The Czech Republic

Mike Piazza? I thought the Mike Piazza jokes were mine.

I think the basket is for catching drunks moreso than baseballs, anyway.

Yeah, Nomar was all over that base like jelly on toast. NO excuse to screw that up, you big-tittied man. How about we switch it up and managers start ejecting umpires for being dumbfucks.

3 strikeouts for Sosa today, one of them was practically a toss in the bullpen that he mistakenly swung at.

Of course Chris Berman gets to do two. WE ALL WATCH FOR BERMAN ALL HAIL BERMAN The thing I did like about Gayle Garder is how she mocked every stupid catchphrase, like "Boo-yeah" and "backbackbackbackbackback"

Wrigley Field rightfully calls bullshit on the WORST UMP CALL I HAVE SEEN IN WEEKS!

None of the above, just go to Chicago.

It really is a strange paradox of how the city built on Puritanical Protestant conservative morals is a haven for liberal Catholics.

who's on tonight with George Grande?

I think Scott Van Pelt made a lot of friends when he did his Stephen A. Smith impression on Pardon The Interruption a few weeks ago.

We never did find out what he did to the Rock.

"I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!" "I'm gonna lay the smackdown on his crippled ass...nWo Style!"

I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Statistically, there has to be a high-profile gay athlete SOMEWHERE.

He should've been. I think they should go back to the old Sportscenter music, it's so much more professional-sounding.

It's good for what it is. "Don't Look Back," "Peace of Mind," and "More Than a Feeling" are overplayed, some will argue, but like the Madden games say, they're #1 for a reason.

Yeah they just fall right out

I think it's safe to say that if they're going with an old guy and a guy on staff who hasn't been doing Sportscenter in a while, it'll probably be this George Grande character and Kenny Mayne.

I also liked Steiner cracking up about Kerry Wood getting arrested for public urination and how that was the first time he made a relief appearance. I hope Kenny Mayne is the co-host for Thursday. He's grown on me. I used to not like him but now I do.

Fanny packs?!? More like "suited to a gay bar" if you ask me.

I think it would've been funnier if Lita asked "Kane, Matt, I have to know, which one of you is the father?" And then HHH comes out with footage of how he drugged her and banged her, so it must've been his. He put his seed-uh in Lita. But then Big Show comes out and says it has to have been his because his show is the biggest show. Vince McMahon admits that he had to use the genetic jackhammer and Lita wanted a title shot, so it's his kid....dammit. To spring some controversy, Coach says it was him because he can't resist that ghetto-bootay. He adds that his night with Lita "was cooler than the other side of the pillow;" following that remark he gets on a plane to Bristol to make it back in time to host that evening's Sportscenter. Chris Jericho takes credit for the baby and says it was the highlight of the night. Jeff Hardy makes his return! He claimed that he impregnated his brother's girlfriend, but since this requires heterosexual intercourse, nobody believes him and he is excused, quite promptly. Booker T is traded back to Raw for Hurricane in order for Booker to take credit for the baby. Booker T says he summons his ejaculation by staring at his hand. Following the announcement, Booker T is traded back again. Stevie Ray, Booker's brother, says that HE made the baby in Lita's womb. When that fruit-booty Lita propositioned Stevie, the reply was "You got me, baby. I'm gonna take off these clothes, take me about, mm, 3, 4, minutes, and I'll get in the bed, and I'll get in your BUTT. It ain't gonna take long, Lita." Steve Yzerman, captain of the Detroit Red Wings, owns up to his adultery. He then openly asks how he got himself into this one. Stevie Richards comes out next, representing not himself, but rather the late Crash Holly, who before he left the world, had a night with Lita. But then... You guessed it... IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLL (bump) WHAT THE ROCK (boom-pish!) IS COOKIN! Dum, dum duh dah DAHHHHHHHH... Yes. It's the Rock. He goes on a long spiel about pie, strudel, "Rock, won't you call my nameIT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS", ya know, all the usual. Nobody's really listening at this point. Amidst this, he tries to coin a new catchphrase, something about "turkey cunt" or something. Like I said, not listening. Did someone say turkey? The Gobbledygooker is out to say that he fucked Lita, but he can't talk, so Mean Gene tries to assume the Gooker's indecent message. Instead of dancing to Turkey In The Straw, the Gooker just dry-humps Lita again. SO where is all this going, you ask? Remember how Vince bought the big fancy lottery tumbler for the Royal Rumble? Well that thing costs money. Cash money. So you better get more than one use a year outta that sucker. So all the names of Lita's sex partners are written on the ping-pong balls, two to a partner, and a drawing is held to decide who gets to be the father. HAHAHAHA! Get it? BALLS! THERE ARE TWO! THEY GRAB THEM! GRAB THE BALLS! So how can a simple ball drawing intervene with biology? Simple. Magic contract! Just so you know this is serious business, we trot out the red carpet over the canvas. There's the belt in the clear Plexiglass podium dealy, but since it's not a title match, nobody really knows why it's there. Something about the feng shui of the ring. By signing the Magic Contract, this overrides whatever sperm may have fertilized the egg, and changes it to follow the result of the drawing. The winner of the drawing is Steve Yzerman. Kane gets mad, and since this is a contract signing in the ring, chokeslams will be had, and things will be broken. Because of Article 542(b) of the WWF Rulebook, 1998 Edition, a Magic Contract is nullified by a melee transpiring within the ring. Kicking the guy in the face and signing the contract for him, however, is still binding. The whole angle is forgotten about the next week.

Carlton's having too much fun with the "old school" phrase. Gayle Gardner ahs not aged well.

Next thing you know he'll fall off of Shea Stadium as Gary Thorne yells "Will somebody stop the damn game!"

I understand why people in the major sports should look good, but come on, it's WRESTLING. Flair should look good in public, but Hardcore Holly doesn't have to.

He cheated on Vanessa Williams? Is anyone good enough for these L.A. Lakers?

If you look at the portrait of him in the SCOS promos he looks like such a cocky bastard that Carlton Banks is humble in comparison. Boo-yeah! I'm cooler than the other side of the pillow.