Guest Felonies! Report post Posted June 26, 2006 By Y2Jerk's demand. Jay, we need something to take the edge off you. How about a sassy black kid. He can call you "Uncle Jay," and you can call him "Little Shabazz." Jay, this is your boss. I've obtained legal permission to hunt men on my property for sport. Bring your jogging shoes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
devo 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 "Rosebud... yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness. Wait, that's terrible. I quit." "And I'm hiding from those ruffians who wish to manhandle my dickie and kick my ascot!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Dammit, ELM took my favorite quote... "Are you prone to having blackouts?" "No." "Are you prone to having blackouts?" "No." "Are you prone to having blackouts?" "No!" "Oh, better than the rest of us, Mr. I-Know-Where-I-Am-At-All-Times!" "Sorry..." ... "Are you prone to having blackouts?" "Yes!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Felonies! Report post Posted June 26, 2006 What if we find a cure, like in Lorenzo's Oil? Isn't that the movie you called a mixture of fantasy and crap? Yes. I dubbed it "fantacrap." :Franklin sits reading the NYC yellow pages: Franklin, my life is an endless grey corridor. Mmm. I've been there too. Usually there's a midget making googly eyes at me. I call him Mr. Piccolini. You heard me, Teddy. Put your pants on and get out! I, ah, didn't come with pants, and I'm naught leaving with pants. PENGUINS CAN'T FLY Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 When Margo was dating the grunge rocker and they went to the concert and had to lift Jay on stage with a crane Voice from audience: "Hey, it's Meatloaf!" Jay: "Shut up!" I still occasionally say that whenever I see a pic of the real Meatloaf Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tommytomlin 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 'Son, I've got one word for you. Snapple.' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 (Franklin has glued all of the silverware (and the cat) to the ceiling) Jay: Okay, I understand the silverware, but why the cat? Franklin: You *understand* the silverware? cookoo! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2GOLD 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 "I'm not wearing pants. I split my pants and now I'm not wearing pants." I use that line every chance I get. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BorneAgain 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Jay: Clint Eastwood returns as Dirty Harry in Robo-Canine-Cop-and-a-Half... 2. Chief: Alright Callahan, your partners have a way of dying on ya, so I got you a new rookie fresh from the academy. Rookie: Hi. *explodes* Harry: That's a new one on me. Chief: Alright Callahan, I got some new partners for ya: a woman, a cute little kid, an ugly old dog, a dinosaur, and a leprechaun. Leprechaun: *does a jig* I'll be your lucky charm. *explodes as well* Harry: Aw, swell. Jay: Mom. Dad. I never made you laugh. Franklin: Well, I did chuckle a bit when you tried to eat that bird and fell over the cliff. Eleanor: No Franklin, that was the Roadrunner. Jay: No, that was me. Franklin: Son, I'm going to run for Vice President. And I'm going to be honest with the American people, I'm not going to wear this toupee anymore! [Rips the hair off the top of his scalp] Jay: Dad, you don't wear a toupee. Franklin: I will from now on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ravenbomb 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 EDIT: Crap, nevermind... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Smues Report post Posted June 26, 2006 I LOVE this thread. I've been on a major Critic kick lately. I think I've watched the whole run on DVD 7 times in the last two weeks. "You will nap or be eaten by the worm from hell!" "All hail Duke, Duke is life. All hail Duke, Duke is life." (then a bird flys into the mechanical moving mouth and is crushed) Cut to Duke Philips: "Pigeons seems to like the sound of my v" (crunch crunch crunch as another bird flys into his mouth) Target destroyed, say no to gays in the military "As president I'll run this country like I do my company. I'm gonna raid the pension fund, dump chemicals in the ocean, and sell our best assets to the Japanese. " "Ooo looks like Reagonomics is making a comeback!" "A reasonably priced wine at a dollar a jug. And now for a bit of magic, I will make this jug disappear" (glug glug glug) "This is a video will!" "What? I don't need this I've got a fishstick commercial in an hour...oh what the hell I need the money. The following is a terrifying journey into the world of probate, beneficiaries, and goblins!" "MR. WELLS!" "Fine, no goblins." And damn El Luch for using the green peaness line already, that's the best. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Felonies! Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Mrs. Pell's Fishsticks: They're even BETTER when you're DEAD! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericholic82 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Thanks for brining bakc this thread. the peaness line rules all it used to be in my sig. I can't rmemeber too manyh quotes right now since I haven't seen the show in like 2 years but Jays looking into his mind searching for the woman he truly loves, and its hosted by Ricki Lake. Suddenly Queen Latifah bursts into the "room" and says I love you truly or something, and he goes "Queen Latifah?" and she replies "Hey this isnt Denzels brain" It just made me laugh for some reason (earlier n the show QL had burst into Jays office in real life i think) other quote Alice: He cheated on me, I should have known buy his songs (recites titles including Daddys steppin out) and his record was titled "I'm cheating on my wife, Alice Tompkins, Yes, Alice Tompkins" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LoRisk 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Security Guard: Wait a minute, who are you guys? Terrorist: We're, um...caterers. Security Guard: You're heavily armed for caterers. Terrorist: We took the subway! Security Guard: You're lightly armed for the subway. Owl: HOO! Franklin: My wife, Eleanor. Owl: HOO! Franklin: My wife, Eleanor. Owl: HOO! Franklin: My wife, Eleanor. Owl: HOO! Franklin: My wife, Eleanor. Franklin: There's a reason for the banana in my ear. I'm trying to luuuure the monkey out. Franklin: Nilknarf! Jay: Hi, guyyyyyyyy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
devo 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Eleanor: I've forgotten how charming you can be. Franklin: And I forgot to turn the oven off. *cut to flaming mansion* Butler: Burn, baby, burn. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Hadley Report post Posted June 26, 2006 Karate Instructor: Ahh marty,,you get to take on Satoshi, the eater of souls Satoshi : WHO AWAKES ME FROM MY 700 Year NAP? (Later, in an ice cream parlor): Satoshi: Cookie Puss,,i will EAT YOUR SOUL! (Jay crashes through the floor, landing on rush limbaugh) Jay: Hey rush, race you to the food court Rush: I accept your challenge you liberal creampuff! MMM,,liberal creampuff Jay: How do you sleep at night? Ranier Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of hundred dollar bills surrounded by several beautiful women Jay: Just askin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Smues Report post Posted June 26, 2006 From the Pearl Harbor parady on the web Critic episodes. "What's wrong baby?" "I'm just afraid I'll get pregnant and then my Ben Affleck will come back from the dead." "Yeah, and the Japs will bomb pearls harbor" "You're right!" (pan to the Japanese) "I've seen too much prepostorious love making. Sound the attack!" "They may win the war, but they'll never match our fuel efficient cars and state of the art stereo equipment!" TOYOTA WHAT A FEELING Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperJerk 0 Report post Posted June 26, 2006 From the Pearl Harbor parady on the web Critic episodes. "What's wrong baby?" "I'm just afraid I'll get pregnant and then my Ben Affleck will come back from the dead." "Yeah, and the Japs will bomb pearls harbor" "You're right!" (pan to the Japanese) "I've seen too much prepostorious love making. Sound the attack!" "They may win the war, but they'll never match our fuel efficient cars and state of the art stereo equipment!" TOYOTA WHAT A FEELING Link plz. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Smues Report post Posted June 26, 2006 The whole internet run is on the dvd set. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special K 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2006 Marty: Being President's hard work. And all the other kids want to do is goof off and eat candy. Jay: Son, as President, you're above that. Cut to Reagan: Reagan: I do solemnly swear that as your President, I will goof off and eat candy. *falls asleep, starts snoring* Crowd: Four more years! Four more years! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Damaramu 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2006 How much is the DVD set? Is it the complete series? I must have it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
devo 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2006 You can find it over at Amazon for about $27, and yeah, it's the complete series. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericholic82 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2006 How much is the DVD set? Is it the complete series? I must have it! agreed, I got to get it. great quotes guys btw Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2006 Chief: Alright Callahan, your partners have a way of dying on ya, so I got you a new rookie fresh from the academy. Rookie: Hi. *explodes* Harry: That's a new one on me. Chief: Alright Callahan, I got some new partners for ya: a woman, a cute little kid, an ugly old dog, a dinosaur, and a leprechaun. Leprechaun: *does a jig* I'll be your lucky charm. *explodes as well* Harry: Aw, swell. Ahnold: You think you've got problems? I'm partnered with a pig, an alien, Siamese twins, a sofa, and a second rate mime. Mime: "Hey, I'm stuck in a box!" *explodes* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Renegade 0 Report post Posted July 2, 2006 Man, the quality in animation really nosedived in season 2. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Smues Report post Posted July 2, 2006 I actually preferred the season 2 animation. *Klingons teleport into Jay's apartment* Klingon mom:WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO SAY? Klingon kids: Thank you for the Pizza Mr. Sherman! *Klingons teleport out* ----------------------------------------------- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett_Rayne 0 Report post Posted August 4, 2007 keanu reeves and the merchant of venice beach: keanu: hath not a dude eyes, if you prick us do we not get bumned? if you poison is, do we not blow chunks? god i wish this show would come back with new episodes, there are so many movies and actors that the show can rip on Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbondrage99 0 Report post Posted August 4, 2007 "A Peanut is not a pea or a nut.... oh wait, it is a nut." For some reason thats the line that I always think of first. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Ocean 3 0 Report post Posted August 4, 2007 legume Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Longdogger_Pete 0 Report post Posted August 4, 2007 "If I could be any vegetable... I'd be a carrot!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
