Nitro is from Orlando, Florida. Don't forget, Bash at the Beach was the night before this show. At that show, a man dressed as Sting attacked Lex Luger and The Giant. That man was clearly Kevin Nash. I'll also point out that this show is the debut of the Nitro Girls. Also know that I will never reference their segments again, unless someone's tit pops out, or an angle occurs during said segment.
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Anyway, our first match is Alex Wright vs. Prince Iaukea.
- Pre-recorded comments from Wright, basically about how WCW has used his racial background against him.
- After about a minute and a half, THE GIANT makes his way into the ring. He gives the referee a CHOKESLAM, Iaukea a CHOKESLAM, then five or so security guys a CHOKESLAM, but not Wright. Wright left. The Giant wants Kevin Nash, right now. He knows it was Nash who hit him with a baseball bat. That's all.
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Next up, Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr..
- Family feud! Yeah, I really love this...everyone who's able to needs to watch this. Chavo went for the frog splash, but he ate Eddie's knees on the way down. Powerbomb and a frog splash gives Eddie the victory at 4:15. **1/2. After the match, Eddie gives Chavo ANOTHER FROG SPLASH, which brings HECTOR Guerrero down to the ring. Eddie pushes him to the canvas and leaves...furthering this dickish heel run. Love it.
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Mean Gene is with DDP, who talks about how alike he and Curt Hennig are, and that's why he wanted Hennig to be his tag team partner at Bash at the Beach. They lost to Scott Hall and Randy Savage, btw. After the commercial, Mean Gene calls Harlem Heat out, for an interview. They're going to face the Outsiders later on in a non-title match, and they want to make it a street fight.
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We've got Vicious and Delicious facing The Steiner Brothers...
- Yes, this matchup sounds good. At least to me. WCW is in this "we put good matches on TV phase," which I'm in favor of. None of these are money drawing matches, so hey. We cut to the back, as...Konnan has arrived in a limo. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. There's some evil guys with him too, just guess who.
- Masa Chono and the Great Muta come out after a bunch of Scott Steiner suplexes, getting their fellow NWO members disqualified at 6:46. Aw, darn. Scott and Rick fight them off, because they're fighting for the WCW, guys. **1/4.
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Mean Gene's talking about Raven and Stevie Richards, because he talked to them at the PPV last night. Here's Raven again, who says that the only announcement he has, is, well, that there isn't one. Nice. Richards is there too, and Raven abuses him, before the camera cuts away.
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Super Calo vs. La Parka is next.
- I believe this is the real La Parka. Regardless, Savage attacks both of these guys, leading to a no contest after 46 seconds. After a bit of beating La Parka up and trying to steal his mask, DDP comes into the ring from out of the crowd. Now into the ring comes Curt Hennig, who decks DDP WITH A TAPED FIST. My brain went dead about them facing each other at Road Wild, so I was genuinely surprised. Yeah, that's a ten year old spoiler. Savage gives Page the FLYING ELBOW, so this battle is one that Savage wins.
Mean Gene is now with Curt Hennig, who says that he is NOTHING like DDP. He says that DDP is the biggest mark in the business. Ouch. Ric Flair comes out, because he wants Hennig to join the Four Horsemen. And party. Hennig's not so sure about the latter, not at all.
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Hour #2 begins, with On the Road...
After, the NWO comes to the ring. Nash is in a wheelchair, so we aren't going to get that big tag match with the Outsiders and Harlem Heat later. Boo. He's here to announce that Konnan has joined the New World Order. Well, duh! And Nash's back hurts. That too.
Harlem Heat are now taking on Scott Hall and Syxx, in what really isn't a streetfight.
- The Heat aren't getting a title shot, so they've got nothing to lose. I suppose that's a good thing for them. The match is kinda boring, which is really too bad. I was expecting it not to be. Nash teases being able to stand throughout the match...until he does, and clotheslines Booker when standing on the ring apron, as the referee's dealing with some stuff outside the ring. Scott Hall picks Booker up, OUTSIDERS EDGE, and the pinfall victory for his team at 9:00. *3/4.
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Masa Chono and The Great Muta w/Vincent are taking on the Public Enemy.
- Go NWO. I really don't like Public Enemy.
- Someone knocked on the door, so I don't have the time. So you know. Bobby Heenan says that Muta's explosiveness reminds him of Chris Benoit. Insert comment here. The match isn't good, but I should mention that it's not just the PE's fault. After about four or five minutes, Muta MISTS Grunge, and Chono gives Grunge a YAKUZA kick for the pinfall victory. *.
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Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett w/Debra is our US Title match on the night...
- Oh darn, Jarrett has a tough title defense. But I'm fine with that! This is one of those matches you could've put on PPV, but why? For a non-finish? Debra begins to cut a promo during the middle of a very good match, until Mongo comes down to the ring. Flair has Jarrett in the FIGURE-FOUR and about to win the title, but Mongo stomps on Jarrett, getting Flair DQ'd at 5:25. Now, Chris Benoit comes to the ring, and they all work over Jarrett. Poor guy. **3/4. Eventually Jarrett gets out of the ring and leaves.
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Mean Gene is interviewing Lex Luger. Top babyface, Lex Luger. Don't forget that. He says that Dennis Rodman should stick to basketball, not only that, but he wants to face Hogan for the WCW Title at Road Wild. You know, Hogan hasn't defended that title on PPV since SuperBrawl. That was five months ago! Luger making that challenge brought the NWO out, who decide to surround the ring. Oh, there's another fake Sting, too. Clearly.
OH WHAT THE FUCK. The guy pulled off his costume, and it was the REAL STING. Legit surprise. With Sting and Luger in the ring, that's how we end the show.
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Should I have said, that's how we end a great show? Because this show really was great, save the bait and switch thing with the Outsiders and Harlem Heat. Best segment for me was the continuation of Eddie's heel tactics, and the worst was all the Nitro Girl stuff. I like looking at them, but it's a waste of time, honestly.
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RAW is from San Antonio, Texas. You know, Shawn Michaels' hometown.
To start the show, The Hart Foundation make their way out, to a chorus of boos. They're basically running down the SummerSlam card, so there's not much to see. That goes on for a bit, until Steve Austin comes out to stand on the entrance ramp. And there's Ken Shamrock! And the Patriot! Psycho Sid! Shawn Michaels! Which one of those is Austin's tag team partner for later on?
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The first match up for public consumption is Jerry Lawler and Brian Christopher vs. Scott and Ivan Putski.
- Yes, I just said that Scott Putski was teaming up with his father. Ivan Putski is from San Antonio, so it makes sense. The sons carry the match, thankfully. Ivan makes the hot tag, and gives Lawler the POLISH HAMMER for the pinfall victory at 4:56. *1/2, not really that bad for a match with two old guys involved.
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Mankind's in the back, but he's just sitting there. After Paul Bearer cuts a promo on the Undertaker, we have....
Tajiri Yoshihiro vs. Taka Michinoku.
- First, Tajiri is not dressed as you'd picture him. Second, he wrestles a style that was almost a complete surprise to me. I liked it. Even still, it isn't good enough to get the victory. After a fun 4 minutes and ten seconds, a Michinoku Driver gets Taka the win. Match was fun, featured lots of aerial stuff and some Tajiri kicks. **1/2.
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Ken Shamrock is in the back, and he says that he isn't Steve Austin's tag team partner. Thank God for that. Los Boricuas arrived in a LOWRIDER, thought I should share. Last, there's a hype video for a SummerSlam highlight show after RAW. Most of the names mentioned in the video package were employed by WCW. I found that sorta odd.
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The Headbangers are facing Miguel and Jose of Los Boricuas in the second tag team match of the show.
- Both of these teams suck, and even worse, Miguel of Los Boricuas has disgusting body hair. Ew.
- Miguel rolls Thrasher up at 4:24 for the victory, *. After the match, the rest of Los Boricuas beat the Headbangers up, until the Disciples of Apocalypse come to the ring. Whites vs. Browns!
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The Patriot is in the back, and he says that he isn't here to be Austin's tag team partner. He's here to stand up for his country.
Once he's done talking, Vince McMahon calls out Shawn Michaels. Shawn just wants to be a part of SummerSlam. Oh, he'd be a part of it.
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We're in the WARZONE, and hey, there's been an accident in the back. That's what Savio Vega says. We now go to the back, and, whoa, there's some motorcycles. One of the Boricuas is smashing the shit out of one, until DOA showed up. DOA kicked their asses, so the Boricuas left in their lowrider. DOA chased them with their motorcycles, and yeah. What a way to start the second hour.
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Jim Neidhart vs. Ken Shamrock is next....
- Finish him with an armbar! I don't know why I said that.
- This really, really sucks. I've got no problem giving it a DUD. Shamrock finishes the Anvil with a sleeper at 4:41. Ha, I was pretty close when I said armbar. After the match, the British Bulldog comes to the ring, and with the help of Neidhart, gives Shamrock a spike piledriver. The Patriot then runs down to the ring, and clears house, to save Shamrock.
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The SummerSlam contest clue is "life." Yeah.
The next match is the New Blackjacks vs. The Legion of Doom.
- Poor Barry Windham, jobbing all the time. Oh, wait! The Godwinns run down the aisle, to attack LOD. Hawk gets slop dropped on the ramp, causing the back of his head to bleed. Then the Godwinns leave. Unfortunately, the match has been canceled. Oh well.
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Flash Funk is taking on Vader, in the match occuring prior to the main event.
- Poor Scorpio, reduced to enhancement talent. This is a big squash at the beginning, but it evens out and becomes competitive midway through. Vader finishes Funk off with a powerbomb, at 4:11. *3/4. After the match, Vader gives Funk a VADERBOMB.
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Austin cuts a promo prior to this, in which he says that he doesn't care about any potential partners. He doesn't want one. Of course, now is the time for Owen Hart and The British Bulldog vs. Steve Austin, for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
- Austin runs right in, and attacks his opponents. By himself, hence my only listing him as part of this match. Who's that guy with the quick feet on screen before the commercial?
- Well, Austin can carry a tag match all by himself.....WHOA. Look on the TitanTron. It's some cool cat with shades and a bandana. DUDE LOVE! Dude came down the ramp, only to be attacked by Owen after the initial freakout period for all involved. Finally Love tags in, and applies the MANDIBLE CLAW to Bulldog. Owen flies off the top with a missile dropkick, breaking the hold. Austin runs in as the referee is distracted, STUNNER, and we've got new champions at 7:39. Oh yeah. ***1/2, a lot of that for the surprise. I love surprises. Love gives Austin his belt, as a present, I guess. Here come some women, cause Love is a P-I-M-P. Austin gives Love back his tag belt, shakes his hand, and leaves. Love dances, to end the show.
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Rating is good, best segment was definitely the main event, and the worst was Shamrock vs. Neidhart. This was not better than Nitro.
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Clash XXXV is next.
7 p.m.
• Yeah, baby. I just checked my bank account today and my $1200 tax rebate check got deposited a few days ago. Now I'm going to go and...
...not do a damn thing with it.
8:30 p.m.
• Remember last season when the Pirates TRADED for THIS?
Well, guess what.
Stabilize a young rotation? So that's what the company line is for this? And people wonder why I don't bother with this team. That may change sometime this year if my friend from Ohio visits and wants to take in a Bucs game. Fuck.
My most-trusted adviser informs me that this topic would fail in the Sports folder. Ergo, it will be relegated to the blog.
Xavier Cromartie, volleyball player
Positives
A fantastic defender... Outstanding reflexes... Gives 100% effort... Tremendously competitive... Smart player... Understands defensive positioning and angles... Good footwork... Anticipates where the ball will go... Sacrifices his body for saves... Has excellent stamina... Very fast and agile... Can get to almost any ball... Makes saves in unorthodox situations and positions... Fearless against incoming attacks... Reliable passer... Dangerous server... Plays well under pressure... Has won at the small-college level... Distributes the ball well... Good back-setter... Almost never gives up the opponent's winning point... No injury history... Studies and is willing to make changes... Recognizes when his teammates need him to take control of the game... Experienced... Has fairly good timing... Won't quit... Knows obscure rules and takes advantage of them... Confident... Has a biological advantage because of his nutritional knowledge... Lots of upside.
Negatives
Needs to improve vertical jump... Upper body is still a work-in-progress... Effective but inconsistent blocker... Tends to make unnecessarily risky serves... Gets frustrated by mistakes... Needs to control spikes better... Favors the amazing play to the safe play too often... Not familiar with all formations... Sets have room for improvement... Does not always communicate... Has some trouble with pancake saves... May be distracted by female players' uniforms.
Notes
A prototypical libero... A southpaw.
Going to be a lot of hindsight thinking in this review...
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First match up on this is Ric Flair vs. MVP.
Blow-by-Blow: Flair's last MSG performance...he gets on the mic, thanks the fans, and MVP interrupts. Here we go. MVP takes Flair to the canvas, cause he's BALLIN! Ok, now Flair applies a hammerlock, before giving MVP a shoulderblock. Flair tries that again, and MVP drop-toe holds him down to the canvas. A big boot and neckbreaker get a one count for MVP, so MVP goes to the chinlock, while having the arm barred. MVP misses a charge to the corner, so Flair tries a FIGURE-FOUR...but he can't get it applied. Instead, he gives MVP an atomic drop, but MVP cradles him for 2 on the next attempted move. MVP gives Flair a backdrop, and a running big boot for a 2 count. The two count was because Flair's foot on the ropes. Had the referee not noticed, Flair would've been forced to retire. An MVP clothesline gets a two count, and so does a double underhook suplex. Now MVP places Flair up top for a superplex, but it only gets a 2 count. Double collision now, and once Flair gets up, we get two counts from a small package and a backslide. MVP tries the PLAYMAKER after a knee to the face, but Flair reverses, FIGURE-FOUR, MVP taps out at 7:49. And Flair kisses MSG goodbye...
Match Analysis: Not visually pleasing, to say the least. It really sucked. Saddening to see one of my favorites performing so poorly, but hey, that's life. I'll give it *1/4, and when I watched this one live, first thing I thought was wow, it's probably a good thing that Flair's career is going to end.
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Mike Adamle talks for a bit, and then, we have the hype video for Chris Jericho vs. JBL. Which is now.
Blow-by-Blow: The referee won't let them fight at the start, but that ends when JBL hits Jericho in the back with some clubbing blows. Jericho jumps on top of JBL and punches away, but JBL tosses him out. Jericho comes right back in and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but JBL reaches the ropes. After Jericho gives JBL a baseball slide and rams him into the retaining wall, he rams JBL into the steps. Back in, and JBL gives Jericho a hotshot, so he can regain control. After a lariat, JBL takes Jericho to the ropes to choke him, at least until applying a sleeper. A JBL big boot follows, then he rams Jericho shoulder-first into the ringpost. Well, Jericho's bleeding now. Bradshaw kicks away as Jericho's gushing, but Jericho responds with a clothesline. The botched lionsault is cut out, so we see the LIONSAULT that landed, to a mock cheer. Um...now the fans that haven't seen the show before don't know what that's all about. Which is dumb. Anyway, Jericho clotheslines JBL over the top, and hits him with a steel chair for the disqualification at 9:19. Jericho now has a cord, which he uses to hang JBL with, much like JBL did to him on RAW. Which was great.
Match Analysis: A new side of Jericho was shown in this match, but they went right back to the old one soon after. I'm not really a fan of that decision, because I'm very much in favor of character depth. Who's not? Match was **...not really done at the best time, and not done right in the first place. Had they done this at a non-Rumble show, there definitely would've been more time.
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Ashley knocks on Maria's door in a little time waster segment, and hey, SANTINO MARELLA opens it. YES! He says Maria's not interested in Ashley's boobie magazine. The end.
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After a hype video, we now have Rey Mysterio vs. Edge w/Vickie Guerrero and his team of buddies for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: I found it funny to see Rey get booed. I've got a feeling that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Anyway, Rey gives Edge a hurricanrana at the start, and a dropkick, which gets a one count. Edge chokes Rey at the ropes and tosses him out...so his lackeys make their way over to beat on Mysterio. BUT, the referee tosses them out of the building, so that's not going to happen. Rey comes in with a flying headscissors to take Edge out of the ring, and a PESCADO. Back in now, with a Rey seated senton for a 2 count. Rey springs onto the second rope, but Edge kicks him in the knee, knocking him to the canvas. Edge applies a half-crab on the knee, before giving Rey a powerslam for a two count. Back to the leg, but Rey builds up some momentum and gives Edge a bulldog for two. Before Rey's attack, there was a lengthy dead period in the match. Just saying. After Edge misses a charge at Rey, Rey responds with a seated senton, which gets a two count. Rey comes off the top with a double stomp(!), but it only gets a two count. Rey rana's Edge to the floor now, and follows that with a DDT, which gets a two count when they get back in the ring. Edge responds with a big boot, but he misses a SPEAR. Rey puts Edge's face on the second rope, dial it up, 619, but a splash from up top does not get the victory, because Vickie Guerrero grabbed the official. Hey, she's the GM. She can do that if she wants. Rey tries to give Edge another 619, but Vickie jumps onto the apron and takes the hit, so now when Rey springboards in, Edge is ready to finish. SPEAR on the springboard, and Edge retains via pinfall at 12:34. Poor Vickie has to be wheeled out in her wheelchair...she's hurt, you see.
Match Analysis: Would've been very good if not for the dead period in the middle of the match, but hey, there was a dead period, so that's how I have to judge it. I know that in the past both could've had a great match against one another, but I don't know if Rey is capable of those things anymore. This was just average, but the finishing sequence was really fun. **1/2.
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We go to the lockerroom now, as Ric Flair's coming out of the shower. Thankfully, wearing a towel. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy's in the room, and he says that he wants to retire Flair. Here's HBK, planting seeds asnd all that. He and Flair say that Kennedy ain't goin' anywhere with that gimmick. Now, here's Batista. Like I said, planting seeds. There's HHH too! HBK wants those two to settle down, because the guy that's going to win the Royal Rumble is the one currently wearing the HBK shirt that you can find on WWE.Com. Hey!
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We've got one more segment before our big match though, which is Maria's KISS CAM. YAY! Yeah, we see people kissing and all that, until Ashley comes out. She wants to talk about Playboy, which naturally brings out Santino Marella. He runs down New York City quite well, and then brings his special guest into the ring. That fat dude who dances while wearing a speedo. Ugh.
WrestleMania XXIV promo, and then, Mike Adamle calls Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Unfortunately, that moment has been edited out.
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Now, it's time for the match that was, well, as big a draw as a singles match at the Rumble could possibly be. And that is Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: After the lock-up, Jeff takes Orton down with a shoulderblock, and then with a headlock. An inverted atomic drop followed by a legdrop to the nuts gets a two count for Jeff, but Orton gains some semblance of control by ramming Jeff into the buckle. Unfortunately, Jeff comes right back by clotheslining Orton over the top rope, and then baseball sliding him hard into the retaining wall at ringside. We call that a concussion. Anyway, Jeff follows Orton to the floor with a pescado, which causes Orton to rethink his gameplan. He'll just leave. He takes his belt and begins to walk away, but Hardy stops him and rams his face into the announce table. Orton gets tossed back in, but on Jeff's springboard attempt, Jeff gets dropkicked by Orton, which knocks him down to the floor. Orton suplexes Jeff on the outside, then in we go, for a two count. Orton's kneedrops also get a two count, and after both men trade blows, Jeff sends Orton to the outside. Jeff clotheslines Orton from the apron, but the eventual cover only gets a two count. Jeff misses a charge to the corner on the inside, but that only gets a two count for Orton. Now, we go to the chinlock. Of course, Orton's the one applying it. An Orton powerslam gets a two count, then back to the chinlock we go. Now we head towards the end, but we're not at the end, as Jeff is doing the usual offense that occurs when a guy gets out of a chinlock. Clotheslines and back elbows, but then a WHISPER IN THE WIND, which only gets 2. An enziguri is delivered to the head of Orton, and then, Jeff goes up top. Nope to the SWANTON, instead, Jeff missile dropkicks Orton, who's standing on the ring apron. That knocks him to the floor. A moonsault by Jeff to Orton on the floor barely even hits Orton, and now, both men go into the ring, slowly. Jeff tries the TWIST OF FATE, BAM, RKO instead, Orton with the pinfall victory at 14:06. Courtesy applause for Jeff...yeah yeah yeah.
Match Analysis: Finish wasn't the best...like I said before, I hate out of nowhere finishes. The rest of the match was average, definitely nothing you'd expect from main event level guys. Quite clearly, it was best that Jeff didn't go over. Smart thinking from WWE on that issue. **1/2.
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It is now time for the ROYAL RUMBLE!
Blow-by-Blow: Yeah, it was pretty cool that Michael Buffer intro'd the thing, but I've seen him in person. No big deal. #1 is...THE UNDERTAKER. Big surprise, when watching it live. And #2 is SHAWN MICHAELS. YES! Shawn bumping around for Taker is always fun, and this doesn't disappoint. #3 is Santino Marella! He does some funny stuff, and after being kicked in the mouth, the Undertaker tosses him over the top and to the floor at 2:05. #4 is the Great Khali, who comes into the ring, only to be taunted with chants of "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" from the MSG faithful. Thankfully, Taker gets rid of him too, at 4:43. #5 is Hardcore Holly, who proceeds to break Shawn Michaels nose. In return, Taker beats him up for ten minutes or so. I thought that was funny when watching it live...thinking that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence that Taker was so involved with someone so low on the card for so long. Also, Bob Holly's been in the WWE for fourteen years. Think about that for a second. Or not. Anyway, #6 is John Morrison. It sucked how the rest of the announcers cut Joey Styles off during the story he was going to tell about Morrison...really sucked. Anyway, Tommy Dreamer is #7, and some people mark out. But not me. #8 is Batista, who throws Dreamer out at 10:10. Well that didn't last long. #9 is Hornswoggle, who hides under the ring. He doesn't want any of that. Our #10 entrant Chuck Palumbo comes out, and does nothing, until Jamie Noble comes in at #11. Chuck kicks Noble out at 14:52, causing Noble to need help in order to get to the back. #12 is CM Punk, who knees Chuck out at 16:34. Thankfully. At #13 we have Cody Rhodes, and at #14, it's UMAGA. He SAMOAN SPIKES Holly out of the ring at 18:52, and then, our number 15 entrant, Snitsky, makes his way to the ring. #16 is the Miz and #17 is Shelton Benjamin, as clearly, there was a bit of a dead period. But at the same time, the intervals are only a bit longer than a minute, so I couldn't write down much in such a short time. Of course, when Shelton entered, he did some cool shit. Like leaping onto the top rope and dropping two opponents throat first onto said top rope. Why in the world doesn't WWE give this guy a push? Shawn superkicks him, which puts Shelton out at 23:07. Now, we've got our first surprise entrant. JIMMY SNUKA, #18! I marked like crazy. After Snuka hits everyone, #19 comes out. And that's ROWDY RODDY PIPER. Then I marked even more crazy! A Rumble moment to last for a long time occurs, as Piper and Snuka fight while the whole ring watches. Awesome. Now, #20 is Kane, who dumps both Snuka and Piper to the floor at 27:00. Aw. #21 is Carlito, who spits in the face of Cody Rhodes. Clearly he is not cool. #22 is Mick Foley, who, honestly, doesn't do a whole lot of anything when first entering the ring. But he does in a bit, something that most will like/liked. #23 is Kennedy, who gets chokeslammed, and as Big Daddy V enters at #24, we get a bunch of eliminations, starting at 32:21. Taker clotheslines Snitsky out, Michaels superkicks Taker out, and Kennedy bundles Michaels over the top. Whew. That was a tough sequence to recap. Taker puts Snitsky through the table with a legdrop, which also happened to make me laugh. Oh, you. #25 is Mark Henry, and shortly after his entrance, Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and pulls The Miz over the top and to the floor at 34:39. #26 is Chavo Guerrero, showing how little the ECW Title means. I hated this. After Kane gives Morrison a big boot to knock him out at 36:06, and then, Mark Henry pulls Hornswoggle into the ring. That brings Finlay out (before it was time for him to enter), to hit everyone with a shillelagh. Unforunately, he's been disqualified for entering early, and I suppose Hornswoggle is disqualified for being the beneficiary of his interference, at 38:00. #28 is Elijah Burke, who has seemingly disappeared after this appearance. Odd. Anyway, Chavo suplexes Punk over the top and out at 39:20, before HHH enters at #29. He gets rid of Cody Rhodes at 40:16, Big Daddy V at 40:33, and then, he fights with Mick Foley. Hell yes to that, duh. HHH then tosses Foley into Burke, which eliminates the both of them at 40:58. Boo. Down to the last entrant, who is.....JOHN CENA. I'm not gonna lie, I flipped when watching this live. Carlito gets tossed out at 43:19, Chavo Guerrero goes out at 43:22, and Mark Henry goes out at 43:26, to much cheer. The big two square off, that being Cena and HHH. BUT, we've still got a few guys left, don't we? Batista clotheslines Kennedy and UMAGA over the top, eliminating him at 44:28 and 44:41, respectively. We're down to four, those four being Kane, HHH, Batista, and John Cena. Guess who goes out first. 44:53 was the time of that. Now that we've got HHH, Batista and John Cena in the ring together, yeah, that's WWE's biggest possible match. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. They all taunt each other, until they fight and HHH clotheslines Batista out at 47:18. Down to two, and the crowd is decidedly split. Boo, yeah, boo, yeah (HHH being cheered, Cena being booed)...but Cena gets the better of it. After the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, we get some finisher reversal, which ends in a double clothesline, knocking both men out. Not out of the ring, though. HHH gives Cena a DDT after another failed F-U try, then tries to slam Cena out and to the floor. Nope, Cena slips off HHH's shoulder, and F-U's him to the floor, to win the Rumble and go to WrestleMania No Way Out, for his title shot at the champion. Match ended at 51:30.
Match Analysis: As I've said before, surprises are a huge part of what makes a great Royal Rumble. I'll give this one ****, as really, there weren't dead periods with nothing going on, seeing as guys were constantly entering. And I'll give WWE credit for deviating from the norm. It's not usual to see so many top level guys enter early. A show saving match.
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Rating: Decent. I can't in good conscience give this a good rating, but at the same time, I'll say that I was definitely happy to have ordered it, and I know that I'm going against things I've said in the past. You know, when I say things like, if I would've paid full price for the show, it's a good one? Well, I didn't pay full price for this, I paid half. So nyah.
Best Segment: The Royal Rumble. Usually is.
Worst Segment: Maria's Kiss Cam. I really hate when that fat dude comes into the ring and dances. Just, ugh.
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I'll get the RAW and Nitro review from 7/14/97 up ASAP. Then Clash of the Champions XXXV, but I'm not going to review the Rey Mysterio DVD. Too much content that could be included in potential reviews, and I don't really like reviewing things like that.
7:30 p.m.
• I’m sorry but when I saw this subject line in my inbox I had to click:
And what did the body text have to say? (The text was bolded when I read it.)
In case any of you want more information about this product, peep the vibrator shop. Then again, why pay $70 to get off when this guy will do it for free?
• I swear to Christ I’m talking to my former co-worker now more than when I worked at my previous shit hole of a job. Why? Because the new person they hired is a complete fuck-up and doesn’t know the first thing about her job. It’s already taking three people to do the work I performed by myself. What’s the point of lying about your set of job skills when you will need them to perform your duties? At least when I interview I was honest with what I knew and what I didn’t. Then again, that might be why I didn’t get past the first round of many of my interviews. Oh well.
• Oh thank fuck this show is ending.
I watched it for a spell in the late 1990s and HATED just about every character on the show. The only one I liked was Dr. Romano, and that was because he was an asshole. Everyone else I rooted for their early demise. Except for the gruffy receptionist guy. Oh, and the Anthony Edwards character, but I think that was because I hated him less than the rest of the ensemble.
I rented this game recently off Netflix. I thought I had pegged the Gibson walk-off, but this game certainly did not disappoint. A 2-1 victory highlighted by Mark McGwire's walk-off home run in the ninth. A few thoughts:
-It surprises me somewhat that you rarely hear about this homer from McGwire, even during his playing days. You would think a player known for his home run exploits would have this one highlighted.
-McGwire's home run game came three days after Gibson won game one with his own home run. This was the first time two batters hit walk-off home runs in the same series. The only other series to earn this distinction was the 2004 NLCS.
-I will never, ever complain about too many pickoff throws again. Bob Welch threw over eight times after Steve Sax reached base to leadoff the game. The eighth inning was interminable, with the Athletics obsessed with neutralizing Lasorda's running attack.
-Despite the throw overs, the constant threat of hit and runs, steals, etc. make this game very interesting. Broadcaster Vin Scully does an outstanding job of giving the relevant situation, letting the viewer know the potential strategy given the statistics and results of the season. Fox should watch Scully and NBC work games and take notes.
Al Gore gave us the internet in I don't really remember. If he knew that it would give us pathetic "reality" porn sites, an outlet for furries, message board "wars", wanna be tough guys, hacker speech, and Rule # 34, he probably would kill himself. If there is anything the net has become know for in my experience, it's this: a place for fat, unwashed, virginal nerds to complain about things that really aren't worth complaining about. Here's the 5 things it's "cool" to hate on the net, and why in the end, it's dumb to hate them.
5.) Musicians that take chances
Why: Most people hate change, especially in music. Hell, I do too sometimes (DJ Shadow's The Outsider, Cabaret Voltaire's foray into House music), but sometimes, it's retarded. Look at how a few (fortunately, just a few) are already reacting to Portishead's new album, to how some Black Metal fags have responded to band's like Amesoeurs, Alcest, and Velvet Cocoon trying something different within the genre.
Why it's stupid : Look, it's not your choice how the artist sounds, it's the artists. Besides, even if it's a disaster, you have to at least give them credit for doing something different.
Will it last: This has been going on long before the internet, so yes, it will last forever.
4.) South Park
Why: Over the years, more and more people have been getting BUTT hurt over South Park making fun of their political views. When they did the "ManBearPig" episode, Liberals complained about it "preaching a conservative agenda." (I just thought it wasn't a funny episode.) Besides, these are very political times, and if you don't agree with somebody's political views, then you are either a thin skinned liberal or a nazi sympathizing neocon.
Why it's stupid: Whining about political views on the net, much like in real life, accomplishes nothing. You may feel passionately about them, but at the end of the day 1.) The world won't change tomorrow because of them and 2.) In the large scheme of things, they don't count. They are just opinions people. Besides, if everyone everywhere agreed on everything, life would be boring.
Will it last: I honestly think that the only way this will end is when Bush leaves office and if McCain doesn't win the 2008 election. It will be then that people quit calling the show propaganda.
3.) Libertarians
Why: When Ron Paul started running in 2007, he became a hero to some who felt that Bush had been a disaster, the Iraq War was a fuck up, and that we needed somebody who was different. Sadly, it ended up attracting anti-semitic and conspiracy theory spewing retards claiming to be Libertarians while having no idea what Libertarianism actually is.
Why it's stupid: A part of this isn't really that dumb. I wouldn't blame people (especially those who actually are Libertarians) for hating this phenomenon. However, it also boils down to the "you don't agree with my political views, so you suck" problem, in which angry conservatives and liberals insult these guys for daring to disagree.
Will it last: It should end by the year's end, then return in the next election.
2.) Juno
Why: "Juno" was the little indie comedy of 2007 that got ton's of acclaim and hype, even getting Oscar nominations (and winning best original screenplay-I don't think it deserved that...). By the time February rolled around though, people everywhere on the internet were bitching about the movie, calling it "The Death of the American Independent Movie" (as pbone called it)
Why it's stupid: While I liked the movie, I can understand people hating it. It didn't deserve all those nominations, and some of the dialog annoyed me. That out of the way, a part of the hatred seemed to come from some feeling like it was "test marketed for hipsters", which largely doesn't make sense to me. The other problem for them is that it's a popular indie comedy, and if history shows, popular indie movies ("Napoleon Dynamite", "Cabin Fever", "The Blair Witch Project") are automatically cool to hate in some people's minds. Look, just because a movie get's a ton of hype doesn't mean it's a bad movie. Sure, it might not live up to all your expectations, but it isn't worth all that venom.
Will it last: Give it another year or two. The next indie comedy hit will come out, and then people will go on to bitch about that.
1.) Hip Hop
Why: Internet nerds feel threatened by what they don't understand-be it liberals, conservatives, Indie Music, or Extreme Metal. No musical genre online though, gets the hatred Hip Hop does. Basically, it offends some people's overly white view of the world, so they lash out at it because they don't understand it. That out of the way, the homophobia and misogyny of several rapper's doesn't help matters, nor do guys like Lil' Jon and Yung Joc.
Why it's stupid: I can understand people not liking guys like Soulja Boy and Lil' Mama, or the crassness some artists use. But to dismay the entire genre is stupid. People used to do the same thing about Frank Zappa and Led Zeppelin, and still say the same about Heavy Metal. Plus, there's the whole not understanding it-to lash out at the genre because you don't understand it is as stupid as it gets. If anything, it's close minded and willfully ignorant.
Will it last: These complaints have been going on since the 80's, so it will never end. As long as Hip Hop exists, there will sadly still be fat guys with mullets and Boston T-Shirts or Greasy guys with long hair and Pantera T-Shirts complaining about Hip Hop. It's a cycle that will sadly never end.
8:30 p.m.
• Let's see if Al Keiper is blowing smoke up my rear.
Hmm, wonder what I was doing wrong before. I was doing the "/video" thing. No matter.
Oh Christ. I HATE those beer guys. Shut up already and let me watch the game. The ones at the Reds stadium were annoying as shit.
First up, we have the WWF from Los Angeles, CA; a house show that took place on 8/13/1988.
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Gorilla Monsoon and Superstar Billy Graham are on commentary, FWIW. Anyway, the first match is Sam Houston vs. Black Jack.
- I don't know who Black Jack is, and there are so many people that share a variation of the name that it's quite hard to search. Yeah, Jack is wearing a mask, if you couldn't tell from my comments.
- Houston bulldog, pinfall victory at 5:48. Finish came out of nowhere, but in this case, that's good. The less Sam Houston, the better. *.
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Next up is Barry Horowitz vs. The Blue Angel.
- Guess who the Blue Angel is. Well, I'll just tell you, it's Owen Hart. Obviously, Owen is awesome. That word also describes this match.
- An Owen moonsault finishes the match after 14:35 of great, fast-paced action. ***1/2, and a bout that should definitely have been shown on television at some point. Or on Coliseum Video.
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The Bolsheviks vs. The Powers of Pain is our third match...
- Good, the Bolsheviks sung the Soviet National Anthem. Very good. When the Powers ran in to prevent that, they got a huge pop. They're pretty over.
- Superstar is such a bad commentator, but at least the Powers won, after a flying headbutt off the top from Barbarian onto Zhukov at 9:02. *1/2, could've been so much worse, but thankfully for my sake, it wasn't.
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Curt Hennig vs. SD Jones is up, and hey, Jesse Ventura has joined the team for commentary. That's swell!
- Hennig isn't perfect, yet. This match shows that fact quite well. Match is far, far too long, and Hennig wins with a clothesline at 13:05. *, at best. Only because I like Hennig.
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Andre the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the WWF Championship is our semi-main event.
- Bobby was forced out of the ring area by police and security...good. This one is very much like their Saturday Night Main Event match that I reviewed, save for one thing. There's a bit more offense from Savage, but that's it. I nearly forgot to mention that Jesse Ventura is now off commentary...yeah.
- Savage's FLYING ELBOW doesn't get the win, and after a bit of fighting, Andre grabs Elizabeth by the ankle, leading to a double countout at 10:24. 1/2*. Andre has the belt, but it isn't his. He really shouldn't be in the ring at this point, but hey, that's not my decision.
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Obviously it's intermission time, as we see a pre-taped interview with Ravishing Rick Rude. Gorilla better watch it, you see.
Now Gorilla's with the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, who are soon to announce their place of residence, which is of course, in the good ol' USA!
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I suppose it's a good thing that we have the Fabulous Rougeau's taking on the Hart Foundation.
- Of course it is! Well, it isn't that great, but it's still good. Kinda mailed in, though. After Bret gives Jacques a piledriver, Raymond jumps onto Bret from the 2nd rope, allowing Jacques to regain his composure and pick up the pinfall victory at 17:41. **3/4, but it was definitely nothing special.
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Randy Savage makes his way to the ring, because he's got a message for Andre the Giant. He's signed an open contract, anytime, anywhere. He's gonna kick his ASS! Direct quote on that last one.
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The main event on this show is Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts.
- The reason Bobby Heenan isn't there is quite simple. He was kicked out of the building. Jake's gonna kick Rude's ass too, or so he says. I love the PG-13 vibe being given off here...the WWF could've used a few "ass kickings" here and there.
- Very slow, just like most of these matches. I approve of the wrestlers trying to go easy on their bodies. Anyway, Rude tries to slam Jake into the ring, and Jake grabs the top rope for leverage, allowing Jake to win by pinfall at 13:27. **, end of the show.
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Rating: Ah, good. Good for a house show, which is good enough for me. Best segment was definitely Horowitz vs. Owen, and the worst was Andre/Savage. That match was just too long.
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Now, from Madison Square Garden on October 20th, 1986...Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary.
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Brutus Beefcake vs. B. Brian Blair is the first matchup.
- Was this match determined via alphabetizing the roster? It's not that bad, but like most matches involving Beefcake, he just doesn't do anything. At 10:17, he reverses a Blair crossbody, into a pinfall of his own for the victory. *3/4.
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Moondog Rex vs. Tama is next up...
- I thought now would be a good time to mention that every match is a singles match, featuring participants in the battle royal which will take place later on. I didn't know the Islanders were babyfaces...
- I love that spot where a guy's tied up, other guy charges at him, guy unties himself, and other guy flies through the rope. Thought I'd point that out. Anyway, a Tama crossbody off the top gives him the win at 8:17. ** for a decent affair.
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Next, we have King Kong Bundy taking on Super Machine.
- Definitely hoss-tastic, but Bundy wins after the AVALANCHE at 3:18. Short, sweet, and to the point. *1/2.
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Jim Neidhart vs. Dynamite Kid w/Matilda is now...
- Matilda = the bulldog. Simple, yes?
- Dynamite's so good, it's really a shame that he wrecked his body. But he wins the match, after a roll-up at 5:50. **1/2. Match was very fun.
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Koko B. Ware comes out to show everyone his bird...ha. Now the Iron Sheik is facing Jacques Rougeau.
- Of all the matchups on the show, this one is definitely the strangest. The match sucks, though. Jacques wins by pinfall thanks to a sunset flip, at 7:30. *.
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Time for Piper's Pit...even though he's being cheered, he says he's still a no good sonofabitch. Adrian Adonis is a fag, you see. Now he wants Bobby Heenan and Paul Orndorff to come out. Heenan does, and they talk about the World Series. Piper likes the Mets, Heenan doesn't. Now Paul Orndorff enters, to Hulk Hogan's music. Much heat for that. Piper says that Orndorff definitely couldn't find a tag team partner for a match, and after a few minutes, he's thought of one. It's Harley Race! Roddy Piper calls Vladimir (you know, the fan who always wears a Piper shirt) onto the ring apron, and his idea of a partner for Piper is...Hulk Hogan! So yeah, that's the main event for next month, Orndorff and Race vs. Piper and Hogan.
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Jim Brunzell vs. Mike Rotundo is, uh, right now!
- I thought Rotundo was gone by this point, but apparently I was wrong. This match is super, super slow. They're doing a bunch of amateur wrestling, but the crowd doesn't care, and neither do I. Double countout is the end, at 9:10. *.
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Greg Valentine vs. Davey Boy Smith w/Matilda is definitely the best matchup thus far...
- This should be good. Valentine's legwork is unique, at least compared to what I see now in the WWE.
- Davey does a SHARPSHOOTER, but Valentine pins him after using the top rope for leverage at 13:00. **3/4.
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Moondog Spot vs. SD Jones is a definite fast-forward. I don't even care enough to look and see who won.
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Haku vs. Nikolai Volkoff...
- Volkoff sings, Haku attacks. This card is just too damn long, not only that, there's a reason all of these guys are in tag teams. Moving forward, Volkoff misses a charge to the corner, and Haku rolls him up for 3 at 4:51. 1/2*.
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Raymond Rougeau vs. Bret Hart is the last singles match, thankfully.
- Once again, there is a reason some of these guys are in tag teams. In the case of Rougeau, that much is certain. Bret grabs the tights, puts his feet on the ropes, and wins by pinfall at 8:32. **.
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Now, we finally have the 50,000 dollar BATTLE ROYAL. The participants are....The Moondogs, SD Jones and Mike Rotundo, The Hart Foundation, King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd, The Machines, The Dream Team, The Rougeau Brothers, The British Bulldogs, The Islanders, The Killer Bees, The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff, and lastly, we have Steve Gatorwolf and Chief Jay Strongbow. When one member of the team is eliminated, the other must also leave.
- Moondogs gone first
- SD Jones gone, so his partner must follow
- A bunch of people tossed Strongbow, so Gatorwolf must leave
- A Machine dumps the Iron Sheik, to a big pop
- Bret Hart and the Dynamite Kid take each other out...aw, damn
- Beefcake gets rid of Jim Brunzell
- Studd gets rid of Jacques Rougeau
- A Machine backdrops Beefcake to the outside
- Bundy clotheslines a Machine out, so now, we're down to The Islanders vs. Bundy and Studd. Bundy charged at an Islander, who ducked, so Bundy knocked Studd out of the ring with a clothesline at 10:34. The Islanders get all the loot. Saw that finish coming, and it was a bad battle royal. 4/10.
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This show was really bad. I wish I hadn't even watched it. Best part was Valentine vs. Davey Boy, and the worst was the Battle Royal. I can't describe to you how useless this show was.
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Royal Rumble '08 review next, we'll see when I put it up. I don't know yet.
Okay this is the last of this to keep my sanity but I decided I might as well finish on a nice round number at 100. I'll be honest there are a few of my picks who I've never heard of the player as some selections have never produced a Pro Bowl player. So I went with guys who started a lot figuring they couldn't have sucked, plus getting a long term starter is very good value at this point in the draft. I had no idea the Dolphins drafted Joe Theismann.
61. Philadelphia – Brian Dawkins, S, Clemson 1996
Honorable Mention: Mickey Shuler (1978), Albert Lewis (1983), Shaun Rogers (2001)
62. Dallas – Tony Hill, WR, Stanford 1977
Honorable Mention: Eric Williams (1984), Robert Brooks (1992), Antwaan Randle El (2002)
63. N.Y. Jets – Mo Lewis, LB, Georgia 1991
Honorable Mention: Terry Metcalf (1973), Jerry Ball (1987), Marv Cook (1989)
64. San Diego – Dan Fouts, QB, Oregon 1973
Honorable Mention: Dave Duerson (1983), Kyle Clifton (1984), Olin Kreutz (1998)
65. Dallas – Dexter Coakley, LB, Appalachian State 1997
Honorable Mention: Carlton Williamson (1981), Jerry Fontenot (1989), Ray Buchanan (1993)
66. Tampa Bay – Ronde Barber, CB, Virginia 1997
Honorable Mention: Charlie Waters (1970), William Henderson (1995), Nick Hardwick (2004)
67. Cincinnati – Ken Anderson, QB, Augustana (IL) 1971
Honorable Mention: Robert Pratt (1974), Mike Cofer (1983), Joel Steed (1992)
68. Chicago – Lance Briggs, LB, Arizona 2003
Honorable Mention: Jim Carter (1970), Jack Del Rio (1985), Tom Tupa (1988)
69. Washington – Russ Grim, G, Pittsburgh 1981
Honorable Mention: Lance Mehl (1980), Glenn Parker (1990), Jason Witten (2003)
70. Dallas – Erik Williams, T, Central State (OH) 1991
Honorable Mention: Lawrence McCutcheon (1972), Jimmie Giles (1977), LeRoy Irvin (1980)
71. New Orleans – Hoby Brenner, TE, USC 1981
Honorable Mention: Bob Newton (1971), Donnie Abraham (1996), Duce Staley (1997)
72. Philadelphia – Jeremiah Trotter, LB, Stephen F Austin 1998
Honorable Mention: Mike McCoy (1976), Lance Smith (1985), Henry Thomas (1987)
73. Miami – Jason Taylor, DE, Akron 1997
Honorable Mention: Steve McMichael (1980), Guy McIntyre (1984), Joey Porter (1999)
74. New England – Curtis Martin, RB, Pittsburgh 1995
Honorable Mention: James Hasty (1988), Will Shields (1993), Steve Smith (2001)
75. Oakland – Mark Van Eeghen, FB, Colgate 1974
Honorable Mention: Pete Metzelaars (1982), Denard Walker (1997), Steve Foley (1998)
76. Seattle – Ahman Green, RB, Nebraska 1998
Honorable Mention: Doug Cosbie (1979), Fredd Young (1984), John Taylor (1986)
77. Philadelphia – Fred Barnett, WR, Arkansas State 1990
Honorable Mention: Linden King (1977), Bubba McDowell (1986), Corey Harris (1992)
78. Miami – Leon Gray, T, Jackson State 1973
Honorable Mention: Nat Moore (1974), David Fulcher (1986), Laveranues Coles (2000)
79. Denver – Lyle Alzado, DE, Yankton 1971
Honorable Mention: Gregg Bingham (1973), Henry Marshall (1976), William Andrews (1979)
80. San Francisco – Bill Romanowski, LB, Boston College 1988
Honorable Mention: Paul Lankford (1982), Derek Smith (1997), Darrell Jackson (2000)
81. Miami – Curtis Johnson, CB, Toledo 1970
Honorable Mention: Bernard Jackson (1972), Earl Dotson (1993), Chris Cooley (2004)
82. San Francisco – Joe Montana, QB, Notre Dame 1979
Honorable Mention: John Stallworth (1974), Rodney Holman (1982), John Lynch (1993)
83. Denver – Ed McCaffrey, WR, Stanford 1991
Honorable Mention: Steve Brown (1983), Jay Schroeder (1984), Greg Spires (1998)
84. Washington – Charles Mann, DE, Nevada 1983
Honorable Mention: Rob Carpenter (1977), Tim Harris (1986), Dwight Smith (2001)
85. Dallas – Tony Tolbert, DE, UTEP 1989
Honorable Mention: Randy Dixon (1987), William White (1988), Greg Wesley (2000)
86. L.A. Rams – Jackie Slater, T, Jackson State 1976
Honorable Mention: Morten Andersen (1982), Andre Reed (1985), Tedy Bruschi (1996)
87. New England – Tim Goad, DT, North Carolina 1988
Honorable Mention: Ron Hall (1987), Moe Gardner (1991), Mike McKenzie (1999)
88. Denver – Tom Jackson, LB, Louisville 1973
Honorable Mention: Ricardo McDonald (1992), Jason Gildon (1994), Morlon Greenwood (2001)
89. San Francisco – Terrell Owens, WR, Tennessee-Chattanooga 1996
Honorable Mention: Roy Green (1979), Chris Warren (1990), Lorenzo Neal (1993)
90. Dallas – Pat Donovan, T, Stanford 1975
Honorable Mention: Tootie Robbins (1982), Yancey Thigpen (1991), Antonio Freeman (1995)
91. Philadelphia – Brian Westbrook, RB, Villanova 2002
Honorable Mention: Jeff Christy (1992), Mike Vrabel (1997), Brian Griese (1998)
92. Pittsburgh - Hines Ward, WR, Georgia 1998
Honorable Mention: Dennis Harrison (1978), Derrick Rodgers (1997), Casey Rabach (2001)
93. Green Bay - Ken Ellis, CB, Saginaw Valley State 1970
Honorable Mention: Joe Phillips (1986), Tyrone Williams (1996), Steve McKinney (1998)
94. Pittsburgh - Thomas Everett, S, Baylor 1987
Honorable Mention: Matt Herkenhoff (1974), Bob Horn (1976), Dave Widell (1988)
95. Denver - Rick Upchurch, WR/KR, Minnesota 1975
Honorable Mention: Todd Bell (1981), Michael Pittman (1998), Jonas Jennings (2001)
96. San Francisco - Charles Haley, DE, James Madison 1986
Honorable Mention: Bruce McNorton (1982), Maurice Hurst (1989), Ron Stone (1993)
97. New Orleans - Joel Hilgenberg, C, Iowa 1984
Honorable Mention: Vince Newsome (1983), Chris Calloway (1990), Todd Perry (1993)
98. Oakland - Cliff Branch, WR, Colorado 1972
Honorable Mention: Rich Gannon (1987), Donnie Edwards (1996), Derrick Mason (1997)
99. Miami - Joe Theismann, QB, Notre Dame 1971
Honorable Mention: Joe Federspiel (1972), Keith Hamilton (1992), Phillip Daniels (1996)
100. N.Y. Giants - Mark Bavaro, TE, Notre Dame 1985
Honorable Mention: Dave Dalby (1972), Michael Bankston (1992), Rudi Johnson (2001)
7 p.m.
• So here’s a tip for those who get a call from a Maury Povich producer who asks you to appear on the program. DON’T GO.
Seriously, what do you expect will happen? Your wife has a SECRET~! Gee, I wonder what it could be?
“Baby, I’ve been withholding part of my paycheck from you and I’ve been investing it into an IRA.”
“Honey, I’ve been going to night school and now I earned a Ph.D. and can now start my own licensed practice.”
“Sweetie, my office pool won the Powerball.”
“My love, I cheated on you and you might not be Junior’s daddy.”
You know the only thing worse than coming out to the Maury audience amidst a chorus of boos? Coming out to a chorus of cheers. That means you were the one cheated on.
• I wonder if she will win Ben Stein’s money? Sorry. Wait, not I’m not. That was clever. I’m sure someone else beat me to the punch line. Man was that an awesome show. Well, at least when Jimmy Kimmel was the sidekick.
We used only a very small portion of the song? And that makes it OK? Actually, I’m not sure what the fair use rules are regarding documentaries, so the film might win this one. Either way, I don’t care. People in academia are fuck-ups who can’t survive in the real world. People who think God spent a week making the universe are … well, at least many of them vote for the correct candidates.
9 p.m.
• Oh please let the enviro-wackos go over to China and protest that country's use of fuel. (Note the last paragraph.)
And this is why Americans need to adjust their lifestyles. I don't consider myself an enviro-wacko, but I do my best to conserve energy in a number of places. I carpool. I try to make unnecessary shopping trips. The reason for this? I don't care about the rainforest. I'm a cheap bastard and this saves money. I did this when gas was 99 and 9/10s of a cent per gallon. I will do this when gas hits $4+ per gallon this year. My vehicle of choice? An '03 Cavalier. I love watching these political ads with people bitching about gas prices. Say, didn't Democrats say in '06 that if they were elected gas prices would go down? What the dillyo?
This is the first brand-exclusive PPV, as I'm sure you all are aware of.
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Anyway, the first match is Christopher Nowinski and Rodney Mack w/Theodore Long vs. The Dudley BoyZ. Emphasis on the Z. Nowinski’s wearing a metal face protector, because of his nasal problems.
Blow-by-Blow: You see, on Sunday Night Heat, the guys facing the Dudley's insisted that Bubba Ray is possibly a racist. Or that's what I got from it, because, you know, Bubba's always ordering D-Von to get the tables. Why can't he do it himself? Anyway, Mack and D-Von start the match, and Mack misses a charge to the corner, so D-Von clotheslines him. It only gets a 2 count, so Mack gives D-Von a jawbreaker and tags out. Nowinski is given a drop-toe hold by D-Von, which allows Bubba to come in and gives Nowinski a shoulderblock. You have no idea how hard it is to not type Nowitzki in place of Nowinski. Moving forward, Rodney Mack gives Bubba a clothesline, but Bubba responds by crushing both he and Nowinski in the corner. Both Mack and Nowinski get tossed out of the ring, but Bubba brings Nowinski right back in, the hard way. A Bubba splash gets D-Von a 2 count, but D-Von misses a charge to the buckle. Mack then rams D-Von nut-first into the post, before tagging in and giving him an elbowdrop for 2. Mack gives D-Von a spinebuster, but it only gets 2, as does a Nowinski splash after the tag. To the 2nd rope he goes, but he misses an elbowdrop, which allows Bubba to tag in. Clothesline, backdrop, sidewalk slam for a 2 count. Nowinski misses a charge to the corner, so Bubba gives him a crossbody(?) for a 2 count. Here comes the WAZZUP headbutt, after D-Von and Mack fought for a bit on the outside. GET THE TABLES, but D-Von’s having second thoughts. Why can’t Bubba do it? Anyway, Mack clotheslines D-Von over the top, and Nowinski hits Bubba with the METAL MASK for the three count at 7:07.
Match Analysis: That was kind of a surprise. Not in a good way, though. Never could stand Rodney Mack...he was almost instant turn off the television type material. We’ll give this one my favorite rating, which is *1/2.
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The Redneck Triathlon between Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff is right now...good God. The first event is a BURPING CONTEST. The last burp, if not all of them, was/were obviously fake. Austin wins. Whoop-de-doo!
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Test and Scott Steiner are now going to face each other for Stacy Keibler’s managerial services.
Blow-by-Blow: Could there be a worse matchup? Is this the type of thing which makes you glad to have brand exclusive PPV’s? Steiner tries to leap off the apron onto Test...and falls on his face. I busted up, even though I’ve seen it much more than once. Back in the ring, Steiner gives Test a clothesline and an elbowdrop, before doing some pushups...which causes Test to bail to the outside. He uses Stacy as a human shield, then whips Steiner into the steps after a bit. Back inside, Test gives Steiner a slam, and does some pushups of his own. After a Test sleeper, Steiner misses a charge to the corner, allowing Test to make the trip up top. Steiner catches Test on the way down, and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. After a few clotheslines and a powerslam, Steiner goes for a 10 punch. Test quickly regains control after that, with a full nelson slam for 2. No pumphandle slam though, so Steiner gives Test a reverse DDT for 2. Test then pushes Steiner into the buckle, and finally gives him the pumphandle slam, but it only gets 2. Test now grabs Stacy, but she slaps him. Steiner charges at Test, but Test avoids it and gives him a big boot for 2. Test has a chair, but Stacy tries to take it away. He pushes her to the ground, hits the top rope so that the chair hits him in the face, and a Steiner downward spiral gets the pinfall win at 6:34.
Match Analysis: The less said, the better. Although I’ll admit, it was still better than I thought it would be. 1/2*.
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Bischoff and Austin are in the back, preparing for their pie eating contest. Well, lookie here, Bischoff has some nice poontang pie. Well, Bischoff wants to go first. Austin says sure, but he gets to pick which one Bischoff, well, eats.
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Now, we move forward to Booker T vs. Christian for the Intercontinental Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: They lock up to start, and after a Christian armdrag, Booker gives him a shoulderblock. After a hiptoss, Booker gives Christian a bodyslam and takes him down with a headlock. Booker backdrops Christian for a one count, and gives him a spinebuster for 2. Christian rams Booker into the steel steps after a few punches, then goes to a chinlock...which thankfully doesn't last long at all. Booker misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Christian a flapjack anyway. After a flying forearm, Booker gives Christian a sidewalk slam for a 2 count. A side kick gets 2, and after a hotshot, a reverse DDT gets the same. Christian misses a charge to the corner, but he still is able to pin Booker with his hand on the ropes for a 2 count. Christian gives Booker a uranage for a 2 count, but Booker quickly responds with a small package for 2. Christian tosses Booker onto the apron, but Booker responds with the SCISSOR KICK, and a missile dropkick for a 2 count. Booker does a SPINAROONIE after another side kick, which gives Christian to bail out, and head to the back. AHHH. Well, the referee says that Christian better get his ass back to the ring or he'll lose his belt. Once, just ONCE, I want someone to keep walking and give up their title. It would be the ultimate in chicken-shit moves. Booker chases Christian back into the ring after he bailed out again, so Christian hits him with his title belt to get disqualified at 7:52.
Match Analysis: I know WWE was on this town killing kick back in 2003, but seriously, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here? I swear, WWE was intentionally trying to draw people away from their product. People paid good money to watch this shit, this isn't an episode of Monday Night Raw. Or is it. Match was **, but the booking is as fucking stupid as it gets.
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Kevin Nash is warming up in the back...
Now, Jerry Lawler introduces part two of the Redneck Triathlon, which is the pie eating contest. Of course, Bischoff is supposed to go first. Austin makes a few jokes about mature women, before calling out Bischoff's slice of pie...Mae Young. Oh no. Well, she takes off her skirt, revealing a thong. UGH. She gives Bischoff a broncobuster...and now, it's Austin's turn. He says no thanks, and gives her a STUNNER. It's now 1 to 1.
Gail Kim hype video...
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Next match is La Resistance vs. Rob Van Dam and Kane for the World Tag Team Titles.
Blow-by-Blow: First though, La Resistance talked with Jonathan Coachman. Yeah yeah yeah. Rene Dupree and RVD start, and they start by, you know, squaring off. Dupree does that stupid dance of his, so RVD rolls him up for 2. A spinning heel kick follows, and then a springboard crossbody, which gets a 2 count. RVD cradles Dupree for 2, but Sylvan Grenier quickly comes in and allows Dupree to gain control with a DDT for 2. Dupree goes to the chinlock, but RVD replies with an enziguri so he can tag in Kane. Kane gives Grenier a big boot, and tosses Dupree over the top rope. He gives Grenier a sidewalk slam for 2, then goes up to the top, and comes down with a big clothesline for 2. La Resistance gain control as best they can, with a double neckbreaker, but Kane comes right back and clotheslines both of them. A flying kick from RVD lands on Dupree, so RVD backdrops Dupree over the top. RVD flies out with a TOPE CON HILO, but he connects with Kane just as much as he does with his opponents. They bring him back in, double chokeslam, pinfall victory and new champs at 5:47.
Match Analysis: This really is an episode of RAW, isn't it. Fuck. What a waste of my time that match was. *. I still cannot think of any positives (in regards to the fanbase) of these brand exclusive PPV's. I just cannot. While it's good that some guys get a PPV payday, there is little, if any benefit for those paying their hard earned money to watch this.
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Hype video for Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho...and we go to the match.
Blow-by-Blow: I don't want to get started on Goldberg's WWE run, so we'll start the match off with Goldberg tackling Jericho, knocking Jericho out of the ring. Goldberg brings Jericho in and slams him to the canvas, twice. He misses a charge though, but still gives Jericho a press slam. A press slam in which Goldberg drops Jericho nuts-first onto the top rope, that is. Then Goldberg drops Jericho onto the retaining barrier at ringside, but he misses a SPEAR, and goes through it. Ouch. Jericho now rams Goldberg's shoulder into the ringpost, and now, Goldberg's bleeding. Barely. Jericho gives Goldberg a missile dropkick for 2, then he wrenches Goldberg's arm in the bottom rope. Goldberg replies with a shoulderblock, but Jericho gives him a single-arm DDT and goes to the armbar. Goldberg kicks Jericho in the mush, and gives him an inverted atomic drop. Jericho quickly conters with a DDT for 2, and after Goldberg misses a charge to the corner, Jericho gives Goldberg a dropkick. That's followed up with a facebuster, and a LIONSAULT, but Jericho only gets a 2 count. Here's another Jericho facebuster, but Goldberg slams him instead of being given another LIONSAULT. SPEAR, no to the JACKHAMMER, because Jericho gives Goldberg a low blow. WALLS OF JERICHO, but Goldberg kicks off Jericho and runs to the corner. SPEAR, JACKHAMMER, Goldberg wins by pinfall at 10:59.
Match Analysis: This was pretty good, thanks to Jericho. Not to say that Goldberg didn't do his share of the work, it's just that Jericho has/had the ability to make almost any match a watchable one, at the least. Easily the best match on the show thus far, and we'll slap a *** rating on it.
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The third spin of the Redneck Triathlon wheel leaves us with....a sing-off! Bischoff is happy because he KNOWS that Austin can't sing.
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Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair is up next...
Blow-by-Blow: See, Flair attacked Shawn Michaels in a tag match after they agreed to face each other, so this thing isn't about respect anymore. They lock-up at the start, then break and Flair struts. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and takes Flair down to the canvas, before walking over him just like I walk on the carpet that's currently below my feet. He then slaps Flair, which causes Flair to take Shawn down to the mat. After Shawn gets to the ropes, he gives Flair a drop-toe hold, and a clothesline that sends Flair over the top and to the floor. Shawn follows Flair out with a pescado, then brings Flair back in for a shoulderblock. Flair chops away, but Shawn goes for a 10 punch in the corner. After that 10 punch, Flair comes out of the corner with a chopblock, and goes to work on the leg. He kneedrops Shawn's left leg, and applies the FIGURE-FOUR, to many cheers. Shawn breaks the hold, and comes back with an enziguri and a backdrop. Shawn misses a charge to the corner, so Flair goes up top...only to be slammed down to the canvas. Flair blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Shawn responds with a small package for 2. Shawn now goes to the FIGURE-FOUR, but Flair thumbs him in the eye, and tries a back suplex. No to that, and we've got a ref bump. Shawn sends Flair into the corner and upside down, so when Flair runs onto the top rope, Shawn clotheslines him on the way down. Shawn gives Flair a superplex, before looking under the ring for a table, which he finds. It's set up on the outside, but Flair's now up, and tries to suplex Shawn out of the ring. That won't happen, so Shawn rams Flair into the steel steps and places Flair on the table. Randy Orton tries to run through the crowd and attack Shawn, but HBK gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Shawn goes to the top, and SPLASHES Flair THROUGH THE TABLE. Good. The back of Flair's head is bleeding as both wrestlers climb into the ring, and at the corner, Flair gives both HBK and the referee a low blow. Shawn goes into the regular offense, which starts with a flying forearm and a kip-up. After a bodyslam, Shawn goes to the top, and drops the elbow on Flair. TUNE UP THE BAND, SWEET CHIN MUSIC...but Randy Orton hits Shawn with a chair, and Flair covers Michaels for 3 at 14:19.
Match Analysis: Average match, but the table spot bumps the match up a bit. Somewhat less that what I expected, unfortunately. **3/4. Clearly, it's nice to see Flair getting a victory over a big name during his WWE run, as that was not exactly commonplace, especially in 2003.
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Eric Bischoff is down for part 3 of the Redneck Triathlon...he's going to sing his theme music! Ha, he's not singing! He's lipping it. Austin notices that, and tells him to actually begin singing. Bischoff does, and it sucks. Austin says, well, we're going to re-spin the wheel, as a compromise. It 'lands' on Pig Pen Fun. The winner of this is the one who tosses the other into the pig pen. Austin gives Bischoff a STUNNER, takes him to the stage, and tosses him into the pig pen, to win the Redneck Triathlon. -***** for the entire thing. I don't know, why couldn't they do this on RAW? What makes this worth paying for, anyway?
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Kevin Nash vs. HHH is your Hell in a Cell main event for the World Heavyweight Title, and Mick Foley is your special guest referee.
Blow-by-Blow: None of the referees wanted to officiate this, explaining Foley's appearance. Anyhow, we start, as HHH attacks Nash in the ring. Nash tosses HHH out, but in we go quickly, where they trade punches. Nash pushes HHH into Foley, and then he lines up HHH in the corner for his elbows and knees combo. Nash gives HHH a back elbow and clotheslines him over the top, before ramming him into the post on the outside. He tosses HHH into the cell, and slams him on the floor, before bringing him into the ring. A sidewalk slam from Nash gets 2, and so does two elbowdrops. Nash hits HHH in the mid-section with a chair, and then in the back. Outside now, and Nash picks HHH up so he can ram him into the cell. Then the steps, and HHH tries to run away...only for Nash to toss the steps at him. But they miss, and HHH rams Nash into the other set of steel steps. On the inside now, Nash tries the JACKKNIFE, but HHH takes him to the canvas, before going out to look for more weapons. HHH finds a tool box, and he pulls the lid off, to hit Nash with. Instead, he grabs a hammer out of the box, and hits Nash in the knee with it. Then in the head, and Nash is busted open. Foley pushes HHH down as they argue, and when HHH gets up, he grinds Nash's face into the cell. HHH now has a screwdriver after a bit more of that, and he stabs Nash in the face with it. Awesome. Now HHH grabs a BARBED WIRE 2x4, with which he hits Nash in the gut. Nash then takes the 2x4, and clobbers HHH in the head with it, making him bleed. Nash sets the 2x4 up at the buckle, and after two clotheslines, Nash snake eyes HHH onto the 2x4. The cover only gets 2, so Nash is about to turn to DRASTIC MEASURES. Drastic meaning, bringing in the steel steps from the outside. HHH hits Nash with a wooden box, and he's got the SLEDGEHAMMER! Foley takes it away, so HHH hits him. Nash drop-toe-holds HHH into the steel steps, but that only gets a 2 count. HHH kicks Nash in the knee, so he can hit both Foley and Nash in the head with a steel chair. Foley's bleeding like mad, but he's got Mr. Socko, which finds its way into the mouth of HHH. HHH kicks Foley in the nuts, and Nash hits Foley with the steps on accident, so he's out of commission. HHH knocks Foley off the apron and into the cell, on accident...and tries to give Nash the PEDIGREE. Nash slingshots HHH into the buckle where the 2x4 is currently sitting, but the JACKKNIFE and pinfall only get a TWO count. HHH crawls his way to the corner, and grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, which he uses to knock Nash woozy for a bit. PEDIGREE, pinfall victory for HHH at 21:03. End show.
Match Analysis: It was actually quite good, but the finish really lacked gusto. They could've fought over the SLEDGEHAMMER, but HHH crawling over and using it without any resistance from Nash was pretty lame, to say the least. ***1/4, with a quarter knocked off for the finish. I take my ratings seriously. Honestly though, this was pretty good, and it adds another name to this question...
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Rating: Bad. Not exactly how you'd like to start the brand exclusive PPV formula. Not even two *** matches can save this one from being called bad, the first half of the show was just a pile of trash. And on the "would I be pissed if I paid for it" scale, it's about an 8, in the negative section. Plus, the Booker T vs. Christian finish is icing on the cake.
Best Segment: Triple H vs. Kevin Nash. I suppose it's a good thing that so many matches have been rated equally recently, because then I don't have to choose what's the best.
Worst Segment: Redneck Triathlon. Never.Repeat.Again.
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Next, I'll review the house shows that were aired on 24/7 this month. Arrivederci!
9 p.m.
• So today was primary day for the Keystone State. For a registered Republican there wasn't much to do other than nominate a bunch of people running unopposed in local elections. I was thinking of casting a write-in vote for president, or even throwing Ron Paul a bone for kicks, but then I saw that Mike Hickabee is still in the race. McCain for me and Mrs. kkk.
Sadly there weren't any stories to report. No fights with Democrats at the polling place. No nothing. Oh well.
• I think I'm going to side with the docs on this one.
Doctors are busy run late enough as it is -- I don't want to imagine them typing away at some medical issue to a patient. Besides, I'm sure whatever a doctor puts into writing would be red meat for a trial lawyer should something go wrong with said patient.
• Memoirs? How old is she again?
You know, I hate to admit it, but I actually watched part of an episode of "Hannah Montana" while in Buffalo. It wasn't as bad as I thought. The one niece-in-law is a fan of the show, so for the last few years all we have bought for her for holidays and birthdays has been this Montana shit. I can't wait until this phase is over and all that money is wasted.
I'm blatantly ripping off a concept from Bored. The best player from each pick in the draft. The MLB June draft has run from 1965 to the present.
1. Alex Rodriguez, SS
2. Reggie Jackson, OF
3. Robin Yount, SS
4. Dave Winfield, OF or Barry Larkin, SS
5. Dwight Gooden, RHP
6. Barry Bonds, OF
7. Frank Thomas, 1B
8. Todd Helton, 1B
9. Barry Zito, LHP
10. Mark McGwire, 3B
Not one #1 overall pick has yet made the Hall, though Junior Griffey and A-Rod certainly will. Having no player better than Zito at #9 is a surprise, ditto for Doc Gooden at #5.
11. Greg Luzinski, 1B
12. Billy Wagner, LHP or Nomar Garciaparra, SS
13. Manny Ramirez, OF
14. Derrek Lee, 1B
15. Chase Utley, 2B
16. Lance Parrish, IF
17. Roy Halladay, RHP
18. Willie Wilson, OF
19. Roger Clemens, RHP
20. Mike Mussina, RHP
21. Rick Sutcliffe, RHP
22. Craig Biggio, C
23. Jason Kendall, C
24. Rondell White, OF
25. Chuck Knoblauch, 2B
26. Alan Trammell, SS
27. Vida Blue, LHP
28. Lee Smith, RHP
29. George Brett, SS
30. Mike Schmidt, SS
Where are the Hall of Famers? Currently, 19 members of the Hall of Fame began their careers out of the amateur draft. Only six of them (Jackson, Yount, Winfield, Puckett, Fisk, Molitor) were chosen in the first ten picks of the draft. Five of them were not picked in the top 100, and Ryne Sandberg was the 511th pick in his draft. Nolan Ryan was the 226th pick, Goose Goosage was chosen 204th.
I'm going to keep doing this until I start grasping at straws to find decent players to fill out every pick, which I had to do with at least one of the following picks. As I get further down the list the honorable mention picks become increasingly difficult. Again this is just since the merger and what the player did over the course of their career, not what they necessarily did for the team that drafted them which is plainly obvious with pick #33.
31. L.A. Rams – Nolan Cromwell, S, Kansas 1977
Honorable Mention: Roman Phifer (1991), Carl Pickens (1992), Al Wilson (1999)
32. L.A. Rams – Henry Ellard, WR, Fresno State 1983
Honorable Mention: Fred Smerlas (1979), Ray Donaldson (1980), Drew Brees (2001)
33. Atlanta – Brett Favre, QB, Southern Miss 1991
Honorable Mention: Fred Dean (1975), Wesley Walker (1977), Isaac Bruce (1994)
34. Pittsburgh – Jack Ham, LB, Penn State 1971
Honorable Mention: Steve Nelson (1974), Tim McDonald (1987), Carnell Lake (1989)
35. Tampa Bay – Mike Alstott, FB, Purdue 1996
Honorable Mention: Keith Fahnhorst (1974), Christian Okoye (1987), Alge Crumpler (2001)
36. N.Y. Giants – Tiki Barber, RB, Virginia 1997
Honorable Mention: Kevin Mawae (1994), Lawyer Milloy (1996), Chad Johnson (2001)
37. Philadelphia – Randall Cunnigham, QB, UNLV 1985
Honorable Mention: Cris Collinsworth (1981), Leonard Marshall (1983), Darren Woodson (1992)
38. Chicago – Mike Singletary, LB, Baylor 1981
Honorable Mention: Doug English (1975), Boomer Esiason (1984), Flozell Adams (1998)
39. Buffalo – Darryl Talley, LB, West Virginia 1983
Honorable Mention: Keena Turner (1980), Daryl Johnston (1989), Keith Sims (1990)
40. N.Y. Giants – Michael Strahan, DE, Texas Southern 1993
Honorable Mention: Bob Baumhower (1978), Al Baker (1979), Thurman Thomas (1988)
41. New England – Andre Tippett, LB, Iowa 1982
Honorable Mention: Mark Gastineau (1979), Dave Waymer (1980), Ken Norton (1988)
42. San Francisco – Randy Cross, G, UCLA 1976
Honorable Mention: Rulon Jones (1980), Charlie Garner (1994), Jake Plummer (1997)
43. St. Louis Cardinals – Dan Dierdorf, T, Michigan 1971
Honorable Mention: Matt Millen (1980), Mushin Muhammad (1996), Corey Dillon (1997)
44. Pittsburgh – Dermontti Dawson, C, Kentucky 1988
Honorable Mention: Chad Brown (1993), Sam Madison (1997), Kris Jenkins (2001)
45. Oakland – Dave Casper, TE, Notre Dame 1974
Honorable Mention: Joe Morris (1982), Ricky Watters (1991), Lofa Tatupu (2005)
46. Pittsburgh – Jack Lambert, LB, Kent State 1974
Honorable Mention: David Hill (1976), Larry Allen (1994), Samari Rolle (1998)
47. Cleveland – Jerry Sherk, DT, Oklahoma State 1970
Honorable Mention: Tony Collins (1981), Michael Barrow (1993), Frank Sanders (1995)
48. Oakland – Howie Long, DE, Villanova 1981
Honorable Mention: Lydell Mitchell (1972), Dwight Stephenson (1980), LeRoy Butler (1990)
49. San Francisco – Roger Craig, RB, Nebraska 1983
Honorable Mention: Delvin Williams (1974), Pete Johnson (1977), Brian Blades (1988)
50. Cleveland – Michael Dean Perry, DT, Clemson 1988
Honorable Mention: Tom Newberry (1986), Eddie Robinson (1992), Marcus McNeill (2006)
51. New Orleans – Rickey Jackson, LB, Pittsburgh 1981
Honorable Mention: Matt Blair (1974), Sean Jones (1984), Pepper Johnson (1986)
52. Miami – John Offerdahl, LB, Western Michigan 1986
Honorable Mention: Joe Devlin (1976), Bob Golic (1979), Mark Duper (1982)
53. Pittsburgh – Mel Blount, CB, Saginaw Valley State 1970
Honorable Mention: Harvey Martin (1973), Danny White (1974), Eric Davis (1990)
54. Minnesota – Sammy White, WR, Grambling State 1976
Honorable Mention: Jim LeClair (1972), Darrin Smith (1993), Anquan Boldin (2003)
55. Miami – Tim Foley, DB, Purdue 1970
Honorable Mention: John Mendenhell (1972), Randy Logan (1973), Corey Fuller (1995)
56. Dallas – Todd Christensen, TE, BYU 1978
Honorable Mention: Wesley Walls (1989), Jason Hanson (1992), Osi Umenyiora (2003)
57. Dallas – Mark Stepnoski, C, Pittsburgh 1989
Honorable Mention: Joe Ferguson (1973), Mark Carrier (1987), Devin Hester (2006)
58. San Francisco – Jeremy Newberry, C, California 1998
Honorable Mention: Gary Spani (1978), Ricky Proehl (1990), Travis Henry (2001)
59. Phoenix – Aeneas Williams, CB, Saginaw Valley State 1991
Honorable Mention: Jeff Hostetler (1984), Kirk Lowdermilk (1985), Marcus Washington (2000)
60. New Orleans – Pat Swilling, LB, Georgia Tech 1986
Honorable Mention: Quinn Early (1988), Kordell Stewart (1995), Darren Shaper (1997)
Why? Well, look at this glorious thread.
Long story short: Vitamin X banned Marney. He did this after simply warning her (not a big deal really), and she flipped, acting like a spoiled bitch. She insulted him constantly (as well as AnnieEclectic for being a Transexual), and pretty much dared him to ban her.
So he did.
Afterwards, people bitched at him, telling him that Marney didn't deserve to be banned. These people included Rant and bob barron (who tends to bitch a lot.)
Quit fooling yourselves. She deserved to be banned. I have no problem with different opinions, but she basically acted belligerent, insulting those who disagreed with her, and blatantly spewing hateful, racist, homophobic (amusing, considering she's a lesbian) bullshit. She refused to follow the rules, and had to act like an internet tough guy, puffing her chest, thinking "nobody can ban me!" Hell, she pretty much asked to be banned, and her wish got granted.
Why did she do this? Here's my theory: just like MikeSC and others at The Pit, she feels wronged for no reason. So, in her feeble mind, she's proven a point. What point she proved is beyond me, and it only exists in her twisted psyche. In reality, all she proved is that she's a cunt, and her being banned had nothing to do with her being a conservative, a woman, or a lesbian-it all has to do with her behavior.
Seriously, why can't people like her, Leena, and MikeSC realize this? The board is not out to get them. Hell, from what I've seen, The Pit seems to obsess over us more than we do them. Most of us don't give a shit about that place. When you refuse to follow the rules, troll, insult those you don't agree with, and start pointless arguments, you will be banned. Why is it that some can't realize this? Are they fucking stupid?
In short, Vitamin X did the right thing. Marney should have been banned from the get go, and stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
8 p.m.
• Uh-oh. I forgot the NBA playoffs started today. Whatever, it's only one game. Is the NBA is still doing the pre-determined brackets, unlike the NHL which reseeds every round? Well they are in this.
Coming from the Big East, boy, we ain’t slippin’
(1) Boston vs. (8) Atlanta
Hey, Atlanta made the playoffs! Good for them. I don’t even want to know their record. Celtics in 5. (For the record, I rarely call a game in 4 games or 7 games. Generally, if I say a series will last 5 games, I’m leaning toward a 4-5 game series. If I say 6 games, I’m thinking a series will last 6-7 games. But I’ll take any correct prediction when I can.)
(2) Detroit vs. (7) Philadelphia
I heard the 76ers were playing pretty good as of late. No matter. Pistons in 5.
(3) Orlando vs. (6) Toronto
This one has my interest somewhat. I’m thinking this could have upset potential. I’ll still go Magic in 6.
(4) Cleveland vs. (5) Washington
I don’t care about this series. I didn’t care about this series last year. I didn’t care about it the year before. Cavs in 6.
SECOND ROUND:
(1) Boston vs. (4) Cleveland
I don’t see the Cavs pulling off an upset past the first round this year. Celtics in 5.
Detroit (2) vs. Orlando (3)
Oh what the heck. After guessing a near upset in Orland’s first round matchup, I’ll say they give the Pistons a scare. Pistons in 6.
THIRD ROUND:
(1) Boston vs. (2) Detroit.
This is what everybody has been predicting all year. I’ll pull for the Celtics. Boston in 6.
West-siiiiide
(1) Los Angeles vs. (8) Denver
So it was Denver and not Golden State that got the last playoff spot. It must be terrible for a fan of a Western Conference team like the Nuggets. You spend all that money attending games throughout the regular season only to get ousted in the first round each year. Lakers in 5.
(2) New Orleans vs. (7) Dallas
I was figuring Dallas would make some noise in the playoffs this year, seeing how they got bumped in the first round last year and they were facing not even reaching the postseason after making the trade for Kidd. However, it seems every ESPN talking head has been predicting Dallas to upset, which has me nervous. No matter. Mavericks in 6.
(3) San Antonio vs. (6) Phoenix
I made this prediction before today’s game, which I had on while doing some odds and ends around the house. I’m pulling for the Suns, but I just can’t. Spurs in 6.
(4) Utah vs. (5) Houston
I like T-Mac. Really. I do. But like how I can’t discount the Spurs in the first round, I can’t discount Houston from NOT advancing. Jazz in 5.
SECOND ROUND
(1) Los Angeles vs. (4) Utah
Remember my comment about the Nuggets? Insert “Nuggets” for “Jazz.” Los Angles in 5.
(2) San Antonio vs. Dallas (7)
I had the Spurs advancing in the first round, but I’ll go for the upset here. Mavs in 6.
THIRD ROUND
(1) Los Angles vs. Dallas (7)
Oh what the heck, I’ll call it. Mavericks in 6.
Finals
(1) Boston vs. Dallas (7)
I’m such a party pooper to not have LAKERS VS. CELTICS. Whatever. Hooray for anti-climatic Championship Series. Celtics in 5.
There is, really, one thing to see here. And we all know what it is...it's JERRY LAWLER VS. MARK HENRY!
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Ok, not really. So, Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Mr. Perfect are on commentary.
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The first match here is Justin Hawk Bradshaw w/Uncle Zebekiah vs. Savio Vega in a CARIBBEAN Strap Match. Yeah, funny how they posted two of those in one update.
Blow-by-Blow: Why is Harvey Wippleman a referee? Anyway, after Vega cuts a promo in the back, Bradshaw whips Vega with the strap a BUNCH of times, before Vega can finally get hooked up to it. Anyway, there's some ECW guys in the crowd...this guy with blonde hair and a beer can spits at Savio Vega, why, whoever could that be? Some guy with a hat is holding him and this other dude back, before they get ordered to the back. BTW, other dude, was wearing a short that he usually wears when I see him wrestle. But I can't remember his damn name! Vega gives Bradshaw a back suplex after some buckle touching, then he lashes Bradshaw's back with the strap. Vega touches three turnbuckles...but Bradshaw pulls him down to the canvas, then gives Vega a big boot. Bradshaw follows it up with a lariat, and drags Vega across the ring to each turnbuckle. Vega's touching all of them right behind Bradshaw, and hey, Bradshaw accidentally pulls Vega into the fourth buckle, just like how Austin did so at Beware of Dog 2. Vega wins at 7:07 via corner touching.
Match Analysis: Nowhere near as good as the Vega/Austin match, but respectable enough, I suppose. Match is *3/4, just because I'm in a good mood. Now, I've gotta wonder...what's up with them posting a two shows, each of which contain a strap match. Coincidence?
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Anyway, Jim Cornette taunted Jose Lothario for a few weeks, so now, they're going to face each other.
Blow-by-Blow: In the lockerroom before this match, Diesel and Razor Ramon attacked Savio Vega. WHAT THE FUCK OMG THEY'RE BACK IN TEH WWFWii! Really though, of course that's not the real Diesel and the real Razor Ramon. Anyway, they should've posted this event next month, given that Lothario is a LATINO LEGEND. Lothario punches Cornette, rams him into the buckle, and covers him after a left uppercut for the win at 0:56.
Match Analysis: Negative stars just for making a mockery of wrestling. How many, though. Let's see here...one for each participant. -**. I love Cornette, but this idea, oh boy, it sucks. Please, no more of this, ever.
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We go to a split-screen ad for the SUPERSTAR HOTLINE. On one side, we have Marc Mero and Sable. On the other, we have Faarooq Asad and Sunny. Guess what, these two are going to face each other in the Finals of the Intercontinental Title Tournament, on RAW.
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Here comes Brian Pillman to the ring...hell yes. He's a loose cannon, you see. Before this segment, we saw a video in which Bret Hart called Pillman and Owen Hart liars. Well, now Pillman calls Owen Hart out here, to talk. Owen's the best, you see. Now Steve Austin comes out...to music that sounds a lot like that of Chris Masters. Austin says that Bret Hart is a chicken, because Bret was supposed to be there, and well, he isn't. I'm sure that's where the "liars" comment comes from, Owen and Pillman probably talked the Hart appearance up. Austin wants you to put an 's' in front of Hitman, cause that's what he thinks about Bret. Now that's uncalled for. All done.
Good segment, too.
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We see a Mark Henry video of him touring Philadelphia...then a video of Psycho Sid doing a chat on America Online. He's too good to do the typing himself.
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Next up, we have Owen Hart and the British Bulldog squaring off against The Smokin' Gunns w/Sunny for the WWF Tag Team Championships.
Blow-by-Blow: For some reason, a poster comes down out of the rafters, and the commentators sell it as being ruined by Bulldog and Owen. Ok. Anyhow, Clarence Mason comes to the ring, which distracts Owen enough to be rolled up from behind by Billy Gunn, although it only gets a 2 count. Owen does his arm-wringer reversal sequence, but Billy takes him down with a shoulderblock. Owen quickly respnds with a hiptoss and an armdrag, before giving Billy a crossbody for 2. Owen cradles Billy for 2, but Bart comes in and slams Owen to the canvas. He misses an elbowdrop, which allows Bulldog to tag in, only to be shoulderblocked. Bulldog rolls Bart up for 2, then gives him a dropkick and an armdrag. Owen tags in and chopblocks Bart (good move right there), then begins to go to work on the leg. He applies an INDIAN DEATHLOCK, then goes right to a BOSTON CRAB, but Bart grabs the ropes. Bulldog tags in and delivers with a delayed vertical suplex (Owen and Bulldog are pretty over as babyfaces, I should add. But it's Philly.), and then a legdrop which gets a 2 count. Owen continues the assualt with a leg snap, then he goes all 1980's on us with a spinning toehold. Bart eventually cradles Owen for 2, but Owen comes right back with an enziguri, not allowing Bart to gain any momentum. Billy suckers Bulldog over to the corner so that Bart can give him a clothesline, and he tags into the match. He rams Bulldog into the steps, then Bart comes right back in, but only for a second. Billy comes in with a poetry in clothesline (you like that), before tagging Bart back into the match. They give Bulldog the SIDEWINDER (a kickass move if you haven't seen it), but the referee gets distracted by Clarence Mason. Owen hits Billy in the head, and Bulldog covers him for...a 2 count. That was close. Bart tags in and gives Bulldog a bodyslam, before tagging Billy right back into the action. Billy goes to the chinlock...but that doesn't last long at all, as Bart comes in. He tries to give Bulldog a taste of his own medicine (meaning Bulldog's finisher), but Bulldog slips off Bart's shoulder and pushes Bart into an unsuspecting Billy. That allows Bulldog to give Bart the RUNNING POWERSLAM, for the pinfall victory at 11:00. The crowd goes nuts, and we have new champs! After the match, Sunny calls the Gunns wannabe cowboys. So she quits. Figures.
Match Analysis: First things first, the reason that Clarence Mason came to the ring was because he stole Owen and Bulldog's contracts out from under Jim Cornette. I suppose that makes sense. As for the match itself, it was quite good, well, as good a match as you'd expect. Which is average, btw. I enjoyed it, but I call it right down the middle. **1/2.
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Kevin Kelly is with Mankind and Paul Bearer...Shawn has not yet felt the sort of pain that Mankind is about to inflict upon him.
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Jerry Lawler is taking on Mark Henry...
Blow-by-Blow: Mark Henry is wearing something...I can't even say exactly what it is. Something Madusa would wear. Anyway, Lawler says that Henry can't get out of a headlock, so Lawler gives him one. Of course, Henry gets out of it, and reverses to a hammerlock to boot. This guy has SKILLZ! Now, Henry applies a headlock, and Lawler reverses out to a hammerlock. Henry reverses that into a hammerlock of his own, then he tosses Lawler into the turnbuckle. Lawler tries a bodyslam, but he can't pick Henry up, so Henry gives Lawler a gorilla press slam, nearly killing Lawler in the process. Lawler can't shoulderblock Henry, so Henry tosses Lawler out and into the guardrail. Lawler distracts the referee on his way in so he can grab a fist pack out of his tights, then he hits Henry with it. That doesn't do anything, so Henry gives Lawler an ARGENTINE BACKBREAKER for the submission at 5:09. Boo. Anyway, AL SNOW runs in to attack Henry, but Henry tosses him out of the ring. The same thing happens to Marty Jannetty, and lastly, Hunter Hearst Helmsley runs in and gets gorilla pressed to the outside, landing on both of the New Rockers. Yeesh, they really did punish Helmsley.
Match Analysis: S-Q-U-A-S-H. Not a very good one either. Thank goodness the WWF saw the light and decided not to unleash this manbeast upon us all until the following year. Oh, the rating. 1/2*. Lawler's always good for a laugh.
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Next match and the beginning of part 2 of this program (as seen on WWE 24/7) is The Undertaker vs. Goldust w/Marlena in a Final Curtain Match. That means, there must be a winner by pinfall, and there are no disqualifications. Simple, eh?
Blow-by-blow: Before this match starts, we see an ad for next month's PPV, In Your House: Buried Alive. At that show, Mankind is going to face the Undertaker in a Buried Alive Match. It'll be non-sanctioned, and in case Mankind wins the WWF Title, the non-sanction means that the title wouldn't be on the line, in any case. So, now for the match. Taker rams Goldust right into the buckle, then gives him a choketoss. Quick start for the PHENOM. Taker gives Goldust a legdrop for 2, but Goldust responds with a swinging neckbreaker after bailing to the outside. Taker gives Goldust a big boot and a suplex as if to say, "that shit don't hurt me," but the cover only gets 2. OLD SCHOOL TIME, and then Taker tosses Goldust over the top and to the floor. Goldust grabs some...gold dust, and flings it in the eyes of Taker. He now chokes Taker, before ramming him into the announce table. Back in, and Goldust gives Taker a clothesline for 2. Goldust chokes Taker with his boot, then applies a headlock, which Taker back suplexes out of. Goldust gives Taker a hiptoss for 2, in an attempt to disallow Taker from gaining control of the matchup. Goldust whips Taker into the buckle, but Taker comes out fiercely with some punches and a chokehold. A Goldust powerslam only gets 2, so Taker fires off the ropes with a clothesline. Taker misses a charge, and Goldust goes to the top, only to be chokeslammed from all the way up there. TOMBSTONE CITY, and Taker wins at 10:18. That feud is OVAAAH.
Match Analysis: If most of the matches were like this one, THANK GOD it is. Match wasn't very good at all, but hey, it ended without interference. That was a surprise, and we'll give this one *1/2. Of course, both would move on to bigger things. Don't know if I can say that Goldust moved on to a higher profile feud...he kinda didn't. If these matches had been better, well, who knows.
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Kevin Kelly interviews Shawn Michaels...who is a bit nervous about this title defense, to put it that way.
Yeah, Mankind w/Paul Bearer is facing Shawn Michaels w/Jose Lothario for the WWF Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Mankind comes down to the ring inside of a casket during his entrance...of course, I love that. Both lock-up to start, and Mankind gives Shawn a quick back elbow. He then backdrops Shawn, and gives him a CACTUS CLOTHESLINE, which of course sends both men down to the floor. Mankind kicks Shawn into the guardrail, before peeling off the padding at ringside, which exposes the concrete floor. Shawn dropkicks the padding onto Mankind, then he stomps on Mankind, who has the padding on top of him. Funny. Anyway, he gives Mankind a crossbody from the 2nd turnbuckle, then Shawn jumps off the apron and rams Mankind's head into the floor. Back in, and Shawn comes off the top with a double axhandle. A clothesline follows, and so does a bodyslam and a FLYING ELBOW from up top. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, so Mankind dives out of the ring, to avoid SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Mankind takes Shawn down to the canvas back inside the ring, so they brawl. He goes for the MANDIBLE CLAW, but nope, he can't get it. Instead, he gives Shawn a clothesline, then tosses Shawn out of the ring. Mankind pulls a table over, but Shawn flies over the table and jumps on top of Mick. Shawn suplexes Mankind into the steel steps, and back on the inside, he gives Mankind a chopblock. Shawn then rams Mankind's left knee into the casket, before giving him a dragon screw. To the FIGURE-FOUR we go, and once Mankind makes the ropes, Shawn gets up and dropkicks him in the knee. Shawn applies a half-crab now, but Mankind makes it to the ropes again. Shawn follows it up with a sunset flip, but that only gets a 2 count. Mankind gives Shawn a hotshot in an attempt to regain control...and now, Mankind stabs himself in the knee with a pen, to regain feeling in his knee. Mankind rams Shawn into the casket, then puts him in the corner, for the running knee to head. Mankind then slams Shawn's head into the canvas, but Shawn replies with a back suplex. Mankind shoots HBK into the corner, so HBK goes upside down and into tree of woe position. Mankind notices this situation, and gives him two elbowdrops, as he generally would. A big boot puts Shawn out of the ring, but Mankind accidentally knees the steps, after missing a charge. That shit must hurt. Shawn then drop-toe holds Mankind face-first into the steps, before trying to suplex him back into the ring. He can't, though, so Mankind suplexes Shawn onto the ring apron. Mankind tries to charge into Shawn, but he misses, and hits the ringpost. So...Shawn gives Mankind a flying back elbow inside the ring, and a powerslam to boot, for a 2 count. Shawn tosses Mankind into the ropes, and Mick does the thing where he hangs by his neck. Awesome. He applies the MANDIBLE CLAW(!) while tied in the ropes, then slips out of the ropes, thanks to the official. On the outside, Shawn rams Mick into the guardrail, and gets a chair, which Mick punches on accident. Shawn hits Mankind on the knee with the chair, and then right on the hand, before going crazy on the hand work. Inside of course, Shawn stomps all over Mick's hand, but Mankind responds with a backdrop, sending Shawn over the top and to the floor. Mankind elbowdrops Shawn from the apron, and does the thing where he runs from the ring, slides under the bottom rope, and gives his opponent a swinging neckbreaker. Yeah, that's great. A DOUBLE-ARM DDT is delivered to Shawn, but it only gets a 2 couont. A Mankind piledriver also gets 2, which incenses the big lug. He tosses two chairs into the ring now, and opens up the casket. Shawn absolutely will not get pushed in there though, and he comes back with the flying forearm/kip-up combo. Crowd goes nut, but a crossbody from the top only gets a 2 count. Up top Shawn goes, but Mankind crotches him, and sets him up for a big move. A back suplex to be exact, but Shawn reverses it to a crossbody and both FLY THROUGH A TABLE. Yo. After a bit, Mankind gets on the top rope with a chair, but Shawn sets up the other chair and launches into Mankind with SWEET CHIN MUSIC! The cover only gets a 2 count though, which brings Vader down to the ring, for the disqualification at 26:25. Mankind hits Shawn in the head with the URN, and here's SID! He brawls to the back with Vader, and now, Mankind wants to put Shawn in the casket. Paul Bearer opens it, and...there's THE UNDERTAKER. Taker tosses Mankind out and chases him to the back, which ends the show.
Match Analysis: Wow. Just, wow. I can't give it ***** because of the non-finish, but had there been a finish, I definitely would've given it full marks. We'll go with ****3/4, and this is probably the best, I don't know, non-thumbtack and fly through cell match of Foley's career, that I've seen. Keywords: That I've seen. I wish Foley would've won, although his title win two years later wouldn't have happened, and if it didn't, we don't have that great moment. So I guess I'm glad that he didn't win the title.
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Rating: At best, it's a decent show. The crap that's on this show is pretty crappy, to say the least. Lothario/Cornette has no business even happening, much less being on PPV. Same with Lawler/Henry.
Best Segment: HBK/Mankind. At least we got a bitchin' match out of a less than spectacular PPV.
Worst Segment: Lothario/Cornette. Please, don't ever do that to me.
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Badd Blood 2003 review will be up on Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. I'm not too happy that this was voted onto 24/7 over a show like Fall Brawl 2000.
Normally, I think remakes are a horrible idea. Here's 10 movies that I would actually like to see get remade.
10.) The Thirsty Dead-A boring 1970's exploitation quickie from the Philippines about Beautiful young women being kidnapped by a blood cult. The premise may seem fun, but it's a pretty dull, tame affair, that has a PG rating. An updated, R-rated version probably wouldn't hurt.
9.) Curse of the Screaming Dead-Painfully bad zombie movie that may be the "Manos" of zombie movies. Even if a remake of it was made-and it ended up sucking-it wouldn't be worse than the original.
8.) Grizzly-Everyone has seen this movie. It's one of those forgettable nature's revenge movies that came after "Jaws." A remake wouldn't be that bad.
7.) Body Melt-I like this movie, I really do. That out of the way, it makes no sense, and the plot is basically a series of vignettes. A remake with a clearer plot-that kept the gory comedy of the original-would probably be a good idea.
6.) Carnosaur-I love this movie-it's so inept, it's hilarious. Plus, it has Clint Howard telling disgusting stories to people in a diner. That out of the way, it's not faithful to the book at all, and an remake that's more faithful to the source material would be great.
5.) The Dark-Bad in every sense of the word evil alien movie produced by Dick Clark of all people.
4.) Hard Rock Zombies-Horrible attempt at Horror/Comedy that tries too hard and succeeds at nothing. Make it a "Spinal Tap" style spoof.
3.) The Manitou-Decent adaptation of a story by an excellent author in Graham Masterson. I like it, but a remake wouldn't hurt.
2.) The Ghastly Ones-Andy Milligan is one of those early, H.G. Lewis style gore directors who was inept, but at least had laughable movies-that were also too talky. Do a remake that cuts some of the talk.
1.) The Corpse Grinders-Ever see a movie that you are amazed escaped MST3K? Here's one for you, fromt he director of "Girl with the Golden Boots" and the man that gave you "Eegah!" The plot: A local cat food producer uses a corpse grinding machine on human copses found in a graveyard, and uses the bits in cat food. Side effects include murderous felines. I say remake it as a splatter comedy (but don't try too hard to be campy-ie play it straight, that helps the comedy.)
I wasn't sure what to put in the "from" part of the title, so I just said, "from South Carolina." I think that'll suffice.
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The video to open flashes back to RAW, when Diana Smith, um, said that Shawn Michaels wanted her. Yeah, really. Anyway, I suppose that set this whole thing up, and on commentary, we have Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
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Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/some woman vs. Marc Mero w/Sable is the first match.
Blow-by-Blow: Michael Hayes gives Mero an interview, thankfully it's short, because it's brutal. Anyway, Mero runs right into the ring and clobbers HHH, to start the match. Mero chases HHH as he runs around the ring, which allows HHH to get the better when both come back in the ring. Both men trade punches which knocks HHH out of the ring, so Mero gives HHH a tope suicida. Mero sends HHH back in, and follows with a slingshot legdrop, which gets a 2 count. Mero sends HHH into the buckle where HHH goes upside down, then hits him with a big left hand for 2. Mero misses a charge to the corner, and unfortunately, he also gets rammed into the ringpost. HHH gives Mero a single-arm DDT, and a high knee for a 2 count. HHH goes to the armbar, but Mero rolls him up for a 2 count. Mero tries for a backslide, but Mero's left arm is hurt, so HHH rams it into the ringpost, twice. HHH wrenches on Mero's arm, before applying a cross-armbreaker. Poor Mero. He won't quit though, so instead, he makes the ropes. HHH gives Mero a kneedrop, then goes to a wristlock. Mero reverses a HHH back suplex into a rolling clutch hold, which gives him a 2 count. A HHH clothesline only gets a 2 count, so HHH goes to the top. He comes down with a big chop, then applies an armbar on Mero. HHH kneedrops Mero's arm twice, then gives him a hammerlock slam. Up to the top HHH goes, but Mero crotches him and gives him a FRANKENSTEINER. Mero then gives HHH a flying headscissors, and a kneelift. Then a backdrop, and Mero comes off the top rope with a sunset flip for 2. I don't understand the advantages of doing a top rope sunset flip as opposed to a regular one. A dropkick knocks HHH over the top and out of the ring, so Mero tries to fly out with a tope con hilo. He missed, and hurt his knee. Well, it looked legit, but I doubt that it was. Anyway, HHH stalls by berating Sable, and when he goes for the PEDIGREE, Mero slingshots HHH into the ringpost which gets Mero the pinfall victory at 16:24.
Match Analysis: Well, this was the beginning of HHH's punishment for the whole Kliq incident, I suppose. It was certain he would lose anyway to a debuting wrestler, but still. By punishment, I mean that he lost almost every match for the next few months, few meaning until October. He only beat guys like Aldo Montoya, Bob Holly, and Freddie Joe Floyd. Then he won the Intercontinental Title from Marc Mero and all was forgiven. Oh yeah, the match rating. ***1/2. Very good selling from Mero, and the psychology was top notch. Can't stand when guys with hurt arms do backslides and the like.
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Mr. Perfect is with Jim Cornette, and the rest of the British Bulldog's posse. Owen Hart has obtained a managerial license, for one night only. Well I'll be damned. Also, Michael Hayes interviews Shawn Michaels. Power of the KLIQ and all that.
The power went off, so we skip all the way forward to the main event of show #1, that being The British Bulldog w/Diana Smith and Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels w/Jose Lothario for the World Wrestling Federation Championship.
Blow-by-Blow: Before the match, Clarence Mason says that Shawn Michaels will be served with a lawsuit. Uh, why? The dumb angle with Diana Smith is just that, dumb. Anyway, Shawn tears the lawsuit papers, which incenses Bulldog to the point where he attacks Shawn. Shawn misses a charge to the corner, but he gives Bulldog an armdrag. Shawn then avoids Bulldog's attempts at an attack, but he tries a SWEET CHIN MUSIC. Well, Bulldog ducks out because he's the smart one, so Shawn gives him a pescado. Back in the ring, they lock up, and Shawn takes Bulldog to the canvas with a headlock. Shawn tries a rollup, but nothing happens, and Bulldog gives Shawn a bearhug. Shawn pins Bulldog for a 2 count after Bulldog ducks to avoid the on-rushing Michaels, then Shawn gives Bulldog an enziguri, which gets a 2 count as well. Shawn applies an armbar, then gives Bulldog a hiptoss and goes to a short-arm scissors. Bulldog does the 'whole power out and pick my opponent up so I can drop them to the canvas thing,' which I like. Bulldog then gives Shawn a backdrop, before picking Shawn up by his hair and dropping him to the canvas. Bulldog then gives Shawn a headbutt, before going to the chinlock. Boo. After a brief moment, Bulldog picks Shawn up in an ARGENTINE BACKBREAKER. Shawn tries a crucifix, but instead, Bulldog just gives him a modified samoan drop. He's tough, oh yeah. A legdrop from the Bulldog gets a 2 count, so Bulldog goes right back to the chinlock. This whole match is, I don't know, weird. Both men run the ropes now, and Shawn falls out of the ring after ducking a clothesline, which made me laugh even more. Bulldog tosses him into the guardrail, then into the apron, before heading back in. While taunting Shawn, Shawn knocks him down to the canvas and gives him a slingshot clothesline, which gets 2. Both collide in the center of the ring, but Shawn gets up first, and delivers a flying forearm to the head of the Bulldog. Of course, Shawn kips up, and he slams Bulldog, before going up top and giving him a double axhandle for 2. Bulldog runs into the official, so now Shawn can give him a flying elbow off the top, too. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND...and kicks Owen, who tried to sneak attack Shawn. Obviously that didn't work. We now have a new ref, and after Bulldog is unable to give Shawn the RUNNING POWERSLAM, Shawn knocks Bulldog into the buckle. A german suplex follows, and we have a three count at 17:22. The winner is...THE BRITISH BULLDOG. OMG WTF NEW CHAMPION. The rest of Camp Cornette is celebrating, and Diana Smith is standing in the aisle with the championship. Wait a second, the other referee just so happens to raise Shawn Michaels hand. OMG WTF SAME CHAMPION. Gorilla Monsoon takes the belt away from her, and he says the winner of this match is....NOBODY. WE HAVE A DRAW. That means Shawn Michaels stays champion, and we'll need to have a rematch, which of course would later take place at King of the Ring '96.
Match Analysis: Uh, while I like the double pin finish for some reason, this match was wonky the whole way through. Not bad, just weird. The power outtage must've had something to do with it. I can't possibly see rating this match as anything but average, so we'll slap a **1/2 rating on this one. Could've been lots better, in my opinion. I read that they had another match laid out, but the power outtage kinda killed it. Wonder if that was the match they wound up doing at King of the Ring or not. Anyway, we'll never know.
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Beware of Dog 2 now begins...yeah, this took place on Tuesday of that week. Jim Ross and Mr. Perfect are on commentary, and to start things off, we're going to have Steve Austin w/Ted DiBiase vs. Savio Vega in a CARIBBEAN Strap Match. If Steve Austin loses, Ted DiBiase will be forced to leave the WWF. If Savio Vega loses, he'll have to be Ted DiBiase's chauffeur. If you've never seen a strap match (I'm sure you all have), to win, you must drag your opponent around the ring and touch all four corners. Simple..sure. Also, during show #1, this match (and others) went on, in the DARK. Yes, it was dark, and definitely dangerous.
Blow-by-Blow: So yeah, what a way to start #2. At the start, Austin won't let Vega into the ring, so he uses the strap to keep Vega out. Smart move. Bell rings and both are hooked up to the strap, which Vega uses to scare Austin back out of the ring. Now Vega gives Austin a backdrop on the inside, causing Austin to bail out. Well, Vega pulls him right back in, and whips him with the strap. Hell yes. I love strap matches. Austin tries to bail out again, but Vega whips him, and suplexes him back into the ring. A spinning heel kick from Vega follows, as Vega tries to touch the corners. He touches two, but gets stopped dead in his tracks as Austin pulls him down to the canvas. Austin whips Vega with the strap, then punches away, as both men brawl on the outside. Austin straps Vega, then sends him into the guardrail. Austin now suplexes Vega in, and drags him to three of the corners...but Vega pulls Austin back into the third turnbuckle, hard. Vega clotheslines Austin before beating him with the strap, but Austin backdrops Vega over the top, only to be pulled over the top by the strap. Austin tries a suplex out there, but Vega counters and gives him one of his own. Oh no. Austin tries to give Vega a double axhandle off the ring apron, but he misses. Back in, and Vega ties Austin up, going for some turnbuckles. He touches three of them, but Austin trips him, preventing him from getting to the fourth. Vega places Austin on the top rope, but Austin pushes Vega down to the canvas. Austin stands up, and...Vega crotches him, then gives him a superplex. This match is great. Vega now touches three of the turnbuckle, almost to fo...but Austin gives him a spinebuster just as I'm writing that down. I'm not trying to be Moses Malone with the fo' thing, don't worry about that. Austin tries a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, but Vega reverses, Austin reverses, while heading to the corner. Austin tries to hang Vega from the top rope, but instead, he goes for an axhandle off the top to the outside, and he misses. Ouch, that hurt. Austin rams Vega into the steps anyway, and in we go. Vega places Austin on his shoulders and touches three buckles, before Austin can pull him down to the canvas. Austin gives Vega a piledriver (ooh), but Millionaire Ted doesn't want just one, he wants another. Vega backdrops Austin though, but Austin comes right back with a MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. This guy just won't quit. Vega carries Austin on his back as the hold is applied, so he can touch two turnbuckles, but Vega can't take it, so he kicks off the turnbuckles, launching his body onto Austin's. Austin now ties Vega up and drags him by the neck, but Vega's touching the turnbuckles right after Austin. 1, 2...3 (little hesitation, as Austin almost pulled him too fast. Neat touch that got the crowd a little worked up), and now, they're pulling at each other, trying to keep the other one from touching the last turnbuckle. Vega stops pulling while Austin's pulling too hard, so that launches Vega past Austin and into the fourth turnbuckle, giving him the win at 21:23. Of course, that wasn't how Austin justified it, but hey, I try to call it how it looks. Oh yeah, DiBiase's gone. See ya.
Match Analysis: Hell of a match. Hell of a match. I deliberately typed that twice, for emphasis. That's gotta be the best thing I've seen from Vega, and, well, Austin's great. You knew that, though. I could probably watch that a few more times, and I'm sure I'll watch it once more. I wonder how Vega's strap match with Bradshaw at Mind Games was, but hey, I'm reviewing that next! ****. I checked the Dave Meltzer list, and he has it the same. There's my justification, but he's a journalist and can't be trusted! And yes, I am one of those dudes that likes to look and see how other people's rankings compare to mine. But I only check after I watch the show and rate the matches.
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Vader w/Jim Cornette vs. Yokozuna is up next.
Blow-by-Blow: Man, the WWF fucked Vader's run up. It rings ever true when you hear the reaction he got here. Guy was over. Yoko is just too large...Jesus. Both men slug it out to start, and Yoko gets the better of it. So now, Vader wants a sumo challenge type thing. They stall for a bad 3 or 4 minutes, and Yoko wins their sumo challenge, by knocking Vader over. Yoko clotheslines Vader over the top, but Vader comes back in, and punches away at Yoko. Yoko drops the elbow on Vader's leg twice, because Vader broke his leg on RAW a few months back, you see. Vader tries a bodyslam, but Yokozuna gives him a uranage instead. A samoan drop from Yokozuna follows, then Yoko goes upstairs for the BANZAI DROP. Jim Cornette steps to Yoko, so Yoko tosses him in. After a headbutt, he goes to give Corny a BANZAI DROP, but Vader pulls Cornette out from under Yoko, causing Yoko to rock the ring with his giant ass. VADER BOMB, and thankfully, it's over, at 8:55.
Match Analysis: This one made Vader look sorta weak, although you have to take into account that he's facing a giant human being. Still, weak. The match sucked balls, and I advise that all of you fast-forward past it. 1/4*.
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The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer vs. Goldust w/Marlena in a CASKET MATCH for the Intercontinental Title is our "main event."
Blow-by-Blow: It's a good thing that Vince isn't on commentary for this. It would be unbearable. So, we see a video of Goldust's exploits on RAW the night previous...yes, that was the night where he gave Ahmed Johnson "CPR." As far as that segment goes, I think that's pushing the envelope a little too far. Just a little. I looked for a video so the rest of you could see, but I couldn't find one. Anyway, the bell tolls, lights go out, and hey, Paul Bearer's coming down the aisle, but the Undertaker's in the ring! He rams Goldust into the canvas, then the turnbuckle, before giving Goldust a back elbow. Goldust gets a little too close to the casket, which scares him, so he backs away. Only to be thrown on top of the casket, that is. Taker rams Goldust into the steps, then the casket, before bringing him back in. Bodyslam and a legdrop, then OLD SCHOOL. Well, it isn't really old school, cause it's current school. Anyway, Taker misses a charge to the corner, which allows Goldust to gain control. A Goldust slam doesn't do a whole lot, and neither does a Goldust TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER. Goldust clotheslines Taker so he can put him in the casket, but the casket will not shut. Taker storms out and gives Goldust a big boot, but Goldust responds by backdropping Taker over the top rope. Goldust rams Taker into the steel steps, and chokes him with a TV cord for good measure. Back inside, Goldust gives Taker a sleeper, presumably to put him out for good. It works, but once inside the casket, Taker won't let the thing close. Goldust tries to lie on the casket in order to get it shut, but Taker throws him off and to the floor. Back in we go, and Taker clotheslines Goldust right back over the top. Taker grabs a chair, but Goldust kicks him, and gives him a clothesline before going back into the ring. Goldust gives Taker a powerslam, and a clothesline from up top, before covering Taker. Uh...easily explainable within the context of the match, so who cares how dumb it looks. Anyway, Goldust tries OLD SCHOOL, but Taker pulls him down to the canvas. What a mistake. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER from Taker, now Taker brings Goldust over to the canvas. When the casket is opened...there's MANKIND! How the fuck do they do that (meaning make a guy appear inside of the casket), anyway? Mankind applies the MANDIBLE CLAW, then stuffs Taker into the casket, and shuts it, giving Goldust the win at 12:38. MWHAHAHAHA. Mankind now locks the casket, which causes smoke to come out of the thing. Whoa dudes. Goldust and Mankind leave, then the casket opens and...there's NOBODY THERE. Now, how the fuck do they do that? Anyway, lights out much like on Sunday Night, and the show's over.
Match Analysis: Far better than I thought. Still average though, but a different average than the average displayed in Shawn/Davey. This is a good average, as in, you sure as hell wouldn't expect this. Shawn/Davey was bad average, the average I sure as hell don't want to see. **1/2. Like I said, average. There was one thing I liked though, even though Goldust couldn't beat Taker by himself, he was put over quite well. Being able to "hang" with a main-eventer puts someone over well, I feel. Or it used to.
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Rating: Let's see, we've got five matches. Four of them are **1/2 or above. Now, what do you think I have to give this? Well, I'll say it's great. How about that? Yeah, I favor cards that are able to give me as much good or average as possible. Little to no bad is a definite plus.
Best Segment: Caribbean Strap Match. Yeah.
Worst Segment: Yokozuna vs. Vader. Boo.
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Mind Games review will be up next. Maybe even Saturday. Who knows, with these two hour shows. If you can't tell, I really enjoy reviewing WWF shows. I don't know why, but my match analyses are longer when doing them. Maybe because they haven't posted many WCW shows from what I'd call my DOMAIN. When they did, my hand was hurt. Don't forget that.
Seeing as comments have tapered off a bit, I'd like to remind everyone that comments are encouraged. I realize that comments kinda going away may have a bit to do with the 24/7 folder, too. Tomorrow I might go through the trouble of cataloguing everything so that it's easier to find.
I wanted to watch this, just because of the WWE Title Match. The rest looks good on paper, but not too exciting.
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What in the world is this opening video? It's funny, though, as is the entrance setup. It's funny, but absurd all the same.
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The first match is Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio in a...STRETCHER MATCH. Have to push the stretcher with your opponent on it over the line, remember? The other choices were a shillelagh on a pole match, and a NO DQ match.
Blow-by-blow: This should be fun, but for some reason, this show doesn't feel like a PPV. We lock-up, and Finlay pushes Rey away. Both slap each other, and Finlay takes Rey to the canvas. Finlay knees Rey in the back, and tosses him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Finlay clotheslines Rey, and tosses him onto the stretcher, which was outside of the ring. He tossed him like a fish at that place in Seattle. Anyway, here's a lot of stretcher based stuff. Rey kicks the stretcher into Finlay, but Finlay stops that and gives him a front suplex onto the stretcher. Finlay tosses him into the apron, and begins to wheel Rey towards the line, but it's not the end. Finlay gets in the ring, and gives Rey a European uppercut. Finlay rams Rey's throat into the ring apron, but Rey comes back with a flying headscissors, and a seated dropkick. We go to the outside, where Rey kicks Finlay in the head. Both men get in the ring, and go for the shillelagh that's on that pole over there. Finlay ries to get it first, but he's not able to, as Rey dropkicks him in the nuts. Rey goes for the shillelagh , but Finlay pushes him to the canvas. Finlay goes for it, and gets powerbombed off the top by Rey. Rey grabs the shillelagh, and hits Rey in the knee with it, twice. Rey dropkicks Finlay, but gets knocked onto the stretcher. Rey gets off, and kicks Finlay in the knee, before ramming the stretcher into Finlay's nuts. Rey gives him a modified 619 at the ring apron, and gives him a somersault pescado while Finlay is on the stretcher. Cool visual. Rey tries to roll Finlay across the line, but the stretcher is caught around a TV cable. HAHAHA. That was funny. Fortunately, the improvisation is very good. Finlay rams Rey into the stretcher and charges at him, but Rey flapjacks him onto the stretcher, causing Finlay's momentum to roll the stretcher across the line, for the win at 9:45.
Match Analysis: I like the improvised finish, and I liked the match just as much. It was good, as I expected, and just as good as their match at No Mercy. Same rating, **1/2.
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Matt Hardy's bleeding on the Smackdown prior to this show was nuts. And his face is MASHED. MVP's with him, and says they can't fight. That said, MVP has a tough match ahead, later.
And then, JBL campaigns to be the referee in the match later, between The Undertaker and Batista.
Last in this run of segments, we have some Diva costume crap. Good Lord. Maria's wearing a cat outfit (very nice), and Victoria's dressed as Yokozuna. Ron Simmons comes into the picture during Victoria's little thing and says, well, what else.
DAMN.
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I guess that's how we lead into the match between...THE MIZ and CM Punk, for the ECW Title. The other choices to challenge Punk were Big Daddy V and John Morrison. Needless to say, I'd rather have seen Punk face the last one than the others.
Blow-by-blow: Both wrestlers lock up, until Miz takes him down. This is a LOT of chain wrestling to start, and it ain't that good. We'll go past that, to when they start doing things right. Punk gives Miz a leg lariat, and a snapmare, before kicking him in the back. Punk gives Miz a slingshot suplex (one of my favorite moves), for a 2 count. Punk knees Miz a bunch, but Miz comes back with a snapmare and a legdrop. Miz goes up top, and Punk prevents him from doing something, trying for a superplex. Punk can't do it, as Miz knocks him to the canvas. Miz gives him a snapmare for 2 (what kind of transition move for a pin is that), and rams Punk to the buckle. Then Miz gives him that running clothesline in the corner, which is the only thing he does that I like. Miz applies a neck vice, but Punk takes him to the canvas. Miz misses a charge to the corner, and Punk gives him a totally messed up springboard crossbody for 2. Wow. Miz was on his knees for some reason...after, Miz gouges Punk's eyes, and pins Punk for 2. Miz applies a chinlock, as the crowd chants "Y2J." Miz suplexes Punk and goes up top, where Punk gives him a pop-up armdrag. Punk runs into Miz, and begins to kick him in the face. Punk gives him the running knee-bulldog combination at the corner, and a springboard clothesline, for 2. Punk goes for the GO 2 SLEEP, but Miz rolls him up for 2. Punk reverses the roll-up for 2, and Miz goes for the REALITY CHECK. He can't get it, so Punk gives him a GO 2 SLEEP for the win at 8:51.
Match Analysis: This crowd is one of the worst I've ever seen, although that has little to do with the match. I'm only giving it 1/4* because the right guy went over, and I like Punk. That said, this was the worst match I've ever seen with him involved. Simply put, the Miz doesn't belong in a wrestling ring. He's AWFUL. I probably should give this a DUD, but I won't.
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Mickie James is dressed like a squaw for this costume contest, and Torrie Wilson is dressed as a Washington Redskin. I can't really describe how unprofessional this whole thing looks.
Now we get some leadup featuring Randy Orton for the WWE Title match a little later...although you can see how hard they were trying to push Shawn Michaels as the fans eventual selection. Todd Grisham's with William Regal, to determine who's going to face Orton later. The two who aren't chosen will fight each other next; the choices are Mr. Kennedy, Shawn Michaels, and Jeff Hardy. And the winner is...Shawn Michaels. Yeehaw.
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So, obviously, our next match is Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy.
Blow-by-blow: Why isn't this an Intercontinental Title match? They trying to make it seem useless? I also wonder how they determine the payouts to the wrestlers for this show. The two wrestlers lock-up, and Hardy takes Kennedy down to the canvas via a headlock. Kennedy grabs onto a headlock of his own, and turns the move into a hammerlock. He goes behind Hardy, but Hardy takes him down with a headlock of his own. Both wrestlers get up, still in the Hardy headlock, and Kennedy gives him a back suplex. Kennedy misses a charge to the corner, and Hardy dropkicks Kennedy out of the ring. Then Hardy follows him out with a plancha, and brings him back in for 1. Hardy takes Kennedy to the corner for a 10 punch, but Kennedy sneaks away and dumps Hardy to the outside. Kennedy hits him with a running boot as Hardy comes in, for 2. Kennedy goes to the chinlock, but gives Hardy a quick DDT for 2. Back to the chinlock we go as Kennedy has a bodyscissor applied, and then gets a clothesline for 2. He goes up to the 2nd rope, but Hardy follows him, and gives him a rana off there. They slug it out, until Hardy gives him two clotheslines. And then he takes Kennedy hard to the canvas, for 2. Jeff goes for the TWIST OF FATE, but gets pushed toward the turnbuckle, where he climbs up and gives Kennedy a WHISPER IN THE WIND, but it only gets a 2 count. Hardy gives Kennedy that weird enziguri he does, and tries to dropkick Kennedy in the corner, but Kennedy swipes his feet, causing Hardy to land on his head. That gets Kennedy the pinfall at 9:07.
Match Analysis: I suppose it was ok, it was just a typical RAW match. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. **, but it was heatless, just like everything else.
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Michelle McCool's dressed as Eve, and Melina's dressed like a Las Vegas showgirl.
Mick Foley's in the back for an interview, but JBL says that nobody gives a damn about Foley. So, JBL runs a campaign video...it's mostly a SMEAR CAMPAIGN! Once that's over, seeing as Foley's standing next to two of those Fathead things (one being Batista, the other, Taker), he calls JBL a fathead. That was kinda funny.
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Our next match is...KANE vs. MVP for the US Title. The other choices to face MVP were the Great Khali and Mark Henry. Needless to say, Kane was the best choice.
Blow-by-blow: MVP bails at the beginning, to take off the t-shirt he's wearing. Smart move, to waste time, anyway. They slug it out, until Kane hits him with a big boot. Kane clotheslines him twice, and gives him a side slam for 2. Kane goes up to the top rope, but MVP knocks him off, and down to the floor, where MVP quickly brings him in. He kicks Kane, and gets a two count, as he begins to go to work on Kane's midsection. He pounds on him, and gives Kane a running big boot, for 2. MVP applies a seated abdominal stretch, and kicks away at Kane's ribs when the hold has to be released. Kane finally takes over, and begins to do the same things MVP was doing. He goes with some knees to the gut, and a backbreaker. He applies an abdominal stretch, and then picks him up and rams him into the turnbuckle. Kane places MVP along the top rope, and kicks him in the gut. That was cool. Kane rams the ribs of MVP into the ringpost and...MVP stays out of the ring for a 10 count, giving Kane the countout victory at 6:39.
Match Analysis: This was headed in the right direction, that being the "this is a hell of a match" direction. And then we had that finish, washing all that goodwill down the toilet. DUD on principle.
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Before anything else, here's a Chris Jericho re-debut spot.
And now, Layla talks about the costume contest, while dressed as a cop. And Kelly Kelly's supposed to be a pimp. Let's not even talk about how gigantic her tits look.
Randy Orton's in the back, and we see video of what he did to HBK at Judgment Day. And now, everyone will have to live with the decision they made, seemingly because he's going to do the same tonight.
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So, our next match is what I've been waiting for, Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.
Blow-by-blow: Both men lock-up, and separate, before Orton gives Shawn a nice knee to the gut. He works Shawn over, until Shawn does the same. Orton ducks out of the ring on a faux SWEET CHIN MUSIC attempt, and Shawn follows him with that somersault pescado he's been doing lately. We go back in, where Shawn chops away, until Orton gives him a droptoehold. Orton grabs onto a front facelock, but Shawn reverses it into a hammerlock and tosses Orton shoulder-first into the ringpost. Shawn takes him down with a wristlock, and goes to work on the left arm. Then Shawn gives Orton a hammerlock slam, and applies a kelock. Orton gets up and stomps on Shawn's face, but misses a charge to the corner. Shawn applies a hammerlock, and gives Orton a back suplex at the same time. Shawn tosses Orton over the top and follows him to the outside, but Orton gives him a back suplex onto the retaining wall. Ouch. Orton brings Shawn in, and begins to stomp on his arm and knee. He gives Shawn a dropkick for 2, and goes to the chinlock. When Shawn powers out, Orton misses a dropkick, so Shawn gives him a jackknife pin, for 2. Orton goes for a back suplex, but Shawn reverses and lands on top of Orton for a 2 count. Orton gives Shawn the inverted backbreaker (that's what they call Mike Sanders' 3.0, so I'll call it that now too), and it gets a 2 count. Orton places Shawn on the top turnbuckle and follows him up, but Shawn pushes him down and goes for a flying elbowdrop. It misses, and Orton's ready to give Shawn an RKO. Shawn catches Orton and gives him a backslide for 2, as the crowd finally is into something tonight. Shawn gives Orton the flying forearm, and kips up, as usual. An inverted atomic drop follows, and a scoop slam. Shawn goes up to the top, and gives Orton a flying elbowdrop. Now Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Orton forearms him right in the nuts in mid-move, getting himself disqualified at 15:52. Oh boy. Orton's going to kick Shawn in the head after the match, but Shawn quickly gets up and gives him SWEET CHIN MUSIC.
Match Analysis: Does the WWE understand that people PAID to watch this shit? This is a damn PPV, not an episode of Monday Night Raw. I suppose this was the only way to book themselves out of a title change, but really now. This match was fantastic, but I don't like the ending at all. ***1/4.
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Brooke is in the back, dressed as Jane from Tarzan. And Jillian is dressed as Britney Spears. So, JR says this might be the worst costume contest he's ever seen. He said it's terrible. Good on him.
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Our next match is Triple H vs. UMAGA in a...STREET FIGHT. The other match selections were a cage match and a first blood match. So, why didn't anyone pick cage match?
Blow-by-blow: I like that Umaga squashed a jobber in all these match selections on RAW before this show. HHH meets him in the aisle during his entrance, and they brawl. Umaga headbutts HHH, and tosses him into the keyboard that's on the set. On the walkway, to be precise. And no, it isn't a real keyboard. HHH goes for the PEDIGREE, but Umaga prevents it, and they brawl behind the stage. HHH charges at Umaga, knocking both men through the stage, in a cool visual. HHH rams him into the guardrail, and they fight in the crow. Umaga charges at HHH near ringside, but flies over the guardrail, putting him near the ring. Both men get in the ring, and Umaga misses a charge to the corner, giving HHH time to grab a trash can from under the ring. Umaga gets hit with it for a 2 count, but he comes back with a samoan drop. He gives HHH multiple headbutts, and a big splash, for 2. On the outside, Umaga rams HHH into the steel steps and brings him back in, giving him a legdrop for 2. They slug it out, but Umaga gives HHH a bearhug, and then, a belly-to-belly suplex. Umaga then gives HHH the running ass to face at the corner, for 2. Umaga chases the referee out of the ring and grabs a chair, but HHH gives him a lowblow, and a DDT on the chair for 2. HHH gives Umaga the knee-to-facebuster, but gets rammed into the turnbuckle, where Umaga misses a charge. Even still, Umaga's in control, and gives HHH a catatonic. On the outside we go, where Umaga peels all the stuff off each announce table. Uh-oh. Umaga grabs a chair and swings it at HHH, but hits the ringpost. HHH rams him into the table, and Umaga does the same. Umaga places HHH on the ECW announce table, and goes over to the Smackdown announce table. And then, he runs all the way over to HHH, and splashes him through the ECW announce table. That was nice. Umaga acts all crazy after throwing HHH in the ring and goes to the top, where he misses a diving headbutt. HHH gets the SLEDGEHAMMER, but misses, as Umaga hits him in the gut. Umaga goes for the SAMOAN SPIKE, but HHH hits him with the SLEDGEHAMMER after he misses, and gives Umaga a PEDIGREE for the 3 count at 17:23.
Match Analysis: This was pedestrian street fight fare, except for the splash spot on the tables. That part was great. This was just average. We know how I rate average. **1/2. That might be an unpopular opinion. Even during all that, nobody bled.
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So, Mickie James won the costume contest. Whoop-de-doo.
Now we get the hype for Batista/Taker...and the announcement of the special guest referee. JBL says that it's time for someone with talent to grab a mic, and now, announce him as the referee. Mick Foley comes to the ring...to silence. And we find out that STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD is our referee. JBL beats up Foley, until Austin comes out, and gives Foley a STUNNER. JBL begins to beat up Austin, until Austin gives him a STUNNER. And now, for the match...
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The match is Undertaker vs. Batista with Steve Austin as the special guest referee, for the World Heavyweight Title. I really, really expect good things from this, given the way everyone talks about their matches.
Blow-by-blow: The crowd loves Batista, so we finally hear some noice. Batista misses a charge at Taker, and is given a boot to the head. Both men lock-up, and Batista gives Taker a headlock, before Taker gives him a big boot for 1. Taker rams him into the buckle, but Batista reverses and begins to shouldercharge into Taker at the corner. Taker gives Batista a back elbow, and tries to apply a triangle choke. He doesn't, though, but instead clubs away at Batista's back for 2. Jerry Lawler's on commentary with Michael Cole, presumably to sell the beating JBL received from Austin. Taker wraps Batista's arm around the top rope, but misses his charge at it. Batista knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steel steps, and then the ring apron. Back in, and Taker gives Batista a clothesline for 2. He goes for OLD SCHOOL, but is unable to complete the move. Taker misses a charge at Batista, and lies out of the ring, where Batista rams him into the steps again. Once they come back in, Batista jumps on Taker's back, until he gets thrown out of the ring. Taker places Batista's neck along the ring apron, and gives him a legdrop. The cover only gets 2, so Taker gives him 2 clotheslines. When Taker gives Batista SNAKE EYES, Batista counters with a clothesline on Taker's big boot attempt. That gets 2, and Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB. Taker takes him to the corner, but Batista whips him to the other side, where he misses a charge. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Batista catches him on the way down with a spinebuster for a 2 count. Taker applies a triangle choke, but Batista positions Taker so that his shoulders are down, forcing a 2 count that causes Taker to break the hold. Taker goes for the CHOKESLAM once, but gets elbowed away. He tries for it AGAIN, and gets the move. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER, but Batista spears him after countering, for 2. Batista goes for the BATISTA BOMB, but gets backdropped out of it. Batista droptoehold's Taker into the buckle, and goes up for the 10 punch. I know what's going to happen here. LAST RIDE by Taker, but it only gets a 2 count. Taker goes for a TOMBSTONE, but gets spinebustered by Batista for 2. Batista gives him the BATISTA BOMB for 2, and ANOTHER gets the 3 count, at 17:25. So, Batista retains his title.
Match Analysis: Hell, I didn't expect the match to be THAT good. But it was. ***1/2, for the Match of the Night. That was really fun, and had I not already known who would win, well, who would know, given the way that match went. And that's the end of the show.
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Rating: Decent. That wasn't a very easy call to make, given two complete non-finishes in seemingly important matches, one botched finish (even though I liked it) and a terrible costume contest. If I ever watch this show again, I'll only watch the end.
Best Segment: Taker/Batista. I think Orton/HBK would have been the better match with a finish, though.
Worst Segment: Costume Contest. Self explanatory.
Loudest Sound: Basically, I'm just going to list the people that got a modicum of crowd reaction. HHH, Batista, Undertaker, Shawn, and Randy Orton.
No Sound: Everyone else. Basically this was the worst crowd I've ever seen, and the WWE shouldn't go back to DC for a PPV anytime soon.
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My next up will have thoughts from the MSG show that's on 24/7, and Smackdown from last night. Should be up on Monday.
