JHawk

I'm sorry that I didn't know it was a Nelly song, but I actually listen to music on the radio. I swear, Nelly swears more in a four minute "song" than I do during two hours of SmackDown every week.

Piper's Pit. Jimmy Snuka. Coconut. Enough said.

The title says it all: What angles/happenings were so bad that even the broadcast team didn't try to sell it at all? I can think of one off the top of my head: Al Wilson. Watched the 11/7/02 SmackDown today for the first time since it aired, and Al Wilson is proposing to Dawn Marie. And the segment is so bad that Michael Cole and Tazz sound like CWM and Anglesault on commentary (sorry, guys). Tazz starts off by saying "This could be really good or really bad, but it will be memorable," and that's probably the closest thing to a serious comment they made the entire segment. The two best lines: Al: "If you don't, I'll kill myself, I swear to God." Tazz: "Say no Dawn, say no!" And; Cole: "I thought it couldn't get any worse than Billy and Chuck." Can anybody else think of anything?

Did we forget Dusty's run in the late 70s / early 80s? Apparently so. Actually, outside of working MSG, did Dusty ever appear on W(W)WF TV before coming in in 1989? I know he made quite a few appearances at MSG before the WWF left the NWA for good in 1983, but who outside of tape collectors and MSG regulars would remember that?

There were no pins in the Final Four Match that I remember. Austin helped dump Taker over the top thinking he could Bret for the title.

A good heel champion can draw as well as a good face champion. We've already mentioned The Honky Tonk Man, and we can add Superstar Billy Graham to this list. And their reigns worked for one simple reason...they cheated to win the titles and either cheated or lucked out into retaining the titles, so you always believed they could lose on any night. Did anybody see Honky Tonk Man actually win a match as Intercontinental Champion? Every match I saw him in, he got disqualified or counted out to retain the championship. As for Graham, even in cages he usually won when his opponent knocked him through the open door, a la Muraco-Snuka at MSG. The problem comes with someone like Triple H, who everybody assumes is going to win. Why pay your hard-earned money to watch a World Title Match if it's a given that your favorite isn't going to win? That's back to the theory in the opening post. Yankee fans are relatively sure their team is going to win, but it's their team, so it's cool. But if Yankee fans think it's a given that the Red Sox are going to beat them 13-0, why go just to see your team lose? You wouldn't.

Um...a "tip drill" is usually a drill they do during basketball practice. The idea is to keep tipping the basketball toward the rim and backboard. It serves two purposes: hand-eye coordination and to drive home the idea that you can still score off a missed basket. Unless it's a new euphemism that I've not been told about or something.

Because Austin is still on top and has alot of the show built around him and he never lets anyone get the best of him, even if he is no longer wrestling, because he still wants to protect his spot. Even if I agreed with you, and I don't, it doesn't matter what style Austin prefers because he doesn't wrestle. Every match could feature guys doing 450 splashes from the rafters, and Austin's spot is secure as long as he drinks beer and stunners people every other week or so.

The real answer is somewhere in between. The slower style can lead to good matches if you have people who actually know how to work that style of match out there. But you need some of the high risk stuff in there in order to A) keep every match from looking alike and B) allow the guys who aren't as well-versed in the slower style some chance of getting over. But why would Austin's opinion matter to the midcard at this point when his role is basically forever limited to driving a go-kart and "drinking" beer? Now, if it was Triple H or saying it, I could see the complaint as he still wrestles enough to worry about "his" spot.

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (2/5/2004) You know the dealio.

I'm surprised nobody's used the Undertaker-Mankind Hell in a Cell Match for either category yet. Marks overrate it by calling it one of the greatest matches ever because of the two big spots. Smarks underrate it because the match was sloppy after the two big spots. Given how many times I've seen the match the past six years, I'd go about middle of the road and give it about **.

The only negative comment I've heard from casual fans I know is that "Benoit doesn't have great mic skills." Unfortunately, that's the reason that guy doesn't want Benoit in the main event. But that's one guy out of...hell, at least ten I work with, plus who knows how many others.

See, when I took a human sexuality course a couple of years ago, the professor told us that in Ohio, rape was considered "any object being forcibly inserted into any orifice", presumably meaning that forced oral or anal sex would be considered rape. Of course, being a smartass I had to ask "Does that mean if someone shoves a stapler into my mouth without permission, I can file rape charges?" I never got a straight answer.

Also look at how many badly thrown balls Brady threw that Troy Brown or another receiver made excellent catches on. Can we compromise and say Tom Brady was the best quarterback to play in Super Bowl XXXVIII?

Remember, the last two years the match that was HYPED as the main event wasn't in the main event slot. Kane-Taker could very well be hyped as the main event but go on third from the top with one of the title matches getting the final slot.

I actually don't know what three he did commentary for (and thus was not positive it was him when I originally asked the question), but watching Vader vs Cactus this evening, it seemed the match was oddly silent commentary wise, with Tony doing it himself. Cactus vs Sting was done by Coach and Mick as a commentary gimmick. The only other WCW match (the Street Fight with the Nasty Boys), has Hennan and Tony and I recall no Ventura in 1994, so I don't know what the 3rd match he's edited off is. JHawk? Foley's WWF debut (w/Les Thornton vs. The British Bulldogs). It's all Vince on commentary outside of one comment from Bruno Sammartino. Although come to think of it, Ventura might have been filming Predator at the time, so he may not have done that match. The other two are right and most likely due to Vince not wanting to pay Jesse royalties. A shame too, because JR and Ventura were gold on the Sting-Cactus match, IIRC.

And once again I feel like I'm being punished for paying attention. We've already changed the rules for winning the Rumble AND the entire brand extension for the "money" match in Brock-Goldberg. We've got Benoit wrestling for an inferior without actually explaining why he wants it when he could stick it to Heyman by taking the WWE Title off Brock. Now they want to make it a triple threat match, possibly with a gimmick, and possibly put it on in the middle of the card. I'm sure my dad will order WrestleMania because he always orders WrestleMania, but unless they're putting out a kickass DVD then WWE isn't getting another cent off of me. DVDs are the exception since the good ones are repeat footage. And for whoever asked, it's definitely Ventura being edited out of the WWE DVDs, as he called three matches on the Foley DVD and his voice isn't on it once.

It's the Body Donnas factor. They look enough alike that if you're not paying attention you might be able to buy the switcheroo crap, but if you're paying attention you're like "How do you not notice?" Remember Royal Rumble 96 where Vince is trying to convince everybody that the Body Donnas look alike? "They look a great deal alike...from behind anyway." Same deal.

SmackDown from JHawk's Beak (1/29/2004) Good show considering there's no Benoit....

I don't remember the Lawler-Tenryu match ever being announced, but I do remember an article in one of the Aptermags where Tenryu's appearance was essentially official.

Here's the absolutely asinine thing about that. The mask vs. guitar match took place live on TBS on August 18, 1993. After the match, Badd said he'd take the mask off "this Saturday" (8/21/1993) on TBS. The actual taping date for that one was August 2, highlighted by the Ric Flair-Sting match that ended up being the last NWA Title match to ever air on TBS. So people in the know saw Badd without the mask more than two weeks before Badd won the match to allow himself to keep it. A sidenote: The 8/18/1993 Clash also featured Lord Steven Regal subbing for the injured Brian Pillman to job the NWA/WCW Tag Team Title to the Horsemen...and the match where Pillman was injured aired 8/21 (taped 8/2, obviously). And you wonder why this company is no longer in business.

Give it another 30 years or so and...um...Scott Keith will still be bitter.

Well, just a tip about being considerate to others: WWE doesn't do it for their fans. I think I'm more fan-friendly than a former Fortune 500 company.

Just when Kurt finally looks good by making Hogan tap, they have some nobody go toe to toe with him and Kurt wins with a BACKSLIDE?? Actually, Cena lost to a three quarter nelson or some other amateur style roll up. Didn't you spend like 4 pages of a thread bitching about a match ending on a roll up after that?

Well, I did want to use the play-by-play format CRZ used for those people who didn't get to see the show. I was without cable for a few months during Russo's first WCW run, so it was nice to get more than a barebones review of the show. But knowing that people who saw the show don't want to read all that, I came up with the commercial break format. That way everybody can just come to me, whether they want the whole shebang or not. So there you go.