det will hang onto CJ
<Arc-> they got a million qbs
<Tercer> it was a joke
<Arc-> hehe
<Arc-> don't you think they pull a manning/rivers here
<Tercer> it's very possible... hard to say because we're talking matt millen here
<Arc-> haha
<Tercer> i think det should do it cuz they need picks and they have some reasonable WR talent... they should flip flop 2/4 AND get TB's two 2nd rounders tho
<Arc-> yes
<Tercer> it's leigh steinberg who claims sometimes he has his players fake a phone call to try to get teams to draft them.. do teams really have the espn cast on while they're making their decision?
<Arc-> well they probably have a tv on in their war rooms
[Adams]
<Arc-> look who's the sole #1
<Tercer> is it lonely at the top?
<Arc-> yes
<Arc-> wish i had an asian girl with me
<Tercer>
<Arc-> hope the cards don't screw me by taking peterson or okoye
<Tercer> you're fine w/ levi brown.... he really moved up the charts and works well at RT... unless they trade :]
<Tercer> they list david carr as a key loss for HOU... i disagree
[brown]
<Tercer> man, i should've stuck w/ my first instincts
<Tercer> i'm gittin killed!!
<Arc-> hehe
<Arc-> i'm not so confident about the rest though
<Tercer> man, this is gettin' interesting for the texans, b/c AD has an EXCELLENT chance of falling and the fans will roast the team if they pass him up
<Arc-> skins might go anderson or trade
<Arc-> falcons will take peterson if vikes don't, i believe
<Tercer> no way
<Arc-> they would make him the featured back and use norwood like bush
<Tercer> will minn take quinn?
<Arc-> don't think so.
<Arc-> hope the skins take landry instead of okoye/anderson
<Tercer> i foresee a trade
<Tercer> not sure where or who
<Arc-> someone who wants peterson
<Tercer> quinn's g/f is looking pissed.. she just went from a mercedes to a bmw
<Tercer> quinn's sister should be there in support wearing a half vikings/half dolphins jersey
<Arc-> landry looks happy
<Tercer> it could be a game
<Tercer> Wash should be going for DL help.... they have a good backfield
[Landry]
<Arc-> the streak continues
<Tercer> please continue to fall, fall, fall AD
<Arc-> i think he goes to us
<Tercer> aww naww
<Tercer> take greg olsen instead
<Arc-> haha
<Arc-> i hope atl takes anderson ;o
<Tercer> okoye is starting to fall
<Arc-> only slightly
<Tercer> Leon Hall
[Peterson]
<Tercer> durn
<Tercer> that's a steal for the vikes
<Arc-> i like it.
<Arc-> falcons might ruin me here ;(
<Tercer> yea, you need to run as much as possible to keep your secondary off the field
<Arc-> but i heard if landry and brown were gone the falcons would take anderson
<Tercer> it'll be one of: leon hall, okoye, anderson
<Arc-> haven't they drafted enough CBs lately
<Tercer> i think you're guaranteed to win this bracket... everyone is gonna get screwy on the latter half
<Tercer> you can never have enough CBs
<Arc-> well i think picks 9, 11, 13 are right
<Tercer> it's looking like the den/hou trade should go down
<Arc-> man i hope not
<Arc-> although i heard they like okoye too
<Arc-> but they would trade for willis probably
<Tercer> den wants okoye or willis
<Arc-> quinn's girl looks like ashley tisdale 15 years from now
<Tercer> that's just sick, mayne
[Anderson]
<Tercer>
<Arc-> YES.
<Tercer> and okoye continues to spiral down down down
<Arc-> your texans will ruin my draft probably
<Arc-> come on, take him
<Tercer> will mia just get on w/ it and take brady quinn
[Ginn]
<Tercer> WHAT
<Tercer> as his g/f quietly slinks away ;0
<Arc-> that was my reaction
<Arc-> TED GINN?????????????????????????????
<Arc-> how far does he fall
<Arc-> surprise of the millennium
<Tercer> please please please trade the pick away !!
<Arc-> take okoye
<Arc-> ted ginn.
<Arc-> what the heck.
<Arc-> this is madness!
<Tercer> that's an expensive price tag to take a KR/PR @ 9
<Tercer> [12:32] <Arc-> well i think picks 9, 11, 13 are right
<Tercer> Not so fast!
<Arc-> never on earth would have put ginn there
<Tercer> maybe quinn'll join his bro-in-law in GB
<Arc-> looking forward to picks 12 and 14
<Arc-> hoping they payoff
<Arc-> quinn to kc i think
<Tercer> @ 23?
<Tercer> i think someone moves up 1st
<Tercer> i'm hearing all okoye for the texans, so you can sigh
<Tercer> hou/buffalo working on a trade
[Okoye]
<Tercer> nuts
<Arc-> nice pick.
<Arc-> HOW COULD THE DOLPHINS DO THAT TO ME.
<Tercer> bleck.... they should've gotten that 2nd rounder back
<Arc-> yes kc 23 because who would move up
<Arc-> sh*t i'm ranked #2 overall
<Tercer> 'grats
<Arc-> 2nd place gets the same prize as 50,000th
<Arc-> hope those posluszny and meriweather picks work out
<Tercer>
<Tercer> are you 2nd guessing your tiebreakers
<Tercer> man, the CBs are falling
<Arc-> no i think the tiebreakers are fine because it's CB and S
<Arc-> and there should be 4 safeties and 4 or 5 CBs
[Willis]
<Arc-> i'm #1 overall now
<Arc-> at least tied
<Arc-> don't know where the leaderboard is
<Arc-> but it says 1
<Arc-> if these picks are right i have to win
<Tercer> http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/leaderboard
<Tercer> T4
[Lynch]
<Arc-> sh*t i had lynch and switched
<Arc-> ooh the other guys missed too
<Arc-> f*ck i could have won it there though
<Tercer>
<Arc-> thought they'd wait until r2 for rb
<Tercer> i got it right, i think i'm making a comeback
<Arc-> gonna come down to 14 and 15
<Tercer> man, the CBs keep on dropping
<Tercer> i actually think leon hall will be a bust, so it's good that he's being passed on
<Tercer> maybe revis goes first
<Arc-> i had revis at pitt
<Arc-> but wussed out.
<Arc-> gotta be carriker here
<Arc-> then if it's meriweather i gotta win
<Arc-> sh*t some people moved up
<Arc-> ugh. i should have stayed with lynch.
<Arc-> a $38000 mistake.
<Tercer> that's before taxes, if it makes you feel any better
<Tercer> carriker or leon hall?
<Tercer> do you think quinn is crying in the green room?
<Arc-> yes he is.
<Arc-> he expected a $50m contract
[Carriker]
<Tercer> looks like the last 2 will make or break you
<Arc-> yep
<Arc-> didn't pick meriweather on a whim
<Arc-> had some info
<Tercer> brady quinn was smart to not come out last year where he would have gone in the 20s so that he could come out this year and go in the 20s... but at least inflation is working for him!
<Arc-> haha
<Arc-> wouldn't mind quinn here if timmons goes 15
<Arc-> if it results in the W
<Arc-> waiting for the carriker numbers to run
<Tercer> does car go with quinn even tho they have delhomme & carr?? i think they pass
<Arc-> likely a pass but they might say f them
<Arc-> come on meriweather.
<Tercer> trade, you're f-ed
<Tercer> NYJ
<Tercer> take quinn
<Arc-> ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffck
<Arc-> might have a chance if timmons goes 15
<Tercer> or leon hall?
<Tercer> possibly revis
<Arc-> a cb.
<Arc-> i think the jets like revis
<Arc-> waiting for carriker points still
<Tercer> the jets traded 4 for 1? did i hear that right
<Tercer> n/m, i heard it wrong
<Tercer> 1&6 for 1,2&5 not that bad
<Arc-> if it's timmons 15 i win
<Arc-> i think
<Tercer> are you praying not for revis
<Arc-> sh*t
<Arc-> if it's olsen i might not win
<Arc-> doesn't matter which corner
<Tercer> i meant revis at 15
<Arc-> 15 has to be timmons i think
<Arc-> or i lose
<Arc-> no one has either corner going here
<Arc-> one guy gets 16 if it's hall
<Arc-> but doesn't matter if i get 32 for timmons
<Tercer> if you win the hummer, will you trade it for a MINI
<Arc-> i'll probably sell it
<Arc-> but i get a trip to bristol too
<Tercer> will you be the next nightly analyst
<Tercer> you should write your own ESPN commercial and bring it with you
<Arc-> hehe
[Revis]
<Arc-> ok i think i'm safe
<Arc-> that also takes away a potential pitt pick
<Arc-> hey you're #2 in vatech
<Tercer> im 2277 overall
<Arc-> numbers still haven't run
<Tercer> i noticed the name change after you have a chance to win ;0
<Arc-> ok they ran them
<Tercer> so is it timmons or bust for you
<Arc-> yep
<Arc-> no one else has him
<Tercer> better hope hall isn't the pick, or no trade
<Arc-> don't care who it is if it isn't timmons
<Arc-> can't describe my feelings at the moment
[Timmons]
<Tercer> no way
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Arc-> I F*CKING WON
<Tercer> Arc- just won a Hummer
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> $38000!
<Arc-> TRIP
<Arc-> VACATIOn
<Arc-> HOLY SH*T
<Arc-> HOLY F*CK
<Arc-> HOLY F*CK
<Arc-> going to run the f*ck around
<Arc-> HOLY SH*T
3:30 p.m.
• I had a weird dream last night. I don’t remember much of it, but I ended up sitting at a table at my college making change for people. These two college guys walked up and one gave me a $50 bill and said he wanted a bunch of $1s. I started counting from my stash, and when I was around the $30ish dollar mark the guy who didn’t give me the $50 suddenly took the $50 bill and walked away. I was just about to give the other guy his change and then a voice sounding like mine said to me in the dream, “Hey dipshit, they’re ripping you off!” The voice said, “Wake up, idiot!” I did. I’ve done this before whenever I didn’t like how a dream was going for me; I just say in the dream, “OK, I’ve had enough. Wake up.” Good thing I haven’t yet done this get-out-of-dream-now stunt while making (depending on my mood) either Eliza Dusku, Rose McGowan or Jennifer Love Hewitt’s eyes roll to the back of their head.
• Even though I have no idea who any of these college football players are, I’ve been watching this year’s NFL draft since noon. LOL at Brady Quinn. Then again, if he gets drafted to a good team, I’d say that’s worth the few million extra he would have made had he gone in the top five spots. Here’s another thing. Shut the hell up Steve Young. OMG, the Packers aren’t getting Bret Favre any help. The guy’s in his 17th year – I hope for Green Bay’s sake they aren’t making picks with the mindset of, “Gee, I hope Brett approves of this.” Instead the Packers took some defensive tackle from Tennessee. Is this guy any good? I have no idea. But it’s funny as hell watching Chris Mortensen beat down Young when talking about who should the Packers draft in the first round.
After a dismal start the Phillies' season turned around nicely. As of this writing, the Phils actually own a better record than the New York Yankees. When I mentioned this to a spectator last night, another spectator took the opportunity to note the Phillies had just one World championship. I don't like to get into pissing matches about my team. First off, I'll lose. Second, I don't think a franchise's success is integral to enjoying the game of baseball. When you go to a Yankee game, do you see a bunch of fans smiling despite the losing streak saying, "aww shucks it's ok, we've won so many already." The point is that sustained winning does not seem to buy happiness. What it will get you a larger fanbase, which in my case just makes it more difficult to get good seats for games.
Thursday's game took me to Scranton to watch the AAA Yankees play the Ottawa Lynx, the temporary home of the AAA Phillies. Except for RF Ron Calloway and SP Zach Segovia, every player on the Lynx played for the Red Barons last season. Red Barons' paraphernalia was abundant in the stands, but enthusiasm for the visiting team was muted. The Yankees defeated the Lynx 3-1, the difference coming on Shelly Duncan's two-run home run in the first inning. Zach Segovia pitched deep into counts but induced outs. Segovia only struck out one batter but pitched a quality start, allowing three runs in seven innings. Matt Desalvo out pitched him, giving the Yankees six shutout innings. T.J. Beam finally looked like a relief prospect, striking out the side in the eighth inning.
Before the games the team shows a video package promoting the team, showing the December press-conference unveiling the logo and assorted quotes and such. One dignitary noted the SWB Yankees could be the biggest thing in minor league baseball this season. When they said that, they obviously had an eye on the bullpen. The Yankees' bullpen includes Ben Kozlowski (6'6", 220), T.J. Beam (6'7", 215), Ron Villone (6'3", 245), and Colter Bean (6'6", 255). Earlier in the game a fan asked Segovia if he had eaten their children, referencing his weight. Segovia is slightly overweight. Chris Britton is a 280 lb. monster. No wonder the Orioles traded him with conditioning issues on their mind.
17.) DJ Shadow-The Outsider
I love DJ Shadow. The albums Endtroducing and The Private Press pretty much define instrumentqal Hip-Hop. When I heard he was going to experiment with Hyphy and other styles, I was willing to give him the shadow (no pun intended) of a doubt. The end result is an absolute disaster, and the worst album that was released last year. Complete with bad U2 and Coldplay immitations, now played out attempts at sample-ridden instrumentals, and well, even fucking Q-Tip can't save it.
16.) Black Sabbath-Never Say Die!
The last Sabbath studio album with Ozzy, Never Say Die! should have been called Pull The Plug. Full of bloated attempts at Prog-Rock , a generally disjointed feeling, a song ("Breakout") with saxaphone that goes nowhere, and Ozzy and the band sound unentusiastic. In other words, you can tell they don't want to be around one another.
15.) Black Sabbath-Forbidden
The last Black Sabbath studio album, this is their worst. It features Ernie C (of Body Count fame), it features a duet with Ice-T (I'm not making this up), bad attempts at Power Metal, one of the worst Metal Ballads ever recorded ("Can't Get Close Enough"), and even sees Tony Iommi recycling a riff from one of his own songs. The album itself should be "Forbidden." LOL GET IT!?!? Ok, i'll shut up now.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 28: Gert T
Along with being kkk Bowl I champ, Gert T shares a common bond with me and hawk34/choken/whoever. Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about. This is not a good thing. Then again, there’s something special about many of the experiences I had in this little southwestern Ohio city, such as this one.
It was an early summer evening and I had some of my cats out on their leashes exploring the front yard. Yes, they had leashes (I still have them, although they haven’t been used in years). Anyway, this black lady is walking down the street and the following conversation takes place.
Her: “You got any cigarettes?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any alcohol?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any weed?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You no fun.”
Me: *Reels in cats before she tries to sell them for crack.*
She walked down the block and stopped to talk to these two black guys who pulled up next to her in their hooptie. Oh Middletown. What was I talking about again?
3 p.m.
• OK, so I work on the first floor of a three-floor building. A while back the owners of this building (their business is on the second floor) decided to remodel the first-floor bathrooms. It was ladies first, and for several weeks (Or was it more than a month? Who knows, who cares.) all the bitches on my floor had to walk up a floor in order to pinch a load. Trust me, if I were a chick I’d rather walk up and down a flight of stairs to pee than do my business in this men’s room. I always hold my breath when going in this room to pee due to the funk some of my floormates emanate while reading the newspaper when on the shitter. Well, now it’s the guy’s turn to be without a floor potty. Now I’m a man of rules. I recently scolded LessoninMachismo via PM for breaking the express lane’s 20 items or less code of conduct. I punch myself in the shoulder when I forget to put on my turn signal when changing lanes on a somewhat busy multi-lane road. But so far this week I’ve crept into the ladies room in the early morning whenever I have to go number one after drinking my two daily 8 oz. morning beverage – the two women on this floor don’t get in into after 8 a.m., and my early morning urination takes place well over an hour before any of them arrive. Out of consideration, I’ll sit down to do my business because a man’s penis is like a leaky fire hose. God only knows where the pee will fly once it makes its way out. That's why I like urinals. It's like going against a wall. If there's some side squirting, then chances are the porcelain wall will be able to catch it the wayward pee. Anyway, the last few mornings when I’ve snuck in the women's room I have seen that the toilet bowls had urine caked on them. This means one of two things: 1) the two chicks that use this bathroom have some squirting issues, or 2) the other guys who are too lazy to walk up a set of stairs to urinate spray and don’t clean up. Come on guys, if you’re going to use the ladies room, at least show some considerations for those that have no chance but to squat. And who says I’m not looking out for the ladies? Oh, and this crusty waste also means that this building's cleaning staff does jack shit, but I could have told you that already.
12:15 p.m.
• My workplace DSL is being moody today, so at around 11 a.m. I decided to give Dennis Miller's new radio show a listen instead of my usual morning program. Not bad. Not great. But not bad. This will definitely be playing (for as long as it's on the air) as a second option for my RIGHT-WING RADIO late-morning/early afternoon listening pleasure. I can't remember the last time I listened to Glenn Beck -- please note I'm not complaining about this.
8:15 a.m.
• This got a laugh out of me a few days ago. From Boortz's Web site
I've been lazy with this blog for a few months now so no surprise I'm only getting around to second Draftback before the draft. Decided might as well do one from 10 years ago with the 1997 Draft and it is interesting to look at because one first rounder is in jail and another is dead. Can't beat that combo.
1. St. Louis - Orlando Pace, T, Ohio State
Not always glamerous to pick a lineman with the first pick overall but hard to argue with the Rams choice here. Selected to seven Pro Bowls.
2. Oakland - Darrell Russell, DT, USC
Lived up to the hype his first few years in the league but drug problems would derail his career among various other issues. Out of the league by 2004 and out of this life by 2005 when he was killed in a car accident.
3. Seattle - Shawn Springs, CB, Ohio State
Very good corner all be it a bit inconsistent at times during his career.
4. Baltimore - Peter Boulware, LB, Florida State
Would win Defensive Rookie of the Year and was selected to three Pro Bowls.
5. Detroit - Bryant Westbrook, CB, Texas
Not a total bust but pretty close to one considering he was a Top 5 pick.
6. Seattle - Walter Jones, T, Florida State
A complete bitch when it comes to contracts but he gets the job done. Six Pro Bowl selections.
7. N.Y. Giants - Ike Hilliard, WR, Florida
Okay receiver but when you take a receiver this high you'd hope they'd have at least one 1000 yard season and Hilliard has had none.
8. N.Y. Jets - James Farrior, LB, Virginia
The Jets had the #1 pick but they traded down. Farrior was considered a bit of a dissapointment while with the Jets but excelled with the Steelers.
9. Arizona - Tom Knight, CB, Iowa
It's the Cardinals, so really what did you expect? Three interceptions in his career.
10. New Orleans - Chris Naeole, G, Colorado
Big risk taking a guard this high but Naeole has been a solid player.
11. Atlanta - Michael Booker, CB, Nebraska
Not very good at all.
12. Tampa Bay - Warrick Dunn, RB, Florida State
Has a chance to pass the 10,000 yard mark in rushing this year and one of the true good guys in the NFL.
13. Kansas City - Tony Gonzalez, TE, California
Likley on his way to the Hall of Fame but he went to Cal so fuck him.
14. Cincinnati - Reinard Wilson, DE, Florida State
Well I guess on the plus side Wilson wasn't horrible like most Bengals' 90's first round picks but still not anything to get excited about.
15. Miami - Yatil Green, WR, Miami
Tore his ACL on literally the first day of training camp and never fully recovered. Only played one season in 1999.
16. Tampa Bay - Reidel Anthony, WR, Florida
I thought he'd be awesome. I was wrong.
17. Washington - Kenard Lang, DE, Miami
Average at best.
18. Tennessee - Kenny Holmes, DE, Miami
Another unspectacular Miami end.
19. Indianapolis - Tarik Glenn, T, California
Has developed into a very good tackle and selected to the last three Pro Bowls. But another Cal product, bleh.
20. Minnesota - Dwayne Rudd, LB, Alabama
A complete beast at Alabama...not so much in the NFL. Best known for his helmet tossing incident in 2002 that cost the Browns a game.
21. Jacksonville - Renaldo Wynn, DE, Notre Dame
Mediocre.
22. Dallas - David LaFleur, TE, LSU
LaSucked.
23. Buffalo - Antowain Smith, RB, Houston
Decent although he has to be one of the worst backs ever to have two 1,000 yard seasons.
24. Pittsburgh - Chad Scott, CB, Maryland
Has been a solid DB.
25. Philadelphia - Jon Harris, DE, Virginia
Two years. Two sacks. Bust.
26. San Francisco - Jim Druckenmiller, QB, Virginia Tech
Jesus tap dancing Christ, I had blocked this pick out of my memory. Horrible. Seriously do not know what the fuck they were thinking here especially with Jake Plummer on the board who seemed like a pefect fit for the 49ers offense at the time.
27. Carolina - Rae Carruth, WR, Colorado
Yessss it's everyone's favorite hiring a guy to kill your pregnent girlfriend and get found hiding in the trunk of your car wide receiver. Complete disphit.
28. Denver - Trevor Pryce, DE, Clemson
The string of mediocre ends, um, ends here. Four time Pro Bowl selection.
29. New England - Chris Canty, CB, Kansas State
Lasted four years and no one really noticed.
30. Green Bay - Ross Verba, G, Iowa
I just like the Deadspin entry on him.
Other Players of Note
34. Baltimore - Jamie Sharper, LB, Virginia
36. N.Y. Giants - Tiki Barber, RB, Virginia
42. Arizona - Jake Plummer, QB, Arizona State
43. Cincinnati - Corey Dillon, RB, Washington
44. Miami - Sam Madison, CB, Louisville
52. Buffalo - Marcellus Wiley, DE, Columbia
60. Green Bay - Darren Sharper, S, William & Mary
65. Dallas - Dexter Coakley, LB, Appalachian State
66. Tampa Bay - Ronde Barber, CB, Virginia
69. Chicago - Bob Sapp, G, Washington
71. Philadelphia - Duce Staley, RB, South Carolina
73. Miami - Jason Taylor, DE, Akron
91. Pittsburgh - Mike Vrabel, LB, Ohio State
98. Tennessee - Derrick Mason, WR, Michigan State
108. Chicago - Marcus Robinson, WR, South Carolina
229. N.Y. Jets - Jason Ferguson, DT, Georgia
20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine
It may predate 90's guitar fueled grunge, but still...David Bowie, what were you thinking? Even if it predates it, Tin Machine, Bowies more Hard rock side project, is still half baked, uninspired grunge. The album even has the gall to cover Lennon's "Working Class Hero", and well...damnit Bowie. The project was pretty much hated by everyone, and is best left as a bad memory, though there were two more Tin Machine albums.
19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head
The Talking Heads without David Byrne=no. Really, just no. Featuring a variety of leads singers (including Debbie Harry, Richard Hell, and others), it doesn't sound like the Talking Heads as much as it does a really bad dream. Featuring an embarrising stab at pseudo NIN Industrial rock ("Damage I've Done"), shitty stabs at punk/new wave ("Punk Lolita") and other sad moments. At least it was the only Heads album.
18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica
What does Slayer sound like when they experiment with Hardcore? Not very good. To be fair, their experiments in Hardcore had their moments in the past (Divine Intervention isn't as bad as some say it is), but it still sounds bad, as the whole Hardcore thing had lost its usefulness, and it sounds like a band doing a parody of a Slayer album. The album itself is low on new ideas (They are still talking about Religion, Serial Killers, and War), and musically, lets just say songs like "Overt Enemy", "In The Name of God", and "Perversions of Pain" aren't their best moments.
8:30 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 29: Spaceman Spiff
He likes to talk about the Miami Dolphins, so it’s only appropriate he is this franchise in the kkk Bowl league, of which he’s a longtime member. He’s yet to make a postseason appearance, but he’s in a division where each of his opponents has made it to a kkk Bowl (Gert T in I, Barron in II and nl-asshole in III; oh man was that a dark day – I contemplated folding the league after that one). With all the parity in the NFL these days, perhaps Season V will be his year. I’ll also give Spiff credit for this: Over at the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States and those five red diaper doper babies who said it was OK for the government to take property from private citizen A and give it to private citizen B, all so citizen B can generate more tax revenue for the local government, hence a “greater good” reason for the land-seizing. For Spiff to do this is the equivalent of swimming into the middle of a feeding frenzy and slicing your palms open.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Bloody hell?
When I heard this earlier this morning I figured it was either a misinterpreted joke or Mirabelli is a big-time hater. I hope Gary Thorne comes out of this OK – I used to love listening to him on ESPN announce NHL games.
3 p.m.
• Well I had a fun sight this morning on the way to work. Rather than take the interstate, the better half and I go through this dilapidated shit hole of a community called Wilkinsburg. It’s rather depressing to drive past all these vacant, boarded-up buildings where small businesses used to be. I’m hoping this ghetto plague doesn’t reach my neck of the woods until long after my current residence is sold twice-over. Thankfully, there’s about 10-15 miles between the outer reaches of Shittsburgh and Westmoreland County. Anyway, while driving through Wilkinsburg, I had the misfortune to be driving behind a big rig. Now granted I don’t like driving 20 mph through a predominately black neighborhood when I’m trying to get to work, but what are you going to do? My line in these kinds of situations is, “if I’m in such a big hurry, then I should have left five minutes earlier; that way I’d be in front of this vehicle rather than behind it.” I also had no choice but to mosey behind this truck for a few miles because this vehicle was taking up both lanes going in my direction. As for speeding up in the other two lanes on the other side of the yellow double-striped strip, that was a no-go. First off, I don’t like to do that. Secondly, there was too much traffic to even attempt such a stunt. After a while, this chick in a white car sped up to me in the other lane when I saw the bigrig put on his right turn signal. OK, now time to give him some space as he makes his turn. Of course, this was when the chick in the other lane began to SPEED UP right as the truck was making it’s turn. Another few seconds and she would have went splat right up against whatever this truck was hauling. Thankfully, she had enough space to allow the truck to complete the turn. No, I’m not thankful she didn’t get into an accident because it would have injured this blonde. I’m thankful because my commute would have been even longer considering I would have been a witness. No, I wouldn’t have left the scene, because that guy driving the truck would have needed someone sticking up for him because I can guarantee this chick would have probably tried to pin the accident on him.
8 a.m.
• Why do I agree with the better half every time she insists on having "Taco/Nacho Night" at our house? I know, because every now and then you get the urge to feel like you're going to throw up the morning after and have fire blow out of your hole on the other end.
23.) Kevin Federline-Playing With Fire
I will admit, I've never listened to this album. I'm only including it because no list of worst albums would be complete without this guy.
22.) Vanilla Ice-Hard to Swallow
Contrary to popular belief, Limp Bizkit and their peers didn't record the worst Nu-Metal album. No, Vanilla Ice did, in what basically sounds like a parody of an already shitty subgenre. Also contrary to popular belief, his worst song isn't "Hot Sex", "Having a Ronnie", or "I Love You" (though it can be agreed that "Ninja Rap" is the best thing he did). No, it's "The Horny Song", which also actually counts as the worst Nu-Metal song ever recorded-and that's saying something.
21.) Eminem-Encore
Ok, so "Mosh" and "Toy Soldiers" are cool songs, but those can't save an album with songs like "Big Weenie", "My First Single", "Just Lose It", "Evil Deeds", "Puke", or worst of all, "Ass Like That", in which Eminem rips on Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. (I know that Triumph appears in the video, but still, the song is a diss on a fucking hand puppet.) Oh, and it features Eminem taking a shit, which is something nobody wanted to hear.
9 p.m.
• There are "experts" debating over using an ogre as an anti-obese spokesperson? And are there going to be Happy Meals featured in this third Shrek movie? And I'm sure this anti-ogre hate violates some sort of discrimination law.
2:45 p.m.
• So yesterday the better half and I went to a few different stores to pick up stuff. First it was to Petco to pick up Dessa’s birthday free birthday gift. Yes, Petco sent us a coupon good for two free ping pong balls due to her “birthday” being around this time. How they know this I have no idea – my guess is Mrs. kkk sent this information in at some point in time. Actually, Dessa was born in the winter, but we picked her up in April, so I guess “birthday” means when we got her from Paws. But I digress. This was actually a pretty clever marketing ploy. Bring some pet owner in for a free 59-cent rattling plastic ball and hope they buy some overpriced crap. And that’s just what we did.
As we walked in the store, the better half said, “we need to get them new toys.“ Christ. However, this was my lucky day because there were a bunch of things on clearance. We got four scrunchy-type toys (three for ours, one for the in-law’s cat) and this valentine’s day box with several catnip mousse. Total cost: $6. Not too bad, considering if we would have gotten everything at retail price it would have been $25. Yes, $25.
Another place we stopped at was Kohl’s because there was a sale on these storage bag things. There’s a chance you’ve seen them advertised on television. Just put a bunch of stuff in these bag and suck all the air out of it via a vacuum cleaner hose. I spent this afternoon home on a comp day playing with these bags. I like ‘em. Not only have I sucked away a bunch of bathroom towels I don’t like using but keep around because you never know when you’ll need an extra towel or four. I also sucked away a bunch of bed sheets and other similar things. Now our towel closet has about twice as much free space as before. Am I writing a bit too much about this? Probably. But I’m not a hard person to please.
• You know, if I had the funds, I might have purchased these, too.
For as awful as that reality show of hers was, I’m sure these would have been an even bigger trainwreck. I don’t know what’s more pathetic: People who write about the stupid minutia that goes on in their dreary, daily lives, or those that actually waste part of their lives reading this pathetic shit.
…
Fuck.
I have other things to do on Thursday/Friday, and so here's my final mock draft.
1. Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell (QB, Louisiana State)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (trade) - Calvin Johnson (WR, Georgia Tech)
3. Cleveland Browns - Adrian Peterson (RB, Oklahoma)
4. Detroit Lions (trade) - Gaines Adams (DE, Clemson)
5. Arizona Cardinals - Joe Thomas (OT, Wisconsin)
6. Washington Redskins - Amobi Okoye (DT, Louisville)
7. Minnesota Vikings - Brady Quinn (QB, Notre Dame)
8. Atlanta Falcons - LaRon Landry (S, Louisiana State)
9. Miami Dolphins - Levi Brown (OT, Penn State)
10. Houston Texans - Leon Hall (CB, Michigan)
11. San Francisco 49ers - Adam Carriker (DE, Nebraska)
12. Buffalo Bills - Patrick Willis (ILB, Mississippi)
13. St. Louis Rams - Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas)
14. Carolina Panthers - Ted Ginn Jr. (WR/KR, Ohio State)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Darrelle Revis (CB, Pittsburgh)
16. Green Bay Packers - Marshawn Lynch (RB, California)
17. Jacksonville Jaguars - Reggie Nelson (S, Florida)
18. Cincinnati Bengals - Greg Olsen (TE, Miami of Florida)
19. Tennessee Titans - Robert Meachem (WR, Tennessee)
20. New York Giants - Lawrence Timmons (OLB, Florida State)
21. Denver Broncos - Jarvis Moss (DE, Florida)
22. Dallas Cowboys - Aaron Ross (CB, Texas)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe (WR, Louisiana State)
24. New England Patriots - Michael Griffin (S, Texas)
25. New York Jets - Chris Houston (CB, Arkansas)
26. Philadelphia Eagles - Jon Beason (OLB, Miami of Florida)
27. New Orleans Saints - Paul Posluszny (OLB, Penn State)
28. New England Patriots - David Harris (ILB, Michigan)
29. Baltimore Ravens - Ryan Kalil (C, USC)
30. San Diego Chargers - Sidney Rice (WR, South Carolina)
31. Chicago Bears - Joe Staley (OT, Central Michigan)
32. Indianapolis Colts - Alan Branch (DT, Michigan)
26.) Foetus Symphony Orchestra-York
I love Jim Thirlwell. My blog is named after one of his songs fer Christsakes! That out of the way, this is the worst album he recorded. Done after he was dumped by Sony, the album is a collaboration with Lydia Lunch that details a tour through the seedier, more unpleasent parts of New York. Sounds good, right? Well it would be if it didn't sound exactly like that, only less exciting and with pretentious, monotonous jazz noodling as music. Fortunately, he's made up for this, but it's still a bad album.
25.) Michael Jackson-HIStory
Some will tell you that Invincible is the worst Michael Jackson recorded, but they are mistaken. HIStory is a monumental achievement in ego, from the huge statue he constructed to celebrate the album, to shitty stabs at angry pop music with "They Don't Care About US" ("Scream" is a pretty fucking awesome song though) to the absolutely creepy (This came after the first trial) "Childhood", HIStory is his worse album. Though it should be mentioned again that "Scream" is a pretty badass song.
24.) Madonna-American Life
Question: What's the worst album Madonna ever recorded? Answer: American Life. If you want to hear an American billionaire with a fake British accent complain about what she thinks is wrong with America, this is the album for you. Otherwise, you should avoid. Oh, and don't forget the title track, which has Madonna rapping, and nearly destroying Hip Hop.
1 p.m.
• We all know some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male (just name it, and it'll probably be true), but what about this religion's young-ins? Let the list begin.
