The Czech Republic

Hockey: Eliminate the Instigator Rule, two-line pass, offsides Football: Let them celebrate however they damn please. Not everyone can score an NFL touchdown y'know Baseball: Salary floor Basketball: L.A. Lakers are people too.

That would rule all. I just wish John Stockton came out of retirement for the end of the season, 10-day contract or whatever.

No "Disemboweled" Voice? No Max? Fuck it, just go to a 60-minute Pardon The Interruption with Jay and Woody for half and Tony and Mike for the other.

Miles Davis stands above all, especially Bitches Brew. The earlier stuff is better than the later fusion, of course. Charles Mingus, good stuff there. Moanin' and Haitian Fight Song are two awesome songs to play. I'm a big Maynard Ferguson fan, especially because I got to meet the man, the myth, the legend, and share the stage with him and his band. That was an experience I'll remember for a long long time. Ellington is hit or miss for me, I personally prefer the Count to the Duke. Frank Zappa has good jazz stuff out there, especially Son of Mr. Green Genes. Buddy Rich's big band is also a favorite of mine. Check out Willowcrest, Norwegian Wood, and of course Channel One Suite. I also recommend a song called Strawberry Soup by the Don Ellis orchestra. It's 17 minutes of awesome epic jazz, like Channel One but better.

I hope you at least know who I am

I know what you're thinking.

If Nashville pases Edmonton I will break holes in walls. If Edmonton makes it in and beats the #1 Red Wings I will break holes in walls. But they will be holes of delight.

Go B's Go Sens Go Habs No love for the Leafs/Flyers/Bolts New York Islanders? FUCK THE DEVILS

I never understood the whole "Bubba and Wallstreet cannot be NWO members" deal. Isn't the whole thing with NWO that you're spitting in the face of your WCW contract to go work for DiBiase and Hogan? Whatever. I think the NWO should've ended after Starrcade 97.

Avs and Blues are in line, eh? Looks like Canada can go 6 for 6 after all, Vancouver's just gotta do the right thing for their friends in Alberta, for their nation, and drop one teensy little game.

Edmonton can beat the Canucks. Canucks suck. And shouldn't they just hope for a Blues win against Nashville? St. Louis is gonna get 7th no matter what now...might as well prevent the Predators from getting points. Who does Nashville have in their second game? Hopefully Detroit, Tampa Bay, Boston. Go Canada, go Oilers.

Kings just lost to the Mavs and look like they could lose in the 1st round no matter who they play. I've said it before and I'll say it again: watch out for the Utah Jazz. I was thinking, what if the 5-8 beat the 1-4 in the West? 8 Utah d. 1 Sacramento because the Kings are crumbling apart now, evidently 7 Houston d. 2 Minnesota because the T-Wolves can't get out of the first round 6 Dallas d. 3 LA Lakers is doubtful, but a national following > national hating 5 Memphis d. 4 San Antonio has a sliver of possibility but probably not. I think Memphis would be smart to drop to 6 to get the Lakers or Kings, who I feel they'd have a better chance against. Jerry West even wanted LA in round 1. I just know the NBA would be all over a Mavericks-Lakers series. Next year better be the year the Mavs win it all.

I think any of the other 29 teams could benefit from having a guy named Milton Bradley. See also: Coco Crisp.

Chave, I thought absinthe was made illegal by all civilized Western nations or something because it's so dangerous.

Where do I Czech in?

I don't know that you should work there, but I do know that you should apply there and say "I would be HONORED to work at the Shiny Cock Golf Club." What you do from there, my friend, is up to you.

Effort and caring? He skips practice because he doesn't feel it's necessary! If he's not a cancer to the 76ers, why did they win 7 of 8 in his absence?

Yep, it's all best of 7 now. Thanks, Davey Stern. More Mavericks = more fun. And as for bitching about hockey's postseason being too long. Come on. For a lot of us, those months ARE the season. They're playing like they actually care, they teams in there are the 16 good teams, and you're getting four games a night in the first round, and all four games DON'T involve the Detroit Red Wings. Seeing as I hradly watch hockey during the regular season, I have NO qualms about two months for the Stanley Cup. Me and Barry Melrose and Gary Thorne, we become a family of sorts after all those nights.

What? The fine folks at ESPN, ESPN2, and ABC televised every game of the Stanley Cup Playoffs! (reminded that they skipped Ottawa-Long Island, Round 1) Shut up Oh by the way, tonight the Blues play the Oilers in a game that means everything for the teams involved, as well as the Red Wings, who will get one of the two for Round 1. Also, Predators try to sneak past Edmonton in a game against Chicago. Go Hawks!

It's now been proven that the 76ers win WITHOUT Iverson playing and lose WITH him. I have an idea! Let's put all the disgruntled superstars like McGrady and Iverson in a trade lottery. They draw a team out of a hat and that's who they play for. Ridiculous and WWE-esque, yes, but then again so are the NBA and Iverson.

In other news, statisticians worldwide were stunned to find out that the Detroit Tigers have already been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention prior to Opening Day.

Well he does have respectably sized breasts.

Funny story about these. They're made of paradichlorobenzene, an organic compound used in a lot of chemistry experiments, like the one I was doing. We had to take it in its solid form, melt it down, and let it cool back to solid crystals. So my lab partner, he's washing the test tube out, talking about how great the Red Wings are to me, and the water hits the test tube at a bad angle and sends PDB flying on his face and into his mouth. He's spitting it all over the place, coughing, and we're all just like "ha...you jut ate a urinal cake."

The Leafs had to play harder to force a game 7.

YUH GUBBA DUH! YUH GUBBA DUH! KAMA PEPO, SAY IH WIH ME NAH! GUH GUBBA DUH! THASS RYE!