Ace309

I have it on reliable evidence that Edwin takes it up the ass.

Landon, go to your room. Johnny, it's not polite to fight back. You're both going to bed without your supper tonight.

If you lack plans, post here or PM someone to ask to set up a PPV match. If you have plans, either post here or PM Mike.

Section.

Johnny's not a heel, no. On the other hand, Hawke and Dangerous have some history as opponents, and so while it's not logical booking in the Hayhurstian jurisprudence's sense of the term, it falls under the "Wacky tag partners who hate each other" exemption under 13 S.W.F. Booking Law 2803, "Proper tag-team booking (§ 15)." It also qualifies for the "Weird Stipulation Exemption" under 2803 § 17 (the "Danny Williams provision"), which provides in relevant part that in stipulations where all partners are in the ring at once, and where violence against a tag team partner is equally likely as violence against the opponent, grudging working-together is the proper means by which to convey the team property of the two independent wrestlers, and that failure to do this fails to qualify as "proper ring psychology" under 1 S.W.F. Booking Law § 1 ("Terms, Definitions and Ways to Screw With Johnny").

Johnnie Walker Black, neat. Just leave the bottle.

That's right, I'm blatantly stealing something else from King. Get over it. For a variety of reasons, I'm irritable and PO'd today. Cheer me up and I will bestow blessings upon you.

I'll take it pro Bono. Pay me in U2 CDs.

You'd be surprised how many people called and asked for the legislator, or who wrote thank-you letters for the wonderful personal correspondence.

The letter you got from your state legislator was written by a high schooler, edited by a college kid and stamped by his chief of staff. He looked at it, once, the first time they mailed the form letter, six months ago.

*chortle* Limey. +1.

There's a great commercial I just saw on the Food Network for Cars.com. This guy's sitting there listing his car, and his wife goes, "Who'd want to buy your lime-green hatchback?" Your car is legendary, man. Legendary.

9:37 PM Vatican time. It's 11:05 Vatican Time and 4:05 Eastern now, so about 2:37 Eastern.

Signs his checks "SIKE LOL2004" V

What can I say? I'm naive. Half-drunk already, and it's only 6:15 AM. VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Minor celebration held here.

Sigh. Amateur wrestling's never going to catch on.

Congrats on making the top 10, too, K-man. I wasn't sure if you were still reading, but damn, nice job.

The Pope has received last rites once before (after he was shot), according to my local Fox affiliate's noon news show yesterday. Today's morning show has basically consisted of Popewatch 2005. One of my friends has money on a Cuban cardinal becoming the next Pope, although I'm personally thinking that they'll replace John Paul with a cardinal from Africa.

Fucking hardcore marks. Ladies and gentlemen, I salute you. Your next beer is on me.

(6:11pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) Then you're a lucky Superior One, aren't you? She'll get mad when she finds out that I'm a rudo in bed. (6:12pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) BACKDROPAAAAAAAAAH~!? * SuperiorOne pulls hair, slaps her around, then cums on her face and denies it. I actually don't, but it's funny. * SuperiorOne shaves his pubes so that he can complain of having his pubic hair pulled every time he gets laid (6:14pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) You want some odd things out of sex, Tom * SuperiorOne also cheats to finish first. I start as a face on the date, opening doors, bringing flowers and stuff then in bed I turn heel anally. (6:17pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) I'm just anal "Tom, that's my ass!" "No it's not. And anyway, I get a five-count." (6:18pm) (Toxxic_Sucks) That needs to be set as a topic

Wildchild was WAY overdue for his shot. Unfortunately, W&D is a bit due for a defense as well, so hopefully that'll work out soon. Toxxic was getting antsy to defend, and with Johnny having just won the new belt, he wasn't available. I realize Cortez hasn't had much success lately, but he DID just have a real-life injury (how's the back, man? I know it's a bitch), and he's been in line for a Jésus push for a while. Todd also made an admirable showing against Toxxic's win for Pretzler last night, and it shook out nicely. Koran got the night off because I didn't have anything for him to do that someone else wouldn't fit better. Yeah, I could have had him fight Johnson, but Manson presents a better stylistic matchup, and I think this Johnson guy's got a good mind for wrestling. Griffon vs. Li'l Buck... well, it's a big fat white guy against a rapper. How could I not? And yeah, I'll admit it. I gave Fasaki and Hawke cruiserweight rules for the sole purpose of seeing if Memphis Heels Anonymous' newest twelve-stepper can resist throwing Hawke over the top rope when the ref isn't looking. I LOVE YOU EJIRO!!!!!! ::

I apologize for the lacking descriptions. I'd been up since 8:30 AM Tuesday, less a two-hour nap Wednesday morning. And Muzz, sorry, but I couldn't find anyone willing to work with you.

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation presents... SWF SMARKDOWN, MONDAY, APRIL 4, 2005, LIVE FROM THE METRAPARK ARENA IN BILLINGS, MONTANA! (8:00 PM EST; 5:00 PM PST. Check local listings.) Send everything to Chuck Woolery The SWF travels to Big Sky Country as Smarkdown invades the Metrapark Arena in Billings, Montana! Toxxic, on the heels of a victory by Scott Pretzler, defends against another wrestler who failed to pick up the duke in that deadly four-way. Mak and Spike give it another shot! All this and more on SMARKDOWN! Opening Promo: JOHNNY DANGEROUS! World Championship Toxxic © vs. Todd Cortez ~ It’s been a long time coming for Todd Cortez. He’s been at the top of the midcard for a long time and finally gets his chance at glory. Will he take home the gold, or will Toxxic continue his dominant streak? Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: chirs3 Cruiserweight Title “The Critic” Scott Pretzler © vs. Wildchild ~ Wildchild just wants his shot, yo. There's no love lost between these two, from Wildchild attacking Pretzler when he was commentating to Pretzler making WC tap in the fatal four-way last week. Finally, they settle it one on one! Rules: Standard with cruiserweight addenda – 20-count on the outside, and throwing an opponent over the top rope is disqualifiable. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Chuck Woolery World Title Contendership – Pure Rules “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. “The Franchise” Mak Francis Special Referee: Tom Flesher ~ Try again, boys. Rules: Pure Wrestling rules with the rope breaks and the punching and the NICE LADY! Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Ace309 Cruiserweight Match Ejiro Fasaki vs. “The Dean of Professional Wrestling” Jay Hawke ~ God, I love Ejiro. Don't you love Ejiro? Jay Hawke might not. They're not exactly the best of friends, and while Hawke is an old-school purist, Ejiro is trying desperately to shake his demons. Let's see how this one works out. Rules: Cruiserweight rules. Word Limit: 4000 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom Singles Match Arch Griffon vs. Li’l Buck ~ Arch Griffon is successful. Li'l Buck is a rapper. Eh, whatever. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3500 Send To: Justice You Jerk That Curtain! Manson vs. JJ Johnson ~ Manson plays welcome wagon to JJ Johnson, a silent but deadly mixed martial artist! Rules: Standard Word Limit: 3500 Send To: Dace59

“We’re here in Idaho-” “-and dear God is it boring,” Suicide King cuts Longdogger Pete off before the play-by-play man can get too into it. “Come on, the most interesting thing about Idaho is that it has the word ‘ho’ in the name.” “That’s not true!” Pete protests. “Given time I’m sure I can think of something interesting about Idaho!” A few seconds pass. “Tell you what, let’s have the main event while we wait,” King sighs as the camera shifts to show the dapper-suited Funyon standing in the middle of the ring. The ring announcer raises the microphone to his lips and begins to speak in his sonorous voice. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is tonight’s MAIN EVENT~, scheduled for one fall and is a Fatal Four-Way match,” Funyon intones. “Introducing first, hailing from Hollywood Boulevard…” …the lights go down and the pulsing beats of ‘Breathe’ by Fabulous start to thud out of the PA system, causing the capacity crowd to get to their feet and begin cheering. Green spotlights shine and strobe along the length of the arena, then- *BOOOM!* -pyro erupts up from the soundstage and the figure of Martial Law’s rising star appears and begins waving his arms to incite the crowd to yet greater volumes! “…he weighs in at 226lbs and is a member of Martial Law,” Funyon continues, “the ‘Urban Legend’… TODD… CORRRR-TEEEEEZZZZZ!!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cortez finishes pumping the crowd up and marches down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as he goes. One young fan has a large, hand-made sign proclaiming ‘MARTIAL LAW KICK ASS!’ which Todd pauses at briefly to take and point at, encouraging the camera to zoom in on the statement before handing it back and ruffling the kid’s hair. “What a great role model Todd Cortez is for the young fans of the SWF,” Longdogger Pete states as the Urban Legend slides under the ropes and pops back up to his feet. “This young man-” “-like Toxxic,” King cuts in. “-holds his straight-edge beliefs close-” Pete continues doggedly. “-like Toxxic.” “-and has enjoyed considerable success-” Pete raises his voice slightly in an attempt to talk over his partner- “-but not as much as Toxxic,” King finishes with satisfaction. “C’mon, he’s Toxx-Lite. What can he say that Toxxic can’t?” “You can talk to him for five minutes without your skin itching?” Pete suggests acidly. “Don’t blame Toxxic for your poor personal hygiene.” Todd Cortez removes his cross and kisses it before handing it over the ropes to the timekeeper, and before inter-commentator bitching can proceed any further the distinctive opening to Redman’s ‘Let’s Get Dirty’ firing up over the PA system. ‘ATTENTION!’ ‘ALL YOU NIGGAZ!’ ‘ALL YOU BITCHES!’ ‘TIME TO PUT DOWN THE CRISTAL, TIME TO TAKE OF THE ICE FOR A MINUTE…’ ‘TIME TO THROW A LITTLE MUD IN THIS MOTHERFUCKA…’ “And from the Bahamas,” Funyon booms as a distinctive figure with heavy black facepaint and his hair in braids bounces out onto the soundstage, “weighing in tonight at 214lbs; he is one half of the SWF Tag Team Champions… WIIIIIILLLLLLLLD-CHIIIIIIILLLLLLLLD!!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Wildchild salutes the fans as the entire Idaho Center rises to its feet in support of one of the most talented high-flyers in the SWF today. The Bahaman Bomber then tears down to the ring, completing a lap of honour and slapping hands with as many fans as he can before leaping into the ring and popping upright. He takes his tag belt off and hands it to referee Uriah Rennie before shaking hands with Funyon and exchanging a respectful, if not overtly friendly nod with Todd Cortez. The Urban Legend moves over to Wildchild and begins speaking to him quietly; the Tag Champion nods again and seems to be listening to his opponent. “Look at those two, discussing strategy,” King protests, “they’re trying to get an unfair advantage!” “What, you don’t think that the last two competitors in this match will have discussed strategy beforehand?” Pete snorts. “I doubt they’ve done much else for the last few days!” Even as the Miami Menace finishes speaking the lights in the arena abruptly white out, as does the Smarktron. For a few moments all that can be heard is the faint *skritch-skritch* of a needle on vinyl. Then: ‘WEL-WEL-W-W-WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!’ The deep voice booms out over the Idaho Center and the crunching guitars of ‘Battle Ready’ by Otep immediately kick up. A few seconds later the drums come in and- *BOOOM!!* -lightning apparently spears down from the heavens to ignite a blast of red pyro on the entrance stage, further deafening the nearby fans. For a moment all that can be seen is smoke and flash afterimage, but then three figures appear. “And from Toronto, Ontario, Canada,” Funyon booms, “weighing in at 226lbs and representing Revolution Zero, he is the SWF Cruiserweight Champion; ‘The Critic’, SCOTT… PRETZ-LERRRR!! And from Nottingham, England, weighing in at 218lbs and being accompanied by Jet; he is the leader of Revolution Zero and the SWF World Heavyweight Champion; ‘The Straight-Edge Sensation’… TOXXXX-IIIIIIIIC!!” Pretzler and Toxxic walk down the ramp side-by-side with Jet bringing up the rear. The Critic is wearing his usual ring attire of navy blue short tights while Toxxic is favouring his baggy trousers and his customised England soccer shirt in support of his country’s World Cup Qualifier against Azerbaijan that was played earlier in the evening. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “And here we have the villains of the piece,” Longdogger Pete asserts with no undue sense of drama, “Toxxic and Pretzler. Toxxic’s influence on this federation has been wide-ranging and unfortunate, and although several years older Pretzler appears to be trying to follow in his leader’s footsteps - only last show we saw him viciously assault Wildchild after Toxxic had used mace and brass knuckles to beat the Bahaman Bomber in a match!” “But you’re forgetting, that match was No-DQ,” King points out. “The mace and brass knucks were legal!” “Was the beatdown ‘legal’?” LDP protests as the three active members of Rev-0 enter the ring, Pretzler by climbing the steps and Toxxic by simply rolling under the bottom rope. “Sure it was,” King asserts, “in fact I think it was even in Pretzler’s contract!” The Gambling Man rummages under the announce desk and pulls out a piece of paper. “Here we are… yes, see, I was right. ‘Under the Terms and Conditions’, blah blah blah… ‘you are contractually obliged to stiff the shit out of Wildchild.’” “That’s your grocery bill!” *DING-DING-DING!* The match bell goes but all four men are still in the ring, uncertain who’s going to begin the match! Wildchild’s eyes are flicking between Toxxic and Pretzler, evidently wishing to get his hands on one or both of them as soon as possible. However, Todd Cortez steps up to him and speaks quietly again, and with bad grace Wildchild nods and steps through the ropes to the outside. Toxxic and Pretzler also hold a quick discussion, and after a few seconds it is The Critic who exits the ring and leaves the World Champion in to begin the match with the Urban Legend. “This must be odd for Wildchild, not starting the match for once,” LDP comments. “But this isn’t a tag match, it’s a Fatal Four-Way,” King reminds his commentary partner. “Oh please,” Pete sneers, “you think Revolution Zero aren’t gonna treat this like a tag match?” The two straight-edgers circle each other, neither one looking to make the first move. Toxxic cracks his neck from side-to-side, then cautiously starts to advance with his arms raised for a lock-up. Cortez seems willing to oblige… but then lashes out with a hard kick that cracks into the Brit’s left thigh! “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” Cortez smiles tightly at his fellow straight-edger and invites the World Champion in to try again. Toxxic’s eyes narrow as the Martial Law member mocks him and he moves in, but this time before Todd can react the Straight-Edge Sensation dives and rolls forward, picking Cortez’ right leg as he does so and coming up to his feet with Todd’s foot in his grasp and his opponent on his back! Toxxic immediately steps on Cortez’ right wrist to neutralise his arm, then releases his foot and takes hold of his trapped hand instead. As Todd tries to figure out what to do about this new angle of attack Toxxic rolls forward again, this time straight across the startled Urban Legend’s chest to bring him over onto his front, then quickly applies a Fujiwara armbar! “Revolution one, Martial Law nil,” King smirks. “You mean Revolution Zero,” Pete sniffs. “Stop being so immature.” Toxxic leans all his weight back, trying to hyperextend Cortez’ elbow and inflict as much pain as possible on Revolution Zero’s long-time nemesis/punching bag. Todd isn’t going to take this without a fight however, and he attempts to muscle his way up and out of the hold. Toxxic tries to hold him down but Cortez is determined and starts to push himself up to his feet. In order to try and maintain some sort of leverage advantage Toxxic is forced to rise with him, but before the Urban Legend can utilise his new position Toxxic shifts his grip and corkscrews himself through the air, twisting the arm in its socket and driving Cortez facefirst back into the canvas! Toxxic immediately looks around for Pretzler and finds the Critic only an arm’s length away, reaching over the top rope and waiting for the tag! *smak!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Todd Cortez finds himself brought back up to his feet by not one but two pairs of hands; hands that quickly whip him off the far ropes! As he rebounds Toxxic and Pretzler leap into the air and hit a split-second-perfect double dropkick on the Martial Law member, then exchange a quick high-five as Toxxic steps back out through the ropes. The crowd are naturally incensed by this flouting of the spirit of competition, but Pretzler quickly reacts in the best way he knows how - applying a submission hold! “BORR-ING!” “Beautiful Octopus Stretch there,” Suicide King comments as Pretzler pretzels Cortez. “Much, much better than Mark’s.” “Oh, be quiet…” Scott Pretzler continues to twist at Todd Cortez’ arm as he cinches the standing Octopus Stretch in tight, but is also compressing the straight-edger’s ribs and wrenching his neck as hard as he can as well. Cortez struggles for all he’s worth but Pretzler’s technique is second to none in the current SWF and despite his best efforts the Martial Law member is going nowhere. Wildchild looks on with some concern as Pretzler torques the hold for all he’s worth; Cortez is a tough and resilient competitor, but on top of the risk of a sudden tap-out Wildchild is well aware of the consequences of being alone with two Rev-0 members should Cortez be taken out of the running early. Consequently it is one of Todd’s opponents who starts banging his hand on the turnbuckle in the hope of rallying the fans behind him. “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” The fans of Boise, Idaho are doing their vocal best but the Urban Legend is still in trouble. With one final effort to escape the punishing hold Todd Cortez simply throws himself backwards, overbalancing both him and Pretzler… but although they land with a bang the Critic grits his teeth and keeps his hold applied, and now Todd Cortez has played his last card! “This one could be over real quick,” King comments. “I don’t think Todd Cortez is getting out of that one!” Wildchild has other ideas, however. Before referee Rennie can so much as bark out an order to stop the Human Hurricane has not only vaulted to the top rope but jumped straight off to land a flying elbow in the sternum of Scott Pretzler! The impact causes the Critic to release his hold and Wildchild immediately scrambles back to his corner, then reaches his hand over the top rope to try and tag himself in. However, Cortez is having a bit of trouble breathing after the punishing Octopus Stretch and it is Pretzler who rises to his feet first. The Critic is half-winded himself but has no problem in berating Wildchild for his interference. Wildchild curtly answers back, his words drowned out by the crowd noise - and Scott Pretzler slaps him across the face, then ducks out through the ropes and indicates to Uriah Rennie that he made a tag! Rennie seems less than pleased at the disrespectful manner of it but reluctantly signals to the Bahaman Bomber that he is now the legal man and is at risk of being counted out. Grudgingly, the fuming Tag Champion steps through the ropes and looks at Todd Cortez, who has now pulled himself back up to his feet. “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Crowd support is divided, but it is clear that the fans in attendance want one of these two men to win the match. Cortez raises his arms and invites Wildchild in for a lock-up, and despite his strength disadvantage the Bahaman Bomber obliges. The two hook up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up, push at each other for a moment… then suddenly break apart and dash away to tag in Pretzler and Toxxic! *smak!* *smak!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cortez and Wildchild step through the ropes, grinning from ear to ear as the two Revolution Zero members looks dubiously at each other from across the ring. Referee Rennie demands that they enter the ring and lock-up, audibly reminding the pair that they have to have physical contact before they can tag out. “Wildchild and Cortez have outsmarted Revolution Zero,” Pete says, clearly pleased, “and now maybe we’ll see a truly competitive match!” “You never outsmart Revolution Zero,” King insists, “you just get slightly less behind for a while.” Toxxic and Pretzler stop in the middle of the ring, still clearly unsure what to do. Finally they shrug and shake hands… then immediately turn and run back to opposite corners to tag Cortez and Wildchild back in! However, the canny Bahaman Bomber and Urban Legend have dropped off the apron and Pretzler and Toxxic’s tagging hands swing at thin air! “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “PWNED~!” Pete shouts. “…how do you pronounce that, exactly?” King asks curiously. “You heard me!” the Longdogger replies. Toxxic and Scott Pretzler turn and look each other with resignation on their faces. Under the disapproving stare of Uriah Rennie the reluctant stablemates advance on each other and raise their arms before plunging forwards into a lock-up. Both men push but Scott Pretzler seems to have the strength advantage and manages to slowly propel Toxxic back to a neutral corner. Rennie steps in and calls for the break the moment the Straight-Edge Sensation touches the ropes, and Scott Pretzler immediately obliges and backs off to allow his leader to come out of the corner. Toxxic does so, cracking his neck again and fixing the Critic with a steady gaze, then moves in for another lock-up… but this time Pretzler performs a single-leg takedown and dumps the Brit flat onto his back! The crowd begin to cheer this evidence of competition but stop in their tracks as Pretzler backs off and waits for his leader to rise. Toxxic does so, glaring at the Canadian, but then turns to the referee and begins complaining that Pretzler pulled his hair! “What the…” Pete says in confusion. Some of the crowd are starting to catch on though, and a few scattered boos are heard in the Idaho Center. Once more the two Revolution Zero members go for a lock-up, and this time Toxxic comes out on top by twisting out with an armwringer applied. Pretzler looks uncomfortable, but then the Straight-Edge Sensation wrenches the arm over his head for a second rotation and- “AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!” -Scott Pretzler yells in apparent agony. Toxxic pauses, looking confused, then reverses his movement back to the single twist and starts apologising to his stablemate. Pretzler waves the apologies away with a long-suffering look on his face, and now the crowd are really starting to get riled. “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “They’re not…” Pete trails off, then starts speaking again with renewed vigour. “They are! They’re making fun of this whole match!” “Oh come on, isn’t it great?” King says, chuckling. “At least they’re enjoying themselves in there!” Scott Pretzler has evidently had enough of Toxxic’s excruciatingly painful armwringer as he rolls through the hold and comes up to his feet before applying his own with such vigour that Toxxic somersaults forward and lands on his back. The Straight-Edge Sensation spins himself around on his back and manages to come to his feet behind the Critic, locking in a hammerlock as he goes. Pretzler is unfazed and manages to slip out of the hold, ending up behind Toxxic with a hammerlock applied to the World Champion. The Canadian then steps on the back of Toxxic’s knee to bring his leader down to a kneeling position before releasing the hammerlock to apply a cravate instead. “Well, that’s a bit better…” Pete mutters, but the crowd is still unconvinced. Toxxic reaches up and begins to prise at Scott Pretzler’s fingers, managing to unlock them and force the Cruiserweight Champion’s arms apart before snapping sideways and taking the Canadian over with an armdrag! Pretzler comes back to his feet quickly but Toxxic is far faster and takes him over with another armdrag, then as Scott wobbles up slightly unsteadily Toxxic grabs him with a headlock and pops his hips to take the Critic over onto his back. “YOU BOTH SUCK!” the fans chant, but it now sounds to be more motivated by generic hatred rather than the outrage of a paying spectator who is being made fun of. Scott Pretzler is unused to being on his back on the mat, and it quickly shows; the Critic wraps both arms around Toxxic’s torso and uses what leverage he can to roll the slightly lighter Brit onto his own back so his shoulders touch down! Uriah Rennie dives to count… ONE! TW- -but Toxxic manages to escape the pinning combination and get back up to a sitting position, only for Pretzler to reach up with his legs and apply a headscissors. He literally pulls Toxxic off until the Brit has his head well and truly trapped between Pretzler’s legs. Unfazed, Toxxic leans his weight forward and performs a headstand, then jerks backwards and ‘pops’ his head free before diving forwards at Pretzler - but the Critic simply snares him in a headlock and takes him over! Some of the more technical-minded crowd members applaud the Canadian’s quick-thinking as he squeezes the head of his leader… but then Toxxic reaches up a finger and taps him on the shoulder. Pretzler immediately releases his grip and the two men sit up and begin an earnest discussion, seemingly going over their upcoming moves as the crowd goes rabid. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “I don’t believe this,” Pete says, placing his head in his hands. “The main event of Lockdown and they’re clowning around…” “Oh, tell me the Carnival didn’t pull this from time to time!” Suicide King snaps, then adds “and mean it!” as Pete opens his mouth again. With their conversation apparently finished Toxxic lies back down and Scott Pretzler reapplies the headlock! This of course simply riles the crowd up to even greater fury, but the two Revolution Zero members couldn’t seem to care less; this time it is Toxxic who reaches up with his legs to apply a headscissors to Pretzler and pulls the Critic off him, but instead of trying to free himself from his leader’s grasp Scott simply bridges forwards and lands on top of the straight-edger for a pin… ONE! TWO!! …but Toxxic wraps his arms around Pretzler’s waist and bridges up, then twists around to take the Canadian down with a backslide! ONE! TWO!! Pretzler kicks out and both men get to their feet… then pause for another brief discussion! “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” However, in the midst of the abuse Pretzler suddenly moves, jabbing Toxxic in the chest with his index finger! The World Champion topples backwards like a fallen… well, sapling really… and Pretzler draws his thumb across his throat in the universal symbol for the end! Grabbing Toxxic’s right ankle the Critic begins to spin, applying the submisison known throughout the world as the Spinning Toehold! Toxxic immediately begins to yell in pain and pound the canvas… “OW!” the Straight-Edge Sensation bellows at the top of his lungs. “OUCH! YOU’RE HURTING!” “Please God, make it stop…” the Longdogger pleads while King nearly chokes on his popcorn from laughter. “ARRGH! JESU-” Toxxic begins, then casts a quick look at Todd Cortez and changes his mind. “MYTHICAL SON OF AN OUTMODED THEOLOGICAL CONCEPT!” the Brit yells instead, confusing most of the audience but undoubtedly pissing Cortez off even further. However, even the straight-edge conditioning of the World Champion can take only so much, and after his atheistic expression of pain Toxxic slumps backwards, apparently passing out. Uriah Rennie clearly doesn’t believe it at all, but Pretzler is demanding that he check Toxxic and with a grumbled complaint the SWF official moves forward to do his job. He raises Toxxic’s arm once… …and it falls limply to the canvas. “Wait a minute…” Pete hisses as Wildchild and Cortez exchange startled glances. Surprised, Rennie raises Toxxic’s black-nailed hand once more and lets it drop… …and once more, it tumbles to the mat. Sighing, the referee raises it one more time- “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” -and Wildchild springs over the top rope and charges at Pretzler, determined to avoid the screwjob ending! Unfortunately for the man from the Bahamas Pretzler was expecting him, and the Cruiserweight Champion whirls around to floor his Number One Contender with a lariat! Meanwhile Cortez has also stepped into the ring and started to charge, but with his leg newly released by his stablemate Toxxic wastes no time in completing a ‘miraculous’ recovery by kipping up and then launching himself back into the air to take the onrushing Cortez down with a spinning heelkick! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “It was a setup! A damn setup!” Pete yells in anger as the two Rev-0 members flash a grin at each other before turning back to their downed opponents. “They knew that would sucker Cortez and Wildchild in! Who booked this match, anyway!?” *cough*Raynor[/i][/i]*cough*[/i][/i] “I should have known it would be one of yours,” Pete hisses. “I said nothing,” King replies smugly. Pretzler and Toxxic have both dragged their respective opponents up to a vertical base, then begin pounding them with right hands! Moments later the two Revolution Zero representatives grab Wildchild and Cortez and go to Irish whip them diagonally across the ring and into each other, but Wildchild manages to reverse the move on Pretzler and it is the Critic and the Urban Legend who collide head-on in the middle of the ring! Toxxic looks shocked for a moment but not for long as Wildchild runs forward, vaults off the back of the stunned Pretzler and nails the Straight-Edge Sensation with a leg lariat! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Wildchild immediately pops back to his feet and leaps into the air, hitting a standing moonsault on the downed World Champion and hooking the leg for the pin… but Uriah Rennie angrily reminds the Bahaman Bomber that he is not the legal man! Frustrated, Wildchild jumps back up and grabs Scott Pretzler to drag the Critic to the nearest corner, then steps outside the ropes and officially tags himself in before leaping back into the ring and heading for Toxxic! The Brit is still doubled-over as he rises from the mat, so Wildchild leaps into the air and- *WHAM!* “-Caribbean Cutter!” Longdogger Pete shouts as the Bahaman uses his right leg to drive Toxxic’s face into the canvas. Wildchild rolls Toxxic over and goes for the pin… ONE! TWO!! TH- -broken up by Todd Cortez! The crowd don’t know whether to cheer or boo that, so they settle for a mixture as Wildchild gets back to his feet and angrily shoves the Urban Legend. Cortez shoves back, arguing that it’s still every man for himself… and Toxxic takes Wildchild over with a schoolboy! ONE! TW- -broken up by Cortez again! This time he brings Toxxic back up to his feet and wraps an arm around the neck of the World Champion before dropping to his knees into the Cereal Killer, a move that sends the Brit rolling away across the ring in agony… but Cortez is brought up short by Uriah Rennie who reminds him that he is not legal either, and must leave the ring! Todd protests but unwillingly obliges as Wildchild scampers after the pained Toxxic and hooks him up, then rolls into a La Magistral cradle… ONE! TWO!! THHHHRRR- -but Toxxic kicks out again! Wildchild wastes no time and fires off a right hand into his opponent’s ribs as Toxxic rises to his knees, then hooks the Brit in a front facelock and brings him up to his feet. The Bahaman Bomber takes a moment to set himself before hoisting Toxxic up and spinning around, then dumping the straight-edger down with the Corkscrew Suplex. With the World Champion on his back Wildchild runs to a neutral corner and springs to the top rope in one fluid motion, then flies off and twists through the air before crashing down with the Andros Drop! *BANG!* “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Wildchild quickly hooks the leg for the pin and Uriah Rennie drops to count… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR- -but Todd Cortez breaks it up again! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” Todd starts to retreat to the outside having completed his task, but Wildchild isn’t happy with the Urban Legend’s interference and nails him with a forearm in the back! Cortez is staggered but not toppled by the blow and he whips around to face the Caribbean Cruiserweight, then lashes out with a- *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” -knife-edge chop! Wildchild stumbles back and Todd fires off two more- *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” -then scoots behind the stunned Tag Champion and hoists him up and over with a nasty Backdrop Driver that plants Wildchild’s head into the canvas, driving him down onto the same neck injured by the Tildebang Driver on Storm! Uriah Rennie is yelling at Cortez to quit the ring which Todd seems inclined to do, but then he sees Scott Pretzler charging out of the corner of his eye and- *WHAP!* -floors the incoming Cruiserweight Champion with an inch-perfect superkick! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” Todd looks around to see if anyone else wants some, and his eyes happen to light on Toxxic as the Brit pushes himself up to his feet. Toxxic isn’t facing him and Cortez drops to a crouch, waiting for the World Champion to begin to turn around as Rennie tries to protest, then wisely gets the hell out of the way. Toxxic stumbles around… and Cortez explodes forwards, driving his shoulder into the side of the Straight-Edge Sensation’s ribcage with the Hollow Point! “COR-TEZ!” “COR-TEZ!” “Todd Cortez is cleaning house here,” Longdogger Pete shouts, but Suicide King cuts him off. “-the trouble is, he’s not the legal man,” the Heartbreaker reminds his commentary partner. Uriah Rennie is now ushering Cortez towards the apron, but the Urban Legend has no mind to see his hard work go to waste. He quickly grabs Wildchild’s ankle and drags the still-dazed Bahaman Bomber over to the corner, then pulls exactly the same trick as Wildchild did with Pretzler earlier by climbing through the ropes and immediately tagging himself into the match! Cortez re-enters the ring with Rennie unable to stop him and instantly focuses on his most recent victim, the World Heavyweight Champion! Toxxic is lying on his back clutching his ribs and Todd sprints forward, hurdling over the recumbent leader of Revolution Zero before springing to the second rope and backflipping off with a beautiful quebrada! *BANG!!* Cortez quickly hooks the leg and Uriah Rennie drops to the floor to count… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR- -broken up by Pretzler! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Cortez should have been more careful there,” Suicide King tuts, “he didn’t make sure that Pretzler had left the ring after he shamelessly assaulted him earlier.” “Shamelessly!? Pretzler was attacking him from behind!” Pete protests, but King waves it away. However, Scott Pretzler’s head is evidently still ringing from the superkick and although able to break the pin he doesn’t seem to be up to taking his intervention any further. Cortez drags him up to his feet and measures him, then nails him in the mouth with a sickening forearm smash! Scott staggers back but doesn’t go over, and Cortez suddenly realises that Toxxic is struggling his feet behind him. Well aware that he can’t let Revolution Zero get the drop on him even in their current state Cortez fires off a blow to Toxxic’s jaw as well which causes the World Champion’s legs to buckle alarmingly. Pretzler comes back for another go and Cortez hits him again… “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” …then nails Toxxic… “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” …then Pretzler, sending the Critic staggering into the ropes… “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” *CRACK!* …then the Urban Legend leaves his feet to send an enzuigiri whipping into the back of Toxxic’s head, dropping the Straight-Edge Sensation face-first to the mat… “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” …and as Scott Pretzler rebounds dizzily off the ring ropes Cortez leaps up and snares him with a hurricanrana, sending the Critic skidding across the canvas to end in a crumpled heap in a neutral corner! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Todd Cortez is taking it to Revolution Zero single-handedly,” Longdogger Pete enthuses, “and finally Martial Law are getting some revenge!” With Pretzler apparently out of commission for the moment Cortez turns his attention back to the legal man, Toxxic. A tight grin spreads over the face of the Urban Legend as he pulls the World Champion up to his feet, then bends him over into a standing headscissors… and draws a thumb across his throat. This time, it really will be the end. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “He’s going for the Riot Act Plus!” Pete shouts in realisation. “Imagine the result if Todd Cortez got the winning pin on Toxxic!” “His life expectancy would be severely shortened?” King asks, but his heart isn’t in it. Cortez sets himself… …and Toxxic abruptly grab him behind the knees and pushes, trying to destabilise his opponent! Cortez wobbles but manages to keep his feet, then lands a punishing forearm blow into the middle of his fellow straight-edger’s back. One more and Todd is ready to try again, but just as he jumps forward Toxxic tries a different approach - the World Champion attempts to back bodydrop his way out of the move, giving Todd more height than he was expecting. And as he flies forward, legs still wrapped around Toxxic’s head, Cortez sees Scott Pretzler charging towards him in an attempt to block the move. Cortez has already left his feet of course, but Pretzler can improvise with the best of them and as Cortez begins to plunge towards the canvas he snares him in a front facelock- *BAM!* -and drills Todd Cortez into the mat with a self-inflicted implant DDT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “PRETZ-LER SUCKS!” “PRETZ-LER SUCKS!” Toxxic, now on his back, looks around to see his fellow Revolutionary giving him a weary thumbs-up. Toxxic returns the signal but Uriah Rennie abruptly hoves into view, demanding that Pretzler leaves the ring this instant! The Critic obeys as fast as possible, meaning that when Toxxic turns Todd Cortez over to lay the pin on him Rennie is undistracted and able to count the- ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “He kicked out!” Pete shouts, winning the All-Idaho Obvious Statement Award. “Somehow, Todd Cortez kicked out of that devastating DDT!” The Miami Menace’s face takes on a more serious cast as he continues “however, the fact that Pretzler was willing to let Toxxic take the pin shows that Revolution Zero are still treating this as a tag match!” “It’s called being a team player,” Suicide King informs him, “as long as Toxxic or Pretzler wins, what does it matter which one gets it? Either way, Revolution Zero come out on top!” Toxxic’s thinking isn’t really on advanced tactics at the moment, however. Todd Cortez has kicked out, and right now the Straight-Edge Sensation has been on the receiving end of punishment from both Cortez and Wildchild. Toxxic knows that he might be able to grab Todd Cortez and pick up the win, but right now Scott Pretzler is standing and looking in a far better condition to do so. Gritting his teeth, Toxxic starts to shuffle forwards in an attempt to tag his stablemate into the match. Meanwhile, Todd Cortez looks up woozily after landing hard on his head. He doesn’t even see Toxxic moving next to him; instead his vision focuses on Wildchild pulling himself upright in the corner. Cortez knows very well that he is the one who just dropped Wildchild on his head but he also knows that he won’t last long against a combined Revolution Zero onslaught, and with no way of knowing if one is coming he starts to move towards the Bahaman Bomber, seeking to at least put someone else in the way. ‘ONE!’ referee Uriah Rennie shouts, although quite what he’ll do if he gets to ten is unclear. It’s probably more of a comfort thing. “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” ‘TWO!’ “LET’S GO COR-TEZ!” ‘THREE!’ “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” The chants are changing now as Cortez edges closer to the corner where Wildchild has his hand reached over the rope, awaiting the tag. The Human Hurricane is just as well aware as Cortez who’s responsible for his current headache, but he has no desire to see Rev-0 take the Urban Legend apart and pick up the easy win. He also knows just who Toxxic is about to tag into the match, and it’s someone he’s been itching to get his hands on… *smak!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *smak!* “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “It’s Wildchild!” Pete bellows a an exhausted Cortez rolls under the bottom rope and drops to the arena floor, “it’s Pretzler! It’s breaking down!!” Wildchild streaks across the ring, the ache in his neck subsumed by a sudden rush of adrenaline. The Caribbean Cruiserweight leaves his feet and seems to almost fly through the air, taking Pretzer down with a leg lariat… *BANG!* …then another one… *BANG!* …then nails him with a flying forearm! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Pretzler is visibly shaken by this high-octane offence but starts to struggle up, getting as far as one knee before a human missile streaks overhead and grabs him, pulling his head down into the canvas with the Whiplash! *WHAM!* Wildchild quickly rolls Scott Pretzler over onto his back and hooks the leg, leaning into the cover as much as he can… ONE! TWO!! …Toxxic realises what’s going on and tries to scramble back through the ropes to prevent it… THHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE… …NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Scott Pretzler kicked out and Toxxic relaxes, not even halfway to the cover, but Wildchild wastes no time with questioning the referee. Instead the Bahaman Bomber grabs the Critic’s short blonde hair, occasioning a warning from Uriah Rennie, and hauls the Canadian back to his feet before booting him in the stomach. Wildchild then turns his back on his opponent, hooks his arms underneath Pretzler’s and twists around again, hoisting the Cruiserweight Champion up onto his back in a head-down position… “Wild Ride!” LDP shouts, “Pretzler’s felt this before!” …but not this time. Scott Pretzler kicks his legs and manages to destabilise himself, then falls forward to land his feet on the mat. His arms are a bit twisted but before Wildchild can react the Critic straightens up and forces his hands up and together behind the Bahaman Bomber’s head, trapping him in a double chickenwing! A moment later the ache in Wildchild’s neck has returned with interest as- *BANG!* “Tiger Suplex!” King shouts. “It’s over!” ONE! TWO!! …after a moment of indecision, Toxxic once more steps through the ropes as Todd Cortez looks wearily up from the arena floor… THHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Scott Pretzler can’t believe that Wildchild just managed to roll a shoulder off the canvas, but his confusion grows even more as he turns around to see Toxxic halfway across the ring towards him. The Straight-Edge Sensation simply points out to the floor where Todd Cortez is starting to rise to his feet, as if to say that he was going to cut off any attempt the Urban Legend might make to break up the pin, but Pretzler still looks doubtful. However, with the match still hanging in the balance he grabs both of Wildchild’s wrists, locks the Tag Champion’s arms around his own throat and sits down on his back in the Snowflake Clutch! “PLEASE DON’T TAP!” “PLEASE DON’T TAP!” “No good chanting that,” King cackles, “he has no choice! That hold makes everyone tap, if it doesn’t break their damn neck first!” “That’s assuming Toxxic remembers his ‘team player’ responsibilities…” Pete says as the World Champion looks down at the back of his stablemate’s head. Todd Cortez isn’t in any doubt however and he begins to climb into the ring- *BANG!* -only to be met by a Toxxic baseball slide that knocks him clean back out again! Pretzler grins at his leader as he wrenches back on Wildchild’s arms while Uriah Rennie asks again and again if the Bahaman Bomber wishes to give up… and the eyes of Toxxic and Pretzler lock. And slowly, the grin fades from Scott Pretzler’s face. Everyone knows Toxxic takes it very hard when he loses, and even if Pretzler picks up the win for Revolution Zero, that will still go down - technically - as a loss for Toxxic. “PLEASE DON’T TAP!” Toxxic breaks into a sprint that will quickly cover the few yards separating them. “Here we go…” Pete cries in anticipation. Scott Pretzler shuts his eyes and braces for impact… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” …and Toxxic runs straight past him. The World Champion hits the far ropes behind his stablemate, rebounds off and heads back across the ring at increased speed before somersaulting over the top and landing flush on Todd Cortez with an inch-perfect Tope Con Hilo! “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Scott Pretzler breathes again, but Wildchild knows that all hope of rescue has gone. The Tag Champion tries his best to hold out, but it’s simply no good. Scott Pretzler has the hold perfectly applied, and there is nowhere to go. ‘Wildchild! Do you give up!?’ Uriah Rennie shouts one more time… … ‘Urk! No!’ … ‘No…’ … … … ‘YES!’ *DING-DING-DING!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The stirring strains of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony ring out across the Idaho Center, and the fans rise to their feet as one and begin hurling verbal abuse at the ring. Toxxic has struggled back to his feet and rolled underneath the bottom rope, but Scott Pretzler has refused to release the hold and is still pulling with all his might. “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner,” Funyon booms, “SCOTT PRETZ-LEEERRRRRR!!” Uriah Rennie grabs Pretzler’s arm and tries to make him let go but every tug the referee makes only seems to hurt Wildchild more as the Caribbean quickly slips towards unconsciousness. However, after a few seconds a firmer, black-nailed grip shakes Pretzler’s shoulder and the Cruiserweight Champion looks up into the dark-rimmed eyes of the leader of Revolution Zero. A lopsided grin crawls over the Straight-Edge Sensation’s face which Pretzler returns… and then he releases the hold, dropping Wildchild to the mat. “This is not in the spirit of competition,” Longdogger Pete complains, “this is not what this match was meant to be about! Wildchild and Todd Cortez fought against the odds as long as they could, but in the end the teamwork of Revolution Zero - in a match where there were meant to be no alliances - was just too much to overcome!” “I think you’ve missed the significance of what’s just gone on here,” Suicide King drawls. “We just saw Toxxic take out Todd Cortez to let Pretzler pick up the win - when have you ever seen Toxxic put something before his desire to win a match, let alone handing the win to someone else?” “Fans, that’s all we have time for from Lockdown, but be sure to join us again for Smarkdown,” Longdogger Pete shills. “Until then - PEEEAAAAACCCCEEEE!!” The last camera shot shows Toxxic and Scott Pretzler walking together up the ramp with Jet leading the way. As the booing of the crowd rises in volume the two men turn and face the ring, and Toxxic grabs Pretzler’s hand and raises it in victory, then emphasises it by pointing to The Critic with his other hand. “PRETZ-LER SUCKS!” “PRETZ-LER SUCKS!” As the crowd continues to jeer, Toxxic and Pretzler unbuckle the title belts that they had refastened around their waists and raise them high into the air. Cruiserweight Champion… World Heavyweight Champion… …and more than that, now unquestionably a team. Sacred and Spike Jenkins may be gone, Sean Davis may be out of action, but as of tonight in Boise, Idaho, one fact remains unquestionable. The Revolution lives on. FADE OUT… © 2005 Smarks Wrestling Federation ‘Raising Workrate By Spanking Supes’