JJ Johnson

Didn't you read it? He pinned them both, and eliminated both of them at once.

Exactly.

I promised Aecas this a while ago, WC. You'll get your rematch soon enough (read: next show).

Yeah, good times. More comments later, but just setting this out for people.

Jumping body scissors is done quite frequently; it's not recommended, because you never want to leave your feet if you don't have to - which is why you'll see judokas wrangle opponents to the ground before they'll pounce on them - but it can be done. Now, what makes that spot iffy for me is the Survivor Series '96 finish. I'll have to re-read and see just how close WC and Tom are to the ropes, but I can't see WC either: a) Pushing off the turnbuckles while Tom is in mid-air b) Running to and somewhat up the turnbuckles with Tom hanging off of him or trailing behind him. I like the finish, with the catching Tom off-guard to beat him, but something about it didn't read quite right to me.

All - well, more - will be revealed this show, WC.

Pretty sure the World Tour ends at Ground Zero, like last year. But yes, mighty fine promo.

I believe you mean **************************^29.5

Actually, I'm already the most dominant International Champion ever. I'm good.

I hereby decree that it is in the park outside. I also hereby decree that I have opening promo.

I don't think you want to mention otter openings around Janus.

For crying out loud, IL. I'm Canadian, and I know the first stanza's pretty low, at least in comparison to the rest of the song.

I'd feel terrible exaggerating in front of strangers too. Happy 31st, WC.

Four. Do the ol' limited schedule.

Hey, look. JJ am comment. BRUCE BLANK > PROPANE. HOW? HE IS THE CHEAPER SOURCE OF HEAT. ALSO, HE'S ABOUT TO GET DRUNK OFF OF HIS ASS. LET'S SEE PROPANE DO THAT. THAT WOULD BE STRESSED, BUT THIS IS ALREADY BOLDED, AND I'M RAMBLING BESIDES. Blank torments Hardy, because all the hip kids torment Hardy, and then brings up some Russian stereotypes before noting that he's going to get drunk to high hell, and if he can't feel anything, he can wrestle. He also refuses to share his vodka with the Russians, and since Russians are nothing without their vodka, they wither and die. Or perhaps they boo. I CAN'T DECIDE. THE CARD, FEATURING ME AND OTHER PEOPLE AND ME. ALSO, ME. and dangerous lolz shoot?> Nah, just kidding. WC's awesome. MANSON vs. ??? vs... MANSON? NO, ONLY ONE MANSON. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE MANSON. CRUSHER DESTROYER. Sorry, I have to do that every time Mastodon is brought up. Manson comes out, the crowd doesn't like him - it's because they fear him - and he enters the ring and does things. And then... ...Aecas! This would be a surprise if I hadn't known about it days before the show went up, and if the card featuring him weren't already up, but still, neat. I also mark for "Death In Fire". Hooray for Amon Amarth. So, commentary puts over that Aecas is ca-razy, and I'm inclined to believe them, because he's ca-razy. That doesn't make sense, but whatever. Bell's gone, we're underway, Manson starts things off with a punch. Which Aecas no-sells, because he doesn't feel things except hsi key weakness: tickling. Another punch, another no-sell, so Manson goes with the boot to the gut. THAT works, Manson pops him with some elbows, then runs and nails him with a knee that actually, you know, makes Aecas say "Alas, pain!". Aecas goes for a Decapitator - for the uneducated, a lariat - off the rebound, but Manson ducks under it, spin kicks him in the gut/side, couldn't tell, and then runs and nails him with a YAKUZAAAAAA kick that finally puts the Black Angel down. Manson follows up with an Eddy Guerrero bootscrape, then goes to the second rope and nails a flying knee for 1 1/2. Aecas sits up with Manson, showing he's mad strong, and Manson tries to escape with elbows to the back, but Aecas says "hellz no" and drops him with a backbreaker before throwing him over with a big Fallaway Slam. He follows up by picking Manson up and popping him with a forearm, then sends him off the ropes and tries for another Decapitator...that is not to be, as Manson ducks under it, and the speed advantage gets put over on commentary. Yakuza Kick from Aecas, but Manson slides under it and pops up before hitting the turning Aecas with a gamengiri - I love that spot - for a two count. Then there's a bit of a snafu, as Aecas gets up selling the back of his head; the gamengiri targets the face, so I think you meant enzuigiri there. It's still a cool spot. Manson tries to keep his momentum with a rolling elbow, but Aecas says "hellz no again" and finally gets him with the Decapitator. No cover; instead, he pulls him up into a sidewalk slam before releasing and turning it into an elbow drop, kind of like Matt Hardy's back-suplex-to-elbow thing that I loved so much. The Ricochet, was it? Anyway, Aecas pulls him up again, and lawn darts him with a BIIIIIIIIIIIG German for 2. Aecas pulls him up and nails him with a forearm, then another, but Manson finally has had enough and he nails him with a chop! Only to be hit with another forearm! Manson off the ropes, tries for a roundhouse, but Aecas catches it and Manson catches HIM with an enzuigiri that gets called correctly this time. Manson uses this to recover before charging Aecas in the corner, but Aecas is all "Hellz No Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" and gets him with a second Decapitator. Not done, Aecas hauls him up and nails a Dragon Suplex that you know just kills Manson, but only kills him for a close two-count. Manson kicks out, but he's pretty much dead in the water, and Aecas pulls him up before hitting a sheer-drop BRAINBUSTAAAAAHHHH~! for ALMOST three as Manson survives. Aecas decides that not winning is for squares, and goes for the Electric Chair Driver, and Manson is all "Hellz Gno: Like Zombi, In That It's Night Of The Living Dead With A Different Director and Name, But It's Hellz No With A Different Director And Name" and hits an inverted Pedigree (which is actually a reverse Pedigree, as an inverted Pedigree would look like very flexible cunnilingus. But that's a minor nitpick, and I digress.). I think Kidman used to do that, actually. Manson rolls Aecas over and goes up top, looking for possibly the SAVAGE ELBOW~!, but Aecas is all "Hellz No IV: The Revenge", which isn't nearly as good as the other three "Hellz No"s and doesn't make as much at the box office, like that one movie nobody's heard of about that shark, by that guy that made the dinosaur movies. But anyway, Manson gets crotched as Aecas is back from the dead, and then goes from crotched to clinically dead with an avalanche brainbuster for the win! Good big man match, a little short, but fun for what it was, and with some cool spots. **1/2-***. Spot of the Match: Yakuza Kick, Manson slides under and hits a gamen/enzuigiri. Clear that up? WHEN I DO PART TWO LATER TONIGHT: BLANK IS GETTING DRUNK, SLY IS FACING SPIKE, AND BLANK IS GETTING DRUNKER!

Also in Lucha Rules: the match is won by eliminating the other team's two non-captains, or eliminating the captain. Piledrivers in any form are illegal.

Main Event - Title vs Title Hardcore Rules Landon 'La Cucaracha' Maddix© vs Amy Stephens© -Landon puts the 'dic' in 'predictions', and he's such a jerk that he makes you get your own damn K. Landon to win, and get that much closer to being Grand Slam Landon. Sub Main Event - International Title Match JJ Johnson vs Wildchild© -WC brings far more awesome than I could hope to, but I'm going to try anyway. WC to make me look like a million dollars even in defeat. Non-Title Match Grendel© vs Zyon -Tough call. I like Zyon, and I like Grendel's spunk; I'll go with the promising rookie here. House Rules - Viktor's All You Can Drink Vodka Sean Davis vs Bloodshed Special Guest Referee: Viktor Tarakanov -Boris Yeltsin's favorite match! Bloodshed here, methinks. Cruiserweight Spotfest Wayne Blank vs "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu -Akira to avenge his loss(es) in the best of five series somewhat. Austin Sly vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins -Spike with a German Suplex. Old school! ??? vs Manson -Obviously Manson.

Parts one, two, and three. Add a pumphandle, add a sheer drop.

I had this bumped because if the Buffalo Sleeper is confusing, surely there are other moves of mine that you wacky kids don't get. Ask away.

The wrestler is kneeling behind a seated opponent. He grabs hold of one of the opponent's arms, bends it backwards overhead, and locks its wrist into his armpit. The wrestler then wraps his free arm under the opponent's chin, like in a Sleeper hold, puts his other arm through the arch created by the opponent's trapper arm, and locks his hands. He then squeezes the opponent's neck, causing pressure.

I both suck and own.

It's not that I don't want it, it's that I'm obviously not ready for it, and I'd appreciate it very much if people would stop lumping me in that category until I am.

I thought I already discouraged this.

Only Pure Rules would be extremely limiting, because the stipulation itself gets cliche, and because I always saw Pure Rules as a staple of the Cruiserweight Division; at least, it was during my reign, and I know Windy had one. I'd much prefer the INT to be just old-school without being stuck on just one thing.

No. No.