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'08 Player Rankings: Closers

List contains the top 30 in Saves. I know you will all be shocked that K-Rod isn't #1.   Closer Rankings   1. Mariano Rivera, Yankees   17.3 Win Shares 34.0 VORP 10.3 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  GF SV   IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO  HBP  WP  BFP  IBB  BK  ERA *lgERA *ERA+ WHIP +--------------+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+--+------+----+----+----+---+----+----+---+---+-----+---+---+-----+-----+----+-----+ 2008 38 NYY AL   6   5  64   0   0   0  60 39   70.7   41   11   11   4    6   77   2   1   259   0   0  1.40  4.44  317 0.665     2. Joe Nathan, Twins 3. Jonathan Papelbon, Red Sox 4. Joakim Soria, Royals 5. Kerry Wood, Cubs 6. Brian Fuentes, Rockies 7. Brad Lidge, Phillies 8. Francisco Rodriguez, Angels 9. Bobby Jenks, White Sox 10. Takashi Saito, Dodgers 11. Jose Valverde, Astros 12. Billy Wagner, Mets 13. Jonathan Broxton, Dodgers 14. Matt Capps, Pirates 15. Huston Street, A's 16. Trevor Hoffman, Padres 17. Francisco Cordero, Reds 18. B.J. Ryan, Blue Jays 19. Kevin Gregg, Marlins 20. Jon Rauch, Nationals/Diamondbacks 21. Salomon Torres, Brewers 22. Brian Wilson, Giants 23. Ryan Franklin, Cardinals 24. Mike Gonzalez, Braves 25. J.J. Putz, Mariners 26. Brandon Lyon, Diamondbacks   27. George Sherrill, Orioles   5.0 Win Shares 5.8 VORP 3.4 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  GF SV   IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO  HBP  WP  BFP  IBB  BK  ERA *lgERA *ERA+ WHIP +--------------+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+--+------+----+----+----+---+----+----+---+---+-----+---+---+-----+-----+----+-----+ 2008 31 BAL AL   3   5  57   0   0   0  49 31   53.3   47   28   28   6   33   58   1   1   239   6   0  4.73  4.53   96 1.500   28. Troy Percival, Rays 29. Todd Jones, Tigers 30. C.J. Wilson, Rangers

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Bored

 

10/27: Spooky Anthem Renditions

6 p.m.   • Good for you, Bob Ryan. He's on Around the Horn's face time ripping apart Patti LaBelle's rendition of the National Anthem. Wow. I thought I was the only one that thought it was godawful.     I can't stand it when people try to put their own "spin" on the Anthem. Most times it fizzles.   • I did it. I did it. I did it. I found the ONE BLACK GUY who isn't voting for Osama!     It gets even better. Check out what Troy Polamalu said about what's important to him in a candidate.     • Oh, and I LOVE MIKE SINGLETARY! From his press conference after the 49ers lost to Seattle and his tight end committed a dumb personal foul, which caused Mike to send him to the showers early.     Here's what I love even more about him. Years ago some team (I can't remember which -- Dallas or San Diego) had its new head coach all but lined up. However, the team had to interview a minority candidate, which is required by the league. Problem was, a number of candidates refused to be interviewed for a job that was already filled. When Mike was asked to be interviewed, he took the opportunity. He didn't get the job, but he said afterward that you don't pass up an opportunity like that because even though you may not get the job today you might get a head coaching job somewhere down the line as a result of this inverview.   • Back to my Larry Foote article: The Trib had a list of athletes donating money to candidates. Oh how my heart sank when I saw that Mario Lemieux gave a few thousand to Hitlery.   It's OK, Mario. I forgive you.   Oh, and Jim Kelly gave $250 to McCain. Don't know why that made me laugh but it did.   • Hmmm, if this is fair game, I guess I could have a mannequin of Osama hanging from a tree in my yard.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

Carnival Top 25 10-27

(#) = last week   1. Texas 8-0 (1) 2. Penn St 9-0 (2) 3. Alabama 8-0 (3) 4. Oklahoma 7-1 (4) 5. Florida 6-1 (5) 6. Georgia 7-1 (6) 7. Texas Tech 8-0 (8) 8. USC 6-1 (7) 9. Oklahoma State 7-1 (10) 10. LSU 5-2 (9) 11. Ohio State 7-2 (11) 12. Missouri 5-2 (14) 13. Utah 8-0 (12) 14. Boise State 7-0 (13) 15. TCU 8-1 (16) 16. Florida State 6-1 (17) 17. BYU 7-1 (18) 18. Ball State 8-0 (21) 19. Minnesota 7-1 (24) 20. Oregon 6-2 (NR) 21. North Carolina 6-2 (NR) 22. South Florida 6-2 (15) 23. Kansas 5-3 (20) 24. South Carolina 5-3 (NR) 25. Tulsa 8-0 (NR)   others - Michigan State 7-2 (NR), Maryland 6-2 (NR), California 5-2 (NR), Connecticut 6-2 (NR), Boston College 5-2 (NR)

Carnival

Carnival

 

Top 25 Phillies, Via Win Shares

Eight years ago, Bill James produced his book on win shares. In that book, he listed each franchise's top 25 players by that statistic. In the ensuing period, the Phillies have had a run of success, finishing above .500 nearly every season and winning back to back division titles for only the second time in franchise history. With the club now producing several franchise players, I thought it might be worth updating the list.   1. Mike Schmidt (467) 2. Ed Delahanty (365) 3. Richie Ashburn (289) 4. Robin Roberts (277) 5. Steve Carlton (276) 6. Sherry Magee (274) 7. Bobby Abreu (247) 8. Pete Alexander (238) 9. Roy Thomas (233) 10. Del Ennis (215) 11. Dick Allen (211) 12. Johnny Callison (209) t-13. Gavvy Cravath (188) t-13. Chuck Klein (188) t-15. Jimmy Rollins (184) t-15. Greg Luzinski (184) 17. Willie Jones (179) 18. John Titus (177) 19. Cy Williams (176) 20. Sam Thompson (166) 21. Billy Hamilton (165) 22. Pat Burrell (163) t-23. Von Hayes (158) t-23. Fred Luderus (158) 25. Darren Daulton (154)   Chase Utley currently has 126 win shares. He is signed through 2013, and if he maintains his current pace he could begin to challenge that top six. Ryan Howard has 94 win shares. No one else on the team is currently within striking distance. Rollins is under contract through 2011. Again, he could end up with about 260 win shares at the end of his deal.

EVIL~! alkeiper

EVIL~! alkeiper

 

10/24: At Least It Wasn't Some Puerto Rican Guy

6 p.m.   • So my little part of the country has been in the news as of late. The latest DRAMAH~! Is an out-of-state chick that claimed some black guy robbed her and carved a “B” on her face after seeing her car’s McCain bumper sticker.     This just didn’t seem right from the start. Don’t believe me? Check the other place.   ************************************************************************           ------------------------------------------------------   And in response to a Jobber of the Week post:     ************************************************************************   On top of my “rape”comment, said black-dark-skinned man carved a LETTER into her cheek. A letter. Trust me, the government schools in the Shittsburgh region aren’t that effective. And one would have to assume the perp would be able to READ the words "McCain" and "Palin."   However, what I REALLY got a kick of was this shithead who said his voters are RACIST~!     Oh please let this be the year you finally lose. Murtha is like our region’s own Robert Byrd in terms of creating his own little economy with DC money.   • Hey, who says the BUSH ECONOMY is all bad?     The fuck -- Illegals come and go from the U.S. for CHRISTMAS?! I'm surprised there's nothing in this article about Pedro not being able to buy presents for his 12 kids.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

'08 Player Rankings: Middle Relievers

It's the list you've all been waiting for...the guys who aren't good enough be starting pitchers or closers!!!!   I almost decided to skip doing middle relievers this year as I'm rarely satisfied with the final rankings and always change the guidelines that I use for who I include in the rankings. This year I opted for the top 60 in relief appearance, excluding those who will be on the closer list. I should probably do more than 60 as there's a few good ones that don't qualify (Grant Balfour and Brad Ziegler for example) but there's only so much time want to spend looking at stats for set up men.   Middle Relievers   1. Matt Thornton, White Sox   23.3 VORP 2.11 ERC 2.75 FIP 48 PRC   Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  GF SV   IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO  HBP  WP  BFP  IBB  BK  ERA *lgERA *ERA+ WHIP +--------------+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+--+------+----+----+----+---+----+----+---+---+-----+---+---+-----+-----+----+-----+ 2008 31 CHW AL   5   3  74   0   0   0  12  1   67.3   48   20   20   5   19   77   2   3   268   2   0  2.67  4.57  171 0.995     2. Carlos Marmol, Cubs 3. Chad Qualls, Diamondbacks 4. Jesse Carlson, Blue Jays 5. Scott Downs, Blue Jays 6. J.P. Howell, Rays 7. Manny Delcarmen, Red Sox 8. Ramon Ramirez, Royals 9. Ryan Madson, Phillies 10. Hideki Okajima, Red Sox 11. Rafael Perez, Indians 12. Heath Bell, Padres 13. Russ Springer, Cardinals 14. Dennys Reyes, Twins 15. Damaso Marte, Pirates/Yankees 16. Dan Wheeler, Rays 17. Chad Durbin, Phillies 18. Doug Brocail, Astros 19. Jeremy Affeldt, Reds 20. Will Ohman, Braves 21. Brian Shouse, Brewers 22. Octavio Dotel, White Sox 23. John Grabow, Pirates 24. Joel Hanrahan, Nationals 25. Tony Pena, Diamondbacks 26. Joe Beimel, Dodgers 27. Chad Bradford, Orioles/Rays 28. Scot Shields, Angels 29. Joe Smith, Mets 30. Jeff Bennett, Braves 31. Eddie Guardado, Rangers/Twins 32. Javier Lopez, Red Sox 33. Matt Lindstrom, Marlins 34. J.C. Romero, Phillies 35. Saul Rivera, Nationals 36. Jesse Crain, Twins 37. Kyle McClellan, Cardinals 38. Trever Miller, Rays 39. Mike Lincoln, Reds 40. Tyler Walker, Giants 41. Manuel Corpas, Rockies 42. Duaner Sanchez, Mets 43. David Weathers, Reds 44. Rafael Betancourt, Indians 45. Blaine Boyer, Braves 46. Cla Meredith, Padres 47. Sean Green, Mariners 48. Bob Howry, Cubs 49. Scott Schoeneweis, Mets 50. Tyler Yates, Pirates 51. Pedro Feliciano, Mets 52. Alan Embree, A's 53. Jamey Wright, Rangers 54. Renyel Pinto, Rays 55. Luis Ayala, Nationals/Mets 56. Wesley Wright, Astros 57. Matt Guerrier, Twins   58. Aaron Heilman, Mets   -1.1 VORP 5.45 ERC 4.66 FIP 24 PRC   Year Ag Tm  Lg  W   L   G   GS  CG SHO  GF SV   IP     H    R   ER   HR  BB   SO  HBP  WP  BFP  IBB  BK  ERA *lgERA *ERA+ WHIP +--------------+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+--+------+----+----+----+---+----+----+---+---+-----+---+---+-----+-----+----+-----+ 2008 29 NYM NL   3   8  78   0   0   0  23  3   76.0   75   48   44  10   46   80   9   2   356   8   0  5.21  4.21   81 1.592   59. Ron Villone, Cardinals 60. Jack Taschner, Giants

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Bored

 

Carnival Top 25 10-21

(#) = last week   1. Texas 7-0 (1) 2. Penn St 8-0 (2) 3. Alabama 7-0 (3) 4. Oklahoma 6-1 (5) 5. Florida 5-1 (4) 6. Georgia 6-1 (6) 7. USC 5-1 (7) 8. Texas Tech 7-0 (8) 9. LSU 5-1 (9) 10. Oklahoma State 7-0 (10) 11. Ohio State 7-1 (11) 12. Utah 8-0 (14) 13. Boise State 6-0 (15) 14. Missouri 5-2 (12) 15. South Florida 6-1 (17) 16. TCU 7-1 (NR) 17. Florida State 5-1 (23) 18. BYU 6-1 (13) 19. Pittsburgh 5-1 (24) 20. Kansas 5-2 (18) 21. Ball State 7-0 (25) 22. Georgia Tech 6-1 (NR) 23. Vanderbilt 5-2 (20) 24. Minnesota 6-1 (NR) 25. Boston College 5-1 (NR)     others - Virginia Tech 5-2 (16), Northwestern 6-1 (NR), Kentucky 5-2 (NR), South Carolina 5-3 (21), Tulsa 7-0 (NR)

Carnival

Carnival

 

Why I Didn't Give a Shit about the Last Ten World Series

Finally. Finally, finally, finally, finally I am excited about a World Series. I don't give a shit about the predictions of this being lowest rated World Series ever. If this ends up being true, then it's Fox and MLB's fault (and by proxy the WWL) for programing casual fans to think that only the Yankees, Red Sox, and Cubs matter. I personally have not watched the majority of a World Series since 1997 and let me run down each year as to why I didn't care.   1998: New York Yankees vs. San Diego Padres   At this time I was fairly indifferent towards the Yankees but I was always partial to the Padres because I liked Tony Gwynn. This was clearly a huge mismatch and I knew the Padres had no chance but I did tune into Game 1, which I was into until the bottom of the 7th when Tino Martinez took a pitch right down the middle (or at least that's what I remember) that should been a called strike three against Mark Langston to strand the bases loaded and keep the game tied. Next pitch, grand slam, and I tuned out from the rest of the series after that.   1999: New York Yankees vs. Atlanta Braves   Already saw them play in '96 and had no desire to see them play again. I think I watched about five minutes of Game 1 and that was it.   2000: New York Yankees vs. New York Mets   I like most people outside of New York and Bristol, CT didn't give a shit. Did not watch a single second of the series.   2001: New York Yankees vs. Arizona Diamondbacks   Now this one I think I will have to revisit some day but at the time I couldn't be bothered to watch any of it, not even Game 7. The Yankees had eliminated the A's for the second straight and this time in heartbreaking fashion in part to the most overrated defensive play in baseball history because some fat fuck didn't slide...not that I'm still bitter. I wanted to no part of the Yankees or any sort of baseball after that.   2002: Anaheim Angels vs. San Francisco Giants   Finally the Yankees reign of terror is stopped but instead we get the Rally Monkey against the Assholes by the Bay. Giants fans are the most smug group of fans in sports, with no real reason to be, and this didn't help matters. I think briefly tuned into Game 6 to torture myself but that was it.   2003: New York Yankees vs. Florida Marlins   Once again the Yankees were back to poison us all so once again I didn't tune in, although I think I did flip on the end of Game 6 due primarily to this board.   2004: Boston Red Sox vs. St. Louis Cardinals   Now I was genuinely intrigued by this series, for a brief moment. If had to say who my N.L. team is, it'd probably be the Cardinals because I did pretty much adopt them as my second favorite team and followed them pretty closely when Mark McGwire played there. I really thought it would be a good series and since it was the Red Sox, it would end with Boston have their hearts ripped out which is always fun. How wrong I was. I watched most of Game 1 and then quickly lost interest.   2005: Chicago White Sox vs. Houston Astros   Now this series was kinda similar to this year because it was a very fresh match-up. But 2005 was all about LOLZ OZZIEBALL > MONEYBALL and Joe Morgan and the usual band of idiots slobbering all over the White Sox ability to "manufacture runs." If it had ended up being a competitive series I might have tuned for a Game 6 or 7 but it wasn't, so I didn't watch any of it.   2006: Detroit Tigers vs. St. Louis Cardinals   Now I'm going to contradict myself with the "Caridnals are my N.L. team" thing because I really didn't want them to win this series. The baseball elitist in me simply didn't want to see an 83 win team win a World Series because I felt it cheapened the whole season. I didn't have any real animosity towards the Tigers for shitkicking the A's right out of the ALCS but I was disappointed that I wouldn't get use my World Series tickets so really wasn't up for watching the series. I think I tuned in every once in a while during the series but overall the whole thing fell flat and I could only put up with so much "David Eckstein is clutch and scrappy" talk.   2007: Boston Red Sox vs. Colorado Rockies   God damn did the 2007 postseason suck ass or what? Didn't watch a single second of the series.

Bored

Bored

 

Another Pointless Top 25 Poll #3

This week I spent five minutes working on the poll instead of the usual ten.   1. Texas 2. Alabama 3. Penn State 4. Oklahoma State 5. Oklahoma 6. Georgia 7. Florida 8. Utah 9. USC 10. Ohio State 11. LSU 12. TCU 13. Pittsburgh 14. Boise State 15. Texas Tech 16. Missouri 17. Georgia Tech 18. Boston College 19. Minnesota 20. South Florida 21. Northwestern 22. BYU 23. Florida State 24. Ball State 25. Tulsa

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'08 Player Rankings: Right Fielders

This list lives up to Smues' hype!   Also...Ryan Ludwick: Big Fluke or Biggest Fluke Ever?   Right Fielder Rankings   1. Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals   26.4 Win Shares 53.6 VORP 10.9 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 29 STL NL 152  538  104  161  40  3  37  113   4  4  62 146  .299  .375  .591  150  318   1   8   3   8   8     2. Nick Markakis, Orioles 3. Brian Giles, Padres 4. Vladimir Guerrero, Angels 5. Andre Ethier, Dodgers 6. Xavier Nady, Pirates/Yankees 7. Jermaine Dye, White Sox 8. Bobby Abreu, Yankees 9. Alexis Rios, Blue Jays 10. Ichiro Suzuki, Mariners 11. Magglio Ordonez, Tigers 12. Randy Winn, Giants 13. Jayson Werth, Phillies 14. J.D. Drew, Red Sox 15. Hunter Pence, Astros 16. Brad Hawpe, Rockies 17. Ken Griffey Jr., Reds/White Sox 18. Corey Hart, Brewers 19. David Murphy, Rangers 20. Eric Hinske, Rays 21. Ryan Sweeney, A's 22. Kosuke Fukudome, Cubs 23. Jose Guillen, Royals 24. Jeremy Hermida, Marlins 25. Mark Teahen, Royals 26. Justin Upton, Diamondbacks 27. Jay Bruce, Reds 28. Franklin Gutierrez, Indians 29. Gary Matthews Jr., Angels   30. Jeff Francoeur, Braves   6.0 Win Shares -17.3 VORP 3.2 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 24 ATL NL 155  599   70  143  33  3  11   71   0  1  39 111  .239  .294  .359   73  215   0   4   5  10  18

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10/16: Delighting In Fatherly Advice

9:30 p.m.   • So last week the better half and I were watching this 100 Greatest Rap Songs of ALL TIME, or something like that. (I think there’s a TSM thread about this.) I have no idea why we were watching this. I had it on because it was late and I was curious to see if there were any “Where are they now?” features to the hip-hoppers I grew up listening. Mrs. kkk was watching just to laugh at the names (bitch got a slap for dissing my “Q-Tip” from A Tribe Called Quest). It was down to the last two songs and she asked me what I thought they would be. I said “Rappers Delight” should be number two and “The Message” should be number one. I was right on “Rappers Delight.” This is my all-time favorite song of any genre, and I’m talking about the 15-minute version – not the hippie 4-minute radio/video friendly airing.   Part I     Part II     I knew “The Message” wasn’t going to finish first because it was already mentioned, so the better half asked my thoughts on Number One. I actually pondered this during the commercials and said the following: “It will probably be something political and overrated – 'Fight the Power' by Public Enemy."   I was right.   Look, I like “It Takes a Nation of Millions” and “Fear of a Black Planet,” but “Fight the Power” is NOT the top hip-hop song of ALL-TIME. Put it at Number Three, but “Rapper’s Delight” and “The Message” are in a league of their own.   Speaking of “Rapper’s Delight” I have a childhood trama story regarding this tune. Back in its heyday, this song was often played by my two half-brothers. This of course got me listening to it on a frequent basis. For some reason, as a kid my favorite part of this epic was the verse that starts out, “Have you ever gone over to a friend’s house to eat and the food just ain’t no good?” I memorized this verse and suddenly this talent of mine to recite this urban poem of unacceptable dinner cuisine was something I was called on to perform whenever the old man was talking with one of his friends/acquaintances. Here is how most of these recitals began:   “Son, sing the ‘Cheese Song’.” (See the bolded text below for why it was the “Cheese Song.”)   “I don’t want to.”   “SING THE GODDAMN SONG~!   ”Have you ever have you ever went over a friend’s house to eat and the food just aint no good? I mean the macaroni's soggy the peas are mushed and the chicken tastes like wood. So you try to play it off like you think you can by saying that you’re full. And then your friend says momma he's just being polite he ain’t finished uh uh that's bull. And so your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie and you say that you already ate. And your friend says man there's plenty of food so you pile some more on your plate. While the stinky foods steaming your mind starts to dreaming of the moment that it's time to leave. And then you look at your plate and your chicken’s slowly rotting into something that looks like cheese. So you say that's it I got to leave this place I don’t care what these people think. I’m just sitting here making myself nauseous with this ugly food that stinks. So you bust out the door while its still closed still sick from the food you ate. And then you run to the store for quick relief from a bottle of Kaopectate. And then you call your friend two weeks later to see how he has been. And he says I understand about the food baby bubbah but we're still friends.”   Even with these childhood memories, this is one AWESOME SONG. In fact, now that I’m older, there’s another verse that I prefer over the “cheese” verse.     I think the best part about this verse is about not letting Sucka MCs stealing rhymes when that’s just what the verse-teller actually did.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

'08 Player Rankings: Center Fielders

Center Fielders   1. Carlos Beltran, Mets   32.6 Win Shares 57.6 VORP 10.4 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 31 NYM NL 161  606  116  172  40  5  27  112  25  3  92  96  .284  .376  .500  131  303   1   6  13   1  11     2. Grady Sizemore, Indians 3. Josh Hamilton, Rangers 4. Nate McLouth, Pirates 5. Curtis Granderson, Tigers 6. B.J. Upton, Rays 7. Torii Hunter, Angels 8. Shane Victorino, Phillies 9. Matt Kemp, Dodgers 10. Cody Ross, Marlins 11. Vernon Wells, Blue Jays 12. Mike Cameron, Brewers 13. Marlon Byrd, Rangers 14. Chris Young, Diamondbacks 15. Skip Schumaker, Cardinals 16. Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox 17. Rick Ankiel, Cardinals 18. Aaron Rowand, Giants 19. Jim Edmonds, Padres/Cubs 20. Scott Hairsotn, Padres 21. Carlos Gomez, Twins 22. Lastings Milledge, Nationals 23. Reed Johnson, Cubs 24. Coco Crisp, Red Sox 25. Adam Jones, Orioles 26. Mark Kotsay, Braves/Red Sox 27. Willy Taveras, Rockies   28. Michael Bourn, Astros   7.6 Win Shares -12.0 VORP 2.5 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 25 HOU NL 138  467   57  107  10  4   5   29  41 10  37 111  .229  .288  .300   56  140   7   1   0   2   3   29. Melky Cabrera, Yankees 30. Corey Patterson, Reds

Bored

Bored

 

Ah, vacation

The TSM Blogosphere has been busy lately with talk of vacations and all the "problems" that go along with them. This got me thinking about some of the trips we took as a family (myself, Mom, Dad, and little brother)...and some of the problems that came with them (though none of them involve my dad getting the cops called on him).   Mount Rushmore/South Dakota I think this was around 1990 or so. I remember this was the trip that my mother tried an experiment to get the two of us to behave in the car during the long ass drive: bribery. She got two rolls of quarters out of the bank and gave one to each of us. Each time we "acted up" or otherwise got into some trouble along the way, we had to pay her a quarter; any quarters left at the end of the trip could be used at the video arcade and if we made it through the whole trip without losing any quarters, we would get another roll each to use at the arcade upon getting home. This was a big incentive to us...until we were fined a quarter each for horsing around at the motel pool in Oklahoma City after the first day's drive. Then we suddenly didn't care much anymore.   The real disaster of this trip came out in the Badlands when the family car got a flat tire literally out in the middle of nowhere. The tire was so flat and our car so weighted down with luggage and whatnot that my dad couldn't even get the jack underneath it to change it out. Three hours of sitting in the hot sun, just waiting for some help. And me, being the little ultra-worrywart I was at the time FREAKED OUT at the prospect of dying out there. Eventually, a state po po came out and called a wrecker for us, but there were some tense moments as I was losing my mind and my dad was pissed off that he had a problem he couldn't solve alone. Then later, when my dad was forced to pay what he considered to be highway robbery for a new tire; well, that was good times at then end of that particular day.   Washington D.C. Thanksgiving 1986. My mom, brother, and I had flown to D.C. (my first flight ever, and the only time we EVER flew anywhere as a family) to visit my dad while he was at his FBI Academy training in Quantico, VA. This trip was fine...until the flight home. That's when I, having neglected to tell my mother about the stomach ache I'd had all day, couldn't take anymore and threw up all over the guy sitting in the seat in front of me.   My mother was mortified.   The comedy highlight of the trip came later when we were close to landing in Houston when I reached into the seat back pocket in front of me pulled out the airsick bag, turned to my mom and asked, "What's this lunch sack for?"   New Braunfels, TX I don't remember exactly when this was, but I was probably 8 or 9 or so. We went to stay at grandmother's house one weekend in New Branfels for a couple days of tubing down the river and playing at Schlitterbahn. Unfortunately, on Day Damn One we went tubing. My brother and I were sharing a tube and, when we went over one of the sets of rapids, the tube dumped over, spilling both of us. To make a long story shorter, I got caught in the current and couldn't make it to shore alone; this guy that was standing on the bank ran out into the water and pulled me out.   As a result, I had no desire to go anywhere near the water the whole rest of the weekend which kind of threw a wrench into the whole 'weekend water fun' plan. My dad was frustrated by this, even going so far as to say, "You didn't drown! What is there to be afraid of?"   Yeah, so anyway, there we were, heading back home less than 36 hours later, me terrified of the water, my dad pissed off at me because we had driven all the way out there for nothing.   San Antonio Summer 1995. The brakes on the family vehicle give out on the way back to our hotel from Fiesta Texas. By 'give out' I mean the brakes would stop the car...but only if you were going 15 mph or less and had extra room to stop. Instead of calling (and paying for) a tow truck, my dad decides to drive the 20 miles back into town at approximately 10 mph, earning us probably 100 dirty looks from all the angry motorists behind us as they passed us.   I'm still amazed to this day the we a) didn't rear-end somebody and b) get pulled over for going 10 f'n miles per hour.     Quick highlights from some other trips:   - My dad bought my brother and I new fishing rods before one of our many trips to the lake. One the first morning of this trip, we'd been out there for about an hour when I reached back to cast my line...and somehow let go of the rod as I flung it forward. SPLASH! My brand new fishing rod is damned forever to the depths of Lake Somerville. Dad is pissed when he realizes what happened.   - My brother leaves his winter coat at a Long John Silver's on our way back home from a family gathering in central Texas. He realizes this within five minutes of us leaving the restaurant, but fails to tell my mom out of fear of getting in trouble. Instead, he chooses to wait until we are over halfway home to say anything; that doesn't go over well with the parents.   - And I won't even mention the time we were in Arlington and decided to stay at Six Flags Over Texas an extra couple of hours instead of walking over to the Ballpark in Arlington and purchasing tickets to that night's Angels/Rangers game as we had talked about earlier in the day.  

sfaJack

sfaJack

 

10/15: Trapped Like A [s]R[/s]Cat

7:30 p.m.   • So just under two weeks ago Max bolted from our happy home into the wild. On Monday night we set out a cage trap that was loaned from one of Mrs. kkk’s friends. Basically, an animal walks into the cage and it shuts, trapping it. These devices are used at the friend’s workplace, so we began putting food in this contraption in hopes Max would not notice the chain links and hanging wall waiting to block any chance of escape one would have from entering this narrow corridor. Well Monday night came and went with NOBODY caught. Hell, I was expecting a stray to enter in the cage of no return. This of course had the better half convinced Max was dead. I, once again, was indifferent. If the little bastard wants his freedom then he’ll have to forgo his security -- four walls, a roof, three meals, water, etc.   We set the cage out again last night. When I awoke this morning I trudged on over to the front door to see if we had any takers. I noticed that the cage’s front door had shut, meaning we snagged something. I then turned on the porch light and what did I see?                                         I am Max and I wish to negotiate.   You little shit.     I woke up the better half and we took him down into the basement where he ate for 5-10 minutes and began rubbing up on both of us like he wanted to come home all along. Of course, he was covered in hair knots, jaggers and had a tick coming out of his left ear. Before taking him to the vet today we treated him just like the U.S. did the former dictator of Iraq.                                                     The prognosis is this: He has a slight fever and lost a pound. Otherwise he’s in good shape. The vet was amazed he was in as good shape as he was for being out almost a fortnight. Of course, we then came to the conclusion that he probably took up residence in the abandoned house or its backyard shed for most of his time away. Fitting, since this is without a doubt the laziest cat I have ever seen. Nonetheless he’s back home and when he comes out of "quarantine" in another 40 hours I’m sure Dessa and JJ will be TRHILLED once again. (Actually, Max has gotten out of the spare bedroom twice already and made a break for downstairs, much to the chagrin of his feline housemates. You see, cats recognize each other by scent, and since Max has been funked up JJ and Dessa are going to act like he’s a new resident, which will result in hissing, growling and screaming. For JJ it will take a week or two to get over this. Dessa just doesn’t like anyone, so in that regard nothing will have changed.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

'08 Player Rankings: Left Fielders

Tim McCarver's hatred for this man almost made me want to root for the Dodgers.   Left Fielder Rankings   1. Manny Ramirez, Red Sox/Dodgers   33.4 Win Shares 83.5 VORP 10.8 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 36 TOT    153  552  102  183  36  1  37  121   3  0  87 124  .332  .430  .601  164  332   0   4  24  11  17     2. Carlos Quentin, White Sox 3. Matt Holliday, Rockies 4. Jason Bay, Pirates/Red Sox 5. Ryan Braun, Brewers 6. Johnny Damon, Yankees 7. Raul Ibanez, Mariners 8. Carlos Lee, Astros 9. Adam Dunn, Reds/Diamondbacks 10. Dave DeJesus, Royals 11. Jack Cust, A's 12. Pat Burrell, Phillies 13. Alfonso Soriano, Cubs 14. Conor Jackson, Diamondbacks 15. Garret Anderson, Angels 16. Luke Scott, Orioles 17. Fred Lewis, Giants 18. Josh Willingham, Marlins 19. Delmon Young, Twins 20. Willie Harris, Nationals 21. Ben Francisco, Indians 22. Carl Crawford, Rays   23. Gregor Blanco, Braves   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 24 ATL NL 144  430   52  108  14  4   1   38  13  5  74  99  .251  .366  .309   83  133   6   3   2   6   3   24. Chase Headley, Padres 25. Luis Gonzalez, Marlins 26. Adam Lind, Blue Jays 27. Juan Pierre, Dodgers 28. Emil Brown, A's 29. David Dellucci, Indians 30. Jay Payton, Orioles

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10/14: Magic Kingdumb

7:30 p.m.   • So there is this poster WHOSE NAME WILL NEVER BE REVEALED UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH that is recapping his trip to some overpriced corporate theme park. Reading his entries of unforgettable family moments got me the thinking of the time I went to the Magic Kingdom.   I can’t remember how young I was, but my old man was in-between his second and third marriage. After he married my old lady, she divorced him (probably for good reason) and sold the house that he spent YEARS fixing up. Serves him right. Before marrying wife number three he spent some time with this other woman. He was with her for quite some time, actually. Enough time to completely renovate her basement into an apartment that she got to charge rent to tenants. Oddly enough, she dumped him afterward. If I were even somewhat observant, I’d be detecting a pattern here.   Well anyway, I was going to Disney World with him and Wife 2.5. I can’t remember if there were any other people with us. There might have been; I just can’t recall. Before going to Disney World we stopped at some diner for breakfast, which is surprising enough considering the old man HATES to eat out. Now I didn’t like eating eggs, especially ones that are sunny-side up. When that yolk breaks it just looks so … blech. I wanted to order this other breakfast deal that included a muffin and a few other not-so-messy items. This drove pops over the edge because I guess not eating eggs for breakfast is just one step away from turning queer. So he threw one of his usual fits of rage and REFUSED TO TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Now if this were to happen today, I would find it funny as hell. But when you’re a kid this stuff freaks you out. I also overheard him bitching to pseudo-wifey later that night when I was supposed to be asleep about me, which just did wonders for the rest of our time in Florida. The only thing I can remember from the actual trip was that Small World. And from the MYSTERY POSTER’s recap of this ride, it seems like not much have changed. But whatever, I’m on a roll talking about the old man.   For as crappy as every trip with the old man has been in my life, nothing could compare to the time he went to Florida with his soon-to-be-wife-number-three and her bratty grandsons. I think I was in 8th-9th grade when he asked if I wanted to go with him and company to Florida for another round of family fun. Vividly remember my previous experience many moons ago I respectfully declined. Can’t remember the reason: I think it was “this was my first summer not having to go to summer school in some time and I wanted to just stay at home.” Yeah, I was/am quite the scholar.   A few weeks later the old man called me and told me about his trip. Here’s what happened in a nutshell. They got a hotel some distance from Disney World. No surprise there. (What, you think I got my cheapness all by myself?) The grandkids got mad because they wouldn’t have breakfasts/dinners at the theme park due to the prices. Once again, no surprises. After a day or so the grandkids then called their mother (the daughter of my future mother-in-law) to complain. The next call was to a local Child Youth Service agency (or something similar). The AUTHORITIES paid dad a visit and said the kids in his care were citing abusive behavior and squalor living conditions.   Wow.   All I have to say is that after this experience, I think dad appreciated me just a smidgeon more than he used to. Sure I was/am a fuck-up, but damn… Damn.   Family – lol.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

'08 Player Rankings: Shortstops

Is Hanley Ramirez the most underrated player in baseball right now? Of course playing for the Marlins doesn't help him.   Shortstop Rankings   1. Hanley Ramirez, Marlins   32.5 Win Shares 80.7 VORP 10.9 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 24 FLA NL 153  589  125  177  34  4  33   67  35 12  92 122  .301  .400  .540  148  318   0   4   9   8   5     2. Jose Reyes, Mets 3. Jimmy Rollins, Phillies 4. Stephen Drew, Diamondbacks 5. Jhonny Peralta, Indians 6. J.J. Hardy, Brewers 7. Cristian Guzman, Nationals 8. Michael Young, Rangers 9. Derek Jeter, Yankees 10. Mike Aviles, Royals 11. Orlando Cabrera, White Sox 12. Ryan Theriot, Cubs 13. Yunel Escobar, Braves 14. Miguel Tejada, Astros 15. Marco Scutaro, Blue Jays 16. Jason Bartlett, Rays 17. Nick Punto, Twins 18. Brendan Harris, Twins 19. Erick Aybar, Angels 20. Edgar Renteria, Tigers 21. Yuniesky Betancourt, Mariners 22. Maicer Izturis, Angels 23. Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies 24. David Eckstein, Blue Jays/Diamondbacks 25. Bobby Crosby, A's 26. Cesar Izturis, Cardinals   27. Jeff Keppinger, Reds   5.7 Win Shares 0.6 VORP 1.5 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 28 CIN NL 121  459   45  122  24  2   3   43   3  1  30  24  .266  .310  .346   70  159   6   5   3   2  14   28. Jack Wilson, Pirates 29. Julio Lugo, Red Sox 30. Khalil Greene, Padres

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Bored

 

Another Pointless Top 25 Poll #2

So I waited two weeks before doing my 2nd Pointless Top 25 because I wanted to do some hard research on all 119 I-A teams...or I just didn't feel like it last week. You make the call!   Again I spend about ten minutes doing this so don't bother spending more than ten seconds reading it.   1. Texas 2. Alabama 3. Penn State 4. Oklahoma State 5. Oklahoma 6. Georgia 7. Missouri 8. Florida 9. Utah 10. BYU 11. USC 12. LSU 13. Texas Tech 14. Virginia Tech 15. Ohio State 16. North Carolina 17. California 18. Michigan State 19. Wake Forest 20. Boise State 21. Pittsburgh 22. South Florida 23. Kansas 24. Ball State 25. Tulsa

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Bored

 

Carnival Top 25 10-12

(#) = last week   1. Texas 6-0 (4) 2. Penn St 7-0 (11) 3. Alabama 6-0 (5) 4. Florida 5-1 (8) 5. Oklahoma 5-1 (2) 6. Georgia 5-1 (7) 7. USC 4-1 (9) 8. Texas Tech 6-0 (6) 9. LSU 4-1 (3) 10. Oklahoma State 6-0 (17) 11. Ohio State 6-1 (10) 12. Missouri 5-1 (1) 13. BYU 6-0 (15) 14. Utah 7-0 (16) 15. Boise State 5-0 (17) 16. Virginia Tech 5-1 (20) 17. South Florida 5-1 (9) 18. Kansas 5-1 (13) 19. North Carolina 5-1 (21) 20. Vanderbilt 5-1 (12) 21. South Carolina 5-2 (NR) 22. Wake Forest 5-1 (NR) 23. Florida State 4-1 (24) 24. Pittsburgh 4-1 (NR) 25. Ball State 6-0 (NR)   others - TCU 5-1 (NR), Minnesota 6-1 (NR), California 4-1 (NR), Michigan State 6-1 (NR), Oregon 5-2 (25)

Carnival

Carnival

 

10/10: Difficulty Getting The Artists Right

6:30 p.m.   • So I was never a huge AMG fan, although "P-Funk" has got to be one of my all-time favorite tracks because it used polka music used in this brief selection (still trying to find it on YouTube, but click here for an audio sample). However, what makes this great isn't the song, but rather the video and the comments that followed. Someone got served.     -- nice shit rip the great easy e   -- nice video   -- i luv this song   -- this is amg!!!   -- Good song, but not EAZY-E, check your facts. This is AMG, check wikipedia fool.   -- this aint eazy-e punk! its AMG   -- Dude this is eight ball and AMG who did this track, not eazy e   -- this is not easy e it is AMG you dumb fuck.   -- We al do know that's not Eazy E Rappin, right? RIGHT?!?!?! It's AMG From Quiks crew......Might want to change the title.   -- You stupid? It's not Eazy E, It's AMG, why do you think it's eazy e?   -- thats dj quik   -- You do realize this isn't an Easy-E song right? It's AMG, that's why he mentions DJ Quik. AMG is the artist. I love Easy-E tho, but you put up a song that aint even Easy-E's...uhh...ya. -w-   -- good ass song classic   -- AMG does this song.   -- Nice but its AMG   -- This song is by AMG, not Eazy-E.   -- Great song from AMG - not Eazy E.   -- was Eazy e really a part of AMG?   -- hi there love this song!   -- dude it's not eazy-e song...is by AMG..   -- its amg retard   -- man! only 3 comments that didn`t mensioned that it`s not eazy rappin   -- thats amg wit dj quick u fucken [email protected]#!#!#[email protected]#!# haha and u made all pictures of eazy e hahaha mental bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh   -- i love and my bitch ass mom better have my money   -- AMG   -- What the hell, This is AMG not Eazy-E! It's from the album "Bitch Betta Have My Money"   -- AMG not Eazy E

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

No pizza on Sweetest Day

So sfaJill and I were in Target last night walking up towards the registers when I noticed a display of 'funny' Halloween cards featuring our Presidential candidates. There was one with the Obamessiah on it that read something to the effect of "this man might be our next President--and you thought Halloween was scary" (cue laugh track).   I briefly thought about buying it and sending it to my dad, but decided against it because he'd probably 1) think I've turned gay because I sent him a card in the mail and/or 2) lecture me about "wasting 43 cents to tell me something I already know."   Then I noticed a display for greeting cards for "Happy Sweetest Day!" This conversation occurred. Guess who is who:   "What the fuck is 'Sweetest Day?'"   "I don't know. What are you talking about?"   *picks up a 'Sweetest Day' card* "This. What is this for?"   *looks at card and then display* "I guess it's kind of another Valentine's Day!"   "Great! Another day to waste $80 on flowers that will be dead in 72 hours!"     After some checking of the world's leading information source, it appears Sweetest Day is some midwest Yankee tradition that started innocently enough but has since evolved into another Hallmark holiday that's now starting to spread overpriced candy and unfunny cards to our neck of the woods down here. When will this crap ever stop?   Though I must admit I'm shocked that it took this long for it to reach Texas. I guess George W. must have spent some of his time laying off some people in the Hallmark marketing department and they're just now catching up on the workload.   I told sfaJill not to expect anything for Sweetest Day. She seemed fine with that.   ----------------------------------------------   The party's over for kids who pass Texas's high school standardized test.   I remember taking this test, then called 'TAAS', in 10th grade. I also remember all of us getting to go to Pizza Hut to celebrate passing this very basic test of academic skill (you know it's basic skill level when my dumb ass misses only 4 of the multiple choice answers ON THE ENTIRE TEST). I do not remember not seeing the kids who failed the test not being at this wonderful celebration but I didn't think anything of it. Of course, it was nearly 15 years ago now.   This is my favorite part of the article though:   Note to Robert Scott: it is also pretty easy to identify which students failed this test when, on state-mandated "Re-test Day", they are 'absent' from class because they are in the library retaking said test. No, that's not obvious at all. Nope. No way.   So if I decide to NOT meet the basic requirements of my job, my boss should not give raises to everyone else so that I don't feel too bad about myself?

sfaJack

sfaJack

 

'08 Player Rankings: Third Basemen

Hey look another position where the A's had the worst everyday player! How I got through this season without slitting my wrists, I'll never know.   Third Basemen Rankings   1. David Wright, Mets   29.1 Win Shares 66.2 VORP 10.6 WARP3   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 25 NYM NL 160  626  115  189  42  2  33  124  15  5  94 118  .302  .390  .534  143  334   0  11   5   4  15     2. Chipper Jones, Braves 3. Alex Rodriguez, Yankees 4. Aramis Ramirez, Cubs 5. Troy Glaus, Cardinals 6. Evan Longoria, Rays 7. Jorge Cantu, Marlins 8. Melvin Mora, Orioles 9. Casey Blake, Indians/Dodgers 10. Ty Wigginton, Astros 11. Adrian Beltre, Mariners 12. Carlos Guillen, Tigers 13. Alex Gordon, Royals 14. Kevin Kouzmanoff, Padres 15. Edwin Encarnacion, Reds 16. Mike Lowell, Red Sox 17. Mark Reynolds, Diamondbacks 18. Garrett Atkins, Rockies 19. Scott Rolen, Blue Jays 20. Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals 21. Blake DeWitt, Dodgers 22. Chone Figgins, Angels 23. Joe Crede, White Sox 24. Jose Bautista, Pirates/Blue Jays 25. Willy Aybar, Rays 26. Pedro Feliz, Phillies 27. Geoff Blum, Astros 28. Bill Hall, Brewers   29. Jack Hannahan, A's   5.4 Win Shares 3.8 WARP3 -9.5 VORP   Year Ag Tm  Lg  G   AB    R    H   2B 3B  HR  RBI  SB CS  BB  SO   BA   OBP   SLG *OPS+  TB   SH  SF IBB HBP GDP +--------------+---+----+----+----+---+--+---+----+---+--+---+---+-----+-----+-----+----+----+---+---+---+---+---+ 2008 28 OAK AL 143  436   48   95  27  0   9   47   2  0  55 131  .218  .305  .342   77  149   3   5   4   2   5   30. Jose Castillo, Giants/Astros  

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