Worst film you've ever seen

[RedJed 0]

Had to start this (or perhaps its lost in months past archives) but what was the most worthless, no value whatsoever, film you have ever had to sit through? Some films can be so bad they may be intentionally hilarious or at least worth watching, akin to the train wreck theory, but there are just some that are so stupid and ridiculous, they shouldnt even have been released in the first place. Most of us know the difference.

 

I just had to sit through All Souls Day last night and, even after a fuckin blunt, this damn movie had NOTHING to offer. Apparently portrayed as a horror film, this seemed to be the farthest thing from it sans possibly a full minute or two of low budget gore. Can't emphasize how horrible this film was. Has anyone seen this besides me? It's definately NOT recommended.

[Guest wildpegasus]

Kill Bill Vol 1

 

Some Italian horror flick I watched

[Special K 0]

The Avengers, House of the Dead and Batman & Robin are probably the worst, which Avengers probably being the winner. (loser?)

[Placebo Effect 0]

All Souls Day was bad, but not the worst movie I've ever seen.

 

Ax 'Em. There's no other logical choice.

[Guest JMA]

Batman and Robin.

[Guest El Satanico]

Pearl Harbor and War of The Worlds (2005)

 

I'll admit they aren't candidates for "worst. movies. ever", but the sheer hate I have for them is shared by no other films.

 

I'd rather watch a non-MiSTied Manos: The Hands of Fate on loop for 4 hours.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Van Helsing

[razazteca 0]

Prophecy 3: The Ascent (2000) it did not have enough Christopher Walken in it and the person playing the part of Danyael was'nt a good actor.

[Guest JMA]

Van Helsing

I can't believe I forgot about that pile of crap.

[Boon 0]

Donnie Darko. Most overrated piece of shit I've ever seen.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

[Sideburnious 0]

Kill Bill Vol 1

 

Walks the line etc

 

 

Those who say batman and robin, I recommend watching it with a few friends and pizza/beers etc. Its so entertaining when your expecting nothing from it.

 

 

Off the top of my head I'd have to for Fat Slags (an english film based on low brow comic book characters). I technically saw it for free, which usually gives me a more understanding and tolerance for films but I was cringing during this and really wanted to leave. It just wasn't funny at all

[Bruiser Chong 0]

Reading through the posts, I'd take a stab in the dark in saying you haven't seen many movies if your choices are the worst movies you've ever seen.

[Gary Floyd 0]

Feardotcom (fortunately, the director redeemed himself by directing the Masters of Horror episode "Fair Haired Child)

House of the Dead

The Avengers

Godzilla '98

All Souls Day

Last Days (Gus Van Sant, you fucking suck)

Pretty Persuasion (the fakest attempt at dark humor and social commentary I've ever seen)

[chirs3 0]

Ghost World. Excruciatingly dull.

 

I'd certainly give a Runner Up nod to Kill Bill Vol. 1, though. Good call.

Edited January 22, 2006 by chirs3

[Ravenbomb 0]

North

[Masked Man of Mystery 0]

Oh man, Fear.com....how could I forget it, that movie was so bad I traded it in within a week of seeing it, it takes a lot for me to hate a movie like that. Also, Kung Fu Arts, it has almost no Kung Fu and the worst special effects I've ever seen. That's all that comes to mind right now.

[Corey_Lazarus 0]

Man...you guys REALLY need to pick up a few of the no-named indie releases at your local Blockbuster or Hollywood Video locations...

 

Hell of the Living Dead (AKA Night of the Zombies)

Most people here know that I'm a zombie fanatic. Hell, for a very short while, the movie board was owned by vivisecti, Satanico (IIRC), and myself with nothing but talk of zombie films. This is one of the worst zombie films I've ever, EVER seen. Terrible acting, lackluster special effects, and a good 20 minutes of the film's 90-minute running time is stock footage. Fuck, the only good thing about this movie was that every character dies at the end of it, and that the soundtrack was stolen from Dawn of the Dead (yeah, director Bruno Mattei stole the Goblin songs).

 

Island of Death

Excruciatingly horrible. This movie is what every exploitation movie should aim to avoid being: lame. The kills, while somewhat inventive, were just pulled off in the worst ways possible (and with kills such as a bulldozer decapitation, a man being thrown into a limestone pit during a rainstorm, and somebody being hanged from a plane 10,000 feet in the air), and...it just hurt me to watch it.

 

Redneck Zombies

There was one interesting part about this movie, and it's such a small scene that has nothing to do with the rest of it: one of the main characters drops acid and begins pulling the innards out of one of the zombies, and mistakes his pancreas for a squeaky-toy. Everything else...made me want to kill myself.

 

Alien Resurrection

The only "good" movie on my list. Completely ruined the entire series by throwing every little fact about the xenomorphs out the window (they don't spit acid, their whole bodies were shown when it was made clear in the first and second film that the reason they work as deadly killers is by camouflaging themselves in their surroundings, and the main characters were all the same one-liner wiseasses that are the solitary heroes in your average action flick) and bringing Ripley back with a shitty storyline (they cloned her...and somehow she had alien DNA in her, despite the fact that parasites don't bond with their hosts on any genetic level). Plus...HALF ALIEN/HALF HUMAN!?!?!? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!?!!?

 

Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5

Let's forget about 2 and 3. They still followed the rules set forth in the first film (Trioxin 245 brings the corpses back to life, they run and talk, and they can only die by some form of incineration). In these two, the fucking zombies by BY TAKING SLUGS IN THE CHEST! And then, of course, there's the horrible acting, mediocre-at-best special effects (and I accept terrible dark blue facepaint and can lids on pullstring covered with putty as bulletholes for zombie flick SFX), and...gah. They shat on a horror legend more than the other two piece of shit sequels did.

 

EVERY FILM BY BRAIN DAMAGE FILMS

Seriously. Every movie I've seen by this company - Hell's Highway, The Zombie Chronicles, Dead Life, and Grave Vengeance - has made me want to stab people, namely the assholes who work at Brain Damage Films. Avoid all of these at all costs.

 

Black Mask 2: City of Masks

Not even the ownage of Rob Van Dam and Tyler Mane could make this watchable. Tyler Mane is incredible in b-grade action/horror yarns, and RVD is fucking RVD, who made the 10 minutes he was in Blood Moon wonderful (and, BTW, Blood Moon is actually a damn good action flick). It was...ugh. I sat through what seemed like an hour and a half, and then it turned out that I'd only watched half of it. One of, if not the, only movies I've ever rented and then returned without finishing watching it.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

Kill Bill Vol 1

 

Donnie Darko. Most overrated piece of shit I've ever seen.

 

???

 

Off the toip of my head, the first Worst Movie I ever watched is Soul Survivors.

[SuperJerk 0]

Reading through the posts, I'd take a stab in the dark in saying you haven't seen many movies if your choices are the worst movies you've ever seen.

I think that only applies to the people saying Kill Bill. Jesus, people, at least admit it was well-made on a visual level, even if you thought it ran too long.

 

I think the reason we hate "Batman and Robin" so much is because we hold the characters in such high regard and it was painful to see them portrayed the way they were in that movie. Plus, your automatic tendency is to compare it to other Batman movies (especially after you've seen the excellent "Batman Begins"). Same reason praising "Pearl Harbor" will get you an eye-burning bloody death-stare from me, since I like "Tora! Tora! Tora!" so much. Same thing with "A Time to Kill" and "To Kill a Mockingbird".

 

I have no explanation as to why I hate "Armageddon," other than it was irritating to watch on almost every level a movie can be watched. I might have liked it had it been made as a comedy instead of tear-jerking, super-patriotic, action movie.

 

Worst movie I've ever seen?

 

Exempting movies I've only seen on MST3K, either Highlander 2: the Quickening or The Crow: City of Angels.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

What is so bad about a limestone pit in a rainstorm? Does water fuck with limestone?

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

Ransom

[Placebo Effect 0]

Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5

Let's forget about 2 and 3. They still followed the rules set forth in the first film (Trioxin 245 brings the corpses back to life, they run and talk, and they can only die by some form of incineration). In these two, the fucking zombies by BY TAKING SLUGS IN THE CHEST! And then, of course, there's the horrible acting, mediocre-at-best special effects (and I accept terrible dark blue facepaint and can lids on pullstring covered with putty as bulletholes for zombie flick SFX), and...gah. They shat on a horror legend more than the other two piece of shit sequels did.

 

If you ignore the lack of attention paid to the ROTLD rules, the fourth one isn't that awful. The fifth one, yes, that one is unbelievably bad.

 

What kills me about the fourth one is that they built up how deadly the parent zombies were, and then just killed them off like it was nothing.

 

EVERY FILM BY BRAIN DAMAGE FILMS

Seriously. Every movie I've seen by this company - Hell's Highway, The Zombie Chronicles, Dead Life, and Grave Vengeance - has made me want to stab people, namely the assholes who work at Brain Damage Films. Avoid all of these at all costs.

 

Well, to be fair, most Brain Damage films are simply ones they've chosen to distribute.

 

Witch's Sabbath, which they produced and found larger distribution for through Maverick Entertainment, is a fantastic movie from the "so bad it's good" perspective.

[Ravenbomb 0]

nothing better to do, so, my bottom 10:

 

1: North

2: Polish Vampire in Burbank

3: Manos: Hands of Fate

4: Hobgoblins

5: Caligula

6: Love and a Bullet

7: Wing Commander

8 : Jaws: The Revenge

9 : 2001: A Space Travesty

10: Exorcist 2: The Heretic

[Vyce 0]

I have to agree with Bruiser Chong, you guys haven't seen enough movies.

 

Here's one for you: "Feeding the Masses", which is a Shock-o-Rama film. It's about zombies. Holy shit, you think ROTLD 4 & 5 are bad? I've seen both ROTLD 4 & 5, and they are masterpieces compared to this pile of shit. When the best compliment someone can give you is "It's sort of like 'The Dead Next Door'," you're really in fucking trouble, seeing as The Dead Next Door was one of the most godawful horror / zombie films I've ever seen, but at least they had the excuse of shooting on Super 8 with a budget only in the thousands. This turd is even worse than Dead Next Door. It's not even really good for laughs.

 

Looking at Shock-o-Rama's website, everything they put out seems like it will be equally as bad. It's like someone wanted to make a third-rate Troma, only without the quirky charisma & tongue-in-cheekness that Troma possesses. Apparently Shock-o-Rama makes their money on Misty Mundae and her softcore porn scenes in their movies.

[Placebo Effect 0]

I have to agree with Bruiser Chong, you guys haven't seen enough movies.

 

Here's one for you: "Feeding the Masses", which is a Shock-o-Rama film. It's about zombies. Holy shit, you think ROTLD 4 & 5 are bad? I've seen both ROTLD 4 & 5, and they are masterpieces compared to this pile of shit. When the best compliment someone can give you is "It's sort of like 'The Dead Next Door'," you're really in fucking trouble, seeing as The Dead Next Door was one of the most godawful horror / zombie films I've ever seen, but at least they had the excuse of shooting on Super 8 with a budget only in the thousands. This turd is even worse than Dead Next Door. It's not even really good for laughs.

 

Looking at Shock-o-Rama's website, everything they put out seems like it will be equally as bad. It's like someone wanted to make a third-rate Troma, only without the quirky charisma & tongue-in-cheekness that Troma possesses. Apparently Shock-o-Rama makes their money on Misty Mundae and her softcore porn scenes in their movies.

 

I'd take the time to explain the logistics of Shock-O-Rama to you, but I just don't want to.

[... 0]

Recently, "Honey."

 

And all time? "The Black Hole." Largely because of how could it could have been. Interesting premise, solid villain, fucking Maximillian's ownage. But the lousy special effects, innappropriate scoring moments, lack of coherence, logic, Maximillan Schell slapping his forehead, the robot subplot, Ernest Borgnine and Yvette Mimeaux... UGH.

[spman 0]

In the nearly 4 years I've worked in the theater buisness, I've seen some real stinkers. The only one that truely sticks out in my head as being so overwhelmingly bad that I truely felt I was wasting my time and doing myself a disservice by watching it, and thus walked out was last years film "Boogeyman"

[Zack Malibu 0]

I remember doing a similar thread about two years ago, actually...ah well, you knew that wasn't getting bumped anytime soon, lol.

 

I'm with Corey on Redneck Zombies for sure. I love the Troma movies and the like (I know RZ isn't a Troma movie and is only distributed by them, I just mean the similarities with gore/comedy like the Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke 'Em High, etc.) but I hate hate HATE this movie. The sad thing is that I've seen it more than once. Still, one of the few movies that made me want to punch my TV in protest, and this is coming from a guy who owns and likes From Justin To Kelly.

 

Another movie that I can't stand is a low-budget karate (actually "karate", since the amount of martial arts in the movie is about 5 minutes total) film called Blackbelt II: Fatal Force. The original Blackbelt was a fun, low budget Don Wilson vehicle that easily kills an hour and a half of your time, and was a staple of HBO and Cinemax in the mid-late 90's along with the Bloodfist, Martial Law and China O'Brien movies, amongst others. This movie was actually finished in 1987 under the name "Spyder", then released in '92 under this title. The basic gist is that a group of mercenaries are getting money out of a rich guy who believes his son that was taken prisoner in Vietnam is still alive. Apparently there are POW's in HAWAII, or so this movie would have you believe. Anyways, the mashed together plot had the mercenaries fake finding the son, using some drug addicted actual former POW, who was brother's with a cop who was partner's with Brad Spyder (and if that doesn't reek of an 80's actioner name, what does?), but then the cop goes to Hawaii to find his brother and gets killed by the mercenaries, so Spyder goes to Hawaii for REVENGE. Got all that? Because if that sentence went too fast and made no sense, then this movie puts it to shame. The sad thing is, I purposely wrote it that way...if they purposely made the movie this bad, then the producer, director, and even the caterer should be kicked in the junk.

 

I'm also not a big fan of Police Academy: Mission To Moscow. I used to love that series more than anyone, but seriously...quit while you're (somewhat) ahead, guys.

 

I'm sure I'd be here all night listing movies I hate, but these are a few of the main ones.

[Guest Smues]

I'm sure I'll think of more but the two that come to mind are Wing Commander and A Guy Thing. A Guy Thing had me trying to twist my own head off. And Wing Commander wasn't so bad as it was just dull, and didn't feel like a movie. First time I've left the theater not sure if I watched a movie or just a blank screen for 90 minutes.

 

 

 

OH FUCK HOW DID I FORGET: Corky Romano. Fuck that's number 1 with a bullet (hopefully in Chris Kattan's brain.) So so so so fucking painful to watch that unfunny pile of shit. It's real fun too when you work in a fucking cafeteria and somehow have to watch it at work. Proof that god is mean. Fuck you Chris Kattan.