The Agent of Oblivion question of the day

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

What has been the craziest night of your life, involving you being drunk?

[Richard 0]

I've never been drunk.

[... 0]

I only had three beer at an after-hours party at work, unaware that such a party was illegal. One kid in his early twenties got after it too too much and got alcohol poisoning and I was unaware. Since I was technically a supervisor, I didn't know until after 911 was called. Lost my job. Ruined my life. Filled me with blind misanthropic hate. That was five years ago and I'll still be a wreckage five years from now probably.

[Obi Chris Kenobi 0]

Shopping Trolley down the highstreet, I probably should have died that night. That is why I now know I'm in-de-struct-able (Street Fighter reference for those who care)

[Copper Feel 0]

Getting kicked out of a particularly rough pub after all the locals decided to beat me up. I have some memories of being there, and of it being quite violent, but I don't remember being in any kind of conflict myself.

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

I've never been drunk.

 

people like you are the worst people on the planet. that's great and all, there are plenty of people who are abstinent for various reasons. here's the thing...

 

WHY POST IN THE THREAD?!?! you just want to make it all about yourself and have people be either like:

 

a) whoa dude that's cool, ur edgy bro mad props

 

or

 

b) HEY HES NEVER BEEN DRUNK! LETS PAY ATTENTION TO HIM AND ASK HIM ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS SOBRIETY!

 

 

nobody gives a fuck. stop trying to make it all about yourself.

[zhangmeijie 0]

Well I have not being a drinker for a long time.

 

I used to be though. My craziest drunk moment was trying to steal a taxi because the driver said I was too drunk to get home. I got about six yards. Then the taxi driver pulled me out of the car. (I didn't shut the door I think, a bit hazy.) I ran away and never was cought for it.

 

For many months I was afraid to hail a taxi in case it was the same driver.

[Art Sandusky 0]

I'm kinda lame. I drink regularly, sometimes to the degree that I couldn't walk a straight line if someone had a rifle pointed at my face, but never do anything really wild or crazy. No fights, no misguided hookups, no injurious stunts, nothing. Zhangmejie's story is the best so far though.

[At Home 0]

Got a blowjob from a lesbian in a park, then hooked up with my sisters roommate while my sister was sleeping next door.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

I doubt that I can remember what could be considered the craziest night of drunken madness, but many years ago I got lost in downtown Chicago with a couple close friends. It was after the Girls Against Boys concert, and we had already been drinking all night. I found myself stumbling around with a 40 oz. in hand and somehow sneaking onto the roof of the Holiday Inn. Throwing a wooden ladder off of a parking garage roof to watch it break. Lots of public urination but no vomit that I can recall. Finally located the car around dawn. I actually have dozens of pictures somewhere that could accompany this story.

 

Though I don't think that compares to the time that I drank a fifth of Southern Comfort with double my nightly dosage of Ambien out of sheer stupidity. I don't remember much, other than waking up to a fifteen-page journal entry, much of which was illegible, and my dirty clothes basket downstairs, next to the washing machine, covered in puke. The washing machine lid was open and the water was sitting, dormant. I really can't recall my actions, other than what my roommates relayed to me, which included but was not limited to me telling off one of my roommate's girlfriends (who nobody liked) and regaling everybody with my Sabu impersonation. This was on a weeknight, btw.

 

Don't be like me, kids.

[King Cucaracha 0]

I really can't recall my actions, other than what my roommates relayed to me, which included but was not limited to me telling off one of my roommate's girlfriends (who nobody liked) and regaling everybody with my Sabu impersonation.

 

The pointing to the skies kind, or the trying to springboard off of something high and falling flat on your ass kind?

 

And I'm one of those "never drunk" people who are apparantly worse than Hitler, which is comforting to know, although I've got an alibi for posting in the thread, so maybe I'm just one rung above the scum of the earth.

[Smues 0]

I don't think I've had any really crazy drunken nights. I'm a dull drunk. Best I've got is the time I went to my Russian co-worker's birthday party and learned that no matter how much Vodka you may drink, you'll never be able to keep up with the Russians. I made the mistake of being the first non Russian to arrive, so I got introduced to everybody else, and so for every toast (which seemed to be every 5 minutes) guess who was the only non Russian getting called over? Half of the guys can't speak English but they could yell SMUES COME TOAST. I was puking in the bathroom before the party had really even gotten started. First time I ever threw up from drinking before I got home first.

 

Don't try to out drink the Russians, you'll fail.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

I really can't recall my actions, other than what my roommates relayed to me, which included but was not limited to me telling off one of my roommate's girlfriends (who nobody liked) and regaling everybody with my Sabu impersonation.

 

The pointing to the skies kind, or the trying to springboard off of something high and falling flat on your ass kind?

 

I really don't remember. This was around the time where I was not shy about putting on my generic luchador mask and crashing through random, purposeless objects at parties, so anything is possible.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

You guys will be my crazy story this evening. Trust me, it will be worth the wait.

[The Niggardly King 0]

...

 

There was the time I got kicked out of an Angels game for "scuffling" with some Dodger fans. I believe that I had half a bottle of Captain Morgan along with half a bottle of Bacardi, followed by 4 or 5 Coronas. I don't remember much.

 

Then there's the time I got smashed and decided to fuck up my old high school. I flipped over soccer goals, dumped trash cans all around the place, pissed all over the shipment of science books they left outside, and then pissed off the top of the 4 story math & science building. I was contemplating taking a shit off the top but then I thought I might fall and then be left with the most pathetic way of ending up paralyzed/dead like falling face first in my freshly dropped deuce from 4 stories. While this was happening the last janitor there locked the gates up and I had to drunkenly get my ass over the fence. I ripped up my favorite pair of jeans and shirt escaping. Luckily I only live 2 blocks away so I didn't have to walk far with my left pants leg missing.

 

Good times.

[Hitler Cubano 0]

There's too many of these to mention, honestly. Enough that I can't really pick one out in particular. And a lot of them are only really funny or interesting in the "you had to be there" kind of moments. In the past year or so though, I hooked up with this girl in my friend's bathroom- while people were coming in and out to pee- and I tend to get fairly buzzed on Sunday nights when I bomb little kid's bikes down huge steep hills with a bunch of other people. But that's been going on for several years now, although I've only participated (more on-off recently) for about a couple years. I successfully evaded the police at least 2-3 times during the summer when the crowds for this particular event explode to a couple hundred people and they start busting out the stings. That's always fun.

[The Niggardly King 0]

There was one time when my friend got too drunk and kept falling down. His face ended up scratched up and the cops came by and thought I beat the shit out of him. They drove him home while telling jokes and shit, then dropped me off and didn't care that I was underage at the time.

 

"Nah, you did nothing wrong... your friend needs to grow a pair and handle his liquor."

 

We refer to this night as Invisible DDP Diamond Cutting him about every two minutes. It actually looked like he was taking bumps instead drunkenly bumbling, stumbling, and falling down.

[Lei Tong 0]

I've gotten pretty fucked up before, but I'm not sure anything I've done has been particularly wild or crazy. I'd probably narrow down between:

 

- Walking out of the bar with my pants off (which was also one of my places of work at the time)

- Firemen's carrying my much more drunk friend home (luckily just down the street)

- Walking around Vegas with a bottle of Jack in my hands, asking women what it would take for them to let me pee in their butts.

[Jingus 0]

Craziest? I dunno, there's been various times when alcohol was chugged and felonies were committed. Felonies which I'm pretty sure haven't passed their statute of limitations yet, so they shall not be discussed.

 

Instead, I'll share the first time I got drunk. Unlike just about everyone in this country, I actually never drank until I was 21. There was a wrestling show held at a nightclub, which featured several workers I was buddies with. (The nightclub itself was kind of ghetto and regularly featured gang violence, but I didn't know that at the time. I was just confused as to why the security guards insisted I had to tuck in my shirt.) I ended up getting into the VIP lounge by complete accident, and ended up sucking down twelve Zimas while discussing booking andpromotional tactics with the equally drunken boss of the wrestling show. At least the club employees took it in good humor when I puked on the floor on the way out, I didn't get my ass kicked or anything. And then I stared the demon of DUI in the eye for the first time. Fortunately I had a friend who lived close by, but even just driving for ten minutes at 40 mph down a totally straight road was a pretty nerve-wracking experience. The next day, I was not only hung over, I was still drunk until around noon.

 

Got a blowjob from a lesbian in a park, then hooked up with my sisters roommate while my sister was sleeping next door.

See, I told you that virginity wouldn't last long.

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

I've never been drunk.

 

people like you are the worst people on the planet. that's great and all, there are plenty of people who are abstinent for various reasons. here's the thing...

 

WHY POST IN THE THREAD?!?! you just want to make it all about yourself and have people be either like:

 

a) whoa dude that's cool, ur edgy bro mad props

 

or

 

b) HEY HES NEVER BEEN DRUNK! LETS PAY ATTENTION TO HIM AND ASK HIM ALL KINDS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS SOBRIETY!

 

 

nobody gives a fuck. stop trying to make it all about yourself.

Either that's a horrible attempt at sarcasm or you're one of the most idiotic people on the board. Or both, I dunno.

 

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

do everyone a favor and ingest cyanide.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Both of you, shut up.

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

Hey, not my fault the guy's an idiot! Just stating facts.

[Smues 0]

Smues question of the minute for EHME:

Are there any white cops on TV you like?

[rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0]

Also: cyanide? Where the fuck did that come from?

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

gosh golly! what an idiot! get back on topic, douche. that was the point of my initial post, too. it's a pet peeve of mine when some douche posts in a thread to show that they're better than everyone else. you don't engage in the behavior which the thread is referring to? great! don't post.

 

now you, you're just being an internet tough guy. lets fite. gtfo. my last post on the issue. carry on with the thread.

 

edit: lots of douche in my post. my mission is complete

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

There was one time when my friend got too drunk and kept falling down. His face ended up scratched up and the cops came by and thought I beat the shit out of him. They drove him home while telling jokes and shit, then dropped me off and didn't care that I was underage at the time.

 

"Nah, you did nothing wrong... your friend needs to grow a pair and handle his liquor."

 

We refer to this night as Invisible DDP Diamond Cutting him about every two minutes. It actually looked like he was taking bumps instead drunkenly bumbling, stumbling, and falling down.

 

This reminds me of the time that I camped out at Turkey Run State Park when I was nineteen. I consumed my fair share of Captain Morgan Spiced, Barcardi Light Dry, a couple Long Island Iced Teas, some Jello shots and many cans of beer. The only time I can remember not being able to walk in a straight line. Usually, no matter how fucked I've gotten, it's never been that bad. Also, I gave some chick a black eye when our heads collided. And I almost fell into a campfire. And I threw up in a tent. This is why I barely touch hard liquor nowadays.

[zhangmeijie 0]

Let us all get drunk and celebrate this thread!

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Smues question of the minute for EHME:

Are there any white cops on TV you like?

 

Yes.

 

- Jim McNulty on The Wire as well as Prezbo

- Strike Team on the Shield aside from Ronnie(hell one of my previous usernames was Vic Mackey)

- Kellerman, Munch, and Bolander on Homicide. Hell, Bolander and Munch ranks up there with my favorite cop duo with Vic and Shane, and Herc and Carver from The Wire.

 

I use to like Herc on The Wire, until he snitched on Buddy Colvin in Season 3. But from Season 1-2 he was hilarious.

[FroGG_NeaL 0]

Man.. way too much shit...

 

I've walked/ran down the rail of a bridge in Pittsburgh. apparently someone dared me to do it, I don't remember any of it.

Got one of my front teeth kncocked out fighting with some bouncers at a club one night. They beat the FUCK out of me.

Almost cut my arm to the point of amputation from punching a window.

 

Those are three good ones off the top of my head. I'll post more later.