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13 reasons why remaking "Friday the 13th" isn't the end of the world

If you're like me, you go to horror movie websites, and get the latest in news, reviews, interviews, etc. Even if you haven't, you've probably heard that Platinum Dunes is remaking it, and Michael Bay is producing it. Some, like luke-o and Jingus (known for being bitchy when it comes to movies) are opposed to it. Me? Well, it's not the best idea in the world, but it's not the worst either. Here are the 13 reasons why remaking Friday the 13th is not the worst idea in the history of mankind.   They've done all they can with the series-Come on, there's been a impostor Jason, Jason vs. a Psychic, Jason in Manhattan (for a short time), Jason in Space, Freddy vs. Jason-they've done everything but "Next Friday the 13th", in which Ice Cube must save the hood from Jason. Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Anyways, I think you see my point: they've done all they can do with the series. There is nowhere else to go with the series except a remake. New ways to kill people-Come on, you have to at least be curious to see what he has in store for campers this time. Many bad rip offs-Ok, there were a few good slashers to come out after Friday the 13th ("The Burning", "The Prowler", "Stage Fright", "Night Warning"), but there were also plenty of bad ones-in fact, there were more bad ones then good ones. Come on, you can't defend "Don't Go In the Woods...Alone", "Honeymoon Horror", "Silent Madness", "Final Exam", "The Prey", "The Final Terror", and several others, because they are horrible, and in some ways, have taken away some of what made the Friday the 13th series fun. Sometimes, nerds bitching on the Internet is funny-It's true ya know. It was going to happen anyway-They've already remade "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "The Haunting", "Halloween", and others, and more movies will be remade, so it was only matter of time really. The series needs a reboot-No, not the animated tv series. However, as I already said, the series has done all it can, and if a remake is the next step, then so be it. I need a new horror movie to see-Not the best reason but I have been watching a lot of older horror lately, and I need something different. The series was never really about originality-The series can be best described as "Horny teens get killed in gruesome but inventive ways." Hell, I already mentioned the various rip offs, so when you think about it, movies in general (particularly horror movies) aren't as original as we like to believe. Imagine the porno movie knock off-You just know they did a Friday the 13th porno knock off came out back in the day, so maybe we can get a remake of that knock off. The Asylum needs another "Mockbuster"-Ok, maybe not, but hey. Bitching on the Internet accomplishes nothing-It's true ya know. You can bitch and moan about this all you want, but it won't change things, so what's the point? Some are looking forward to it-Yes, some of us want to see what will happen. I wouldn't say that I'm looking forward to it, but I am curious. Who knows, maybe (I said maybe) it will be entertaining. Besides, it can't be worse than Parts 8 and 9. It's Friday the 13th-Nobody is expecting brilliant, Oscar Worthy filmmaking here. You are expecting Jason to kill people. Think about it.   There you go.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst SS Seasons since 1957

The worst offensive season by a shortstop of all-time was Jim Levey in 1933 with an OPS+ of 24 (.195/.237/.240). Jim was a teammate of Art Scharein on the St. Louis Browns that year who my three readers will remember that he had the worst offensive ever by a third baseman that year thus teaming up for the undisputed, worst hitting left side of an infield in MLB history. Congratulations guys.   Now on to more modern players and the player at the top of this list takes both #1 and #2 spots in back-to-back seasons which is quite the achievement. In case you were wondering, he was considered a great defensive shortstop but me thinks he probably still played more than he should have.   Top 25 (or so) Worst Offensive Shortstop Seasons since 1957 (per OPS+)   1. Hal Lanier, 1968 - San Francisco Giants 38 OPS+ (.206/.222/.239)   2. Hal Lanier, 1967 - San Francisco Giants 42 3. Alfredo Griffin, 1990 - Los Angeles Dodgers 43 4t. Neifi Perez, 2002 - Kansas City Royals 44 4t. Ivan DeJesus, 1981 - Chicago Cubs 44 4t. Tim Johnson, 1973 - Milwaukee Brewers 44 7. Hal Lanier, 1969 - San Francisco Giants 46 8t. Clint Barmes, 2006 - Colorado Rockies 47 8t. Mike Caruso, 1999 - Chicago White Sox 47 10. Ozzie Smith, 1979 - San Diego Padres 48 11t. Alfredo Griffin, 1981 - Toronto Blue Jays 49 11t. Marty Perez, 1972 - Atlanta Braves 49 13t. Craig Robinson, 1974 - Atlanta Braves 51 13t. Dick Schofield, 1965 - Pittsburgh Pirates/San Francisco Giants 51 15t. Angel Berroa, 2006 - Kansas City Royals 52 15t. Zoilo Versalles, 1967 - Minnesota Twins 52 17t. Rey Ordonez, 1998 - New York Mets 53 17t. Andres Thomas, 1989 - Atlanta Braves 53 17t. Glenn Hoffman, 1982 - Boston Red Sox 53 20t. Ronny Cedeno, 2006 - Chicago Cubs 54 20t. Gary DiSarcina, 1997 - Anaheim Angels 54 20t. Ozzie Guillen, 1986 - Chicago White Sox 54 20t. Alfredo Griffin, 1982 - Toronto Blue Jays 54 24t. Juan Uribe, 2002 - Colorado Rockies 55 24t. Kevin Stocker, 1995 - Philadelphia Phillies 55 24t. Curtis Wilkerson, 1984 - Texas Rangers 55 24t. Don Kessinger, 1967 - Chicago Cubs 55 24t. Ken Hamlin, 1960 - Kansas City A's 55

Bored

Bored

 

7/31: A-door-ing Job

8 p.m.   • Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.   • McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.     You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.   Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.   9 p.m.   • Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

White Zombie (Day 31) and thoughts on this experiment

You know, I've been wanting to do "31 Days of the Dead" for a long time. Since December in fact. I've gone over all kinds of zombie flicks. From flesh eaters from Italy ("Burial Ground", "Hell of the Living Dead"), shot on camcorder shitfests ("Zombie Bloodbath"), Spanish Zombies ("Night of the Sorcerers", "Horror Rises From the Tomb"), obscure low budget oddities ("The Child", "Sugar Hill"), lost gems ("Sole Survivor"), Japanese zombies ("Junk"), bad Direct to DVD movies ("Dead Hate The Living", "Dead Heist"), pornographic zombie movies ("Erotic Nights of the Living Dead"), undead towns people ("Dead & Buried", "Messiah of Evil"), Certified classics ("The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue" "Carnival of Souls"), Hollywood Blockbusters ("Resident Evil: Extinction"), camp classics ("Night of the Comet", "Night of the Creeps"), lost gems ("Let's Scare Jessica To Death") and even frozen, remote controlled zombies with bad mustaches ("Frozen Scream"). So, what's the perfect way to end this month of zombie movies? Well, let's look at the first zombie movie ever made. That's right, the month ends with:     31.) White Zombie (1932)   Plot: A young man turns to a witch doctor to get a woman away from her fiance. Instead, she becomes one of the living dead.   Review: There are many other zombie movies I could have gone with-"Fiend", "The Video Dead", "The Day it Came To Earth", and "Blood Diner" to name a few-but I think it's best to go with the first zombie movie ever made-and a nice little B & W horror flick to boot.   Apart from being the first zombie movie, the movie is also worth seeing for Bela Lugosi's great performance as "Murder Legendre", the witch doctor. Along with "The Black Cat" and "Dracula", this is one of Lugosi's best performances. The dead are also quite creepy-not shambling rotting corpses (this is the 30's for Christ Sake), but they are zombie none the less-though the hair on one of them is rather goofy, like something out of a 3 Stooges movie.   Granted, there are better Black and White Zombie movies ("Night of the Living Dead" and "I Walked With a Zombie"), but this is still a ice, atmospheric entry into the genre-and not hard to find, as it's in the public domain.   Raring: 8/10 Creepy Black and White horror with notable significance.   With that, "31 Days of the Dead" comes to a close. Will there be a part 2 next year? Maybe. Right now I'm not sure, as this has spent my energy and this has made the possibility of my other plan for August-"Month of the Maligned" null and void. Until then, I'm all zombied out. Still, I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it, and will give some of these a look.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Night of the Comet (Day 30)

30.) Night of the Comet (1984)

Plot: After a Comet destroys much of the population, two valley girls must fend for their lives against the living dead.

Review Remember when I said "One Dark Knight" was the most 80's movie to be reviewed here? I was wrong. That award goes to Thom ("Sole Survivor") Eberhardt's Sci-Fi Horror/Comedy cult classic "Night of the Comet", with its 80's soundtrack, dialogue, hair, clothes, etc.

The movie itself really isn't a horror movie. Sure, there's zombies, but at the end of the day, this is more of a comedy if anything. That out of the way, the dead aren't treated like a joke, and thankfully avoid being reduced to pratfalls and bad slapstick humor. The dead are pretty smart themselves, as they can fire guns, talk, and much more. Well, a few can, such as Willy and his gang. Willy by the way, gets away with great one liners ("I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck!" "Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.") Shame he kicks the bucket-again.

The movie is largely light hearted, and the cast have a ball with it, while fortunately not overselling or mugging for the camera. Also, there' a scene in a shopping mall, but unlike Romero, director Eberhardt is not interested in biting social commentary. He just wants to entertain you.

"Night of the Comet" may lack the eerie atmosphere of Eberhardt's previous entry in zombie movies "Sole Survivor", but it makes up for it with campy fun.

Rating: 8/10 "Daddy would have gotten us Uzis."

Tomorow, the final movie is: You'll see.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst 3B Seasons since 1957

Out of the way quickly, the worst offensive single season by a third baseman was Art Scharein in 1933 who nearly matched the year with an OPS+ of 34. But we're only concerned with the last 50 years and that mark was set just last season! Why didn't ESPN cover this?   Top 25 (or so) Worst Offensive Third Baseman Seasons since 1957 (per OPS+)   1. Nick Punto, 2007 - Minnesota Twins 52 OPS+ (.210/.291/.271)   2. Scott Brosius, 1997 - Oakland A's 53 3. Brooks Robinson, 1975 - Baltimore Orioles 58 4t. Damion Easley, 1994 - California Angels 59 4t. Clete Boyer, 1964 - New York Yankees 59 6t. Jose Hernandez, 2003 - Colorado Rockies/Chicago Cubs/Pittsburgh Pirates 60 6t. Vinny Castilla, 2002 - Atlanta Braves 60 6t. Aurelio Rodriguez, 1974 - Detroit Tigers 60 9t. Terry Pendleton, 1986 - St. Louis Cardinals 62 9t. Bubba Phillips, 1963 - Detroit Tigers 62 11. Aurelio Rodriguez, 1973 - Detroit Tigers 63 12. Terry Pendleton, 1985 - St. Louis Cardinals 66 13t. Tim Wallach, 1993 - Los Angeles Dodgers 67 13t. Aurelio Rodriguez, 1969 - California Angels 67 13t. Don Wert, 1968 - Detroit Tigers 67 16t. Terry Pendleton, 1996 - Florida Marlins/Atlanta Braves 68 16t. Hubie Brooks, 1983 - New York Mets 68 16t. John Kennedy, 1964 - Washington Senators 68 19t. Tim Hulett, 1986 - Chicago White Sox 69 19t. Manny Castillo, 1982 - Seattle Mariners 69 19t. Brooks Robinson, 1958 - Baltimore Orioles 69 22t. Jeff Cirillo, 2002 - Seattle Mariners 70 22t. Cal Ripken, 2001 - Baltimore Orioles 70 22t. Scott Brosius, 2000 - New York Yankees 70 25t. Geoff Blum, 2001 - Montreal Expos 71 25t. Ken Caminiti, 1990 - Houston Astros 71 25t. Aurelio Rodriguez, 1976 - Detroit Tigers 71

Bored

Bored

 

7/29: Chewing Fat In The Hood

9:30 p.m.   • Look, I could go on about the Health Nazis or about the Nanny State telling us what is good for us and bad. However, what makes me laugh about this story...     Is this:     Oh, yeah. I'm sure this will attract the upscale places to set up shop in the ghetto. And how about this?     Uhhh, how about NOT FEEDING YOUR KIDS FAST FOOD?!

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

Burial Ground (Day 29)

29.) Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)

Plot: A group of horny idiots (and a creepy manchild) have their plans for weekend nookie interrupted by Etruscan Zombies.

Review: Hardly the most obscure movie in the list, "Burial Ground" is considered a great example of Italian gore cinema done right: unbelievably sleazy, gory, and dumb fun with plenty of memorable moments.

The thing the movie is mostly known for is Peter Bark, a clearly 30 something midget who plays a mothers child (Casting director: "He's short, so nobody will know the difference!") who takes oedipal desires to really creepy new limits. He watches his mom get it on, feels her up, and in the moves conclusion, comes back from the dead and bites out a huge hunk of her tit. If this doesn't let you know what kind of movie this is, then wait, there's even more.

The thing that strikes me the most about the movie, is how unbelievably stupid the people are here. In the beginning, an old professor is approached by the dead, and exclaims "Please, I'm your friend!" Amazingly, this doesn't work. Later on, after several people who you don't give a shit about (really, these are unlikeable people) are killed and devoured by the dead, one character says "Let's let (the zombies) in the house! Maybe they don't want us, but something in here!"

So, how is the gore and make up FX. Well, they are great. Sure, it's obvious at times that they are masks, but the zombie make up and gore effects by legendary effects man Gino ("Zombi 2", "Cannibal Ferox", "Dune", "Living Dead at Manchester Morgue", "High Tension") De Rossi work. The dead are rotting, decrepit things, reminiscent almost of the zombies from the "Blind Dead" movies, only with maggots and worms infesting them. The gore is sloppy, messy, and nausea inducing. So yeah, it's great.

"Burial Ground" will hardly win any awards. It's unoriginal (lifting off of Fulci's "Zombi 2" several times) and poorly acted. However, it's still a lot of gory, sleazy fun, especially if you are in the right frame of mind.

Rating: 7.5/10 Pure unabashed, unashamed exploitation-like that's a bad thing.

Next Time: Night Of The Comet

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

7/28: Cracks In The Free Housing Market

7 p.m.   • Damn Bush economy. Now people that didn't pay for their houses are losing them. How bad can this get?     What's this?     You know, say what you want about Jimmy Carter (Lord knows I have), but at least Habitat for Humanity makes its housing recipients work on a few homes before getting one built for them.   8:30 p.m.   • Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday crack-in-Shittsburgh. Happy birthday to you.  

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

Dawn of the Mummy (Day 27)

27.) Dawn of the Mummy (1982)

Plot: A group of supermodels disturb the sleep of a mummy, incurring it's wrath-as well as the wrath of the undead.

Review: Filmed in Egypt, this Italian/American co-production is a lot of things, but good isn't one of them. If anything, it's proof that not every Italian Zombie movie is going to be good (see also: Zombi 4: After Death; Killing Birds.) Thing is, unlike say, Hell of the Living Dead, this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just mind numbingly boring bad.

The movie does offer some decent gore, but it's not until the last 15 minutes that the dead attack, and by then, it's too little, too late. You have to sit through atrocious acting and nothing notable happening. Also, the movie has characters who are supermodels, but none of them disrobe. Granted, it's hardly the first time an exploitation movie promised a lot but delivered little, but that's beyond the point. There's nothing interesting in the movie, and it feels too much like warmed over, reheated trash instead of entertaining trash. There's very little here that's interesting, while other Italian Zombie movies like Burial Ground and Zombi 2 remembered to bring the sleazy, gory goods.

"Dawn of the Mummy" is a waste of time for anyone and everyone involved, and isn't even worth watching drunk or stoned.

Rating:0.5/10 a very, very dull and painful viewing experience. Better than a shot on camcorder horror movie, but that's hardly a compliment.

On the table next: Hell of the Living Dead

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

7/27: Going Out In [email protected]#$% Style

12:30 p.m.   • So I finally got around to watching Aliens – the one with the extra 17 minutes of footage. After looking down the list of new stuff from IMDB, I’m happy to note I caught just about everything that was added. I’m not big on the whole Alien/Predator saga that has been dealt with in comics/etc., but I LOVE this movie. The first one didn’t do much for me, but I understand why it was big for its time. I guess what pisses me off most about that film is that my favorite character in Alien was the black guy who got killed while the chick he was with just stood there and screamed until it was her turn. Bitch.   Anyway, while watching this film I realized that Bill Paxton, who played the ill-fated Hudson, was the same guy who had a similar role in Predator 2 as detective (or was it just “officer) Jerry Lambert, also my favorite character of that sequel. Weird.   Hey, if I was surrounded by aliens (even those of the Mexican variety), and had to go out, I can only hope it would be something like this.     Although shouting out "Fuck you" to a bunch of things that can't understand English would be some nice last words, my favorite send-off line of this film is Vasquez's, "You always were an asshole Gorman."

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

Dead & Buried (Day 26)

26.) Dead & Buried (1981)

Plot: Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is investigating a series of murders in the town of Potter's Bluff. So, why are these dead bodies coming back? Does Mortician (Jack Albertson, in his last performance) have something to do with it?

Review: Released by a major studio, written by Dan ("Alien", "Return of the Living Dead", "Total Recall") O'Bannon, and directed by Gary ("Raw Meat", "Poltergeist III") Sherman, "Dead & Buried" tanked in the box office, but faired better on VHS. In the 80's era of Slasher movies and Splatter flicks, it's really a lost classic.

The plot could best be described as Stephen King meets E.C. Comics with a bit of H.P. Lovecraft. The dead in the movie aren't shambling, rotting corpses, and that's what makes them so eerie and unnerving-they just seem so much like normal people. You wouldn't know hey are zombies if you saw or talked to them, but you would know that something about them isn't right. While hardly a gorefest, it still has some memorable moments, including an infamous hypodermic needle to the eye sequence.

Acting wise, Jack Albertson steals the show as Dobbs the mortician, adding a nice undercurrent of black humor, as well as a sense of pride and respect for his work-you can tell the actor is having the time of his life playing the villain for a change. The rest of the cast is great, with faces such as Melody ("Flash Gordon") Anderson and Robert Englund popping up.

"Dead & Buried" is one of my favorite 80's horror movies, and should be seen by anyone who says they love horror. Believe me, you won't regret it.

Rating: Either 9/10 One of the best Zombie movies you don't hear much about, "Dead & Buried" is an underrated gem.

Next on the Plate: Dawn Of The Mummy

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst 2B Seasons since 1957

In case you were wondering, and you weren't, the worst hitting season by a second baseman since 1901 was by Del Young in 1923 with an OPS+ of 23 (.194/.235/.231 in 386 plate appearances). The top of this list once again shows that a shitty player may one day become a great manager. Also, anybody know who in the Mets' organization was Doug Flynn blowing in the late 70's and the early 80's to maintain an everyday job? (edit: It was Jesus!)   Top 25 (or so) Worst Offensive Second Baseman Seasons since 1957 (per OPS+)   1. Sparky Anderson, 1959 - Philadelphia Phillies 43 OPS+ (.218/.282/.249)   2. Tommy Helms, 1970 - Cincinnati Reds 44 3. Billy Ripken, 1988 - Baltimore Orioles 48 4. Hal Lanier, 1965 - San Francisco Giants 51 5t. Mike Lansing, 2000 - Colorado Rockies/Boston Red Sox 54 5t. Doug Flynn, 1981 - New York Mets 54 7. Jose Lind, 1992 - Pittsburgh Pirates 56 8t. Mike Chapman, 1977 - San Diego Padres 57 8t. Julian Javier, 1970 - St. Louis Cardinals 57 10. Horace Clarke, 1968 - New York Yankees 59 11t. Delino DeShields, 1996 - Los Angeles Dodgers 60 11t. Rodney Scott, 1981 - Montreal Expos 60 13t. Doug Flynn, 1979 - New York Mets 61 13t. Sandy Alomar, 1973 - California Angels 61 13t. Glenn Beckert, 1965 - Chicago Cubs 61 13t. Billy Gardner, 1958 - Baltimore Orioles 61 13t. Bobby Morgan, 1957 - Philadelphia Phillies/Chicago Cubs 61 18t. Brent Abernathy, 2002 - Tampa Bay Devil Rays 62 18t. Doug Flynn, 1978 - New York Mets 62 18t. Julian Javier, 1960 - St. Louis Cardinals 62 21. Len Randle, 1976 - Texas Rangers 63 22t. Bret Boone, 1996 - Cincinnati Reds 64 22t. Ted Sizemore, 1975 - St. Louis Cardinals 64 22t. Dave Campbell, 1970 - San Diego Padres 64 25t. Ray Durham, 2007 - San Francisco Giants 64 25t. Duane Kuiper, 1979 - Cleveland Indians 64 25t. Sandy Alomar, 1975 - New York Yankees 64 25t. Sandy Alomar, 1969 - Chicago White Sox/California Angels 64 25t. Tony Taylor, 1958 - Chicago Cubs 64

Bored

Bored

 

A Virgin Among The Living Dead (Day 25)

25.) A Virgin Among The Living Dead (1973)

Plot: While at her dead relatives castle, a woman finds herself in a world of satanic rituals and the undead.

Review: I've reviewed a Jess Rollin movie, now it's time to look at one from his doppleganger so to speak, in Jess Franco. Granted, Franco's movies range from entertaining trash to unwatchable crap, but "A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while not unwatchable, feels a bit undercooked.

Sure, the requisite female nudity and lesbian content is there, as are creepy undead reminiscent of Carnival of Souls, and some great atmosphere. However, there are also far too many dull patches in the movie, as it almost feels like Franco was half assing the whole ordeal at times, taking interesting moments and essentially making you wonder "well, why isn't he doing anything here?" That out of the way, the score by Bruno Niccolai is great, an quite catchy at times.

The other problem though, and possibly the biggest flaw, is the disheartening thing about the whole movie, is the jumbled nature of it all. Like several of Franco's movies, it goes from Gothic Horror to Erotic Nonsense too frequently. sure, Horror and eroticism can go hand in hand, but when the creepy or erotic moments do occur, they feel like they don't gel (save for some lesbian blood drinking.)

"A Virgin Among The Living Dead", while far from Franco's worst (That would be either Oasis of the Zombies or Devil Hunter), has too many problems to recommend it, except as a curiosity. It may not be good, but you won't see many movies quite like it.

Rating: 5.5/10 Coulda been a contender really. Great Poster art though.

Next Up: Dead & Buried

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

7/25: Taking Off With Asshole Airline Passengers

1 p.m.   • So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.   1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.   When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!   2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.   “I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”   “Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”   “…”   3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.     On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.

kkktookmybabyaway

kkktookmybabyaway

 

Horror Rises From The Tomb (Day 24)

24.) Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973)

Plot: A Medieval Warlock returns hundreds of years later to recieve the rest of his body (he was decapitated, you see) and kill anyone who get's in his way.

Review: The final Spanish Horror entry in this list, "Horror Rises From The Tomb" is also the second featuring the upiquitis Paul Naschy. Fortunately, this is a better movie than the jumbled mess Vengeance of the Zombies, and is a good, fitting end to the Spanish titles reviewed here, as it's a very entertaining entry in the world of weird but fun Euro-Trash flicks.

The plot is a bit confused, though fortunately, Naschy and co. manage to make the everything but the kitchen sink approach work this time, complete with gore (decapitations, hearts torn out in graphic detail, etc) nudity (this thing is a tit fest) and general weirdness (the site of a disembodied head giving orders is funny no matter how you try to spin it.)

The movie is also more interesting this time around, thanks to not overdoing it with exposition, and just letting things happen. It may be a bit confusing (a detailed plot synopsis of this is nearly impossible really), and the zombie aspect feels a little undercooked (really, do we need another movie with undead servents doing their master's bidding?), but it's still tons of fun, and a good introduction to those wanting to get into the movies of Paul Naschy.

"Horror Rises From The Tomb" and it's ilk are an acquired taste, but those wanting some nonsensical fun will be pleased.

Rating: 8/10 A fun slice of Trash Horror, though those hoping for a easy to follow plot will be dismayed. Otherwise, enjoy.

Tomorrow: A Virgin Among The Living Dead

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst 1B Seasons since 1957

Continuing with more of the worst. Now there are positions in baseball where clubs are very willing to sacrifice defense for offense, middle infielders being most common. If you have an excellent defensive shortstop or second baseman you can often overlook their offensive shortcomings. First base is not one of those positions. Sure a great defensive first baseman is nice to have but if they can't hit, it's not wise to keep them in the line up everyday if you have a better hitting alternative who isn't at least a complete butcher in the field.   The worst hitting season for a first baseman since 1901 was by Ivy Griffin in 1920 who posted a blistering hitting line of .238/.281/.274 for an OPS+ of 47 in 505 plate appearances, which means he'd qualify under the modern rules for the batting title. Now Griffin played on a horrific Philadelphia A's team that lost 106 games. On the other hand the man who posted the worst hitting season for a first baseman since 1957 played on a team who made it to the World Series and you might have heard of him too, no offense to Mr. Griffin. Actually there was a tie for first/worst so the tiebreak was who had more plate appearances.   Top 25 Worst Offensive First Baseman Seasons since 1957 (per OPS+)   1. Pete Rose, 1983 - Philadelphia Phillies 69 OPS+ (.245/.316/.286)   2. Pete Runnels, 1957 - Washington Senators 69 3. Enos Cabell, 1981 - San Francisco Giants 72 4t. Kevin Young, 1993 - Pittsburgh Pirates 73 4t. Whitey Lockman, 1957 - New York Giants 73 6. Darin Erstad, 1999 - Anaheim Angels 74 7. Dave Stapleton, 1983 - Boston Red Sox 76 8t. Mike Squires, 1981 - Chicago White Sox 78 8t. Tony Taylor, 1967 - Philadelphia Phillies 78 8t. Lee Thomas, 1963 - Los Angeles Angels 78 11t. Kevin Young, 2001 - Pittsburgh Pirates 80 11t. Dale Murphy, 1978 - Atlanta Braves 80 13t. Ron Coomer, 2000 - Minnesota Twins 81 13t. J.T. Snow, 1996 - California Angels 81 13t. David Segui, 1994 - New York Mets 81 16. Bill Buckner, 1973 - Los Angeles Dodgers 82 17t. Cecil Cooper, 1986 - Milwaukee Brewers 83 17t. Vic Power, 1957 - Kansas City A's 83 19t. Ken Harvey, 2003 - Kansas City Royals 84 19t. Keith Moreland, 1988 - San Diego Padres 84 19t. Willie Montanez, 1979 - New York Mets/Texas Rangers 84 19t. Rusty Staub, 1963 - Houston Colt .45's 84 19t. Vic Power, 1961 - Cleveland Indians 84 24t. Pete O'Brien, 1983 - Texas Rangers 85 24t. Frank Thomas, 1960 - Chicago Cubs 85

Bored

Bored

 

The Grapes of Death (Day 23)

23.) The Grapes of Death (1978)

Plot: A woman finds herself trying to survive a French Countryside swarmed with the living dead.

Review: Prolific Exploitation autuer Jean Rollin's 1978 gem is actually his first in a trilogy of zombie movies: the others include the atrocious Zombie Lake and the surreal but good Living Dead Girl. However, "Grapes" is the best of the three movies, as well as the most coherent and conventional.

Fans hoping for graphic violence and bloodshed will be pleased with this movie. The eerie "just rotting" look of the zombies is effective, and we get plenty of nice gore, including a great bit involving a Pitchfork. There's also plenty of fog drenched atmosphere, and the requisite Rollin movie nudity, to make fans of horror happy. Especially effective is the way Rollin uses the desolate French countryside, creating a sense of menace and dread, which is accompanied by an excellent electronic score.

That out of the way, some will probably be turned off by the episodic feel of the movie, as scenes occur that may leave viewers confused. To me though,that's not a problem, as it adds to the nightmarish quality of the proceedings.

"The Grapes of Death" is both a classic Gallic horror movie and a classic zombie movie. See it if you want to get a gander at what Rollin was capable of.

Rating: 9/10 One of Jean Rollin's best movies, and a great, original zombie movie to boot.

Next Time: Horror Rises From the Tomb

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Dead Heist (Day 22)

22.) Dead Heist (2007)

Plot: A bank heist goes horribly arry when (what else) the dead come in for food.

Review: As far as recent Urban Zombie movies go, "Dead Heist" is better than Zombiez, but worse than Hood of the Living Dead and Gangs of the Dead. That's not saying much, especially when you consider the fact that "Hood" and "Gangs" are bad movies too.

The dead here are cut from the same cloth as the speedy zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake and the infected from 28 Days Later and it's sequel, only generic instead of interesting or frightening. The gore is nothing new, though the fact that the dead can only be killed by being shot in the heart (and you're to blame...) is a poor attempt at trying something different.

As far as acting goes, Big Daddy Kane does the best job. He's not good, mind you, but he does the best job. Amusingly, while Bone Crusher and E-40 are advertised as staring in it, yet they aren't in the movie for very long-Bone Crusher appears in the beginning as a patron in a strip club so tame it could have passed for MTV's "The Grind", then disappears. Meanwhile, E-40 has less than 5 minutes of screen time as a porn director, and gives a "alright, where's my paycheck already" level performance. The rest of the cast ranges from a dead ringer for Vin Diesel to the white female cop, a white businessman thinking of joining the Nation of Islam (har har), and plenty of stereotypical gang banger characters.

While not the worst recent Urban horror movie, there's still nothing worth recommending here.

Rating: 2/10 I have no idea whether or not the fact that this reminded me of the "Attack of the Street Pimps" bit from Hollywood Shuffle is a good thing or a bad thing.

Next Up: The Grapes of Death

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Messiah of Evil (Day 21)

21.) Messiah of Evil (1973)

Plot: In the California town of Pointe Dune, Arletty Lang (Marianna Hill) is looking for her reclusive artist father (Royal Dano.) So, what's with the undead town's people? And who is the Messiah of Evil?

Review: Night of the Living Dead meets the works of H.P. Lovecraft in Will Hyuck's underrated cult classic. While you won't finds piles of gore here, you will find a creeping sense of dread and a nice little gothic horror tale made for about $80,000 or $100,000.

What works in the movie,as I mentioned already, is the sense of dread. You know there's something about the townspeople-they are flat, emotionless, pale, and bleeding from the eyes. When something does happen, it leaves an impression, especially in two setpieces: one in a supermarket, the other in a . The movie also gets away with some social commentary. The supermarket scene-the undead feasting upon uncooked meat-anticipates Romero's commentary on consumerism found in his masterpiece Dawn of the Dead. Also, like Let's Scare Jessica to Death, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, I Drink Your Blood, and Simon, King of the Witches, "Messiah of Evil" serves as a commentary of the hippie movement. Here, the dead seem to be not only a veiled commentary on consumerism gone mad, but also the fact that in the end, the hippie movement, no matter how it denied it, was a sense of conformity.

The movie does have it's flaws-poor acting, an annoying, warbly song-but the one flaw that hurts the movie some is the narration. We don't need a narrator to explain what's going on here people. Still, it's an underrated gem, and deserves a look.

Director Hyuck went on to write American Graffiti and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Then he did Howard the Duck, and his career never recovered.

Rating: 8.5/10 Yep, the Writer/Director of Howard the Duck did one of the most underrated zombie movies of the 70's. See it-it's not hard to find online, and it's public domain.

Next Time: Dead Heist

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst Catcher Seasons since 1957

Baseball-Reference.com Play Index is saving this blog with more useless lists1 Today I list the 25 worst individual offensive seasons according to OPS+ since 1957, who qualified for the batting title in their given year. Why 1957 instead of all the way back to the beginning modern era in 1901? Because I'm lazy and because the current guidelines for qualifying for the batting title were adopted in '57. The current rule is a player must average 3.1 plate appearances per total number of games played by their team which with the 162 game schedule works out to 502 plate appearances. Here's a copy and paste of the guidelines through out the years from Baseball-Reference.com:   If we took into account players prior to 1957 it would be littered with early 20th century players, who many of you including myself probably never heard of and wouldn't be able to add comments like "Hey I remember him, he sucked!" In case you were wondering, the worst offensive season ever by a catcher who qualified for the batting title was Bill Bergen in 1909 who had an OPS+ of 1 (.139/.163/.156 in 372 plate appearances). Again like with my last entry a lot these guys played a lot due to superior defense (Bob Boone is on it four times) but some probably shouldn't have been playing much at all.   Top 25 Worst Offensive Catcher Single Seasons (per OPS+)   1. Matt Walbeck, 1994 - Minnesota Twins 37 OPS+ (.204/.246/.284)   2. Brad Ausmus, 2006 - Houston Astros 54 3t. Brad Ausmus, 2003 - Houston Astros 55 3t. Jim Sundberg, 1975 - Texas Rangers 55 5. Joe Girardi, 1995 - Colorado Rockies 58 6t. Jason Kendall, 2007 - Oakland A's/Chicago Cubs 63 6t. Bob Boone, 1986 - California Angels 63 8. Tony Pena, 1991 - Boston Red Sox 66 9t. Michael Barrett, 2001 - Montreal Expos 68 9t. Joe Girardi, 1994 - Colorado Rockies 68 11t. Kirt Manwaring, 1994 - San Francisco Giants 69 11t. Johnny Edwards, 1970 - Houston Astros 69 13. Bob Boone, 1974 - Philadelphia Phillies 70 14. B.J. Surhoff, 1988 - Milwaukee Brewers 71 15. Bob Boone, 1985 - California Angels 72 16t. Butch Wynegar, 1978 - Minnesota Twins 73 16t. Randy Hundley, 1968 - Chicago Cubs 73 18. Joe Oliver, 1993 - Cincinnati Reds 74 19t. Pat Borders, 1993 - Toronto Blue Jays 75 19t. Bob Boone, 1980 - Philadelphia Phillies 75 21t. Benito Santiago, 2001 - San Francisco Giants 76 21t. Benito Santiago, 1993 - Florida Marlins 76 21t. Rick Cerone, 1979 - Toronto Blue Jays 76 21t. John Bateman, 1971 - Montreal Expos 76 21t. John Bateman, 1970 - Montreal Expos 76

Bored

Bored

 

Sugar Hill (Day 20)

20.) Sugar Hill (1974)

Plot: When the mob kills the boyfriend of Sugar Hll (Marki Bey), she turns to Mama Maitresse (Zara Cully) and Voodoo god Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley) for revenge.

Review: The only Blaxploitation movie to involve zombies other than Petey Wheatstraw, "Sugar Hill" and it's PG rating may mean that it isn't as graphic or fun as say, Petey, Dolemite, or Coffy, but it's still a lot of fun regardless.

For one thing, the movie, much like a Rudy Ray Moore movie, doesn't take itself too seriously, and has a lot of fun with genre conventions (the stereotypical white Southern villains for example), and also offers som fun one liners ("hope you like to eat white trash!") It also helps that the performances from Bey and Colley are a lot of fun-especially Colley, who hams it up with the best of them. The zombies themselves aren't flesh eaters, but instead gray, cobweb covered ex-slaves with machetes who do Sugar's bidding.

It might not be a classic, but "Sugar Hill" is a nice guilty pleasure that, while not standing up to the likes of Cotton Comes To Harlem, still offers some fun. Great theme song too. Shame it isn't on DVD yet.

Rating: 7.5/10 A fun cult nugget from the 70's that should please Blaxploitation fans.

Next Review: Messiah of Evil

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Worst Hitters since 1986

A few weeks back I finally decided to purchase a subscription to the Baseball-Reference.com Play Index since I figured it'd be helpful in putting together a few random lists to keep this blog afloat. Of course if I had known there would be a free preview over All-Star week (which ends today) I might I have waited a little longer but oh well. Now several times in the past I've mentioned that all my sports memories begin in 1986 so figured my first random list using Play Index I'd have it centered around that year.   So here are by position the worst hitters according to OPS+ who had at least 2500 plate appearances (about five full seasons) in the Majors since 1986. In fairness the majority of these players lasted as long as they did due to stellar defense. I left off DH because there's only 10 players that qualified with Dave Parker at the bottom with an OPS+ of 104.   Catcher .239/.293/.344, 4287 PA, 353 R, 925 H, 190 2B, 9 3B, 67 HR, 443 RBI, 266 BB, 795 SO, 64 OPS+   First Base .257/.301/.386, 3106 PA, 316 R, 733 H, 135 2B, 18 3B, 66 HR, 376 RBI, 181 BB, 552 SO, 88 OPS+   Second Base .248/.307/.352, 3138 PA, 366 R, 704 H, 128 2B, 17 3B, 44 HR, 271 RBI, 226 BB, 531 SO, 68 OPS+   Third Base .239/.274/.411, 2766 PA, 304 R, 620 H, 128 2B, 10 3B, 99 HR, 377 RBI, 120 BB, 20 SO, 77 OPS+   Shortstop .246/.289/.310, 3407 PA, 291 R, 767 H, 129 2B, 17 3B, 12 HR, 287 RBI, 191 BB, 339 SO, 59 OPS+   Leftfield (since 1986 only) .263/.324/.346, 5278 PA, 742 R, 1255 H, 156 2B, 79 3B, 27 HR, 306 RBI, 427 BB, 845 SO, 83 OPS+   Centerfield .250/.323/.322, 4652 PA, 607 R, 1021 H, 137 2B, 37 3B, 27 HR, 342 RBI, 403 BB, 514 SO, 72 OPS+   Rightfield .272/.315/.409, 2718 PA, 317 R, 685 H, 121 2B, 19 3B, 62 HR, 319 RBI, 149 BB, 409 SO, 83 OPS+

Bored

Bored

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