Zack Malibu

*HeldDOWN~! returns, as a camera focuses in on a flaming cross tattoo. The camera pans out to reveal the tattoo on the left pectorial of Axel, over his heart. Axel is staring down at the ground with a disgusted look on his face. He looks up and then directly at the camera, as he starts to speak* Axel: Welcome to my world. One month ago I triumphantly returned to the OAOAST after a suspension. The fans cheered me, until I challenged Peter Knight to a match at Bloody, Battered and Beaten. Amazing how quickly they can turn on you, like animals. They turn without warning. I gave all the fans every ounce of my being when I won the Revolution Tournament, and they cheered. I decided to go after the Tag Team Championship, and they booed. Now I am no stranger to hurt. I had my heart ripped out long ago, but that’s another story for another time. But for a man with no heart, it hurt to hear the fans’ jeers. I’ve been hurt too much in this life to be hurt again, so just as the fans turned on me, I turned on them. Fuck you. Fuck every single OAOAST fan that boos me. Fuck every single OAOAST Superstar that has a problem with me. I’ve had enough of everything in this fucking company. I’ve had enough of the false promises, I’ve had enough of the treachery, and I’ve had enough of the egotistic SOB’s in the back. I’ve had enough of it all. I only have the slightest amount of respect for a handful of guys in this locker room, but I despise the rest. Here’s why. I guess you could call this my “state of the Held Down superstars address”. I’ll start at the top, where the sorriest son of a bitch is standing. Calvin, just a few weeks ago you came strolling out to that ring like you were the greatest fucking thing that’s ever happened to the world and you had the NERVE to run your mouth and act as if you were above everyone. Knock knock Champ, I pinned your ass months ago, I beat you, you egotistical, narrow-minded son of a bitch. I made a shitlist while I was gone, and you will be happy to know that you are at the very top of it. Remember one week ago, Champ? I blindsided you with a chair. Ragdoll and I, we BEAT you. That’s two wins I have against you, and don’t think I won’t be going after that belt as soon as I get my chance. Malibu, you are no better than the ‘paper champion’. You walk around the backstage area like you own the place, and believe me, you don’t. You have to be the gayest straight guy I have ever come across, how you prance around just because you are a former Champ. Do you want a mother fucking medal? Or would you rather a chest to pin it on, stupid son of a bitch. Management are so high on the so-called ‘Pissed off Prep’. It sickens me. How you keep getting title matches escapes me, considering the last title you made good on was the 24/7 belt, and what a joke that is. Don’t forget Malibu, I’ve pinned you too. That brings me to the Underground. I can relate to these guys, coming in to the OAOAST by request, saving that bitch CWM from an ass whooping. What happens? You are given 20 minutes on the next show to have one big circle-jerk about how fucking good UGW is. Newsflash boys and girls, UGW couldn’t even get one god damn show running. Oh, and again, I hold a pinfall victory over CWM. Who’da thunk it. AJ Flaire, how’s the back? You and I, we have a damn site more history than people know, don’t we. Now you are the X Champion, and don’t think that I won’t eventually come after the gold. But now, I’ve got bigger fish to fry, Junior. Oh, and the rest of the X Division? Sly, Matt, I destroyed you both the last time we were in the ring. Whose that other guy… the one that is trying to be Axel part 2… ah that’s right, Saint Andrew. There’s only enough room for one Dark Lord on this show, and when the time is right, I think you are pretty fucked. K-Money, you make me sick. Despite the trouble that I have had with Ragdoll in the past, he is one of the only guys in this company that I have the slightest amount of respect for. He has been put through hell, and you, Ken Baker, are to blame for his sins. Sure, I particularly like your brother, but at least Ragdoll has earn’t some of my respect. Look at what you have done to him. He’s hooked on fucking drugs, he lost the love of his life, and he lost his prized possession, the X Title. At least he’s got a new girl. And your piss-poor stable, The Firm, has to be one of the worst ideas in history. I mean god, one of your guys was injured, and where the hell were you, Ken? Probably riding your brother’s ex-girl in the back. Northstar, you are one hell of a General Manager, you know that? You have done a pretty good job since you first started, BUT, you have NEVER acknowledged me. Not ONCE have you even ventured to help me out. I suppose for you to do that, Id have to make an impression, and believe me, I will make an impression. Peter Knight. Last Sunday night, we both pushed each other to our limits. We brawled, we worked technical, we went to the top rope, we tried submission holds, we tried power moves. And we had one of the best matches of my career. On that night, last Sunday night, you proved you could hang, and you earnt some of my respect for that. But know this. Next time, it will be your shoulders on the mat for the three count. So, you may ask, what’s the point to all of this? Well, just sizing up my competition. Because I am here to officially announce my entry into the Rumble match at Anglepalooza. 29 other men, 29 more victims. I won’t have to worry about IntenseZone, heh, when has ANYBODY had to worry about the so-called ‘superstars’ on that show. I’m not going to guarantee anything, because nothing is certain. But I will say one thing. I WILL make an impression that will last a long time. I WILL make certain that everyone in the OAOAST knows that I am climbing to the top, and I don’t care which motherfuckers I have to throw off the ladder on the way up. At Anglepalooza, all those who get in my path will feel the pain, taste the pain, and when it’s all said and done, they will like the damn pain. *Axel rolls his eyes into the back of his head as the camera fades to black* Cole: Well ladies and gentlemen, some very interesting comments there by Axel regarding quite a few of the HeldDown superstars. I wonder what the reactions will be in the back Coach. Coach: I really don’t know Michael, but if Axel doesn’t already have heat with the majority of the locker room, he certainly does now. ::"I'm Just a Girl" hits as the red and white strobe lights flash across the entrance.:: Coach: "All right, now this is the perfect way to ring in the new year!" The fans go nuts as Crystal walks through the entrance way with a bandage over her forehead. She looks a little tired and ragged out after the brutal war that she went through with Damaramu just a few days ago.:: Cole: "Well here's Crystal! She had a war with Damaramu at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten! I don't think I've seen two people tear into one another like that and still not win!" Caboose: "It was amazing and you can tell by Crystal's bandages and that little limp that she's still beat up from that match." Coach: "I saw Damaramu in the back...he's even worse! He took a real pounding for the first half of that match!" Caboose: "Speaking of Damaramu and pounding...how's your head Coach?" Coach: "Uh, let's just listen to what Crystal has to say......." ::Crystal is in the ring now as the fans cheer her on..she has a mic in her hand.:: Fans: CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL! Crystal: "Thanks. You know, I had one hell of a battle with Damaramu last Sunday, but I'm not satisfied. I got my ass kicked, and sure, so ddi he. It was an even battle, and it was a draw. Everyone I know keeps saying that I should just stop the battles with him. "It isn't going anywhere" they say. They keep telling me to give up, it's useless." ::Crowd boos, with some chants of "Bullshit!":: Crystal: "Screw that." ::Crowd's boos turn into wild cheers:: Crystal: "I won't be satisfied until I win. There is no way that I'll settle for a tie with his punk ass! We both deserve to know who's the better competitor. Hell, it's bullshit to the fans to just let this end in a draw!" ::the fans go crazy at this, but they suddenly boo as the spotlight centers on Northstar who has come out onto the stage:: Northstar: "Whoa...whoa...whoa! Darling, calm down! So angry for such a pretty girl." Crystal: "I'm warning you, don't patronize me jackass! I'm not exactly in a great mood after my match with Damaramu." Northstar: "Yes Damaramu...that's actually what I'm here about! So, you say that you won't settle for a tie? That an even battle isn't good enough for you?" ::Crystal nods her head:: Northstar: "Fine, have it your way. You know, Chrissy, you could've taken the easy way out. You could have just admitted that there is nothing that can be done. But you and your stubborness and pride can't have that, hmm? Well, be careful what you wish for darling, because you just might get it. You and Damaramu will have one last match! And it will be at the Rumble, live on PPV! Only, it isn't just any match. Oh, and you thought a Last Man Standing Match was brutal." Crystal: "Cut the bullshit. Just get to the point, Northstar. What's the match?" Northstar: "Nothing but a 15 foot, Steel Cage Match, NO ESCAPE!" Cole: "What!?" Northstar(laughing gleefully): "I guess we'll see who the better wrestler truly is, won't we?" ::the fans begin to boo louder as Damaramu with a wrap around his head and a knee brace on limps out:: Damaramu: "Crystal, I will never be satisfied until you are broken in two. Mark my words.....this will be the end of you. ::Damaramu has a sadistic smile on his face, while Crystal is standing in the ring, angry:: Crystal: "Steel Cage Match? No Escape? Why thank you Northstar. I couldn't ask for anything more than to have that miserable human being in a steel cage!" Northstar: "Then it's a date!" ::Damaramu smiles a sly evil smile and points at Crystal. Then he turns and walks through the curtain leaving Crystal staring with rage::

MC: Without any further ado, let’s get 2004 started with a bang! COACH: We’ve already got two guys straight out of wrestling school in the ring, with the winner of this contest getting a HeldDOWN~! contract, here to start 2004 with style! FINK: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! In the corner to my left, weighing in at 245 pounds, from St. Louis, Missouri, Bryan Edsel! And his opponent, weighing in at 293 pounds, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Wayne Yonkers! All of a sudden, the lights go out! “Pompeii” starts up, and out comes St. Andrew, who’s leading his new monster Gibraltar to the ring! MC: What’s the meaning of this?!?! CABOOSE: I think our savior has come to save us from this crap! Andrew orders Gibraltar into the ring. Edsel and Yonkers charge at the monster at the same time, and get clotheslined down for it. Gibraltar then piles both into a corner, and delivers three high elbows. Gibraltar gives them time to stumble out, and then grabs them both in the goozle. He lifts them up, and delivers a big double choke-slam! Andrew then tells him to toss them out of the ring. Gibraltar lifts Yonkers up by his pants, grabs his shirt, and tosses him over the top rope. Gibraltar grabs Edsel by the throat, lifts him up over his head gorilla-press style, and tosses him on top of Yonkers! The referee tries to tell Gibraltar to get out, and gets tossed over the top rope for his troubles! MC: WOW! Within seconds, Gibraltar has completely cleared the ring of all forms of life! CABOOSE: This man is a monster, and I’m glad he’s here! St. Andrew then grabs a mic, and enters the ring. ANDREW: Calm down, big man. Ha ha, I decided to open this thing with a bang, and that I did. You see, on New Year’s Eve, plenty of sin is committed. Public drunkenness, adultery, debauchery...you name it, you gluttons of misery perform it! I just happened to see two sinners, not unlike the viewing audience, trying to skip their way into the sin that is this company, and I just couldn’t have it. Plus, I wanted a pedistal to display this man. Standing seven feet, one inch, and weighing damn near five-hundred pounds, he is the one-man sacrificing crew, the man who will single-handedly deliver the good word to every single individual here in this company, I bring you....GIBRALTAR! We have another reason for coming out here and emptying the ring. You see, I wanted to give the man-monster some experience tossing bodies over the top. I have a huge announcement to make, and that is, on January 25th, Gibraltar will convert and sacrifice twenty-nine other lost souls, and put himself in the challenger slot to win the HeldDOWN~! Heavyweight Championship of the World! That’s right, as of right now, I am throwing Gibraltar’s name in the hat, to be the first man entered in the 2004 OAOAST Royal Rumble, to be held at Anglepalooza 2004, on the night of January 25th, 2004. And, as the bodies hit the ground, and the eliminations gather up, just remember: no one, and I mean NO ONE, moves the rock of Gibraltar! Ha ha! Let’s go, big man! (Andrew and Gibraltar leave the ring, as we stroll back to the commentary booth.) COACH: Did you hear that? That monster, Gibraltar, is the first man entered in the 2004 Royal Rumble! MC: How in the hell is anyone supposed to move that man, let alone get him over the top rope and to the floor?!?! CABOOSE: What a brilliant plan by St. Andrew, putting the immovable object into the one match where you’ve got to move your opponents around to make them lose! I love this! COACH: Nonetheless, Gibraltar’s going to be one of the odds-on-favorites in the Royal Rumble!

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! It's the dawn of a New Year, where resolutions are made and people are given a clean slate (after a night of drunken debauchery, of course). Will HeldDOWN~! continue to BRING THE CONTENT~! in the '04? Will Northstar continue to run a tight ship, or will the roster grow tired of their flamboyant GM? Will Calvin Szechstein make it through '04 with his title intact? Will Hoff find his pants? Those questions and more are about to be answered, as we take you to the arena for the first HeldDOWN~! of the New Year~! The same scene that filled up nightime skies last night illuminates the darkened arena, as the opening fireworks and pyro EXPLODE~! A near-sellout crowd has filled this arena tonight on January 1, 2004, eager to see what turns the OAOAST will take this year. After a few moments of crowd-scanning by the cameras, we take you down to the announce position affectionately known as Sofa Central, with our Triple Threat of Commentary... and CABOOSE, COLE, and DA COACH~! COLE Happy New Year fans, and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! COACH Yo yo, big ups to all my playas in the '04, hopin' that this year was better than your last! CABOOSE English, Coach. I left my dipshit-to-English dictionary back at your mom's place. COACH My b...HEY~! COLE Well, it's a New Year, but some things never change, I guess. However, tonight on HeldDOWN~! we plan on bringing you some absolutely incredible action. In tonight's main event, it's going to be a Ten Man Gauntlet Match, or as it's been dubbed, the The X-Box X-Division Top X Hour-Long Time Gauntlet Match. Our entire second hour will be dedicated to this matchup, involving X Champion AJ Flaire defending his belt against AJ Flaire © former champion Sly Sommers, St. Andrew, his minions Nathaniel and Michael, GPX member Scotty Static, former champion Mad Matt, newcomer The Black Diamond, and the tag team of "The Role Model" Jacob Lyne and Leon Rodez! CABOOSE HeldDOWN~! has outdone itself again, as we bring the fans another first here on the first day of the year. We've got ten of the youngest, hungriest athletes going the distance for a prize, the X Title, and I think they're going to light it up here tonight. COACH Caboose, my man...I didn't know you condoned that stuff! CABOOSE What stuff? COACH You said "light it up". Are you talking about, *ahem*, "puff, puff, pass". CABOOSE Coach, I just said no a long time ago. Something your mom didn't do while you were in her belly. COLE Heh, he got you there, Coach. COACH Pfft...I'm requesting a transfer to one of our B shows. COLE We don't have any B shows. Unless you count IZ. COACH Screw it, I'll stay here.

::hangs out::

Blame Popick. If he hadn't run on stage, I had planned on thanking each TSMer personally. Even that guy, you know that guy who always posts, but no one remembers his name? Yeah, him.

Psst...it was a joke based off your OAOAST "shoots", duh!

I'm just hoping no one mistakes the DDR pad for an empty mattress. The last thing I want to see in the morning is that it's been soiled due to someone's drunken thrustings.

Bah, the only one feeling left out is you. Desperate ain't lonely. Don't say you're desperate. At least not out loud. Chicks hate hearing that shit. It's a song title. I don't remember what song, unfortunately. Good to hear. Here's hoping you wind up thrust onto a coffee table by a drunken nympho at 12 a.m. tonight.

Bah, the only one feeling left out is you. Desperate ain't lonely. Don't say you're desperate. At least not out loud. Chicks hate hearing that shit.

Bah, the only one feeling left out is you.

Pfft...I made you an offer, but you obviously didn't read the thread through. I did. But across the continent in the snow? I can't even get throught my own city with the weather. I'll fly you out to Arizona, where it's sunny all the time, and you can finally get that tan that you've always wanted, PLUS you can come to a masquerade party with me tonight. I'll even pay for whatever kind of alcohol you want. My offer? Much better than Damaramu's. Ah, but is it better than mine? She'd get me AND WJM at her disposal. Happy New Year, indeed.

Pfft...I made you an offer, but you obviously didn't read the thread through. I did. But across the continent in the snow? I can't even get throught my own city with the weather. Snowmobile it!

Pfft...I made you an offer, but you obviously didn't read the thread through.

I'm not oppressing, just impressing.

Hurry it up, bitch.

He was also one of the punk rock kids in 200 Cigarrettes.

Me forgot to put Three's Company down there. I think that Season 2 is out relatively soon, like February, isn't it? I also noticed that Barney Miller Season 1 is coming out soon, and I love that show.

Yeah. He played Kevin's older brother in American Pie 1 & 2, and was featured in the crapfest known the world over as Soul Survivors.

I second the OC nominations, but truth be told, it's most likely a long ways off. FOX is probably going to focus on it's older shows first. The only reason I didn't put OC in my post is because I can't see it coming out for at least a year or two.

Saved By The Bell 1&2 Soap Season 1 Incredible Hulk Ultimate Boxed Set (not seasons, but the top 18 eps of the series) MWC Season 1 Dawson's Creek Season 1 Looking forward to picking up the rest of the seasons when they're out (I know Creek Season 2 is), and would love for the 90210 seasons to start coming out. I'll also probably pick up Quantum Leap, since I dug the show as a kid and would probably enjoy it more now.

Speaking of, are you gonna need both pairs of handcuffs? I was thinking of doing some roleplaying tonight, and if I could bum a pair, that'd be peachy.

That bottle would be gone in 8 minutes, tops.

I like this idea. Well, the first one. The second is a little "meh".

It could just be my dirty mind, but I think I took that in the wrong way. Still, it sounds like I'll be going to your house, because I fit the criteria.

Quite a nice list there, Kotz. You're missing a few that I know you'll enjoy, so I'll be sure to help add to that collection.