Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 (edited) The following is a production of the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation... SWF CLUSTERFUCK, SUNDAY, JANUARY 30TH, LIVE FROM THE MCI CENTER IN WASHINGTON, D.C.! (10:00 PM Eastern, 7:00 PM Pacific; check local listings) Send everything to Chuck Woolery It's Clusterfuck time, a time when new champs are born, old champs are dethroned, and people write a shitload of words! Why waste my breath -- here's the card! WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE Sacred v. "The Franchise" Mak Francis -> Despite Toxxic's victory in the #1 Contendership match, CC felt it would be best for Sacred to have a completely fresh opponent instead of having boy wonder Toxxic pull double duty. As such, the SWF honchos had to find a suitable candidate, and Mak Francis, in his second match back from an extended break, was the perfect candidate! These two have never locked up to my knowledge, but when they do, it's going to be HUGE. Rules: Standard. Marker: chirs3 CLUSTERFUCK -> Clusterfuck has a long and storied history. It's produced four winners; Pimp Daddy Sarp, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, "TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson, and Charlie "Grappler" Matthews. All four of these men have gone on to From the Fire and emerged victorious in their World title shots. This year, twenty men enter, and all of them have their own reasons that this tradition will continue... 1. Wildchild - A perennial underdog due to his size, Wildchild was nevertheless one of the favorites heading into the 2005 Clusterfuck. Adding to the mountain he has to climb is his number one draw, but Wildchild has never backed down from a challenge before, and certainly won't now! 2. Alan Clark - Alan Clark's return to the SWF has been stellar, joining up with the new sheriffs in town, Martial Law! His alliance with Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez has allowed for several chances at tag gold, but in the anything-goes atmosphere of the Clusterfuck, he may get a chance to step out of the shadows and into the golden shower... of light! 3. Johnny Dangerous - Former World Champion Johnny Dangerous faces a tough challenge here, as his quest to return to the mountain's peak begins with a number three draw. Good news for Johnny, though; if his tag partner Wildchild can survive two minutes with Alan Clark, he's going to have an ally in his fight to win the Clusterfuck! 4. Manson - A perennial favorite of the SWF's fans, the former "Mafia" Tommy Gunn is a vast desert of potential. Entering at #4 for the second year in a row, will this be the year he finally breaks out? 5. Danny Dagda - He's been called a bad Scott Hall clone, a bad Tom Flesher clone, and he's yet to actually do anything in the SWF. However, the former SJL World Champion (with a different character...) is hopeful, and if he wins it will be the biggest comeback story of the year! 6. Sean Davis - "The Perfect Storm" Sean Davis has been loyal to his Revolution Zero teammates since day one, even foregoing a World title shot so that his mentor, Toxxic, could get his shot first. Always a favorite due to his size, his career in the SWF, while short, has shown great potential, and he looks to realize it in this year's Clusterfuck! 7. Todd Cortez - "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez has made a new name for himself in recent weeks, surging as the SWF's Hardcore Champion. His alliance with Martial Law and his big win over Dace Night have been the defining moments of his post-Hollywood Boulevard career, and coming into the 2005 Clusterfuck at number seven, he looks to be a strong candidate for the W. 8. Charlie Matthews - Defending Clusterfuck champion Charlie "Grappler" Matthews makes his long-awaited return to the SWF ring, looking to defend his crown and possibly get a second World title reign. An easy favorite, but one has to wonder how his injured neck will affect his performance! 9. Dominic Korgath - Korgath's return was met with relative silence, and his teaming with "The Icon" Max King has gotten off to one of the rockiest starts ever. One must remember, though, Justice and Rule lost three of their first tag matches, and one of them went on to become a World champion, while the other main-evented Genesis IV. However, Max King is quite a domineering personality, and if Korgath survives until #19, one must wonder if he'd be anything other than a pawn in King's chess game... 10. The Boston Strangler - OMG STRANGLER MAKING A COMEBACK! Yes, this is quite out of nowhere, but Strangler feels he can win the Clusterfuck -- and, at #10, who are we to fuck with him? 11. David Cross - Former Tag champion David Cross up and left shortly after his partner Christian Fury, and is making his return to the SWF in the Clusterfuck match. He's seen his potential realized before in the tag ranks, but now he gets the chance to become a singles superstar -- will he seize it? 12. Landon Maddix - Former World champion Landon Maddix was dethroned quickly by Sacred. The last member of Martial Law to enter, Maddix finds himself in prime position to win the 'Fuck if either Cortez or Clark can make it this far. However, Maddix didn't make many friends on his way to the top, and no matter how well-liked he is now, old grudges tend to resurface when a title shot is on the line... 13. Spike Jenkins - Easily one of the most improved SWF wrestlers of this year, Spike Jenkins has bloomed from a musty bud into one of the SWF's most formidable athletes. His extended Cruiserweight Championship reign raises the queston: Is this the year he finally steps out of the cloud of smoke he left behind and into the spotlight? 14. Austin Sly - After an extended period of injury, Austin Sly attempts to shake off the ring rust in the 20-man Clusterfuck. When he steps into the ring, he brings a new attitude with him and tries to parlay his debut Clusterfuck into a gold record at From The Fire! 15. Munich - ... I've got nothin'. Good luck, Munich. 16. Kaine - Surprisingly enough, Kaine's never held the Cruiserweight championship, or any gold for that matter. He's actually a bit of an ugly duckling in the SWF, but you know what they say about the Clusterfuck: It's where SWANS are made! (Just look at TNT.) 17. Ced Ordonez - Ordonez strips off his stripes and backs his lime-green Honda into the Clusterfuck as he tries to show once again why he was one of the most sought-after JL talents and realize his potential! 18. Stryke - After an aborted retirement attempt following last year's Clusterfuck, Stryke was once again bitten by the bug. This year, he's in much better position. Can he turn it to his advantage? 19. Max King - The 260-pound Superior Talent hopes to use the inspiration of the beautiful Kelly at ringside to power him from the advantageous #19 position into the triple threat and to From The Fire! 20. Bloodshed - Alan Clark's psychotic side enters at #20, ready to rumble through the ring... but will the Martial Law member be able to survive after entering at #2? Rules: Two wrestlers start in the ring. Every two minutes, another wrestler will enter. A wrestler is eliminated when they are thrown over the top rope and both feet hit the floor. When it gets down to three men left, the match becomes a triple threat, with the first pin deciding the winner. WORD LIMIT: 15000. This was done for several reasons. CC understands that many writers feel that they simply don't have the time to write a match long enough to compete, and this discourages them. With this word limit, we're trying to level the playing field, so to speak, so that some writers who may have less time will attempt to write instead of preemptively throwing in the towel. If you go over 15,000 words, it had better be the best fucking thing you have ever written, and it had better blow everyone else's match out of the water. Also, if you go too far over the limit, that's a slap in the face and we will auto-job you -- and writing that much only to get autojobbed is not fun. Pay attention. Also -- yes, I know some of you hate the thought of writing this much, and will not write this match no matter what I say. That's cool. This is not something you'll be punished for no-showing. - TMF But if you post anywhere on this board about how you're not writing, or how you're upset with being booked in this match, I'm going to turn the other cheek when you get Bushwhacker Luke'd. Thank you. Marker: Slots 1-5 can send your matches to Ace309. Slots 6-10 can send your matches to Dace59. Slots 11-15 can send your matches to 5_moves_of_doom, and slots 17-20 can send your matches to Justice. Clark, send your match to Tom. Each marker will select the best match from their pool and forward it to me, Chuck Woolery, where I will make the final decision. PURE WRESTLING MATCH Dace Night v. Toxxic -> This match has been brewing for weeks, after Dace Night returned from England on a temporary visa. It looks like it may be Dace's last appearance in the SWF, and he wants to go down with a bang -- and if he gets his way, that bang could take Toxxic out of the picture for a good, long while! Rules: Only three ropes breaks allowed, no punching, 30-minute time limit. You kids know the rules; I won't get into too much depth here. Marker: Ace309 Edited January 25, 2005 by Ace309 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Crowe 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 Fuck yeah. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 Note: Bloodshed "stats" will be posted in Clark's stats by tomorrow night around midnight EST. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Ill One 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 Sweet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Secret Agent 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 Hurry up, Clark. I'm waiting on your Bloodshed stats to finish my match! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. S£im Citrus 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 !!!! .... :: bites tongue :: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisMWaters 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 ...OK, for a newbie to this type of match... How does one go about writing this match? Write the entire thing from the first entrant? Just write from your entrant on? Thanks in advance. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muzz 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 It'd be the entire thing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Golgo 13 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 I hope you guys know I'm winning this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 *Sees Grappler's name* Oh, SHIT! Anyway, I don't want to rant until I've started, but is 15,000 really enough words? TNT's 'Fuck was 24k. Grappler's was 22k. And to be honest, I can't see myself NOT going over 15k. I'm not spending my week doing what I had to do with my World Title match and re-editing lines, chopping sentences and all that crap. I'm not against a word limit. But 15k is, what, three times a midcard match? 20k I could understand, but 15k? For a Rumble AND a triple threat match? Eh, I dunno. Like I say, I'll see how things go. If I can't get a hold of the limit, then I'll maybe promo or something. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. S£im Citrus 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 :: sighs :: Okay, so how does the triple threat part work: first fall wins, or elimination? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cuban Linx 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 First fall wins. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muzz 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 These two have never locked up to my knowledge, but when they do, it's going to be HUGE. Genesis. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 *Sees Grappler's name* Oh, SHIT! Anyway, I don't want to rant until I've started, but is 15,000 really enough words? TNT's 'Fuck was 24k. Grappler's was 22k. And to be honest, I can't see myself NOT going over 15k. I'm not spending my week doing what I had to do with my World Title match and re-editing lines, chopping sentences and all that crap. I'm not against a word limit. But 15k is, what, three times a midcard match? 20k I could understand, but 15k? For a Rumble AND a triple threat match? Eh, I dunno. Like I say, I'll see how things go. If I can't get a hold of the limit, then I'll maybe promo or something. Landon, I know this was back in the day, but the original Clusterfuck was 9,000 words. That's it. I don't remember Stevens' count off-hand, but I believe that it was around 12,000 (Mark, correct me if I'm wrong). Point being, it can be done. You guys are all infinitely talented writers, and I'm sure that you can find a way to write this sort of match in less than 15,000 words. Hell, when I wrote it last year, it was tough for me to get to 12,000 (and this is why I no-showed). The real reason this happened was because of TNT's 'Fuck, and because of Supes' 'Fuck. Yes, they were both great matches, but it's entirely possible that they won on length rather than substance. The word limit is putting the emphasis back on writing a good match, rather than a really fucking long one. Now, let's hope Tom says this more eloquently. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 *Sees Grappler's name* Oh, SHIT! Anyway, I don't want to rant until I've started, but is 15,000 really enough words? TNT's 'Fuck was 24k. Grappler's was 22k. And to be honest, I can't see myself NOT going over 15k. I'm not spending my week doing what I had to do with my World Title match and re-editing lines, chopping sentences and all that crap. I'm not against a word limit. But 15k is, what, three times a midcard match? 20k I could understand, but 15k? For a Rumble AND a triple threat match? Eh, I dunno. Like I say, I'll see how things go. If I can't get a hold of the limit, then I'll maybe promo or something. Landon, I know this was back in the day, but the original Clusterfuck was 9,000 words. That's it. I don't remember Stevens' count off-hand, but I believe that it was around 12,000 (Mark, correct me if I'm wrong). Point being, it can be done. You guys are all infinitely talented writers, and I'm sure that you can find a way to write this sort of match in less than 15,000 words. Hell, when I wrote it last year, it was tough for me to get to 12,000 (and this is why I no-showed). The real reason this happened was because of TNT's 'Fuck, and because of Supes' 'Fuck. Yes, they were both great matches, but it's entirely possible that they won on length rather than substance. The word limit is putting the emphasis back on writing a good match, rather than a really fucking long one. Now, let's hope Tom says this more eloquently. Well, I've no problem with the word limit in theory, don't get me wrong. I think maybe it's just me, as I suck at sticking to word limits. I think you'd call me 'over descriptive'. Where-as guys like DubCee and Zack can write as much of a match as me, in about half the words. Still think 15k may be a LITTLE strict, but like I say, I'll give it a try and see how I go. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cuban Linx 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 It can definately be done, in the year Grand Slam won my finished match was the longest at a tick over 14,000 words. It'll be tricky though, i just planned out a summary of my match from start to finish and that alone took about 5000 words, so commentary and description will no doubt be taking a hit in places, and some characters will probably end up being short changed in terms of time in the match, but those are just sacrifices that will have to be made. And people not feeling they have to write 50,000 words just to compete should help get more people to actually show this time, i don't think even a quarter submitted anything the last two years. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 Now, let's hope Tom says this more eloquently. Ash nearly won one year, before he broke out, because he locked himself in his room and wrote 20k+. Meanwhile, genuinely good matches and genuinely good writers got smoked out by overly long matches. This isn't supposed to be about fucking stamina. So we decided on the "natural" upper limit for a PPV main event type match to level the playing field. Trust me, a week from now if there hadn't been a limit you'd all be dead. Sometimes you're going to complain no matter what we do, and in that case I have to take the position that's going to do two things: 1) Be easier on me - I'm not going to bullshit you on this one, and 2) Be better for the fed on the whole. Now, if you all want me to rant about PPV matches spiraling out of control, get some milk and oreos and I'll roll out the rugs for storytime, but other than that.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sly 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 *Goes to get cookies.* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hank Kingsley 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 If you take out all of the weird inside jokes and general fluff in my Clusterfuck, you'd have a word limit somewhere around the 15k. I just got so bored writing some parts, I had to entertain myself somehow. Fluff was the answer. Also, having a limit at 15k means I'll be able to write this year. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 25, 2005 If you take out all of the weird inside jokes and general fluff in my Clusterfuck, you'd have a word limit somewhere around the 15k. I just got so bored writing some parts, I had to entertain myself somehow. Fluff was the answer. Also, having a limit at 15k means I'll be able to write this year. That explains a lot. Eh, don't worry about me guys, I'm just cranky from not getting any sleep for the past three days. So, is this a full-time comeback Supes? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hank Kingsley 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 depends on if I win or not. Zing. I can't be arsed to draw up a full stats sheet for Grappler, but I'll edit something in here later tonight with the basics. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
5_moves_of_doom 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 16. Kaine - Surprisingly enough, Kaine's never held the Cruiserweight championship, or any gold for that matter. He's actually a bit of an ugly duckling in the SWF, but you know what they say about the Clusterfuck: It's where SWANS are made! (Just look at TNT.) HEY! And that 15000 word limit is so, so ghey. Logical, and less work for me, but ghey nonetheless. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
5_moves_of_doom 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 Ash nearly won one year, before he broke out, because he locked himself in his room and wrote 20k+. But Ash beat you, so he MUST be good, remember?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 TNT, didn't you skip out on getting laid to write the Clusterfuck? Yeah, I'm not planning to go that route for a title shot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 Bloodshed stats are placed in the bottom of the Clark stats. Nothing big, an entrance an a few move suggestions. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Secret Agent 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 What's up with Clusterfuck not having a theme song? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 I'm okay on stats for everyone except Strangler. Grappler I'm old enough to remember (Resthold, resthold, resthold.) But Strangler I need stats or at the very least a basic recap for...so no doubt, guys like Max and Sly will too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisMWaters 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 What's up with Clusterfuck not having a theme song? How about "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba for the theme? ^^ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Golgo 13 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 God, anything but Chumbawumba. And regarding Strangler's stats, they can be found here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ace309 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2005 If you have Grappler put someone in a bearhug for eleven minutes and then throw him unceremoniously out of the ring, you will have used Grappler properly. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
