kkktookmybabyaway

One. I jew everything, even my dollar sign slash distribution.

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 86: JAxl Morrison I haven't noticed Jaxl around lately, but I generally like what I read from this guy. Then again, I don't have a daughter that I have to worry about him corrupting. When he's not putting his sexual partner's life at risk by banging her while she still has a tampon inside of her, he's putting his own life at risk by getting it on with military wives. (I must say that, after seeing a picture of that Marine's wife he was "at attention" with, you can certainly say he was committing a worthwhile risk.) But hot military wives aren't the only things he sticks his dick in; he'll even give a lot of lovin' to those that have lots to love. Oddly enough, he has also started a thread about getting test for STDs. And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Porter: • Wow, first a red diaper doper baby Vermont judge gives a repeated child molester a two-month sentence. Now, on the other side of the spectrum in the same state, some piece of shit got hit with the death penalty for kidnapping and murdering a supermarket worker. Even though this is the first time in nearly 50 years someone has been sentenced to death in this state, he'll probably croak from old age before dying from the needle. • While we're on the subject of spectrum swings, from the same Court that brought you the Miranda warning 40 years ago now say police don't have to knock before coming in with a search warrant. Well of course they don't, because thanks to George W. Bush they already collect all the evidence they need while illegally wiretapping your phone. Oh, and the deciding vote went to Alito. Woo-hoo. Here's hoping Bush gets to appoint at least one more black-robed lawyer to keep the Ginsburgs and Bryers in the back of the classroom. • After Big Ben "apologized" for his motorcycle accident, there has been a stupid topic going through the Shittsburgh sports-talk radio circuit. The debate is should Ben "apologize" for the fans? What a stupid fucking argument. Of course he shouldn't. I was listening to some callers say he "owes it" to the fans because they pay for Ben's salary. Whatever. So I guess the next time you're in a fast-food restaurant and your cashier doesn't do cartwheels when getting your fries you should demand them to apologize because they owe it to you since you "pay their wages"? Fuck you. Like someone isn't going to go to a Steelers game because Ben isn't the quarterback; what did you people do for the 70+ years when he wasn't the Steelers QB? • Bye Dan. I'm sure the two or three people that still think you matter will be starting a vicious letter-writing campaign to cBS over kicking you to the curb. Remember ... courage. • This is interesting. The Mavericks were up two games to none on the Miami Heat coming to Miami. No team has ever won three consecutive home games since the NBA Finals went to a 2-3-2 home/away game format. Now the Heat have tied the series up at two. Conventional wisdom will say that since no team has ever one three straight home games that Dallas is sure to win Game 5. However, earlier this year the conventional wisdom was that no NFL Wild Card team that played all of its postseason games on the road would win a Super Bowl.

That was one of the questions that old guy asked me, and this was one of my questions that I asked the Giant Eagle chick who was showing us how to use this device for the first time. Whenever you go to check out your groceries at one of these stations, once in a while you will be flagged and an employee will have to come over and scan several items in your bags to see if you really are going to pay for them or not. I'm sure there are people taking advantage of this, but Giant Eagle must have factored in this cost beforehand and it's still probably cheaper than to hire a human to check out groceries. I'm surprised you'd approve of this since it's taking jobs away from hard-working cashiers.

Even worse. Now I'm charging $6.

Send me $5 to help pay for my house -- I'm asking for less than Screech and I won't even give you a crappy T-shirt.

The last few trips to the grocery store were rather normal for me, and I was starting to get worried that my usually fun excursions to Giant Eagle were no more. Today let me know I still had my magic touch. While getting my personal shopping scanner (for those that don’t know what I’m talking about, look here) this couple was trying to get theirs turned on. The problem was they didn’t scan their Giant Eagle Advantage Card, which activates one of these scanners for you. As I began stocking up on grocery bags, I knew they would be asking me how I got mine activated. Sure enough, once I got my scanner started, they looked at me with the same look cavemen gave a companion who had just rubbed two sticks together for several hours and created this red, hot thing. After giving them a brief tutorial on the joys of the Giant Eagle’s Personal Shopper Scanner, I went off to do my shopping. My first stop at the grocery store is always the produce section, which is where the better half usually buys some fruit that ends up spoiling because she never finishes what she starts. Since she wasn’t with me today, I was able to get some stuff on sale, so the eventual trip these perishable items will take into the garbage can won’t piss me off as much. While I was bagging some bananas this old guy just walks up to me and says, “Look at what these people (Giant Eagle) are trying to get away with.” He proceeded to tell me that even though Giant Eagle has a certain brand of potatoes “on sale,” two 5 lb bags for $5, there’s another brand right next to the “bargain” potatoes that were in 10 lb bags for $3.99. I responded, “Well maybe someone would just want to buy one 5 lb bag of potatoes for $2.50.” He then gave me this evil look left in a huff. Fuck you, you old bastard. I’m with you on the fact that people don’t read price labels all that carefully, but don’t get your diapers in a knot just because I dared exercise some independent thought that went above and beyond your “In my day during the Depression I could get a full tank of gas for a dime, and the station attendant would change my car’s oil and rotate my tires at no additional charge.” I actually like it when these old bastards complain about the cost of everything nowadays, because that’s the perfect time to remind them “in those days you only made a quarter a week.” Finally, after I finished my shopping and was paying for everything at personal shopper checkout aisle, this other old guy began asking me about that scanner I used to ring up my groceries with. I proceeded to spend about five minutes explaining to him the same things I went over with the couple in the first paragraph. But hey, I don’t mind. Everyone’s got to learn sometime. And besides, doing acts of charity like showing someone how to use a scanner evens out (or at least I hope it does) the bad karma I accumulate for the other times when I’m a bastard. Speaking of being nice, on the drive home from work today, there was another old guy who was trying to get into my lane from a parking lot next to me. Seeing how we were at a stoplight, I made the motion for him to get in front of me. When he did this, I saw what this old bastard had for bumper stickers. From right to left: “Kerry/Edwards,” “Seniors for Kerry,” and “I did NOT vote for Bush.” Had I only received this information beforehand he would have not had such an easy time of trying to get back on Rte 30. Actually, I feel sorry for people that get mad after seeing a pro-candidate bumper sticker for someone they wouldn’t vote for in a million years. When I had my Bush bumper sticker in my rear window back in ’04, I didn’t get any reaction, which surprised, and disappointed, me because I drive through some extremely pro-Democrat areas to and from Shittsburgh. I did have one guy give me a “thumbs up” however; he had a Bush sticker on his car, too. And while I’m talking about bumper stickers, I wonder if people will get the joke if I put a “Run Hillary Run” bumper sticker on the front of my car come 2008 should the Beast get the Democrat nomination?

Yes, I wore those short, transparent shorts. No, it wasn’t a pretty sight. However, I think the fact I had to wear those damn things in the rain, sleet and a few snowfalls is part of the reason I’ve built up a decent resistance to cold weather. And you need to stop being so isolationist, get some tolerance and learn to be more respectful of other cultures.

Couldn't you bang her in the break room or something?

I like Clemens, but you're right about that whole 2003 goodbye party being annoying. If you're going to call it quits, then do it already.

• So I’ve been listening to this financial guy on RIGHT-WING RADIO Dave Ramsey for a while now, and it’s a pretty enjoyable show. Basically, he talks to people about their money matters. I don’t learn much, if anything, from this program, but goddamn are some of his callers funny. There was one the other day that was great. This lady called and said that her and the hubby have more than $200,000 worth of student loan debt between them. The husband went to law school, passed the Bar exam and then became a stay-at-home dad once they produced a little crumb snatcher. Sorry, but when you go to law school you don’t get to be a stay-at-home anything unless it’s a private practice. But the best part was when Dave asked her what she did for a living. She said that she spent more than $100,000 for her Master’s Degree education. And just what was that Degree in? Non-profit Money Management. You can’t make this shit up. • Is it any surprise that more than a billion of dollars worth of fraud is now coming to light in wake of the Hurricane Katrina aftermath? I’m surprised the amount is that low. In a way I feel for the faceless administrators and pencil pushers that gave away this money like it was water, but not the kind that strands you on your rooftop. After all, if they actually took their time to research each claim and determine whether it was legitimate or not, they would get the third degree for being cold-hearted and dragging their feet while dead bodies were piling up in the Superdome freezer. • Darryl Hannah, in a show of protest or something, climbed up some tree to prevent a private property owner from getting rid of this hippie garden where illegals grew crops or something. God forbid this guy do what he wants with HIS property. This sounds like another case for the Supreme Court. I think the funniest thing from all of this is that with the Hollywood celebrities who came to the garden’s defense (Hannah, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Harris and Martin Sheen to name a few), you think they could have all chipped in and purchased the land with the $16 million price its owner was asking for. However, the biggest story in all of this is that the Los Angeles Times actually wrote something I agree with. Now you don’t read stuff like this everyday from this commie publication. Whatever could be the reason for this turn to common sense -- could they be trying to put a somewhat normal face on this rag to prospective buyers? Nah. • And with all the shit that Philadelphia is dealing with – crime, poverty, failing government schools – it’s nice to know they’re going to come down hard on a guy operating a cheesesteak place just because he has a “Speak English when ordering” sign. • Wow. The Poland/Germany World Cup game is on and Poland is trying to eek out a 0-0 tie. This would be a win for them because one of their players got red-carded earlier in the game. In the 90th minute two German players, just a few feet away from Poland’s goal, took point-blank shots and hit the crossbar each time. Well this all doesn’t matter because as I’m typing this Germany just scored. Having played several games of soccer as a kid, I can say giving up a goal in the waning minutes of a tied game is probably one of the worst feelings you can get when playing this sport. Well that or unsuccessfully trapping a rock-hard ball with your inner thigh in freezing weather without wearing a jock strap. I think the worst thing about that whole experience was I couldn’t just kneel over and cry, even though I wanted to more than anything else at that moment in time. After I cleared the ball from my area I tried “walking” the pain off. Didn’t work. Not by a long shot.

Were they wearing helmets?

Just when I thought I was turning into a commie, I get thrust back into reality. Yesterday I had to drive to a pharmacy about 15-20 minutes away from my house to pick up a prescription for my one cat who’s suffering from a urinary tract infection. As I was turning onto the road leading up to this store, I noticed this long, silver-haired guy standing on a corner with a sign reading something like, “2000 soldiers dead is 2000 too much,” or something of that nature. After my pleasant visit to the pharmacy (the vet screwed up the dosage amount or something; I was then told that it would take at least an hour to fill and that they would deliver the drugs to my house) I got the chance to drive past this idiot. Remembering the good ol’ days back when I lived at Sappy Valley, which had a student protest about something-or-other several times a week, I got to re-live the vigor of my youth. As I was waiting patiently by the yield sign where he was standing, I pointed at him, laughed and yelled, “Get a job, hippie!” The rest of the drive home was gravy. This made me think back to all the good times I had making fun of protesters and their stupid causes. Now I doubt nothing will be better than the time I took a “Free Mumia” flyer from some pseudo-hippie during one of those Penn State marches, shoved it down my pants, wiped my crack with it, and gave it back to dumbfounded protestor-ette. However, there was another time that ranks right up there. I mentioned this story a few times at the TSM boards, but it bears repeating so here I go again. [Flashback mode on] I was manning some stupid booth for a school club I was part of during my college days when suddenly, about 20 or so feet across from me, these two bald-headed women from the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY started setting up their stand to pass out propaganda to the mindless teens and twenty-somethings that roamed the halls. Now this duo had all the usual posters up for leftist causes like “Free Mumia,” “Abortion is a choice,” and “Lift the embargo on Cuba.” However, they had one that pissed me off, and that was “Jail the cops who killed Johnny Gammage.” Now back around 1995, there was the Steeler – Ray Seals – who had a cousin that got pulled over in the middle of the night by a group of Shittsburgh PO-lice. Instead of doing what the officers told him to do, Gammage started some shit with them. One thing led to another and the PO-lice eventually had Gammage pinned to the road, where he died of asphyxiation. The day before my booth-sitting one of the officers, John Vojtas, got acquitted. (Or was it a mistrial? I forget.) This of course pissed off just about every lefty out there. Now I guess it was a shame the guy died and all, but it could have been prevented if he didn’t start shit with the cops. So to that I say fuck him. Anyway, I had been hearing this hippie psychobabble for a day or so now, and when you’re in a liberal arts shithole like I was in, days can seem like years. (Here's some background info on the case: Link 1. Link 2. It was at this time when a chick I knew came up and we started talking. I went to get several pieces of paper, some tape and a Sharpie. As she saw me write in large letters “Vojtas Acquitted: One Down, Three To Go,” she started laughing and said, “You’re on you own.” I taped the sign up to my booth, sat back and waited. About 10 minutes went by when I got my first threat by some black chick. Another five or so minutes went by before I got my second threat. These exchanges were nothing note-worthy; just garbage like “What’s this?” and “You think the cops are innocent?” Each time I politely responded and said that Gammage could have prevented his death by obeying the officers. Another person came up to me shortly thereafter and threatened to rip my sign down, to which I smiled and said, “Well then I’ll just make another.” That didn’t go over too well. After a few more threats, the Assistant to the Dean of Students visited me and told me to take my sign down. When I asked why she replied, “Because I’ve been getting complaints all morning about it.” When I pointed out that the feminazis across from me had similar inflammatory rhetoric posted, this pencil pusher said, “They reserved that booth to talk about those subjects, you didn’t reserve this booth to do that.” When I pointed out that the Gammage decision took place yesterday and I doubted that the SOCIALIST EQUALITY PATY reserved that booth as late as yesterday afternoon to talk about the Gammage mistrial, this lady looked at me, sighed and said, “If I tell them to take their sign down will you take yours down, too?” It was at that point I cashed in my chips. Gee, I had always thought that Academia encouraged free thought and expression. For the record I did get one voice of support, but that was from a kid who probably grew up to be a bigger curmudgeon than me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get. [/Flashback mode off] Now back to yesterday's events. The pharmacy people screwed up my address, so instead of getting those meds I mentioned above at 6:30 p.m., which was when I was told they would be delivered, they didn’t show up until 8 p.m., and that was after I had to give the courier directions over the phone three separate times, which is unfortunate because my house is just a shot across Route 30. Then again, if you’re looking for “Fourth” Drive instead of “Forrest” Drive, you might be in your vehicle for a while. Also, the delivery guy had a Ben Roethlisberger t-shirt on; I guess he was hoping the power of the shirt would help Big Ben’s surgical efforts.

What did the sales guy do to fuck up the account? Lost time? Where does she work -- Nevada?

This is different than usual how. Get AIDS and go to fucking hell, Spoon. Are we talking about the CE folder again? If so, then what's he got to be bitching about now? All the conservatives are gone, or at least the really evil, mean ones. I called the cops on a bunch of little shits before -- you can't beat the hell out of them so you might as well do the next best thing and bust them for underage drinking.

KKK's Top Posters Number 87: Latin Assasin I can't remember when I have ever spoken to this guy, but anyone who sticks his dick into this on a regular basis without having to pay for it or be in fear of an impending 5-0 bust, and who also posts on a message board, is either a) lying, b) posting some newly-found naughty pics of his sister that were intended for her boyfriend, or c) my n*gga. He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other. And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: • Oh God help me. Big Ben just got into a motorcycle accident and is currently listed in serious but stable condition. He wasn't wearing a helmet. Well at least I know what is going to be the top story in my area for the next month or so. I don't know who was at fault in this accident, but if it's not Ben, the other motorist, even if he or she is from out of state, will be wishing to be Steve Bartman when it's all said and done. And while I'm on the subject, I can't wait to hear all the cries of hysteria over Pennsylvania amending its helmet law a few years ago so motorcyclists can opt not to wear this headgear. The local media have already shifted their resources to the scene of the crash, Steelers Headquarters, and the hospital where Ben was taken. Nice to see they focus on the important things in life; little wonder why I don't take the Shittsburgh media all that seriously. • When watching the World Cup Sunday, I didn't know who to cheer for in the Iran/Mexico game. Should I pull for the country that is sneaking over the border and refusing to assimilate with American culture or side with the country that wants to nuke my backyard? After much thought, I decided that I feel more for the Iranians. I'm sure at least half of them would chop my head off if given the chance, but it's too bad they got an extremely unfavorable reaction from the crowd over the policies of their wacko president/prime minister/whatever he's called. Wow. I really am turning into a commie. • You know what's sad about this story? I bet the defendant wins, or at least gets a reduced jail sentence. And defense lawyers wonder why they're so despised.

Well maybe if he had a helmet on it wouldn't have been as bad.

Davis doesn't play anymore so what does he know about today's game?

Can't wait for the hysteria around these here parts to begin.

Bad taste? That's funny as hell. But only 90 minutes? I'm sure there will be stoppage time.

They sure were.

LOL -- they almost scored 10 seconds into the game.

How about you read this one?

Tell me about it. We blew so much money because the better half wanted to do things the "traditional" way. Except, of course, for who was responsible for the tab. I think we spent about $12-14,000 -- or should I say, "she" spent that amount. Or should I say (again), she racked up that bill amount. Who paid it off was another matter.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 88: The Czech Republic Czech’s a hard read for me. This guy has bitched about my use of “…” at the end of my posts back when I used to do this. He also has griped about my over-use of the words “hippie” and “commie.” But worst of all, he has goofed on my n*gga Paul Harvey, which, in my world, is tantamount to flushing a Koran down a toilet in front of a Muslim male. No, check that; it’s an even WORSE offense. However, he’s extremely approachable on AIM and has answered every inquiry I have asked him through this medium, from explaining what exactly a “neocon” is to what parts of the Windy City and its surrounding areas support the Cubs and which areas support the White Sox. Plus Czech goofs on Racist Dusty, so that’s another plus. And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Porter: From Carnival From SFA Jack • Over in the General Chat folder Fear Havoc brought up an interesting question that I feel needs more elaboration on my behalf. Long story short: He’s friends with someone that’s getting married. He’s thinking of giving the "happy" couple $50 as a gift and wants to know if that’s enough. In my world, that’s perfectly acceptable, and the majority of posters in that thread seem to agree. However, I figured this might be a good time to give some firsthand experiences of this practice of giving, and receiving, loot at a wedding. 1) Unless you’re going to some uber-yuppie reception, giving $50 for you and your guest is perfectly acceptable. At my wedding reception the meals were about $25 per person, so you’re basically saying with a $50 gift, “Thanks for inviting me. Here, I’ll take care of my food bill because I know you are paying for plenty of other shit. Now, where’s that free bar?” At my reception, most people gave $50, which was fine with us. However, my old man’s table, which featured eight various cousins and uncles, gave us a total of $40. The most aggravating thing about this wasn’t even the money; it was the fact we had to include this table into the reception plans two days before the wedding, more than two weeks after the RSVPs were due. 2) If you’re going to get a gift, please make sure it’s something from their wedding registry. This isn’t rocket science. It’s nice to know that if our George Forman grill ever craps out on us, that we have two others just waiting to take its place. And if you’re not going to bother reading the registry before getting something, make sure you include the receipt so it can be returned. It’s nothing personal; there’s only so much storage space people have in their house/apartment and sometimes you have to be practical. 3) While I’m on the subject of registries, sometimes you’ll come across an item with a rather large purchase price. Don’t think that the bride actually expects this to be filled; it’s a pipe dream (and yes, the bride is the one who fills these registries out). The better half’s pipe dream was some new sink stand to replace the funky green colored one for the upstairs bathroom. She was under the delusion that some people from her side of the family would “chip in” and get this for us. What did we end up getting from the people she hoped would get her this gift? Four plastic glasses, a plastic pitcher, and a single towel with matching wash cloth. So close. 4) Whatever amount you give to a wedding party, expect no more than that amount back when you get hitched. After our wedding, the better half took note of what everybody gave us (well, the people who weren’t married yet) and that is what we are going to give them whenever their big days come. Shortly after our wedding, one of our guest couples got hitched and we sent them the same amount of money they sent us. Of course, when I asked what was the point of this monetary exchange, since in the end it turned into a zero-sum game, I didn’t get a coherent answer. 5) Gift cards are just as good as cash, but please make sure it is for a store the happy couple frequents. For us, our Target, Kohl’s and Best Buy gift cards were well-spent. However, the one for Linens ‘n Things took some time to be depleted, and even then the money spent on fabric could have went to buying a perfectly good DVD.

Never underestimate the power of cougars.