Mr. S£im Citrus

Author's note: this promo takes place between SJL Wrath and SWF Smarkdown: ========= Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous are sitting in the business-class compartment of Delta Flight 626, nonstop to Tokyo, Japan. Johnny squirms nervously in his seat as he glances at his former tag team partner, who is currently looking out the window. “We’ve got to get this thing between us hashed out,” Johnny thinks to himself. “Might as well do it now, while we’re not going anywhere.” “Nic, I –” UGH! Just as Johnny opens his mouth, he hears a loud groan from his right. Wildchild suddenly leans forward, holding on to his injured ribs in pain. “I—” Wildchild reaches down into his travel bag to retrieve a bottle of pain medication. At that moment, a sudden surge of guilt sends a wave of nausea through the Barracuda. “I— I gotta go to the bathroom!” Johnny quickly gets up from his seat and rushes to the lavatory as an oblivious Wildchild ingests a couple of pain pills. MINTUES LATER… After wiping his face with a wet paper towel, Johnny stares at his reflection in the mirror. “Get a hold of yourself, Johnny,” he mutters to himself. “Dammit, man, you’re a secret agent! You know better than to let your emotions get the better of you!” The Barracuda closes his eyes in an attempt to gain control over his emotions, but his mind’s eye shows him images of Genesis, forcing him to relive the memories of him assaulting his former best friend with a lead pipe, beating him until he had to be taken out of the arena in an ambulance. <Flashback> “You want to feel pain, huh,” shouts Johnny. “You don’t know from pain, Dominic! But, believe me, you’re about to…” CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! The Barracuda raises the pipe above his head with both hands and lowers it repeatedly into Wildchild’s ribs! Gus the cameraman captures the heinous scene as Ben Hardy races down the corridor in search of help! Dangerous reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a set of handcuffs, binding Wildchild’s hands behind his back. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Dangerous continues to thrash Wildchild’s midsection mercilessly, now delivering brutal punt kicks into his ribs. The helpless Bahama Bomber, by now unconscious, is unable to protect his body, and suffers the full impact of Johnny’s assault. <End Flashback> Johnny’s eyes snap back open as he finds himself staring at his reflection once more, realizing that he has been crying. Reaching up with his hand, he wipes his eyes, before tightening the grip on the paper towel. “I gotta put this right,” Johnny says to himself. “I gotta make this up to him!” The Barracuda composes himself before exiting the lavatory, where he squeezes his way past the irritated passengers who have been waiting for him to come out. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly. Steeling himself one final time, Johnny returns to his seat. “I can do this,” he says to himself. “I can do this! “Nic, I—” ZZZZZZ! As Johnny reaches his seat, he finds Wildchild knocked out, put to sleep by his pain medication. “Damn,” he says to himself. Sighing out of frustration, the Barracuda sits down. As he looks at his former tag team partner, that familiar feeling of guilt begins to once again well up inside him. Just then, the flight attendant makes her way down the aisle. “Anything to drink, sir?” “Err, just water, please,” replies Johnny. “I’m… uhh… having a little motion sickness…”

You're return?

And you are? Oh yeah; you're that guy who used to be the best HC champion in the fed's history.

Fair enough; I don't think I can actually name one other writer, besides myself, who would rather be LHW Champion than the world champion.

I resent being indirectly (intentionally or otherwise) lumped in with "aimless" writers; my aim is very specific, and isn't a secret to anybody.

Eh, screw the US Title, too. I guess I'll just hold on to this one until you guys change your mind... Not main event material, huh? That's cool. I guess I'll content myself with being the RVD of the fed...

Uh... what do you mean by "above the title?" I'd like to consider WC to be as good as Ejiro, at least from a kayfabe standpoint, and I certainly don't consider myself above the title!

I'd drop the Hardcore Title in a second if the LHW division were re-instated.

I would like my name changed to: Mr. S£im Citrus

Author's note: This promo takes place approximately 40 minutes after "Progress Report:" ==== Johnny Dangerous is stretching out in a locker room, waiting for Wildchild to arrive so that they can begin practicing for their tag match on Smarkdown. He turns his head sharply as the door opens and Wildchild comes in, dragging a television set behind him. “Dominic,” says Johnny. “Before we start practicing, I was hoping we could talk. You know… about…” Wildchild interrupts him. “No time. We’ve got somet’in' else t'worry about.” Johnny raises an eyebrow in surprise. “What’s the TV for?” Wildchild plugs the television into the wall, and pulls a video cassette out of his gym bag. “You’re gon’ want t’see dis.” MINUTES LATER… “Those bastards,” grumbles Johnny. "How did you get this tape, anyway?" "Pete sent it to Stevens," replies Wildchild. "An' he gave it t'me." "Should have known it would have come to this," growls Johnny, his anger rising. "How did they even land those jobs in the first place?" "I don' know," replies Wildchild, "An' I don' care. But I’m sick an’ tired of dese two runnin’ dere mouths. We can’t let dem get away with dis, anymore.” Johnny nods in agreement. “Yeah, no shit. When we get to Tokyo, I’m gonna…” “Hey,” says Wildchild. “Who says we gotta wait until we get to Tokyo?” Johnny looks puzzled. “What do you mean?” Wildchild breaks into his trademark grin. “Can you afford a ticket to Detroit?”

Louisville Courier-Journal.com: Inmate at women's prison is discovered to be a man Wow. Just... wow...

Unless it's a revolver, Taylor shouldn't even be competitive in this match.

*KNOCK, KNOCK* Wildchild cracks open the door to the Commissioner's office and sticks his head in. "You busy?" Mark Stevens leans back in his chair with a smile. "Wildchild! Come on in; I was hoping you'd pop in." Wildchild blinks. "You... you were?" Mark grins sheepishly. "Call it a hunch. But, first things first; what's on your mind?" Wildchild walks into the office, carrying an manilla folder, and drops it on the Commissioner's desk. "Medical progress report. Doc says I'm probably gon' have t'wear dat t'ing another couple weeks." Mark nods. "I appreciate you competing back on Storm; I know how upset you were when you had to have your title stripped back in April, but I couldn't exactly make you compete while you're in your current condition." The Bahama Bomber rubs the back of his head. "Oui. Duran put me through de ringer..." He breaks into his trademark grin. "But I've had it worse." "Glad to hear it," says Mark. "I also wanted to ask you about dat issue we discussed last week." Mark shakes his head. "Sorry kid; the board voted it down. They said it's not in the best interests of the fed to reinstate the LHW title right now; not financially viable, they said." If Wildchild is upset, he does his best to conceal it. He with a smile, he says, "I guess I'm gon' have t'hold on t' dis belt for a while." "Aren't you interested in advancing to a higher division?" Wildchild shrugs. "Back when I was wrestling for Sunshine, de t'ing that attracted me to de SWF was de LHW title. When Pete came down t' talk t'me about joining de SWF, dat was de only t'ing on my mind. Needless t'say, when I finally got bumped, and de LHW title had been retired, I was a little bit... disappointed." "Sorry about that, kid," Mark says. "There were just barely enough wrestlers in the weight class to keep it competitive, and after King took over... well, let's just say that trashing the LHW title was on his short list." *SIGH* Wildchild runs a hand through his hair. "Mark, I respect de history of dis fed, and I respect de World Title, but it just isn't part of my ambition. My goal for coming here to de SWF was to establish myself as de greatest light-heavyweight in wrestling." Mark leans back in his chair, tilting his head slightly to the side. "Well, you know that you don't necessarily have to be the LHW champion to be the best LHW in wrestling. Take a page from ELM's book!" Wildchild frowns, but does not appear to have dismissed the matter outright. "I'll t'ink it over." "Glad to hear it," says Mark. "Now, about Smarkdown..." At this, Wildchild flinches, and unconsciously starts massaging his ribs. "Are you sure dis is a good idea?" Mark's eyes widen in surprise. "This isn't what you wanted? I mean, after Lockdown, I guess I sort of assumed that..." The Bahama Bomber shakes his head slightly. "Old habits die hard, I guess. I mean, I didn't want to see Duran flatten him, but we haven't exactly buried the hatchet... not since he tried to bury a lead pipe into my ribcage..." Mark frowns at this. "Look, Wildchild; we both know that Johnny was a jerk to you. Hell, I was a jerk myself, and I'm sorry. As far as I've seen, he seems to be sincere about making it up to you. Don't you think that you should at least try to get some closure between the two of you, if nothing else?" Wildchild lowers his head. "Oui. He did save me from Justice Rule the other night; I guess I at least owe him a talk." "Good idea," says Mark. "Besides, while you two are getting ready for your match on Smarkdown," he slides an envelope across the desk, "you should have plenty of time to talk about this." The envelope has a slight bulge, about the size of a video cassette. Wildchild looks down it with a puzzled expression. "And what is dis?" Mark looks at Wildchild with a thoughtful expression. "Pete sent that to me yesterday, express mail. It's a transcript of the last episode of Metal, along with a cassette of some activity that took place after the show went off the air." Wildchild opens up the envelope and peers inside. Noticing a post-it note stuck to the side of the cassette tape, he pulls it out to look at it. As he reads the note, his eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot to the top of his forehead in a mixture of surprise and anger. "Do you mind if I..." Mark shakes his head. "That's your copy to keep. I figured that it would be of particular interest to you..." Wildchild nods. "Merci. If you'll excuse me, I think I need to go find Johnny." Mark nods and Wildchild turns around absentmindedly, re-reading the note as he walks out of the Commissioner's office. Mark rests his elbows against his desk, leaning his chin on his fingertips. "Well," he thinks to himself, "I'll say one thing for this job: it's never boring."

That's not exactly "truth in advertising," is it? Ho. Lee. Shit.

Sorry, TBS, you would have been much higher, but Annie and Janus both got the "surprise" pop.

SWF Lockdown HOLT Report November 5, 2003 Honolulu, HI, at Stan Sheriff Center Report by Joshuaa Strong of Pearl Harbor, HI, Smartmarks.com reader Pretty good show; I had ringside seats. This ended up being a kind of bittersweet night for me, but I’ll get to that a little later… Dark Matches: - Thoth beat Brian Bowers in 5:20. There was a funny sequence where Thoth went for the Scum Gale off the top turnbuckle, which I think was supposed to be the finish, but he accidentally got his leg strap stuck on the turnbuckle pad. Bowers did a good job of covering it up, with an impressive impromptu counter into a Northern Spike, which Thoth proceeded to no-sell. Thoth ended up winning with Riot of the Blood. - CIA beat Craig Mclennan in a 1:13 squash with the Via Rail. Afterwards, CIA got a hold of the microphone and swore that he was going to go to Ashes 2 Ashes and give the crowd a show they wouldn’t soon forget. - Dante Crane and Crow beat Viktor Tarakanov and “Suicidal” Jay Freeman in 9:33, when Crow beat Freeman with Natural Born Chaos. Afterwards, a furious Tarakanov killed Freeman dead with the Bolshevik Revolution. Tarakanov was about to give him another one, when Crow and Dante made the save. But, instead of just letting Freeman go, they hit him with Total Elimination, which got a good pop from the crowd. Lockdown: - After Taylor’s speech before Lockdown officially went on the air, all the late arrivals started filing in. There was this REALLY hot wahine who sat down next to me. She didn’t strike me as the type of girl who likes wrestling, but who’s complaining, right? I spent most of the night trying to put the moves on her. - Bastion stayed down on the canvas for almost a minute after Judge left the ring. When Kivell finally woke him up, he fucking SNAPPED! He hit Kivell with the Third Offense, and then threw him out of the ring! EMT’s had to come down and assist Kivell backstage, and Hardcastle was sent out to referee the next match. - The crowd just about shit a brick when Janus came out of the back of that semi! Those two had an insanely intense match, and every one loved the moment after the match where the two hugged in the ring. - After the Dangerous/Duran match, there was an intermission, where Funyon got in the ring and shilled some merchandise. He then announced that they were going to be giving away some t-shirts, and suddenly, “I Get Wet” came on! The whole crowd went crazy and stated a “We Want Annie” chant as Annie Eclectic came down to ringside, armed with one of those pneumatic t-shirt guns. She challenged the crowd to get as loud as they could, and shot t-shirts over to the side that got the loudest, and I gotta tell you, that place was ROCKIN’. Annie looked to be in great shape, like the time off had done her a world of good. She said she was looking for someone to show her around Waikiki, and she started scanning the crowd until she stopped on my side of the ring. She got out of the ring, and I thought she was going to come over to me, but instead she went over to the hottie that was sitting next to me! Annie whispered something into her ear, and then pulled her over the barricade and took her backstage! The crowd went crazy over that, but I was standing there feeling a little embarrassed. - The ring crew spent the whole break after the Ejiro/Strangler match cleaning up all the blood; I still don’t know how the two of them made it back to the back without a transfusion! - Funyon got in the ring after the Williams/Va’aiga match and announced that Kivell had been taken to St. Francis Medical Center, but that he should be fine to officiate the next SWF event. Referee Eddy Long came down to the ring for the Main Event. - After the main event, ringside turned into a giant clusterfuck: Taylor stood in the ring gloating over his victory, and was standing on the middle turnbuckle facing the crowd, when Flesher got up off the mat and pulled him down! Flesher was whaling on Taylor something awful, when Craven came back down to the ring. The two of them were starting to get the better of Flesher, when Strangler came down to make the save. They sent Craven and Taylor packing, and stood in the ring together long after Craven and Taylor ran back stage. They posed in the ring for a few minutes and then went backstage. - Funyon got into the ring and thanked us for the great turnout, and promised that the SWF would return to Hawaii soon. Biggest Pops 1. Annie 2. Janus 3. Flesher 4. Strangler 5. Wildchild Most Heat 1. Taylor 2. Va’aiga 3. Ejiro 4. Judge Mental 5. Craven

I get it, but I don't really get it... What did all this "furry" nonsense derive from?

How long has Tony Schiavone been calling Hawks games?

What's with guys who don't even bother to write showing up and talking shit?

Bastion vs Judge Mental - Bastion doesn't seem to like matches with short word limits, but neither does Judge. Given their respective personalities, they're also both liable to perceive this as a "punishment" match, for whatever reason. In which case, I see Judge as being the... least unmotivated to write something. WINNAH: Judge Hearford Dace vs ??? - ??? Has the best record in the history of the SWF. Dace is getting the Bah Gawg~! push, but only an idiot would bet against ??? WINNAH: ??? Johnny Dangerous vs "The Sinner" John Duran - Duran appears to be in a rut, and Johnny is starting to work the kinks out of his writing style. Plus, Johnny has the champion's momentum, sooo.... WINNAH: Johnny Dangerous Chain Match Ejiro Fasaki vs The Boston Strangler - In a brawl, you take the brawler. However, comma, Strangler seems to have adopted a "too proud to fight" mentality. If Strangler gets his mad on, Ejiro doesn't stand a chance. If he doesn't... WINNAH: Push Va'aiga vs Danny Williams - This match should be on A2A; A shame to blow the wad here. Danny's a better writer than Va'aiga, but my gut says he's going to put his former pupil over. WINNAH: Va'aiga (in Danny's match) MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Erek Taylor vs Michael Craven vs Wildchild vs ..."The Superior One" Tom Flesher - You're kidding, right? I mean, I don't know how well I stack up against Erek, but Craven is the only writer in the SWF that I've written against more than once without ever having beaten. And, I'm clearly not on Flesher's level... but that's okay, since I'll always be more over... WINNAH: Flesher... who then picks me, just to piss me off.

SWF Lockdown - Wednesday, November 5th! Due Date: Wednesday, 10pm EST. Venue: Stan Sherriff Center, Honolulu, Hawaii. Bastion vs Judge Mental Dace vs ??? Johnny Dangerous vs "The Sinner" John Duran Chain Match Ejiro Fasaki vs The Boston Strangler Va'aiga vs Danny Williams MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Erek Taylor vs Michael Craven vs Wildchild vs ..."The Superior One" Tom Flesher

*sigh* Well, at any rate, significant updates have been made to my stats. Writers, kindly take note.

You... bastard...

That Va'aiga is one bad man; kick his ass, Danny! And Duran? D-d-d-d-don't t-t-t-t-take t-t-t-t-t-this a-a-a-a-a-a-ass-whippin p-p-p-p-p-p-personally. 6 successful title defenses? That's got to be close to a record of some kind. Where's LDP when you need him?

SWF Storm HOLT report November 1, 2003 Ames, IA at Five Seasons Center Report by Justin Carmody of Zion, IL, Smartmarks.com reader This show was surprisingly good, considering the matches announced for the card. The Five Seasons only seats about four thousand people, but it was absolutely PACKED! Dark Matches: - Landon Maddix upset Xcalibur in 7:18. This was a very good opener. Maddix and Xcalibur went through a countering sequence that brought the crowd out of their seats, and ended when Landon countered the Triple Crown into The Nose Job. Maddix won with the Crash Landon. - Todd Royal came down to the ring and grabbed the microphone from Funyon. He started going on about how the JLCC was holding him down, and vowed, by the Grace of Todd, that he would make his way to the SWF, where he would deliver us all from evil. At that point, “Gotta Get Away” kicks off, and Insane Luchador comes running down to the ring. This is the first time IL’s been in Ames since he won the JL title, so he got a pretty good pop. They had an impromptu match, which IL won with the Brink of Insanity in about 9 minutes. - Quiz beat English Dragon in 5:38. Afterwards, he got on the microphone and announced that he was dedicating his victory to the late, great Rod Roddy. STORM: Comet came out and sang the National Anthem. Afterwards, Riley came down and took the microphone. He ran down an overweight kid in the front row, gaining some cheap heat from the audience. He then insulted the audience in general and called Iowa the armpit of America, which led to the crowd breaking into a “RILEY SUCKS” chant, which quickly turned into a “RILEY SUCKS… DICK” chant. - All throughout the Taylor/Drazon match, the crowd kept up a “TAYLOR SUCKS” chant. I swear, that guy gets more heat than he has any right to. - During the tag team match, every time Strangler was in the ring, the crowd chanted, “KICK TAYLOR’S ASS!” After the match, and after the EMT’s had taken Dace to the back, Danny stormed down to the ring, demanding that Va’aiga return and face him immediately, but Va’aiga never came back. Danny stood out there for the entire break, and the crowd was chanting “VA-ING-GUH SUCKS!” the entire time. - After the Hardcore title match, Johnny Dangerous picked Wildchild’s chest protector up off the ground and went into the ring with it. There was an awkward moment between the two of them as Johnny attempted to give him his chest protector back. Wildchild finally took it from him, though, and even let Johnny raise his hand in victory but then when “In Da Club” started to play, Wildchild left the ring suddenly, leaving Johnny standing there by himself. - After the show went off the air, Johnny Dangerous ran back down to the ring and tried to take on Justice and Rule by himself. They got the better of him and were about to set him up for the Gavel Bang, but Wildchild came back down, armed with a kendo stick, to make the save! The crowd erupted as Wildchild and Johnny stood in the ring, staring out at the tag champs, daring them to get back in the ring. After Justice and Rule went to the back, “In Da Club” came back on, and this time Wildchild stuck around for a few minutes to pose with Johnny, but they still ended up leaving separately. Funyon thanked us for coming out and being such a great crowd, and that was pretty much it. Biggest Pops: 1. Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous posing. 2. Danny Williams 3. Strangler 4. Insane Luchador 5. Landon Maddix Most Heat: 1. Erek Taylor 2. Justice & Rule 3. Va’aiga 4. Bobby Riley 5. Todd Royal