2009 TSM Poster Tournament: The Round of 32

[Twisted Intestine 0]

Dr. Venkman

Incandenza

Cheech

Slayer

 

Kinetic

Canadian Chris

Mellow

Fazzle

 

KOAB

Smues

King Kamala

Agent of Oblivion

 

Canadian GTRST

Black Lushus

Milky

Vitamin X

[Guest Czecherbear]

Venkman (I don't want to be seen as endorsing the wrestling side of this board, but I'm still cross about that one-word bandit thing.)

Incandenza (though not to say that Jerry Drake hasn't improved at boarding and makes me laugh. I closed that one thread because it was perfect for him to say he'd beat both people in a fgith, and leave it at that.)

Byron the Bulb (It's too bad Cheech isn't here for electioneering and basic stay-on-the-radaring. I like both but I had to pick.)

Ortonsault (You know what? Repeats DO suck! And nobody boards harder than Ortonsault. Besides, Slayer Nation will lock this up anyway, I'm sure.)

 

Snuffbox (This was tough, because I was ready to play my Fuckhead Twat card, but then I remembered that Snuffy called me Football Comatose in that very thread too! Man! It just wasn't my day! If I were still sore over the Bears' year of pointless mediocrity, I wouldn't vote for either of these jerkwads, themselves surely reeling from their own respective teams' year of pointless mediocrity. Nonetheless, I went ahead and voted for the underdog to ease my conscience as only voting for an underdog can do. Don't worry, K-Tic, you've got Matt Young or Chris next. Consider this grudge settled.)

Matt Young (This is poster of the year. Matt Young can sometimes be a whirling dervish of goat shit, but give me the highs and lows of Matt Young over the reliable white bread of CanadianChris.)

Bored (Mellow strikes me as the kind of downstater who DOESN'T think Chief Illiniwek is a symbol of all that is good about America's heartland, the way most red-faced dopes around Champaign do, and yet at the same time...one just can't be sure. The Chiefniks could be anywhere, amidst our ranks at any and every turn. There's only one way to be sure: vote for the guy from San Francisco. No way HE supports the rights of fratboys to dance around in buckskin. But if Bored says otherwise, I'm never voting for him again and I'm taking away his TWIB thread privileges.)

Edwin (He just made fun of me for hating the spread option by invoking BEAR WEATHER, and I like that. Still dunno who Fazzle is and I think he's been here at least four years.)

 

Smartly Pretty (He pulled out the closest back-and-forth match on the board last round. I want him to keep scrapping out the close ones like that. Grinder! Fire and the passion!)

Mattdotcom (BYRON CONVERTED ME ON THE TRAFFIC THING HOLY SHIT MAN. HEED HIS WORDS)

King Kamala (He made me feel good about enjoying Guster yesterday.)

Agent (Both are great, but Agent told me about a really cool vacation he took in an abandoned sanitorium in a forest. That's stellar, and just so, how you say...Agentesque.)

 

Kreese (Fun fact: Canadian Guy Tourist got bounced in the 32s in the last two years. Maybe three. I fear he's on his way to a third, maybe fourth. Sorry. Ran into a hard rock buzzsaw, my man.)

Treble (I really like Lushus, but he hates that he succeeds in these, so I vote against him. Paradoxically, he thinks I hate him when I'm just trying to help him not win! Ugh!)

Milky (Bloody ass name with menstrual dick stylus = Boarding hard)

Vitamin X (Like I said last round, Curry and I clash. Leo and I sorta clash, too--I think it's our colliding neuroses--but we manage to work around it and get along.)

[Black Lushus 0]

I see what you did there! Ugh indeed.

[bob_barron 0]

I don't want to be seen as endorsing the wrestling side of this board

 

You should be endorsing it. Venk's done a really good job of trying to generate discussion, and I love the General Wrestling folder. I know people look down on it b/c LOL WRESTLING but it's really not that bad, and doesn't deserve the derision it gets. Then again, I've always been a WWE folder advocate.

[CanadianChris 0]

WILLIAMS REGION

Dr. Venkman - Canadian vote.

Incandenza - He's good people.

Cheech - Baseball vote.

Slayer - I see lots more of him in the sports folder. Anyone who's a Vikings fan can't be bad.

 

SCOOTER REGION

Kinetic - Had a good year.

Canadian Chris - Hopefully I can make a run to the sweet 16 before the inevitable crushing by Kinetic.

Bored - Baseball vote, although mellow is an excellent poster and will likely win this matchup.

Edwin MacPhisto - Terrific poster. Insightful and usually good for a laugh (in a good way).

 

POPICK REGION

Smartly Pretty - Hockey vote.

Smues - No trouble voting for him this round. Great poster, great mod.

King Kamala - One of the best posters on the forum.

Al Keiper - More knowledgeable about baseball than anyone else I know.

 

ADMIN REGION

CanadianGuitarist - Canadian vote, and fellow Jays fan.

Treble - See above.

909 - Hockey/baseball/football/whatever vote. One of the best all around in the Sports folder.

Lord of the Curry - Canadian vote.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

I find it amusing that the TSM hockey fans all feel the need to stick together.

[Maztinho 0]

Voting

D-Williams

 

Venkman; Been boardin’ hard, he really came on in the last little bit as well.

EHME; he loves to fite

Cheech; He’s tremendous

Slayer; I voted against both these guys in the first round, OS bothers me.

 

Sco-K

 

Kinetic; The Bob YouTube will lead him to victory

Matt Young; Just because of his smug facial expression

Mellow; His job is to freeze us.

Edwin; Prince > Lodi, but not La Parka, alas…

 

Popick

 

KOAB; Been a favorite poster of mine since I started actually paying attention to the board.

Smues; Although an odd lower ranking, could be a spoiler, I need an upset special.

King Kamala; Pbone’s Super Sayain Hair doesn’t save him here, although this was the toughest choice in this round so far.

Agent; He’d draft the best player available, he’s a goddamn genius.

 

Mike Mc

 

Sensei; There is no fear in this dojo

Treble; I’m vindictive

Milkhawk; Repeats rule.

Vit X; Like he said, we’d likely get along until he annoyed me, but I’m hard to annoy so it’d just be getting along.

 

 

I had a tough first round draw, but I didn't get killed as bad as I thought I was when I first saw it. Sure I got blown out, but I got more than I thought I would. I'm actually surprised I got a 12 seed, I figured if I got in at all I'd be 15-16, so I'll need to board hard and keep that up and comer status Czech gave me and maybe make some noise next year.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

DANNY WILLIAMS REGION

Dr. Venkman Who you gonna call?

EHME Cuz he'll beat me up if I don't vote for him.

Byron I like his snazzy avatar/sig combo.

Slayer Slayer has been good all year. Just getting to know Xavier, and he seems pretty good too. I just haven't been around the CE folder much of late.

 

SCOTT KEITH REGION

Kinetic Taught me the ways of the Graphics and Testing Grounds folder. He's my TSMidol.

Matt Young Is Chris Matt Youngin' it? No? He should.

mellow I am going to need all the help that I can get this round.

Fazzle I like Edwin in the music folder, but us wrestling nerds gotta stick together.

 

STEPHEN POPICK REGION

KOAB Both are good, but I saw a lot less of Smartly Pretty in 2008.

Mattdotcom Really, this guy should win this whole thing.

King Kamala Parker is an exceptional CE poster, but Kamala was the top-of-the-board MVP.

Agent Russian Circles represent!

 

MIKE McKENZIE REGION

Sensei John Kreese I got dirt on u doggy.

Black Lushus Cause he's black.

Milky 909 was very helpful in the wrestling roster draft, but Nighthawk has been fun on multiple levels.

Vitamin X This was a difficult decision too.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

Oh shit.

 

Hey, was a ruling ever given on my desire to nominate myself ten times? My guess is no - surely I'd be higher than the 8/9 seed, and thus, wouldn't be facing SJK, shooting my "Sweet 16" dream in the foot. My dream has become a second-round, tire-spinning nightmare!

[Xavier Cromartie 0]

Slayer - I see lots more of him in the sports folder. Anyone who's a Vikings fan can't be bad.

I'm from Minnesota. I have attended Vikings games.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

Bored (Mellow strikes me as the kind of downstater who DOESN'T think Chief Illiniwek is a symbol of all that is good about America's heartland, the way most red-faced dopes around Champaign do, and yet at the same time...one just can't be sure. The Chiefniks could be anywhere, amidst our ranks at any and every turn. There's only one way to be sure: vote for the guy from San Francisco. No way HE supports the rights of fratboys to dance around in buckskin. But if Bored says otherwise, I'm never voting for him again and I'm taking away his TWIB thread privileges.)

 

My girlfriend offered me her Illini sweatshirt tonight and I said "Thanks, but no thanks."

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

Venk over Dandy. Close one.

Incan over EMHE. The fuck? EMHE in the second round? Can't vote for him. Can't encourage others to. Can't do it.

Byron over Cheech. Another close one.

Slayer over Orton. Orton's good, but his insistance on posting nothing but Somali Pirate stuff gives the nod to Slayer, who was worried about my love for him, or something. Breathe easy.

 

Kinetic over Snuff. A third close one!

CC over Matt Young. I ordinarily like Matt, but he's been voting against me all over the place, and he called me Twigs early today. To be fair, it used to be my gamertag on Xbox Live, but it hasn't been since July. Even then, everyone there called me Twiggy or a similar derivative. Matt Young has joined a select group that includes no one but my then-underage ex-girlfriend......Anyway, CC's one of my favourites.

Mellow over Bored.

Fazzle over Edwin. I like Fazzle.

 

Koab over Smartly. Tough pick, but drunk vote.

Smues over mattdotcom.

KKC over Pbone.

Al over AoO.

 

CanadianGuitarist over SJK. Me, you bastards. Me.

Treble squeaks by BL. BL's one of my favourites, but Treble's like a Canadian Slayer. Double whammy! This was the toughest pick of the second round.

Milky over K909. Second-toughest pick of the round.

 

The guy was a huge Benoit fan, and then Benoit killed his family. That's rough.

Somewhere in Graphics (or possibly CS), I said I was becoming the poster-tournament Benoit. VX is a huge fan of mine. Barron wholly decided my vote this round with the above quote. VX over LOTC in another very, very, very close one.

[Slayer 0]

Dandy - Like both guys, voting for the fellow Reds fan

Inc - Still one of my favorites

Cheech - Sports discussion guy. Also, no Byron

Me - In the interest of good sportsmanship, I don't fault Orty for his philosophy of "No repeats" for which he's been consistent, unlike some people (Leocough).

 

Kinetic - I don't take as much issue with snuff as he probably thinks I do, but Kinetic really has been on his game since coming back full-time

CanadianChris - Fellow (sort-of) Vikings fan, just as he voted for me

Bored - Another fellow sports chatter

Edwin - Another one of my top favorites on the board

 

Don't you love these general comments so far?

 

Koh-ab

Smues - Sports chat, yadda yadda

Pbone - I like Kamala, but Pbone has made me laugh quite a bit since he came to our fair board

Keiper - Real tough one for me here

 

Fucking A, I'm tired of writing these

 

Kreese

Treb

909

VX

[Slayer 0]

Slayer - I see lots more of him in the sports folder. Anyone who's a Vikings fan can't be bad.

I'm from Minnesota. I have attended Vikings games.

I did live in Minnesota for three years, though I didn't attend any games due to being somewhat poor plus lack of available tickets as that was during some of their prime years ('99 to '01... okay, not so much '01)

 

EDIT: I did go see them play at Arrowhead last year though

[Nighthawk 0]

Hey, I didn't even realize this was going on. And not believing in repeats means you have to vote me out right now? Gay!

 

Venkman - Much of what I say is not to be taken seriously. There's not really any way to determine what exactly those things are, but I never had any resentment toward him, as he thought I did. Liked him, really.

 

EHME - Pretty chuckleicious, and Inc is barely here.

 

Byron - Smartass, but not unlikable. Cheech seems fine, but I don't interact with him nearly as much.

 

Slayer - That other guy is a dumbass.

 

Kinetic - Awesome.

 

Matt Young - I know who Canadian Chris is, and yet don't.

 

Mellow - I agree, he's a sleeper here. One of the best.

 

Edwin - My nigga.

 

KOAB - My nigger.

 

Smues - Seemed to get my reference to the 70s/50s Song recently, and that counts for a lot.

 

Kamala - I love them both, but pbone screwed me out of a place to stay once and I have to retaliate somehow. I went over there once and defaced his roommates room, and made horrible sexual comments to her, and said I would kill her dog. But he didn't like her either, so that really doesn't count.

 

Agent - Pretty easy.

 

Kreese - Hardest one of the round. Really.

 

Lushus - Selected by chance.

 

VX - Both good, I've interacted with Leo more... see, I even know his name.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

Seriously bob, good one. I laughed my fucking ass off with that line.

[Bored 0]

Bored (Mellow strikes me as the kind of downstater who DOESN'T think Chief Illiniwek is a symbol of all that is good about America's heartland, the way most red-faced dopes around Champaign do, and yet at the same time...one just can't be sure. The Chiefniks could be anywhere, amidst our ranks at any and every turn. There's only one way to be sure: vote for the guy from San Francisco. No way HE supports the rights of fratboys to dance around in buckskin. But if Bored says otherwise, I'm never voting for him again and I'm taking away his TWIB thread privileges.)

I'm the furthest thing from a fratboy so you can always feel confident in giving me your support.

 

I'm not very familiar with mellow and he's probably not very familiar with me either, but it does seem just based on the seeding I'm in trouble this round. So I'll go ahead and point out possibly the most important contribution I've ever made to this board was this past September when I introduced you all to this:

 

 

Now credit goes to Agent of Oblivion for making it the symbol of joy that posters want to show when their particular favorite sports team has accomplished something of grandeur. Even if it is not enough to sway your vote, I am proud to have given you all the Excited Dotel meme.

 

Dandy

Incadenza

Cheech

Slayer

 

Kinetic

CC

Me

Edwin

 

SP

Smues

Kamala

Agent

 

SJK

treble

909

VX

[Matt Young 0]

CC over Matt Young. I ordinarily like Matt, but he's been voting against me all over the place, and he called me Twigs early today. To be fair, it used to be my gamertag on Xbox Live, but it hasn't been since July. Even then, everyone there called me Twiggy or a similar derivative. Matt Young has joined a select group that includes no one but my then-underage ex-girlfriend......Anyway, CC's one of my favourites.

 

Huh? Left and right? There was only this tournament in which I could vote for you, and since I couldn't decide between you or Amnesia, I voted for Scottie Pippen. I don't care if you vote for Chris- and whoever does win between us will be raped by Kinetic- but what you said makes little sense.

[Kinetic 0]

Venkman: Has been the subject of a number of my dreams recently, and was the true inspiration for my "Dreams: What do they mean?" thread in Graphics Testing. It was he who convinced me to abandon my post at the Golden Pantry in my terrifying Redd Foxx dream; it was he who filled my burrito with PCP and forced me to smoke it through the small hole in the aluminum foil in my burrito-smoking dream; and, most horrifically of all, it was he who caught the 70-yard bomb from Brett Favre that was called back by a holding penalty in my Favre-to-Venkman dream. You could claim that he's only revealed his eyes and eyebrows here, but I wouldn't believe you; to me, in each of his posts, he reveals a little bit of his soul.

 

Incandenza: My top phone buddy here, and #3 overall in my Fave Five. Inc and I have our Board Buddy Phone Time every Sunday night, in conversations sometimes lasting as long as three hours. I cherish these talks, and have come to regard them as a means of recharging my batteries before another week of crushingly meaningless life stuff. Though he's been somewhat preoccupied battling his various venereal diseases over the last few years, he's still one of the few genuine treasures of this board whenever he's around.

 

Byron: I sometimes struggle to remember what my life was like before TSM brought Byron into my life. I'm reluctant to even call it a life, really. What was I doing, and who did I think I was kidding? I wish that someone had told me how ridiculous I looked. You see, Byron has shown me that no matter how hip you may think yourself to be, there's bound to be some prick in Michigan or something who's about a million times cooler than you ever could be. So you probably shouldn't even try.

 

Slayer: I wish that Slayer would stop sending me instant messages. Our conversations were enjoyable at first, but he has become increasingly threatening and insistent over the last several months. He hides it well, and in a public forum like this one you'd never know anything had changed. But in private, he's become a kind of monster. I want to cut off contact, but I fear that I'll never meet anyone else to share instant messages with. I'm not sure what to do. Also, Ortonsault should marry a Somali pirate if he likes them so much.

 

Kinetic: Remember that thread snuffbox started about mailing anthrax to orphanages? I do.

 

Matt Young: I also have trouble telling the "Canadian______" guys apart. But no one--not David Faustino, not anyone--has ever been mistaken for Matt Young. If Fartsauce is TSM's very butthole, then Matt Young is its smug, smirking taint.

 

Mellow: I understand that mellow likes his pancake stacks short and sassy. He calls them "sassystacks."

 

Edwin: Edwin MacPhisto has a very serious drinking problem. If, at some point in the coming weeks and months, he asks you to deposit your spare change into a PayPal account he has set up, do not do it. He will only spend it on booze. I have established a separate account dedicated to raising money to get him back on his feet: PM me for details on how to donate money to his cause. And pray that we're not too late.

 

KOAB: KOAB has a very serious drinking problem. If, at some point in the coming weeks and months, he asks you to deposit your spare change into a PayPal account he has set up, do not do it. He will only spend it on booze. I have established a separate account dedicated to raising money to get him back on his feet: PM me for details on how to donate money to his cause. And pray that we're not too late.

 

Smues: Smues, AKA Grizzly Man, was killed during the filming of a movie documenting his unique lifestyle. I dedicated my victory in the TSM Fantasy Football League to his memory, and will donate any of my winnings in this tournament to his widow. Godspeed.

 

Pbone: Men of good fortune often cause empires to fall, while men of poor beginnings often can't do anything at all. The rich son waits for his father to die, while the poor just drink and cry. And me? I just don't care at all. Men of good fortune very often can't do a thing, while men of poor beginnings often can do anything. At heart they try to act like a man; handle things the best way they can. They have no rich daddy to fall back on. Men of good fortune often cause empires to fall, while men of poor beginnings often can't do anything at all. It takes money to make money, they say. Look at the Fords, but didn't they start that way? Anyway, makes no difference to me. Men of good fortune often wish that they could die, while men of poor beginnings want what they have and to get it they'll die. All those great things that life has to give! They wanna have money and live! But me? I just don't care at all.

 

Agent: He once offered to help me get a job at his warehouse, which is more than any of you other fuckers can say.

 

Kreese: While I do find Sensei John Kreese's claim to have fathered 13 children with 11 different women a tad reprehensible, I think that, with Denver's zone blocking scheme, he can be effective on third downs and in goal line situations.

 

Treble: Deep moveset. Crisp delivery. Believable selling. His time in the fabled Hart family "dungeon" really paid off.

 

Milky: Okay, but who hasn't used their girlfriend's menstrual blood to write their internet handle on her ass?

 

Vitamin X: While I'm somewhat concerned by the extremely detailed fan fiction he's written about killing Ichiro Suzuki, I'd gladly accept his invitation to catch a Mariners game.

[Guest Czecherbear]

LOU REEEEEEEEEEEED

 

Hey, Kinetic, you forgot the last group!

[Smartly Pretty 0]

I brought this up last year, but it's relevant again because Kinetic said no one has ever been mistaken for Matt Young. I used to confuse Matt Young and Kinetic all the time. I guess because they're both skinny white guys? I wasn't really paying as much attention back then.

[fazzle 0]

Venk

Inc

Cheech

Ortonsault

 

Kinetic

Matt

Bored

Fazzle

 

KOAB

Smues

Pbone

Agent

 

Guitarist

Treble

909

VX

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

It makes plenty of sense. Two votes against me in two possible votes is 'all over the place'.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Hey CG, I got tickets to the Flames Vs. Habs on Feb 9... So fuck you.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Incandeza-Seriously, I've been knocked out in the first round three years running and functional retard EHME makes it to the second?

 

 

Me >>> You, bitch.

[Guest Czecherbear]

That is such early 1990s typography, even for a 1950s period movie.

 

I just want to echo Bulb's sentiments that godthedog getting bounced was pretty lame. I slotted him as high as I could, but I'm bound by the will of the people.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

Hey CG, I got tickets to the Flames Vs. Habs on Feb 9... So fuck you.

 

Enjoy your loss at home this time, douchebag.

[Carnival 0]

Venkman

EHME

Byron

Ortonsault - tough one, Ortonsault is my boy 4 life, and Slayer beat me in the most epic of screwjobs in 06

 

snuffbox

matt young

bored

edwin

 

KOAB

smues

kamala

al

 

SJK

Black Lushus

Milky

VX

 

I notice the 4th bracket is pretty stacked. We wouldn't Black Lushus pulling an Obama on our home turf would we Czech?

[Cuban Linx 0]

Venkman

Incandenza

Byron

Slayer

 

Kinetic

CanadianChris

Bored

Edwin MacPhisto

 

KOAB

Smues

Kamala

Agent

 

Kreese

Treble

Milky

VX

[bob_barron 0]

It's not lame at all, LOTC is a quality poster and gtd's posts are unreadable.

 

I was really hoping EHME would get John Ashcrofted.