kkktookmybabyaway

Eric, what offends you about ol' Larry? I take pride in being offensively stupid. Do you want me to screw off and die? ... On second thought, don't answer that.

Really? I didn't think it was one of my better efforts. In fact, I found it more formulatic than anything. And since I concluded that the PGA isn't an "all-male league" from reading another blog, because I didn't know what the answer was, then my remark about men being in the LPGA is moot. Oh, and thanks, [sexist asshole mode on]bitch.[/sexist asshole mode off] But wait, I'm always a sexist asshole. I guess that one wasn't so good.

Screw off and die? Wow, does he drive a SUV or something? The Geico ones are hit-and-miss for me; there's too damn many of them. The caveman one was OK the first time I watced it. After the 20th viewing however, it lost a bit of its luster.

Damn there are a lot of rounds in MLB.

I've had idiot bosses of both genders (still do, actually), but my women ones were worse in general. Also, I love it when bitches complain that men who work under them are afraid of taking orders from a strong woman. While there's no doubt there are men like that out there, they are nothing compared to some of the feminazis I've worked with who think everything done or said in this world is some subliminal attempt at oppressing them.

Larry was ragging on the Dixie Terrorists? You say that like it's a bad thing. I've seen that football field ad; it's not as good as the scarecrow due the latter making fun of hi... well, you'll have to watch it for yourself.

Nice. I knew Jerk would come through.

I don't see the big deal about this, considering I integrate my mashed potatoes and corn all the time. However, that gravy and cheese topping leave something to be desired, imo. And, Chris, there are a lot worse things than KFC Bowls out there.

Does your training period come with some clause that they can fire you whenever they want for no reason?

Marriage = man + woman. That's all. Arguing about this is stupid, so if anyone wants to play this game go ahead; I'll just throw out my equation every time. Besides, none of this is going to matter in the end because if liberals don't get into power and make this legal some red diaper doper baby judge will force his judicial penetration upon us all in the end anyway, so what's the point of arguing? See No Evil is in book form? Oh lord. And what is this "Tom Goes To The Mayor"?

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 92: Swift Terror Sure Swift Terror doesn’t post that much, if anymore, at TSM’s forums, but I know him personally so he gets a pimp on this list. Mr. Terror worked under me in 2002, and when he got promoted to the management level I was at we got to know each other better during some projects our groups worked together on. Well, the people working under us worked; I spent most of my day posting at TSM, which eventually pulled in my co-worker, too. In fact, we got along so well that we were groomsmen at each other’s weddings in the years that followed. A fellow right-winger, he likes cars and horror films, not to mention having a mother-in-law that would send shivers down … well, I better stop right now if I ever want his wife to let me back in their house again the next time I’m in the southwestern Ohio region. And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: • The Blue Collar Comedy quartet just had their “final” movie on Comedy Central last night, and I was unimpressed. I’m normally a fan of their comedy (sans that television show), but this third special left something to be desired. I didn’t mind most of the material; my problem was that the event took place in Washington, D.C., which is one of the last places I’d want to see these guys perform at. Why don’t you just do a show in Manhattan or Berkley next? The first two specials may not have taken place in “redneck” havens like Georgia or Mississippi, but nevertheless the crowds helped make the viewing experience enjoyable. This crowd looked mostly like inside-the-beltway schmoes, and there was just something missing from this element. I think one reason I like these stand-up specials is that Jeff, Larry, Bill and Ron complement each other well, although I’d consider Bill to be the weak link of the four, since he seems to have a similar brand of material that Jeff has. If this is indeed the last time these four will appear together on a stage, then peace out. You can’t argue about the success this “blue collar” stuff has experienced. • There have been a few good commercials airing as of late, which is unusual for me because normally I think television commercials either try too hard to be over the top or are just bland. Ever since they brought back their former mascot (or whatever that king guy was supposed to be), Burger King has had a number of good ads. Their most recent ad pimping a Texas Double Whopper is an enjoyable one for me, especially the full version. The song is cute, and I like how the commercial builds momentum until that van gets pushed into a dump truck. The second ad that has immediately won me over is for some hippie soft drink. I don’t know if it’s a Mountain Dew rip-off, or some extra- caffeinated version of this greenish goodness. The commercial is about a farmer who is building a bigger, meaner scarecrow to fend off, and even destroy, a variety of woodland animals trashing his crops, including … well, you’ll have to watch it to figure out the payoff. And while I’m on this subject, I really liked Taco Bell’s “Think Outside The Bun” campaign, but it’s time to put it out to the pasture. My jump the shark moment on this batch of ads came with those “toga” commercials. • So ESPN is giving constant updates on Michelle Wie’s qualifying performance for the U.S. Open. Here’s my question: Is the PGA supposedly a “male” league? If not, then why even bother having a LPGA? Let’s just have everybody play in golf leagues and see who qualifies. I have nothing against Wie, and if she gets exemptions to play in tournaments just because it will bring in more people to watch the event, then more power to her. And goddamn is Jim Gray the wrong guy to sub host Jim Rome is Burning. He seems like a good-enough sideline reporter, but when it comes to this format, they should have went with an extra “Best of Mike and Mike” or something, which says a lot because even if that show was on at 6 p.m. rather than 6 a.m., it would still put me to sleep. UPDATE: After reading Swift Terror's latest blog entry, I guess the PGA is co-ed. This of course now means that the LPGA needs to rethink their closed-minded policies. AHHHHH, another ESPN update on Wie. This is more annoying than those "Chasing Bonds" updates that were run prior to Barry passing Ruth.

She won't start with you. That's the problem.

Don't you have someone to win back?

Oh, I'll play along. What was the lucky gal's name?

I've always liked Shaq. That's all I got.

I remember when the Atlanta Hawks were on TBS all the time. Outside of WGN showing Bulls games, the only station I get that shows one team's slate of games is some hippie local station that shows a Cavs game every now and then. Does WGN broadcast Blackhawk games by chance?

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 93: Smues Much like Sideburnious, Smues is one of those posters I don't talk with much, but he seems like a good enough guy. Hey, he makes fun of Barry Bonds and ESPN, along with Mikey Moore. You can't win me over any more than goofing on those three subjects. Well, maybe you could if you also pimped Gauntlet Legends. My n*gga. And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: From Porter: • Oh Chirst, there’s a reason I don’t go grocery shopping on Sundays, and I re-discovered why. I think the worst part wasn’t the screaming children but rather the people who shop right after church and they have way too much perfume on. Not even the coffee aisle, with that sweet aroma, was enough to counter this old lady and her scent o’ death. That’s the last time I deviate from my normal routine of going grocery shopping Tuesday after work. • And while I was out grocery shopping, the better half, her dad and her brother came over to do something to our front yard. (When the better half does any kind of home improvement project, my only rule is to let me know if the property catches on fire and I have leave the hosue; otherwise, I just leave her alone.) Whenever it rains water seeps down into our fruit cellar, resulting in puddles being formed all over the floor in this little room where we mostly store food, cleaning products and cooking devices. It’s not like the basement is going to flood anytime soon, but it’s annoying to have to watch where you step when bringing up food in the pantry upstairs. They dug up the front yard and put in some pipe, which will now send the water that is destined for the basement out onto the street. Honestly, I don’t know what we’d do without Mrs. kkk’s brother. He’s a mechanic by trade, and a mighty good one, too. Not only that, but he’s pretty much everything in a man that I am not. He’s excellent with tools, knows how to fix just about anything under the sun, and goes hunting and boating. In other words, he’s a real man’s man while I am, well, you should know that answer by now. It’s funny because when I first started dating the better half, her brother didn’t like me for the longest time. I think it took six years or so to finally warm up to me. I don’t fault him; after all, I was fucking his baby sister. He and his wife (who is also quite successful in her professional career) have a nine-year-old son and a seven-year-old daughter, and for some reason they both adore me. Don’t ask why because their parents can’t figure this one out either. While the brother-in-law helps us out with a number of things like the aforementioned drainage system, we try to return the favor, mostly by baby-sitting their kids or helping them move from one house to another. However, there was one instance where I was the hero of the day, and it took place last Christmas. Every December 25 we head on over to the brother-in-law’s place, along with the rest of the immediate family, and celebrate Christmas there. Hey, as long as I don’t have to play host I’ll gladly eat someone else’s food and let them clean up. Well this past holiday, they had some people from out of state over, and they had a son about the same age as my niece-in-law. Turns out all three of them wanted to play Playstation, particularly the Looney Toones Space Race Game a certain uncle bought for them (see my April 22 entry for more information about this story). As my brother-in-law tried to get the game working, he was having an unsuccessful time at it and had his daughter bring me in to remedy the problem. After hitting the green reset button, everything worked fine, and the three kids started jumping up and down in glee saying, “Uncle kkk fixed the Playstation.” As my brother-in-law and I returned to the living room I remarked, “With all the things you build and fix for your kids and us, I get the most praise for turning on their video game system.” He laughed. After all, he may be able to fix a car but I know how to make the Playstation work.

I forgot Mason played for the Heat. At least Rolando's still on the list, barely.

• The Miami Heat made it to the NBA Finals for the first time in franchise history. Now I thought Pat Riley pulled a bitch move by kicking out Stan Van Gundy as Heat head coach last year, but in the end it got the team to where they wanted to be, so unless you’re last name begins with a "G" and rhymes with “Undy,” there’s nothing much else you can say. • I tend to bring up some not-so-flattering sides of the better half on occasion (see my “Cost of Relationship” entry), but I also like to point out the good instances. Friday was her last day at a job she hated because her cunt boss has made work for her a living hell for the last year or so. When conducting her exit interview with human resources yesterday, she handed over a six-page, 3,750-word letter on the unprofessional conduct her supervisor demonstrated during her time at the job. It really was a thing of beauty. I told Mrs. kkk for months to compose something like this, but she didn’t want to, mostly because she likes to avoid conflict whenever possible at her places of employment. Well, that all came to a screeching halt a few months ago when her bitch boss wrote her up for “excessive absenteeism.” Of course, by “excessive absenteeism,” she meant using the excess hours she had worked the week before to take a day off. This fired her up so much I couldn’t get her to stop documenting and outlining all the inappropriate things her boss had done since October of 1993. After I put my finishing touches on the letter, it went to the HR department, which is where it will probably wither on the vine. After all, the only people more worthless than a company’s marketing division are its human resource employees. But even if nothing is done about this, this was a nice stress-reliever for the better half as she left this shit hole of a job. • I guess God is getting sick and tired of hearing Pat Robertson predict upcoming natural disasters upon the infidels of this world. Who can blame him? (Or her, whatever the deity's case may be.) • Oh, bullshit. This guy gets cleared of rape/kidnapping charges and is freed from prison after 14 years and says after being awarded a $14+ million settlement that it “wasn’t about the money?” Like hell it wasn’t. This brought up an interesting thought though – would you want to be wrongly convicted of a crime and spent a dozen or so years in jail only to be cleared of any wrongdoing thanks to DNA evidence if it meant getting a $10+ million payday? I don’t know how to respond to this. After all, you would have lost a decade or so of your life, but that only means the rest of your life will be set, providing you don’t spend your cash settlement on hookers and booze within the first month.

And they don't have OLN? Odd.

Were you at least able to get his/her plate number? Sadly, I have no stories about this becuase I've never gotten into an accident. However, I do flip out on people on the road when they don't pay attention and almost crash into me. Fuck this "road rage" shit. If someone is driving 60 mph and doesn't look before going into your lane, and almost causes a serious (maybe even fatal) accident, you have every right to be pissed off and should go off on a tirade. Hell, if you have a mug with you throw the damn thing at the motorist.

Do you have Time Warner cable?

Did the collection at least include The Safety Dance?

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 94: FrigidSoul This one may seem like an unusual selection, because as some of you may know last year a faction of posters here started up another message board to shoot the shit, and Frigid was one of the people that helped out in this board's construction. However, Frigid didn’t like the RACISM (or whatever the reason was) that was going on at the place, and he took his ball and went home, basically crashing the place and pissing a few people off. However, his dismantling of the “other place” doesn’t take away from the glorious times we shared here. As leader as one of the groups in TSM infamous (read: retarded) “Gang Wars,” we teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board. And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Kingofthe909: From Porter: From SFA Jack: • Well another stupid bird flew into my house’s back porch window/screen and was lying dead in front of the back door yesterday afternoon, the second to do so since moving here in 2004. Now if this screen was clear white, I could understand why birds would mistake the screen for open space. However, this screen thingy is probably older than me and has spots and other kinds of gray stains on it. It’s amazing how an animal can beat the odds and survive all the dangers of the wild as a fledgling only to go SPLAT when it becomes a healthy adult. Then again, some animals aren’t that bright. One image I’ll never forget is of a squirrel getting run over last summer. I was in a 25 mph zone with a SUV in front of me going the speed limit as well. Suddenly, this stupid squirrel runs out right in front of the vehicle, got hit by the front left tire, did several flips in the air and hit the pavement. It’s not like the vehicle was speeding or aiming for the thing, and if the squirrel would have waited just two seconds longer he would have had safe passage. Part of me was wondering if the thing just couldn’t take living in this Bush economy and decided to end it all. In my history of driving, I have only killed one animal, and I don’t even count it against me because this bird deserved to get it. I was in Ohio and driving in a residential area. In front of me were a flock of birds doing what birds usually do in the middle of the road at 7 a.m. I was about a block away and all but one of them scattered. The speed limit was 25 mph and I slowed it down to 20 because there’s enough road kill in the world to begin with. But the stupid bird just stood there looking at me, like it was daring me to continue. Well I did, the bird hit my front end and my Corsica won the battle. I guess in the end this was a good thing because that bird didn’t deserve to reproduce. Now if we could only do this with the human race. • So now New Yorkers don’t want other parts of the country to fund their anti-terrorism budgets if it means them having to tighten their fiscal belt. I’m not going to make the obvious “Now all these liberals believe there are terrorism threats,” joke because RIGHT-WING RADIO has already beaten me to this punch. Instead, I’m just going to say that not only will New York CIty eventually get the same amount of money it got last year, but also that there will get at least a 10 percent increase in this funding. If Bush threatens a veto on any bill giving NYC more money, then they will end up getting at least a 25 percent increase over last year's amount. • You health Nazis can kiss my ass. If you force restaurants to reduce portions, it’s not like they’re going to lower the price of the meals. And why is it all these people that feast on water chestnuts and celery stalks look like they are one strong breeze away from toppling over?

*shakes head*