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King Kamala

Let's Talk About...No Holds Barred

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Ross: "No Holds Barred? More like No Profit Allowed."

 

J.R. saying that has always stuck with me, for some reason. It comes to mind every time that I think of No Holds Barred, which is probably more often than you'd think. While watching that episode when it originally aired, I thought it was really hilarious and almost a little scandalous that they were tearing the movie to shreds like that.

 

I got into wrestling a little late to be a full-fledged Hulkamaniac and was only six when this movie came out, so it really didn't mean much to me. I ended up seeing it somewhere along the line and didn't think much of it. Suburban Commando is a different story altogether, and I definitely recall being deeply puzzled and having my belief in wrestling shaken a bit by The Undertaker's presence in the film.

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Suburban Commando is a different story altogether, and I definitely recall being deeply puzzled and having my belief in wrestling shaken a bit by The Undertaker's presence in the film.

 

His voice in that movie was a real "WTF" moment.

 

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Wikipedia says:

 

The movie debuted at #2, behind Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, with $5,000,000 in ticket sales. Hogan writes in his autobiography the budget was about eight million dollars. Vince McMahon, who financed the movie, more or less broke even because of distribution fees. The final tally was about $15,000,000 in ticket sales.

 

Wait, really? I thought the film didn't even crack the Top 10 when it came out! Is this legit?

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Yeah, I remember reading it was #1 or #2 on its opening weekend and then fell hard after that.

 

Why this movie isn't on DVD is beyond me....really if the Thunder In Paradise TV movies and The Secret Agent Club then why isn't this one? I need to see Hulk and Zeus's showdown in widescreen, dammit!

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It was hilarious that Indiana Jones made 21 million that weekend and No Holds Barred was #2 with 4.9 million.

 

In reality No Holds Barred isn't notable really. It wasn't the smash hit Vince and Hogan wanted, but it also wasn't the fiasco that revisionist history would have you believe. Just a forgettable B grade programmer with a wrestler.

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for this week's Let's Talk About

 

NIGER-PLEASE.jpg

 

This week's? More like "My haphazard thread starting". This is a great concept and has brought great discussion to the folder, but "this week's" is being awfully generous.

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Hey we've had them for three or four weeks running, Canuck.Granted, they were all started by me...

 

 

And Zeus did actually have a singles match. Not in WWF but he fought Abdullah The Butcher in Puerto Rico shortly after his WWF run. The match was on YouTube but now I can't find the damn thing. It was as bad as you'd imagine an Abdullah The Butcher Vs Zeus match to be.

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The TC didn't mention that Bill Eadie (Axe of Demolotion) was in the movie. He wrestled against Rip in the opening match.

 

Also, for Dexter fans, Hulk's brother in the movie is the same actor who played Rits's ex husband in the first two seasons.

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I'd swear I remember seeing Zeus squash some jobber on Superstars back in the day.

 

Yeah, I don't know about a singles squash but I vaguely recall him squashing some jobber in a handicap match on one of the weekend shows.

 

And boy that Zeus Vs Abdullah The Butcher match is even worse than I remember!

Zeus doesn't even get stabbed with the fork!

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I will never forget the two sentence review that No Holds Barred got in my (at the time) local newspaper after its opening weekend:

 

No Holds Barred: Never since Porky's has such a stupid movie ever been released. Not recommended (Playing at Cinema 1-2-3).

 

I disagree with that review. Porky's was far from a stupid movie.

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Ross: "No Holds Barred? More like No Profit Allowed."

 

J.R. saying that has always stuck with me, for some reason.

 

This stuck with me too, but I remember it coming across as pretty fake. McMahon had one of his phony laughs after JR said it, and it just seemed like one of those lines that Vince put together himself.

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One other thing...the promo bumper Vince did for The Match/The Movie was the first time I ever heard Vince's YOUUUUUU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIRED voice:

 

"Why have a Merry Christmas...WHEN YOU COULD HAVE A NO HOLDS BARRRRRRRRED CHRISTMAS!"

 

Imagine the second part of that in the Mr. McMahon voice. It was pretty creepy for 1989.

 

 

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