King Cucaracha

"Tell me exactly, what am I supposed to do Now that I have allowed you, to beat me! Do you think that we could play another game Maybe I could win this ti-ime." "Oh, great." groans King. "I kinda like the misery you put me through Darling you can trust me, completely! If you even try to look the other way I think that I could kill this ti-ime!" Disturbed's "The Game" kicks into gear and through the curtains emerge the SWF's self proclaimed Power Couple, SWF World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix and his trusty manager Megan Skye. The crowd give Landon a predictably hositle welcome as, blood smeared World Title draped over his right shoulder, Landon holds his hands aside and looks to the heavens above, as if thanking the good Todd above for his mere greatness. Megan leads the way as Landon then strides down the aisle, paying the crowd no more attention than he feels they deserve. I.e, none. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome MEGAN SKYE... and the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation WORLD Heavyweight Champion... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Well, here comes a remorseless son of a bitch if ever I saw one." criticises Mak. "The dried blood you can clearly see on our World Championship is that of Amy Stephens, the SWF Hardcore Gamers Champion who we regret to inform you won't be here tonight after the unsettling beating Landon laid on her on Lockdown. Amy has a Grade 3 concussion and is recovering from some understandable side-effects of losing so much blood." "Resisting obvious joke here." "I hate to sound mysogonistic. Amy is an athlete, she's our Hardcore Champion. But she's still a young woman and Landon treated her like a dog on Lockdown, with not a hint of compassion. And now, he comes out here, clearly proud of what he's done." Landon and Megan have by now entered the ring and sent Funyon packing, Landon taking the microphone to the disappointment of all. "EverybodybetterlissenupcosI'vegotsomefingtosayINNIT!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Evidently pleased with himself, Landon wipes a wry smile from his face. "See, ere's wot it is, right. Last week, I woz in this ring, right an' I was kickin' someone's arse right, and I...I..." Unable to contain himself any longer, Landon bursts out laughing. "Oh man. Hard to keep that shtick up. I don't know how those English people can talk like that for so long without cracking up, I swear I don't. So let's try some eloquence out here, shall we? Talk like a Champion? And while Amy 'does fetches' a dictionary, allow me to tell you a little story. The story of the 'Ugly Duckling'. See, once there was an ugly duckling, grey in colour, different from the rest. It stood out from the crowd with it's unkept feathers, it's hideous appearance and it's incomprehensible squawking. Everybody shunned that ugly duckling because...well, it was ugly. Duh. But then, one day, they ugly duckling got laid for the first time since her Sixth Form Leaver's Ball when some prat named 'Dazza' in a burberry cap and soiled 'tracky bottoms' took her behind the bike sheds and 'tested her gangsta'. Suddenly, that ugly ducking felt loved. It felt needed. It didn't have to reach for the Rampant Rabbit every night anymore. And by association, that ugly duckling soon became popular. And after all I did for it, what did it do? It dumped me." The crowd cheer, just to make themselves an annoyance. Glancing around, Landon seems just the slightest bit embarrased by the glee people are taking in what was a humiliating moment...until he sees Megan beside him smirking. Well, you'd be perked up by that too. "She 'dumped' me. And you made, oh so much of a big song and dance over it too Amy, didn'tcha? You took such delight in kicking me to the curb on live TV. Well Amy, as the saying goes, paybacks are a bitch. And bitch...consider yourself paid back!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "He's got a big mouth knowing Amy isn't around to take offence." sneers King. "All I've heard since Lockdown was what a sick bastard I am." Landon continues. "And if I didn't realise how hypocritical you people are and how insignificant your opinion, I might give a damn. But I don't. I didn't do anything nearly as sadistic as Bruce Blank did. I didn't drop her on her head and try to paralyse her like her brother would. And hey, it's not like I took her title." Megan, completely agreeing, applauds. "I could have, make no mistake. The question is, why would I lower myself to hold such an insignificant, trashy, worthless belt when I'm the SWF World Heavyweight Champion? Barbed wire and flaming tables are all well and good in the backyard and in the bingo halls, but this is WRESTLING! And Hardcore Wrestling is trash! Bruce Blank needs to hit people over the spine with lighttubes because he's an incompetent backyard wrestler who's incapable of anything with any credibility. Bloodshed needs to throw himself into thumbtacks because it's all he's good for, being a freak. The Insane Luchador has to dive into pits of glass because it's the only way people will give a flying crap about him. And Amy Stephens has to wrestle in the Hardcore Division because she's an untrained, no-talent, fat-ass binge drinker who doesn't deserve any employment within the SWF, aside from maybe cleaning up the piss buckets in the back. I don't need to do any of that shit, because I am a professional wrestler and I am the World Heavyweight Champion, something which none of those four can say and will ever be able to say!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Take that!" King sneers, resisting the urge to cry 'Oh, snap' on air. "I am your World Heavyweight Champion and don't you people forget it!" Landon continues, head swelling. "At the end of the night, it's me you'll be watching, because I'm the Champ. The main event. The reason you pay your money to come watch the SWF! I might not come out here like Wildchild and do top rope, reverse dragonrana saults. I might not be like JJ Johnson, hitting people with... Super..Laser..Bomb Drivers. And I might not do Massacre..Death..Bombs through a glass replica of Mother Teresa off of a sixty four foot scaffold, while on fire and eating a rat poison sandwich like Bruce Blank. But I am your World Champion! That means you respect me! What I do, you enjoy! Unconditionally! So if I decide I wanna come out and slap on a cravaté on someone for 10 minutes, you stupid retards are gonna sit on your hands and you're gonna like it! And if I beat a woman half to death, you're gonna keep your damn mouths shut and not so much as DARE to doubt my actions, because I am the World Heavyweight Champion and what I say goes!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Unimpressed by this egomaniacal ranting, the Iraqi crowd jeer wildly, much to Landon's frustrations. Megan places her hands over Landon's ears to block out the noise, not wanting the crowd to get to her man. However, suddenly the mood changes. A brutal, stuttering guitar riff starts up, a guitar riff not heard in the SWF for nearly two years. “What the hell!?” Suicide King barks. The crowd turns to look disbelievingly at the massive Smarktron and sure enough, they see what they expect to see. Because this music is ‘We Still Kill The Old Way’ by Lostprophets, and it was used back in early 2004 by the man currently shown taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with a move known as the Toxxic Shock Syndrome. Back when this music was first heard in the SWF, the man using it used to be quite popular with the crowd. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Back then, before the days of broken necks, World Titles and Revolution Zero. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” Back then, before he fell from grace with the SWF fans, Toxxic would have been cheered over Landon Maddix any day. “TOXXXXXXXXXXX-IC…” It looks like those days are back. *BOOOM!!* Red pyro erupts from the soundstage beneath the Smarktron and for a moment all beyond is obscured by smoke and haze. Then, striding through and wearing a Revolution Zero T-shirt, comes a man with eyeliner, nail polish and spiky black hair. “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAoooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” “What the hell!? Mak Francis says in shock, but for quite different reasons to his commentary partner’s earlier outburst. Sure enough, the man walking down the ramp towards the ring where a smirking Landon Maddix is waiting has the right hair, the right make-up, the right clothes and is coming out to one of two choices for the right music. But sunshine, that ain’t Toxxic. “Is that Matt Myers?” Suicide King exclaims disbelievingly, but the Gambling Man shouldn’t be such a doubter, because that’s exactly who it is. The SWF’s most notorious jobber slides under the bottom rope and climbs to the second buckle where he throws his arms wide, palms flat towards the floor in a pose reminiscent of a certain three-time World Champion. “OK, Landon has to be behind this, right?” Francis says. “Agreed.” “But I thought he said he was done with Amy’s family?” the Franchise says in confusion, “on Lockdown he said, I distinctly remember him saying, that he was done with Amy and her family. Now he comes out here running his mouth and trying to provoke her, then -we presume- pays Matt Myers to come out dressed up as her brother, the brother Landon has been publicly declaring his desire to cripple for, oh, the last four months or so?” “Hush Mak,” King says gloomily, hardly relishing yet more ego stroking from Maddix, “it looks like the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’ is about to speak.” Sure enough Myers has requested, nay, demanded a microphone and is now standing facing Landon Maddix who is trying -unsuccessfully, it’s worth noting- to keep a grin off his face. Myers raises the microphone, takes a deep breath, and prepares to speak for the first time in a good few years. “Alright, mate? Cor blimey, I weren’t half mad when you laid a walloping on my sister, know what I mean?” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Come back Dick Van Dyke, all is forgiven,” Francis mutters, putting his head in his hands as Myers manages to murder a British accent even worse than the veteran actor’s disastrous cockney impersonation in ‘Mary Poppins’. The Iraqi crowd don’t seem too happy either, although how they can tell the difference between a genuine British accent and a (maybe deliberately) very poor American attempt is a mystery. Maybe they’re just booing because Landon Maddix is in the ring and smiling. It’s probably a good enough reason. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Punk Rockstar!” Maddix grins, pointing at Myers. “I’m telling you Toxxic, I’m glad you showed up; with Spike Jenkins going all emo we really need another whiny, petulant straight-edger with a liking for appalling music in the federation!” “Shut your bloody mouth Maddix,” Myers-Toxxic responds, mugging horribly, “unless you want me to slap it orf yer flaming face sunshine, ya get me?” “Oh no, I wouldn’t want that!” Maddix says, recoiling in mock horror. “But tell me Toxxic, since you’re here; why has it taken you so long to come and tell me off for sleeping with your sister, huh? I mean you’d have thought that most big brothers would come running when a guy they hated started banging their little sis, but I guess you’re different, right? I mean, was it because you didn’t know what was going on?” “Uh-uh,” fake Toxxic shakes his head, “I’m so completely obsessed with wrestling that I record every show that’s broadcast anywhere in the world and jerk off over it!” “Niiiiiiiiiiice,” Landon grimaces, “so, if you knew that I was banging your sister then why didn’t you do something? Don’t you like her?” “No way!” Myers denies, “I love all my family, gawd bless ‘em every one! Just cos she’s a loud-mouthed bitch with more tits than brains doesn’t mean I don’t care for her!” “Come on Toxxic, be fair,” Landon chides merrily, “no-one could have that much brains! I know some people say that more than a handful is a waste, but mmm-hmm,” the World Champion sighs ostentatiously, “as far as I’m concerned it just means there’s plenty to go in your mouth as well!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Urgh, please,” Mak Francis protests, “more detail than I wanted to know!”. “I hate to say this, but Landon actually has a point…” King admits reluctantly. “LAN-DON SUCKS!” “LAN-DON SUCKS!” The crowd are definitely heating up now, the off-duty GIs in the crowd starting the anti-Maddix chants that spread through the fans and showing that hey, different cultures can work in harmony if only there’s something they both dislike equally to focus against. As plans are abruptly made to ship Ash Ketchum to the Middle East, Landon raises his microphone again. “So Toxxic; if you knew I was sleeping with your sister, and you care for your sister, then what on Earth stopped you from coming back and giving me a jolly good going-over?” the Huron native asks his pseudo-British ‘enemy’, waggling his eyebrows in what he probably thinks is a comedic manner. “Don’t tell me; no Visa?” “Prepare to be proved wrong,” Myers says in response, “no Landon, the reason I didn’t bloody well come back and bloody well beat you in for touching my sister was… because I’m afraid of you!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Surely not!” Landon denies. “No! I don’t believe it! Toxxic, the man everyone knew as a violent, psychotic maniac who’d never back down from a fight as long as he had at least two goons running interference for him? Toxxic why would you be afraid of little ol’ me?” “Well,” Myers says, “because-OOF!” “No, don’t tell me, it’s because of THIS!” Landon shouts, burying his foot in Myers’ gut and doubling him over, causing the former SJL reject to start wheezing. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" “Somehow I don’t think Myers knew this was in the script,” Mak Francis comments. “God, he’s dumb,” King groans. Maddix stands over the hapless Myers, who having been caught completely by surprised has dropped to his knees, completely winded. In the background, Megan seems to be the sole person in the entire country who's amused by all this, while Landon stands over Myers with a smirk. For the time being, possession of the microphone is given to Megan as Landon now stands over the Cosplay Master and holds his arms to the side, hands out, palms flat. The crowd give The Next Generation a hard time, but they've seen nothing yet as Maddix captures Myers' arms in a double underhook and hauls him to his feet. Myers puts up no fight, as Maddix then hauls him up, spinning around and sitting out with the MSS! "'Maddix' Shock Syndrome!" groans Mak. "This is ridiculous, what the hell is he trying to prove here?" Sliding into a seated position, Maddix reclaims the microphone from Megan and leans towards the face-down Matt "Toxxic" Myers. "Thanks buddy...best fourty bucks I ever spent." smiles Landon, before standing up and directing himself towards the hard camera. "Amy, I'd hate to think you're like your brother and fear me after what I did to you on Lockdown. So, here's the deal. By next show, I'll get an open contract written up for a World Title match and I will walk down to this ring. All you have to do, if you have the you-now-whats, is stroll down after me and put your John Q.Stephens on the dotted line. I won't do what I just did to 'your brother'...wink wink...I promise. You come out, you sign the contract, everyone's happy. It's just a question of whether you had enough of me on Lockdown, or if you want another shot. Depende de ti, ya get me?" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon drops the mic down across the back of Myers head, causing him to writhe a little more while the SWF's Power Couple turn and begin to leave. A couple of referees have come down to drag Myers' carcass from the ring, feeling enough time has been wasted on Landon's egomaniacal symbolism. "Our World Champion ladies and gentlemen." bemoans King. "Don't say I didn't warn you all." "We'll be back with something slightly less vomit enducing, next."

I'm glad my promo is on the show now. Hey, everyone, go look at it.

PINN'D I don't know if people plan on keeping this up to date or anything, but if you want I can clean the thread up a little as and when. Obviously, D*LUX and Los Diablos have been bumped, for example.

What's the layout of the set and stage going to be like, Tony?

Dear Darren, Congratulations on being the highest scoring Englishman in top level club football this season. Great job. Unfortunately, you play for Charlton so you're not in the squad. Oh, and you're not on standby either. We have this young 16 year old who'll take the focus off of Wayne and off of the whole 'Wenger/Dean thing'. Better luck next time. Your buddy, Sven. P.S, I'm taking Owen Hargreaves.

1 problem, Rey Mysterio. Also, what's with all the re-signings all of a sudden? It's not like they ever did anything with Akio in the first place, they dropped Haas because they had 'no plans for him'...they fired Hardy for a reason, which I guess has been forgotten if they're trying to re-sign him.

But then they'd lose the stupid dances and just be given the usual by the numbers face and heel gimmicks, fade into obscurity and get jobbed out on Heat and Velocity. At least they stand out from the crowd. I'd take The Spirit Squad over Gunner "Lucky Jobber" Scott, even if Albright is the best worker of the 6. So, The Hurricane was a dumb gimmick, but it beats heel Helms and his 'EVIL sunglasses' hands down. Do you really think Nick Dinsmore would have gotten over (or even out of OVW) if he wasn't Eugene? Look at what happened to The Bashams when they debuted. They had no gimmick, no stand-out qualities and they bored the crap out of everyone. Look at The HeartThrobs when the WWE went nowhere with the gimmick. At least the goofy cheers and the terrible dances are entertaining.

I know I PMed you already, but whatever. Edited a little in the intros, nothing major but major enough.

My computer's in for healthchecking Monday, but I hope to be back online by Thursday...so, hopefully something.

I get the feeling Sven'll take Rooney, if only because he doesn't have a clue how to use anyone else he'd have to replace him with. Assuming he takes Owen, Crouch, Defoe and Bent, there's nobody else who's really got a chance. Johnson never got used properly. Vassell's had a pretty mediocre season. Sheringham would be a good option to throw on for the last 10 minutes if only because of experience, but I wouldn't see him taken. He knows nothing about Beattie. I like Dean Ashton but he's got the hamstring problem and he hasn't been used before. The only striker Sven really knows well enough to take would be Heskey and that'd be the most depressing decision he could make. I'd like to see him take a chance on someone like Ashton, Beattie or even someone like Sheringham who've got some of Rooney's qualities. I don't see it happening though.

I've fallen into 'Train Wreck' mode. I've given up on expecting RAW to be 'good' good and I can get 'good' good wrestling elsewhere, so I'm happy to watch RAW for the 'so bad it's' good. That way, if there's a good match it comes as somewhat of a pleasant surprise. If not, at least my low expectations allow me to enjoy the goofy gimmicks and 'so bad they're' good skits with Vince. Smackdown's been better recently, but the low expectations are the only thing getting me through The Great Khali and were the only thing getting me through The Boogeyman. I don't know if that as 'excited' though.

Wow, what a shitty show. Nah, kidding, just thought I'd change things up a bit, keep you all on your toes. Well no wonder PR didn't show up, nobody uses fax machines anymore! What is this, 1972? Anyway, pretty good post-PPV show. Count me in on being really interested about the SWF angle, although that's probably a given considering I'm an SWF guy myself.

We cut now backstage, to a noticeably dejected Christian Wright who clearly doesn't want to be here tonight. Reading glasses lowered, Wright sits on a bench and flicks emotionlessly through a copy of the Wallstreet Journal, not noticing the door opening beside him. Well, maybe he notices...but he doesn't look up, even as the shadow of The Meterosexual Monster Bohemoth darkens his vision. BOHEMOTH Sup? Wright gives his bodyguard no responce, turning a page in the Journal. BOHEMOTH Look, I know you're mad, but hear me out. Disgruntled is a good word to describe CW, mainly because it's fancy. Removing his reading glasses, Christian folds up the broadsheet paper and stands up. WRIGHT And why, pray tell, should I so much as afford you the time of day, Bohemoth? After your continued incompetence, your mere presence has become more trouble than it's relative worth. Your apologies shall fall on deaf ears, so save your breath and be gone. BOHEMOTH Chris'... WRIGHT SILENCE! I don't wish to hear it! If not for your abandonment of your supposed 'partner', we would this very moment be in possession of the HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions. And lo, instead, they are now within the tenure of two insignificant, wet behind the ears, pop music wannabees! Due to your negligance, Bo, I was defeated by a teeny bopper! And here, you attempt to placate me with mere apologies? HA! I'm afraid you shall require more than merely that to redeem yourself to myself. Now, be gone. Wright angrily sits down, grabbing his paper... BOHEMOTH So, I got us an OAOAST Tag Title shot on May 13th. ...and immediately, the paper reclaims it's place on the floor. WRIGHT Bo, are you ingenuous? BOHEMOTH I dunno, what the hell does it mean? WRIGHT Ingenuous! Honest. Genuine. Sincere. Reliable. Reputable. Consciencious. Ingenuous! BOHEMOTH Oh. Yeah yeah, honest. A sly gleam creeps over Christian's face as he stands up, discarding his glasses completely. WRIGHT Excellent Bo, excellent! The Heavenly Rockers shall be in no condition to resist us after their confrontation with The Sooner Bruisers and come May 13th, no doubt we shall finally ascend to the summit of the OAOAST's tag team division! BOHEMOTH So what, I'm forgiven? WRIGHT We shall attribute our recent performances to mere blips. Consider this a clean slate. BOHEMOTH I'll take that as a yes. *SWF STAR-WIPE~!* COACH Wow, I can't WAIT for May 13th! CABOOSE How the hell did they get a World Tag Team Title shot!?! They're the least deserving team on the roster, they haven't won all year...that's ridiculous! What is Axel smoking? Or maybe that should be who... COLE Easy now.

COLE Alright, let's send it backstage and to Maria~! COACH Oh, yes! Smiling as sweetly as ever, Maria waves to the camera once she realises she's on air. Blowing a kiss to the fans in T.V land, the OAOAST's hottest and most infrequent backstage reporter (damn you all for not using her) turns to her guest, Leon Rodez, who proudly wears the 24/7 Championship over his shoulder once more. Only this time, it's not the spinner belt which presumably has gone back to it's legal owner Vitamin X, replaced instead with the 'classic' 24/7 strap. MARIA Leon, on Sunday night nothing happened because the show was late, but on Tuesday morning you won the OAOAST 24/7 Title for the second time. If you escape without losing tonight, you'll have held the belt longer than last time. How does that make you feel? LEON Pretty good, thank you for asking. I'm still a little sore in places and I haven't yet erased the vision of Jim Ross in swim shorts from my memory, but being the 24/7 Champion again nulls the pain sufficently for these pearly whites to be on display. And you know, it's been a bit of a rough week personally. Suffice to say that Run For The Gold 2 was a fitting send-off for myself and Alix Maria Spezia's relationship. After nearly five beautiful, fantastic, sweaty months, she's decided to move on and unfortunately I must do the same. I felt down about it for a few days. But luckily, I'm experienced in 'loving and leaving', if you will. Granted, the loving doesn't usually last five months, but I'm ready to move on and ready to embark on a slightly more successful 24/7 Title reign this time around. So, Alix, it was great while it lasted and I'll never forget those months we spent together and I'll see you when you get out on parole. Maria looks shocked, but Leon laughs it off. LEON I kid, I kid. She's got a great lawyer. So, next question? MARIA Uhm... They told me to ask you about May 13th. What's that about? LEON May 13th. May 13th, it's happening again, May 13th Maria, May 13th, you know what happened, May 13th, May 13th you remember, May 13th, you know what you did, May 13th, it's happening again, ooooohh May 13th boogie woogie loogie... Leon shakes himself back into the real world. LEON Maria, as you so insightfully mentioned May 13th is gonna be the date for the grand debut of OAOAST Syndicated, a very special Saturday night show that's on Syndicated T.V...I guess. I dunno, I figure they must have had some reason for the name. Anyway, May 13th is OAOAST Syndicated. And I've just had some great news from OAOAST Front Office, because they've very kindly begged ME to do something big on the show. Now, I've been busy with certain 'issues' these past few weeks so I've kinda neglected something very close to me, but Syndicated will indeed mark the return of the Angle Award winning Love Shack! Live and in the middle of that OAOAST ring, I get to interview my little sister's team D*LUX. They won the HI-YAH World Tag Titles apparantly. I'm so proud of her, making a success of her life, what with her inferior intelligence and everything, so she gets the first Love Shack back. A new set, a new location, a new clothes budget, maybe even a new fancy graphic, who knows? So, May 13th should be a whole lot of fun. MARIA Why, what's happening on May 13th? ..... LEON Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes? MARIA *giggles* LEON There we go. Now, anything else you wanna ask me about, seeing as I'm here? Placing a finger in her mouth and sticking out her tongue, Maria does into deep, [i]deep[/i] thought. Leon passes the time by tapping his fingers on his thigh, humming along to some imaginary music, until a lightbulb suddenly illuminates over Maria's head. MARIA I know! Which do you like better, butter or I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? LEON ... MARIA My mom says that real butter is better but I don't know why, because I can't tell the difference. LEON ...you know, you remind me of someone. Maria doesn't seem to 'get it', but smiles anyway. LEON So, I'm gonna go now. If anyone walks past with a referee and asks where I am, tell them I'm in the bathroom. Infact, better make it the women's bathroom, just incase I need a stop-off. You're a sweetie. Winking and making a 'winking sound' for added impact, away turns Leon and going back to his whimsical humming. Once she's sure Leon's back is turned though, a sudden change overcomes Maria. Like something out of Jeckyl and Hyde, Maria turns EVIL~!, calling over handily placed referee Charles Robinson before rushing up behind Leon and BOOTING HIM IN THE JUNK! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What the hell!?! Maria!?! CABOOSE Holy crap, [i]everyone[/i] wants that 24/7 Title! Maria gleefuly jumps on top of Leon, Charles skidding over... 1... 2... NO, Kickout! Scrambling to his feet, one hand on his junk the other clutching his belt, Leon scuttles off down the corridor and into the distance as Maria sits up and pulls an adorable sulky pout at not winning the title. COLE Haha, oh my, can you believe that? Maria almost won the 24/7 Championship! Even announcers are getting in on the act now, Leon isn't safe anywhere! CABOOSE Hey, if Todd Pettingil can win the belt, why not one of us? COACH YEAH! CABOOSE Not you. COACH Awwww.

Opening promo, right here! EDIT: Also, if the main event is traditional Lucha rules, tags can be automatically made when one member of a team falls to the floor. If it's not, please ignore me and carry on with your lives as normal. Thank you.

That first match seems like it's booked to be CZW vs. ROH and so everyone's expecting Niles and Frazier to team up to eliminate Daniels, in order to get each other one on one. Obvious setup for Daniels to advance against the odds.

Like everyone else, PROMOania.

Hmm, wouldn't have guessed, knowing Bruce's writing style (meaning his spacing rather than his content). But yeah, good for him and Rando for getting involved, always good to have 'new'ns' on board.

X-Division Fourway I'm proud to say I can keep up pretty well with PFL's chain wrestling. How the non-indy marks keep up, I don't know. I thought a quesadora was an armdrag variation, not a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Could be wrong. A typically insane PFL match, loads of crazy spots, great stuff. Hopefully it becomes more than a one-show comeback. And hey, my guy won. Even better! HI-YAH 3-Way Tag Title Match Congratulations to me for making the result so predictable. Again, I couldn't get into it so it's not all that great. Run For The Gold II Me again! Well, half me, credit to Patty for getting it going. Good stuff methinks. GPX vs. SWFREPRESENT~! I knew it all along. Possibly because I was told, possibly because I'm a mind-reading genius. You decide. Nice to see a little more rawness out of The GPX. I'm impressed that Triple C knew who the SWF guys were. Especially Bloodshed, he's not really that big of a name (OMG worked shoot!). I can't tell if it's Zack or Rando writing...it's not Bruce's writing style, unless he switched up. Possibly Rando. Either way, good stuff. I'm real interested in where this is going and I'm interested to see if and/or what Rando and Bruce bring. Naturally though, this would have been better with the SWF World Champion's input *coughcough*. That being me, obviously. OAOAST Syndicated should be cool. Just call me Mr Insider Information. Rest later. Me sleep now.

Nobody's going to buy Rey as Champion for a simple reason. It's not his size, it's moveset. The Seated Senton is the worst move in the company (The 5 Knuckle Shuffle being second, only because Cena changed it up on Monday), The 619 can't be sold properly by anyone, his finisher is a rana or sometimes even a weak legdrop. They're sticking him against Mark Henrys and JBLs and it's so business exposing because the only thing Rey has in his arsenal that looks like it's even remotely damaging are his kicks to the hamstrings (OMGDANGERUUUSSS!). The same would happen with Booker, with Lashley, with Taker, with Batista when he comes back, with Khali god forbid. It even happened with Orton to an extent. It's too far fetched for him to be winning 20 minute matches with 3 headscissors, sitting gently on someone's chest from a height and a crappy legdrop. And we're not even taking into consideration his slow transformation into "Rey Guerrero"

No Cheech!?! My money's on the money man Claudio. Probably with some interference from Hero in the final, which'd likely be against Daniels. Shoulda been Cheech's year though.

I don't care what anyone says, the Vince stuff was in the realm of 'so bad it was good'. I marked out for the return of The Cat's music in particular. Now the stuff with Kane, THAT's bad. It's as bad as the stuff with Vince and God, except there's no explanations given for the unbelievable stuff and there's no comedic value, intentional or otherwise.

Immigrants march in protest in the U.S and they fly U.S flags. Immigrants march in the UK and they encourage death and burn flags. You guys are lucky, at least most people come to your country and respect it rather than here where they come because it's the easiest place to get into.

Just to be clear, Hero punching a fan is pretty out of character. ROH stepped over the line with the first staged fan riot involving Homicide and crew. Soured me on ROH for a long time. Works like that always suck. Fan interaction is good so long as it's in good fun. Wrestlers mocking people is all good. Wrestlers touching fans shouldn't be completely taboo (hell, Delirious 'mistaking' fans for CM Punk and 'choking' them out is one of the funniest things I've seen in wrestling), so long as it's all in good humour.

I KNEW I was forgetting to do something these past few weeks. Eh, when it becomes "ECW" I guess I'll have to find time to restart the recaps regularly what with everyone apparantly so interested in this for whatever reason.