8:30 p.m.
• Looks like I'm not the only one going senile in the kkk household. You can figure out who is who:
"What were you listening to upstairs? There was a lot of yelling."
"The
song."
"When did you get that."
*shakes head*
"What?"
"You got it for me as a Christmas present."
"I did?"
"Yes."
"Oh..."
And fuck the people that dont think that AMERICA TOATALLY OWNS, UR JUST MAD U SAND NIGGERS THAT UR NOT IN AMERICA.
• So I went to look up some article on Barack Osama RACIST pastor and here were the first headlines that popped up on Google News.
An Effort to Bridge a Divide
Obama's race speech hits receptive ears in Gwinnett
Obama's Race Speech Heralded as Historic
Oh, there won't be any favorable coverage this election for one candidate.
Say, did you all know that John McCain served in Vietnam? Did you know he was still alive? I'm being serious -- is he still with us?
• The guy is blind for God's sake -- he has the perfect excuse. All he has to say is that he was congested on his selected days of forbidden passion and couldn't detect anything from the smell.
Actually, the best part of all this is the photo that goes along with this article. Here's the headline:
New NY Governor Admits Affairs Years Ago
And here's the pic.
7 p.m.
• So on the drive home from work today we passed up this place that always has politically incorrect stuff on its marquee. I know I talked about this bar/restaurant before, but I can’t find it when I performed a search. Anyway, there is also this listing for upcoming local bands that will be playing there, and with that I give you the latest chat I shared with Mrs. kkk. You can figure out who is who:
“Hey, do you spell ‘Van Halen’ as ‘H-e-l-o-n?”
“No.”
“Is it ‘H-e-l-e-n’?”
“No.”
“Yes it is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Well then what is it?”
“H-a-l-e-n?”
“That’s what I said.”
“No. You said ‘H-e-l-e-n.”
“Well you know what I meant.”
“…”
Oh, and here’s a video montage of some of this guy’s signs.
• Remember "Wet Back Wednesday"? Here's a
Oddly enough, it was in that little "More From" column next to the first video posted in this entry. And it just wouldn't be a Shittsburgh video without some guy in a Steelers hat.
I'm not an expert on college basketball. But, I am good at mathematical reasoning and analysis. I decided it would be a good idea to study the stats of the previous NCAA champions, going back to 2000. I noticed that all of the championship teams dominate in particular stats, and other stats don't seem to matter much. Last season, two teams exactly matched the championship model that I formulated: Florida and Kansas. So, here's how the 2008 teams fare.
Teams that exactly match the championship model:
1. Kansas.
Teams that almost match the championship model:
2. North Carolina
3. Memphis
4. Xavier.
Teams that only somewhat match the championship model:
5. Georgetown
6. UCLA
7. Duke
8. Gonzaga
9. Wisconsin
10. Tennessee
11. Texas.
Everyone else falls in the category 'teams that barely resemble the championship model,' or worse.
In conclusion, I'm taking Kansas. Teams 2–4 have a decent shot at winning, and teams 5–11 are possible but unlikely.
The importance of the Ratings Percentage Index has been greatly devalued in the last two years by the tournament committee. Before 2006 not a single Top 30 school in the RPI had been left out the tournament but in the last two years three schools in the Top 30 have been sent to the NIT (Missouri State and Hofstra in 2006, Air Force in 2007). Nevertheless the RPI is still used to consider who gets into the tournament and I was curious to see which schools for each year since the creation of the RPI in 1994 were the lowest rated RPI team to get an at large bid and how they faired in the tournament. Or maybe I just needed an excuse for an entry and am not really interested in this at all. You make the call!
1994
George Washington (#61 in RPI, 10 seed)
-def. 7 seed UAB 51-46
-lost to 2 seed Connecticut 75-63
1995
Minnesota (#66 in RPI, 8 seed)
-lost to 9 seed Saint Louis 64-61
1996
California (#52 in RPI, 12 seed)
-lost to 5 seed Iowa 74-64
1997
Georgetwon (#57 in RPI, 10 seed)
-lost to 7 seed UNC Charlotte 79-67
1998
Western Michigan (#58 in RPI, 11 seed)
-def. 6 seed Clemson 75-72
-lost to 3 seed Stanford 83-65
1999
New Mexico (#74 in RPI, 9 seed)
-def. 8 seed Missouri 61-59
-lost to 1 seed Connecticut 78-56
2000
Pepperdine (#52 in RPI, 11 seed)
-def. 6 seed Indiana 77-57
-lost to 3 seed Oklahoma State 75-67
2001
Oklahoma State (#49 in RPI, 11 seed)
-lost to 6 seed USC 69-54
2002
Wyoming (#63 in RPI, 11 seed)
-def. 6 seed Gonzaga 73-66
-lost to 3 seed Arizona 68-60
2003
N.C. State (#53 in RPI, 9 seed)
-lost to 9 seed California 76-74
2004
Air Force (#70 in RPI, 11 seed)
-lost to 6 seed North Carolina 63-52
2005
N.C. State (#63 in RPI, 10 seed)
-def. 7 seed Charlotte 75-63
-def. 2 seed Connecticut 65-62
-lost to 6 seed Wisconsin 65-56
2006
Seton Hall (#58 in RPI, 10 seed)
-lost to 7 seed Wichita State 86-66
2007
Stanford (#63 in RPI, 11 seed)
-lost to 6 seed Louisville 78-58
12 p.m.
• So I’ve been watching through On Demand this “Parking Wars” show. Basically, it’s a look at the Philadelphia Parking Authority and its employees – from those that walk around the streets putting tickets on windshields to those that place boots on cars to those that perform the actual towing to those that work at the impound lot. All I can say is thank God I don’t live in Philadelphia. However, as I watched the latest episode I got the thinking: Which one of these jobs would be the best/worst. Let’s see:
Meter Maid:
Plusses
Get to go outside and get plenty of fresh city air.
Many of the fines you write are small, so the public OUTRAGE isn’t as bad.
There are times when you can just ticket and run without being spotted.
Minuses
You’re outside in city.
Many times you’re alone.
Angry ticket-receivers approach you.
Boot Putter-On People:
Plusses
You’re in a vehicle.
There’s a teammate with you.
Even though you’ll be spotted some times, I’m sure there are a number of instances where you can boot a vehicle and get the hell out.
Minuses
You have to get out of the vehicle to put on a boot.
This is Philly, so chances are you’ll be paired up with a black person.
City driving.
Tow Truck Driver.
Pluses
You’re in a vehicle.
Minuses
It takes longer to get a vehicle in tow, so it’s probable that you’d be spotted.
Impound Employee
Pluses
You’ve got backup around you.
You’re protected behind a sheet of glass.
Minuses
You’re dealing with people you can’t run away from.
The fines are rather hefty, so the people coming in are going to be more pissed off.
...
Wow. Honestly, I don’t know which one of these jobs I’d take. Probably the person that does the booting.
8 p.m.
• So I heard one of Mrs. kkk’s friends is having marital problems. Well, the problem (at least for the friend) is that she’s not married yet to the father of one of her two kids. Well, this guy isn’t the most responsible person in the world, and the better half’s friend does all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. This and work a full-time job and take care of the kids. Well, it’s the one crumb-snatcher’s birthday in a few days and Mrs. kkk’s friend went with her dad to get a sandbox from Toys R Us. When she asked her baby’s daddy to watch the kids for an hour or so while the sandbox was getting purchased/transported/etc., this guy say the quote of the week.
“What do I look like – a babysitter?”
While I don't like this show, seeing as WrestleMania VIII is up, I gotta get this out of the way.
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Opening video and all that, but to start the show off, the first match on the card is Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship.
Blow-by-blow: RVD attacks to start, and clotheslines Regal. A standing moonsault follows, but RVD misses a charge to the corner soon after. Regal looks for brass knuckles in his tights, but RVD kicks them out of his hand. He dropkicks Regal and goes for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but RVD misses. Regal knees RVD in the face for a 2 count, but RVD follows with a crossbody for 2. Regal gives RVD a drop-toe hold, and a suplex for 2 count. A neckbreaker follows for 2, and then, Regal applies a cross armed choke. He likes that move. Regal's bleeding from the mouth, and RVD misses ROLLING THUNDER when given the chance to hit it. Regal gives RVD a double-underhook powerbomb for 2, but RVD rolls him up afterward, only getting 2. RVD gives Regal a dropkick and a monkeyflip, but he misses a charge to the corner. Regal drops RVD on his head with a half-nelson suplex, and goes for the brass knuckles. RVD kicks Regal so he can't hit RVD with the knuckles, and finishes the bout via pinfall after a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH at 6:20. New Intercontinental Champion and all that.
Match Analysis: Eh, what do you say. It was a good opener. It was also too short, and strange given both wrestlers style. **1/4.
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Christian cuts a promo next, and we see a clip from RAW, when he beat Billy Gunn. He heels on this second class city that the show's in (being Toronto), and smiles for the camera. What a fellow.
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Christian vs. DDP is our European Championship match...
Blow-by-blow: Christian's music is top-20 of all time. Yeah, I said it. DDP's coming full-circle. If you don't know the story, he drove Rhythm & Blues to the ring in a pink Cadillac at WrestleMania VI. In Toronto. Anyhow, Christian tries to surprise Page, but Page recovers and gives Christian a gutwrench chestbreaker. Yeah, I just said that. He clotheslines Christian ove rthe top and rams him into the retaining wall twice, before bringing Christian back in. Page goes for a 10 punch at the corner, but Christian lowblows him. Ouch. He drops Page along the top rope, and knocks him down all the way to the floor on a charge. Inside, DDP trips Christian and tries to ram him nut-first into the ringpost, but Christian pulls DDP into the post. Christian gives DDP an abdominal stretch, and follows it up with a reverse DDT-backbreaker type thing for 2. Christian goes up to the top, but DDP slams him off, all the way down to the canvas. That's followed up by a spinning sitout-powerbomb for 2. Christian tries for the UNPRETTIER, but instead, he rams DDP into the buckle and gives him a reverse DDT. Then there's a little reversal sequence, which ends with the DIAMOND CUTTER. Obviously, that ends the match, and Page retains his title via pinfall at 6:09. After the match, DDP grabs a microphone and talks a bit, which causes Christian to throw a temper tantrum.
Match Analysis: Would've been really good if it was longer than 6 minutes. But it wasn't, so it was just good. Same rating as the last, that being **1/4. DDP still had the ability to have a good/great match.
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Here's what happened next.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=u1TC8TgrFRI
I put these great promos in, because honestly, I can't sum them up well enough for people to read it. It's just better to post them.
I noticed that you can't embed videos anymore. What the hell is this nonsense?
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Goldust vs. Maven for the HARDCORE Title is our next match...
Blow-by-blow: Goldie has those gold weaponz!11!1! Goludst attacks to start, and beels Maven into the retaining wall at ringside. That looked like it hurt. Goldust gets on the apron after placing Maven on the wall, and he dives out onto him. Goldust then hits Maven with a cookie sheet, and inside, he slingshots him into a trash can. Well, he kinda missed the can, so Maven quickly gets up and dropkicks the can into Goldust's face. Maven cradles him for 2, but Goldust comes back with a neckbreaker for 2. Goldust gives Maven a front suplex, and kicks the handle of a GOLD SHOVEL into Maven's throat. Goldust places a garbage can in the corner, and rams Maven into it for a 2 count. Goldust grabs a garbage lid, but Maven has one too, and they hit each other with them. SPIKE DUDLEY runs down to the ring, and he pins Maven to win the Hardcore Title at 3:17. Haha. Crash Holly chases Spike out of the building, and both Maven and Goldust give chase as well.
Match Analysis: 1/2*. But I love the 24/7 rule.
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Next is a shitty performance by Drowning Pool...honestly, I fast-forwarded.
In the back, Crash Holly rams Spike Dudley into a wall, getting a 2 count. Al Snow's driving a golf cart, and he runs over a ton of boxes on accident, instead of hitting Spike. Spike turns to leave, but Hurricane FLIES into the picture and hits Spike, before covering him to win the Hardcore Title. 24/7 rules, son. HAHA. Bring back the Hardcore Title!
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Kurt Angle takes on Kane, but first, Kurt Angle cuts a promo on Canada. Like you didn't see that coming.
Blow-by-blow: In mid-promo, Kane comes out. Angle hits him with the bell, so he can't be disqualified. The bell never rang! They slug it out once the bell rings, and Angle gives him a german suplex. Kane comes back with (what else) a back elbow, and then a choke toss. He tries for the chokeslam, but Angle pushes him away and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Angle chokes away after two clotheslines, and gives Kane a back suplex for 2. Angle goes for the front facelock, but when Kane powers out, he just drops Angle to the canvas like he's nothin'. Kane gives Angle a sideslam, but in response, Angle gives Kane the ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEXES. Three suplexes, at that. It only gets a 2 count. Angle comes off the top rope with a clothesline, but when he goes up top again, Kane clotheslines him on the way down. Kane gives Angle a big boot and a backdrop, followed up by a powerslam for 2. Kane misses a charge to the corner, but he still gives Angle a chokeslam for 2. Kane goes for the TOMBSTONE, but Angle counters the hold with an ANGLE SLAM for 2. The straps come off, and Angle goes to the ANKLE LOCK. Kane powers out after a bit, and gives Kurt an enziguri. Kane goes to the top, but Angle gives him the pop-up belly-to-belly suplex. An Angle Slam attempt follows, but Kane counters it with a chokehold. Angle rolls through the choke, and pins Kane with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 10:43.
Match Analysis: An Olympic carryjob. I mean, wow. *** for what is almost the best match on the card. Haven't seen anything better from Kane, in, like, ever.
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The Hurricane's in the back, trying to hide from the action. He also has a broom, but Godfather's hos are in the room. Yeah, there's a boner joke and all, until the Godfather chases him out.
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Ric Flair vs. the Undertaker is our next match, and there are NO disqualifications.
Blow-by-blow: Hype video and all that, in probably the only match on this show that didn't have some retarded reason for occuring. Flair runs down to the ring and attacks Taker, so they trade blows. They fight on the announce table, until Taker rams Flair into the ringpost. Into the stairs Flair goes, then we go back into the ring. Taker whips Flair into the corner, but Flair can't make it over the turnbuckles. Poor guy. They do the spot again, and Flair makes it over, given a big boot when on the apron for his troubles. Taker sits Flair down in a chair and punches away, so Flair bleeds. Inside, Taker kicks Flair, and Flair flops to the ground. Taker gives Flair two clotheslines, and places him on the top, for a gigantic superplex (the superplex is my favorite wrestling move, you see). It only gets 2, because Taker pulls Flair up. Taker places Flair on the apron and legdrops him, but he only gets 2, for the same reason as the last. Taker goes for OLD SCHOOL, but Flair throws him down to the canvas. That doesn't really matter, as Taker gives Flair a sideslam for 2. Flair chops away, knocking Taker out of the ring, and gets a lead pipe. He hits Taker in the head with it, so Taker bleeds. More shots with the lead pipe and a "keep off" sign follow, as we go back in the ring. Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Flair gives him a low blow and applies the FIGURE-FOUR leglock. Taker chokes Flair to break the hold, and chokeslams Flair for a 2 count. Taker tosses the referee into the turnbuckle, and goes out to get the pipe. ARN FREAKING ANDERSON runs down to the ring, unexpectedly I might add, and gives Taker a SPINEBUSTER, getting Flair a 2 count. When watching this live, I thought it was over. Taker punches Arn to make him bleed, and applies a dragon sleeper, until Flair hits him in the back with a chair. Flair tries to hit him in the head with it, but Taker kicks it back into his face. Flair's unable to take the LAST RIDE, so instead, Taker gives him the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER for 3 at 18:46.
Match Analysis: Really good match, but it was too long. After thinking about it, it's just as good as Angle/Kane, so I'll give it ***. Streak and all that, but Arn's run-in really should've ended the match in favor of Flair.
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Booker T cuts a promo next, talking about Einstein's theory of relatives. I laughed. He had on glasses, too. Good stuff.
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Booker T vs. Edge is the next match, obviously.
Blow-by-blow: Worst feud in the history of feuds. Period. Edge gets the best of the initial punchout, but Booker gives him a shoulderblock. Edge comes back with a dropkick and facebuster, which only gets a 1 count. Booker gives Edge a hotshot, and a spinning heel kick for 2. Booker clotheslines Edge over the top, and comes off the apron onto Edge with a big right hand. Booker goes up to the top when Edge gets back in, and gives him a missile dropkick. Booker follows with a spinebuster for 2, but when he goes back up top, Edge crotches him. Edge gives Booker a hurricanrana with Booker placed on top, but it looked all funny. That's followed up by 2 Edge clotheslines, and a spinning heel kick off the top for 2. Edge gives Booker a slingshot into the turnbuckle, but he misses the spear attempt that ensues. Booker gives Edge a superkick, and entertains us with...THE SPINAROONIE! Booker follows with the SCISSOR KICK for 2, before going for the BOOKEND. Edge says no, and SPEARS Booker for 2. EDGEAROONIE and all that, then the EDGECUTION finishes off Booker for the 3 count at 6:32.
Match Analysis: Going through the motions...**.
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In the back, THE HURRICANE is talking to Jonathan Coachman. Mighty Molly is there, and she hits Hurricane with a frying pan to win the Hardcore Title. Ha.
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STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is going to take on Scott Hall...who's accompanied by Kevin Nash.
Blow-by-blow: Austin in the mid-card boggles the mind, as does the NWO music being dubbed over. Austin stomps a mudhole in Hall to start the match, and gives him a back elbow. Austin follows it up with the THESZ PRESS, and an elbowdrop. Hall bails, but Austin attacks both he and Nash. Hall gets rammed into the steel steps, and they go back inside. Hall clotheslines Austin for 2, and whips Austin into a turnbuckle that Nash pulled the pad off of. Outside Austin goes, where Nash beats him up. In the process, Nash tears his quad. Back inside, and Hall gives Austin a fallaway slam for 2. Hall gives Austin a clothesline for 2, and with the referee distracted afterward, Nash punches Austin. Austin comes back with a spinebuster on Hall, and a STUNNER...but Nash pulls the referee out of the ring during the count and clobbers him. Nash comes into the ring as Hall gets a chair, but Austin gives both a STUNNER. The cover on Hall gets two, as Nash elbowdrops the new referee. Ha. Nash goes out of the ring thanks to Austin, and so does Hall, via a backdrop. Yo. The referees come out and make Nash leave, as Austin and Hall fight on the outside. Hall gives Austin a STUNNER back in the ring, but he only gets a 2 count. Austin pops back up, two STUNNERS, and the win at 9:52. Love how Hall just stood there, looking, well, stunned, after the first of those two STUNNERS. Beer celebration, surprised Hall didn't snag one for himself, harharharharhar.
Match Analysis: More going through the motions stuff...*3/4.
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To part two of the program we go, and WWF Axxess. Doesn't need to be covered.
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The next matchup is a 4 Corners Elimination Match, as it's the Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Keibler vs. the APA vs. the Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
This is probably the hardest match I've had to review so far. It wasn't very easy. APA attack the champions at the start, and Bradshaw will start the match, facing Billy Gunn. Bradshaw tries a fallaway slam, but Chuck tags in. Bradshaw still gives Gunn the fallaway slam, but Chuck tripped him or something. Bradshaw gives Billy a back suplex, and Faarooq tags in. Billy rams him into the buckle and stomps on Faarooq, but Faarooq counters with a powerslam. A DDT follows for 2, and D-Von tags in, with Billy going out. Faarooq gives D-Von a spinebuster, and Billy is given the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL by Bradshaw...but Bradshaw is given the 3D, eliminating his team at 3:25. * for that, it was a mess.
The Hardys both come into the ring and do a bunch of combo moves on their opponent, honestly, this shit is happening so fast that I can't even write it down. The Dudleys set up a table, and Jeff gives Bubba Ray a pescado. Stacy Keibler gets on the ring apron, so Jeff spanks her when she pulls up her shorts as a distraction. Smart move. Bubba gives Billy a BUBBA BOMB, but he misses a charge to the corner. He's still able to give Jeff Hardy a backdrop, for a 2 count. D-Von gives Jeff a suplex for 2, and when Bubba tags back in, he stomps on Jeff's nuts. D-Von gives Jeff a back elbow after the tag, but Jeff responds with a reverse DDT. Matt Hardy and Bubba Ray tag in, Matt gives Bubba a DDT, and slams D-Von. Cause he's a house of fire. I know this part of the review is a mess, but just bear with me. Bubba gives Matt a back suplex, but he misses a senton off the top rope. Obviously, that means Matt Hardy has to go UHHHH and give Bubba a legdrop off the 2nd rope. The Dudleys try to do the WAZZUP headbutt after a few punches, but Billy pushes D-Von all the way down to the floor and through the table that was sitting at ringside. Ouch. TWIST OF FATE on Bubba, SWANTON, and the Dudleys are gone at 11:49. Useless pile of shit waste of time. DUD.
Chuck gives Matt a superkick for a 2 count to start this portion of the the match, so in response, Jeff legdrops Chuck in the lower abdominal area. Matt gives Chuck what would later be known as the SIDE EFFECT, and Jeff tags right back in. POETRY IN MOTION is given to both Billy and Chuck, and then, Chuck is given a TWIST OF FATE. The SWANTON BOMB follows, but Billy gives Jeff a FAMEASSER, for 2. Billy runs in with one of the tag titles, and he hits Jeff in the back of the head with it, giving Chuck the pinfall over Jeff at 13:51. Whadda ya know? The two non-shitty parts of this match (although that is debatable) gave us the best part of the match. I rated this part **.
Now, for the overall rating. 3 out of a possible 15 stars is a...* rating. Awfully shitty for a nearly 15 minute match. Add length and how terrible that length was into the equation, and knock down half. 1/2* is my rating for that horrendous spectacle. 2nd worst tag title match at WrestleMania.
(The worst is going to be put on this channel next week...or at least I remember it being the worst.)
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You see, HULK HOGAN wants to go at it alone tonight, so the other members of the NWO will not accompany him to the ring.
After that, Christian hits Mighty Molly with the top half of a two-halved door, and pins her to win the Hardcore Title. Sonofabitch.
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Excuse the copy and paste job. I think this is the best review of any match I've done, so I'm proud of it.
Rock vs. Hogan. That's all the description you need.
Blow-by-blow: The staredown before the bout still gives me chills, even though I've watched this match at least 20 times. Both wrestlers lock-up, until Hogan pushes Rocky to the canvas. He poses, and the crowd goes apeshit. I still mark for this entire match, so everything is going to be insanely biased. Hogan gives Rock a shoulderblock, and poses more. Hell yeah, son! He gives him a clothesline, but Rock comes back with one of his own, and tells him to BRING IT. Rocky gives him the SPIT PUNCH, but Hogan seems deathly terrified of taking a bump over the top, so he scoots out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rocky throws Hogan back in, and clotheslines him after Hogan isn't able to backdrop the Rock. Rock goes for ROCK BOTTOM, but he gets elbowed away by Hogan, and then given a running elbow. Hogan gives him 2 elbowdrops, and a face stomp to boot. Rocky gives Hogan a spear, and the mount punch. Hogan then gives Rock a back suplex, which gets a 2 count. Hogan goes to the ABDOMINAL STRETCH, and then rolls Rock up for another 2 count. He gives Rock the BACK RAKE, and a few chops, before taking him to the corner. Over there, he gives Rock two punches, and bites him. Rocky gives him a few chops (huh), and Hogan misses a charge to the corner, but quickly gives Rock a chokeslam afterward. Hogan takes the tape off his wrists and chokes the Rock with it, and tosses Rock out over the top rope. He rams the Rock into the steel steps, and slams him throat-first onto the barrier at ringside. Hogan begins to take apart the announce table, seemingly to slam Rocky onto it, but the Rock gets there first, and rams Hogan into the table. Rock grabs a chair, but the official takes it away, preventing him from using it. Back inside, Hogan gives Rock a clothesline, and sidesteps when the Rock's running afterward, forcing the Rock to run into the official. Rock comes back with an ugly spinebuster, and the SHARPSHOOTER. Hogan gets to the ropes, but since the ref's out, why break the hold? Once Rock thinks he's done enough, he revives the referee, as the crowd chants "Rocky Sucks." Gee, they love him, don't they. Hogan gives the Rock a low blow, and a ROCK BOTTOM, which only gets 2. Hogan takes off his weight belt now, and hits Rock with it three times. If Hollywood hasn't used his belt yet, the match isn't going to be ending. Of course, he has to take some punishment too, after he misses a punch with the belt on his hand, and gets caught with a DDT by Rocky. Rock grabs the belt now, and hits Hogan with it 7 times. He gives Hogan ROCK BOTTOM, which gets an early 2 count. Oh my GAWD, he's HULKIN' UP! Boom, boom, boom, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, but it only gets 2. JR was going into raptures about how Hogan pinned Andre with the legdrop, so it's fitting that the move didn't finish the match. Hogan gives Rock another big boot, but is unable to DROP THE FUCKING LEG. Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM, and sends him down to ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN, then kips up and gives him the MF'ING PEOPLE'S ELBOW for 3 at 16:23. After the Rock celebrates for a bit, Hogan extends his hand in friendship. The Rock accepts the gesture, so Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to the ring. They thought Hogan was NWO 4 LIFE, but I guess he's not, so they attack him. The Rock runs back down to the ring, and cleans house, along with Hogan. He wants Hogan to pose, so he does. That's the end of WM X8...oh wait, it's not.
Match Analysis: ***. I don't have any problem with those that say the match wasn't that good, but come on. Not only that, but it should've been their only match, and the match at No Way Out 2003 should never have happened. But yeah, the show should've ended here. It would've been the perfect ending, Hogan passing the torch, and then Rocky coming back to help run off the dastardly NWO, who turned on the guy they thought was NWO 4 LIFE. For shame WWF, for shame.
(One last thing, from the present and not the C&P. You know how I said this should've ended the show? Well, this rings ever true throughout the rewatch. Everything else on this show is not worthy of being at WrestleMania. Everything.)
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Lita vs. Trish vs. Jazz is our Triple Threat for the Women's Title match....
Blow-by-blow: You talk about a dead crowd, goodness. Lita and Jazz fight in the middle of the ring before Trish can run down (nice buttshorts btw), and Jazz kicks Trish in the mush when she finally gets there. Jazz gives Trish a BOSTON CRAB, Rick Martel style, and follows it up with a chickenwing toss on Lita. She's dominating the match, and gives Lita a legdrop, for 2. Jazz gives Lita a double-underhook suplex, as Trish goes out of the ring. Lita mounts a comeback with a flying headscissor, and a powerbomb on Jazz for 2. Jazz gives Lita a hotshot, and places her up top, but Trish comes in, ending whatever Jazz had in mind. Trish rolls Jazz up for 2, and reverses a Lita crossbody for a 2 count. Lita clotheslines Jazz, and in response, Trish kicks Lita and gives her a bulldog for 2. Jazz splashes Lita for 2, then gives Trish a fisherman's buster for a 2 count. You know, they're trying to do the whole Jazz thing with Beth Phoenix, and it doesn't work. Trish gives Jazz a reverse DDT for 2, then Lita and Trish get in a little argument. Lita slaps Trish and gives her a backdrop, before giving Jazz a TWIST OF FATE. Lita takes off her shirt, but misses a moonsault from the top, unfortunately. Trish rolls Lita up for 2, but seeing as that failed, she tries to give Jazz a backslide, also getting 2. Lita backdrops Jazz over the top and rams Trish into the buckle, before going UP top. Trish crotches her and gets knocked off the apron, so Jazz makes her way up and gives Lita a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER OFF THE TOP for 3 at 6:16.
Match Analysis: First off, why have the Canadian lose when the crowd is dying/dead. Give them some life. But then again, why have the Canadian win when the crowd is dead. Then it makes it look like the title change means nothing. *1/2, and I would've rated it higher, but a large part of good women's wrestling on this continent is being able to get the crowd into it. They weren't here, but when the crowd does enjoy it, the matches rock. Unfortunately, there are few matches which have fit that billing in the WWF or WWE, whatever iteration of the company you want to look at.
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Christian's about to leave in a taxi, but Maven sneaks up behind him and rolls him up for the 3 count. How many title changes on the whole show have there been, 6? I think it's 6, to this point. Anyway, Maven jumps in the taxi and leaves. Not only did Christian lose the Hardcore Title, he lost his luggage as well. Then he throws a temper tantrum, likely because he lost a 100 dollar pair of underwear or something.
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The (un-anticipated) main event on this card is Triple H vs. Chris Jericho w/Stephanie McMahon for the Undisputed Championship.
Blow-by-blow: Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring, but this time, I don't fast-forward. Why? Because I like this song, at least as much as you can like a Drowning Pool song. Jericho goes for the knee at the beginning of the match, but HHH just gives him a backdrop in response. Two clotheslines follow, and so does a high knee. HHH sells the leg injury afterward, so Jericho backdrops him over the top. HHH slams Jericho from the top rope to the floor as Jericho tried to leap on HHH, and HHH gives Jericho a suplex on the outside. HHH peels apart the announce tables, but Jericho gives him a few front leg back kicks to prevent anything from occuring. Inside, HHH gives Jericho a spear, but Jericho responds by going right back to the leg. Jericho gives HHH three elbowdrops, and kicks HHH's leg twice, before going to the eyes. HHH responds with a kneebreaker and a FIGURE-FOUR, until Stephanie McMahon forces HHH to break the hold. HHH pulls her onto the apron, and makes Jericho run into her, knocking her down to the floor. HHH then tosses her in, but Jericho gives him a missile dropkick. Jericho rams HHH's leg into the post and applies a leglock soon after, before ramming HHH's knee into the canvas. Jericho slaps on the RINGPOST FIGURE-FOUR (original is better in this case), but he can't hold it for too long anyway. Jericho applies a spinning toehold next, and uses the ropes, until HHH kicks him into the buckle. HHH follows that up with a neckbreaker, and a clothesline for a 2 count. HHH continues the assault with the knee to the face, and a spinebuster, which gets a 2 count. Jericho tosses HHH over the top rope to catch a break, and then they both go toward the announce tables. Jericho tries the WALLS OF JERICHO on one announce table (like, what does that add to the move, exactly), but he can't get the move to work. HHH then goes for the PEDIGREE, but Jericho backdrops him onto and through the other announce table. Back in and a LIONSAULT gets 2, twice. Nobody really cares. Little finisher reversal sequence here, which ends in the WALLS OF JERICHO. HHH makes the ropes, of course, like everyone else does. Stephanie gets on the apron to distract the referee as Jericho grabs a chair, but HHH kicks the chair in Jericho's face and DDT's him onto the chair for a 2 count. Stephanie now has the chair, but the referee takes it away...leaving her with no defense against HHH. HHH gives her a PEDIGREE to a substantial pop, but Jericho hits him with a chair, for 2. Jericho goes for the JERICHOGREE or something, but it's not happenin'. HHH rams him into the buckle and gives him the PEDIGREE, to win the Undisputed Title at 18:41. HHH celebrates, to end the show.
Match Analysis: It wasn't even a bad match. It was actually a good match...but for that crowd. Man, that killed everything for me. **3/4. The Stephanie shit got really tiresome throughout, to be fair.
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Rating: Decent. Just a regular, standard PPV show.
Best Segment: Uh, Rock/Hogan. Not close, really.
Worst Segment: Dudleys vs. Hardys vs. APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Awful.
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I'll put up a WrestleMania VIII review sometime before or on Wednesday.
8 p.m.
• So I just spent two hours doing something that could be saved for the workplace. However, I can sleep better tonight knowing it’s over and done with. (No, it’s not masturbation.) Most of the work involved getting into that “zone” where you just go at it until it’s finished. Whenever I get into one of these situations I usually put on a song and just keep looping it until I’m finished. About halfway through my work I found a song that I worked rather well with and hit the “repeat” button on the CD player. What was tonight’s song?
Bruce Springsteen’s “Night.” If you haven’t heard it,
(The video option is being bad for me right now.)
Dude’s a commie for sure, but you can’t say he doesn’t give his audience their money’s worth. Unless it’s that “Philadelphia” piece of shit or that “57 channels” song. I remember when that video came out on MTV my one friend turned to me and said, "That was Bruce Springsteen, right?"
6:15 p.m.
• Well here's something I can find common ground with Ms. Ferraro on. I never saw Barack Osama as a viable presidential candidate ever ... ever...
• So this idea is stupid...
And the "jokes" are unfunny...
...but this got me the thinking. What political party would my cats belong to?
Dessa
This little bitch is a Republican through and through. She hates all other cats, throws a fit whenever one of her housemates pounces on her (but it's OK for her to chase any of them when she feels like it), and hops up my lap and gnaws at my hand should I try to pet her. But whenever there's a someone at the door she runs off and hides like any chickenhawk would (then again, out of my three she is the one most likely to kill a bird).
JJ
JJ is an interesting case. He's not very bright and oblivious to his surroundings. If he ever applied himself, he'd be a total bad-ass. However, he's content with just being dumb. I'd say he'd be one of those mindless masses that don't vote but would probably go Democrat if he decided to visit a ballot box.
Max
I'm not sure about this one. When we first got him he was very submissive and would run away from Dessa if she would give him a mean look from across the room. But then he soon discovered that she was all bark and no bite, so now he makes his life's work to stalk and jump on her just so she'd scream and make a fuss. Since he likes torturing our feline Republican, this should make him a Democrat. He's extremely lazy, too, until it's feeding time in which he'll jump around like a welfare collector waiting for the local post office to open on the first of every month. Then again, he sheds like a mo' fo', which means he's a polluter. However, he's BLACK~! Maybe he's a libertarian.
9 p.m.
• Well, there goes the neighborhood.
Christ, six weeks of ads for these two. I can't wait.
Yeah, building windmills all across the country -- except anywhere near a Kennedy residence.
8 p.m.
• So I saw this headline on Brietbart's video clips: Boy Dies After Playmates Bury Him in Sandbox to Imitate Cartoon.
I then went to Google news to get a story to see which cartoon is going to get shit on now.
Well, if this causes Naruto to get shitcanned, I know that the hosts of "X-Play" will be delighted because this probably means the video game line will be gone as well.
• Eh, big deal. The guy had a life jacket on.
Nothing like saying you're out of ideas by reposting an old blog entry but that's what I'm resorting to. Actually I probably would have come up with something over the weekend but I was near death (or at least felt like it) with the flu so putting together semi-coherent thoughts wasn't an option.
The weekend after next will be what I believe to be the best time of the sports year and that is the first two rounds of the NCAA Basketball Tournament. This week however is one of the worst time's of the sports year with Conference Championship Week. Conference tournaments primarily accomplish two things, 1) Render the conference regular seasons meaningless and 2) Weaken the overall field of the national tournament. They are a pox on humanity and should be eliminated.
So I now present to you a Bored "classic" entry from 2/27/06, Conference Tournaments are the Tool of the Devil!
8 p.m.
• Do I even need to make a "How about a Thou Shalt Not Have Sex With Boys" remark with this one?
• Resign? Hell, in that state (New York), he'd be a shoo-in for re-election. Had this been a male prostitution ring, he'd be guv for life.
• The fact this person would be anywhere NEAR poon gives me that vomit-gag-taste in my mouth.
I'll make a new entry for this mock, since I doubt much will change between now and early April.
This mock is what I think will actually happen—not what I think should happen.
Last updated on 9 March 2008.
1. Miami Dolphins: DE Chris Long — Chris Long still appears to be the target, for now. I continue to doubt anyone who mentions Matt Ryan. Ellis is still possible, and Gholston is also in consideration now.
2. St. Louis Rams: DT Glenn Dorsey — I'm going back to Dorsey on this one. He fits better than Ellis. Orlando Pace is still around, and so Jake Long isn't the #1 priority. We'll see how the legs check out.
3. Atlanta Falcons: QB Matt Ryan — Turner takes out McFadden. If Dorsey fell, he'd be possible. But, I think the Falcons really want him. Come on, they have Redman and Shockley at QB.
4. Oakland Raiders: DE Vernon Gholston — They just paid Tommy Kelly a bunch of money to play DT. After Gholston's tremendous workout, I don't think they can resist his athleticism.
5. Kansas City Chiefs: OT Jake Long — Greatest need and best player available. They get Long or Clady.
6. New York Jets: RB Darren McFadden — "'Our goal was to give us flexibility in the draft,' Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum told The Post yesterday." Translation: "We didn't want to get crushed for taking McFadden when we had other needs." With Gholston gone, and Ellis no longer filling a need, McFadden makes sense.
7. New England Patriots (via SF): OT Ryan Clady — I remain convinced that this pick will not be a CB. The Patriots take talent over need. But, they just happen to need a better right tackle.
8. Baltimore Ravens: OT Chris Williams — I have nothing to change regarding what I said last time: The Ravens will be extremely irritated by the Patriots' selection, because the Ravens are dedicated to rebuilding their offensive line now that Jonathan Ogden is all but done. They will not take Brian Brohm.
9. Cincinnati Bengals: DT Sedrick Ellis — The draft goddess shines upon the wise, Obama-supporting people of Cincinnati.
10. New Orleans Saints: CB Leodis McKelvin — The question here is RB or CB. In regard to their RB position, I think they are going to cut McAllister, but it's because they really like Pierre Thomas and not because they're clearing the way to draft a new one. Randall Gay is a good nickel CB, but they need a franchise CB. McKelvin is the best one in the draft.
11. Buffalo Leelees: WR Malcolm Kelly — They got everything but a WR in free agency! (And, obviously, no TE is worth this spot.)
12. Denver Broncos: LB Keith Rivers — With Balmer and DeSean Jackson still on the board, this pick is tough. But, I don't think they can be serious about starting Niko Koutouvides at MLB. They have to want a stud there so they can feel good about keeping DJ Williams at WLB. Also, I think Shanny is pissed that he couldn't get Patrick Willis last year.
13. Carolina Panthers: OT Jeff Otah — I'm not convinced that LaBrandon Toefield is the big bonecruncher they want to complement DeAngelo, but I think they'll hold off on RB until round 2 or 3. (This way of thinking almost destroyed me last year.) They definitely want an OT.
14. Chicago Bears: RB Rashard Mendenhall — Haw-haw! The Czechago Bears desperately want to rebuild their o-line, but the 4 good OTs are gone! Word is that Benson mentally retired from the NFL the day he got drafted.
15. Detroit Lions: LB Dan Connor — Mildly surprising. They don't need CB anymore because of Leigh Bodden and Brian Kelly. They want an OT and won't get one. They signed a new DT. They need a long-term MLB.
16. Arizona Cardinals: RB Jonathan Stewart — RB of the future. Share the load with Edge this year, then kick Edge out the door.
17. Minnesota Vikings: DE Derrick Harvey — They signed a WR and S. They are targeting Harvey if he's still there.
18. Houston Texans: CB Mike Jenkins — They are still looking at CB, OT, and RB. Dunta is going on the PUP. OT and RB are gone, and Jenkins is definitely worth taking here, so it's pretty straightforward.
19. Philadelphia Eagles: WR Limas Sweed — They still need a big receiver. Sweed is 6'4 and fast. I can't see them going any other direction.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: QB Brian Brohm — It seems very likely that he will last this long. Brian Griese is not the future. This deal is too sweet to pass on.
21. Washington Redskins: DE Phillip Merling — Nothing new to say here. They already have a light, fast WR. Balmer is possible.
22. Dallas Cowboys (via CLE): RB Felix Jones — Julius is gone. But, they don't trust their powerful and courageous RB from the University of Minnesota to carry it all. They want a speedster.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers: OG Branden Albert — Since Faneca left, I think every mock draft on earth has Albert here.
24. Tennessee Titans: WR DeSean Jackson — They need something more than Vince's legs, LenWhale, and an old TE on offense. They really need to keep Haynesworth motivated.
25. Seattle Seahawks: CB Aqib Talib — Clearly they know that they won't be getting one of the 4 good RBs, and so they signed Julius. Talib is a good value here, otherwise they'd look at OT or TE.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars: DT Kentwan Balmer — Their run defense wasn't particularly good last season, and the Leelees have Stroud now. They signed 2 WRs, and so DT is looking like the right choice. Good deal here, too.
27. San Diego Chargers: CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie — Florence is gone. Do it! Double Cromarties!! Wonder Twin powers, activate!!
28. Dallas Cowboys: WR Devin Thomas — Another guy who can add more pop to the offense.
29. San Francisco 49ers (via IND): WR Early Doucet — Bruce and DJax are way past their primes. They need a young WR, and they seem to like Doucet.
30. Green Bay Packers: CB Antoine Cason — No need for post-Favre panic. Develop a young CB at nickel.
31. New York Giants: FS Kenny Phillips — Come on, Sammy Knight isn't the answer.
8:30 a.m.
• So this article got my interest today in the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette (I picked up the publication’s “early edition” yesterday while filling up the car on the way home from an extra day at work – yes, I’m doing the “work on Saturday” thing again. And I didn’t get this liberal rag because this article was the top-of-fold cover story. I got it because it had $98 worth of coupons.)
Here’s the headline: Rising costs, frugal customers pinch restaurants at both ends
Basically, it’s talking about how it’s HARDER THAN EVER for restaurants to attract customers due to the TERRIBLE ECONOMY. Here were my favorite parts.
OK, I love how vendors are now adding “fuel surcharges.” Just increase your total bill. Will there be a “wheat surcharge” or “dairy surcharge” at pizza shops when vendors increase their prices due to rising costs for these products? No. Then why fuel? Because we can blame BIG OIL and their OBSCENE PROFITS. I’m not saying increased fuel prices don’t hurt a business. One of my biggest fears about increasing gas prices isn’t the extra few dollars I have to pay to put fuel in my car – it’s how increases the price of everything. However, taking this one extra cost of doing business, singling it out and itemizing it is lame.
Here was another golden nugget.
But… but… I thought raising the minimum wage wouldn’t affect anybody or anything. I thought all those “you raise the minimum wage and the people who need these entry-level jobs the most won’t get them” chicken littles were practicing right-wing fear-mongering tactics. Maybe Kings restaurant donated to Bush in the ’04 election. Yeah, that’s it.
And despite all of these obstacles and doom-and-gloom, restaurants still experienced sales growth, albeit at a reduced rate.
4 p.m.
• Yeah, "creative solutions." Read: Rate hike.
• Well, at least the Post Office has this windfall to rely on.
I got my letter yesterday. What's really funny is that people who get this letter and don't read it will then bitch about something or other related to this program in May. And Schmuck Jewmer, what would you like to have on the letter: every name of every Democrat in Congress? For the record, this sort of bitching went on back in '01 when W. got those rebate checks mailed. Personally, I don't think these letters should be mailed. There should be some civic-related requirement, meaning if you don't pay attention to the news and don't know about this give-away then you deserve what you get -- or don't get.
I know, the show gets ratings, but come on, it's not funny. It's just lazy and contrived. The fact that my roomates watch it all the time doesn't help (the fact that they think Dane Cook is funny is also terrible.)
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 2: Dr. Tom
Reporting for duty, General.
Actually, considering the Doctor has been out (of TSM, not the closet) for quite some time, I don’t think it matters much if I show up to polish up the Ann Coulter bazookas.
You might be wondering to yourself how come I have listed in the poop chute some poster who hasn’t posted for years, much like two of the last four posters mentioned on this list? (You could make the case nl-asshole would make it a clean sweep, but fagpants still shows up every now and then.) Well because during his stint as moderator, Dr. Tom was a considerable voice of reason in the CE forums. Sure he was a bit on the Republican side, but at the time he was considered a fair voice in message board matters (He banned someone over THIS back in the day. Although it's interesting to note that my lame jokes haven't changed much in almost six years.) Hell, he even closed threads making fun of JEWS. And even though he was stern with his “keep the fluff out” ideology, he didn’t have a problem with letting his hair down (actually, I don’t think his hair is all that long to begin with) and inviting all of us TSM regulars to a grand ol’ shindig in the DC area. (Speaking of “keep the fluff out,” who can forget the line “Stories about men severing their own penises, fishermen getting anally violated with bananas, and anything else that's similar to that is fluff.")
Even though Tom volunteered to be General of one of the worst message board cliques ever to appear at this place, like many other members of the Conservative Brigade he wasn’t much for the fundies in the GOP. And while we agreed on many issues, there were a few we parted ways with, such as Internet piracy. Now he’s a regular at the other place, much like other exiled brethren.
Let's see how my views have changed over time. This was in a thread about laws you would support or something like that. Bold text is what Tom said. Regular text is my response back in '04. Italic text is updated comments by me today.
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Legalize (and tax the sale of) all drugs. Build penalties into the system so that anyone who harms someone else while under the influence gets the book thrown at them, hard.
Mostly agree -- I really don't care about this issue though. If you get busted, don't bitch.
Pretty much have the same attitude.
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Legalize prostitution and devise safety controls based on the NV model.
Sure.
Whatever. It won't be my dick. I pay enough for poon.
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Legalize euthenasia.
Works for me
Still works for me.
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Repeal McCain-Feingold.
Yes
Hell yes. God damnit, John.
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Legalize gambling, again using the NV system as a model.
Yeppers
Ditto.
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Send the gay marriage issue to the states for referendum.
No because when one state adopts it it'll have to be recognized in every state.
Put a gay marriage vote in front of me and vote it down.
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Allow felons convicted of nonviolent crimes the right to vote.
No, only because they'll probably vote democrat.
This was a joke. I really don't care about this issue. If it's on the books as law, then don't commit a felony.
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A simple flat tax, with several tiers based on income, to replace the income tax. Build tax breaks into the system for small business owners and families with multiple children.
Disagree only because a flat tax with tiers based on income sounds like an income tax to me.
I still like my national sales tax.
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Double aid to Israel and remove the leash.
Don't Jews have enough money? I agree with the leash comment.
This wasn't a joke.
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Real commitment to cut spending in the federal government.
No -- I want more pork projects. Of course I agree.
Good thing we had those small government Republicans in office to keep spending in check.
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The execution of all lobbyists in DC.
Sure, except for the ones representing my interests.
Still think that.
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A complete change to the bill policies of Congress, so that ridiculous pork can't be attached to an existing bill. Anyting proposed must have its own bill, not ride on the coattails of a larger one.
Agree. Never happen though.
Still not going to happen.
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Term limits in Congress. 12 years is all you get.
No -- the ballot box solves "term limits," even if that means Ted Kennedy has a job in DC.
I'm actually starting to change my opinion on this one. I think that voters impose term limits at the ballot box, but I also think public service isn't a lifetime job. The exception to this is you spend a term or two as a state rep, then senator, then Congressperson, U.S. Senator, etc. You shouldn't be in office to collect a pension, and if term limits halts this, then I'll support the effort.
************************************************
Restructure copyright and intellectual property laws so that companies don't have an eternal stranglehold on creations. Things are supposed to go into the public domain at some point. As an addendum, legalize file sharing to make archaic fuckheaded conglomerates like the RIAA devise a working business model for the digital age.
Sorta agree. Don't care about file sharing, but I agree more with the first part.
Still feel the same.
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There you have it. Not sure what the pont of this was, but when I was about half-way through this list I figured I might as well finish it -- sorta like swimming halfway across a lake, getting tired and swimming back.
And then there was one. See you in six months...
9 p.m.
• So I heard about this story on the radio and wondered where it was taking place. I'm so proud.
Now here's what I love about the media. The article starts off by saying how SOME students are BOYCOTTING a popular campus bar. Then the article turns to some passers-by who think the ad is OFFENSIVE.
WOW, almost 260 students. Time to mobolize. But wait, what have we here...
And here's the best part of the story, oddly enough found in the last sentence.
Keep those web petitions coming, kids. You're making quite a difference there.
Yeah, RAW, from Detroit.
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Gene Okerlund introduces the show, much like he has been with all the WrestleMania related programming. The first match on the card is the Dudley Boys and William Regal vs. the Hardy Boys and Rob Van Dam.
- RVD started things off with a pescado onto Regal, which was great. The dudleys go for a table during the match, but it gets kicked into D-Von's face. That's also great.
- There's a shmoz, and after multiple finishers, it ends with the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH onto William Regal, getting the pinfall at 4:01. **. Good way to start things off.
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You see, there's an emergency board meeting right now. Thanks to Ric Flair, this company is in a state of emergency. Vince McMahon wants the board to choose what direction the company will head in. I always hate these board meetings. Just a big waste of time is all they are.
Kurt Angle has a microphone in the ring, and he wants to talk about crime, cause this is Detroit, and all. He says that he was robbed of a WrestleMania title shot a few weeks ago, and turns to Kane. He knows that Kane is the Big Red Machine, but he says that Kurt Angle is the Big Red White and Blue Machine. I LOL'd. He's facing Kane at WrestleMania, calls the fans stupid...which brings out Booker T. Booker T says that Kurt Angle's pissing him off, so the fans cheer. Then he says, that these people are BEYOND stupid. It's all their fault he doesn't have the Japanese shampoo endorsement, which of course, brings out Edge. Edge wants to face Booker T at WrestleMania, and then the conversation turns into how white Kurt Angle is. Kurt Angle says he has soul, and does a spinaroonie. Then they challenge Edge and a partner of his choice.
Stephanie McMahon has HHH's dog, she hates it, has a court order which says she owns it, yadayadayada
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The second match on the show is Rikishi vs. Test.
- Oh no. Sounds terrible. On Heat, Test helped Mr. Perfect beat Rikishi. So we have this.
- Mr. Perfect tried to interfere, even though it was thwarted, Test still pinned Rikishi after the big boot at 1:57. 1/4*. Not good at all.
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Chris Jericho hates dogs, you see. The dog shits on the floor, and Stephanie makes he and the dog leave. He ties the dog to a door handle on a limo, and leaves. I can't believe they made him into Stephanie's bitch. Oh wait, I do believe it, I just didn't like it.
DDP's trying to help Christian, but they encounter Billy and Chuck. Christian wants to face Billy tonight. He believes that he'll be able to end his losing streak. That's not a bad thing, that's A GOOD THING.
Vince McMahon shows the board of directors a clip in which Flair accidentally punched a fan and was arrested. Big whoop.
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Al Snow is facing Goldust for the Hardcore Title now...
- I love Goldust's gold weapons. Funny stuff. Al Snow wins the title after a SNOWPLOW onto a trash can, at 1:03. *.
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Chris Jericho jumped in the limo cause he wanted to go buy something, and the driver ran over the dog. Poor dog. HHH is pretty pissed off.
___________________
We have that little tag team match, which is Kurt Angle and Booker T vs. Edge and...THE BIG SHOW.
- Hoo-rah for mystery partners.
- Go to the end, ANGLE SLAM on Show, ANKLE LOCK on Show, and he taps out at 4:38. *1/2.
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At WWF New York, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson and Terri are there, parading around in bikinis. Yeah.
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Billy w/Chuck is taking on Christian w/DDP...
- DDP goes on commentary for a bit. Nothing wrong with that, although there's defnitely something wrong with Christian's temper tantrums. I've seen enough shitty booking and ideas on this show to last a lifetime.
- As the referee was distracted, DDP snuck in and gave Christian a DIAMOND CUTTER. So, that helped Christian to break his losing streak after the pinfall at 2:08. 1/2*.
After the bout, Christian gives DDP a reverse DDT. Seeing as DDP's the European Champion, obviously Christian wants a title shot.
___________________
Back to the board of directors, Vince wants a vote of confidence in him. Whatever.
___________________
Lita and Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler and Jazz is the next match...
- On Smackdown, Jazz attacked Lita during her match with Stacy Keibler. Plus, Jazz, Lita and Trish will be facing each other at WrestleMania, so this is self-explanatory.
- There's a brawl, Trish kicks Lita on accident, and Jazz pins her at 2:24. DUD. Boy oh boy, this show sucks a fat one.
___________________
Stephanie McMahon is on her way to the ring, and she says that it wasn't her fault what happened to HHH's dog. HHH comes down, chases her and tosses her into the ring...and before the PEDIGREE, Jericho hits him in the knee with the SLEDGEHAMMER. OMG. "I think I tore my quad." During the commercial break, Jericho chopblocked HHH while he was being helped to the back. What a dastardly human being. HHH does the whole stretcher job, and we go back to the...
Board meeting. Vince gets full authority now, but they can review this decision after WrestleMania. Flair cuts a good, calm promo about how he's going to get revenge on the Undertaker, at ANY COST.
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The NWO is in the back, and see, they can't wait until WrestleMania. But right now, they're going to face Steve Austin and the Rock in a handicap match.
- Personally, I cannot believe this match was on television. On television the week before a PPV, no less.
- The black and white effect during the NWO entrance is fantastic. In the late 90's-2000, any of these matchups (example...Austin/Nash, Hall/Rock) would've been big money drawing matches. I wouldn't have had Rock and Hogan interact at all during this match. Just my opinion.
- The match is ridiculously formula, and it finishes when Hogan DROPS THE FUCKIN' LEG on Rock at 9:13. Austin attacked Hogan post-match, but Hall and Nash beat he and the Rock down. *1/4 for the whole thing...where's the spraypaint? End show.
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Rating: Bad. Really bad. This was one of the worst RAW's I've watched in a long time. If not for the novelty of the main event, I'd have called it terrible.
Best Segment: Opening 6-man tag.
Worst: Take your pick.
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WrestleMania X8 review will be up next, but there's no rush. Unless WrestleMania VIII gets posted on Tuesday, WM X8 is the only thing I have to review for a week and a half.
8:30 p.m.
• Some more wedded bliss. Peep the following conversation that took place earlier today. You can figure out who is who.
“Do we have any noodles?”
“What kind?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We got egg noodles in the basement.”
“I wasn’t talking about those.”
“What kind were you talking about?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Those oodles of noodles (which is what she calls those Ramen Noodles.”
“I don’t know.”
Of course, now she’s on a Ramen kick, which means she’s going to go out and buy a shitload of these things. This of course means she’ll get tired of eating them after the second or third bag. This of course means we’ll either have them in our house for the next five years or I’ll be forced to eat these things. Joy.
• OK, so this is funny.
When it comes to this topic, I don’t venture into smoky establishments. However, I feel it should be the employer’s right to decide if their business should be a smoking or non-smoking business. The only exception to this is if the business rents the property and the property owners don’t permit smoking. And I loathe the argument of “Well what about the employees?” Uh, GET ANOTHER JOB. Even in this HORRID BUSH ECONOMY, it’s not that difficult to get a job in the food-service industry. Shouldn’t a prospective employee have the foresight in the interview process to figure out that they might have some stinky outfits at the end of every shift?
• Oh you got to be fucking kidding me.
If you can't save up from now until when this HD switch is to take place, you shouldn't be watching television in the first place. You should be getting a job. Gee, who would imagine that a government handout would cost more than its anticipated sum? I'm shocked, SHOCKED. Good thing our soon-to-be government health care will be free.
• Speaking of free health care, today we got the bill for the procedure Mrs. kkk had for getting the dead fetus out of her. More than $7,000. For a 15-minute operation. The anesthesia bill came out to more than two grand. Our copay? $60. Yeah, that'll make a dent to that bottom line. I can't even imagine how much it would have been if kkk jr. would have lived.
We're LIVE FROM CHICAGO, and the NWO is on their way to the ring. In this case, that means Dennis Rodman and HOLLYWOOD HOGAN. This being Chicago and all, the pop for Rodman's entrance is huge. They're smoking cigars, and you know why, because Rodman and Hogan are supposed to face Lex Luger and the GIANT at Bash at the Beach. The NWO really doesn't want that though, instead, they want to face them tonight. Rodman calls out "Lex Luthor," but they get no answer.
At Great American Bash last night, Ric Flair brawled with Syxx, which led to Piper losing their chance at the WCW Tag Titles. So, Flair will be here tonight to explain himself.
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The opener for tonight is Glacier vs. Mortis w/James Vandenberg...
- I think Vandenberg still has Glacier's helmet. One little thing I noticed, Glacier has blue borders around the letters in his name on the display during the entrance. Seriously.
- Wrath comes down the aisle and onto the apron, but Mortis runs into him, which leads to a CRYONIC KICK. That allows Glacier to pin Mortis at 2:14. *3/4. After the bout, Wrath attacks Glacier, until Ernest Miller cleans house. What a terrible angle this is, but that said, this is generally my favorite part of the show.
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Mean Gene is with Madusa, who's being forced to retire after losing to Akira Hokuto last night. Sucks for her. She's a woman of her word, and that's it. See you guys around.
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Dean Malenko comes to the ring, and you know what, seeing as Eddie Guerrero interfered and cost him the US Title against Jeff Jarrett last week, he wants to face him, right now. Instead, Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out, seemingly to stick up for his uncle. And they'll have a match.
- Dean was looking around for Eddie for most of the match, btw.
- Chavo put in a good effort, but he tapped out to the TEXAS CLOVERLEAF at 3:38. **. Eddie Guerrero's at the entrance, but he just leaves without saying anything.
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La Parka vs. Super Calo is next, supposedly because these two are having some problems.
- Calo does that tope con hilo which takes him into the crowd, and I'm starting to hate it. Way too dangerous.
- A flying headscissors off the top gives Calo the pinfall victory at 3:44, and after the bout, LA PARKA breaks a plastic chair over Calo's head. You know, because he's the Chairman of WCW. ** for the whole thing.
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Lex Luger and the GIANT are with Mean Gene, the Giant just babbles, and they want to face the NWO tonight as well. So it'll happen.
By the way, I wrote that spoiler into my notes before watching the rest of the show. Just so you know.
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The next matchup on the card tonight is the Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri vs. the Amazing French Canadians w/Col. Robert Parker.
- You see, Sherri and Parker, well, they have history. Last month on WWE 24/7, their wedding was shown. They weren't able to get married, though, thanks to Madusa.
- Jacques Rougeau wants to sing the Canadian National Anthem, but really, all he wants to do is attack Harlem Heat. Last night at Great American Bash, Harlem Heat defeated the Steiners by DQ, thanks to Vincent. That win made them the #1 contenders for the tag titles.
- Booker pinned Jacques at 3:45 after an elevated Harlem Sidekick. The match was only acceptable, so I'll rate it *1/4.
Mean Gene is with JJ Dillon, who says that Harlem Heat's win last night was tainted. They don't want the NWO manipulating results, so next week, there's going to be a rematch. Vincent comes out and says that he did Harlem Heat a favor (this should've occured before the thing with Dillon, not after) at Great American Bash, so Harlem Heat kick his ass. Pseudo face turn right there.
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Rey Mysterio vs. Syxx w/Scott Hall and Kevin Nash for the Cruiserweight Title is up next, and last time these two faced on Nitro, Rey was left battered and bruised in the center of the ring. That'll probably happen this time too.
- It's hour #2 of Nitro, so the pyro goes off. DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH. Only in WCW, I tell you.
- After a Rey hurricanrana off the top, the NWO runs into the ring. BUT, Rey fights them off, and knocks both men out of the ring. That was all the distraction Syxx needed, though, and he slaps on the Buzzkiller to force Rey to tap at 4:47. **1/4. After the bout, Nash JACKKNIFES Rey right on his head. Ouch.
Nash gets on the mic, and talks about Flair and Piper. Hey yo, those guys aren't icons. Here comes Randy Savage, who talks about NWO 4 LIFE and that nobody's BETTAH THAN THE MACHO MAN....OOOOOOOHH YEEAH! DDP is in the crowd to dispute that fact, saying that Savage can't do a thing by himself. He wants to face Hall and Nash, seeing as he's found a partner and all. He's not saying who, though. I'm not going to say who it is, in case anyone's curious. Just wait until we get closer to the show. Don't spoil it for yourself if you don't know.
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The next match is Chris Jericho vs. the Ultimo Dragon.
- Hey, a matchup which frequently occured in WAR. Sonny Onoo tries to pay Jericho off, but Jericho pushes him to the ground.
- Unfortunately, this match is nowhere near as good as its predecessors. It wouldn't even have been good if given time. Dragon pins Jericho with a tiger suplex at 4:38, thankfully. *.
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On the Road with Lee Marshall in Macon, yadayadayada...
After, Mean Gene is with Rowdy Roddy Piper. He doesn't want Rodman to steal his kilt, which elicits a few boos. He wants to talk to Ric Flair, obviously. Flair comes out and says it was the fight of his life once he made it past that curtain at the Bash..but mostly, he's sorry.
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Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton are set to take on Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael, who are of course accompanied by Debra.
- Mongo was a Chicago Bear. Obviously he's beloved by this crowd. Mongo gives Jarrett a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER in mid-strut, and Buff pins Jarrett for the win. My time was messed up, but this wasn't very long. You know why Mongo tombstoned Jarrett? Well, at the Great American Bash, Jarrett accidentally hit Mongo with a briefcase, allowing Mongo to be pinned by Kevin Greene. I reviewed that match some time ago. ** for the match and turn.
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HOLLYWOOD Hogan and Dennis Rodman are set to take on Lex Luger and the GIANT, but...the WCW guys haven't made their entrance. Rodman and Hogan are going to leave, until the GIANT and Luger encounter them in the aisleway. They go back to the ring, and Giant gets Rodman in the CHOKESLAM. The ring is being PELTED with trash, and Hogan stops the chokeslam. Rodman clocks the Giant with the WCW Title, and Hogan hits Luger with it. The typical NWO beatdown ensues, as does the spraypaint. I'd be lying if I said I've seen more trash thrown into a wrestling ring before. This even tops Bash at the Beach from the year previous. This ends the show, and honestly, this was the perfect time for a Sting moment. But with Rodman there, who really knows how the crowd is going to react, this being Chicago.
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The show was good. Best segment was, uh, the ending. Simply because I'm not tired of the beatdowns yet, although I damn sure will be before too long. The worst was the whole Glacier/Miller vs. Wrath/Mortis stuff. This isn't good.
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Now, to MONDAY NIGHT RAW, from Lake Placid, NY.
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Intro to the show and all that, Bret Hart won't be there tonight, and Shawn Michaels is out 4-6 weeks because of his backstage fight with Bret. Because of this, we're going to have a tag team tournament. The winner of that is going to take on Steve Austin and a partner of his choice. Steve Austin now comes to the ring, and in mid-speech, Mankind comes on the TitanTron. He thinks that being flipped the bird shows a bond between them, but Austin says that he doesn't need a freak following him around. He didn't need Shawn Michaels shaking his ass all the time, either. Well, Mankind says that he has a nice ass, Austin says he has a fat ass, and that's the end of their conversation. We flashback to what happened last week when Austin was attacked before his match with Brian Pillman, and he's going to whip Pillman's ass when they face off later tonight. Here comes Ken Shamrock, to different music, again. He challenges Austin, and Austin accepts, saying he'll beat him after he beats Pillman.
Pillman has an interview in which he displays his dislike for the fact that his stablemates will be handcuffed to the ringposts during his match...
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And now, we have the New Blackjacks taking on Owen Hart and the British Bulldog. First round of the tag tourney, I might add.
- There isn't much else to say, other than that Owen gave Bradshaw a spinning heel kick and Bradshaw was pinned for 3 by Bulldog at 3:39. *1/2.
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Paul Bearer and the Undertaker are backstage, where Bearer tells us that he can do WHATEVER HE WANTS.
Ken Shamrock is backstage too, and he cuts a terrible promo. I drew nothing from it.
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HHH w/Chyna is facing Phineas Godwinn now...
- Thank goodness Henry Godwinn had a messed up neck. It saved us from many terrible tag team matches featuring those two hicks.
- Chyna weakly pushed the entrance attire guy before the match. Super weak. Anyhow, toward the end of the match, Chyna gets on the apron, and Phineas kisses her. That's all the distraction HHH needed to give Godwinn the PEDIGREE for the 3 count at 3:34. 1/2*, wasn't good at all. Henry Godwinn comes down the aisle, and he argues with Phineas. He tells Vince McMahon that it's "his fault," and leaves. Vince Russo's fingerprints are all over that.
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Faarooq is with D'Lo Brown, and Faarooq says that two BLACKER members will be added to the Nation tonight.
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Sunny is the guest ring announcer for...Brian Christopher vs. Chris Candido. Yes, I just said that. And Paul Heyman is on commentary.
- I like the angle, but this is just weird. A USWA vs. ECW match on WWF TV?
- Jerry Lawler comes down to the ring, and pulls Candido off the top rope, getting his son DQ'd at 2:44. Lawler, Christopher and Rob Van Dam all stomp on Candido, until Tommy Dreamer makes the save. *.
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Ahmed Johnson says that the Undertaker needs to do things the easy way, just like Paul Bearer said. Don't understand that.
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Jim Neidhart faces Goldust w/Marlena now....
- It's weird seeing the ANVIL in a singles match. Unfortunately, this match is as bad as it sounds. The British Bulldog comes to the ring, you know, because Marlena slapped him last week. Goldust slaps the Bulldog, and pins Neidhart after a punch at 3:46. Neidhart took a ridiculous bump on a punch you could see didn't even hit. So, DUD.
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After a few promos, we have Steve Austin vs. Brian Pillman. The rest of the Hart Foundation is handcuffed to the ringposts.
- Owen continuously tries to get the handcuffs off, to no avail. At least for now. Austin loves to beat on the rest during the match, and we go to a commercial.
- We're back, and Pillman's nose is broken. When Austin gives one of the two referees a STUNNER, Owen reaches into that official's pocket and grabs the keys to unlock himself. He unlocks Neidhart and Bulldog, so at 8:30 (shown), Pillman gets disqualified, as they pound on Austin. **.
Mankind, Goldust and Shamrock all run down to the ring to break things up, at least until Shamrock gives Austin a belly-to-belly suplex. They brawl, until the Legion of Doom comes out. Mankind has mysteriously disappeared, and Goldust grabs a microphone. He wants these five that are in the ring right now to be the five that take on the Hart Foundation at Canadian Stampede. And you know what, he thinks they'll kick their asses. Austin says that he doesn't need the other four, but seeing as he has to have them to take part in that match, he's going to accept. So the main event at Canadian Stampede is set.
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The Hart Foundation is in the back, and they're fine with facing those five. They don't discriminate, they love to kick everyone's ass, they say.
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Here comes Sable, who's the guest ring announcer for this match between Robert Fulton and Tommy Rogers.
- First reaction, WHAT THE FUCK? The Fantastics are facing each other? On WWF TV no less? It's short, but good anyway. At 2:48, Rogers pins Fulton after an UNPRETTIER. *3/4. I can't understand this. After the bout, Marc Mero comes down the aisle. You know why? Because he kinda wants Sable to go to the back. I loved this angle, and the seeds have been planted. Fortunately or unfortunately, he doesn't wrestle until September.
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The Headbangers are taking on Jerry Lawler and Rob Van Dam as part of this tag team tournament...
- Heyman and Tommy Dreamer are in the crowd...you know something's gonna happen. These old clips make me miss RVD...just being honest.
- Big chants of "YOU SOLD OUT" are pointed towards RVD...and when the referee is distracted, THE SANDMAN comes down the aisle and canes Lawler in the nuts. The Headbangers pin Lawler after a cool double team move (don't know what to call it)at 4:38, and now, we brawl. There's a huge fight, at least until it's broken up. Match was *1/2.
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Ahmed Johnson and the Undertaker w/Paul Bearer vs. Faarooq and a mystery partner is our main event.
- You know who the mystery partner is? Well, after much delay, it's KAMA MUSTAFA. Talk about a disappointment. We go to a commercial...
- After the commercial, Kama pins Taker CLEAN with a uranage at 3:49 (shown). Yes, I just said that KAMA pinned the Undertaker clean, 1/2*. Ahmed gets in the ring after the match, and gives the Undertaker the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE. Following that...he stands with the Nation, and salutes, to much disdain. He's member #4.
End show.
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The show was decent, the best segment was probably the lead up to the 10 man tag at Canadian Stampede, and the worst was Jim Neidhart vs. Goldust. Nitro was much better this week, and if not for the Stampede buildup and Ahmed turn, we'd be talking about a pretty bad show.
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The RAW from before WrestleMania X8 will be up next. And then of course, WM X8 itself.
7:45 p.m.
• If you can’t find the joke in this one then shame on you.
Actually, I don’t get the whole “Our children NEED laptops.” Then again, I had my school years just before the whole computer thing really took off. I have to laugh because I remember doing a research paper in high school on this piece of shit word processor my mom bought because it was the “latest” thing. My how the times have changed. As I was entering college, the Internet began to emerge. Oh the days of going into chatrooms without web cams or those audio recorders. A much easier time to pretend you were an 18-year-old hottie with a D cup size.
I get that computer skills are more important than ever, but I still have doubts when hearing how it should be mandatory that the State give every kid a laptop. Can we start slow, like say make sure these kids can read?
Oh, and since we’re making fun of one of the more dependable red states out there, here's one of my favorite South Park live-action segments.
Oh, and peep this version.
It's always interesting to see the type of person they hire to do the voices in these situations. Oh, and...
...whoever thinks the above video is funny needs beaten. And beaten hard.
8:15 p.m.
• Yeah, because drug dealers will just stop selling drugs if the State bans little baggies.
I can see it now: SUPER-SIZE ME~!
This isn't the best show as you all know, but like all others, it's going to be reviewed.
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Gene Okerlund (now) introduces the show...and from New York, it's Vince McMahon and Susan St. James. America the Beautiful is sung by Ray Charles, and you can't say anything bad about that. Mean Gene says some things from Chicago, and before our first match, Roddy Piper has something to say about his boxing match against Mr. T. Nothing of note is said.
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The first match on the card is Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco w/Mr. Fuji.
Blow-by-blow: These two have attributes which Vince loves. Big, and roided. Thus, they start the show off. Both say things via soundbyte at the beginning of the match, and here we go. Muraco and Orndorff slam each other, and after Orndorff's slam, he makes fun of Fuji's race. Cold. Muraco knees Orndorff and elbows him, but Orndorff whips Muraco into the buckle and backdrops him. An armdrag and drop toe-hold follow, as does an armbar. A Muraco armdrag doesn't break Orndorff's armbar, but a samoan drop does. They trade punches, and Orndorff gives Muraco an elbow. Both brawl to the outside, and we have a double countout at 4:33. Big "bullshit" chant follows, and yeah, those fans certainly have the right. This isn't a TV taping.
Match Analysis: Yeah, that was a terrible finish. Was going well until that point...*1/4.
Mr. T says that his fists are going to do the talking tonight, and now...
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Here's George Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Championship. But first, Randy Savage cuts a promo.
Blow-by-blow: To start, we have the typical beginning of match Steele nonsense. He chases Savage around the ring, and when back inside, he gives Savage a choketoss. He's infatuated with Liz, so Savage is able to take control. He gives Steele a crossbody off the top for a 2 count, so Steele dumps him to the outside. Macho sneaks in from the other side of the ring and attacks, but Steele bites him. Savage goes outside to grab some flowers, and after hitting Steele with them, Steele gets them and shoves them in Savage's face. Steele comes a little too close to Liz outside the ring, so Savage comes off the top with BOMBS AWAY. On the inside, he slams Steele and goes up to the top, coming off with the FLYING ELBOW. It only gets a 2 count (WTF?), so after a Steele missed charge, Savage covers him with his feet on the ropes for 3 at 7:08.
Match Analysis: Awful. Awful. Awful. On the basis of strictly wrestling, there were, uh, 6 wrestling moves, counting the rollup w/feet on ropes. Ain't good enough, and certainly worth negatives. -**.
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Mean Gene is with Bill Fralic and Big John Studd in Chicago to talk about the battle royal, and of course, the two disagree on a few things. Back to New York we go...
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For George Wells vs. Jake "the Snake" Roberts.
Blow-by-blow: Wells attacks Roberts to start the match, and backdrops him. Roberts tosses Wells out and fights him on the outside, until Wells tosses him back in. Wells shoulderblocks Roberts and headbutts him, then he whips him into the buckle. Wells gives him a flying headscissors, and a scoop slam. Wells gives Roberts a kneelift and powerslam, which gets a 2 count. Roberts bails to the outside, and when he comes back in, he gives Wells a kneelift. That's followed up by the DDT, for the 3 count at 3:07. Roberts takes Damien out of the bag, and puts him all over Wells. Gross.
Match Analysis: Simple Roberts squash. Nothing wrong there. *3/4.
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There's some taped footage from the Mr. T/Roddy Piper feud, mostly featuring stuff that was in my last review.
Hulk Hogan's with Jesse Ventura in Los Angeles...yes, I marked to see Ventura interviewing Hogan. Hogan doesn't care about Jesse, BROTHER, only Bundy, BROTHER.
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Howard Finkel is with a few celebrities, and with the use of wikipedia, I can tell you what all are famous for. Joan Rivers (obvious, don't need to say), is the guest ring announcer. The guest judges for this boxing match are Darryl Dawkins (basketball player), Cab Calloway (jazz singer), and G. Gordon Liddy (mastermind of first break-in during Watergate). The timekeeper is Herb (famous for some Burger King commercials). He's a nerd, you know.
Yeah, the match is Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper in a boxing match. The wrestlers have Joe Frazier and Lou Duva in their corners, respectively. I'm going to save a ton of words, and use the fast-forward button. As we all know, Piper slams Mr. T with the referee down and gets disqualified. We can call this -*****. It's one of the worst matches I've ever seen. There's a postmatch brawl, and thankfully, this ends the worst portion of the show.
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To Chicago we go, with Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby.
The first match on that portion of the card is Velvet McIntyre vs. Fabulous Moolah for the Ladies Title.
Blow-by-blow: Moolah snapmares McIntyre while pulling her hair, and clotheslines McIntyre as well. McIntyre comes back with two dropkicks and a back elbow, before a scoop slam. McIntyre goes up to the 2nd rope, but she misses a splash and Moolah pins her for 3 at the 58 second mark.
Match Analysis: *, standard fare, and too short to knock off or add to anyway.
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The next bout was Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/Classy Freddie Blassie.
Blow-by-blow: Volkoff sings the Russian National Anthem, which I love. Unfortunately, he doesn't get pelted with trash. Kirchner's dubbed music is comical. Enough of that though, as Volkoff starts the bout with a spin kick. Volkoff tosses Kirchner out and bites him, before ramming him into the ringpost. Kirchner bleeds and they go back in the ring, where Kirchner makes his comeback. Kirchner pushes the referee, then grabs Blassie's cane and hits Volkoff with it. That gets the pinfall at 1:35.
Match Analysis: Sucked. Too short. 1/2*.
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For the battle royal, I'll pull something out of an old file. I've reviewed it before.
From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.
This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago (actually, it's been months, now). The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 7/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching.
(P.S. I changed the rating to 7/10. Wasn't really as great as I first thought.)
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The main event from Chicago is the British Bulldogs w/Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs. The Dream Team w/Johnny V for the WWF Tag Titles. There is another referee on the outside, so no cheating.
Blow-by-blow: Davey and Valentine starts, with an elbow from Valentine. Valentine misses an elbowdrop, but he hiptosses Davey. Valentine misses a forearm, so Dynamite tags in. He rams Valentine into the buckle for a 2 count, and gives him a snap suplex. After an elbowdrop, Davey tags back in and gives Valentine a delayed vertical suplex, for a 2 count. Davey rams Valentine into the buckle, but Valentine comes back with an elbow and a headbutt below the belt, to put it kindly. Beefcake tags in and tries to work on Davey's arm, but Davey gives him a gorilla press slam. Dynamite tags in, and chops Beefcake for a 2 count. He cradles Beefcake for 2, and Davey tags in. Davey gives Beefcake a fisherman's suplex for 2, and then Valentine tags in. He comes off the top with a big chop, and gives Davey a suplex for 2. Valentine goes to a short chinlock, but Dynamite tags in and shouldercharges into Valentine for a 2 count. A double shoulderblock gets 2, as Beefcake breaks up the cover. Dynamite sunset-flips Valentine for 2, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. A kneedrop follows for 2, but Valentine comes back with a piledriver for 2. Gorilla Monsoon says that Ozzy is shaking at ringside...go figure. *Insert joke here* Valentine goes to the top, but Dynamite slams him off. The cover only gets one as they brawl, and Dynamite slams Valentine. Smith tries to gorilla press Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine gets out of the way. He clocks Dynamite from behind, but Davey tags in and gives Valentine the running powerslam for a 2 count. Davey suplexes Valentine for 2, but Valentine gains control when he rams Davey shoulder-first into the ringpost. Beefcake tags in and gives Davey a hammerlock, then he drops him on his head after raising him into the air. He rams Davey to the buckle, and tags in Valentine, who gives Davey a shoulderbreaker for 2. He pulls Davey up, but as Dynamite is perched on the top turnbuckle, Davey rams Valentine's head into Dynamite's, which gets the pinfall at 12:01. To say Dynamite took a huge bump down to the floor is an understatement. After the match, Davey, Ozzy and Lou Albano say a few things, basically how glad the Bulldogs are that they're champions, and that they'll stay around in the US to defend them.
Match Analysis: The one constant in all these good Dream Team matches is that Beefcake doesn't come in the match very much. I don't recall whether or not I said that before. I didn't think it was as good as the match from Saturday Night's Main Event. I would've given it ***1/2, but Dynamite's huge bump takes that up a notch. We're talking Mick Foley levels of bumpage there. ***3/4.
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To Los Angeles we go, where Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira are on commentary.
The first match from LA is Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez.
Blow-by-blow: Lee Marshall is the ring announcer. That's weird. Hercules attacks at the start, and rams Steamboat into the buckle. Steamboat comes back with a few armdrags, and holds onto Hercules with an armbar. Steamboat gives Hercules another armdrag, and a few elbowdrops to boot. Steamboat gives Hercules a back elbow and suplex, but Hercules gains control after ramming Steamboat into the turnbuckle. Hercules gives Steamboat a BIG clothesline, and drops him throat-first on the top rope. Steamboat tries a slam, but Hercules falls on top of him for 2. Hercules gives Steamboat two elbowdrops, and then poses, before a cover that gets 2. Hercules clotheslines Steamboat for 2, and gives him two gorilla press slams, before going to the top. Hercules dives off and onto Steamboat's knees, so Steamboat goes up top and gives him a crossbody for the victory at 7:31.
Match Analysis: Pretty good stuff. This should've been the match to open the show in New York. **1/2.
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Uncle Elmer (ugh) vs. Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart is the next bout...
Blow-by-blow: At the start, the crowd chants "faggot" towards Adonis. I larfed. Adonis is wearing a dress, at least until Elmer tears it off. Adonis hugs Jimmy Hart after being chased, and back inside, Elmer attacks him. He tosses Adonis towards the buckle, and Adonis goes upside-down, over and out. Back in, and an Elmer right puts Adonis out. Now Elmer tears off Adonis' dress, and he slingshots Adonis into the ring. Adonis gets tied in the ropes and beaten up, at least until he's untied. He comes back in and Elmer gives him an AVALANCHE, but he misses a big legdrop. Adrian goes to the top and gives Elmer a big splash, which gets the victory at 3:01.
Match Analysis: Haven't seen anything better from Elmer, but this was all Adonis anyway. Elmer just stood there and punched once in a while. *1/2.
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Lord Alfred Hayes is with Hulk Hogan, well you know somethin' AWFUL ALFRED, BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER I'M GONNA WHIP BUNDY BROTHER.
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The next matchup is a good one, which has the Funk Brothers w/Jimmy Hart taking on the Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana.
Blow-by-blow: I'm not going to call Dory Funk "Hoss Funk." We'll just call him Dory. Terry throws a chair into the ring, but Dory and JYD are going to start the match. They lock-up, and Terry falls into the ring while trying to grab JYD, so JYD slams them both. The Funks bail, and when getting back in, it's Santana taking on Terry. Terry chops away, until Santana clotheslines him over the top rope. Santana dropkicks Dory a few times, until Terry gets back into the ring. JYD tags in, and rams Terry into the buckle a whole bunch. JYD headbutts Terry for a 2 count, and tosses him over the top rope after the cover. Dory and Santana come in, and Santana gives Dory the FLYING JALAPENO for 2. Santana and Dory do a criss-cross, at least until Terry knees Santana in the back. Terry tosses Tito out so Jimmy Hart can kick him, but eventually, JYD stops that. He chases Hart away and puts Santana back in the ring, where Terry suplexes him for a 2 count. The referee pushes Terry when Terry gets a little rude, and we have a double collision. Dory comes in and gives Santana a double underhook suplex for 2, and Terry tags back in. A double clothesline and legdrop follows, for a 2 count. Terry misses a second legdrop, which allows JYD to tag in. He cleans house, until Terry chokes him with the tag rope. JYD backdrops Terry to the floor (GIANT BUMP), and then he slams him through a table. WHOA. JYD clocks Hart, as Santana puts the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK on Dory, but Terry wallops JYD upside his head with the megaphone. Obviously, that allows him to get the pinfall, and the time was 11:43.
Match Analysis: Hell yes. That was fun. On most other shows, this is the best tag match. On most, but on this one, no. Still great. ***1/4.
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Before the main event, there's a Bundy/Hogan feud recap. Hogan's lifting weights and talking to MEAN GENE, but afterward, we have another promo....
It's King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan, who are talking to Jesse Ventura. Routine "I am the next WWF Champ" stuff.
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Yeah, the last match on the card is King Kong Bundy w/Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan in a STEEL CAGE match for the WWF Championship. Tommy Lasorda is your ring announcer, and who cares about the rest.
Blow-by-blow: Hogan attacks and chokes King Kong Bundy with the strap on his ring attire, before ramming Bundy into the cage. Hogan clotheslines Bundy and hits him with a running elbow, so Bundy goes to Hogan's injured ribs. Bundy slams Hogan and puts his boot in his face, before going for the cage door. He can't make it out, so instead, he slams Hogan into the cage. Back to the door he goes, but he can't make it out. Bundy un-tapes Hogan's ribs, and chokes him with the tape. Bundy ties Hogan in the ropes with the tape, but he can't make it out the door, as Hogan pulls him back in. Hogan takes Bundy to the buckle and gives him a back elbow, then he rams Bundy into the cage. Bundy bleeds as Heenan covers up his forehead, and Hogan punches away. Hogan rakes Bundy's back, before ramming him into the cage two more times. He tries to slam Bundy, but Bundy falls on top of him. The door's open, but Bundy can't make it over. Hogan tries to choke him with the tape, but Bundy gives him an eye gouge. He takes Hogan to the corner, and gives him the AVALANCHE. A BIG SPLASH and another AVALANCHE follows, and now, time to HULK UP BROTHER. Powerslam, DROP THE FUCKIN' LEG, over the top of the cage and out, after knocking Bundy back down to the canvas, at 10:17. Heenan's stuck inside the cage, then Hogan comes in and tosses him into the cage. End of show, with Hogan posing.
Match Analysis: A standard cage match to be sure, but for some reason, I enjoy this even more the more often I see it. **1/4. Sloppy bladejob from Bundy takes it down a bit.
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Rating: Bad. I have to change my standards for terrible. We'll make it 2 negative star matches and nothing at or over ***. If there are 3 negative star matches, we'll say nothing at or over ***1/2 gets a terrible rating. Anyway, this is probably the 3rd worst WrestleMania. I think 9 and 15 are the only ones which are worse.
Best Segment: The British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team.
Worst Segment: The "boxing" match.
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RAW and Nitro from 6/16/97 will be up next.
8:30 p.m.
• So Favre’s done.
I was never a huge Favre fan, but he did have one hell of a career. I’m not sure if it’s my Mid-Atlantic bias or whatnot, but I’ve never really considered him one of the NFL’s all-time greats. If people consider him to be, then so be it. I’m not sure what’s more surprising: That he wants to call it a career after throwing that interception in the NFC Conference Championship or deciding on whether or not he’s going to play the next season so early into an off-season.
• Guess nobody in his party had a resurrection spell.
Peace out. I’m not sure if I was a true D&D gamer. When I was a kid, I loved going through this stuff, but I never had the patience (or the friends) to actually get a game going. I remember one time I actually tried putting an adventure together and one of the people in the party was being a smart ass about 5 minutes in – he wanted to walk past the CAVE OF ADVENTURE and move somewhere off the OFFICIAL MAP. I got pissed, said a lightning bolt struck his character and he died. I think I got up, walked over and punched him in the arm. A few minutes later we all were doing something else.
Even now I like going through D&D books just for the artwork. I always get a laugh at how in the Monster Manuals many of the illustrations show the bad guys pwning their opponents. And while I grew up with the Basic manual that showed the fighter and chick wizard fighting some water lizard.
Then there was the EXPERT rules, which showed a Dick Cheney-like wizard behind the scenes pulling all the strings.
And I always stayed away from that Advanced shit. I mean look at this bad-ass coming at you here.
I don’t care how good that chick’s poon is – bitch, you’re on your own.
And don’t even get me started on the rule changes that have taken place with the newer versions with those +5 initiatives and other micro shit that would make someone like me recoil in horror; I want to kill bad guys with my sword, not try to get a stealth bonus with my bugbear ranger. Give me an elf that can wear metal armor AND cast spells and put him with a fighter, cleric, magic-user, thief and I’m set.
Memories:
5:15 p.m.
• So if you know a couple who went through a miscarriage, and you actually care about these people, DON’T do the following:
1) Say “Well that means the baby was probably deformed or something.”
2) Mail a Jesus booklet with a headline on the cover that says “You baby is dead.”
Did I tell you who did both things? My mom. And the sad thing is she’s trying to be supportive. I’m not offended or anything, but it’s bad enough when the “baby” or “new parent” free magazines show up in the mail.
Speaking of my mom and the mail, when that dead baby booklet showed up in the mail, there was a letter from the mailman that said I owed 32 cents. My guess is that the dead baby book wasn’t accurately weighed. So I went into the ol’ piggy bank, put in 32 pennies and placed the “IOU” envelope back in the mailbox. But hey, at least the post office figured out the right address this time.
Uh oh.
• I finally got around to watching the “My Big Redneck Wedding” show in which my region was featured. Let’s run down the checklist of what I saw on the program that made me feel right at home:
Pickup truck that’s cleaner than their house? Check.
Steeler jersey? Check.
Lemieux jersey? Check.
Reception held at fire hall? Check.
OK, now here’s what scared me. The groom’s wedding band was purchased at the same place I bought mine. Additionally, Mrs. kkk’s wedding dress and the show’s bride-to-be got both of their garments from the identical location. Hilarious.
