Mr. S£im Citrus

*WHEW!* Sorry, Slow; no default win for you today...

I'm guessing you meant "their" face, but anyway In my opinion it's much better for a noted comedian/talkshow-host to actually mock celebrities to their face, rather than those who make fun of celebs when they're not around, but then act all buddy-buddy when the same celeb is in their presence/on their show :: coughjaylenocough ::

You match is finished four days early... ... You're going to look awfully silly when you don't win...

... Muzz is beingz teh confusingz...

SWF "Lockdown" HOLT report December 5, 2003 Topeka, Kansas at Landon Arena Report by William Gaylor of Oklahoma City, OK Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - “Live Wire” Sean Casey beat Charismatic Kev in 1:22 with the Aftershock. - “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins beat Jimmy “The Demon” Liston in 4:37 with the Ratings Grabber. - Stryke beat Manson in 4:45. Manson was in control of the match until Stryke reversed a Fisherman’s Suplex attempt into a swinging DDT. Stryke went on to win with the Low End Theory. - Mike Van Siclen beat Landon Maddix in 6:05 with the Cardinal Sin Clutch. - SJL World Champion Todd Royal beat Dominic Korgath in 16:56 to retain the SJL World Title. After the match, Korgath got on the mic and announced that he was retiring from active competition in the SJL. In a rare breaking of kayfabe, he thanked the SJL bookers for giving him the opportunity to show what he had to offer, and he gave a special thank you to the fans for making all the sacrifices he made to be a wrestler worth it, and said that even though we always booed him, he always enjoyed coming out and giving us the best show possible. We gave him maybe a 30-second standing ovation, and broke into a brief “Korgath” chant. - This was a very good undercard, and got the crowd really amped up for “Lockdown!” “Lockdown”: - I don’t know about anyone else, but my ticket read “Storm.” I was totally confused until Funyon got in the ring before the show, and explained the whole mess with the trucks and stage equipment and stuff, and that this was going to be a “Special Edition” of Lockdown. He also announced that Duran had been suspended for two weeks without pay for his assault on Matthew Kivell back on Smarkdown, and Mark Stevens was deciding whether or not Duran was going to be subjected to any further disciplinary action. - It took nearly a minute after the show went to commercial to get Dace and Charlie Matthews off the stage. Horrorcore refused to leave until after Matthews had gone backstage, as if he wanted to get the last word. - After that, they had an intermission where they held a contest to give away two tickets to Clusterfuck. Crow was brought in to be the Emcee, and I think he was being totally biased, because he gave the tickets to a goth chick in the front row. - Funyon got into the ring before the Thugg/Craven match and announced that Thugg would no longer answer to “HVille Thugg,” and that he is to be referred to now only as “Thugg,” or “HVT.” This, of course, led to a small segment of the crowd chanting “H-Ville” for almost a full minute before Craven even came out! Biggest Pops 1) Mak Francis 2) Tom Flesher 3) Dace Night 4) Strangler 5) Dominic Korgath Most Heat 1) Ejiro Fasaki 2) HVT 3) Erek Taylor 4) Judge Hearford 5) Charlie Matthews

About 12-14 hours, if they can get a non-stop flight.

Uhh... did we decide to skip Storm altogether?

SWF Smarkdown HOLT report December 1, 2003 Chicago, IL at United Center Report by Dennis Tarwood of Glenview, IL, Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - SJL European Champion Alan Clark beat Aecas in 4:13 in a non-title match by count-out. - Linchpin beat Mike Van Siclen in 7:22. There was a wicked spot where Van Siclen went for a moonsault, and Linchpin caught him coming down with a Mafia Kick! Linchpin won shortly after that with his patented “52” Shining Wizard. - Annie “Ichiban” Onita beat Nielsen of the Jungle in a No-DQ “Falls Count Anywhere” match in 18:36. This was an absolute bloodbath that went all over the ringside area. Annie won with the Hollowpoint Driver through a table. Afterwards, Annie posed in the ring for the crowd, who gave her a pretty good ovation. Smarkdown: - Comet sang the National Anthem, as usual. - Duran was furious when he came to, attacking referee Matthew Kivell and hitting him with the Break Point. A bunch of referees and officials had to come from the back to get Duran off of him, and escort him backstage. Nick Soapdish was called out to officiate the next match. - New Chicago Bull Jerome Williams was in attendance; he was wearing a Wildchild t-shirt. During the intermission, Grand Slam presented his with a signed replica of the SWF World Heavyweight Championship. - Thugg got a very mixed reaction tonight; I think the crowd isn’t sure whether they’re supposed to be cheering him or booing him, and it was clear that, while he’ll always have his loyal “li’l Thuggs,” there were quite a few people booing just as loud as the cheers. - Janus came down to the ring after the Main Event to celebrate with Dace. They got a HUGE “Trinity” chant going. Biggest Pops 1) Dace Night 2) Annie Onita 3) Xstasy 4) Linchpin 5) HVille Thugg Most Heat 1) John Duran 2) Erek Taylor 3) Ejiro Fasaki 4) HVille Thugg 5) Charlie Matthews

KNOCK, KNOCK! “Come in.” SWF Commissioner Mark Stevens looks up from his desk to see Wildchild walking into his office, holding his chest protector in one hand, and an envelope in the other. “Wildchild! To what do I owe the pleasure?” The Bahama Bomber places the envelope on Mark’s desk and slides it across. “Thought you’d want to know dat I was declared fit for full duty; I don’ need dis t’ing anymore.” With that, he places the chest protector on the desk as well. “Great news,” says Stevens. “So, the ribs are completely healed, then?” Wildchild pats his side. “Dere as good as dere gon’ get; I been takin’ bumps, so dere good enough.” Mark breaks into a smile. “Outstanding! So, are we going to see you in the World Title hunt anytime soon?” Wildchild’s face screws into an awkward frown. “I’m still t’inkin’ bout dat. I’m pretty happy wit de hardware I got right now.” Mark nods his head slightly. “I can appreciate that. But, aren’t you at all interested in seeing how high you can go in this business?” Wildchild shrugs, the frown still on his face. “Like I tol’ you before, I didn’ come to dis company t’be de best wressler; I came t’be de best cruiserweight. An, wit de LHW title outta commission, winnin’ any other belts isn’ exactly a gots t’have situation.” “I remember you saying that,” replies Stevens, “and I hope you remember me saying that you don’t have to be the Light-Heavyweight Champion to be the best cruiserweight in the company; in fact, a lot of people feel that you are already.” Mark appears to consider continuing down this path, but instead decides to change the subject. “How about the tag team titles, then? Now that you’ve finally gotten the proverbial monkey off your back with Ejiro, have you given any thought to challenging them for the tag belts?” The frown remains. “I haven’ really given any thought to doin’ de tag team t’ing again. Not since what happened wit me an’ my last partner.” Stevens looks surprised. “You mean that you and Johnny haven’t gotten back together?” The Bahama Bomber shakes his head. Mark runs his hand through his hair. “Sorry, Wildchild; I guess that after the last couple of months, and at Ashes 2 Ashes, I just assumed…” “It’s… complicated.” Wildchild squirms uneasily, shuffling his feet against the carpeted floor. “I can’t jus forgive him for what he did to me.” “Well, you seem to have forgiven everyone else involved; you forgave me!” “… Wit you it was jus a misunderstandin’.” Mark scratches his head. “Wasn’t it a misunderstanding with Johnny? I mean, he only accused you because he had received bad information.” At this, Wildchild’s head snaps up sharply, the pain evident in his eyes. “He didn’ even give me de courtesy of asking me!” Stevens shakes his head. “He wasn’t allowed to, Wildchild; he’s a secret agent. As hard as it may be to believe, he’s probably been put in that situation dozens of times before; he has to believe that his information is accurate. For all he knew, you were really a drug dealer.” “…” “And,” continues Stevens, “that doesn’t change the fact that NONE of us gave you the benefit of the doubt; none of us wanted to believe you. So, why were you so willing to forgive us, and not him?” “None of de res’ of you caused me any harm,” replies Wildchild. Mark betrays himself by letting go of a small laugh. “I seem to recall choking you out and slamming you against a wall…” “Maybe,” relies Wildchild, “but dat pain went away. Johnny broke my ribs!” “But… you’re ribs are healed now, right?” “…” “Look,” says Mark, “All I’m saying is that Johnny knows that he made a mistake, and he’s tried to make reparation for it. He has apologized to you, publicly and privately, hasn’t he?” Wildchild nods. “And he has since come to your aid when you were in trouble, even though you hadn’t asked for his help, yes?” *nods* “And, on the occasions that the two of you have been made to team together, he’s proven to you that he’s had your back, hasn’t he? *nods* “Well then, Wildchild,” says Mark. “Allow me to share an observation with you; the last couple of months I’ve noticed you and Johnny working together, training together, traveling together, and even conspiring together, like when you invaded Wrath to attack Justice and Rule.” This gets a smile out of Wildchild. “You know, for somebody who claims not to care for him or get along with him, you sure do hang out with him a lot.” “…” “Have you ever talked about this with him?” Wildchild shakes his head. “Look,” says Stevens, “it’s not my place to tell you what to do about Johnny, but I think that you owe it to yourself to at least be straight with him. And, from a purely business perspective, you owe it to me; I’ve granted the two of you a great deal of latitude with regards to your title defenses, because I thought that you might want to pursue the tag team belts, and I was willing to give the two of you that chance. Right now, I’ve essentially got two of my title divisions in limbo while you decide whether you want him to be your partner again or not. So, you kind of need to make up your mind here pretty soon.” Wildchild hangs his head and closes his eyes, thinking deeply. He remains in that position for so long, that Mark gets back to his paperwork, and is deep in thought himself when he hears a voice say, “Okay. I’ll do it.” “Wha… uhh… huh?” Wildchild looks into the Commissioner’s eyes. “I’ll talk to him. I suppose I owe him… I owe myself… dat.” Stevens nods. “Glad to hear it… Uhh… what do you want me to do with this,” he asks, as he taps on the chest protector. “Oh!” Wildchild grins sheepishly. “I was t’inkin you could send it t’ Chicago, or somet’in. You know; put it on display in de restaurant.” “Capital idea,” says Stevens, as he offers his pen. “Would you be willing to sign it?” “Sure.” Wildchild leans over the desk and take the writing implement, inscribing his ring name across the back of the chest protector. “Thanks,” says Mark, placing the chest protector beside him on the floor. “I’ll have this sent to Chicago first thing in the morning.” Wildchild nods. “Oui. And, thank you. Reckon I should be looking for Johnny, den.” As Wildchild begins to leave, Stevens stops him, saying, “Whatever you decide, Wildchild, just remember this: good friends are very hard to come by in this business.” The Bahama Bomber considers this information and then gives the Commissioner one more nod before exiting the door, stage right… As we: FADE OUT

"In Da Club" would probably sound good done by a band.

"In Da Club" would probably sound good done by a band.

Grambling did a pretty good job with "Baby Boy," don't you think?

So be it. Myself, I don't really care much for football, and I care even less for college football, but there are three games I watch every year: GT/Georgia (since I went to GT), Navy/Army (since I'm in the Navy), and the Bayou Classic (since it's the FUCKING BAYOU CLASSIC~!).

It does? Isn't the Bayou in Louisiana?

Bowden? Spurrier? What do they have to do with the Bayou Classic? When did they ever coach in the SWAC? Grambling and Southern put on a hell of a game today! Pity those who don't usually watch the black universities play don't get to see them more often.

So not caring about a lower level of Football makes me less of a fan? "Lower" is relative. It's the Bayou F'N Classic! :: marks out :: Fakkin' white people just don't get it...

Any of you so-called college football fans watching the Bayou Classic?

*SNIF* *SNIF* :: cries ::

Uhh... did IL get banned?

Everybody's a critic...

SWF Lockdown HOLT report November 26, 2003 Salt Lake City, Utah at E Center Report by Gideon Sworden of St. George, UT, Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - SJL World Champion Todd Royal toyed with Tommy Nguyen in a glorified 2-minute squash before making him submit to the Wrath of Todd. Afterwards, he got on the microphone and proclaimed Utah as “Todd’s Country,” which didn’t really go over all that great with the home crowd. - SWF US Champion Johnny Dangerous and Mike Van Siclen beat English Dragon and Sean Casey in 6:26 when Johnny hit Casey with the MI Slam. - Judge William Hearford beat Alan Clark in 11:18. Clark gave Judge a good fight, and brought the crowd out of their seats when he hit The Illumination on Judge, but he missed on a Lionsault late, and Judge ended up making him submit to Held Without Bail. Lockdown: - A redhead with huge tits started flashing the crowd off-camera during the Linchpin/Stryke match. The crowd was really starting to get into it, but then Jim Phelps had her escorted from the building. He got MAJOR heat for that. - There was an intermission after the Annie/Ejiro match. They held a drawing where they gave away a replica World Title, a Justice and Rule jersey, a program autographed by all the workers on the card that night, and the grand prize, two tickets to Clusterfuck, which was won by a guy in Section 202. - Thugg woke up almost as soon as Francis left the ring, and was he ever PISSED! If Eddy Long hadn’t dived out of the ring for dear life, there’s no telling what he would have done to him! - After the Main Event, Xstasy got on the microphone. He said that he wanted to thank the crowd for understanding that he was just doing what he felt he had to do to get his title shot. He said that he loved the Salt Lake fans, and that the next time he was in Utah, they would all get to experience the joy of (crowd finishes) “X!” - Funyon got on the mic after X left the ring, and thanked us all for coming. Biggest Pops 1) Grand Slam 2) Big-titted redhead 3) Unholy Trinity 4) Xstasy 5) Annie Onita Most Heat 1) Va’aiga 2) Jim Phelps 3) James Matheson 4) Michael Craven 5) HVille Thugg/Ejiro Fasaki (tie)

Don't rush this ass-whippin', son. You'll job to me soon enough... Or are you really in that big of a hurry to be number eight?

Well, then I guess I'll just have to hope my effort is good enough; I didn't really have time to write it in the first place, and I damn sure don't have time to re-write it...

... So that's how you do that double-post thing...

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