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Lt. Al Giardello

Best Wrestling Quotes...

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In regards to the above quote about Ross thinking Heyman should be in the GBR, Heyman's reply "What would I do, bring a cell phone in there?" was pretty good too.

 

From Backlash 2002, at the beginning of RVD vs Eddie, discussing which man has the better frog splash.

 

King: JR, tell me, who was the first man you saw do a frog splash here in the WWF?

JR: Well King that would be D`Lo Brown.

King: ... ok, then who would the second be?

 

 

Prior to Backlash 2002, Angle discussing a tag match with his partner Jericho.

 

Angle: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a big mouthed, blond haired, CANADIAN, who think's he's a rock star.

Jericho: ...

Angle: Oh, not you Chris.

(possibly slightly inaccurate)

 

Lawler discussing Tajiri at Royal Rumble 03 (doen from memory, not exact)

 

King: JR, Tajiri is my favourite announcer over on SmackDown!

JR: I think you're confused with Funaki.

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Guest Fook

Survivor Series 01 after Trish wins the Women's title.

 

JR (to Heyman): Well Trish came in the back door, and I bet you'd like that wouldn't you Paul?

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Here's another one from RR'03:

 

Lawler: "I like A-Train. He's a nice guy. He'd give me the hair on his back."

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(Kurt Angle the night after he won the WWF Championship the 1st time. He's listing all his accomplishments)

 

"I even became the First Ever EuroContinental Champion . . . Well, actually D-Lo Brown was the first Eurocontinental Champion, but he doesn't count!"

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Survivor Series 01:

 

(Austin has the Rock in the sharpshooter)

 

Heyman: Why isn't Earl Hebner ringing the bell?

JR: Because the Rock isn't tapping.

Heyman: That never stopped him before.

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Prior to Backlash 2002, Angle discussing a tag match with his partner Jericho.

 

Angle: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a big mouthed, blond haired, CANADIAN, who think's he's a rock star.

Jericho: ...

Angle: Oh, not you Chris.

(possibly slightly inaccurate)

Pretty close:

 

Angle: "Damn that Edge! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a loud-mouth...Canadian...with long blond hair, who - who dresses like a rock star"

Jericho: "..."

Angle:"I mean.....well, except for you, you're cool."

 

A couple of more (more funny than memorable, but ah well):

 

"Who is his manager? Milton Bradley?"

-Either Edge or Christian about HHH

 

Triple H: "Great music video you had there."

Jericho: "Of course it was great, I was in it."

 

 

"I personally am quite taken by the way that you display your abilities. I am, I watch you. I watch you Triple H and everybodys got to admit, man nobody can deny you have proven time and time again that brother, you can spit some water....

What I'm not impressed by that? Of course I am, hey everybodys got to admit that that takes talent." (claps)

-RVD to Triple H.

 

Man, people are funny making fun of good 'ol Hunter.

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"Hey Lawler, suck my cock!" -- Taz(z) at ECW Wrestlepalooza '97

 

"It still says marquee on the wrestling!" -- Arn Anderson

 

"I've been World Champion more times than you've had pieces of ass!" -- Ric Flair to Syxx

 

"The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!" -- Jim Ross at Summerslam '99

 

Michael Cole: "I can't see, I've got a big cowboy hat in my face"

Jim Ross: "You're gonna have a big cowboy boot in your ass in a minute" -- On a RAW in 1999.

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Guest Staravenger

Shawn Michaels: I didn't want to say anything, but that my friends, is gonna leave a mark! (After Cole gets a mega wedgie)

 

(DX is in a production truck making up their DX Uncensored tape; X-Pac moons Road Dogg)

Road Dogg: I think I just saw your X-Sack!

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Guest Staravenger

Shawn Michaels: OK Sarge, we'll start showing you some respect....(quickly) suck it! Ha ha ha ha ha....

 

Shawn Michaels: Santa never looked so good!! (he and HHH are wearing X-mas thongs)

 

(more from DX Tape)

Michael Cole: why always me? Why not pick on someone else?

HHH: Like who?

Michael Cole: How about JR?

HHH: JR is a fat guy, he gets made fun of enough already.

 

Later...

 

(Cole Answers phone)

Michael Cole: Hello...Shawn? Shawn Michaels? Yes hes here, hold on.

HHH: Hello Shawn? Uh theres a bad phone connection, I'm gonna have to transfer you..(hangs up) Fucking moron.

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Guest Staravenger

Double Post.

 

(DX invades the CNN Building; couple old ladies hitting on Hunter)

Gunn: (to camera) These are the only kind of chicks he gets.

HHH: At least I'm getting some.

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I dug up some old ones:

 

"...we live in a country where the President of the United States puts national security on the line for a girl that even I would have turned down in high school." Mick Foley at Breakdown in 1998.

 

"I’d like to congratulate Al Snow on his endorsement contract with La-Z-Boy,which is kind of unusual since Al doesn’t usually sell chairs." Mick Foley, don't know when

 

"Get your fat ass on the scale, Dracula." Hardcore Holly to Gangrel in 1999 when he was doing that whole "super heavyweight" thing.

 

"We're providing the sophisticated entertainment you demand." Vince MacMahon in late 1997.

 

Lawler: It must be so humiliating to get WCW spraypainted on your back.

JR: It must be even more humiliating to work for them.

 

"He looks more like the Big LOST Man to me!" (Hogan, after spraypainting Ray Traylor on Nitro.)

 

Heenan: Sting is human like everyone else.

Schiavone: I don't know if he's human...I think he's transcendant.

 

"Armstrong and Finlay are two of the strongest competitors in this matchup." (Schiavone, during a SINGLES match between Steve Armstrong and Fit Finlay.)

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During the Booker T/Triple H Feud....

 

JR: Will you lay off of Booker T!

 

(Booker T does the Houston Hangover)

 

King: I bet that's how he got out of jail....

 

 

Some Heenan Goodness

 

Heenan: You know what 'arriba' means?

Gorilla: No, what?

Heenan: It means Swim faster, the border guards are coming

 

Heenan: Tito Santana is like a cue-ball: The more you strike him, the more

English you get out of him.

 

(Just before they run a Tito Santana match)

Brain: Did you know that Tito holds a place in the Guinness

Book of World Records?

Gorilla: Yeah, for what?

Brain: He picked over 1600 heads of lettuce in a half an hour.

Gorilla: Will you stop!

(Match is televised, Tito wins)

Gorilla: Well, it doesn't look like Tito needs to concern

himself with lettuce heads anymore.

Brain: Yep - he can move right on to tomatoes.

 

 

Does anyone know the promo between Hogan and Savage when they were feuding over NWO Leadership. I think Savage just repeated everything that Hogan said.

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Again, these are being done from memory...

 

"If you think I'm going to sell that abortion of a move, you've got another thing coming" - Mick Foley speaking about the People's Elbow at Breakdown.

 

"Michael Cole, last night some of Pro Wrestling's Greatest Secrets we're revealed to me..." *Al Snow is throwing punches while saying "stomp the foot"*

- Mick and Al having a pre-match interview the night after NBC's special on wrestling secrets aired.

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"The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!" -- Jim Ross at Summerslam '99

God damn, how did I forget that one.

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Don't know if anyone mentioned this:

 

HHH: "I'm bi at a lot of things, and lingual isn't one of them...wait, did I just say that?"

 

Ok, might not be exact quote, but I'm close.

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"Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test." Jim Cornette

 

"Norman is so fat, he has furniture disease - his chest is in his drawers." Jim Cornette

 

Sunny: "I bet all the guys came to see me! And all the girls came to see you!"

 

Mr. Perfect: "Naw, I'm pretty sure some of the guys came to see me too."

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DAVE PENZER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants..."

 

CHRIS JERICHO: "Hold on just one second here, David Penzer you unintelligible moronic high voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they'll never win it), but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here..."

 

"Coming out first from (?)(Sounds like Sunchimilko) Mexico, you'll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning, maybe."

 

"Next, from El Paso, Mexico, this guy used to be a great bar tender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. maybe a two in ten chance of winning."

 

"Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!"

 

"Then we got Damien. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that."

 

"Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look alike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy."

 

"Coming out next is the (?), feather weight pacer(?) champion, El Grillo."

 

"Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra."

 

"A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen."

 

"Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!"

 

"This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Evan Courageous, ladies and gents."

 

"Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!"

 

"And of course we've got Psychosis, he's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show."

 

"This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches he'll be upgraded to Golden King."

 

"This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny SSS.... Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven't. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance."

 

"And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62, from the Villano family, he is Villano IV."

 

"Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royale, I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will ever ever beat me for my belt!"

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Guest ally mccoist

Not really a great quote, more of a funny moment. During a Taz vs Sabu match, they're brawling at ringside, Taz holds Sabu to the camara...

 

"Look at him, look at him...fuck him! (smacks him round the face) Yeah you want some Flair (whacks Sabu again) Sabu's got balls Flair, hey Hogan...."

 

Sabu fishhooks his eye

 

"...ahhh you cocksucker!!!"

 

I just love the bit where he goes FUCK HIM and smacks Sabu round the head, and then when Sabu fishhooks his eye. Livened up a boring match.

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Survivor Series 89:

 

DiBiase: I'm thankful that I'm rich and you're not! Hahahahaha!

 

Piper: I'm thankful that I'm not Ricky Rude.

 

During the Million $ Team/Hulkamaniacs match after the POP are DQ'ed:

 

Jesse: This is horrible, I think Hogan paid off the refereee.

Gorilla: What?!

Jesse: How could you say he hasn't, everyone who touches him gets disqualified!

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Guest TheZsaszHorsemen

Lawler had some awesome shots at Booker during the Booker/HHH feud:

 

"Booker and I hung out at the mall yesterday, he tried to pay for everything in cigarettes"

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(Paraphrasing from RR92 after Flair draws the dreaded #3)

 

Monsoon: No one in history of the Royal Rumble has drawn numbers one through five and been there at the end.

Heenan: What great camerawork.

Monsoon: Did you even hear what I said?!?

Heenan: WHAT?!? You talkin to me?!?!?

Monsoon: YES!!!

Heenan: What did you say?!?

Monsoon: NOBODY in the history of the Royal Rumble has ever drawn numbers one through five and been there at the end!!!

Heenan: Awwww Shut Up!!! Shut up!!!!

Monsoon: Heh!

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“Without me in Mick Foley’s book, his book would’ve been as long as his penis.” – Al Snow (January 20, 2004; Trash Talking Radio)

 

“Pepper was near my heart, very near my heart…until I had a bowel movement.” – Al Snow, when asked how Pepper the dog tasted (January 20, 2004; Trash Talking Radio)

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Steve Corino: "Oh, that's real cute, Taz! Go ahead and swear!"

Taz: "OK! ::nearly a minute long bleep::"

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Ric Flair to Ricky Steamboat: "Why don't you go home and help the missus with the dishes? I'm going downtown!"

 

(After Honky Tonk Man hit Randy Savage with a guitar.)

Jimmy Hart: "But he's lucky, Honky."

HTM: "How so, Jimmy?"

Hart: "He's just lucky you don't play the piano!"

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Guest Staravenger
"Comparing Ric Flair to Hulk Hogan is like comparing Ice Cream to Horse Manure." Bobby Heenan

Heenan said the same thing when he compared The Narcissist (Lex Luger) with Mr. Perfect. Stealing from himself....tsk tsk tsk.

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Guest Mindless_Aggression

I think it was during one of Austin's comebacks, he was up against Biscoff. Austin looks at his wrist like a watch and the following conversation takes place.

 

Lawler: What time is it?

 

JR: IT'S TIME TO WHIP HIS ASS!"

 

I just got the vision of Lawler asking JR that in a diner or something and JR responding with that then jumping the counter to kill the waitress or something.

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Guest Staravenger

That has to be the funniest visual ever since Kane set Jim Ross on fire....Jim Ross kissing McMahons ass...and other stuff involving Jim Ross.

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