The Czech Republic

You know, what I wrote really isn't funny at all, it's quite factual. But when one reads it in a Bill Walton voice it takes on some humor.

Right about now?

I think maybe we're talking different streaks here, but I thought it was the Falcons that broke the Lambeau undefeated streak, not the Vikings. I'm just a Bears fan, don't hold me to it or anything.

But he's god! God I hate it whenever they pimp him like he's something special. I wouldn't mind it if ESPN overhyped Chris Berman's public execution like they do when he calls a game or does Sportscenter. That way, nobody would dare miss it.

If you have fifteen teams to a league, somebody has a day off everyday. It doesn't work. It's okay in sports like basketball where you don't play so many games, but in baseball, you need to have everyone playing each day.

This is a song about a great folk hero. Running free Running free Running X-Pac... Running X-Pac running free See the X-Pac, see the running X-Pac Running X-Pac running free. Howdy, HHH. Howdy....X-Pac. Well, what can I do for you? My puppy's hungry, I don't know what to do! Hm. Why not try feeding it puppy food? Good idea, X-Pac! Why don't you stick around and see the results? Nope. Gotta be hitching a ride on the wind. Running X-Pac running free See the X-Pac, he fed a puppy, Running X-Pac running free. Howdy, stranger. Good ta see ya, X-Pac. Well, what seems to be the problem? Well I'll let ya have it straight. We're surrounded on all sides by about 10,000 angry Indians, and it looks like there's only...one way out. Have you ever thought of...talking to them? Running X-Pac running He stopped the carnage by gettin' folks a talkin' 'stead just a sqawkin', sqawkin' and a gawkin' mockin' and a rockin', Running free. Yeeeeha! Walkin' talkin' greaserat! Yeeeha! Look what we got here... Got ourselves a pretty little X-Pac. Guess we better beat on him. Guess so. Running X-Pac, running free See the X-Pac running from the Dudleys, running free-- Run you X-Pac run you! Run you X-Pac run you! Run you X-Pac running free. Godspeed through Texas, X-Pac. Via con Dios, el Espaco.

Jeter, Sheffield, and Rodriguez are due up for New York. Chris Berman has the call: "Well, this guy had a pretty decent ERA until now. You'd better get your blanket ready and go to bed soon, fans, but make sure to catch Sportscenter right after the game, which should be any minute now."

"These guys just plain know how to win." Said of teams that are well-rounded but lack the big-name players in the lineup. See: Minnesota Twins, Oakland A's. The Atlanta Braves are moving into this category. This year's Cardinals are around there too. Everybody knows how to win a baseball game: score more runs than you allow. Duh.

United Airlines: Something special in my pants.

I found the topic at Wrestlingplanet.com. They're a site that gets their news from the torch newsletter and LAW. maybe a Whoosh?

Running probably gives you cancer, making the whole "Running For Cancer" either terribly counterproductive or darkly ironic.

There's Canfield's Chocolate Fudge, KKC, I get it in the greater Chicago area. It tastes more like Canfield's chocolate ass to me, but inexplicably, my cousins and I LOVE the stuff and drink it all the time at my grandmother's house. We DEMAND the sludge, hate it, and ask for more. I'll never understand my family, I just enjoy the ride.

Huh? Who's Annie Sullivan Taught Helen Keller language. Uh huh yeah, and Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves...st00pid!

"Now, the republic of Serbia and Montenegro is a very interesting one. You see, they were originally part of...Yugoslavia, I believe, but after Bosnia and Herzegovina, Slovenia, Croatia, and Macedonia broke off, remember that? Yeah. Well, these were the only two left. They changed their name from Yugoslavia quite recently, I believe, and now they are two nations, but really just one."

I was trying to find the source, but it wouldn't come up. Apparently, Joltin' Joe has left and gone away.

Annie Sullivan? Bullshit P.C. revisionist history. It was X-Pac.

Well that's how X-Pac cured my asthma.

Their next game is against Serbia and Montenegro. Allen Iverson has already prepared a statementstating that it was no suprise they would lose, those America-hating Europeans booked the tournament so that they had to play two countries at once out there.

It's too late for LeBron James to injure himself in his first game, because that would've been funny in a sad way.

I agree with you on that one, because actually, a Williams challenged a man who was ranked in the 200s and got a 6-0 6-1 shitkicking, IIRC. Imagine what Hewitt, Roddick, Federer, and company would do.

As far as Kobe goes, I'd be satisfied with a bruised anus. EDIT: For him. EDIT: Not me. EDIT: Not from me either.

Quarterback Quincy Carter will be released from the Dallas Cowboys, ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli has learned, and an official announcement is expected this afternoon. Carter, a four-year veteran out of Georgia, did not practice with the team Wednesday. There was no immediate word as to why the Cowboys planned to cut Carter. Carter, 26, started all 16 games last season, when the Cowboys went 10-6 and got back in the playoffs in head coach Bill Parcells' first year with the club. Just last week Carter said he expected to be Dallas' starter when the 2004 season opened. "I wouldn't say it's an open competition," Carter said last Saturday, after the team's first workout. "I'm clearly the starter right now. ... The team knows who their starter is. I'm going to stand firm on that, and I'm going to be their leader." Indeed, Carter took snaps with the first team when camp opened, and Parcells at first acknowledged that his '03 starter had the advantage. "He has a leg up on pretty much everybody because he was the guy that played the best and started last year," Parcells told The Associated Press last week. "Obviously I have that in mind. He is in a good position to be improved. And that is what I'm looking for." However, Parcells has also maintained that no one -- not the incumbent, not a former star like Vinny Testaverde -- is a given in the position. Former New York Yankees player Drew Henson is also competing for the starting spot. After last season, Parcells gave Carter a list of some things he wanted the quarterback to do during the offseason. Among them was to add muscle, work on certain mechanics and footwork and get better throwing on the run to cut down his high interception total. Carter added four pounds of muscle, getting to 219 pounds. He's a long way from the pudgy-looking 223-pounder he was when the coach arrived. Despite the obvious changes, however, it would take time to see if Carter improved on the field the way Parcells expected. In his first season as the full-time starter -- after splitting the first two seasons with Chad Hutchinson -- Carter threw for 3,302 yards, but had 21 interceptions and 17 touchdowns. He was intercepted at least twice six times. Thirteen of those interceptions came when he got outside the pocket after a play had broken down. Carter was a chosen by Dallas in the second round of the 2001 draft. Either you're bullshitting about this copy-paste block, or I'm cool.

Why the Williams Sisters hate? It's hard to describe, but they're just so damn annoying when they lose. And if it's not them, it's the broadcasters, like at Wimbledon, when ESPN crucified Karolina Sprem for taking the bad point. You think Venus would've rejected the point? We've seen tennis players go off the deep end trying to get points awarded that they rightfully earned but do not get...they're certainly not going to put up a fight with the chair ump to say "take that point AWAY from me! You take it away right now, you son of a bitch! That is a BAD call! You CANNOT be serious!" And even if Venus got the point she would've lost anyway. The one time that a member of that stupid family finally shows some tact, the media goes and blows it for them. So in conclusion, I wouldn't mind it if Venus and Serena tore their quads, preferably in matches against cooler players like Sharapova and Hantuchova. Then they'd be free to do their modeling, commercials, fashion design, reality shows, cookbooks, rap albums, and whatever else they want to do. And this would be optimal, because they can make their money without polluting tennis tournaments with their grunting and whining.

Third on Kobe. The Williams Sisters. Jackpot.

Half the NBA.