Here we go, the first King of the Ring on PPV!
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Ross, Savage, and Heenan on commentary. And we jump right to...Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- This is also a rematch from the Royal Rumble, in case you forgot. Both guys are O-V-E-R. There's a big 1-2-3 chant in reference to Razor's loss to the Kid a few weeks ago. I haven't seen that in a while.
- Razor clotheslines Bret, sets him up on top for a back suplex, but Bret lands on top, picking up the pinfall victory at 10:27. So, Bret advances to the semifinals, to face the winner of our next bout. Also, I must mention that Razor stomped on Bret's fingers at some point in the match.
-When Razor wants to work, he can. I thought that Bret's cradle after slipping out of the Edge would be the victory, but it wasn't. Always nice to be surprised. Anyhow, I've got no problem slapping a ***1/4 rating on this. Wrestling was good, crowd loved it, and I did too. All that needs to happen, did.
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We look to Superstars, when Giant Gonzalez and the Undertaker were fighting. Then Mr. Hughes came in, and hit the Undertaker with his own urn. Hughes stole it, too.
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Quite obviously, that means Mr. Hughes w/Harvey Wippleman is going to face Mr. Perfect in a King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- Anyone who wrestles while wearing sunglasses is fine by me. We go to a split-screen in which Bret Hart says that he'd rather face Mr. Perfect than Mr. Hughes. Ok. Hughes botches a Perfect crossbody attempt, so he and Perfect dosey-do down to the canvas. That was funny.
- Hughes grabs the stolen urn, and hits Perfect with it for the DQ loss at 6:01. Ugh. Dumb finish. Especially made dumb by Hughes not ever facing Taker in a big television or PPV match, but hey, what can you do? I also don't understand why Hughes didn't make the jump back to WCW when he left the WWF...Oh yeah, the rating. 3/4*. The botched crossbody was super funny.
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Mean Gene is with Mr. Fuji and Yokozuna...Fuji says that Hogan cheated to win the belt. I don't disagree. Then Yoko says some stuff about America, and we're done.
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Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is our next Quarterfinal Match...
- Hooooo!!! Lock-up, and Bigelow's shoulderblock does nothing.
- Duggan's three point stance shoulder-tackle misses, hitting the buckle, so Bigelow's up top, diving headbutt, pinfall win for the Beast from the East at 4:59. Average. Made better by Duggan losing cleanly...that's really all there is to say. *1/4.
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Lex Luger vs. Tatanka is our final King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match.
- That was a really fast transitition to this match. Had to have been edited. Anyhow, about Luger, I can't believe Vince couldn't make him a success. The referee makes Luger wear an elbowpad, so he can't use the LOADED FOREARM.
- Heenan begins to ramble about Tatanka..."Many moon come before I win match." I really laughed, just because. We cut to a split-screen with Bam Bam Bigelow. He wants to face the Indian.
-Tatanka misses a chop off the top, so Luger gives him a clothesline and powerslam for two. Luger follows with a suplex, that gets two. A backbreaker gets two, and we have a DRAW at 14:58. 15 minute time-limit, remember? After the match, Luger asks for five more minutes, to a big pop. Tatanka turns around to leave, and gets hit with the LOADED FOREARM. To another ovation. Well, no wonder he made the turn. Bam Bam gets a bye to the final.
- Pretty good show these two put on, IMO. Could've been worse, given what was in there, but I thought Luger did well. You could see the positives from having good matches with others. I'm going to call this **1/4. I might be all alone with that rating.
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Mean Gene stirs up shit with Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect, who are facing each other in the Semifinal Round of the King of the Ring. Gene asked whose dad was better and that sort of thing. Good stuff.
- Perfect acts like he'll let Bret back in, but he kicks him. Heh. Now, you know who's going to play heel. Perfect launches Bret from the apron into the steel guardrail, so now Bret's knee is hurt, in addition to a few fingers that were taped up at the beginning of the match.
- We go to the SHARPSHOOTER, but Perfect grabs Bret's injured fingers and stomps on them. Oh hell no, you monster. He tries a PERFECT-PLEX, but Bret suplexes him down ot the floor. Fantastic match. Perfect cradles Bret for two back on the inside, but Bret reverses for the pinfall, advancing to the King of the Ring Final and a match with Bam Bam Bigelow at 18:56.
- Much like Scott Keith, I think this was better than their meeting at SummerSlam 1991. Shocking! Particularly liked how the broken fingers came into play. That was choice. ****1/2.
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Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan, who is defending his WWF Championship against Yokozuna, right now!
- Who doesn't like Jimmy Hart, now, seriously? The placement of this match on the card definitely gives away the result. A Yoko belly-to-belly gets two, so we have a HULK-UP. Yawn. Hogan finally puts Yoko down after THREE big boots, but the LEGDROP only gets a two count. Now a photographer gets on the apron, shoots a fireball at Hogan, and Yoko drops a leg of his own for the victory at 13:11. BANZAI DROP afterward, and it's over for Hogan. ALL OVER.
- Uh, awfully boring. Historic, but really bad. If Yokozuna has to carry a match, well, it's going to be shit. I like him because he was on the first PPV I ever watched, but seriously now. 1/2*. I did like Yoko's title reign, though. It was good stuff (for a fat lug), especially the shit with Crush.
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Shawn and Diesel are in the back, and Shawn is just TEARING INTO Hulk Hogan. I'm going to guess this was a contingency plan in case Hulk stayed. Hulk feuds with Diesel to get to Shawn. LOL. Like I said, a guess. Shawn called Hogan a dinosaur, which was good for a laugh.
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Next up, an eight-man tag. We've got the Steiner Brothers and The Smokin' Gunns vs. Money Inc. and the Headshrinkers w/Afa.
- Non-elimination, btw. DiBiase's looking a little pudgy.
- MILLION DOLLAR DREAM...but Billy puts DiBiase in a small package for the victory at 7:03. After the match, they brawl, and the faces get the best.
- Rick Steiner didn't even enter. That was weird. Anyway, just a simple, throwaway match to try and bring the fans back. We'll see how that last part worked out later on. **.
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Crush is facing Shawn Michaels w/Diesel for the Intercontinental Title, after Yokozuna had an interview in the back.
- This is a strange match. IMO, Crush came around about three years later than he should have. Perfect gimmick for the 80's. Savage talks about potential for Crush/Yoko...
- Crush dominates the match, until he clotheslines Shawn over the top. Doink is at the ramp...I SEE THREE OF THEM. WHAT THE FUCK. Actually, it's two. They distracted Crush somethin' good, so Shawn superkicked the big Hawaiian in the back of the head for the victory at 11:14. Crush chases the Doink's to the back, of course. **1/4 is my rating. Shawn did all the work, but Crush held up his end of the bargain. This could've been brutal.
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Mean Gene talks to Bam Bam Bigelow before he faces Bret Hart in the King of the Ring Final...
- Bret favors the leg on the way down. And gets dominated throughout. Luna Vachon came down and hit Bret with a chair, stacking the odds further. Bret comes in afterward, gets slammed and given the flying headbutt off the top for three at 9:23. NO, WAIT A SECOND. Another referee comes out, and says no. No, because of Luna. Some people are leaving, but the match will restart. And everyone runs back to their seats.
- Bret and Bam Bam proceed to tear the house down, ya heard. Bam Bam misses a charge to the corner, and Bret gives him a victory roll for a three count and huge pop at 18:17. Great match, highly underrated. ****. Savage congratulates, as...
Bret moves to the stage, to be crowned king! Jerry Lawler comes to the stage, and says that he's the only king in the World Wrestling Federation. Bret needs to bow and kiss Lawler's feet, he says. Bret calls him the Burger King, which births a chant that I abhor to this day. As thanks for said chant, Lawler takes Bret out with a scepter. Then Lawler tosses the throne onto Bret, and beats the shit out of him. He kicks Bret off the platform, and we're out of time. That was an intense angle. I loved it, as is the case with many end of show PPV angles.
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Rating: Great. Bret's one man show. Must see. All that stuff.
Best Segment: I've gotta give the angle with Lawler and Bret its due. The crowd was really, really hating Lawler. On one hand, the show was almost all in favor of heels. That's something for the live fans to not like.
Worst Segment: Hughes vs. Perfect. For meaninglessness.
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I'll review King of the Ring 1994, just like I did this one. My brother graduates tomorrow, so I won't watch it until later in the week.
I'm done with them. My attention span is shot, I don't have the time, and, well, yeah. All reviews from now on will be like the RAW and Nitro ones. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
6:30 p.m.
• Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?
So the better half had a job interview today. I don’t know what it was about – something about a research study about old people killing themselves. Or was it about old people peeing themselves? It doesn’t matter. In the end it’s a bunch of wasted money. Anyway, she spoke with this one guy who runs the study. So far so good. Mrs. kkk like him. He gave her wrong directions to the interview location and admitted his mistake. Hey, that’s a good sign. He’s normal. In academia. Then we got to the woman who’s some big shit with the study.
Oh man.
Here was one her questions to the better half: “You plan on having kids?” When Mrs. kkk revealed to her that she miscarried earlier this year, the interviewer paused and then made some remark about if she’s going to try again. She also asked some other questions like, “So do you have a boyfriend?” Good God. And of course I get a phone call from the better half after this was all over bitching about the interview. Then me, playing the GODDMAN OPTIMIST, says, “would you rather know this bitch is a cunt once you were working there?” I still don’t know how I got to be the positive thinker in all this – she’s got three more interviews in the next two weeks. When you have an employable skill in demand YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST JOB OFFERED TO YOU. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to convince Mrs. kkk to file a complaint regarding this illegal line of questioning (I’m tired of working; I want a seven-figure settlement), but she has already informed the person who runs the study that she is withdrawing her name from consideration due to the treatment she received at the interview and gone into detail about the cross-examining. That’s my girl.
I almost forgot. Mrs. kkk's soon-to-be ex-boss has also made the "You're just going to get pregnant again" comments over the last few months when commenting on whether or not she's going to be around. This was of course before she got laid off.
• Speaking of the better half -- she was on a Thursday news broadcast on one of our local television stations. No, she wasn't interviewed. She was in the background for about half-a-second. And naturally her story didn't come on until 50 or so minutes into the program.
• I don't care what anybody says, I like these ads.
Soaring gas prices, rising grocery bills, and the mortgage crisis (equally fueled by shady lenders and stupid borrowers). These are things that people often cite when bitching about the DAMN BUSH ECONOMY.
But at least it's comforting to know that the murder-for-hire market hasn't been hit with soaring prices yet...
You know, there's probably someone out there that wouldn't mind if I got bumped off. God knows there are some days when sfaJill's bitching makes me think it wouldn't be so bad. But I think I'd be insulted if someone thought it was only worth $150 to have me killed.
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So while wasting some time browsing TSM yesterday, I clicked on mole's not-very-successful summer box office prediction thread. Being a semi-frequent movie-goer (though 75% of the movies we go to are not my choice), I thought I'd go down the list and see if there are any that I'm likely to see.
MAY
IronMan - Haven't seen it, but will probably Netflix it at some point. I'm not now and have never been a comic book guy so I rarely have much interest in these movies. It's supposed to be good though.
Speed Racer - Haven't seen it, probably won't. I couldn't stand the cartoon when I was young; why would I watch the movie, especially when it sucks like this one apparently does.
What Happens in Vegas - It's got Kyle Korver and Cameron Diaz in it and a stupid premise. No thank you.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - This one might be a Netflix rental one day, but I never read the book and, while I liked TLW&W ok, Narnia stuff isn't exactly on my list of "must see."
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Saw it (90% because sfaJill begged me whined until I agreed to go, 10% morbid curiosity). While the original movies are some of my favorites from my childhood, I'm not an Indy geek or anything. They're just good, fun movies that I've watched probably 25 times in the years since.
That said, this is easily the worst Indy movie and I really wish I hadn't spent $9.25 on it.
Sex and the City - I'll never see this one. And sfaJill isn't the slightest bit interested in it so I'm in the clear there.
JUNE
Kung Fu Panda - I'm never interested in stupid crap like this, but there are rumors that my in-laws want to take the 4-year-old nephew to see this. I'm already rifling through my rolodex of excuses to get out of that one because I know that sfaJill will want to latch onto that little family outing.
You Don't Mess With The Zohan - You know what's funny? We saw a trailer for this months ago in the theater and sfaJill said it looked "funny" and stated she wanted to see it when it comes out. A couple of weeks ago, a trailer ran on TV and, after it was over, sfaJill asked "Who would go see that piece of shit?"
I laughed. "You said you wanted to see it!"
"When?"
"We saw a preview at the movies a while back and you said it looked funny."
"I did?!"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Wow. I can't imagine what I was thinking."
The Incredible Hulk - Didn't they just do a Hulk movie last year or something? Either way, I don't care much (that whole "not a comic guy" thing again) and probably won't watch it.
The Happening - Pass. It's M. Night Shyamalan. I thought Sixth Sense was good and Unbreakable was pretty good. After that...not so much.
Get Smart - I'm really, really looking forward to this one. I loved Get Smart as a kid, Steve Carell makes me laugh, and Anne Hathaway is one fine piece of ass. Plus, I've seen the trailer(s) several times and laugh each time. Can't wait.
The Love Guru - WTF is this, an Indian version of Austin Powers? This is not gonna end well...
Wanted - I haven't even heard of this one and know nothing about it. Thus, I am unlikely to see it.
Wall-E - I'm sure I'll be watching this one at some point because sfaJill is VERY excited about it. I'm not so much but if it's half as much of an animated Short Circuit as it appears to be, it might be tolerable.
JULY
Hancock - Yeah, I'll see it. sfaJill loves Will Smith and keeps asking me when this is coming out, so...yeah.
Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - Saw a trailer for this one before Indy 4 and my only thought was "This is stupid." So, no, I won't be watching. And didn't the whole concept of "3D" movies die back in the 1950's or so?
Hell Boy II: The Golden Army - Nah. Didn't watch the first Hellboy and probably won't see this one either. A trailer for this one ran before Indy 4 as well and I wasn't impressed.
The Dark Knight - Yeah, I'll see this one. Batman is the one "comic" that I'll watch any movie of. If nothing else, my one friend (who is a HUGE Batman freak) will drag me to it at least once.
Mamma Mia! - Had to look on IMDB for this one. Does it really use ABBA songs to tell the story? Dear God help us all...
X-Files: I Want to Believe - Nope. I never watched X-Files. Besides, hasn't it been like 10 years since it was on? Why make a movie about it now?
Step Brothers - I'll see this one. I think Will Ferrell is hilarious, though I'm a little apprehensive becasue Blades of Glory and Semi-Pro sucked real bad. John C. Reilly and Ferrell were great in that Nascar movie though; hopefully, that will carry over to this one.
AUGUST
The Rocker - Dwight Shrute gets a leading role in a film? I'll watch, but it'll probably be via Netflix.
The Mummy: The Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - A Netflix rental all the way. The first couple of Mummy films were ok enough so I'll watch, but I'm not paying for it.
Pineapple Express - I've seen three of the "Apatow" movies? Knocked Up (average), Superbad (funny, but overrated), and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (best of the three). This one looks like it could be good, but I think I'll wait for the DVD.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - Why the fuck did this one need a sequel? No thanks.
Tropic Thunder - I'll probably see this one eventually. The team of Stiller, Black, and Downey Jr. should make for at least a semi-enjoyable movie.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Eh. I'm kind of sick of the whole Star Wars thing, personally.
House Bunny - After looking this one up on IMDB, I've determined that, while it sounds stupid as hell, I might see it on cable or something one day simply because Anna Faris and Katharine McPhee are in it.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona - Never heard of it. A check of IMDB shows that it is something I will probably never see unless Scarlett Johansson gets nekkid or something.
7 p.m.
• So I was at work Tuesday when I heard a rustle up against a tree near my office. I had the window open, so the noise was loud enough force a turnaround and looksee. Turns out it was a groundhog. In the tree. As I watched him trying to stay on the branches, he got freaked out by my observing and ran back down to the ground. What was the reason? There was a cat eyeing him up. The groundhog then bolted across the street with the cat in pursuit. The funniest thing about all this? The groundhog was at least TWICE the size of the cat and could probably crush the kitty without a second thought. Oh well. Attitude plays more of a factor in intimidation than one would think.
• While unloading groceries yesterday I had ESPN on as background noise. And what did they have on? A THREE-HOUR special about the Lakers v Celtics. Good God. The games don't even last that long. Is this the basketball version of Yankees/Red Sox?
Quick results from Friday night's OVW Six Flags Summer Sizzler Series Show, followed by some thoughts about the promotion:
Tank Toland defeated JD Michaels
Anthony Bravado won the battle royal; he gets the match of his choosing at next week's Six Flags show
Serena defeated Josie to retain the OVW Women's Title
Rudy Switchblade defeated Joey Matthews
Rob Conway and Pat Buck defeated The Insurgency to retain the tag titles
Elijah Burke defeated Chris Cage
Pretty lackluster card this week. I understand putting the WWE Superstar on last, as he is suppose to be what draws in a lot of fans, but the Tag Title match probably should have been the main event. Really the tag team scene in OVW is the only division worth a shit. Until last week when Serena returned, the women's division was just Josie and Melody. The TV Title division just seems like an excuse to get the inexplicably over Mobilehomers on TV each week. Nobody seems to be chasing Nick Dinsmore's OVW Heavyweight title and as I said in last week's TV report, the only credible threat at the moment is Joey Matthews, and he just jobbed to Rudy Switchblade and Jamin Olivencia at the past 2 Six Flags shows.
I just started watching OVW again recently and it seems the WWE's departure has left the promotion wandering aimlessly. With nobody to get over in order to prepare them for their call up, OVW has no direction in terms of who they need to put over. Chris Cage vs. Nick Dinsmore should be a no-brainer feud. Mr. I'm Too Good For OVW vs. Mr. OVW, who just happens to be the champion. Why they shot their load with that match on the first Six Flags show of the year with next to no build up is beyond me. This should have been the feud that could have built up all summer and had the blow-off at the Six Flags finale.
One report on Gerweck.net says only 75 people showed up at the show. A second report states between 200-250 were there. Either way, that is significantly down from the 400 or so that was at the first show. With the WWE connection gone, I wonder how long OVW can continue to work under current operations. The lease for Davis Arena is probably pretty expensive, as is production for 2 TV shows (they also do Derby City Wrestling, which is a TV show for their wrestling school). Maybe the Six Flags houses will improve with Jerry Lawler, CM Punk, John Cena and Mick Foley coming in, but honestly (and I don't mean this in a slight in any way), how many fans will Jimmy Yang, Kenny Dykstra and Cryme Tyme draw? And will WWE continue to let their talent be booked for the Six Flags shows next year? The next year could bring big changes to the way OVW does business.
A problem I see with the summer shows is that the show is live on Fridays and the TV show is taped on Wednesday. Tapings would give away the results and title switches result in the new champions defending them before they win them on TV. If I would have gone to the Six Flags show, I would have been confused as to why Conway & Buck were the champions since their Six Flags match was to have been for the titles. Their title victory didn't air until the day after the Six Flags show. Airing the TV show live probably isn't an option, both on the economical and logistical front. They have a dilemma here and I'm not real sure how they could resolve it.
OVW TV Report should be coming on Thursday, for those interested.
Nearly three years ago, I created this thread. It wasn't supposed to become as big as it currently is. I thought "Hey, this will end in a few weeks. Everyone will forget it exists, like all my other threads." Instead, it may be the biggest thread in the CE folder. You'd think I'd be happy to be the creator of such a popular thread. Well, I'm not.
Why? Because to be honest, I think it's a horrible thread. I know, I know, I'm just bitching. Looking back, I probably should have seen this coming. That still doesn't excuse me or the thread though, and when this election and campaign and whatnot is finally over, the thread needs to be moved into classics. Why? Because of these reasons:
Marvin-God, I know he's annoying, but he may have brought it to new levels here, derailing the thread and trolling by constantly kissing the already crusty ass of Glenn Beck, and being horrible. Everyone hates him, and his antics in this thread may already be the stuff of TSM legend. It's practically made for TSM classics.
Marney-Lady, I doubt you are reading this. That out of the way, the reason I can't stand you has nothing to do with your political views, and has everything to do with: blatant troll like responses such as "Watch me care" which read like they could have come from an 14 year old, "B.O. Hussein" and calling him "Your Mullatto saviour", among other racist responses-it all has to do with you and your attitude, which consists of acting like an internet tough guy, then getting upset when people call you out on that.
Superjerk, NoCalMike, etc-Not suprising, they are pretty much just repeating the same talking points over and over again. Nothing new, but it's annoying.
Czech: Hillary fan boy-I like ya Czech, I really do. That out of the way, voting for Hillary just to spite Obama is really immature.
Cheesalaisgood: Ron Paul Cheerleader-Like you are suprised. He also bought into some conspiracy loving documentary. I am fully convinced he's a truther.
Narcoleptic Jumper: Ron Paul Cheerleader and Truther-I need not say more.
I rest my case.
Kotz came back briefly today, and he's right: The Campaign '08 thread is terrible, and needs to be put to an end. Just do it when it's all over, and put it in the classics folder where it belongs
9 p.m.
• So I found out today that my former place of employment is now making its employees pay for part of their health insurance. But kkk, you might ask, don’t many employers do this to help curb the cost of premiums? Sure they do. However, this place doesn’t pay its workers jack shit to begin with. In fact, I remember when the job offer was made to me I was told REPEATED times that the big benefit to working here is that the health insurance was paid for. Guess that’s not the case anymore. So now do my former co-workers have the lowest wages in the industry (this is a fact – our actuary did a report on this a few years ago) but now they have to pay for the one reason many of them stay there. Well they stay for that and their inability to actually go out and get a different job. While I’m on this subject, my ex-coworker got all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed and will be starting his new job shortly. Well after he gets his June commission check because he wrote several hundred thousand dollars worth of business and doesn’t want to get cheated out of his money.
Oh, and while everyone at the office has to pay for part of their health insurance, the person who replaced me at my job is starting out at a much higher wage than my starting figure (once again, more power to her) and getting thousands of dollars of new equipment that isn’t necessary because the current office equipment is more than satisfactory (it’s only three years old; I had to go through hoops in late 2004 to get a new computer to replace the 1998 model I was working on at the time). Oh, and the idiot boss has also hired a third-party contractor to work on the web site, which is what I used to do. Of course, the web site hasn’t been updated in almost FIVE MONTHS and this person has been on the job for almost two months. Then there’s going to be the full-time assistant my successor is supposed to get as well. And my ex-coworkers, the same ex-coworkers who have been picking up additional responsibilities since my resignation, now have to chip to control workplace expenses. I swear to Christ this is soooooo entertaining to observe when you aren’t directly affected by this stupidity. Then again, there comes a time when you have to realize the shithole you are spending one-third of your day isn’t worth it anymore and that the time to look for another way to pay the mortgage is now. Sadly, there are some people I used to work with that will never get this. Fortunately, my one co-worker who worked next to me isn’t one of those sad sacks.
• You know, I actually wouldn’t mind this idea – if you got a discount/banked space for not going over your allotment. Then again, what’s the point of offering incentives? Then again … again … I know I don’t download that much porn so I don’t have to worry about this extra billing. I hope.
9:30 p.m.
• Reason #5479834 why karma is going to kick me. Hard.
Last night the better half got a call from her co-worker. Turns out her boyfriend (who was married but on the outs with his wife -- whatever) killed himself and she was the first to find the body. My first response? “Does this mean we’re not going out with them to Kennywood later this month?” Sue me for trying to incorporate some much-needed humor into this otherwise gloomy situation.
However, in some good news, several years ago I talked about the happy times the kkk household had when I found out just how much credit card debt Mrs. kkk accumulated over the years. Well, a while back this debt was vanquished and Phase II of this master plan went into effect. After the credit cards were paid off I wanted to put a sizable amount of money in the checking and savings accounts. I go over the finances at the end of each month, and I was waiting for the day when, after all the bills were paid for the month, we got to a certain balance in both accounts. June 1 had us at $68 above this targeted minimum. What did Mrs. kkk do to celebrate? Go out and buy two shirts at Kohl’s (at least it was a BOGO) along with buying a hose container for the newly purchased “kink-less” hose she purchased a week or so ago. Sigh.
Now it's onto Phase III -- pay off the car (only 5 more installments until it breaks down) and my school loan. This should be completed by October/November -- just in time for Black Friday.
I've been wanting to watch this...all those darn tag teams.
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Tony Schiavone and Magnum TA are the hosts...but Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura are the commentators.
Eric Bischoff is now with Bill Watts, who explains some differences in the rules of the matchups tonight. In the NWA Tag Team Tournament matches, you can come off the top rope and that sort of thing. But in the WCW Championship match, you can't. That makes no fucking sense at all. Typical WCW.
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The Miracle Violence Connection are already in the semifinals after beating the Steiners at Clash 19. So, now, we've got the second match of the quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Titles, which is Jushin Liger and Brian Pillman vs. Nikita Koloff and Ricky Steamboat.
Blow-by-Blow: Quite the interesting match here, and a relative dream match to boot. I always wanted to see Liger face Steamboat one on one. Obviously this isn't, but still. Nikita is also a bit out of shape, for Nikita, anyway. Koloff tosses Pillman into Liger, before giving Pillman a shoulderblock, as we begin. Pillman gives Nikita a drop-toe hold, but Nikita places him on top. Now Pillman dropkicks Nikita, but Nikita responds with an inverted atomic drop. Pillman rolls up Nikita for two, then tags in Liger, who works on the arm. They switch out a few times, before Liger gives Nikita a dropkick and shoulderblock. Pillman tags in, but Koloff gives him a back elbow before bringing in Steamboat. Steamboat gives Pillman a dropkick, and Liger comes in to get rammed into his partner. Steamboat tosses Liger out, so we've got Pillman and Steamboat. The latter applies an armbar on the former, but shoots Pillman into the ropes and gives him an inverted atomic drop. After a clothesline and armdrag, Liger tags in, and they give Steamboat a double dropkick. Nikita comes in after a Steamboat shoulderblock, and slams Liger to the canvas. Nikita shoulderblocks Liger, then both switch out, for a Pillman backdrop to Steamboat. Pillman elbowdrops Steamboat for two, and gives him a dropkick for two. Liger comes in with a backbreaker and a MOONSAULT, getting a two count, as the crowd went nuts. A Liger TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER gets two, and a running senton also gets two. Steamboat gives him a back suplex, before tagging in Nikita, who elbowdrops away for a two count. Nikita knees Liger in the gut after going to the chinlock, then brings in Steamboat, who gives Liger three consecutive backbreakers. A powerslam gets a two count, causing Nikita to come in to try something else. A double back elbow gets one, and to the chinlock we go. Steamboat in, with a flying fist off the top for two, but Liger kicks him and makes the tag to Pillman. Backdrops, chops ahoy, and a scoop slam for two. Liger flies back in with a missile dropkick, and a clothesline for a two count. With Nikita in, he shoulderblocks Liger, before a flying shoulderblock and a slam. Pillman dropkicks Nikita twice, but can't slam Pillman. Instead, he tosses Pillman over the top, only for Pillman to sneak in and deliver his slingshot clothesline. After a missile dropkick, the cover gets a super close two count. Nikita misses two charges, allowing Pillman to apply the sleeper. Sloppy. Nikita gives him a jawbreaker, but Liger comes in and gives Nikita an enziguri for a two count. Liger backslides Nikita for two, before Pillman makes the tag and gives Nikita a crossbody, for a two count. Steamboat tags in, and tries to bridge to a backslide...but he can't do the bridge out part. The backslide gets two, and Pillman gives Steamboat a back suplex in response. Up top Pillman goes, but Steamboat crotches him. Even still, Pillman flies off the top, only to see Steamboat reverse the crossbody and get the cover at 19:27.
Match Analysis: Very nice match, but some stuff was either sloppy or botched. Still, the crowd enjoyed it. As I've said like, forever, I love WCW at this point in time. I'd still love to see Liger face Steamboat. Oh yeah, ***.
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Bischoff is with the Steiners...still don't understand why they aren't wrestling here. Their promos suck, as you know. No wonder they left this shithole of a company.
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Now, in our second quarterfinal match on the show (third overall), we've got Hiroshi Hase and Shinya Hashimoto vs. The Freebirds.
Blow-by-Blow: Of course, these Freebirds are Garvin and Hayes. When I got on a puro kick a while back, I watched a lot of Shinya matches. He's nice. This is a real styles clash, moreso than anything I've seen on this channel yet. Hayes' strutting got the crowd in a tizzy, but Hase takes him down with a headlock. Hase shoots for the takedown, but Hayes works on the arm, before tagging in Garvin. Garvin applies a hammerlock on Shinya, but Shinya gives him a drop-toe hold, and a headlock takedown. Garvin tries a wristlock, but Hase comes in off the top with an elbow. Hase chops at Garvin, then tags in Shinya who slams Garvin for two. After Hayes comes in, Shinya gives him a back elbow. Then Hase comes in, and slams Hayes, before a rolling senton for two. There's no heat here. Hase gives Hayes a gutbuster and a gutshot, before they trade blows. As they do, Shinya comes in, kicks away, and gives Hayes a spinning heel kick. Shinya gives Hayes a fallaway slam with a bridge for a two count, prior to a chinlock. Hase's quickly in, with a few kicks. Hayes hits the both of them after tossing Hase into Shinya, and makes the hot tag to Garvin. He slams 'em, clotheslines 'em, until Shinya kicks him. Hase with the NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX, Hase and Shinya with the victory at 9:16.
Match Analysis: I really question that booking decision. Um, in the sense that, really, these two teams should not have faced each other. While both are supposed to be heels, let's be honest, MVC vs. Shinya and Hase would've rocked. Oh, the rating. *3/4.
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Bill Watts and Hiro Matsuda are with Tony, announcing that the NWA World Title Tournament will be in Tokyo. Okay, uh, I still don't know why WCW were messing with the NWA. Nearly everything they do hurts WCW. Watts then says that he wants the NWA Champ and the WCW Champ to face each other. Sure!
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Now, we've got the last of the quarterfinal matches. This features two Dangerous Alliance members, these being Steve Austin (TV Champion) and Rick Rude (United States Champion) w/Madusa. They're facing Barry Windham and Dustin Rhodes.
Blow-by-Blow: Typical Rude introduction. Who hates that? Windham and Austin will start in the lock-up, before a Windham armdrag. Austin tries a backslide which gets two, as does a forward roll. Austin gives Windham a shoulderblock, but Windham responds with a big right hand. That cheater has a taped fist! Windham takes Austin down to the canvas, and slaps him, after Austin hesitates to trade punches. Rude comes in, with a lot of heat behind him. Rhodes also comes in, and gives Rude a back suplex, prior to an armdrag. Rude drives Rhodes to the corner, and goes to the chinlock. They go to standing position, and Rude tries a TOMBSTONE...but Rhodes reverses and gives him one of his own for a two count. Austin comes in after Rhodes misses a splash...why isn't Austin wearing kneepads? Austin clotheslines Rhodes, for a two count. Rhodes applies an abdominal stretch after sending Austin out with a knee, and works on said ab stretch for a while, even after an Austin hiptoss. Windham comes in with a clothesline off the top for a two count, but Austin backdrops him. Rude comes in, back suplexes Windham for two, and tags Austin back in. Austin places Windham on top, but Windham headbutts him and comes down with a crossbody for two. Rude pulls Windham's hair to put him down, and during a Madusa distraction, Rude gives Windham a missile dropkick for two. Rude piledrives Windham, for a no count, as Rhodes made the save. Austin comes in with a leap onto Windham, and gives him a suplex for two. Now, to the chinlock. Rude comes in with an elbow, and Austin quickly comes in, ramming Windham into the buckle. To the front-facelock with Rude, but Windham backdrops his way out. Austin in, tosses Windham out, but Windham comes back in with a knee. An Austin boot gets a two count, and back to the chinlock we go. Rude comes in on a switch and pummels Windham, before the referee makes him break a chinlock. Austin comes in with a backdrop, and Windham cradles Austin for two. They both clothesline each other, but Austin gets up first with a back suplex. Rude comes in, but Windham gives him an inverted atomic drop, before they collide in the center of the ring. Rhodes and Austin enter, elbows from Dustin onto both opponents, and a reverse back elbow from the second rope too. Rhodes and Rude brawl on the outside, but when Austin tries a piledriver, Rhodes clotheslines Austin off the top, allowing Windham to make the cover for the victory at 19:16. Our semifinals have been set.
Match Analysis: It was good, but I'm starting to see an awful trend in these matches. They're getting slower and slower, which is something to expect through the next round and the final. Anyway, I like Rude and Austin as a team. **1/4.
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Eric Bischoff is with Vader and Harley Race...Harley does most of the talking, thank goodness.
After, they talk about Halloween Havoc which'll be in October, and
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Now, for the first match of the semifinals. It's the Miracle Violence Connection (WCW Tag Team Champions) vs. Nikita Koloff and Ricky Steamboat.
Blow-by-Blow: Yes, this sounds awesome. Steamboat and Gordy lock-up, but Gordy gives Steamboat a shoulderblock and takes him to the canvas with a headlock. Steamboat gives Gordy a hiptoss and armdrag, which causes Gordy to tag in Williams. Steamboat armdrags him too, but Williams gives him a drop-toe hold. Steamboat goes to a hammerlock and knees Williams a few times, then goes behind, only to be rammed into the buckle. Gordy comes in along with Koloff, but Williams quickly makes the tag, only to be given a drop-toe hold. It's grappling time, until Gordy tags in and tries a shoulderblock. It does nothing, so Koloff dropkicks him. He's very over. Williams takes him down for two, before going to the chinlock. Koloff reverses to a front-facelock, and after Williams tries a counter and the same happens, both Steamboat and Gordy tag in. Steamboat armdrags Gordy, but Williams comes in and gives him a lariat for two. Steamboat tries a crucifix, but Williams backs him into the corner and chops saway. Gordy comes in with a bodyslam, and another, before a clothesline. Williams comes in for a double three-point stance shouldertackle, and he elbowdrops Steamboat as well. Gordy in, Gordy pulls Steamboat to the canvas for two. Williams comes in and they give Steamboat a double suplex for two, but see, they never tagged. So the referee makes Williams get out. Williams then makes the real tag, and gives Steamboat a backbreaker for two. Gordy comes in, but Steamboat gives him a weird DDT for two. Koloff makes the tag, shoulderblocks abound, but Gordy gives him a facebuster. Williams comes in and slams Koloff, before applying a figure-four neck lock. Gordy tags in, and causes Koloff to miss a charge to the corner, allowing Gordy to apply an STF. Williams comes in, and after a few knees to the head, he applies a BOSTON CRAB. Gordy comes in after a tag and applies the STF again, before Williams comes in and powerslams Koloff for two. The life is being sucked out of the crowd. It's almost as if the wrestlers are acting like they aren't there. That's one aspect of the WWF that I always thought was vastly better than their competition. Double collision, and finally, Steamboat makes the tag. He tosses Williams into Gordy, and gives Williams a back suplex. Up on top, a flying chop. Again, and, well, Gordy pushes Steamboat into Williams arms, rams him into the buckle, and a spinebuster for the win at 21:39.
Match Analysis: Too long, and the crowd didn't like it. The wrestling has been top notch for most of the show, but the crowd ain't feeling it. That ties into the lack of crowd interaction. The action's been in the ring almost the whole time. No ram into the guardrails stuff or any of that. **.
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Part two, and we've got Hiroshi Hase and Shinya Hashimoto vs. Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham, in the last semifinal bout.
Blow-by-Blow: Rhodes and Hase lock-up, and Rhodes gives Hase a fireman's carry to begin the action. Windham comes in, and gives Hase an armdrag. Hase wants a TEST OF STRENGTH, and Windham complies. Windham gets the better at first, but Hase bridges back to standing position and kicks him. Shinya comes in, so both he and Windham do a TEST OF STRENGTH, until Windham gives him a double-arm suplex. Shinya responds with a shoulderblock, but Rhodes comes in with a headlock, before trying a shoulderblock of his own...which does nothing. Hase comes in, applies an armbar, but Windham comes in, and gives Hase a hammerlock slam. Shinya in, with a back elbow and a headscissors...which turns into a cross-armbreaker. Rhodes comes in with a big Dusty elbow, and another elbow after a few rights. Shinya pokes him in the eye to end the rally, and slams him, before a spinning heel kick. Shinya and Hase give Rhodes a SPIKE PILEDRIVER..now he's dead. Hase knees Rhodes before making the tag, and both he and Shinya give Rhodes a shoulderblock at once. Shinya knees Rhodes in the gut, and suplexes him for a two count. Hase comes in, and they give Rhodes a double suplex, before Hase applies a BOSTON CRAB. Hase gives Rhodes a belly-to-belly, but misses a double kneedrop off the top. Ouch! Rhodes gives him a lariat, and tags in Windham, who goes to town. Back elbow, suplex, and a powerslam which gets two. Windham goes for an abdominal stretch, but Hase finds his way out. So, Shinya and Hase are both given lariats, allowing Windham to pin Hase and pick up the victory at 14:55.
Match Analysis: It could've been much worse. Uh, while the crowd hated it, I actually quite liked it. Still was no heat, but in this match, there were actually things going on. I know, shocking. Too much mat wrestling on this show. **1/2 for that.
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Ron Simmons cuts a promo with Magnum and Tony...Simmons wants the world title. Simple as that.
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Now, of course, it's time for a mega-bout. Of course, it's gotta be Big Van Vader and Harley Race vs. Sting for the WCW Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: I could never get tired of this match. Vader has this shoulderpad and helmet thing that he wears to the ring...the eyes blink on the helmet. Weird. Anyway, Vader gives Sting a few clubbing blows, and a clothesline to start us off. Sting responds with a clothesline of his own, but the cover does nothing. Vader catches Sting on a crossbody attempt, and pushes him down to the canvas. BUT, Vader misses a charge, so Sting gives him a back suplex. That sort of offense against someone that big is super impressive. Sting clotheslines Vader over the top, and when Vader comes back in, Vader wants a TEST OF STRENGTH. Sting says sure, but pokes Vader in the eye. Smart. Sting gives Vader two dropkicks, before suplexing him in from the apron for a two count. Vader runs into Sting, but Sting cradles him for a two count. Sting then tries a sunset flip, only to be sat on and given an elbowdrop. A Vader splash only gets one (one!), before picking Sting up in a chokehold and tossing him to the canvas. Vader applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK...but Sting breaks the hold. After a clothesline and powerslam from Vader for two, Sting responds with a rolling koppou kick (surprise!), and a DDT. Sting's shoulderblock sends Vader to the outside, and after a few blows, Vader goes up top. Sting crotches Vader and puts him on his shoulders for a, wait for it, SAMOAN DROP. Love the spots on display here. Cover only gets two. Vader tries a back suplex, but Sting kicks the referee on accident, and hits a GERMAN, for a two count. Yeesh, these bumps. A dropkick follows from Sting, and a STINGER SPLASH too! Sting tries another STINGER SPLASH, but misses, and his head collides with the ringpost. Sting's bleeding, but covers Vader for two. He falls to the canvas after a few missed punch attempts, so we've got a Vader POWERBOMB. It's all over, and we've got a new World Champion at 17:04. First of his career. Sting's down flat on his face in the ring, so Steamboat and Koloff come out to help him to the back.
Match Analysis: Wow, they made a mega-heel here. But, this was just slightly not as good as their match at Starrcade '92. I've got many reasons for that. One, somewhat flat finish. Two, Sting's babyface comeback at Starrcade was one of the best I've seen. Ever. You can never go wrong with this match, in fact, I'm going to watch it again in a few minutes. Seriously. ****1/4, match of the night, no doubt. Unless MVC vs. Windham and Rhodes is fantastic.
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Bischoff is with Vader...he's the man!
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Finally, it's time for the NWA Tag Team Title Tournament Final. On one side, we've got the Miracle Violence Connection, Steve Williams and Terry Gordy. On the other, we've got Barry Windham and Dustin Rhodes. This should be grand.
Blow-by-Blow: Well, the Steiners plan on interrupting this party, but security leads them out. Darn. Lock-up, with Gordy and Windham. Ole Anderson's the referee, and he isn't very good at it.Rhodes is in, and Gordy takes him down. Rhodes responds with some elbows, and Windham comes in and applies a figure-four. Williams runs in and gives him a belly-to-belly, but Windham latches on the arm and goes to work, with an armdrag. Gordy clotheslines Windham after tagging in, for a two count, but Rhodes comes in with an elbowdrop. Williams and Rhodes trade headlocks, until Rhodes rolls him up for two. Rhodes armdrags Williams, but Gordy tags in, trips Rhodes, and applies an STF. Williams comes in and elbows Rhodes a few times for two, as I notice that the crowd's emptied out a bit. Rhodes gives Williams a jawbreaker and forward rolls for two, then Gordy tags in and applies a boston crab on Rhodes. It's really easy to make tags without fighting your opponent off, because the ring is so small. Williams gives Rhodes a powerslam for two, but it also allows Windham to make the tag. He clotheslines Gordy, suplexes Williams, and also gives Williams a gutwrench suplex. Windham gives Williams a sleeper, but Williams pulls him into the ropes, which allows Gordy to tag in. Gordy suplexes Windham for two, and gives him a clothesline for two, before going to the chinlock. WIndham gives Gordy a back suplex, but Williams comes in and clobbers him. Williams applies a leg grapevine, while Gordy gives Windham an elbowdrop. Williams applies an abdominal stretch, but Windham makes the ropes. Gordy in with a shoulderblock, but Windham falls backwards and makes the tag to Rhodes. ELBOWS FOR ALL, but Gordy applies a front-facelock. Ended that! Williams is beginning to rev up for the OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE, but Windham gives him a dropkick. Williams misses a charge to the corner, but Rhodes misses a bulldog. In my world, he would have hit the bulldog, and the match would've been over. But in the real world, Williams gave Rhodes a giant LARIAT complete with a 360 sell, and the Miracle Violence Connection are now the NWA Tag Team Champs in addition to being the WCW Tag Team Champs. Time of the fall was 21:09. After the bout, the MVC ran over to Magnum and Tony, and Williams cut a brutal promo. Wow. Oh yeah, after some talk about Halloween Havoc and thoughts from JR and Jesse Ventura, the show's over.
Match Analysis: Not the best match, but it's wrestling. No gimmicks, no trash. Williams and Gordy were such dominant heels, but the crowd didn't really have a reason to hate them. They didn't cheat, but I still love them. It's fun watching them stretch their opponents to death. **1/2.
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Rating: Decent. I can't in good faith call this show good, because the crowd didn't care about it. I think they liked the wrestling, but there wasn't a reason to care about the competitiors. Throwaway show, and I don't understand why they didn't give the NWA Belts to someone else. Build to the unification. But, we are talking about WCW. Something like that just ain't going to happen. Makes too much sense. Another thing, having this and another tag centric show (Lethal Lottery/BattleBowl) in the same year isn't very smart. Just my .02.
Best Segment: Sting/Vader. In a word, fantastic. A wrestling fan who doesn't like these matches is not a wrestling fan.
Worst Segment: Outside of Williams' promo, I'll say Hase & Hashimoto vs. The Freebirds was the worst, although it wasn't bad at all.
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If in fact King of the Ring 1993 gets put up tomorrow evening, that shall be my next review. I can't wait to watch it.
Hey look my blog isn't dead! Okay it's pretty close to being dead but decided to throw together a Draftback baseball entry before this upcoming week's MLB Draft.
1. Phillies - Pat Burrell, Third Baseman, Miami
Heavily scrutinized, but very productive player throughout his career outside a dreadful 2003 season.
2. Athletics - Mark Mulder, Pitcher, Michigan State
Rotator cuff problems have pretty much ruined a once promising career.
3. Cubs - Corey Patterson, Outfielder, Harrison High School (Harrison, GA)
Toolsy player who has never figured out the strikezone.
4. Royals - Jeff Austin, Pitcher, Stanford
Usually doesn't take three picks to get to the first bust in a baseball draft. 65 1/3 career innings in the Majors.
5. Cardinals - J.D. Drew, Outfielder, Florida State
Of course the year before Drew (and agent Scott Boras) infamously refused to sign with the Phillies after being the #2 pick overall. Incredibly talented player but injuries have hampered him for most of his career.
6. Twins - Ryan Mills, Pitcher, Arizona State
Didn't reach Triple-A until 2003 and was out of baseball after 2004.
7. Reds - Austin Kearns, Outfielder, Lafayette High School (Lexington, KY)
Has shown flashes of potentially being a great hitter in the past but injuries and a lack of consistency have held him back.
8. Blue Jays - Felipe Lopez, Shortstop, Lake Brantley High School (Altamonte Springs, FL)
Had one great year offensively in 2005 but not much else and is poor defensively.
9. Padres - Sean Burroughs, Third Baseman, Wilson High School (Long Beach, CA)
Never developed any power and now appears to be out of organized baseball.
10. Rangers - Carlos Pena, First Baseman, Northeastern
Very odd career, broke out with a monster season last year but remains to be seen if it was a fluke or not.
11. Expos - Josh McKinley, Shortstop, Malvern Prep School (PA)
Never got past Double-A, hit .254/.340/.375 in seven minor league seasons.
12. Red Sox - Adam Everett, Shortstop, South Carolina
Great defense, terrible offense.
13. Brewers - J.M. Gold, Pitcher, Toms River North High School (Toms River North, NJ)
Topped out at high Single-A ball.
14. Tigers - Jeff Weaver, Pitcher, Fresno State
Easy to forget he was pretty impressive early on his career but now hanging by a thread with the Brewers Triple-A squad.
15. Pirates - Clint Johnston, Pitcher, Vanderbilt
Gave up pitching after 2001, but becoming a first baseman only got him to Double-A.
16. White Sox - Kip Wells, Pitcher, Baylor
Sorta like Weaver in that he showed some promise early on his career but has stringed together some truly awful seasons.
17. Astros - Brad Lidge, Pitcher, Notre Dame
The demise of his career post-Pujols has been greatly exaggerated.
18. Angels - Seth Etherton, Pitcher, USC
6.30 ERA in 115 1/3 innings in the Majors.
19. Giants - Tony Torcato, Third Baseman, Woodland High School (Woodland, CA)
Only had 53 MLB plate appearances.
20. Indians - C.C. Sabathia, Pitcher, Vallejo High School (Vallejo, CA)
Cy Young winner last season who barring injury will cash in big this offseason, even with a potential down year.
21. Mets - Jason Tyner, Outfielder, Texas A&M
Has some how fooled teams into giving him 1400+ plate appearances in the Majors. Has hit four homeruns in nearly in 5000 plate appearances in professional baseball and he's a corner oufielder!
22. Mariners - Matt Thornton, Pitcher, Grand Valley State
Next Randy Johnson he was not but has become a decent reliever.
23. Dodgers - Bubba Crosby, Outfielder, Rice
Great name but not so good player.
24. Yankees - Andy Brown, Outfielder, Richmond High School (Richmond, IN)
.219 career hitter in eight minor league seasons.
25. Giants - Nate Bump, Pitcher, Penn State
Had a bumpy career. *rim shot*
26. Orioles - Rick Elder, Outfielder, Sprayberry High School (Marietta, GA)
Never got past high Single-A and lasted only five seasons in the minors.
27. Marlins - Chip Ambres, Outfielder, West Brook High School (Beaumont, TX)
Pretty much a career minor leaguer.
28. Rockies - Matt Roney, Pitcher, Edmond North High School (Edmond North, OK)
An extended stint with the 119-loss Tigers in 2003 has been about it for him.
29. Giants - Arturo McDowell, Outfielder, Forest Hill High School (West Palm Beach, FL)
Another swing and a miss for Brian Sabean.
30. Royals - Matt Burch, Pitcher, Virginia Commonwealth
Double-A was as good as it got for him.
Other Picks of Note
33. Expos - Brad Wilkerson
35. White Sox - Aaron Rowand
43. Yankees - Mark Prior (did not sign)
50. Reds - Adam Dunn
57. Tigers - Brandon Inge
83. Rangers - Barry Zito (did not sign)
162. Devil Rays - Aubrey Huff
176. Brewers - Bill Hall
210. Rockies - Matt Holliday
225. Athletics - Eric Byrnes
258. Cardinals - Jack Wilson
265. Red Sox - Mark Teixeira (did not sign)
272. Astros - Morgan Ensberg
390. Rockies - Juan Pierre
411. Blue Jays - Jay Gibbons
499. Twins - J.J. Putz (did not sign)
500. Reds - B.J. Ryan
550. Marlins - Adam LaRoche (did not sign)
609. Orioles - Cliff Lee (did not sign)
1139. White Sox - Mark Buehrle
5 p.m.
• So about three weeks ago, the better half got the word that she was getting laid off by her idiot boss. Since then she’s been in a state of panic about getting another job. The whole time I’ve been telling her to enjoy this time. After all, she has nearly a month worth of vacation/sick time to use, and her final day of work is August 31. But this is the first time this sort of thing has happened to her, and has been freaking out nonstop. That is until someone she knows within the local university put her C.V. (think resume) on this super-secret list that researchers browse to look for employees. Within ONE MINUTE of Mrs. kkk’s posting, she got a phone call. Right now she’s got three interviews lined up in the next two weeks (one being Monday, one being Tuesday and one being June 13). The one on June 13 e-mailed her yesterday and said that she is in the process of getting a grant out and won’t be available until the 13th but to let her know of any offers she receives before this date (the low-end starting wage for this job is the same as what Mrs. kkk is making now). Christ almighty. This wasn’t quite the same route I took whenever I moved to a location and looked for work. Then again, she’s the one with the Master’s Degree. At least now I can get some peace and quiet – at least about this subject.
While I’m on this subject, I have to point out that her uber-liberal boss is laying her off because said academic no longer wants to publish academic papers, which was a second source of income she was receiving along to the grant that Mrs. kkk is/was a part of. The boss quit working writing papers for this guy and now will focus on the grant full-time, which is a huge clusterfuck waiting to happen because she’s got the work ethic of a slug (see the May 7 entry link above for details). Why did Mrs. kkk get the axe? Because the boss wants to keep the same salary level back when she worked both jobs. Keep in mind this is the same person that espouse liberal cliché after liberal cliché, especially when it comes to how BIG CORPORATIONS treat their employees and how they show no compassion to those worker bees. For as fun as it has been observing the chaos of my former place of employment, when Mrs. kkk leaves her current position, this will be turmoil times 1000.
I watched this first, because I had some stuff to do. Couldn't fit Nitro in my 100 minute period. Raw's from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
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Hat Guy sighting! The Hart Foundation comes out, with Bret's newfound Federation Gold. We see a video from SummerSlam...where Shawn Michaels hit The Undertaker with a chair on accident. Bret wants Shawn to leave the Fed because he showed favoritism against him. Now, about the Patriot last week, that was a fluke. Bret then says that Pillman will not wear a dress, before showing the clip of Owen 3:16. We then see that Sgt. Slaughter is the new commissioner, who says that Bret Hart will defend his title against The Patriot at Ground Zero. Bulldog's gonna face Shamrock soon too. And Pillman's gonna wear a dress tonight. And Owen will get a rematch against Austin...only it'll be WHEN STONE COLD SAYS SO. Austin comes out RIGHT NOW, and he says so right now. Right now! He's gonna open a can of whoopass.
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The Nation talk about the triple threat between Faarooq, Savio Vega, and Crush at Ground Zero, and then we've got Ken Shamrock vs. Kama Mustafa w/NOD.
- 4 on 1. Well, until Slaughter came out and removed the Nation from ringside. So much for that. It's really a mess of a match. Two of the Boricuas come out and suplex Kama on the floor, so when Kama gets tossed in, he is given a belly-to-belly and loses to Shamrock at 3:03. DUD. Kama gives chase to Los Boricuas...
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After the SummerSlam replay video (paying for a PPV replay is D-U-M-B)...we've got a Brakus vignette. LOL.
Sunny then comes out (uh, yeah. Words do not describe.) to be our ring announcer for Taka Michinoku vs. Brian Christopher.
- I've been waiting for this matchup. It was bound to come sooner or later. Lawler's commentary is either really funny, or really awful. It's all up to you. Christopher goes to the rolling suplexes, but gets rolled up by Taka at 3:27 before the third attempt. That's too bad! Christopher puts the boots to Taka afterwards, and tosses him out like a piece of trash. **.
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Slaughter hands Pillman his dress, and tells Pillman that he'll wrestle in it until he wins on RAW. Some commish!
Now, we've got HHH w/Chyna vs. Vader w/Paul Bearer.
- Paul Bearer is in the back, running down Chyna before Vader makes his entrance.
- He trips HHH while HHH is running the ropes, so Chyna gives him a dropkick. Then we have a double countout at 2:13. 3/4*. Not very fun.
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The Patriot is going to face The Sultan w/The Iron Sheik...
- The Patriot cut a promo about Ground Zero before the match...Sultan's gimmick fits well with the Patriot, I'd say. A Patriot full nelson slam finishes at 1:45. *. After the match, the Hart Foundation come down. BUT, Slaughter stops the rest, leaving Bret by his lonesome, oblivious to the fact that he has no backup. Patriot attacks Bret when Bret turns his back...heh.
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We're in the WARZONE, and Shawn Michaels opens that up by making his way to the ring. He knows that everyone's blaming him, so now, he's going to blame everyone else for everything. Vince asks Shawn if he's in league with Bret Hart, so Shawn calls him a dumb son of a bitch. Once he did that, Vince announced Shawn vs. Taker for Ground Zero. Ha! Shawn's fine with it, because he's not going to lay down for the Deadman. The lights go out...and there's the Undertaker. Lights on, and Shawn's gone. Not a surprise. It's time to stop talking and kick ass. That's what he said. Paul Bearer shows up on the TitanTron, and damns Taker to hell. Kane's coming. YES HE IS.
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Ahmed Johnson w/The Nation is supposed to face Chainz w/DOA.
- In the back, we learn that the doctors will not clear Austin to wrestle tonight. Slaughter comes down to remove the extras...but Los Boricuas come down later, to steal Chainz's bike. That distracts him enough, allowing Ahmed to give him a PEARL RIVER PLUNGE for the victory at 2:11. 1/2*. After the match, Faarooq and the rest of the Nation attacks AHMED. WHAT? Sorry, that makes no sense. He's only been with them for three or four shows.
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The Godwinns vs. The Headbangers is up next...
- Damnit, I hate this matchup. Dude Love is going to face Owen Hart instead of Austin facing Owen. Henry's going to SLOP DROP Thrasher, and Phineas pins him at 3:51. *1/4.
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Goldust comes out with Marlena...to watch Brian Pillman face Bob Holly.
- Of course, Pillman's wearing a dress. Pretty large "faggot" chant erupts...those weren't such politically correct times. He's wearing a thong underneath his dress, unfortunately. And when Goldust distracts Pillman, Pillman gets counted out at 2:24. *.
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Owen Hart vs. Dude Love is our main event...
- Bret's out for commentary, btw. I can't ever get enough Owen...or Foley. Mick has a nasty bruise on his right arm, I should mention.
- The match isn't very good. Vince wants to know why Lawler and Bret are buddy-buddy now, but that can't be answered.
- After a commercial, we come back with, well, somewhat of a bore. Just not what I expected. Bulldog comes to the ring, so Slaughter is distracted. Bret then rams Love into the post, allowing Owen to apply the SHARPSHOOTER back in the ring. Austin walks down, grabs one of Owen's SLAMMIES, and hits Owen with it. Dude picks up the pinfall victory at 8:25. *3/4. Once the match is over, Dude gets molested in the corner. End show!
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The show was bad. Too many short matches, too many not very good matches. Best segment was Taka vs. Brian Christopher (seriously), and the worst was The Nation of Domination's turn on Ahmed. I don't understand that one.
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Not only is Nitro three hours long, it's also from Detroit, Michigan.
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Hollywood Hogan opens the show by coming down to the ring...he honestly looks sad to be jobbing later on. Anyway, the painted on beard is gone as well.
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Mortis w/James Vandenberg vs. Curt Hennig is going to open...
- Sounds good to me. It's not that bad, but it's too damn short. The HENNIG-PLEX finishes at 3:46. *3/4.
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Now, after a Sting video, we've got Dean Malenko and Jeff Jarrett w/Debra facing Hector and Chavo Guerrero.
- Chavo and Dean's gear is too similar. A Malenko TEXAS CLOVERLEAF makes Hector tap out at 4:51. *1/2.
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Mean Gene is with Stevie Richards and Raven...well, Stevie has a contract for Raven to sign. That shit won't fly. Raven spits on Stevie and slaps him, but Stevie catches Raven's hand before Raven can punch him. He doesn't want to be treated like this anymore.
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The Giant is going to face Lenny Lane, Joey Maggs, and Scott D'Amore in a handicap match...
- Big time lolz here. The Giant CHOKESLAMS all of them, and pins all of them at 1:35. Savage and Liz come out, and the Giant gives chase before the commercial.
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After a Luger video, we've got High Voltage vs. Public Enemy.
- Oh man, not this match again. I hate it. Of course it's formula, but in-offensive. I just hate both teams.
- Rocco Rock flies through a table, but when Rage accidentally hits Kaos, Public Enemy picks up the victory after a Grunge rollup at 5:12. *1/2. After the match, Kaos hits Grunge with a piece of the table that Rock flew through.
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Alex Wright interrupts the Nitro Girls routine with some dancing of his own...before talking to Gene Okerlund. Only talks about his rematch against Jericho at Road Wild, before heading to the ring to face Scotty Riggs.
- Thank goodness that the American Males music was lost. No more. Wright hits a missile dropkick for the victory at 3:44. *3/4.
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Hour #2...Lex Luger interview time. These interviews are sucking up the extra hour. I don't care for them, but this is a good promo.
Now, Vincent is going to face Booker T w/Stevie Ray.
- You know, Harlem Heat kicked Vincent's ass a month or so ago. That explains all this. Soon as could be, a Harlem Sidekick gives Booker the win. Only went 48 seconds. Afterwards, Harlem Heat kick his ass again. DUD.
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Gene's now with DDP, who really says some bad stuff about Ric Flair because he associates with the likes of Curt Hennig. Anyone who hangs out with Curt Hennig is just as bad as Curt Hennig, in Page's eyes.
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The Barbarian is going to face Wrath...
- This will suuuck. Well, actually, it don't. Wrath's DEATH PENALTY gets the victory at 2:58. Meng comes out, making Wrath leave. Throwaway. *.
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Mean Gene is with the Steiners...who are accompanied by Ted DiBiase! Whoa. Ted says that he needed to look at the big picture. The New World Order isn't wrestling. He said they'd win the World Wrestling...oops. He was about to say something he shouldn't have. Anyway, the Outsiders come down the aisle and say that DiBiase didn't understand the whole NWO 4 LIFE thing. He'll soon see the error of his ways.
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Psychosis is going to face Konnan right now.
- This is part of Konnan's mission to take down the luchadors. Psychosis was very sloppy, but this was short. Konnan made him tap to the TEQUILA SUNRISE at 1:48. 1/2*. This shit sucks...the matches are too goddamn short. Rey Mysterio crutches his way to the ring...but when Konnan turned his back because he thought Rey was actually hurt, Rey hit him in the back with a crutch. Ha. Playing possum.
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Ernest Miller and Glacier vs. Silver King and Damien
- Finally, a decent length match. Or at least I thought it would be. A Miller spin kick off the top onto Damien gets the win at 3:25. Damn. *1/2.
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Bischoff appears, with a microphone. He says that Larry Z and The Giant were totally out of line. Not only that, but he wants JJ Dillion to come out. He says that Dillon should keep the Giant from touching him.
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Hour #3 begins, with Diamond Dallas Page vs. Ric Flair.
- Curt Hennig gives Flair some dap before the match, then we begin. Surprised to see this of all things given away. Hennig goes out after a DDP powerbomb to Flair, just to marinate. Then we have a commercial.
- The FIGURE-FOUR was on, but Page made it to the ropes. There was a stupid segment where DDP pinned Hennig while having the figure-four on Flair. Hennig has brass knux, but Page takes them. Then he hits both Hennig and Flair, leading to the DQ at 7:32. Page fends them all off on the attack, which is great. **1/4. FINALLY, a match with length.
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Now, we've got Hector Garza and Lizmark Jr. vs. Villano IV & V.
- Boy, am I glad that I was so eagerly awaiting this. Dive sequenece of course...then the Villano's switch before getting pinned, and Villano IV cradles Lizmark at 4:52. **.
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Mean Gene is with JJ Dillon...AGAIN. Goodness. They're talking about Sting, who soon enters the ring. Dillon wants him to sign a contract to face Curt Hennig. HA! Needless to say, Sting doesn't like that. He rips up the contract, and leaves.
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About fuckin' time. It's Lex Luger vs. Hollywood Hogan for the WCW Championship.
- Hogan hasn't wrestled on Nitro since I GOT THIS CHANNEL. Seriously. Crowd is not the most rowdy, which is unfortunate.
- After the break, we learn that Hogan hit Luger with a chair during the break. Hogan DROPS THE LEG, but Luger kicks out. After some Luger clotheslines, Hall runs in. He gets clotheslined. Nash and Savage run in. Luger gives Savage a gutshot, and tosses him into Nash, knocking both Nash and Savage to the floor. RACK on Hogan, and we've got...A NEW WCW CHAMPION, at 8:58 (shown). **. All of WCW comes out and celebrates with Luger in the ring. Not a REALLY huge pop, but the pop was still sizeable. WCW did well here.
- Luger held the title upside down the whole time. Now, after some words from the commentary team, we go to the back. They're doing the whole champagne thing, and cleaning the NWO letters off of the title. I like that. The NWO is really pissed off, and Hogan wants his rematch in Sturgis.
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Of course, Hogan will win the title back in "6 days," but the title win doesn't make a grating 140 minutes good all of a sudden. The show was bad. Best segment was the title win...worst was, well, take your pick. Lots of shit to choose from. I'll go with ALL THE INTERVIEWS. RAW was better.
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Great American Bash 1992 review should be up soon. I have a long time to finish it.
9 p.m.
• So I'm one of the many who don't watch Keith Olbermann's hippie show, but I did notice this and had to watch. (video -- lol, when is O'Reilly ever NOT on this worst-person list?) Below is the text.
Oy. I'm not even going to bother with the "yeah, well liberal groups boycott stupid shit, too" because, well, this is pretty stupid. HOWEVER, I will say this. At least it got Rachel Ray off the air, at least for a few 30-second bits. Yeah, I know, there are some kooks on my side, but as long as they vote with me in November I'll just pat them on the head and go, "that's nice."
Oh hell, I couldn't resist.
So Pat Robertson was going to pay some poor white trash 10k to blow himself up during the Dunkin' morning rush?
7:30 p.m.
• So Friday I talked about going to my first Pirates game since PNC Park was built. Actually, I think the last time I went to a Pirates game was in 1993, but whatever. No, wait. There was a game after that a few years later when my old man informed a group of us that due to being exposed to toxic chemicals he grew two added balls. What a night at the ball park that was. But I digress.
So we got there before the game started, but the problem was the two people coming from out-of-state were still in Shittsburgh traffic. I knew they would be. No problem. It’s not like I’m in any hurry to watch the Bucs. And of course, during the first inning, I hear via an outside speaker that the Cubs have already scored. Now that was a surprise. Our guests showed up and we headed to our seats. It was still the first inning, so I only wasted 1/9 of my ticket. No biggie.
My impressions? It was a ball park home to a shit team. Who cares? The better half actually liked the experience more than she, or I, thought. Then again, she was looking at just about everything around her BUT the actual play on the field. I guess that’s the point. And what is up with showing stock quotes on the narrow electronic marquees up around the stadium? One thing I will give props to is that the out-of-town scoreboard not only shows every other major-league contest but also who is on base and how many outs left in the current half-inning. I’m not sure how often this gets updated, but whatever.
Oh, yeah. The Pirates. Holy fuck are they awful. I don’t pay any attention to this team during the season, so I never really observe just how they accomplish losing season after losing season. Here’s the box score:
CHC (29-19) 2 1 1 1 3 1 0 3 0 12 19 0
PIT (22-26) 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 1 0 3 8 2
The Cubs scored in ALL but TWO innings. The Pirates had a runner on third with NO OUTS and couldn’t bring him in. The Cubs let Carlos Zambrano in the top of the seventh and brought in a relief pitcher in the bottom of the inning. Yeah, I know he’s a good hitting pitcher. And of course, when your pitcher goes FOUR FOR FIVE with TWO RBI, why not leave him out there? The Pirates clean-up hitter is hitting .220; the Cubs clean-up hitter (a former Pirate) is hitting .296 – that’s about all I need to say.
Then there was the pitching. For as bad as Zach Duke was in his 4 innings, he looked like an ace once Sean Burnett took the mound. This performance was so bad it was laughable – in fact, my one guest said by the 4th inning that, as an outsider, watching the Pirates play was an “interesting experience.” I think she said this around the time a ball was hit to the shortstop and after spending a few seconds pondering to throw the ball to second base (or was it third base? No matter) he decided to throw it to first, which was too little too late. Then there were the several botched double plays – I can’t remember what innings these took place in because it seemed the Cubs had multiple runners in scoring position each inning.
I will say this though: I never thought I’d say a $6 order of nachos is worth the price, but damn that was some good shit. Too bad I had to go to FOUR DIFFERENT STANDS before getting them. First stand? They didn’t sell them. Fortunately, I didn’t stay in line too long for that one. I went to the stand next to this one. After a 5-10 minute wait I discover they are out – in the bottom of the 5th. I then went two stands over to some fancy place. There’s a lady behind the register. Someone just left that register with food. I walk up and learn that she doesn’t sell nachos. But there are nachos behind her. She says to go to the middle of the stand. The hell? I go there. Guess what? In order to get nachos I have to GO BACK TO THE LADY I ORIGINALLY SPOKE TO. Good fucking Christ. Finally, I get to the next stand and buy my overpriced shit. Hey, I’m going to a MLB game – the food’s going to be expensive. For as cheap as I am I do spend the cash pretty freely at occasions like these. And after all that I have to reiterate – those nachos were good shit.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. The game. While I was away the Pirates scored a few runs, but by now it was 8-2. Yeah, there’s going to be a rally. One observation I made during the course of this game was that there were a number of Cubs fans, and nobody from Shittsburgh cared when they cheered their beloved Cubbies each time a run was scored, which was often. I remember back in ’90 when the Pirates played the Mets fans throwing popcorn on a Metropolitan fan when he and his kid cheered a big play by the visiting team. I remember a Pirates fan getting into a drunken brawl with a Braves fan in the ’92 NLCS. This game? Nothing. It’s like those Pirate fans in attendance knew their team sucked and the visiting fans had every right to clap, hoot and holler.
And if you can’t have fireworks on the field during the game, you can have them after the game is over. Uh, yay. Mrs. kkk loves fireworks. I’m indifferent. Here’s another PNC compliment: The seats are WAY more comfortable than the Reds stadium. And the vendors are nearly as annoying as those in Cincinnati. I’m also amazed that with this horrid economy people would pay $10 for parking and more than $6 for a giant hot dog. Damn you George W. Bush and your tax cuts for the rich.
8 p.m.
• So that's why Mark Madden hasn't been on the air the last few days.
I didn't make a comment here about Uncle Ted's condition because I have a feeling the minute I do karma is going to bite me in the ass ... hard. Good thing I had Mark to say it. Yeah, I know. It's cold in here. Brrrrrr.
Hmm, where I have heard this story before? I person on ESPN says some OFFENSIVE and nothing is done for days after the fact.
Oh fuck you all. "Longer look." Much like anything that takes place at ESPN, these faggot-ass cunts waited until a bunch of people who don't like Madden to begin with bitched.
So what if he goes after certain people -- are they untouchable? Yeah he's a pig. And that's why I listened to him several times a week.
OK, now that was funny. Wrestling fans, if you think he shilled for WCW back in the day, that's NOTHING compared to what he does with the Penguins.
So?
It's amazing. Whenever some conservative group with their panties in a wad complains about sex/violence/blacks on television/movies/radio we're always told by liberal elites to just not watch/listen to this stuff. But when it's something like Madden or Michael Savage it's HATE SPEECH. Oh well. And for the record, Madden is no conservative.
If the local Fox Sports Radio had any brains (and balls) they would hire Madden after his contract expires (he's still getting paid by ESPN). They probably won't, but I could be wrong.
I've been waiting to watch this. Just so much here worth seeing.
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We jump right into the first match, that being The Ultimate Maniacs vs. Money Inc. w/Jimmy Hart for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: The Maniacs are the Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage. Money Inc attacked the Maniacs, before they got ditched. They get tossed out again, before Savage and DiBiase start things off proper. A Savage atomic drop gets two, as he gives DiBiase his slingshot clothesline into the ropes. Warrior comes in with a suplex, that gets a two count. As Warrior tries the flying shoulderblock, DiBiase gets out of the way and slams Warrior into the canvas, allowing him to tag in IRS. IRS comes in with a sleeper, then we go to a split-screen view with Razor Ramon and Ric Flair cutting a promo in the back. DiBiase comes into the ring with the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM, but Savage knees DiBiase in the back. After both Warrior and DiBiase clothesline each other, the tags are made, so that IRS and Savage can enter. Savage backdrops IRS, clotheslines DiBiase and slams IRS, before going to the top. FLYING ELBOW, but the cover gets broken up by DiBiase. A brawl ensues, but after Warrior and Savage clear the ring, Money Inc. decide to leave. They get counted out at 6:11. The Maniacs go to attack in the aisle, but Flair and Razor ambush them and beat them up. Good job!
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best match, of course. But I still enjoyed it, because the pace didn't really slow down. *1/2. Obviously a finish was not on the cards, and I probably wouldn't have liked it had there been.
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After a Bret Hart music video, Shawn Michaels faces The British Bulldog for the Intercontinental Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Bulldog pushes Michaels down after the initial lock-up, and Shawn's shoulderblocks don't do anything. We resort to drastic measures, those being punches and eyepokes. After an eyepoke, Shawn hiptosses Bulldog, and applies a short arm scissors. Bulldog picks Shawn up out of the short arm scissors and drops him to the canvas from his shoulders, which is nice. Bulldog press slams Shawn and clotheslines him over the top, but Shawn ducks under on the inside and we go into a reversal sequence. Bulldog ends it with an armdrag, but misses a charge to the corner. When Shawn turns his back on the Bulldog like a moron, Bulldog clobbers him, only to get tossed outside. Shawn begins to untie a turnbuckle pad, as we go to a...
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back, and the buckle pad is untied, but still left on the corner. Shawn kneedrops away at Bulldog, and applies an abdominal stretch. We go back to the abdominal stretch after Bulldog hiptosses out, and really, this one lasts way too long. Bulldog hiptosses out for a second time, before the turnbuckle pad comes off when Shawn's running the ropes. Uh-oh. Bulldog gives the challenger a facebuster, then sends him upside down in the corner before slingshotting him back towards it and giving him a clothesline. The cover only got two, as does the cover after a Bulldog delayed vertical suplex. Shawn sends Bulldog back first into the exposed turnbuckle (oh no!), and both stay down for a bit, as they're worn out. When both get up, Bulldog places Shawn up top, for a superplex attempt. Bulldog's back gives out, Shawn lands on top of him and gets the three count at 10:26 (shown). Shawn's got his first taste of Federation gold! No, I'm not counting the WWF tag belt win that never aired.
Match Analysis: The abdominal stretches nearly killed the match for me, but it could've been a lot worse. I watched this on DVD a while back, and my rating actually went down from then. I didn't really realize how long that portion of the match was until yesterday. ***1/4 is my rating. I know I'm focusing on the negative, but there's a ton of positive in that match. For one, pacing. Two, psychology. Michaels not taking the buckle off and it just falling down by chance was great. There's obviously more, but I don't have all the time in the world.
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Mean Gene is with Razor Ramon, Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect, who praise Michaels' Intercontinental Title victory. Flair says that it's going to be champion vs. champion at Survivor Series, and he'll be waiting to face the winner.
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Papa Shango vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Championship is our main event...
Blow-by-Blow: Before Bret's entrance, he cut a promo in the back with Mean Gene. Also, Bill Alfonso's the referee. Shango works Bret over, but Bret whips Shango into the corner and monkey flips him out. A few Bret shoulderblocks and a crossbody only get one, so Bret follows with an inverted atomic drop. Bret clotheslines him over the top, and follows him down to the floor with a PESCADO. Now, we go to a
COMMERCIAL BREAK
We're back, with Shango sending Bret into the buckle. He applies a bearhug, but Bret pokes him in the eye to break. Shango responds with a back elbow, and headbutts Bret down low. Way down low. Shango goes to the nerve hold after a choketoss, but breaks it and clotheslines Bret. Back to the nerve hold, but Bret gets up, and gets whipped into the ropes, after which he gives Shango a sunset flip. At least he tried. Shango punched the canvas, and misses a charge to the corner, leading to a Bret sleeper. Shango charges at the corner and ducks down, causing Bret's head to get rammed into the buckle. Shango gives Bret two elbowdrops, but misses an UGLY elbowdrop off the top rope. Bret gives Shango a gutshot, before a russian leg sweep which gets two. Bret backdrops Shango for a two count, before coming off the second rope with a clothesline for another two count. Shango misses the HO TRAIN, so Bret locks him into the SHARPSHOOTER, forcing Shango to give up at 7:15 (shown).
Match Analysis: What a carryjob. One of the best I've ever seen, to be 100% honest. I thought that was going to be a shitter of a match, but it wasn't. Surprising. I don't know if I'm rating it too high or not, but **1/4 sounds just right.
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Paul Bearer's out, for an edition of his funeral parlor. We see clips of The Undertaker making a casket for Kamala, before Taker comes out of a coffin to speak. Rotting corpses of the maggots below the souls of all that lie beneath the earth and that sort of thing, then Kamala will REST IN PEACE.
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Bret Hart is with Gene Okerlund again, to talk about his earlier victory. BUT, Shawn Michaels interrupts. Oh yes. He runs down Bret's opposition, and they push each other, before we cut away to Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Heenan's on the phone with someone, who says that one of the teams is going to have a new partner at Survivor Series. Which one could it be?
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Rating: Good. Well, I thought so. Take into account that I love both 1992 and 1993's wrestling from both major promotions.
Best Segment: Bulldog vs. Michaels
Worst Segment: Bret Hart's music video. It was SO corny.
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Ok, um, RAW and Nitro review from 8/4/1997 will be up on Friday. Nitro this time is a famed THREE HOUR SHOW.
Road to WrestleMania and that sort of thing. Still do not understand the point of having two Elimination Chambers on this PPV...
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CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero for the ECW Title is going to open the show...
Blow-by-Blow: Punk kicks right at the start, then gives Chavo a back elbow. After a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Punk, Punk misses a charge to the corner, so he can get kicked off the ring apron. Chavo knocks Punk down for two, before giving him a few weak kicks. A Chavo drop-toe hold leads to a cover for two, so he gives Punk a back suplex, before applying a body scissors. Punk slingshots Chavo into the corner, for a knee and a backdrop. He then misses a charge, but his powerslam gets a two count. He tries the GO TO SLEEP, but Chavo rana's out and follows it up with a tornado DDT for two. A Punk enziguri gets two after Chavo did the Eddie "shake your shoulders" taunt, before Punk does said taunt and tries the three amigos, to quite a bit of heel heat. I don't think Punk should've done that. Anyway, he only was able to give Chavo two suplexes, before the knee and bulldog combination at the corner for two. A big kick puts Chavo out, but after a cover, Punk places Chavo on top. Chavo kicks Punk away and climbs the turnbuckles, but Punk crotches him. Now Punk tries to give him a frankensteiner, but Chavo holds the rope so that Punk goes to the canvas all by his lonesome, FROG SPLASH, Chavo retains his gold at 7:15. Nice reception for his win, btw.
Match Analysis: Basically, just a standard Tuesday night on ECW matchup. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Good for an ECW Title match on PPV, I guess. **1/4. Would've liked Chavo to have more matches with length as champion, but hey, can't get everything you want.
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After a video of some Edge/Rey stuff...we have Mike Adamle with Rey Mysterio. He talked about his torn bicep and whatnot, before Floyd Mayweather showed up. Pumped Rey up a bit.
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Next, we've got...THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER. This is the Smackdown version. Meaning, we've got MVP vs. The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh vs. Finlay vs. Batista vs. Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker vs. The Undertaker.
Blow-by-Blow: Batista and Taker will start the match. I'm not too enthused about this one, but it'll probably be okay. They slug it out, but Taker wins that battle by tossing Batista over the top, onto the steel which rests beside the ring. Batista hits Taker with a big boot to knock him in, then his clothesline gets a one count. Taker goes to a boot choke, then stomps away, before the Batista comeback. A Batista back elbow gets two, and then they both give each other a big boot, as the third entrant comes in...that being BIG DADDY V. V chops both of them, before giving Batista a clothesline and Taker a bodyslam. V gives Taker a samoan drop, before slamming Batista and knocking Taker outside of the Chamber. Yeah, seriously. I don't think that was supposed to happen. Anyway, V avalanches Taker at the steel siding, then does the same to Batista back in the ring. Batista responds with a spinebuster on the fatso, before clotheslining him over the top and onto the steel. Taker DDT's V on the steel floor, and V gets pinned by Batista at 9:08.
#4 enters, and that's the GREAT KHALI. He can't wrestle, you know. Taker tried to chokeslam Khali, but the big man stopped it and choketossed him for a two count. Khali clotheslined Batista for two, and applied the HEAD CRUSH.. No for the submission, because Batista broke it and SPEARED him. Taker boots Batista, and applies the GOGOPLATA on Khali at 12:38. Of course, Khali tapped.
Taker boots Batista, before covering him for two. Now #5 enters, and that's FINLAY. Taker boots him and whips him into the buckle, but Taker misses a charge to the corner. Finlay tosses Batista out, and hits the CELTIC CROSS on Taker, only getting a two count. Batista slingshots Finlay into the cage, but Taker clotheslines Batista for a two count. Finlay tosses Taker out, and rams him into the cage before another two count. Now he rams Taker into the glass on one of the individual pods, which knocks it out. Ouch. Batista rams Finlay into the post, before a muscle buster for two. MVP enters at #6, well, really, he doesn't want to enter. But Taker made him enter. Batista misses a charge at Taker, so MVP boots Batista, and then Taker. Got a two count. MVP takes a chain out of his bodysuit, and chokes Finlay with it...for a two count. MVP then punches away on Taker which also gets a two count, and it also made Taker bleed. MVP climbs on top of a pod to get away from Taker, but Taker CHOKESLAMS HIM DOWN TO THE CANVAS. Well, MVP's done. Finlay pins him at 22:30.
Taker misses an elbowdrop on Finlay, and soon after that happens, Hornswoggle's head appears in a space between the Chamber and the Ring. Ha! He tosses the shillelagh to Finlay, who hits Batista with it on a Batista Bomb attempt. BUT, Taker just chokeslams Finlay onto the steel at 24:12. He's gone, just like that.
Now that Batista's bleeding, I decided it's time to note that Michael Cole keeps talking about concrete. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Batista gives Taker the BATISTA BOMB, but it only gets a two count. After a 10 punch in the corner by Batista, Taker gives him a LAST RIDE. Like you didn't see that coming. I hate that spot so much now...cover got two, btw. Batista tosses Taker to the floor on a Taker TOMBSTONE attempt, and then, they fight. Batista torpedo's Taker into the cage once, but on the second try, they both fall backward and the ropes help reverse the hold into Taker's TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER position, bam, three count at 29:26. The Undertaker's goin' to WrestleMania!
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best, but the match had good enough action and quality highspots. All you could expect from some of the guys in this match, and Batista/Taker is always good. The match would've likely been junk had they not been the first two in. I'll go with **1/2.
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Edge is with his lackeys, he wants them to step it up tonight. BUT, Theodore Long comes in, and says that those two are banned from ringside. That's too bad!
After some footage of Maria and Ashley at the Playboy Mansion, we move on to...
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Mr. Kennedy vs. Ric Flair in a Career Threatening Match. If Flair loses, he retires.
Blow-by-Blow: We begin, with a Kennedy shoulderblock. Then, he mocks Flair by strutting. How rude. Flair chops away and struts himself, until Kennedy applies a headlock. Flair shoots him into the ropes and gives him a hiptoss, before chopping away a bit more. Kennedy dropkicks Flair in the knee, and applies a half-crab. Flair's selling is still good, but it's sad to watch him wrestle. Kennedy rams the leg into the apron, before applying one of my favorite moves...THE RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR! Kennedy covers Flair for two back on the inside, before applying the regular FIGURE-FOUR. I like that Lil Naitch is reffing this matchup. Flair makes it to the ropes, before Kennedy gives him a rolling fireman's carry slam for two. Flair chopblocks Kennedy after a few seconds of time wasting, then does another, before a FIGURE-FOUR attempt. No to that, as Kennedy pushes Flair into the corner before a rollup for 2. Old ass hangeth out. All the way out... Flair gives Kennedy a kneebreaker, but Kennedy rolls him up for two before something else could happen. Flair with the trip, Flair with the FIGURE-FOUR, and Kennedy taps at 7:14. Flair's got a microphone...limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin' son of a gun called the NATURE BOY. WOOO!
Match Analysis: Better than at the Rumble. Other than that, there's not a hell of a lot you can say. *1/2.
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Finlay's being iced down in the back, before Vince McMahon comes in. Vince's son is going to feel the pain when he faces Vince in a steel cage match on Monday Night RAW.
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Our first big title match is Rey Mysterio vs. Edge, for guess what, the World Heavyweight Title.
Blow-by-Blow: Rey starts with an armwringer and flying headscissors, before a solid kick to the head. Edge misses a charge, but boots Rey anyway, knocking him to the floor. After an Edge baseball slide, he tosses Rey into the steps. Back in and Edge puts Rey in tree of woe position, but slides nut first into the post on his dropkick attempt. A Rey moonsault block follows, as Edge misses a charge and gets DDT'd after a Rey dive off the top for a two count. Edge can't sunset flip Rey, so Rey knocks him into the ropes and gives Edge a 619. His arm hurts, so it takes him a while to springboard...INTO AN EDGE SPEAR. Cover, it's over, Edge retains his title at 5:27.
Match Analysis: Rey had one arm. 'Nuff said. At least he made the match watchable and didn't hurt himself any worse, as far as I know. *3/4.
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Here comes the Big Show...which was a surprise for those in attendance. He grabs a mic, says that he'll be champion again. To prove it, he's gonna attack Rey Mysterio. The guy's in a chokehold, as the camera pans over to Floyd Mayweather in the crowd. The entourage is holding him back, but eventually, Floyd hops the rail and we see both Floyd and Show in the ring. Show goes down to Floyd's size, so Floyd pops him in the nose. 1-2-3-4, then he tries to run out of the building, with Show giving chase. Floyd got away, but Show's face shows the aftermath. His nose is torn up, but for some reason, I've got a feeling that there was a blood capsule or something in his nose. That's way too much blood there. Good angle, obv. Shane McMahon tells Show that what he did wasn't a very good idea. Ya think?
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After Mike Adamle runs down this next match, it's John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: They lock-up to start, and Cena covers Orton for two after a takedown. We've got dueling chants, as Orton kicks away at Cena, but Cena comes back with a facebuster for a two count. A Cena back elbow also gets two, but Orton kicks and punches away to knock Cena down. Cena rolls Orton up for two, but Orton comes back with a quick clothesline that also gets two. Cena drops Orton along the top, and follows it up with his top rope standing legdrop, getting another two count. Cena misses a charge to the corner, so Orton chokes away until an F-U attempt. Orton elbows Cena in the head and gives him a European uppercut which breaks Cena's attempt, then stomps all over Cena's body. Mainly on his pec and leg...cover got two. Orton misses a kneedrop, but he goes right to the sleeper, which eventually turns into a chinlock, as you'd figure. Once Cena gets out, he shoulderblocks Orton, and gives him a spin-out powerbomb, leading to the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Orton bails out, leading the two to fight on the outside. They make it in at the count of NINE, and Orton gives Cena the inverted backbreaker he loves so much. Cover got two. Orton places Cena on top, only to be pushed off when he tries to follow. Cena misses his top rope standing legdrop, so Orton gets ready for the RKO. Nope, that's not gonna happen, because Cena just pushed him away and applied the STFU. Orton reaches the ropes and bails out, asking the referee to count him out, because his knee hurts. When Cena turns around, we've got an RKO on the floor. Faker. Cena breaks the count at 9 when getting back into the ring, so Orton punches the referee to get disqualified at 15:49. After the match, F-U, STFU, then Cena leaves.
Match Analysis: Good chickenshit heel move right there. Completely understandable, helped set the Mania main event up really well. We'll go with **3/4...I still have to punish the non-finish even though I liked it.
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HHH and HBK are in the back...HBK prematurely apologizes for what's about to happen inside of the Elimination Chamber.
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Of course, now's the time for the RAW Elimination Chamber. Which is...HHH vs. JBL vs. Shawn Michaels vs. UMAGA vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho.
Blow-by-Blow: Jericho and HBK will start things off. HBK shoulderblocks Jericho after a Jericho hammerlock, then they trade chops in the middle of the ring. HBK sunset flips Jericho for a two count, and after a pinfall reversal sequence, Jericho fires off a northern lights suplex for a two count. Shawn powers out to a backslide, but Jericho comes back with a clothesline and backbreaker. After shooting Shawn into the ropes, Jericho gets caught with a flying forearm, as HBK kips up...as usual. A Shawn inverted atomic drop is given to Jericho, but he misses the flying elbow off the top. Jericho with a facebuster, but misses the LIONSAULT. To the WALLS...but Shawn reverses and tries a SHARPSHOOTER. Nope to that as well, as Jericho rolls him up for two. After an elbowdrop and double collision, #3 enters. His name, UMAGA. Umaga hits both his opponents, tosses Jericho out, and clotheslines the both of them. He has Jericho up for a samoan drop, until Shawn jumps on top of UMAGA's shoulders. So instead, he samoan drops the both of them at once! Whoa. Umaga kicks Shawn out and headbutts Jericho, before following Shawn onto the steel and sitting on him. He now comes back in, gets the best after a slugfest with Jericho, but misses a flying headbutt off the second rope. Shawn elbowdrops Umaga from the top rope, and we get a KICKASS combination submssion move. Jericho's got the WALLS on Umaga, and Shawn's got the CROSSFACE on him. Yeah, awesome. #4 enters, that being JBL, which causes Jericho and Michaels to break the hold. Shawn's busted up pretty bad from the Jericho double collision earlier, which I decided to write down as JBL was giving Jericho a swinging neckbreaker. He puts the boots to Jericho, before giving him an elbowdrop for two. Umaga slams Shawn on the steel, while Jericho's giving JBL a swinging DDT, which gets a two count. JBL backdrops Jericho to the outside, as Umaga sends Shawn into the buckle and onto the steel. HHH comes in at #5, and goes right at Umaga. Knee to the face, before giving both Jericho and Umaga a spinebuster. He DDT's JBL for two, and when Umaga misses a charge on the outside, HHH tosses him into the glass on one of the pods. Jericho gives HHH a facebuster but misses the LIONSAULT, which leads JBL to give HHH the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. CODEBREAKER from Jericho on JBL, though, and JBL's out via pinfall at 13:45.
In response to his elimination, JBL brings in some chairs and hits everyone with them. Oh, except HHH. Funny how that works out. Jericho's bleeding now, as #6 enters. That's Jeff Hardy. He works over Umaga, before dropkicking Shawn and giving Jericho a front suplex. He launches off Jericho's back into Umaga with Poetry in Motion, before giving a Whisper in the Wind to the former DX members. Umaga superkicks Hardy to end his little run, before giving Jericho a catatonic. Heh. HHH winds up in tree of woe position, so Umaga launches Shawn into HHH, sending Shawn upside down and headfirst into HHH's nuts. Umaga charges HHH through the glass via his ass, then goes back in, only to be given SWEET CHIN MUSIC. CODEBREAKER, PEDIGREE, SWANTON OFF THE TOP OF A POD, and Umaga's gone after the Jericho pin at 19:45.
After SWEET CHIN MUSIC on Jericho, Hardy pins him at 19:54. That was fast.
TWIST OF FATE on Shawn, but HHH tosses Hardy out before the pinfall. Instead, HHH gets the pinfall on Shawn after a PEDIGREE, at 20:25.
We're down to HHH and Hardy. Good. HHH tosses Hardy over the top, but Hardy pushes HHH into the chamber and gives him a DDT on the steel, causing HHH to bleed. HHH tries a PEDIGREE on the outside, but Jeff backdrops HHH back into the ring. Hardy misses a SWANTON, so HHH PEDIGREES him. ONLY GETTING TWO. Surprised by that. HHH grabs one of JBL's chairs that was left behind, but Hardy gives him a lowblow. HHH reverses a TWIST OF FATE attempt, PEDIGREE, and it's all over at 23:55. HHH goes to WrestleMania! Show's over, of course.
Match Analysis: Not only was that the best match I've seen (emphasis on seen) from the WWE in 2008, that was the best PPV match I've seen from them since watching the current product on WWE 24/7. IMO, it was better than HHH/Orton in Last Man Standing, which was fantastic. Just watch the match if you don't believe me. Great drama which wasn't spoiled by knowing who was gonna win, great highspots, no drop in pacing...just great. ****1/2.
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Rating: Good. Originally, I had Orton/Cena rated a little bit higher than I should have, but I knocked it down a bit.
Best Segment: The RAW Elimination Chamber
Worst Segment: Flair/Kennedy. It's really too bad.
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I want to review SNME #31 and get it up by tomorrow afternoon, but I won't be able to. The US is playing England at Wembley, and I'm not going to miss that. I'll try to get it up tomorrow night so that I can move on to something else. I'm probably going to review the Nick Bockwinkel matches that get posted too, because those aren't going to be found elsewhere.
-Deep in the Woods (2000)-Eh, mostly uneventful about a group of artists hunted by a slasher. You've seen it before, and you've seen it done better.
-Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001)-Though more action than horror, this badass little entry was a hit in it's home country, and helped bring the new wave of French Horror. Basically, a dude and his Native American Friend (played by Mark Dacascos from that horrible Double Dragon movie) in 18th Century France must solve the mystery behind a group of killings caused by a beast (created by Jim Henson's Workshop).
-Trouble Every Day (2001)-Despite being about sex and cannibalism, and a cool score by The Tindersticks, this is really just a dull, pretentious art house flick that just happens to have graphic sex and gore.
-Irréversible (2002)- Ouch. The most brutal, unflinching tale of rape and revenge since I Spit on Your Grave contains an ugly bludgening and a 9 minute rape scene. The movie is told in backwards time (like Memento), but it still packs an ugly as hell punch.
-Bloody Mallory (2002)-Ugh. A bad Horror/Comedy about a group of Paranormal Fighters that fuck around for the hell of it. If the Anti-Catholic sentiment doesn't offend you, the sub par Troma level humor and bad Buffy rip-off of a plot will.
-In My Skin (2002)-A woman recieves a disfiguring accident, and becomes fascinated by the wound...and then things get uncomfortable. A really painful (not in the bad sense) movie about a woman's erotic obsession with self mutilation. As far as Artsy French horror goes, this is a a major step up from "Trouble Every Day."
-Maléfique (2002)-Four inmates sharing a cell find a book of the occult. As you can guess, things go bad. Gory, suspense filled movie just recently got a U.S. DVD release after several years of online hype.
-High Tension (2003)-The movie that helped define the current wave of violent but suspensful French Horror may have a dreadful twist, but it's still a great horror movie. An impressive debut that shows recent slashers like Hatchet how it's done.
-They Came Back (2004)-The dead have come back. Not to consume our flesh, but to live their lives again. Not gory, but still haunting, those expecting a straight forward zombie movie will be disappointed. Those looking for something different will be pleased.
-Sheitan (2006)-Watchable but mediocre tale of "Hostel" like antics (no, not torture) and satanism. The real reason to watch this is Vincent Cassel, who's a hoot.
-Them (2006)-No, not a remake of the legendary Giant Ant movie. Here, a couple in an isolated country home, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against hooded assailants. Not a gorefest, but a great suspense flick with plenty of tense moments.
-Frontier(s) (2007)-A group of protestors find themselvs in deep shit when they run into a family of Nazi cannibals. While hardly original, (echoes of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Descent, Hostel, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and other movies fill this sucker), it's still a fun little gorefest that actually got taken out of the "8 Fims to Die For" competition because of it's NC-17 rating.
-Inside (2007)-The best recent French horror movie so far (and the best horror movie of the year so far-it came to the U.S. in April) is an excellent blend of stomach churning gore and nail biting suspense. The premise is simple, but effective: A pregnant woman is terrorized in her house by a madwoman who wants what's inside of her. I won't say anything else. Just see it, you won't regret it.
As I said, I didn't rate or review the matches from the house show posted at the beginning of the month.
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Scott Casey vs. Tama is the first match, as Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.
- I'm not too excited about this match, so there's going to be an evident lack of words. Tama has rabies, cause he's foaming at the mouth. Literally!
- A Tama splash off the second rope finishes things via pinfall at 11:24. 1/2* for a matchup in which little effort was put forth.
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Tito Santana vs. Outlaw Ron Bass is next up...
- Tito attacks at the start, and then we see a wild brawl. The floor is really dirty, as you can see by the color of Tito's back, which is black. Bass' piledriver was funny, because Tito's head never came close to the canvas. Like, a foot away.
- We're going to the time limit. 19:49 is the end of the bout, after Tito knocks Bass to the floor with a flying forearm. We have a draw. Tito wanted 5 more minutes, but Bass said "no mas" and left. **1/2. Would've liked it more had there been a finish.
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Velvet McIntyre is taking on Sensational Sherri for the Ladies' Title.
- Sherri's entrance attire (cape and all) makes her look like a superhero. Just sayin'.
- The match isn't very good, as I figured. That's too bad. We get to see a giant swing, which keeps me happy. While not good, this is better than Casey/Tama. Sherri pins McIntyre after a back suplex at 14:24. *. You read right, 14 minutes for a ladies match. It'll be easier to explain why as this continues.
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Rick Martel vs. Haku w/Tama is right now...
- But we've got a bit of an argument here. Tito Santana joins us because he's got a problem with Tama being at ringside. So, Tama wants that dumb Mexican to leave. However, the referee wants BOTH Tama and Santana to leave. They do.
- Duke Doherty has joined us for commentary. Thankfully, he's nowhere near as bad as he was on that Houston show I reviewed a while back.
- Tama hits Martel with a steel chair, allowing Haku to pick up the victory at 9:18. **. A stretcher comes out, but Martel leaves without using it.
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Andre the Giant comes out, but doesn't get into the ring, because the fans were booing him. He then leaves.
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The lumberjacks are out, and they consist of almost everyone with matches on the show. Ok, not almost everyone, but many of them. Those guys are...Tito Santana, the Islanders, George Steele, Junkyard Dog, Jose Estrada, Lanny Poffo, Ron Bass and Scott Casey. A jobberific roster to be sure, which explains how the ladies match and so many others ran/run so long.
The match they're lumberjacking in is Ricky Steamboat vs. Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart for the Intercontinental Championship.
- The entrances were during the commercial break, which sucks. This is a good excuse to have Santana fight with the Islanders.
- Good stuff we have here. Steamboat goes for the end, but Jimmy Hart distracts the referee, so we don't have a pinfall. For some reason, George Steele came into the ring and counted the fall, so the referee's gotta send him out. While the referee is doing that, Steamboat hits Jimmy Hart, which leaves the megaphone in the ring. Honky waffles Steamboat with it, and we've got a victor via pinfall at 11:40. ***. After the bout, much like in most lumberjack matches, we've got a free for all. Noice. The o in that word was deliberate. Just say it out loud.
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After Gorilla Monsoon interviews Duke Doherty and I wonder why, I suddenly remember that intermission is usually after the real main event. So, we've got a few of these.
Next, with Superstar Billy Graham. I love his promo style.
A terrible promo with Butch Reed and Slic follows...
Last, Gorilla Monsoon is with the Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.
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Superstar Billy Graham vs. Butch Reed w/Slick is on...
- Graham's body looks like Hogan's circa 2002. Not in a good way. He can't take a flat-back bump, so he shouldn't be wrestling. As a result, the match sucks.
- Slick hits Graham with his cane, to end things at 8:58. -*. Both guys fight, until it gets broken up by Pat Patterson and Gorilla Monsoon. You read that last name right. On the way in, he elbowed Slick to the canvas. That was the only redeemable aspect of that situation. Both guys were DQ'd.
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Lanny Poffo vs. Jose Estrada is next...I fastforwarded. Poffo won.
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Our main event is...Demolition vs. The Junkyard Dog and George "the Animal" Steele.
- Ok, this is really going to suck. We all know it.
- The match could not possibly be slower. Steele hits Smash with a chair, getting his team disqualified at 6:10. At least it was short. DUD.
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Rating: Bad. Too many DUD'y matches.
Best Segment: Steamboat/Honky
Worst Segment: Graham vs. Reed.
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You see, this was the WWF's "B" roster. The "C" roster's show on the same day was headlined by...Paul Orndorff vs. Harley Race, and Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy. The "A" roster's show had matches like Ted DiBiase vs. Davey Boy Smith, The Hart Foundation vs. Kamala and Sika, and Hulk Hogan vs. Killer Khan. The roster was in need of strengthening. Thankfully, that would come soon after, with guys moving up the card, people like Rick Rude coming in, etc...
No Way Out 2008 review will be up before or on Tuesday.
6 p.m.
• Yawn.
Hmmm, maybe that is a good reason for her to stay in. Can you make a few more stops in California? Pretty please? Then again, between her and Osama, I think I would actually go with her. Jesus Chrst did I just say that?
• Why would Mikey be wowed? There's no food there. Then again, maybe that's what has him going into shock.
Not really looking forward to this, but like all other shows, I'll give it a shot. Card doesn't look so great.
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First match is Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam vs. The Dudley Boys.
Blow-by-Blow: Ok, that sounds weird. RVD and Bubba start, but the referee gets distracted so that D-Von can attack from behind. Good idea. D-Von rams RVD into the buckle before tagging in Bubba, who chokes away. RVD comes back with a spinning heel kick, and a dropkick, before sending Bubba to the corner for a monkey flip. D-Von gets backdropped and clotheslined over the top, so both guys follow them to the floor. RVD with a tope con hilo, Mysterio with a plancha. D-Von and RVD continue in the ring, with an RVD enziguri. Bubba gets hit on accident by D-Von, so to counter that, he pulls RVD over the top and to the floor. After ramming RVD into the table, he sends him back in, where D-Von gives him a jawbreaker. Bubba elbowdrops RVD in the nuts, which all of a sudden fires the WWE's resident pot smoker up. RVD kicks Bubba and gives him a leg trip, allowing him to tag in Rey for the first time. Mysterio flies in with a springboard seated senton, and a springboard crossbody, which gets two. Mysterio gives Bubba a flying headscissors, but when trying the west coast pop, Bubba just tosses him onto the top rope. Ouch. D-Von slams Mysterio and gives him a legdrop, which only gets two. After we go to the chinlock for a few seconds, D-Von gives Mysterio a flying back elbow. Bubba tags in and suplexes the little guy, before they switch and D-Von chokes Mysterio with his boot. Mysterio gives D-Von a bulldog, and RVD tags in...but the referee never saw the tag. Bubba gives Mysterio a spinebuster for two, and sends Mysterio into the corner, in tree of woe position. Mysterio gives Bubba a Diamond Cutter out of that (really), and a moonsault block, which gets two. Now he's able to tag in RVD, who's blazin', dog. A spinning heel kick gets two. D-Von misses a charge to the corner, allowing RVD to give him a springboard kick. Follow it with a ROLLING THUNDER, but only got a two count. Bubba backdrops Mysterio over the top and to the floor, giving the Dudleys a chance to do their headbutt off the top thing. But nope, D-Von got crotched. Mysterio gives Bubba a broncobuster, and hurricanrana's D-Von down from the top for a two count. Bubba tosses out Mysterio, but RVD kicks Bubba so that both he and D-Von are in 619 position. 619, FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH on D-Von, so RVD and Rey pick up the pinfall victory at 15:16.
Match Analysis: This was pretty good. You know, I'd really like to see the Dudley Boys back in the WWE if they could have matches like this with regularity. I guess that's what happens when you don't get stuck with matches against teams like Cade and Jindrak, La Resistance and the like. **1/2.
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We're in Booker T's lockerroom, where he talks about how he's too good for Smackdown, and also the voodoo he'll use to defeat the Undertaker later tonight.
Now we go back to the ring, as Luther Reigns is wheeling out a large platform. All of a sudden, Kurt Angle appears in the center, while sitting in the wheelchair. After making fun of this crowd and our teams, he says that it's Torrie Wilson's fault he's sitting in this wheelchair. As such, if she loses her match tonight, she'll be forced to retire.
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So, of course, Torrie Wilson's going to face Dawn Marie right now.
Blow-by-Blow: Both ladies lock up, but Torrie pushes Dawn down to the canvas. After an un-Perfect like neck snap, she gives Dawn Marie a dropkick for two. Torrie gives her a sunset flip for 2, and a few clotheslines before ramming her into the buckle. Torrie goes up top and misses a crossbody, which leads us to a REALLY, REALLY boring segment of the match. Dawn chokes Torrie and keeps her out of the ring in boring fashion for at least two minutes, before giving her a legdrop. Back in, Torrie gives her a neckbreaker, which gets two. On a rollup attempt by Torrie, Dawn's pants come off. HOLY BUTT. That's just a bit distracting. Dawn gives Torrie a facebuster for two, but after a bit of fighting, Torrie wins the match with a backslide at 6:14.
Match Analysis: I liked seeing Dawn's BUTT. Other than that, the match was brutal. Got no problems giving this a DUD, as it was one of the more boring matches I've watched in a while.
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JBL's in the back, thanking some immigrants out there for what they do. But not all of them, as he says that everyone in this country should speak English. Stuff like that!
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Scotty 2 Hotty comes out, and...you know what time it is. The debut of Mordecai! Those two will face off.
Blow-by-Blow: What a gimmick this Mordecai is. By what a gimmick, I mean, what the fuck was the WWE thinking? For some reason, I associate this with Kevin Sullivan. Mordecai tosses Scotty around, before choking him a whole lot. After ramming Scotty into the post, back to the choke we go. A running boot follows, so Scotty decides he had better get some offense in. After a superkick and facebuster, he looks to do the WORM. But Mordecai tosses Scotty into the second rope. Clothesline, Razor's Edge, match over at 3:02. What a huge victory for this debuting youngster.
Match Analysis: 1/2* for the Razor's Edge. Glad this gimmick was ditched in short fashion. Super dumb.
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Chavo Guerrero and Chavo Classic are in the back, as Jacqueline is giving Chavo Jr. a present. It's a bra and panties! That's cause Chavo's going to be in need of them after being beaten by a woman or something. Chavo Classic checks the sizes as Chavo Jr. and Jackie talk...I laughed.
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Next up, we have Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly facing Rico and Charlie Haas w/Miss Jackie for the WWE Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: I like Rico. He's a funny guy. He grabs BUTT, which makes both opponents bail. Haas and Holly start, with a Haas fireman's carry. He trips Holly, but Holly responds with a shoulderblock. When trying another shoulderblock, Haas gives him an armdrag and tags in Rico. Rico goes behind...which brings Gunn in. Rico wanted to place a kiss on his lips, but Gunn ran away. Rico then grabs Gunn's BUTT to break a headlock, before riding Gunn like a rose and making him act like he was going to suck Rico's dick. Seriously. Haas now tags in, and Holly hits him, letting Gunn get a cover for two. Holly gives Haas a suplex for two, before tagging in Gunn, who rams Haas into the buckle. Holly's back in, and to the chinlock he goes. A sign in the crowd says that this match is a DUD. I don't agree, but it's close! Holly gives Haas a dropkick, and that nutshot of his at the ropes. Ouch? We move forward to a Holly slam, but when he comes off the top, he eats Haas' boot. Rico makes the hot tag, and he's flaming. I tried to go along with the blazin' thing from the RVD match, ya know? After a Rico inverted atomic drop, Haas comes in, only for Rico to be given the FAMEASSER. Haas gives Gunn a GERMAN SUPLEX in response, which brings Holly in. Haas tries a sunset flip, but Holly won't go down, so Rico superkicks Holly, allowing Haas to get the pinfall win at 10:27.
Match Analysis: The only thing really redeeming about the match was the comedy. Seeing as I thought it was funny, I'll go with *...but I'll also say, if someone says this is the dumbest shit they've ever seen, I wouldn't argue with them. Humor is subjective.
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Part #2 begins, and after a promo with Paul Bearer and the Undertaker, we have Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Bring back Chavo Classic plz. Anyway, Chavo has to wrestle with one arm tied behind his back. Chavo gives Jackie three backbreakers, showing his dominance. Jackie replies with a headscissors, which takes Chavo to the apron. Jackie jumps on Chavo's back, but he backs up into the corner. Jackie kicks him for two, before knocking Classic down from the apron. A Jackie lowblow and sunset flip get two, so Chavo Jr. bails. Classic goes up behind him, and oh, he untied Chavo Jr's hand. Chavo needs to act like the hand is still tied up, so he does, of course. Chavo clotheslines Jackie pretty hard, then as Chavo Classic distracts, he gives Jackie a GORY BOMB. The cover gets three at 4:45. After the match, Chavo grabs a microphone, and says that everyone shouldn't have laughed at him. Then Chavo Classic kicks Jackie in the gut, before they leave.
Match Analysis: What was this, exactly? Boy, some of the stuff on this PPV is really retarded. I'll go with 1/2*. I don't understand why this stuff can't be on Smackdown and why Chavo couldn't face an actual cruiserweight. But whatever.
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Rene Dupree is up against...John Cena, for the United States Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Cena wears a James Worthy(!) jersey to the ring, before rapping. Bring that back, plz. They lock-up, but a Cena punch to Dupree makes him bail out. Cena gives Dupree a Thesz Press, before some knees and a backdrop. A clothesline sends Dupree out, so Cena gives him a headbutt. Dupree rams Cena into the post, before a few kicks and punches. In we go, and Dupree gives Cena a backbreaker for two. Dupree applies a bearhug, but Cena gives him a jawbreaker to end the hold. Cena follows it up with a gutshot, and a clothesline. Sidewalk slam, and Cena tries the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE...but he misses. Dupree gives Cena a chokeslam, and dances, before trying an elbowdrop. It misses. Dupree gives Cena a DDT, and then tries a rollup. But instead, Cena tries an F-U, but a Dupree neckbreaker gets two. Cena gives Dupree a backdrop, and sits down on Dupree during a sunset flip attempt for another two count. A backslide gets two, then Dupree misses a charge to the corner, so we've got an F-U for the pinfall at 9:56. Cena gives away the Worthy jersey after the match...pick me!
Match Analysis: This was far better than I expected. Was surprised to see very little restholds, and rather quick spots. Didn't think Dupree had it in him. We'll go with *** as the rating for this match.
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After a Kenzo Suzuki (ha) vignette, we move forward to Booker T vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer.
Blow-by-Blow: After a lock-up, both trade punches, until a Booker kick does nothing. Then Taker gives him a clothesline, before ramming him into the buckle and shoulder-charging into him a few times. After a Taker sidewalk slam, a big legdrop follows for a two count. Taker sends Booker over the top with a clothesline, but back in, a Booker missile dropkick got a two count. After some Booker rights, Booker goes over to his bag of dust in the corner. Yeah, the voodoo shit. Taker punches away, and it's time for OLD SCHOOL. After a DOWNWARD SPIRAL from the Deadman, he goes for the LAST RIDE. But, Booker gets out of it and flies into the official. So, we've got a ref bump. After he throws dirt into Taker's eye, nothing really happens, because Taker no-sold it. Taker gives Booker an avalanche, but misses a charge to the corner, leading Booker to go to work on the knee. Booker rams Taker's leg into the post before doing the same into the steps, then gives Taker a harlem sidekick, for a two count. Taker punches away, but Booker gives Taker a nice scissors kick, which also gets two. Taker sits up, big boot, CHOKESLAM, TOMBSTONE, all over at 11:27. Just like that.
Match Analysis: Wasn't the best, but still acceptable. Fits right in with the "what are they doing" aspect, because really, what's up with this voodoo stuff? While acceptable, less than pleasing. *3/4. Of course, at the Great American Bash, Taker would move on to pouring cement on Paul Bearer, and Booker moved onto the Best of 5 thing with John Cena. Was that any good? I wasn't watching then.
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Finally, after a whole bunch of trash on this card, we've got John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guerrero for the WWE Championship. Remember, JBL made Eddie's mom have a heart attack.
Blow-by-Blow: JBL's promo before the match is pretty offensive. I'm not offended, but I'm sure someone out there was. Anyway, Eddie comes right into the ring and punches away at JBL, before sending him into the steel steps. Next, Eddie rams JBL into the ringpost, and then the announce table. He chokes away with a TV cord, and after a few rights, JBL decides to leave. Eddie jumps JBL in the aisle, and assualts him, to end that thought. Back towards the ring, JBL sends Eddie into the steel steps. Ouch. In we go, and we've got a JBL big boot. An elbowdrop gets two, so JBL goes to the knees and chops. After whipping Eddie hard into the buckle, JBL takes him over with a headlock. A shoulderblock follows, and we go back to the headlock. Another shoulderblock follows, but Eddie armdrags the challenger twice, taking him out of the ring. Eddie flies out with a pescado, but JBL catches him on the way down and gives him a fallaway slam. On the floor. Eddie charges at JBL after some chops, but JBL backdrops him onto the Spanish announce table. JBL gives Eddie a neckbreaker on the inside for two, and then a reverse backdrop. You know, a backdrop where the guy lands on his stomach. Got two. To a bearhug we go, but Eddie quickly whips JBL into the buckle. Dropkick...and the THREE AMIGOS come shortly after, except there are only two of them. Instead, JBL tried a powerbomb, only to have it reversed into a move that caused the referee to get knocked out. Eddie backdrops JBL over the top rope, and tells the announcers to get out of the way. He slides JBL across the announce table, but JBL gets up and whacks Eddie in the head with a chair. Wow, we call that tapping an artery. Eddie is just GUSHING blood. JBL picks up the steel steps and hits Eddie with them, before giving him the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL back inside the ring. Referee is still out, but another referee counts the fall...but we only saw two. Eddie drop-toe holds JBL into our new ref, so when JBL gives Eddie a big boot and powerbomb, that referee isn't there to count. But the original one is, and he counts two. To a sleeper JBL goes, as you can see Eddie wearing, literally, a crimson mask. Now that I've seen this match, this is going to be one of the lasting moments I have of Eddie. Eddie reverses the sleeper into a back suplex, and he also reverses JBL's fallaway slam into a DDT. Picking up momentum...but he misses the FROG SPLASH. Bradshaw grabs the WWE Title and a steel chair, but hands the chair to the referee. What's that about? Oh wait, he was getting the referee to put the chair back, for distraction. But, Eddie kicks him in the nuts, and hits him with the WWE Title for the disqualification at 23:12. I think I can forgive that one. After the match, Eddie just beats the shit out of JBL. Figuratively speaking. Chairshots all over the place make JBL bleed, then he hits the FROG SPLASH on his second attempt. JBL tried to leave, but Eddie jumps him and punches away at him in the aisle. INTENSE! To break things up, Arn Anderson and Dean Malenko(!) among others come out, ending the show.
Match Analysis: Wow, that was pretty good. About just as good as everyone makes it out to be. Not saying it was the best match ever or anything, but I was still pleasantly surprised. Eddie can have a good match with anyone. Had everything, that being good wrestling, blood, and viciousness. I'm still going to take a bit off of the rating, so we've got a ***3/4 match here.
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Rating: Bad. I can try to convince myself that it isn't, but that would be kinda hard. We've got three, maybe four matches someone could've called a DUD. I can't ignore that. It's not like our midcard action was on fire. Honestly, I would never have ordered this card, even though I really liked Eddie Guerrero. Most of the matchups are trash. All but the last two matches could've and should've been on Smackdown.
Best Segment: Eddie/JBL post-match beatdown. Yeah.
Worst Segment: Scotty 2 Hotty/Mordecai squash. While Torrie/Dawn Marie was bad, we got BUTT. I love BUTT.
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As usual, I didn't rate and take notes on the early 1980's MSG show. So the next review will just have the one from 8/22/1987, and that should be up on Saturday. I'll do No Way Out 2008: Elimination Chambers Galore after that.
