-Well, I went to Big Boy's for Breakfast yesterday (what can I say, their breakfast bar rules, and Bob Evans was crowded) and saw something that I've never seen before, or at least in person: a female Insane Clown Posse fan who wasn't ugly or fat. Well, her face was so-so, but she had a pretty good body, and a nice ass. Who knew such a thing existed.
Afterwards, I stopped at Best Buy to get Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD (it's great, though the commentary tracks are so-so), then went to Meijer to get some food. I also started reading Jack Ketchum's "The Lost", and it's been great so far. The guy's one of my favorite horror authors, and everyone should read him.
Now, back to the countdown.
29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die
Hey, it's Death in June, doing the whole neo-folk with fascist overtones thing-again. Only this time it's uninteresting, and shows the eventual musical mediocrity that's unfortunately plagued them since. It also drags on too long, and while he at least tried something a bit different, it's attempts at dirge-like atmosphere and eeriness falls right on it's face.
28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children
I love Prinve. Who doesn't love Prince. That out of the way, there's no denying that he's cut some bad albums, and while there has been debate over what his worst album is, I'd say it's this one. Here, Prince lets the world know he's a Jehovas Witness (at least he did go door to door over it), and records an album made up of really bad attempts at sounding like James Brown, Sly Stone, and other such greats. It also has some of the worst lyrics he's ever written.
27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder
One of the worst (and most puzzling) concept albums ever recorded (ELP's Tarkus, while a shitty album, gets a pass for having such an odd but awesome concept), Music for the Elder pissed off whatever remaining Kiss fans existed at the time, with it's shitty attempts at Prog Rock, and was the final straw for Ace Frehley, who left the band after the albums release. Who could really blame him?
8:30 p.m.
• So yesterday I did a bunch of yardwork. Well, maybe not as much as a Mexican is capable of doing, but whatever. Even though I got slightly singed from Mr. Sun, I thought I came out of it all in reasonably good condition. But then I forgot about the ever-dreaded day after. Holy fuck. Every part of my body aches and I feel like total shit. Wow I really must be getting old. Back in my day I was able to do an afternoon’s worth of manual labor and … well, I still felt like this the day after, even during my teen years. Guess I’ve been a lazy bastard all along. Then again, perhaps us crackers aren’t meant for this kind of rough-and-tumble treatment, or at least white people living within their means. Perhaps Racist Dusty was right all along.
• With baseball season recently under way, I’ve been feeling the urge to play MVP ’05 once again. Funny thing is I’m only into mid-May in Year 1 of my franchise mode. Why haven’t I gotten all that far in my 120-year dynasty? Because I’m a sap and I like playing all my minor-league teams. I don’t know why – it’s just more enjoyable to split time with the Lynchburg Hillcats, Altoona Curve, Indianapolis Indians and Pirates. In fact, many times I have more fun playing the minor-league teams. Take yesterday for example. While playing my Single-A Hillcats, who were in the midst of a four-game losing streak, against some team I’ve never heard of before. I was down by a score of 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth. I’ve managed to get on base several times, but I wasn’t able to cash in any of the runners. Then with two outs my star player hit a three-run homer to send the game into extra innings. In the bottom of the 10th I ended it with a walk-off bomb from my centerfielder – his first of the year. Fun times.
• Now the obvious punchline to this one is “Who can miss yours, Rosie?” but you people have come to expect more from me.
I’m sure Rosie can use her “fair share” by issuing some “TP Credits” that will limit the wiping materials of others willing to make the sacrifice for a cleaner Mother Earth.
• Awwwww.
Boo-Hoo.
I got an idea. Put someone under with anesthesia, stick a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger.
• Wait, wha-?
Follow-up tests on a backup urine sample? Just how many times do these people have to pee in a cup?
• More than 92,000 show up to watch a spring football game?
Seriously, it’s time to get a professional team down there. Or some hobbies.
3 p.m.
• I always hear you liberals bitch about us evil right-wingers wanting to be all up in your business when it comes to you your bedroom activity. OK then. I’ll stay out of your bedroom, but get the hell away from my bathroom.
It’s bad enough you bitches leave us stuck with those gaywad enviro-friendly toilets, which require you to flush three times as many times in order to get a “deposit” certified as it would if I was using a manly shitter. You know, the kind that gives your privates a refreshing breeze afterward because of its sheer power. Then again, if you commies ever get some sort of toilet paper rationing legislation signed into law, I’ll be more than happy to wipe my browneye with your CD covers.
7:45 p.m.
• Have I mentioned how much I hate yardwork? I spent the better part of the afternoon pulling weeds and shit from the side of my yard, and uprooted two bush/tree thingys which sucked. Oh well, at least manual labor makes me feel like a man, until I get some dirt in my shoe and I cry.
• So this was on Drudge today: “Tina Brown set to unleash 'most controversial book on Princess Diana ever'…” Wha-?
WHO GIVES A SHIT?! Christ, how long has she been dead?
• Jackie Robinson would be so proud of this being published exactly one week after JACKIE ROBINSON DAY.
Actually, I’m wondering if this is the same school that got national headlines a few years back for this segregated prom? During that time Bill O’Reilly was going batshit about it and brought on Neal Boortz, who took an opposing view, on to his show. If memory serves, Boortz’s viewpoint was something to the effect of “it’s a private matter; what can the government school do.” Ah, here we go. Looks like the Bill/Neal conversation dealt with a different school. Wow, was this a funny moment of television.
In case you’re wondering what the “hubcap incident” was, here you go.
Personally, I thought the "hubcap" remark was much ado about nothing. After all, it's the Mexicans who steal those things. Blacks will just steal a car's stereo.
My mission this season is to watch five different Phillies teams. Within range are the major league Phillies, the Reading Phillies (AA), the Lakewood Blueclaws (Low A) and the Williamsport Crosscutters (Short Season A). The AAA Phillies play in Ottawa, but they'll play road games in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. Lakewood is 2 1/2 hours away, but a free day and the promise of a 70 degree, sunny day near the shore provided more than enough temptation to make the drive.
FirstEnergy Park in Lakewood is easily the nicest minor league park I have ever seen. The main seating area is spacious, plenty of seat and leg room. The concourse is entirely open with a full view of the park from concession areas. Prices are reasonable. Reserved Seats are $9, parking is $3 and concessions are not tremendously overpriced. The same owner is building the park for the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, and the design for that stadium looks similar. As if a baseball team wasn't incentive enough, the new park is absolutely going to blow away the park in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.
The game was my first taste of baseball in the Sally League. In lower-level baseball, you will tend to see a few more miscues and mistakes. The players are still learning on the job, after all. The highlight of the game involved the Blueclaws employing the delayed double-steal. Quintin Berry stole second base and Julian Williams stole home. Michael Dubee walked two in the seventh however, and the Blueclaws fell to the Hagerstown Suns 7-6. It was a quality game, well worth the drive. Sometimes you need to get a different look at the game. After the sub-par outings in Scranton, this was saving grace to the baseball soul.
All that said, there's a reason I don't like to drive in New Jersey. The Garden State Parkway is elusive and if you miss it, you find yourself in Staten Island. At $6, that's an expensive wrong turn. I got lost twice finding the ballpark.
This past week the Golden State Warriors ended 13 years of misery by finally clinching a playoff bid. My interest in the Warriors has never come close to my passion for the A's or even the 49ers but I'm excited never the less. As a kid I was a bandwagon Laker fan, which was hard not to do in the 80's, but around age 12 or 13 I dumped my bandwagon ways and started rooting strictly for the local teams then finally adopting the Warriors as my NBA team. I was a freshman in high school the last time the Warriors were in the playoffs and I only have vague memories of their season. I do remember going to their fan fest that year and getting my picture taken with Byron Houston, well because the lines for Chris Mullin and Latrell Sprewell were way too long. Damn little I knew at the time how oddly cool it would have been to have a picture taken with Sprewell although I seem to remember Houston got arrested on gun posession charges later in the year.
Now trying to figure out an entry for this I finally found an excuse to use paperofrecord.com. It's a free newspaper archive service that happens to have an expansive archive of old Sporting News. The Sporting News was still some what relevent then, although by then had already lost of a lot of it's prestige, so I figured it'd be interesting to check out an issue from 13 years ago this week and see what was being talked about in the world of sports.
Cover Story: Soar Subject. Can Danny Manning and the Hawks rise to occasion?
-Hawks had the #1 seed in the East going into the playoffs but they would be pushed to five games by the Heat in the first round and then lost in six to the Pacers in conference semis.
Sound Bites: Gorge Steinbrenner, giving yet another manager a vote of confidence:
-Hey he didn't lie. He'd fire him after 1995 instead. Who would have thought that 12 years later Steinbrenner hadn't fired another manager since? Showalter has of course been fired from two more jobs since.
-The NFL announced for the first time their games would be available by pay-per-view for home dish owners.
-In 1994 for the first time those advertisements behind home plate started popping up and in the "Voice of the Fan" section there is one from a fan saying he won't purchase any product shown behind homeplate and urging others to do the same. How'd that boycott turn out?
A Lively Debate: Only two weeks into the season, juicy theories abound about the core of the game - the ball itself.
-Everyone in baseball seemed to be hitting homeruns to start the season and many thought the ball was juiced. The word "steroids" is never mentioned once in the article. I miss those days.
-In a little blurb with an update on the baseball labor situation it is mentioned that Senator George Mitchell is a lock to be the next commissioner, if he wants the job. Guess he didn't want it.
-Dave Stewart accuses Barry Bonds of not respecting anyone but himself. Get out!
-In the Expos' notes section, pitcher Ken Hill shows why his future wouldn't have been as a GM. Expos were off to a slow 4-8 start and he complained about them trading Delino DeShield to the Dodgers in the offseason and saying that teams didn't fear them anymore. Who did the Expos receive for DeShields? Some guy named Pedro Martinez.
-Of course this time of year the NFL Draft was about to happen and they had an article ranking the top defensive players in the draft.
Defensive Ends: 1. Willie McGinest 2. Henry Ford 3. Joe Johnson 4. Shante Carver 5. Fernando Smith
Defensive Tackles: 1. Dan Wilkinson 2. Bryant Young 3. Sam Adams 4. Romeo Bandinson 5. William Gaines
Outside Linebackers: 1. Trev Alberts 2. John Thierry 3. Jamir Miller 4. Rob Fredrickson 5. Ron Woolfork
Inside Linebackers: 1. Winfred Tubbs 2. Kevin Mitchell 3. Allen Aldridge 4. Ken Alexander 5. Jermaine Younger
Cornerbacks: 1. Aaron Glenn 2. Antonio Langham 3. Dewayne Washington 4. Thomas Randolph 5. Tyronne Drakeford
Safties: 1. Toby Wright 2. Marvin Goodwin 3. Van Malone 4. Jason Sehorn 5. Anthony Phillips
-They added a quick Top 50 overall rankings. Comment on Heath Shuler: "A cut above Rick Mirer." High praise indeed.
-Also they had a mock 1st Round draft. Most interesting pick they had...Charlie Ward 19th overall to the Vikings. Ooookaaay.
-Speculation that the Raiders might move to Orlando. Damn, too bad that didn't happen. A's might have had a new stadium in Oakland by now.
-Charles Barkley on the Knicks. Knicks would come within one win of winning it all.
-Dennis Rodman on the Sonics. Wow, Rodman surprisingly prophetic as the Sonics were shocked by the Nuggets in the 1st round.
11:45 p.m.
• So MSNBC had “To Catch a Predator: Greatest Hits” or something like that. After watching this hour-long laughfest, I have conclude that this world is made up of some crazy-ass people. My favorite was the guy who showed up to the sting house, stripped naked and began wanking in the kitchen before the show’s host came out to greet him. The next day this perv arranged another “date,” this time at a McDonald’s, thinking he was going to provide a happy meal for some 13-year-old boy. Busted again. But that’s not the best part. At the show’s end, when they were telling us the years in jail all these predators received, the guy mentioned above was only sentenced to two years – the least out of all of them, except for the guy who is still at-large. Did I say two years? I mean NONE, because the red diaper doper baby judge suspended his sentence. WTF? He was ON VIDEO at a house where he thought he was going to get some under-age anal and was MASTERBATING in anticipation. While these shows are funny as hell, what’s scary is when you realize that there are a shit-load of these encounters that go on everyday.
7:45 p.m.
• I think I just found my new “White Rapper” show. I was flipping through channels today and watched some of that “Charm School” program where the “Flavor of Love” rejects learn to be more lady-like. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then consider yourself lucky. Good God. There were many things to laugh at, but what got me was the $50,000 grand prize and how several of these women thought this would be the end-all to their current financial woes. Um, it’s only $50,000 – and that’s before taxes. You’re not going to retire because of this. At least I now know who that chick was in those “I Love New York” episodes. No, I didn’t watch ANY of those. What is up with rejected chicks on these “Bachelor-like” shows getting their own “elimin-date” programs? Talk about sloppy seconds.
• If you don't think you're shooting at blacks, then terrorists have already won.
• The hell?
So what about the billions upon billions of unbaptized babies who have already died? What exactly happens to them – do they get recalled or something? And to think there are people sitting in a room actually discussing this stuff.
8:15 a.m.
• I’ve been meaning to tell this story for about a week but haven’t been motivated enough until now. While at the Chinese buffet last week, there were some people sitting next to us before the “shoe” family paid us a visit. There were two guys and one was bitching to the other about how in California cops will go into a bar’s parking lot and mark up a car’s tire. This acts like a time stamp, so the officers will know how long that car has been parked there. If a person leaves in a car that’s been there for several hours they will pull them over for a DUI test or something. This genius then said, “They can’t do that – that’s ENTRAPMENT.” Now regardless of your opinion of this police procedure, this is not “entrapment.” But wait, I’m not a lawyer. Could I be wrong? I took this case over to our newly bar-accepted ambulance chaser Vyce and asked for his opinion. This is what he said:
Now I also mentioned to the better half my example of how the above-mentioned police tactics could have a case of being entrapment, which was if the cops opened up a bar/drink stand offering free drinks for six hours. When the people drink up and drive off other cops stationed nearby who have been watching the whole thing pull them over. Was my spur-of-the-moment exaample a case of entrapment due to "police" offering "free" drinks? Here's what Vyce said.
I got into an argument with my co-worker over this because he felt this was wrong for the police to do. Personally, I don’t’ care. My co-worker said, “Well, what if they pull someone over who was working or wasn’t drinking?” My response: “Then all they have to do is walk a straight line.” I guess I’m nothing more than a goose-stepping pawn of the State, but I’m actually glad cops do this. I got pulled over one time when I was in high school, and the police thought I might have been drinking. I took a turn wide and went through a stop sign I didn’t see due to driving in an unfamiliar area. I also had several passengers with me, so I’m sure the po-pos were thinking we had just come from a party or something. They had me do the nose-touching thing and the walk-straight thing. I was cooperative and that was the end of it. Yeah, I got a ticket, but I didn’t fight it, even though I might have had a case. The reason? I still had my junior license, which prohibits anyone under the age of 18 from driving past midnight, and it was well into the witching hour when I got pulled over. I just paid the $90 and went on with life.
10:30 p.m.
• Time for another pic of the kids.
This was taken not too long after we first took Max in as a stray. He had a hell of a time trying to get the other two to like him. Here he is trying to charm Dessa by thinking if they lay on the same bed together it will expediate the bonding process; it's been 2+ years and he's still working on it. Well, actually, I think he's given up, and who can blame him? Bitches be trippin'.
• There’s one thing I hate more than mowing my lawn, and that’s Jews. Seriously, they own the banks, they own the media and they own the entertainment industry. And even though they want you to think they suck at sports, there’s Sandy Koufax and Shawn Green. Wait a second, I’m getting off-track. There’s two things I hate more than mowing my lawn. What’s the second thing?
Mowing my lawn for the first time in the spring.
Oh sweet Jesus do I fucking hate this shit. The grass gets a head start growing after the snow melts and the rain pours, keeping my lawnmower indoors while the land sprouts. And then when it’s warm enough for me to feel motivated and prime up the ol’ mower it takes me three-and-a-half hours and five 40 gallon lawn bags before I finish. But it’s done – for now. Where’s an undocumented Mexican when you really need one?
• I posted my NHL playoff picks a while back, and even though I think I’m doing OK over in the Eastern Conference, I know I’ve got Nashville going far in the West. Oops. Well, I might as well do the NBA now and get it over with.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Magic (8) v. Pistons (1): I have no idea who is on the Magic. There’s some Howard kid that’s supposed to be good. Hey, is Bo Outlaw still playing? He is! And it looks like he still wears those funky glasses. Pistons in 5.
Wizards (7) v. Cavs (2): The Wizards should be the eighth seed by default. What a lucky break the Cavs got with the Bulls choking in their final game of the regular season, thus dropping from the second to the fifth seed and giving Cleveland this matchup. Cavs in 5.
Nets (6) v. Raptors (3): I have no clue who is on the Raptors. They got the top draft pick last year, if memory serves, so I guess that went well. Nets in 6.
Bulls (5) v. Heat (4): With all the talk about the Bulls losing the second seed, they still played Miami tough in last year’s opening round. Although the Heat have to be a good team; after all, Pat Riley has said that he will coach them next year. If the Heat were going to suck, Riles would be out like shout. Bulls in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Bulls (5) v. Pistons (4): I remember those Bulls/Pistons matchups from the late 1980s/early 1990s. Fuck MJ. Fuck Scottie Pippen. Pistons in 6.
Nets (6) v. Cavs (2): I like Lebron. Cavs in 6.
EASTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Cavs (2) v. Pistons (1): It’ll be like last year, only one round further. Pistons in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- FIRST ROUND
Warriors (8) v. Mavericks (1): No clue who is on the Warriors. I’ve heard they’ve beaten the Mavs as of late. Hooray for them. Mavericks in 5.
Lakers (7) v. Suns (2): Hope you like scoring all those points, Kobe, because that’s all you have to look forward to. Suns in 5.
Nuggets (6) v. Spurs (3): How has the Iverson experiment gone? I haven’t been paying attention. Spurs in 5.
Rockets (5) v. Jazz (4): I’m surprised the Jazz did as good as they did. However, I heard that some European guy is hurt, and I’m not sure if it’s the really good white guy Utah has. I’m not taking any chances. Rockets in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- SECOND ROUND
Rockets (5) v. Mavericks (1): I like Yao. I like T-Mac. I don’t like Houston’s chances of moving on. Mavericks in 6.
Spurs (3) v. Suns (2): I remember watching some of last years’ Spurs/Mavericks second-round playoff matchup. What a great contest that was. It’s a shame one of these teams has to lose. Spurs in 7.
WESTERN CONFERENCE -- THIRD ROUND
Spurs (3) v. Mavericks (1): I give the nod to Dallas because San Antonio will be worn out due to all that running in their last round. Mavericks in 6.
NBA FINALS
Pistons (1) v. Mavericks (1): Dallas will finish what they started last year, and I get to laugh when David Stern hands the trophy over to Mark Cuban just as he gets on his private jet to make more pro-terrorist films. Mavericks in 6.
-Well, kkktookmybabyaway told me to update my blog, so I am. He also says that C-Bacon is somehow responsible for helping me get it back online. For that I say: I know I rip on you alot, but thanks. I won't apolagize to you, but thanks a lot. For that, I'll leave you alone and put you off ignore...for a while.
Also, I turned 24 last week, I've got a lot of homework, and that's about it. Anyways, back to the countdown to the worst albums of all time.
32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs
I always hated this band. I got in an arguement with Tack over them. I downloaded this once, and it sucked (as expected). The story behind this album: Varg Vikernes, apart from having a one man metal project named Burzum, was also a (brief) member of legendary Black Metal band Mayhem. At some point, he killed one of the band members, and was arrested by the police. When they searched his house, they found several explosives, as well as the fact that he's a Neo-Nazi and a church burner. While in jail, he couldn't afford guitars, bass, or drums anymore, and also decided to give up the instruments because they are "Black." He changed his style of music to make music that is more in tune with being Aryan-making shitty music on a casio keyboard (again all he could afford) made in Japan that sounds like a teenager trying to make symphonic music on a casio keyboard. Oh, and he didn't record this as a joke. That's right, he was seriously trying to make an artistic statement by recording with a cheap casio keyboard. That's all you need to know.
31.) Ministry-Filth Pig
After Psalm 69, you'd think that the follow up would be incredible. Think again. This sounds like a Al Jourgenson and co. decided to record a Black Sabbath tribute with samples and drum machines. It's a lazy affair, devoid of any memorable moments (save for "Reload" and "The Fall"), and a horrible cover of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady, Lay." This album was also recorded while Al was deep into heroin addiction, so if any album should be proof enough that heroin is bad, this is one of them.
30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please
Another band that I never liked, the Happy Mondays were a dance-rock band from the 80's-90's who were fueled on E and just dull. Their last album though, is just shitty. There's no interesting moments (unlike on say, Thrills, Pills, and Bellyaches, which at least had it's moments in songs like "Kinky Afro" and "Step On"), the lyrics are incredibly cringe inducing, and sounds too much like it's trying to keep up with then current trends (again with trying to stay with the times). The band got back together recently, and has a new album on the way, but I doubt it will be as bad as this one.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 30: Lovecraft/Gary Floyd
He hates freedom, to be sure. But he also hates commies, which is a bigger plus than the former is a minus. He likes horror movies, too. Really likes them. Update your blog, hippie.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
6 p.m.
• Being a tireless A-Rod defender, I was a bit nervous when he popped out with the bases loaded early on in the season. However, it looks like he’s doing rather well for himself as of late.
If the Yankees reach the postseason, for his sake I hope Rodriguez can be money in October as he is in April.
• So NBC showed that Jap’s video. (Korean, Japanese, what’s the difference?)
If we really wanted to “understand” this nut, then his incoherent ramblings should have been aired uncensored (like my blog entries). But we can’t put this…
…anywhere NEAR a video camera or printing press. Whatever.
• Yeah, the story itself is dumb.
What makes me laugh is the patriotic scarf.
1 p.m.
• Remember that "pensis" ad I posted a while back? Well, this little gem paid a visit to my e-mail inbox just now.
8 p.m.
• For those that care, the mail issue has been resolved. When I called the post office on Friday, I actually spoke to the chick that delivered mail on my street. Basically, she said that she couldn’t find my mailbox and though that rusted out piece of shit was indeed my mailbox. When I mentioned my neighbor who needs to get his mail at his doorstep, she said, “Oh I knew about that,” to which my response was, “then why was his mail with mine in the wrong mailbox. Silence. Oh, and that rusted mailbox is now hanging by a thread from its post.
• Here’s an update on the sterile Mexican family. Despite having the income of a part-time janitor, and the expenses of two test-tube kids, this household purchased a house, a new car and luxury items like a projection television. Did I mention they claimed bankruptcy a few years back due to maxed out credit cards? Well last night we discovered that – surprise – they are at least three months back on their mortgage payments with a house they bought less than 15 months ago. Whenever I hear welfare-reform opponents whine about how cruel we are to our nation’s poor, I get the urge to laugh until I cry.
• I hope there aren’t any great expectations for this place. LOL2007~!
If you dont' get the joke, go read a book. Then again, I don't read any of this hippie shit either.
1 p.m.
• So as I was driving to work this morning I heard on the radio some story about this local college athlete getting arrested due to a domestic dispute. I can’t tell you who the athlete was or what sport he played. All I can tell you is that the fight started over a set of car keys. Oh, and the chick saying that the “violence started after she hit him in the chest.” Uh, no, bitch – the violence started WHEN you hit that guy in the chest. I don’t advocate violence on females (unless, of course, they are really deserving of it, like when they don't have your dinner ready when you home from work), but when you bitches strike us first it should be on like Donkey Kong.
Ah, here's the story.
If all this is true, I wouldn't punish Benjamin outside of the normal criminal conduct code for two people fighting in public. A college basketball player for a Division 1A program and all she got was a bleeding knee along with a few scratches and bruises. I think she got off rather lucky. The only thing I'd fault Benjamin for is poor choice in women, but then again the article says "former girlfriend."
9:30 p.m.
• The better half and I have this ongoing joke where I call her a “ho.” (Don’t ask. It’s a LONG story.) Well, like many things, this joke has morphed over time. One of these changes came when I finally got her to watch Season 1 of “The Shield.” There is this storyline that carried for an episode or two where officers Dani and Gay Julian dealt with this love triangle: one fat white woman and two black guys. Basically, this chick was banging one guy then the next, and every time the officers went to that address for some domestic disturbance call, the gal was with a different guy. One time the cops were called out there because one of the guys spray-painted “ho” on the woman’s front door. But on the next call out there, when the guy who spray-painted “ho” suddenly became that woman’s squeeze for the day, in response to his earlier graffiti he spray-pained “s” and “e” to transform that derogatory term from “ho” to “shoe.” When Mrs. kkk saw this “shoe” scene, she bust out laughing, so now instead of calling her “ho,” in many instances I call her “shoe.” It’s all love talk. Anyway, today we went to a local Chinese buffet due to both of us having crazy days at work. While we were there, this family came in and was celebrating the birthday of one of their daughters. We knew this because the girl was wearing a paper crown on her head. On the crown it said, “Happy Birthday Mary” and below that it said, “little shoe.” We both laughed.
Oh, and that “Shield” storyline ended with one of the guys killing the other guy and chick … with a GUN!
• An organized crime chief can't afford to pay for car upkeep? Japan's economy must really suck.
Gee, I wonder how that bit got into the article? I liked the last part of the article.
So I guess Japan now needs to ban swords, knives, matches and gasoline in order for its citizens to feel really safe.
• Not only was Jersey’s governor not wearing a seatbelt in his recent accident, but also his SUV was going 91 mph. That’s funny.
I wonder if the law will treat Corzine the same way as it would a regular person who got into an accident going more than 30 mph over the speed limit and not wearing a seat belt?
• How about calling on distressed borrowers to not buy houses when they clearly can’t afford to make such an investment?
Oh, yeah. Because that would be mean.
9 p.m.
• Remember back during the football season I said that I liked NBC's "Football Night in America"? Well, that may be put to the test this year.
Then again, I shouldn't let my right-wing bias taint this; I liked Keith when he was on SportsCenter. Actually, when he was on ESPN I always wondered what he would be like if he talked about things other than sports. Boy did I ever get my wish. Looks like Sterling's a no-go. He was one of my favorite players before he got hurt. What that has to do with his broadcasting ability I have no idea.
• OK, so the second paragraph made me laugh. And I'm a believer in the Madden curse. If I was a Charger fan and saw LT on the cover, I'd be scared. Very scared.
6:15 p.m.
• So this got me laughing today on my “Around the Horn/PTI” background-noise-during-dinner-hour spectacular. I guess Steve Spurrier doesn’t like the stars and bars on the South Carolina state flag.
Of course there was a near circle-jerk about what a great guy Steve is and all that, but I was thinking what if Spurrier came out and said he thought the flag should stay as is. Boy would today’s reactions be a different. As for me, I don’t care what Spurrier says about this issue; actually I don’t really care what anybody says about the confederate flag. I’m a hated Yankee.
• Regarding the whole Virginia Tech thing: From an AIM chat earlier today with everybody’s favorite SNL recapper.
Great. Now I get to hear libs go “OMG GUNS R EVIL~!” for the next few weeks. Too bad there weren’t any thuggish Miami Hurricane players there; they would have put two in that Jap’s head.
• The hell?
I don’t think the better half and I were with our H&R Block chick for even an hour this year.
There Were Others
On April 15, 1947, Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier when he took the field for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Robinson showed class and courage in dealing with the conditions of his time. He was not the only player, however. Four other african-americans played Major League Baseball in '47. They faced the same obstacles, but not all experienced similar success.
Larry Doby: The Cleveland Indians became the second MLB team to desegregate, and the first American League team. Doby debuted on July 5th and spent most of the season as a pinch hitter. Doby hit just .156 (5 for 32) with one walk and one double. Despite his poor performance, Doby stayed with the club for eight more seasons. Owner Bill Veeck claimed he desired to buy the Phillies in 1943 and staff them with negro league players, but this claim has never been substantiated. Veeck did integrate the Indians however, and reaped the rewards the next season. Larry Doby blossomed, the team added Satchel Paige to its bullpen and the club won the World Series.
Hank Thompson and Willard Brown: The St. Louis Browns next tried their hand at integration. Observers might remember Jackie's problems with St. Louis. It proved a less than ideal environment. Thompson played second base and hit .256 with plate discipline but no power. Willard Brown hit just .179. Brown hit the first home run by a black player in the American League. As Bill James' Historical Abstract reports, Brown had trouble hitting with lighter bats. Trying to find a heavier bat to suit his tastes, he found a bat with the knob broken off. He hit the home run with the bat. Afterwards the prior owner, Jeff Heath, reclaimed the bat and shattered it against the clubhouse wall. Clearly player relations were not fully resolved before the experiment. Hank Thompson returned to the Majors in 1949 and integrated the New York Giants, spending eight years with the club. Willard Brown never again played in the Majors, but gained election to the Hall of Fame in the special election of 2006.
Dan Bankhead: One of five baseball playing brothers, Bankhead joined Jackie Robinson on the Dodgers in late August. Bankhead made four pitching appearances in relief, pitching ten innings and allowing eight runs (good for a 7.20 ERA). Bankhead returned to the Dodgers in 1950 as a long reliever/spot starter, this time posting a 5.50 ERA with a 9-4 record.
Except for Doby, none are truly memorable figures in baseball. But all experienced the same trials and tribulations as Jackie, and deserve recognition in their own right.
Been a long time since I did one of these as I got discouraged after flushing my 1991 Mariners entry by accident. But after doing the 80's tournament figured I might as well do one on the team that won it, the 1980 Expos. I normally try to focus on teams from the last 20 years since many of the players I at least have memories of seeing play but there are a quite a few interesting players from this club and I hadn't done one on the Expos yet.
Expos were in a heated three team race with the defending World Champion Pirates and eventual World Champion Phillies for the N.L. East title much of the second half. The Pirates faded down the stretch but the Expos and Phillies were tied for first going into the final weekend of the season and just happened to have a series against each other Montreal. Phillies won on Friday 2-1 and then the next day the Expos heart was broken when Woodie Fryman couldn't close it out in the 9th as the Phillies tied it 4-4 on a two out Bob Boone RBI single and then in the 11th Mike Schmidt hit a two run homerun off Steve Bahnsen to win it.
C: Gary Carter (.264/.331/.486, 34.9 VORP, 30 Win Shares) – “The Kid” at age 26 had already established himself as one of the best catchers in the game and finished a distant 2nd to Mike Schmidt in the MVP voting. Like most Expos stars they didn’t hang on to him and he was traded to the Mets following the 1984 season for Hubie Brooks, Mike Fitzgerald, Herm Winningham, and Floyd Youmans. He would hit the catcher wall in 1987 and was released following an injury plagued 1989 season. Picked up with the Giants where had a decent year as a platoon catcher. Signed with the Dodgers for 1991 and then returned for nostalgia to Montreal in 1992 where he retired. Inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2003.
1B: Warren Cromartie (.288/.345/.430, 19.8 VORP, 17.4 Win Shares) – Cromartie was a highly touted prospect who never quite lived up to the hype and he hit for very little power for a first baseman. Played in Montreal thru 1983 and then headed to Japan where he became a big star for Yomiuri Giants. He’d write a book about his experience in Japan which would inspire the movie “Mr. Baseball.” He returned to the States in 1991 where he played for the Royals as a back up.
2B: Rodney Scott (.224/.307/.293, 9.8 VORP, 13.2 Win Shares) – Scott was all speed and little else. He stole 63 bases and led the N.L. with 13 triples in 1980 which would lead to someone giving him a throw away 10th place MVP vote. For his career he hit just 3 homeruns in 2487 plate appearances, all of them in 1979. Most notable thing about him was in 1982 he walked off the Expos team in protest for them releasing Bill Lee and the Expos were more than accommodating in releasing Scott the next day. He was picked up by the Yankees who would also release later that year and would mark the end of his MLB career.
3B: Larry Parrish (.254/.310/.427, 9.2 VORP, 12.6 Win Shares) – Parrish had come off what appeared to be a breakout year offensively where he hit .307 with 30 homeruns and finished in the Top 5 in the MVP voting but it turned out to be a fluke, although part of his struggles in 1980 were due to a wrist injury. Dealt right before the 1982 season to Texas for Al Oliver. Played almost the rest of his career with the Rangers before being released in his final year of 1988, then picked up by the Red Sox to finish out the season. Had a brief but forgettable run as manager of the Tigers in 1999.
SS: Chris Speier (.265/.351/.330, 15.0 VORP, 12.5 Win Shares) – Speier was in the middle of a decent 19 year career although much of the rest of his career was spent as a back up. Traded to the Cardinals late in the 1984 season he’d then sign with the Cubs for a two year stint. Signed with the Giants from there where he played out the rest of his career, retiring after 1989. His son Justin currently pitches for the Angels.
LF: Ron LeFlore (.257/.337/.363, 17.0 VORP, 18 Win Shares) – LeFlore was a very interesting player because he was an ex-con and was discovered in prison by Billy Martin. After robbing people of their money for several years, LeFlore was robbing bases! Yeah I didn’t put too much thought into that. Stole a career high 97 bases in 1980 and is the only player to ever lead both leagues in steals. He signed as a free agent with the White Sox following the season but struggled there for his final two years in the Majors.
CF: Andre Dawson (.308/.358/.492, 50.9 VORP, 29.1 Win Shares) – This was Dawson’s breakout year at age 25, winning his first Gold Glove and finished 7th in the MVP voting. A free agent after 1986, with his knees already destroyed by the Olympic Stadium turf he signed with the Cubs where he’d win a very dubious MVP award his first year in Chicago. Stayed a fairly productive hitter thru his entire tenure in Chicago but after signing with the Red Sox in 1993 his power disappeared. Spent his final year with the Marlins in 1995. Currently fighting an uphill battle to get into the Hall of Fame and he just barely misses the cut for me.
RF: Ellis Valentine (.315/.367/.524, 23.9 VORP, 15.2 Win Shares) – Valentine was a super talented player but injuries starting this year derailed his career and was limited to just 86 games this year. He was hit in the face by a pitch from Cardinals’ reliever Roy Thomas in a game in late May, suffering a broken cheek bone. He struggled mightily following this season and the Expos traded him during the 1981 season to the Mets for Jeff Reardon which ended being a brilliant trade for Montreal. Played for the Angels in 1983, didn’t play a game in the Majors in 1984, and then played just 11 games with the Rangers in 1985.
Rotation
Steve Rogers (120 ERA+, 50.6 VORP, 19.7 Win Shares) - Steve Rogers was a scrawny fine arts student specializing in industrialization in the 1940's before America entered World War II. He attempted to enlist in the army only to be turned away due to his poor constitution. A U.S. officer offered Rogers an alternative way to serve his country by being a test subject in project, Operation: Rebirth, a top secret defense research project designed to create physically superior soldiers. Rogers accepted and after a rigorous physical and combat training and selection process was selected as the first test subject. He was given injections and oral ingestion of the formula dubbed the "Super Soldier Serum" developed by the scientist Dr. Abraham Erskine. Rogers was then exposed to a controlled burst of "Vita-Rays" that activated and stabilized the chemicals in his system. The process successfully altered his physiology from its frail state to the maximum of human efficiency, including greatly enhanced musculature and reflexes.
After the assassination of Dr. Erskine. Roger was re-imagined as a superhero who served both as a counter-intelligence agent and a propaganda symbol to counter Nazi Germany's head of terrorist operations, the Red Skull. Rogers was given a costume modeled after the American flag, a bulletproof shield, a personal sidearm and the codename Captain America. He was also given a cover identity as a clumsy infantry private at Camp LeHigh in Virginia. Barely out of his teens himself, Rogers made friends with the teenage camp mascot, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes. Barnes accidentally learned of Rogers' dual identity and offered to keep the secret if he could become Captain America's sidekick. Rogers agreed, and trained Barnes. Roger met President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who presented him with a new shield made from a chance mixture of iron, Vibranium and an unknown catalyst. Throughout World War II, Captain America and Bucky fought the Nazi menace both on their own and as members of the superhero team the Invaders, which after the war evolved into the All-Winners Squad.
In the closing days of World War II in 1945, Captain America and Bucky tried to stop the villainous Baron Zemo from destroying an experimental drone plane. Zemo launched the plane with an armed explosive device on it, with Rogers and Barnes in hot pursuit. They reached the plane just before it took off, but when Bucky tried to defuse the bomb, it exploded in mid-air. The young man was believed killed, and Rogers was hurled into the freezing waters of either the North Atlantic. Neither his body or Bucky's were found, and both were presumed dead.
The Avengers discovered Rogers' body in the North Atlantic, his costume under his soldier's uniform and still carrying his shield. Rogers had been preserved in a block of ice since 1945, which melted after the block was thrown back into the ocean by an enraged Sub-Mariner. When Rogers revived, he related his last, failed mission in the closing days of the war. Rogers accepted membership in the Avengers, and although he soon adjusted to modern times well enough to eventually assume leadership of the team, he was plagued by guilt for not being able to prevent Bucky's death. He also undertook missions for the national security agency S.H.I.E.L.D., which was commanded by his old war comrade Nick Fury. Rogers established a residence in the Red Hook neighborhood of Brooklyn, New York and has discovered that Bucky had been held in suspended animation throughout the Cold War performing assassinations as the Winter Soldier.
Recent events have been tumultuous for Captain America. As the passage of the the Superhuman Registration Act drew near, Maria Hill (the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D.) propositioned Rogers and the Avengers to join S.H.I.E.L.D. in enforcing the act. When he refused, Hill had her trained "Superhuman Response Unit" attack him. During the scuffle Rogers avoided being tranquilized and managed to escape by lodging his shield in an aircraft and forcing the pilot to fly him to safety. Soon after, at the Baxter Building the Watcher told the heroes who had gathered there about the Captain's escape. Captain America soon became the de facto leader of the Secret Avengers, heroes fighting against the registration act, much to the consternation of his erstwhile friend Iron Man. While the two made sporadic attempts to reconcile during the Civil War, the clashes between their respective teams became more and more heated, ultimately leading to a pitched battle in the middle of New York City. At the end of the battle, as Cap was about to deliver a finishing blow to Iron Man, he was tackled by several emergency workers. Realizing the damage the war was doing to the city and its civilian population, Captain America unmasked and surrendered as Steve Rogers.
On his way to an arraignment at the Federal Courthouse in New York City, Captain America was shot in the right shoulder by a sniper's bullet. Several subsequent shots were fired point blank at Rogers by Sharon Carter, brainwashed by Dr. Faustus who was allied with the Red Skull. Sharon, unaware of her actions and concealed by the crowd during the shooting, escorted Rogers to the hospital while the Falcon and the Winter Soldier subdued the sniper, Crossbones (Brock Rumlow). Captain America was pronounced dead on arrival at Mercy Hospital. Sharon's memory was restored by a keyword spoken by the Red Skull's daughter, Sin (Sinthia Shmidt).
Oh wait...wrong Steve Rogers. This Steve Rogers was the rock of the Expos rotation, playing his entire 13 year career in Montreal. There you go.
Scott Sanderson (115 ERA+, 37.9 VORP, 14.4 Win Shares) – I actually went over Sanderson already in the '89 Cubs entry. He was actually quite the phenom at this point as he was only 23. Traded to the Cubs in a three team, six player deal after the 1983 season.
Bill Gullickson (119 ERA+, 22.9 VORP, 10.1 Win Shares) – Gullickson was the #2 overall pick in 1977 and this was his rookie year at age 21. Had a losing record in 1981 but did pitch very well although it would pretty much be his peak. Very mediocre for the majority of the rest of his career, he was traded after one of his better years in 1985 to the Reds. They traded him to the Yankees in late 1987 and Gullickson then spent the next two years in Japan. Came back to America in 1990 to pitch for the Astros and then signed with the Tigers where he won an offense aided 20 games in 1991. Played the rest of his career there thru 1994. Ironically enough Gullickson and Sanderson are both #1 on each others career similarity scores.
Bill Lee (72 ERA+, -7.6 VORP, 1 Win Share) – Lee, Charlie Lea, and David Palmer shared the 4th spot in the rotation but I went with Lee since he’s the most recognizable name. The Sapceman’s career was obviously winding down at this point as he had a terrible year. Rebounded a bit in limited duty the following year but as before mentioned was released in 1982.
Relief Ace: Woodie Fryman (159 ERA+, 17.5 VORP, 12.7 Win Shares) – We’re still a little bit away from the closer position taking the role we know it as today as Fryman led the Expos with 17 just saves at age 40. He had actually retired midseason three years earlier while with the Reds but changed his mind after the season. Retired after 1983.
8:30 p.m.
• Why do I do this to myself? That’s right, because it’s funny as hell. So I decided to turn on “Baseball Tonight” and lo’ and behold who do I see on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY?
and
Oh yeah, this will be good.
I don’t know what I found to be funnier: the game highlights I saw where ESPN showed which players were wearing #42 on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY, or the stat they had featuring “black firsts” in baseball. What caught my eye wasn’t who was first black player, or the first black manager, or the first black general manager, or the first black umpire. It was the first all-black starting lineup, which, according to ESPN, was the 1971 Pirates. Wait a second, wasn’t Roberto Clemente, a Latino, a starter on that team? Time to go to my on-line baseball encyclopedia for an answer.
Now what’s a dirty Latino player doing on a supposedly all-black lineup? (There were probably other Latinos on this team, but I don’t care.) You mean to tell me that in this one instance in honor of JACKIE ROBINSON DAY we’re lumping in black baseball players with Latinos? But yet in recent weeks I’ve had to hear about how there are only NINE PERCENT black ballplayers in Major League Baseball while disregarding the large amount of Latinos engaged in America’s National Pastime. So grouping blacks and other minorities when gathering baseball stats for a specific political agenda is bad every other day of the year except on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY? Gotcha. Oh my God: C.C. Sabathia had a good outing today and when Berman was talking with this player ESPN was showing his stats for the day, and on the line below this information it read, “on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY.” So it looked something like this:
IP 8, H 5, R 1, ER 1, BB 3, SO 10, HR 0, ERA 2.14
On JACKIE ROBINSON DAY
There’s a headline on MLB's home page that reads: “Sabathia does Jackie proud on special day.” Berman also used a similar line when the Twins’ Torii Hunter successfully slid into home. I’m surprised ESPN didn’t target those players who DIDN’T wear #42 today.
5:30 p.m.
• In a somewhat related story to this morning's entry, the people who live to the left of the rusty mailbox pictured below had their trash out on the curb Thursday for our Friday morning pickup. When I came home from work Thursday, I noticed their garbage can was knocked over, probably due to the high winds, and being the good neighbor that I am I went over to put it right-side up. It was then that I noticed they don't tie up their garbage bags that well, if at all. Upon further review, I realized that to them "garbage bag" means "plastic bag you get at the grocery store." What the fuck is wrong with people? Half the time my cats don't cover up their poop when they use the litter, but they're cats. Actually, Dessa and JJ often try to cover up their business by either clawing on the side of the litter box or by scratching the wall next to the litter boxes. And Max will use half the litter in one of their boxes to cover up his bathroom deposit, which means half of that litter used ends up on the floor. At least he tries.
8:30 a.m.
• Long story short. There’s this old guy who lives across the street from me. His wife died a few months ago, and due to health problems he has to use a walker. Because he’s unable to go out and get mail from his mailbox down by the edge of his yard, he arranged it with the post office so that a mailman (fuck using the term "postal carrier") would deliver it to the mailbox by his front door. Well of course several times already my mailbox has had letters addressed to this guy, but that’s not a big surprise. There have been times in the past where I’ve received letters from other people on the block in my mailbox, and my neighbors have received letters addressed to me in their mailboxes. Considering the amount of mail the post office deals with on a daily basis, I try to cut this organization some slack where I can (although there are a number of things that I do like to bitch about regarding this organization).
On Wednesday I normally receive some local discount publication called a PennySaver in my mailbox. For those that don’t know, a PennySaver is like one of those "free bargain circulars" you find at a grocery story or Wal-Mart where people can pimp their used goods for free or for a nominal fee. I don’t read this thing, but it always shows up in my mailbox on Wednesdays. This past Wednesday it didn’t. No biggie, I thought. Because Easter Sunday was a holiday, perhaps the post office is working a day late or something due to the volume of mail it got (it's happened before, and it's perfectly understandable). Besides, I normally don’t get anything in the mail on Wednesdays anyway besides that PennySaver. On Thursday there was no mail. OK, this is a little odd. Thursday is also a slow mail day, but to not get any letters asking me re-finance my mortgage for TWO DAYS in a row? Something’s fishy. Friday: Yep, no mail. Now something is up. I made plans to call the post office Monday and find out what’s going on; I’m not even going to try and sort this out with a person who’s working at the post office on a Saturday. Trust me, if you have an issue with your local mail provider, DO NOT put your hopes in the staff workers who are there on a Saturday. That's like going to a Quickie Mart in order to complain to the third-shift employee about the poor customer service you received earlier that day.
This morning, I asked the better half if we got any mail and she said “nope.” Great. When I went out to get my Sunday newspaper, I pick up the same publication for my other neighbor who is also unable to get her mail. (She’s the wife of the now deceased groundhog-killing neighbor.) As I went to get her paper to put it on her doorstep I figured what the hell and looked into the mailbox of this vacant house across from my residence to see if the mailman put my mail in this piece of shit.
Oh you got to be kidding me.
Not only was my mail in there from the past few days, but there were also several letters addressed to that old guy I talked about in the first paragraph of this entry. And this is what our tax money is going toward? Hell, these people want to INCREASE postage yet again in order to pay for their employee’s bloated salaries and health benefits. Now you might be thinking to yourself, “kkk, maybe all the mailboxes on your street look alike. Maybe someone stole your mail and put it there.” I’m squashing these possibilities right now. The numerals to my street address are “239.” I have lived at this place since 2004. My mailbox’s look and its location haven't changed during this time. Also, included in this stack of mail is another flyer-thingy that I get every Friday, which gets folded up a particular way so that it surrounds my other correspondence for that day, too. If someone would have went through my mail for that day, the flyer would have been all out of whack and I could have been able to tell that someone was looking through my stuff. Finally, a while back my groundhog-killing neighbors had trouble with their mail delivery and they were finding their postal correspondence in the same dilapidated mailbox. And just to show you the difference between where the mailman is supposed to deliver my mail and where this government worker actually ended up doing so, here is a picture of my mailbox.
I hope the “239” isn’t tough for you to find. I guess the fact there isn’t another mailbox next to mine because my neighbor is supposed to have his mail delivered to him at his doorstep is throwing off the government worker. Then again, it was the POST OFFICE who told my neighbor that if he wanted his "doorstep" service, then he would have to take down his curb-side mailbox. OK, now here’s the mailbox I found my most of my recent correspondence in, along with that of my semi-shut-in neighbor.
And they want us to pay, starting in May of this year, 41 cents for sending out a first-class letter.
1 p.m.
• Guess the bird's biological clock was ticking.
12:30 p.m.
• So last night I was watching the NHL playoffs on Versus and I heard that the NHL reseeds its playoff tree every round, making my playoff predictions from a few days ago a moot point. What kind of hippie shit is this? I have no idea when the NHL started doing this. They could have done this from the get-go back when they went from divisional opponents for the first two rounds to conference seedings; I've said that I don't pay much attention to this kind of stuff. Since I'm on the subject, I don't like the automatic reseeding. Having just learned the NHL does this, it appers the NBA doesn't. Good. There's just something lame about reshuffling playoff brackets after each round. Let the chips fall where they may. If a conference's top seed has to play a fourth-seeded team while the second-seeded team gets to play a six-seeded team, then so be it.
Nevertheless, here are my reseeded playoff picks. My first-round picks and comments are unchanged from my first entry.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders – that one guy from Edmonton got traded over to New York for a playoff push and cried. Buffalo’s good. Buffalo in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay – Martin Brodeur is still doing his thing. It’s nice to have a good goalie this time of year. Devils in 5.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers – I have no clue who is on Atlanta’s team. The Rangers have Jagr. Rangers in 6.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh – I’ve heard some sports people say this could be the best first-round series of the lot. Uh, yay. Ottawa never seems to win in the postseason. The Penguins haven’t been to the postseason for a few years. I dunno. Senators in 7.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary – I’m sure Detroit’s pissed at losing in the first round last year. Detroit in 5.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota – I have nothing. Ducks in 6.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas – Mike Modano is still playing? Sweet. Stars in 6.
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose – The Sharks got Joe Thornton last season from the Bruins. Wait a second, Nashville traded for Petr Forsberg this year. Nashville in 7.
Second Round:
(1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5.
(4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6.
(1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5.
(4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7.
Third Round.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5.
(4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7.
Stanley Cup.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6.
Wow, my playoff tree has changed quite a bit. Do I think this will happen? Probably not. But if it does, I can come back to this and go, "OMG do you see how lame reseeding is?"
9:15 a.m.
• This joke is too easy, even for me.
• The better half went to her niece’s talent show last night. Why didn’t I go? Figure it out. Actually, I did ponder tagging along, but then I heard tickets had to be reserved in advance. On top of that, there was a fight at the in-laws’ house before the show when the brother-in-law told the mother-in-law she needs to throw out the meth-addict niece-in-law. And people wonder why I stay home.
Anyway, from what I heard of this “talent show,” I was first encouraged by the state of my local government school. Apparently, there was these two girls who went up and sang a song about JESUS CHRIST~! Good for the school for allowing this to happen. I’m just curious to know if any faggot parents are going to complain about this egregious violation of church/state separation, because you know that if one student out of 100+ sings about Jesus, that means the school will be forcing the children to read hymns the next day. While I give a thumbs up for letting two kids sing about religion, I then heard what else happened at this government school.
No talent act was to be more than two minutes. TWO MINUTES? And just what would have happened if some kid went over their allotted time – a big cane moves across the stage and yanks him or her off by the neck? They also gave trophies for all the participants at the end of the show. Now I’m not going to go “OMG everybody’s a winner/no competition will make our kids spoiled” over this, because the eternal optimist in me is hoping these were just fancy certificates of participation or something. However, trophies?
My old man likes to tell a story of my one little-league team (well, actually it was the league before little-league, where the coaches pitched to the kids, but whatever) where in the end-of-season tournament we played like a well-oiled machine against this other team and crushed them. We were destined for great things, like winning the division title, or whatever the hell it was. Then our team had to sit and watch as the opponents we just whipped got to receive their near-last-place trophies. According to my old man, everyone on my team went, “What? They got trophies?” and we tanked the next game, getting our “You don’t suck as bad as the first-round losers” trophies to display in our rooms. From there, my baseball career went rapidly downhill, and my old man would never have dreams of being parent to a major-league ballplayer. Gone were his dreams of sitting at Three Rivers Stadium/PNC Park yelling from the bleachers at me because I was putting too much weight on my left foot when I swung at off-speed pitches.
7 p.m.
• If you haven’t read today’s comment section, it looks like one of Vern’s cats will probably be passing away soon. It’s always a sad feeling when one of your pets dies, especially if he/she/it has been part of your life for a long time. Even though my three aren’t quite ready for the old feline's home, they are starting to get up there in age. Dessa is 8, JJ is 7. And while Max is probably only 4 or 5 years old, he has a few conditions that will probably shorten his life. As I’ve said before, back in 2004 our household had one kitty by the name of Shadow who died after we took him in as a stray just three years prior. While he was just with us for only a short time, he more than made his fair share of memories in our household, including this one I talked about last year.
And yes, the guy Shadow clawed up is the same “Mr. Sterile” that’s in line for a promotion to full-time janitor.
With all that being said, here are some pics of Shadow, which were taken when we lived in Ohio.
The last image when Shadow is telling JJ to step off is probably my favorite one of him, and it brings to mind a funny story. When we first moved back to Pennsylvania, we rented a duplex from my hero who employs his daughter at a shit wage and charges her rent for living in his basement apartment. Our duplex had a pretty large unfinished basement, and this was a popular hangout for Dessa, JJ and Shadow. JJ would always go down there and cry, which meant he wanted some company from his little brother. Sure enough, within seconds, Shadow would head on down to their clubhouse. Of course, many times they would end up wrestling down there, and let's just say JJ is more a lover than a fighter, which is funny because he is quite powerful (especially when he's trying to get away during his bathtime). Pretty soon the better half and I would hear JJ shrieking and screaming from the basement, and when we’d make our way downstairs JJ and Shadow would be in a stand-off with both tails puffed out and mounds of gray (read: JJ’s) fur on the floor. Dessa, of course, would have to see what was going on, and this always resulted in more growling/hissing (Dessa has never cared much for her brothers, no matter who they were). After a few squirts of a water bottle, everyone would scatter like roaches from light. Of course, minutes later JJ would go back down in the basement and start crying once again. And sure enough, we’d then see Shadow scamper across the living room on his way back to their very own Fight Club.
Hope this helps, Vern.
11 a.m.
• Well I hope they bring this asshole to justice.
The GOVERNOR was probably not wearing his seat belt?! I certainly hope he has to pay the fine associated with this intentional law-breaking. Click-it or Ticket, buddy. It's bad enough the esteemed governor of my state takes my nickname of "Fast Eddie" to a whole new level...
... and now we have another official wanting us to do as they say and not as they do.
I'm sure a lot of Yankee fans are anxious for the arrival of Phil Hughes. Seeing him pitch in Scranton, I honestly can not say I witnessed anything impressive. Hughes gave up five runs in five innings, two walks and one strikeout. I wouldn't have considered him notable if not for the name. That said, it was one start, it was cold and most of the game was played in a light rain. I don't trust performances in these conditions. For what it's worth, Hughes throws a low-90s fastball.
The game ended after seven innings due to rain. The SWB Yankees now go on the road for a week and a half, and my next live game is not for thirteen days. The next games are against the Ottawa Lynx, the new farm team of the Philadelphia Phillies.
7:30 p.m.
• So you mean to tell me you fuckin with a bald-headed, ol' fat, lumpy, droopy, crack baby look-a-like, cisco drinkin, loud, ignorant, fucked-up teeth, stank hoodrat, won't down, once-a-month bleedin, butthead swap-meet, AFDC, leaned-over tennis shoe, cigarette BUTT baggin bitch? Nigga what's wrong wit you?
6:45 p.m.
• LOL
Wait ... what?!?!
You got to be shitting me. Crystal Gail Mangum won't be facing chargers. Just who does Crystal Gail Mangum think she is? That's right, a psycho bitch that will hopefully, by year's end, be found dead in a ditch covered with blood and cum stains with enough different DNA samples that could fill Madison Square Garden.
6:30 p.m.
• OK, before anyone assumes otherwise, let me assure you – I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.
Before I begin, we need to take a time machine back to last July when I said the following. Let’s set the scene. I was at a cookout of the family of a friend of the better half. OK, here we go:
The other night we got an update on this loving couple. I’ll call the wife “Amy” and the husband “Dave.” Late last week, when Amy got her most recent bi-weekly paycheck, she went to deposit it at an ATM. When her deposit slip shot out, she noticed that the account was $600 overdrawn – and that was AFTER she made her deposit. Naturally, she was more than curious as to what was going on. She got a transaction sheet and noticed that there was a really, really big withdraw to the account that went to pay off a credit card this couple owns. She got a transaction record of this credit card and discovered the following.
1) A bill for a round-trip airline ticket to and from Australia.
2) A bill for two a two-week stay at a nearby hotel.
Figure it out.
Needless to say, Amy is getting a divorce attorney. Oh, and Amy just found out that Dave quit his job in November and they have been without health insurance for the last four months. Did I mention Amy is a diabetic? Now while I could understand to some degree Amy not knowing right away about her lesser half’s employment situation – she works a first-shift job while Dave’s job was second-shift, so he could just leave the house and shack up with chicks from Down Under until his make-believe shift was over – I can’t for the life of me wonder how she couldn’t notice something was odd when his PAYCHECKS weren’t BEING DEPOSITED in their BANK ACCOUNT. But whatever, it’s not my life.
Oh, yeah. When Amy confronted Dave on all of this, his only response so far has been to accuse Mrs. kkk’s friend of trying to break them up. How was the better half’s friend doing this? By going out socially with Amy and trying to hook her up with guys. How dare these two bitches go out in public.
But you want to know my favorite part of this story? Let me go back to last year’s entry.
Due to her recent life situation, Amy has moved in with the better half’s friend. And what is the father of Mrs. kkk’s friend doing? He’s increasing his daughter's rent by $200 per month. Have I mentioned lately how much in awe am I of this guy?
You want boring baseball? Come see the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees. The Yankees as a successful organization preach plate discipline throughout their system. Last night some poor defense led to a five-run third inning from the Richmond Braves, and the Braves added two more in the fourth. With the game effectively out of reach at this point, you hope to see the teams play to the end in a crisp manner. To say these teams limped to the finish line is an understatement. To give you an idea of the fashion of the game, the Yankees batted 42 times and just eight of them swung at the first pitch. When it is in the neighborhood of 35-40 degrees out, you have little patience for wasted time.
Phil Hughes tonight.
One of the troubling aspects of professional sports in the last twenty years ago is the rush for profits. Inevitably it would filter down to the minor leagues, as operators realize there is more money out there. It is great for the bottom line and well-heeled fans, but for the average fan it creates a more sterile environment. Last year you could go to a Red Barons game, buy a ticket at the window and sit up close. This year the team has sold out the entire lower deck for season tickets. With so many tickets sold in advance, the team has no need to offer giveaway items. At the concessions, more prepackaged food (and more expensive at that). You go into the park and you watch a game, but you don't feel a part of it anymore. And really, with all the money coming in it's hard to blame them. But it makes me less enthusiastic to attend games. I don't know if it's the extreme cold or the pace, but these games have not been fun at all.
6 p.m.
• The NHL playoffs are just hours away, so it’s time to make some pickkks. Let’s see, the only NHL players I recognize are those that played in the early 1990s. Oh this should be fun.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders – that one guy from Edmonton got traded over to New York for a playoff push and cried. Buffalo’s good. Buffalo in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay – Martin Brodeur is still doing his thing. It’s nice to have a good goalie this time of year. Devils in 5.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers – I have no clue who is on Atlanta’s team. The Rangers have Jagr. Rangers in 6.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh – I’ve heard some sports people say this could be the best first-round series of the lot. Uh, yay. Ottawa never seems to win in the postseason. The Penguins haven’t been to the postseason for a few years. I dunno. Senators in 7.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary – I’m sure Detroit’s pissed at losing in the first round last year. Detroit in 5.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota – I have nothing. Ducks in 6.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas – Mike Modano is still playing? Sweet. Stars in 6.
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose – The Sharks got Joe Thornton last season from the Bruins. Wait a second, Nashville traded for Petr Forsberg this year. Nashville in 7.
Second Round:
Buffalo beats Ottawa in 6.
Jersey beats Rangers in 4.
Detroit beats Nashville in 7.
Anaheim beats Dallas in 5.
Third Round.
Jersey beats Buffalo in 7.
Detroit beats Anaheim in 6.
Stanley Cup.
Detroit beats Jersey in 6.
Can’t wait to see how off I am with these.
1 p.m.
• Don't you know that distributing hot cross buns is one of the worst things you can do to Muslim male?
Uh, um. Well, I guess it's not. One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns.
11:30 a.m.
• Not allowing a Coretta Scott King portrait at the Georgia State Capitol. It's a lot like Hitler Imus.
10 a.m.
• Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
#10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
#9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
#8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
#7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
#6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
#5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
#4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
#3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
#2 - When they crash their cars, they bail and run.
#1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.
Oh it's the time of year again where idiots like me waste an entire weekend watching the most boring possible thing to watch in sports, the NFL Draft, but for someone reason we just can't turn away. So in honor of this I'll do what I did last year and take a look back at the 1st Rounds of a few drafts of the past providing zero analysis and bad jokes. Here were the ones I did last year:
1990
1993
1983
1995
This year I picked 1986 to start as the #1 pick didn't even sign and it was quite the draft for my 49ers but they had no 1st round pick so I won't be talking about it.
1. Tampa Bay - Bo Jackson, RB, Auburn
No we are well aware that it is not unheard of for #1 picks to whine their way into the trade like John Elway and Eli Manning but for one to not sign at all? Only the 80's Bucs could have pulled off such a feat. Jackson decided he'd rather play baseball for the Royals, who weren't a joke back then, than for the sorry Bucs. The Raiders would then steal him in the 7th round the following year where he'd play partial seasons for them for four years before suffering a career ending hip injury in the playoffs following the 1990 season.
2. Atlanta - Tony Casillas, DT, Oklahoma
Solid but never a standout player for 12 years, best known for winning two Super Bowls with the Cowboys.
3. Houston - Jim Everett, QB, Purdue
Always seemed like an odd pick as Houston of course already had Warren Moon, Everett never signed and his rights were eventually traded to the Rams. Dubbed the "Quarterback of the 90's", no I'm not making that up, after two very good years in 1988 & 1989 but a complete ass beating at the hands of the 49ers in the '89 NFC Championship Game seemed to shake his confidence and he never lived up the hype.
4. Indianapolis - John Hand, DE, Alabama
Another solid but unspectacular top 5 pick, had 10 sacks in 1989.
5. St. Louis - Anthony Bell, LB, Michigan State
A bad pick by the Cardinals? A shocking development to say the least.
6. New Orleans - Jim Dombrowski, T, Virginia
Primarily a guard in the NFL, started every game for the Saints between 1988 and 1995.
7. Kansas City - Brian Jozwiak, T, West Virginia
Bust, lasted three years and never made a start.
8. San Diego - Leslie O'Neal, DE, Oklahoma State
Would win Defensive Rookie of the Year after registering 12.5 sacks, finished with 132.5 career sacks and was selected to six Pro Bowls.
9. Pittsburgh - John Rienstra, G, Temple
"The Raging Rhino" lasted seven years, almost exclusively as a back up.
10. Philadelphia - Keith Byars, RB, Ohio State
Made a name for himself as superb receiver out of the backfield, eventually moving to tight end later in his career. Finished with 610 career receptions.
11. Cincinnati - Joe Kelly, LB, Washington
Played 11 years but hell if I remember him. I'll just assume announcers always called him "Jim" by accident.
12. Detroit - Chuck Long, QB, Iowa
Lions probably should never take a quarterback in the 1st round ever again. Maybe that's why Millen always takes receivers. 64.5 career passing rating.
13. San Diego - James Fitzpatrick, T, USC
Chargers didn't fair nearly as well with their second pick of the 1st round. Lasted six years, did nothing of note.
14. Minnesota - Gerald Robinson, DE, Auburn
Total non-descript career only playing two years with the Vikings.
15. Seattle - John L. Williams, RB, Florida
I guess this was the year for drafting receiving backs as John L. had 546 career receptions and made two Pro Bowls as a fullback.
16. Buffalo - Ronnie Harmon, RB, Iowa
Holy crap, had to be more receptions by running backs than any other draft. Harmon had 582 career receptions, better known for his days in San Diego.
17. Atlanta - Tim Green, LB, Syracuse
Better known now as an announcer and writing a lot of bad novels.
18. Dallas - Mike Sherrard, WR, UCLA
Suffered a badly broken leg in a scrimmage before the 1987 season, he wouldn't play a down again until 1990 making a comeback as third receiver with the 49ers and Giants.
19. N.Y. Giants - Eric Dorsey, DE, Notre Dame
7 sacks in seven years.
20. Buffalo - Will Wolford, T, Vanderbilt
Very good tackle for the majority of his 13 years, made three Pro Bowls.
21. Cincinnati - Tim McGee, WR, Tennessee
One very good year in 1989, but merely decent the rest.
22. N.Y. Jets - Mike Haight, T, Iowa
Haight wasn't even considered a lock to get drafted at all so this was your typical Jets' 1st round pick. Did last 7 years though.
23. L.A. Rams - Mike Schad, T, Queens University
That's Queens University in Ontario, Canada and was the first Canadian university player to ever be picked in the 1st round and did nothing to make his country proud after that.
24. L.A. Raiders - Bob Buczkowski, DE, Pittsburgh
Who are you to doubt the scouting genius that is Al Davis? Played a total of two games for the Raiders.
25. Tampa Bay - Rod Jones, CB, SMU
Hey at least the Bucs signed him. Did play 11 years, mainly as a back up.
26. New England - Reggie Dupard, RB, SMU
Hey he's a running back from SMU so he must be another Eric Dickerson! Um, not quite. 704 career rushing yards.
27. Chicago - Neal Anderson, RB, Florida
Had the misfortune of having to replace Walter Payton but he did a fairly good job with three straight 1,000 yard years from 1988 to 1990.
Other Players of Note
34. Houston - Ernest Givens, WR, Louisville
43. Cleveland - Webster Slaughter, WR, San Diego State
50. L.A. Rams - Tom Newberry, G, Wisconsin-La Crosse
51. N.Y. Giants - Pepper Johnson, LB, Ohio State
56. San Francisco - Tom Rathman, RB, Nebraska
60. New Orleans - Pat Swilling, LB, Georgia Tech
67. Pittsburgh - Bubby Brister, QB, NE Louisiana
76. San Francisco - John Taylor, WR, Delaware State
78. Cincinnati - David Fulcher, S, Arizona State
84. Green Bay - Tim Harris, DE, Memphis State
96. San Fancisco - Charles Haley, DE, James Madison
101. San Francisco - Steve Wallace, T, Auburn
102. San Francisco - Kevin Fagan, DE, Miami
135. Pittsburgh - Brent Jones, TE, Santa Clara
146. Washington - Mark Rypien, QB, Washington State
162. San Francisco - Don Griffin, CB, Middle Tennessee State
208. Philadelphia - Seth Joyner, LB, UTEP
213. Washington - Kurt Gouveia, LB, BYU
233. Philadelphia - Clyde Simmons, DE, Western Carolina
254. St. Louis - Vai Sikahema, KR, BYU
