I usually don't do the house shows unless something really catches my eye, and in this case, something did. You'll see what it was, later. So yeah, 9-6-86 show from the Boston Garden.
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So, our first match from Boston is a fantastic singles competition between Sivi Afi and Pete Doherty.
- Jobberific! Gorilla says something about how Afi wanted to be called "Toma" now...I believe this indicates that Afi was going to be the second Islander, as Haku's partner. If anything, it's a rough draft, so to speak.
- Afi's matches are usually paced well, but not this one, because Doherty has quite a few years on his body, to say the least. Afi gives him a crossbody off the top at 7:02, and that gives him the victory via pinfall. *1/4. The rating is self explanatory.
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This is one of the reasons I watched the show, but not THE reason. Yes, it's the Hart Foundation vs. the US Express.
- I suppose I'll never understand why Rotunda's name always changed to Rotundo, and vice versa. I don't think I could ever get used to the Hart Foundation not wearing pink and black. Black and turquoise here...
- Bret botched a leapfrog over Spivey in the middle of the match, because Spivey is so tall. I laughed. The Express sorta play heel, but because they represent the US, the crowd never boos them, you see. At around 10 minutes, I was pretty sure that this was going to be a 20 minute draw. It was a 20 minute draw after the bell rang at 18:32, but my favorite part of the match was the extremely long chase around the ring sequence. Spivey chased both members of the Hart Foundation in succession for about 30 seconds each. **1/2. The crowd didn't really care all that much.
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Although I know that George Steele is the guy facing Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth for the Intercontinental Title, this is the reason I watched the show. I never can get enough of watching Savage.
- Steele attacks Savage at the start with...a BODYSLAM! Wow, Steele did an actual wrestling move. Savage hits Steele multiple times with a foreign object that he had hidden in his tights, and I loved it. Talk about a blind ref, he didn't even notice.
- They be brawlin', until Savage gets hit with a chair by Steele at...no time. I don't even think the bell sounded to start the match. Obviously, Steele gets disqualified. Savage runs backstage, and while Steele celebrates, Savage attacks him. Steele comes back, and Savage runs backstage, only to come back again and be thwarted in his attack by Steele. *1/2, which is saying a lot in regards to a Steele match. Steele brings a few kids in the ring, and they eat turnbuckles with him. How nice.
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Rene Goulet vs. Pedro Morales is....
Whoops, I believe I accidentally hit the fast forward button on my remote control.
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Our next match is King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan vs. The Machines. Big and Super are the two Machines taking part in this match.
- Big Machine is played by Blackjack Mulligan, and Super Machine is played by Bill Eadie, who most would know as Demolition Ax. There you have it.
- Hosstastic! There's a lot of beef in the ring. Heenan comes on commentary...lots of trash is being thrown at Bundy and Studd, throughout the match. It gets worse when Studd and Bundy argue, and even worse than that when Heenan breaks up a pin attempt on Studd, getting his team DQ'd at 9:06. Brain grabs a microphone, and wants the Machines to get a partner for next month. Oh yeah, son! *3/4.
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Seeing as Heenan got all upset, he won't be accompaning KING Harley Race for his match against Corporal Kirchner.
- This show is pretty star-studded. The guy in the front row has two fingers for Kirchner. Guess which ones.
- This is a strange matchup, to put it nicely. The match is a showcase of all Harley's signature moves and bumps, so I enjoyed it. It's a little too long, though, as evidenced by the bored crowd. Kirchner comes off the rope with a crossbody, but Race reverses it, getting the win at 13:46. **. Such an overused finish in the 80's, but I rarely see it now. Not sure if that's good or bad, but everything now is hit your finisher (or multiple finisher sequence), pin. Throw in some variation, please.
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Cowboy Bob Orton is facing a hillbilly, thankfully, it's the one that can wrestle a little, Cousin Luke.
- Orton is Adrian Adonis' bodyguard at this time, which explains his pink hat that he wore to the ring. There's a gigantic boring chant, so this ended quickly. Figured. Luke charged into an Orton knee, and got pinned at 4:12. 1/2*. With Luke's buddies, this could've been terrible.
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Our main event is Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik w/Slick vs. The British Bulldogs, for the WWF Tag Team Titles.
- Volkoff's rendition of the Russian national anthem always gets big heel heat. There's only been two dead wrestlers on the show. I was taken aback by that, because most of the time when watching these old shows, I think about how so many wrestlers that I used to watch have died.
- Gorilla Monsoon talked with Slick during a part of the match, and said that Slick had big lips. Ok, Gorilla didn't really say that. He said he'd give him bigger lips than the ones he already has if he didn't shut it.
- The scroll in the scoreboard area at Boston Garden says that it'll be PIPER MACHINE teaming up with the Machines against Heenan, Bundy and Studd next month. I figured they'd give it away to sell tickets. Bulldog rolls Sheik up at the end of an underwhelming match, the cradle gets reversed twice by Dynamite and once by Volkoff, but it still gives the British Bulldogs the win at 10:57. **. Sheik and Davey were on the canvas for about a 30 count. For real. That's the end of the show, obviously.
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Show was, eh, good. For a house show, your standards have to be lowered. You just have to be glad to see a good collection of talent in competitive matches. We had that here, so its good. I try to take the perspective of a fan that paid good money for a ticket with house shows. Best match was the Hart Foundation vs. the US Express, and the worst was probably Rene Goulet vs. Pedro Morales. The worst I watched was Bob Orton vs. Cousin Luke.
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ECW from 2/18/96 was next...this show was a jumbled mess, albeit fun, so my typing is going to look like a jumbled mess too.
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Missy Hyatt and Sandman talked about masturbation with Sandman's singapore cane at the beginning of the show, which somehow segued into a 6 man tag, as the Bad Crew took on Dino Sendoff, the Dirtbike Kid and Don E. Allen.
The crowd SHIT all over it. The Bad Crew squashed these guys, and Sandman came in after the match, to cane all of them. The audience liked that.
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Intro to the show and all that, as Joey Styles is in the ring. The lights go off...and it's BRIAN FUCKING PILLMAN, who appears in the middle of the ring ! Sign Guy has a sign that says, "don't work me!" That was great. Obviously, this is the scene of his insane promo. I'll just post it.
My favorite part was when Shane said, "he's shooting!" See, those words, for me anyway, have become synonymous with WCW, so to hear them here reminded me of Shane Douglas in WCW 2000.
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Joey Styles hypes Taz as being a real loose cannon, so Bill Alfonso has to start talkin', on this little video. I love him. He rambled the whole time..."I'm eating steak!"
The Gangstas were supposed to face The Headhunters on this show, but New Jack found himself in jail. Excuse me for a second. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, the Headhunters beat on Mustafa Saed.
Now we get to the Headhunters match, and they're taking on the surprise team of...the BRUISE BROTHERS. Oh no. Tommy Dreamer had brought them in for the night, Joey says. More on that later.
- Yeah, they were facing a surprise team. I guess when they meant surprise, they meant it in the worst way. The Bruise Brothers are the Harris Brothers, in case you didn't know.
- It's a brawl, but you couldn't see anything for a good sized portion of what was shown. Is that a good thing? I think so. One of the Harris Brothers pinned a Headhunter, and a Headhunter pinned a Harris, at the same time. But the Harris Brothers won, as their pin was the one that was counted.
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We get the marcea hatt omves lal runoda with Lance Wright, and then, clips from Stevie Richards and the Eliminators vs. The Pitbulls and Francine in a Dog Collar Match. There's really nothing of importance, except for a few Super Bombs. We moved forward, and as the Eliminators were choking out the Pitbulls with their chains, Francine pinned Stevie for a 3 count. For that, everyone was Totally Eliminated after the match. That's the price you pay.
The Eliminators cut a promo, and show us a video of many of their TOTAL ELIMINATIONS.
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Buh Buh Ray Dudley faces Mr. Hughes right now...I never got the whole Mr. Hughes thing. Big Dick Dudley wouldn't allow Hughes to beat on Buh Buh, so he kicks Hughes' ass, and Buh Buh gives Hughes a big splash off the top for the 3 count after about 30 seconds. DUD.
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Joey Styles is with Tommy Dreamer....but here comes Raven. Raven talks about what happens to liars in other countries, and since Tommy got Beulah pregnant, he insinuates that he'll cut Tommy's dick off. The Harris Brothers and Shane Douglas come to the ring at the sound of that, and Tommy asks Shane to get Beulah out of here. When Shane's gone, the Harris Brothers attack Tommy and ram him dick-first into the ringpost, over and over. Remember, the Harris Brothers were supposed to be Tommy's friends. That's the end of the show.
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Next time, I'll just write a paragraph or two about the ECW show. It was all over the place. I can't even rate it.
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Last, I watched Smackdown, from Corpus Christi.
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The first segment is a repeat of Monday. You know, how all 6 participants in the Elimination Chamber came to the ring and cut promos, but this one ended as Taker appeared in the ring after the lights were turned out. Also, we get a 6 man tag tonight, just like on RAW. USE DIFFERENT IDEAS.
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The first match on the show was a rematch from ECW last week, Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane.
- Before the match, THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NUUUH
- Kane gets a LOT of offense. After knocking Shelton back into the ring from the outside, Kane gets counted out, at 6:02. *1/2. Kane getting all that offense wasn't necessarily a good thing.
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Chuck Palumbo faced Jamie Noble w/Michelle McCool next....
- Too much punch, kick. Noble flew off the top to the outside and landed on Chuck's bike, so Chuck tossed Noble into the ring and finished him off at 3:56. *.
After the match, Chuck whipped Noble's ass. The only bad thing about this angle is that I don't necessarily buy Chuck as a guy who has the "whoop ass mentality." Chuck was going to run Noble over with his motorcycle, but he didn't. He should've.
WWE did some positive stuff in China, because they have an office there. This was one of those, "we're a company who cares about the people" pieces.
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The next match was a tag team match, featuring Jesse and Festus who were taking on Deuce & Domino w/Cherry.
- Is Festus supposed to be a retard? Anyway, the ringbell rang and he went nuts. The match finished with after a flapjack variation by Festus at 4:00. 3/4*, that gimmick is AWFUL.
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Edge has his interview segment up next, that being the CUTTING EDGE, and his guest is Vickie Guerrero. Edge says he has a surprise for her on Valentine's Day, but what he really wants is for Rey Mysterio to come out and apologize to her for accidentally giving her a 619 at the Rumble. Rey comes out, and tries to explain himself, but gets slapped twice by Vickie. Edge attacks Rey, and grabs two chairs from outside of the ring. Rey kicks one into his face, and gives him a 619. Edge goes out of the ring, but Rey jumps onto him, ending their little spat. Rey tells Vickie he's sorry, and leaves.
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This new interviewer is with Edge, and asks him if he's going to propose to Vickie Guerrero next week. He says that it isn't any of her business.
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Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang are set to take on the Edgeheads...
- Just kill me now. I hate Yang's stupid dance.
- At one moment, I thought Yang had hurt his wrist, but really, he just sold it very well. Curt Hawkins pinned Shannon Moore after a curtain call at 3:31. *1/4. Glad to see Moore and Yang lose.
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Time for the main event, that being The Great Khali, MVP and Big Daddy V vs. Batista, the Undertaker, and Finlay.
- There's a commercial break after the entrances, and when we come back,the match is on. I really want to know who thought it was a good idea to repeat booking on both brands. I also want to know if anyone thinks the Elimination Chamber with these six will be any good.
- There's really no other way to put it, except that this is awful. You have two guys who only do good work with each other, and they're on the same team. You have two that cannot wrestle, one whose age is seemingly beginning to affect his in-ring work, and the last one is too small for his heat segment work with Taker to be believable. After 14:26 of DOGSHIT, Finlay hits Khali with the shillelagh, getting himself disqualified. The babyfaces tease dissension, and that ends the show. DUD.
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First hour was good, second was probably the worst TV I've seen from WWE in the last month and a half. Show was TERRIBLE. Now that I've finally called a show terrible, I can explain how I rate shows like that. For PPV's, it takes two negative star matches, and nothing over ****. For TV shows, it takes nothing over *1/2, and at least one DUD, plus uninteresting angles, like the Edge/Vickie and Jesse/Festus stuff. Best segment was...Chuck Palumbo's beatdown of Jamie Noble, and the worst was easily the awful six man tag which ended the show.
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The Savage and Liz Coliseum Video review will be up sometime tomorrow. I almost forgot. Entry #100. Yay.
8 p.m.
• So today I went to the bank to get another debit card. For years my former place of employment had direct deposit, so I had no need to go to the ATM machine. Now I will so it was time to get a card. This meant having to go in and talk to some bank person. Yay. To make matters better, I was in my jeans and unshaved-for-two-days face. I love it when this happens because these bank people think I’m some scrub looking to start a $50 super-saver account. Now the guy I dealt with gave the usual “Oh, you have THIS much money with us?” as he pulled up the kkk account, but it was nowhere near the extreme reaction I saw with this lady a few years back.
It was 2003 and the better half and I had just moved back to Pennsylvania. I needed to take my casher’s check that was taken from the Ohio-centered bank and deposit in a more venue-friendly locale. I decided on this one bank for its location. I had just done a few days worth of moving in the dog days of August and once again hadn’t shaved for a few days. As I walked into the bank after a few hours of moving heavy stuff in a duplex that had no air conditioning, I wasn’t at my prettiest. I said to one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account, and I was directed to one of the account managers in those fancy cubicles. I was seated with some middle-aged woman who had a few other things to do. This gave me the chance to listen to the guy sitting in the cubicle next to me, who was pleading his case to that account manager due to a number of checks that he bounced. He kept bitching that the fees charged to him for each bounced check just made his other checks go bad. Uh, that’s why you DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS. He then started this pseudo-sob story about how he doesn’t have a job and all that shit – damn Bush economy. I felt sorrier for the bank employee than I did this douche. Anyway, my account lady came back and began treating me like I was just like that guy sitting in the cubicle next to me. Then she took a look at my cashier’s check and did the following.
She perked up her head.
She opened up her eyes.
She said, “Oh.”
It took everything in me to refrain from laughing out loud. I get that these people deal with a lot of scuzzballs with $100 to their name, but don’t always judge a book by its cover. Of course, all that money eventually went to a house, wedding and credit-card debt relief for the better half. However, with all this taken care of, it’s time to get back to surprising bank people.
9:45 p.m.
• Shoot. I just heard on the local radio station that Boortz is on will replace him with two local schmoes whose short-lived stay on an FM talk channel whose format only lasted six months. And I can't listen to Neal at work anymore on-line. Bastards.
This is the first time I haven't really been too jazzed about watching RAW. It'll probably be crap.
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From Austin, Texas, we have a contract signing, but we also have a John Cena vs. Mark Henry in an armwrestling contest later. Randy Orton wants John Cena to sign a contract so he can't back out of the match at No Way Out. Unless Orton attacks and bloodies him, I don't see the point of this. Cena gets a huge positive reaction when he makes his way out, and signs the contract. Mark Henry runs down to the ring to attack Cena, but Orton gives Cena an RKO first. Smart move.
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We get a Steve Austin DVD promo next...I would've bought this a few years ago, but since then, I've only bought two or three wrestling DVD's, those being the Jake Roberts DVD, Bret Hart DVD and HBK DVD. I wanted to buy the World Class one, but didn't.
Randy Orton's with Mark Henry, so Todd Grisham pops in for an interview bit. Orton justifies his actions, as we go to...
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Kelly Kelly and Mickie James vs. Victoria and Beth Phoenix.
- Uh, brand extension? I wouldn't say anything if it was ever attempted to justify why two non-RAW wrestlers were in the matches they're usually in. Say they were loaned to the show, or something. Mickie's almost as over as Trish was, if not more so.
- Mickie pins Victoria after a tornado DDT at 2:42. Nothing spectacular. *1/4.
William Regal is with Hornswoggle, and he thinks Hornswoggle should be proud of joining the "Kiss my Ass" club tonight. You know, because Regal's a member!
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Shawn Michaels comes out for a promo, cause he's putting everyone who's going to be in the Elimination Chamber on notice. I saw that the entrance was on the right side of the screen as opposed to the left side this week, and the same goes for their new video wall. It's all in reverse. Why? Chris Jericho interrupts HBK, because he doesn't think he'll win the Elimination Chamber. Y2J will, but Jeff Hardy believes otherwise. He has the desire to be in the main event at WrestleMania, you see. JBL REALLY doesn't think so. He says that Texas is a pile of trash, and that's why he left. Mega heel heat for that. JBL says that he'll pay Umaga to protect him in the chamber. So, obviously, UMAGA makes his way to the ring, and quickly thereafter, comes Snitsky. Snitsky says that he should be allowed into the Elimination Chamber. Umaga can't speak English, so he didn't say anything. HBK says that Snitsky only deserves dental care, and now, they all brawl. At least, until William Regal comes out. It'll be Snitsky, JBL and UMANGA vs. HBK, Y2J and Jeff Hardy in a 6 man tag, later tonight.
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Mr. Kennedy faces Super Crazy next...
- I'm surprised that Super Crazy hasn't been released yet. I'm sure he will be soon.
- Anyhow, there's very good psychology in this match. Kennedy applies a strange looking figure-four, and that gets Super Crazy to submit at 2:30. **. The microphone comes down, and we see a clip from MVP vs. Ric Flair on Smackdown last week. MVP got disqualified after not releasing a figure-four, so he attacked Flair after the match. He took Flair out, so to speak. Next week, Kennedy is going to give Flair a chance to forfeit their match at No Way Out. That won't happen.
Mike Adamle is in the crowd, hyping No Way Out. He's been good with this.
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It's Carlito and Santino Marella w/Maria vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick, now.
- I'm starting to get sick of the same guys jobbing every week. It's very annoying.
- Anyway, London chases Santino around the ring for more than half the match, and Carlito gives Kendrick a BACKSTABBER, which gets him the pinfall at 1:08. 1/2* I think that was the first time that Santino did something that was supposed to be funny and I didn't laugh. It was stupid.
Vince McMahon is with a guy who's buffing his ass. What the fuck?
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Let's get this over with quickly. Vince comes to the ring to talk about how all children should kiss their parents asses, literally. This was a great reason to flip the channel and never watch this show again, but I didn't change it. Should I have? Probably. Anyway, this segment was pretty disturbing. Hornswoggle comes out, and won't kiss Vince's ass. "My eyes!" Finlay comes to the ring, and Vince tells him that he's going to kiss his ass once Hornswoggle is done. Hornswoggle then bites Vince on the ass...isn't that worse than kissing it? Next week, it'll be Vince vs. Hornswoggle in a NO DQ match. And if Finlay interferes, HE'LL BE FIRED! I'm glad the crowd sat on their hands during that segment. It was terrible.
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Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch faced Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly (World Tag Team Champions) in a non-title match after that pile of junk segment, and...
- I haven't seen the champions defend these titles once. That's pretty bad.
- I don't hate Cody, but he's way too bland. He shouldn't even be on TV, yet. He DDT's Murdoch and picks up the win at 2:14. *. Carlito and Santino come out, because they're the new #1 contenders. That's all they had to say.
The Divas did Project Runway, this show on Bravo where these wannabe fashion designers, design clothes, obviously. I've never watched it.
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Here's our main event, UMAGA, Snitsky and JBL vs. Jeff Hardy, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho.
- But for Snitsky, this could be very good. HBK gets a huge pop when they start the match, because this is Texas. I've noticed that JR has been a better announcer than when I quit watching a few years back. He doesn't bungle stuff nearly as often.
- Before the commercial break, all three babyfaces plancha'd onto an opponent, in stereo. That was cool. The heat segment on Chris Jericho killed the match. I nearly fell asleep. Snitsky and Umaga just applied a hold and sat there during their respective stints in the ring. I absolutely CANNOT stand that.
- The hot tag was made to Jeff Hardy, and then everyone hit a finisher, which ended with Jeff Hardy giving Snitsky the SWANTON BOMB at 15:12. Hot finish, hot start. Awful middle. I suppose I'll be kind and give it **1/4.
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Candice Michelle returns to RAW soon, but I don't really care.
John Cena is going to face Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match, because Cena is at 100%, you know. Honestly, this kind of stuff reminds me too much of the Scott Steiner/HHH feud that SHOOK THE FOUNDATIONS of RAW in early 2003. Anyway, nobody wins the arm wrestling contest, because we have interference! Randy Orton tries to attack Cena from behind, but he bails out when Cena begins to make a comeback. Mark Henry's in trouble, F-U, end show.
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This was a bad show. Really bad. Best segment was the six man tag, which isn't to say much at all, and the worst was the ridiculousness of having an arm wrestling contest on a wrestling program. Just WRESTLE, why don't you.
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Before RAW, I watched parts 3 and 4 of the Ladder Match DVD that's been posted on 24/7. Why put it after RAW, you ask? Because I can. I just rated and noticed a few things about the matches which took place on RAW. I had a lot going on Tuesday.
The first one which took place on RAW was Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero for the Intercontinental Championship from 5/27/02.
- The part where the fan ran into the ring was cut out, which sucked. I have this match on the Eddie DVD, so nothing really stood out to me on a whole that I hadn't noticed before. It isn't the best ladder match, but it's pretty damn good. RVD wins the match after 20 minutes, btw. ****.
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The 2nd ladder match that took place on RAW was Jeff Hardy vs. the Undertaker for the Undisputed Title from 7/1/02.
- I am and I probably always will be in favor of bringing back the Undisputed Title. With two World Titles, you kinda see a lot of the same things happen on each brand within a few months of each other. That's a problem.
- This match was better than I remembered it, which isn't really to say a lot, because I was working my ass off in football and didn't really pay attention to wrestling at the time. A great job was done of building the crowd to believe that Jeff could really win the title. Taker did great, and Jeff did great. Obviously Taker won, at 14:05. ***3/4.
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The last match in these two parts which took place on RAW was Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley vs. RVD and Jeff Hardy vs. Kane in TLC match for the World Tag Team Titles from 10/7/02.
- Hurricane was gone, after being attacked by Ric Flair and HHH before the match.
- IMO, this match is better than all the other TLC matches. Hands down. I take back what I said about TLC 1 being the best. The flow was better. The spots were better, and you don't necessarily need tons and tons of falls off the top of ladders through tables to make a match great. This one was really, really fun. Plus, my cousin thought it was the best match he'd seen. So there. *****. Next time I see this one, I'll give it the full review it deserves. Outstanding.
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Now, we have WWECW, from Corpus Christi, TX. This show was a pile of shit, so my notes are VERY short. I was thoroughly bored.
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CM Punk came to the ring, and showed us video from last week where he attacked Chavo Guerrero during a fiesta to celebrate his championship win in the previous week. Chavo comes to the ring, and says that Punk insulted his heritage. Armando Estrada is outside of the building, and says that these two will fight each other in a Gulf of Mexico match. To win, you have to throw your opponent into the water. WOW. We have WrestleCrap occuring right before our eyes, between two wrestlers I like. This is embarassing. At No Way Out, Punk gets a title shot, so it's all good.
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Our first match is Kelly Kelly and Michelle McCool vs. Victoria and Layla.
- This was not very good. At least someone who knows how to wrestle won, that being Victoria, after she gave Kelly Kelly the Widow's Peak at 2:42. 1/4*.
Kane faces Shelton Benjamin on Smackdown this week...hey, now I'm definitely going to watch the show. Seriously.
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John Morrison w/The Miz vs. Tommy Dreamer w/Collin Delaney was our first singles match on the night...
- Last week, Delaney was beaten by Morrison and the Miz in a handicap match. Tommy Dreamer went out to help after the match, so here we are. I suppose Dreamer is his protector.
- Morrison tried to do a sky twister press and nearly landed on his head. Save that for the smaller guys, me thinks. Miz became a punching bag for Dreamer later in the match, but it also allowed Morrison to hit Dreamer with a neckbreaker variation for the win, so it worked. Didn't get the time. *3/4.
Stevie Richards had a sitdown interview with Joey Styles, hopefully he'll be back soon. The brand could use him.
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Kofi Kingston faces James Curtis next...
- This wasn't very good either. Kingston won with his kick, and my time disappeared. Needless to say, I wasn't about to go find it. DUD.
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Here's the Gulf of Mexico match, between CM Punk and Chavo Guerrero.
- I thought these two should have an Extreme Rules match, but not like this. Dusty's hand is all over this show. They brawled out of the arena, and tossed each other onto cars. I liked it.
- The concept is definitely WrestleCrap, but the actual match wasn't, at all. Punk GTS'd Chavo into the Gulf at 7:12. **1/4. Good match, and end show.
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The show as a whole was a pile of shit. There were decent matches, but it was so uninteresting. I'll call it bad, best segment was the Gulf of Mexico match and the worst was Kofi Kingston vs. James Curtis. Kingston has not been good thus far.
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Next column will have the Boston show from 9/6/86 (I already took notes, so I'm not backing out), original ECW, and Friday Night Smackdown. Should be up on Saturday.
The Savage and Liz Coliseum Video is going to get a review all on its own, which should be up on Sunday, I think. I have this planned out well, for once.
I'm baaaaaaaack. <crickets>
So just here waiting for my last two hours of work to end. In case you didn't know, since my last blog, I got a PS3, a Wii and most importantly, MARRIED. Life is good....mostly.
The wedding was fantastic. For the first time in my life I really feel I got more then what I paid for. It was a nice ceremony outside in the garden, and the reception was a hell of a party. We were partying so hard that the wedding coordinator(who owns the place we got married at) paid out of her own pocket to keep the party going for an extra hour. A keg of blue moon, margarita machines, and tequilla & rum shots were flowing heavy that night, but fortunately everyone got home safe. The planning was pretty stressless until about a month and a half till the wedding. We didn't even buy our wedding bands until a week and a half before the ceremony...lol.
Anyways, that was just a quick update to get myself back into the bloggin' groove. In about two hours I will be stopping by Gamestop to pick up Devil May Cry 4....BOOYAH!!!
In my inbox this morning, this little piece of spam (with today's date stamped on it no less) made its way past the filters:
From: JEFF TALLOW
Subject: NOBODY CAN STOP BRADY & MOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
The entire body of the message was: "The Patriots rule."
That's it. No penis enlargement ads...no phishing links...no offers to give me 10% of a secret Nigerian fortune--just "The Patriots rule."
Oddest piece of spam I've seen in a while...
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For those that argue that weed has no harmful long-term effects, I present evidence to the contrary:
Link
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Yesterday was my boss's birthday. To mark this glorious occasion each year, the whole group goes out to lunch at whatever local eatery she picks. Normally, I don't go on such group outings because 1) I don't really enjoy the company of most of my co-workers and 2) paying nearly $10 for lunch isn't fun but since this is the boss and I'll only be working for her for a couple more weeks I figured what the hell and went.
Big mistake.
What was supposed to be a group of 10 turned into a group of 15 thanks to a couple of the dunce caps in the group inviting extra people. The problem? The table that had been reserved was for 10, which led to all of us getting a little too close for comfort. Throw in the fact that the bun on my chicken sandwich was hard as a rock and the ice tea tasted like it was made with the dish water and you have the recipe for a fun outing.
At least I was able to escape the crowd after a bit and waste a few minutes playing the Ms. Pac Man machine that I saw on my way in through the door. And it was only 25 cents a play. I haven't seen a 25 cent machine in probably 5 years.
8 a.m.
• So SUPER TUESDAY has come and went. Whatever. No matter who gets the nomination for my side or the other I’ll probably be ill. Sad thing is, I started thinking about who in my Party could be a viable candidate. I can’t think of anyone. Christ, and my commie neighbors will probably have Hitlery or Obama signs on their lawns this year. I might just get a McCain sign just to piss them off. I still have yet to make my mark on the primary season. Thanks, PA.
• I need to pay attention to the NBA more often than just before playoff time.
You know, I'd like to see this go down just to see Shaq Daddy run up and down the court like a fiend.
6:30 p.m.
• Well today we had to go to the hospital to get kkk jr. out of the better half. The procedure is known as a D&C. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes, but the waiting/prep/etc. lasted the entire day. Even though the experience was godawful, I’ll say this: After walking by some of the “cancer centers” it could have been MUCH worse.
• I thought about this earlier today while watching footage of the Giants ticker-tape parade. You know who has got to have a shitty job? The people that plan for those kinds of events only to have the hometown team lose. I can’t imagine how much planning would be involved in arranging the security/travel/etc., and then to have nothing to show for it. Ugh.
7:15 p.m.
• So I watched a bit of the Super Bowl last night – didn’t see the end, though. This was a weird game for me because I really didn’t care for either team. I don’t like Emily, but knowing that Randy Moss could get a ring was way too much for me to bear. I wasn’t a big Plaxico Burress fan when he was a Steeler, even though I never doubted his talent. However, he won me over this year by playing with that bad ankle (not like winning over some miserable bastard is something to put on the old resume). Even though there were players on both teams I didn’t like, there were some that I did. I never had anything bad to say about Junior Seau, and I always liked the way Michael Strahan presented himself to the media. Hopefully, he’s learned to stop messing around with those white girls.
Even though I didn’t make a prediction before the game, I thought the Patriots would win. I was guessing it would either be a blowout by New England or a low-scoring affair (Real genius there; what else would it have been – a Giants blowout?)
• Oh, and another big story during this Super Bowl time was my U.S. Senator crazy Arlen dredging up “spy-gate” right before the Big Game. (Can I still say that without being sued by the NFL?)
Look, for those that don’t live in the commonwealth, Arlen does this stuff all the time. For those who still remember (or care), when it was time to convict Bill Clinton back in ’98, Alren invoked some “Scottish law” thing and didn’t vote. Then, shortly after Bill’s meat was off the hook, Spector began talking about this other thing that Clinton should be impeached for doing and that the whole process should start back up again. That’s our Alren. (Do I even need to mention the single bullet theory?)
For the record, I voted for Arlen in the last election and in a primary against a much more conservative Pat Toomey. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
- So the Giants won the Super Bowl. Whatever. I didn't even turn the game on until halfway through the 3rd quarter, but I guess I saw the most important parts of the game. What a spectacular 4th quarter. If you'd offered me a $1,000 bet that ELI MANNING of all people would lead his team 83 yards in just over 2 minutes to win the Super Bowl, well, you'd have $1,000 of my money because I'd have taken that bet.
As for the result of the game, well, it sucks...and yet it doesn't. As a Cowboys fan, I fucking hate the Giants. Plus, I wanted to see the Patriots go 19-0 just because 19-0 is really fucking impressive and will probably never happen again in my lifetime, if ever. On the other hand, neither Randy Moss nor Junior Seau will be getting Super Bowl rings. So I'm torn.
Pitchers and catchers report in a couple of weeks. That's all that matters at this point.
- Tax cuts my ass. After doing a quick estimate of our income taxes this past year, it appears that getting married did nothing for me except reduce the amount of my refund by a little more than half. Of course, total income reported is more than double what it was last year, but still?
- sfaJill is pissed off. We turned in our wedding album to the photographer in September and still have not received the final copy of it despite it being promised to us "no later than January 10." She just called to say that she is on her way over there right now to (presumably) beat the hell out of someone. I told her I'll stop by the bank on my way home to pick up her bail money. She laughed.
- After FOUR MONTHS of discussion, my company's latest "reorganization" has finally been completed. I've been here just over six years and this is the SIXTH official "reorganization" during that time. It's mindboggling.
Anyway, this one has actually affected me because I am being pulled out of my little corporate accounting black hole and switched over to our projects group, which is a total change in job responsibilities--and exactly what I needed.
What's ironic is that the day this was announced was the very same day that I spent some of my time in the early morning browsing the job listings in the paper for the first time in three years.
- sfaJill and I signed up with 24 Hour Fitness over the weekend. I don't want to pay $50 a month for this, but since our gym here at work closed and we have no room in the house for workout equipment it is the best option (especially since I hate jogging and will do damn near anything to avoid it). Our first workout is tonight. Should be fun.
I've always wanted to see this show. So now, I will. I had people over, so I wasn't able to watch this until now. And I didn't watch Smackdown, nor do I have plans to.
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Throughout the show, much like during the first RAW that was on 24/7 a few weeks ago, there are multiple interviews about things pertaining to this show. I'd like it if they did that for all the important shows they post (SNME's, Clash's, PPV's, and other shows with special occurences). Wouldn't it be great if they had people on to talk about WrestleMania IX during intervals throughout the show? I'd love to know what people in the business thought about that pile of shit show. Anyway, Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone are on commentary, with Bob Caudle conducting the interviews.
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Our first match on the night is a Varsity Rules match. So, that gives away what faction one of the participants in this match represents. Anyhow, the rules are, you only need to get a one count, and there are 3 five minute periods, with 30 seconds of rest between each period. Like an amateur wrestling match. The match itself is between Jimmy Garvin w/Precious vs. Mike Rotunda w/Kevin Sullivan, for the TV Title. Rotunda talks about how the match went (now), and here we are...
Blow-by-blow: They lock-up, and break, before Rotunda takes Garvin to the canvas. Rotunda armdrags Garvin, but Garvin quickly returns the favor and gives Rotunda a hiptoss. Garvin slams Rotunda, and applies a wristlock. Rotunda pulls Garvin's hair, which forces Garvin to break the hold, and Rotunda runs away. Rotunda applies a headlock and gets shot into the ropes, where Garvin gives him a back elbow. Garvin applies a front facelock, but Rotunda makes the ropes. After that, Rotunda drops Garvin throat-first on the top rope. Rotunda clotheslines Garvin, and goes for a cover, but can't do it, as the first time period expires.
After the 30 second rest period, Rotunda slams Garvin, and goes up top. Garvin slams him off and backdrops him, so Kevin Sullivan gets on the ring apron. Precious holds onto Sullivan's leg, so Garvin clobbers him with a right to the temple. Unfortunately, he forgot about Rotunda, who rolls him up for the 1 count and the victory at 6:02. After, Garvin gives Rotunda a brainbuster, as Rick Steiner runs in. Precious hits Steiner with a 2x4, and chokes out Sullivan with a hanger. Where the hell did she get that?
Match Analysis: I love the concept. It's great. The match wasn't very long, though, so the rating isn't so hot. Just **. Typical JCP heatfest, not that I'm complaining about that. Good start to the show.
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Bob Caudle is with Dr. Death Steve Williams, who treats us to a turrible promo. Turrible. He wants a shot at Ric Flair.
Jim Ross talks about how good the Fantastics/Midnight Express rivalry was (now), in our segue to...
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The Fantastics vs. The Midnight Express w/Jim Cornette for the US Tag Team Titles. The Fantastics are Robert Fulton and Tommy Rogers, in case you didn't know.
Blow-by-blow: Honestly, they went nuts and brawled for the start of the match. I'm talking, ECW level brawl here. The Fantastics get the best, until Eaton grabs a chair and table, and hits both Fantastics with it. Fulton goes to work on Stan Lane in the corner, but the Express double team Rogers, gaining control. Eaton smashes his face in, and Lane tags in, delivering a savate kick to Rogers. Eaton punches away, and with the referee distracted, Cornette picks up a table and Eaton rams Rogers into it. Lane comes in and gives Rogers a legdrop and elbowdrop. Eaton comes in and powerslams Rogers before going to the top, where he gives Rogers an elbowdrop. Lane comes in and gives Rogers a gutwrench suplex; afterward, he picks Rogers nose for him. The Midnight Express give Rogers a Demolition Decapitation, and Eaton gives him a 10 punch in the corner. Rogers gives Eaton a sunset flip, but the ref is distracted and Lane switches in. Lane dumps Rogers out, and Eaton slams Rogers onto, but not through a table. Eaton BULLDOGS Rogers onto the table, so Fulton needs to come over and help him regroup. Eaton tags in, and gives Rogers a legdrop. Fulton tries to tag in, but the referee never saw it. So, Fulton tosses the official over the top, while Cornette comes into the ring. Cornette waffles Eaton with his tennis racket on accident, and Fulton comes off the top during a ROCKET LAUNCHER, winning the tag titles at 10:15. I saw this coming from a mile away, it's a DUSTY FINISH! Because Fulton put his hands on the referee, see. So, the Midnight Express keep their titles. Cornette goes to work on the Fantastics, and Lane whips Fulton with a belt. Haha.
Match Analysis: This match is overrated. I don't even know where to start. I suppose I'll start with Rogers not being in the match after the original brawl. That's dumb. Dusty Finishes are stupid too. More to mark off. And then the ridiculous overbooking. Do not like. ****, because it was HIGHLY entertaining, and there was really good wrestling. The brawling kept me from being really harsh. I'm probably out on Bledsoe Island with this star rating.
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Caudle talks about the barbed wire match later, and Ken Osmond, who plays a guy on the new Leave it to Beaver (that sure worked out well) shows up, and talks with Jim Cornette about going to Cornette's mama's house.
Afterward, Al Perez and Gary Hart are with Caudle, to talk about wanting to be a part of this setup right here. Perez wants to fight Dusty Rhodes, I suppose.
Last, we get a rundown of the top 10 seeds for Crockett Cup '88. Just search for Crockett Cup '88 if you want a match listing, all I wrote down was that Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson were the #1 seed.
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Dusty talks about the barbed wire match (now), which brings us to...
The Road Warriors and Dusty Rhodes w/Paul Ellering vs. The Powers of Pain and Ivan Koloff w/Paul Jones in a BARBED WIRE MATCH.
Blow-by-blow: The barbed wire doesn't look so rough, but I wouldn't dare say that it looks like it wouldn't hurt. It's impossible to follow the action, because the PoP and Road Warriors wear the exact same stuff. Animal's wearing a helmet to protect his eye, so I can see him. Still, it's a 6 person brawl that's restricted to a tiny ring. Dusty and Koloff bleed, Animal powerslams Warlord, and that's basically it, after the pin at 3:37. The heels got SQUASHED. After the match, the Powers of Pain pull Animal's helmet off and beat on his eye while Koloff whips Hawk with his chain, until Dusty saves them.
Match Analysis: The Dusty booking is in full force on this show. Short, sweet, and to the point. That's how I like Dusty matches. *3/4. It was a mess, but one you can enjoy.
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Nikita's with hair, and oh, Bob Caudle too, where he says that kids shouldn't do drugs. Glasnost and stuff, then he bashes Kevin Sullivan.
Barry Windham talks about the upcoming match (now)...again, I reiterate that there should be interviews and stuff like this on every important thing that WWE puts on their 24/7 channel.
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As I was saying, it's Barry Windham and Lex Luger vs. Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson w/JJ Dillon for the NWA Tag Titles. The Four Horsemen connection is so obvious that I really didn't even need to mention it.
Blow-by-blow: Ross calls the challengers the "twin towers." Hey, those were his words, not mine. Luger and Tully start the match, as Luger pushes Tully down to the canvas. Luger poses, until the champions double up on him. Luger clotheslines both, and powerslams Blanchard. It's time for the TORTURE RACK, but Arn kicks Luger in the knee to stop that. Arn tags in, and goes to work on Luger's knee. Elbows and kneedrops galore, until Tully tags back in. Tully does the same, until Luger makes a comeback. Tully takes him to the canvas and Arn tags in, trying for the figure-four. Can't get it, and in Windham comes. Windham gives Tully a LARIAT, and powerslams him for a 2 count. Windham applies a sleeper, and when Tully tries to reach the ropes, Windham rolls through the ropes and keeps the hold applied, outside of the ring. Arn tries to revive Tully when Windham breaks the hold, so when Tully comes in the ring, he applies a choke. Then Tully goes up top, where Windham slams him to the canvas. Windham applies an abdominal stretch, but Arn tags in. He tags Windham with a left hand, and gives him a DDT for 2. Arn gives Windham a spinebuster for two, but Windham knees him in the nuts. Tully tags in, and elbows Windham in the head for a 2 count. Windham gives Tully a crossbody for 2, and then they collide in the center of the ring. Tully takes Windham down so he can't make the tag, and Windham bridges out of a pin attempt, into a double underhook suplex. Arn tags in and grabs onto Windham's arm, but Windham reverses, although he's still unable to tag Luger. Arn misses a kneedrop, but Tully gets in before the tag, and gives Windham a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX, which gets a 2 count. It's tapered off from its hot start, but it's still a great match. Luger and Arn find their way into the ring, and Luger cleans house. Clotheslines for all, until Tully knees Luger in the back. Luger throws Arn into the buckle, and powerslams him, which ignites another brawl. JJ Dillon comes into the ring with a chair as Tully distracts the ref, but Dillon hits Arn with the chair on accident. Luger pins Arn at 9:33, and we have new tag champions! Their title reign didn't last very long, though.
Match Analysis: I liked it more than the earlier tag match. That's not to say it was a better match. It wasn't. I liked how well these two teams worked the formula, and the crowd as well. ***1/2. I could watch this one a few more times.
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Various people talk about competition with WrestleMania IV on that very same night (now), and somehow, that brings us to....
Sting vs. Ric Flair for the NWA Heavyweight Title. There are three judges for this match, Gary Juster, Sandy Scott, and Ken Osmond. The other two have something to do with the business, I think Juster was on the NWA Board of Directors. Anyhow, JJ Dillon must be locked in a cage for the duration of the bout. There's a 45 minute time limit, too.
Blow-by-blow: You can tell by the crowd reaction that Sting isn't that over. Yet. They lock-up, and both men break to do their little wooos. Flair puts Sting in an armwringer, but Sting reverses it. Sting puts Flair in a headlock, and takes him down to the canvas when Flair reverses it into a wristlock. Flair reaches the ropes, and chops away at Sting, who no-sells the blows. Sting hiptosses Flair, and sends him out of the ring with a dropkick. Flair comes back in, and applies a hammerlock, which gets reversed by Sting. Flair makes it to the ropes, but is given a gorilla press slam by Sting. Sting follows that up with a flying headscissor, and a hiptoss. He takes Flair to the canvas with a headlock that gets 2, and stays with the headlock. For a really long time. Sting's bleeding from one of Flair's chops, as we're still in the headlock after a shoulderblock. The build is far too slow. Flair goes for a 10 punch in the corner, but Sting prevents it and hiptosses him. 10 minutes have passed, and Flair tosses Sting out of the ring after a missed dropkick. Sting comes in really quick, and punches Flair 5 times at the corner, before taking him over with a headlock for 2. Flair makes it to the ropes, and gets gorilla pressed again. Sting applies a bearhug to Flair, which lasts about three minutes. You know, when typing this, my opinion of the match just lessens. It's sounds even more boring. We're 16:00 in, and nothing's really happened. This was where the match got good. Sting misses an elbowdrop, and misses a STINGER SPLASH, too. Flair gives Sting an inverted atomic drop, and tosses Sting out of the ring, where he rams him into the railing that surrounds the ring. Flair brings him in, and rams him into the turnbuckle twice, after chopping him. Flair kneedrops Sting twice, and rakes him on the back. Flair grabs a chair, but instead, he gutshots Sting and sends him back into the guardrail, on the outside. Flair chops away inside the ring, but Sting no-sells it, and knocks Flair over the top rope with a big right hand. Sting misses a charge at Flair, and accidentally clotheslines the ring post. Inside, Sting chokes Flair after reversing a wristlock, and gives Flair another hiptoss. He clotheslines Flair for 2, and when Flair tries to bail out, Sting suplexes him back in from the ring apron. Sting applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK, but Flair makes the ropes. Sting chokes Flair with his boot, but Flair is able to get up and chop him. Sting no-sells that, so Flair begs. Sting hiptosses Flair AGAIN, but he misses a charge at Flair and flies over the top rope. Sting comes back into the ring, so Flair chokes him. That does absolutely nothing, as Flair knocks Sting away, and goes to the top, hitting a crossbody for 2. Flair gives Sting a kneebreaker, and kicks him right in the leg, before giving him another kneebreaker. Flair gives Sting a back suplex, as 30 minutes have passed. Flair gives Sting the FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK, and grabs the ropes to cheat. A lot. Sting pulls Flair away from the ropes, and reverses the hold, causing Flair to break it. Flair tries to suplex Sting out of the ring, but Sting reverses and suplexes him back in. Sting goes for a splash, but he eats knees. Sting applies an abdominal stretch, but Flair finds a way to get him to break the hold. Flair goes to the top after an elbowdrop, and Sting slams him off the top, for a 2 count. Sting takes Flair over to the ringpost, and slides him into it, nuts first. Sting gives Flair a FIGURE-FOUR, but Flair reaches the ropes. Sting gives Flair ANOTHER hiptoss, and stomps away at Flair's knee. Flair pushes the official, so the official pushes back, knocking Flair down. Sting takes Flair to the buckle, and Flair does his flip over the turnbuckles, falling to the floor afterward. Sting rams Flair into a table, and the guardrail, and the ringpost as well. Sting knocks Flair over the guardrail, and pulls him back over, toward the ring. Flair sunset flips in, but Sting knocks him right in the mouth, and takes him to the corner. 40 minutes have passed. Sting gives Flair a 5 punch at the corner, and Flair tries an inverted atomic drop. He isn't able to, so Sting clotheslines him for 2. Sting misses a STINGER SPLASH, and flies over the top, with 3 minutes remaining. Flair chops Sting, and Sting returns the punishment with a shoulderblock. Flair applies a sleeper, so Sting charges at the turnbuckle and ducks, causing Flair's face to ram right into the turnbuckle. Flair dumps Sting out to rest, but Sting flies back in with a sunset flip attempt. Flair grabs the ropes and gets a 2 count, but when forced to let go of the ropes, Sting brings him over for a 2 count. Two minutes remain. Sting takes Flair to the turnbuckle, where he does the Flair Flip, and Flair comes off the top with a crossbody that gets reversed for a 2 count. Flair chops and kicks, but it does absolutely nothing. 1 minute remains. Sting gives Flair a 5 punch at the corner, and a STINGER SPLASH. Sting applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK, with 30 seconds remaining. Flair holds on...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Flair submits, but the bell has sounded. We go to the judges decision, and...they cannot decide on a winner. We have a DRAW, and Flair remains World Champion. That's the end of the show, too.
Match Analysis: The beginning of the match really was not very good, and neither was Sting's repetitive moveset. He must've hiptossed Flair 8 or 9 times, I didn't even mention all of them, I think. The last 30 minutes of the match were among the best I've ever seen in North American wrestling. I suppose I'll meet somewhere and call it ****1/4, because really, the end always has more importance than the beginning. It's still overrated in regards to what I've heard about it in the past, but this really was the match that established Sting. By the end of the match, those fans were going insane for him.
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Rating: Excellent. If you have any questions about what I said in regards to Sting/Flair, just ask. The entire card was fantastic. I'd be hard pressed to find many other wrestling events that I could sit down and watch at random. Watch it.
Best Segment: Flair/Sting. That said, I loved the NWA Tag Title Match.
Worst Segment: Dr. Death's terrible promo. It was horrendous.
Everyone got great crowd reactions. This show was a perfect example of how you book guys to get over and look strong. Not to say that Dusty Finishes are any good, mind you.
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My next thing will have RAW, a few matches from the Ladder Match DVD (the ones that were on RAW), and WWECW.
Something I decided to do for fun; I DL'ed the rom for NBA Live '99 to get the Bulls' players ratings (and had to create Rodman, Harper, and Kerr from scratch). Since the general consensus is most likely that the Bulls teams are better, I gave them homecourt advantage, best of 7 series.
Game 1
The Bulls got off to a hot start, making their first six shots, and shooting 52% for the quarter. The Spurs dominated the glass behind the Twin Towers, but the Bulls' defense clamped down at the end of the quarter. Bill Wennington had a big three-point play, and Kukoc closed out the quarter with a triple at the buzzer. Bulls 34, Spurs 22 at the end of 1.
In the second quarter, the Bulls continued to pile on, scoring 16 consecutive points dating back to the first quarter, a run finally ended by a Mario Elie basket two minutes in, after the Spurs had gone scoreless for five minutes. The Bulls led by as many as 18 in the quarter, but Tim Duncan took over midway through, finishing the half with 22 points and 8 boards, and the Spurs roared back, closing all the way to within two points. Bulls 55, Spurs 53 at the half.
In the third, the Spurs threatened several times, but couldn't pull ahead, as the game turned into a mano-a-mano duel between Michael Jordan and Tim Duncan. The deficit remained at the end of the quarter. Bulls 76, Spurs 74 at the end of three.
In the fourth, the Bulls took an early advantage with Jordan, Pippen and Duncan all on the bench, but it took their toll, as the Spurs ran off 14 consecutive points to take an 11-point lead, their first lead since the score was 4-2. David Robinson keyed the run, scoring 8 of the 14 points and dominating Wennington on the glass. In the midst of this, we got MIRROR STEVE KERRS with just over 7 minutes to go, as Kerr was the only player on both teams, and the only non-Celtic to appear on four straight championship teams. Chicago Steve Kerr found Dennis Rodman inside, but Rodman couldn't handle the pass, and turned the ball over, making it a 9-point Spurs lead with 4 minutes to go, as the first unit finally made their way back in. However, Robinson once again scored on Longley, and an errant Rodman pass led to another basket for Duncan and pushed the lead to 13, their biggest of the game. Chicago Kerr found Pippen for three, then Rodman stole the ball and put back a missed three by Chicago Kerr. Longley came up with big blocks on Duncan and Robinson, leading to a Kukoc basket which cut the lead to six. However, Duncan came right back with a three-point play, forcing a Chicago timeout and effectively ending the game, as Kukoc missed two good looks on threes with 31 seconds to go, and the Spurs salted it away at the line.
FINAL SCORE: Spurs 103, Bulls 91
Spurs lead series 1-0
Duncan (SA) 14-25, 34 points, 12 reb, 6 blk
Jordan (CHI) 12-23, 27 points, 10 reb, 2 ast
SA: Robinson 24, Elliott 12, Jackson 10, Johnson 6, Elie 6, Rose 5, Kersey 4, Perdue 2, Kerr 0, Daniels 0, King DNP
CHI: Pippen 23, Kukoc 13, Longley 8, Wennington 7, Brown 4, Rodman 3, Buechler 2, Kerr 2, Harper 2, Simpkins/Burrell DNP
I'll try to do Game 2 tommorrow.
I've made it no secret I'm a junkie for original televised footage of classic sporting events. Back in the day when ESPN Classic actually showed classic games I would love watching classic games from the 70's and 80's. I was thrilled when two years ago MLB started releasing complete World Series boxsets of the 1975, 1979, and 1986 World Series which I promptly bought all three and did write ups of all three sets on the blog. Last year two more World Series sets were released, 1977 and 1987 but I have yet to start watching either. Considering how bad the A's will be this season I might finally crack those sets open when looking for alternative things to watch during the baseball season. Both the NBA and NHL have followed suit although I'm not as interested in those sets as I am for baseball and football, but I would pick up the 1987 NBA Finals set if they ever release it as I have fond memories of it as a bandwagon Laker fan when I was younger. There has even been a set of "classic" Notre Dame games released which I did a write up the Cathlolics vs. Convicts game but haven't gotten around to viewing any of other the games.
The NFL had been a long time holdout when it comes to airing any classic games, even on their own channel, but last year around the Super Bowl they finally started re-airing original Super Bowl broadcasts which continued this year. Also this past Fall they released a handful of DVD sets and individual DVDs with "classic" games. Their choices so far have been a bit odd. They released three sets of every playoff game from the 1999 Rams, 2000 Ravens, and 2002 Bucs seasons. The '99 Rams set would be kinda interesting as that year's Super Bowl had probably the best finish ever in a Super Bowl but I really have no interest in anything from the last ten years and there's nothing "classic" on either '00 Ravens or '02 Bucs set. They also released the 1980 NFC Championship game between the Eagles and Cowboys. Now that'd be a must have for an Eagles fan but the game was not particularly competitive and why release that game instead of the 1981 NFC Championship featuring "The Catch"? In addition there is a three game set of "classic" Cleveland Browns games (yes I know, what classic Browns games?) but the three games they picked left a lot to be desired. One of the games is a regular season blowout from 1989 against the Steelers and another is a playoff clinching win against the Falcons from 2002. If they swapped out either of those games for their double overtime win in the '86 playoffs against the Jets I would have bought it.
Now there were two others that I did decide to pick up, the 1992 AFC Wild Card Game featuring the Bills record comeback against the Oilers and they released an 11 game set of the 1985 Chicago Bears season. I actually haven't received the Bears set yet as I got in on backorder from DeepDiscountDVD.com when it was on sale for only $44 a month ago but should be receiving it any day now. Now there are not any real "classics" on that Bears set but the '85 Bears always held a special place in my childhood because the Bears were the first "it" team for me that you just had to watch and as I've mentioned before my earliest sports memory is watching Super Bowl XX. On the set there is their MNF loss to the Dolphins that ended their undefeated season, which is actually kind of surprising as these sets are of course marketed to the fans of the teams but having that game on the set made it an automatic purchase for me as I don't know if I ever watched the original live game.
So here's my complete list of of sports DVDs, that have original games on them:
1975 World Series
1977 World Series
1979 World Series
1986 World Series
1987 World Series
Notre Dame Collector's Edition (7 Games)
1992 AFC Wild Card Bills vs. Oilers
1985 Chicago Bears (11 Games)
In April MLB will be releasing the 2001 World Series boxset but again I'm not particularly interested in anything from the last decade, especially something that was televised by FOX, so I'm not sure if I'm going to pick that one up even if it was a true classic. Before then in early March there will be another World Series boxset released and, well....there's no fucking way I'm going to buy it.
4:30 p.m.
• So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.
9 p.m.
• So earlier this week it was Max’s turn to go to the vet. It’s always amusing because once the three of them figure out someone is going into the carrier it’s every feline for itself. And once they get into that carrier the unlucky kitty starts crying like there’s no tomorrow. In the house. In the car. In the vet’s waiting room. It’s rather pathetic. Then when we go to the vet’s one medical rooms and take the cat out, he or she freezes up. After some shots were given and the carrier’s door opened back up, Max ran right in without a moment’s pause. Then on the way home it’s silent because he knows he’s going back home. I think one of these times just to fuck with them I’m going to take them home, not open the carrier door and then go back out to the car. Christ I’m horrible.
Oh, and Max was fine and even lost half a pound.
• Yesterday I was flipping channels and came across it. The movie that inspired one of my all-time favorite South Park Moments.
“They Live.” Holy God was that an awesomely bad film.
I didn't watch ECW, and after reading the results, I'm not going to track it down. While I understand that Shelton Benjamin wouldn't have gone over Kane after getting the better of him, why book that match in the first place then? A countout just leaves everyone looking stupid.
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First, we have Nitro from Nashville, Tennessee, which took place on 5/26/97.
Here comes the NWO at the beginning of the show...but really, just Hollywood Hogan and Eric Bischoff. I had a feeling at this point that these assholes in the front row with their signs would obstruct my view for the whole show, but they didn't. Hogan talks about hangin' with Nasty Nick and Brooke in the Bahamas (yes, I laughed), and how Sting's gonna be snapped in half tonight, brah. He wants Sting out now, of course, Sting does not comply. This feels like a huge show.
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Our first match on the night fits with the huge show thing, given that this is Juventud Guerrera, Super Calo and Hector Garza vs. LA PARKA, Ciclope and Damien.
- It was heatless, until Calo practically flew over his opponent when diving out of the ring onto him, landing in the crowd. Back leg front kicks are abound in this match...why does Tony call them that?
- Garza corkscrew plancha's onto everyone, then powerbombs Ciclope in the ring, and pins him after a standing moonsault for the three count at 6:26. **3/4. Very fun, very good.
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We went to a commercial, and came back right as Alex Wright vs. Psychosis was starting.
- Alex Wright, hell yes! I thought the Nick Patrick reinstatement angle would rear its ugly head in this, but I was wrong. That's good.
- We get...the DANCE!!!! Wright does it a whole bunch, but Psychosis kicks his ass. Psychosis pins Wright after a guillotine legdrop from the top, for 3 at 4:07. *3/4, cause Psychosis kinda blew a plancha, and barely touched Wright with it.
Mean Gene is with Sonny Onoo, who says that Masa Chono is gonna get some tonight. Onoo makes some sort of deal with Psychosis, and there's Madusa. Kinda saw that coming. She wants a shot at Akira Hokuto, and says she'll do anything. Onoo excepts, and if Madusa loses at the Great American Bash, she has to retire. Nobody cared.
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The next match is Mark Starr vs. Wrath w/Mortis and James Vandenberg.
- This'll be very short, as the announcers put over Wrath's karate background. I really don't know what to say about that. Mortis is on guard duty to keep Glacier away, and when Starr is tossed out of the ring, Mortis goes to work on him. Wrath squashes Starr, and finishes things up with the DEATH PENALTY at 2:34. *1/2. While this Mortis/Wrath/Glacier/Ernest Miller stuff is really stupid, I like it.
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Back from the break, with Villano IV vs. Konnan.
- Apparently, Konnan turned on Hugh Morrus at Slamboree. Good.
- This isn't a squash, thankfully. Morrus tries to attack Konnan, but Doug Dillinger and his great security team prevent him from getting to the ring. Meanwhile, Konnan puts Villano IV in the TEQUILA SUNRISE, which gets the submission victory at 3:10. *1/4. Mean Gene comes in to ask a few questions to Konnan, who says he's for la raza. Forget Kevin Sullivan and Morrus.
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Here's Onoo, and his surprise for tonight's match against Chono is...THE GREAT MUTA.
- Thought so. Chono's NWO, see. We get 2:12 of nothing, and during a headlock, Muta releases the hold and RED MISTS Onoo in the face, at 3:03. So, Muta's NWO 4 LIFE. Can't really rate that.
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It's HOUR #2, and Bobby Heenan's wearing a pajama shirt while on commentary. We have a paid announcement by the NWO, with MACHO MADNESS, YEAHHHH! He's talking about the Great American Bash.
DDP and Kimberly make their way to Mean Gene, as I suddenly notice that there's been a red carpet laid down the aisle. Is this just for them, or has it been there? I'll have to check. It's only a typical DDP promo, but Savage doesn't come down and interfere this time.
Ok, the Red Carpet wasn't there all along, but someone got lazy and left it there for the rest of the show. Typical WCW.
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The first match of Hour #2 is the Barbarian w/Jimmy Hart vs. Jim Powers w/Teddy Long.
- So, I see that Powers stayed roided up after the 80's were long gone. I had absolutely no interest in this, and neither did the crowd. I suppose it's good that a big boot by the Barbarian ended things for Powers at 3:18. DUD.
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Our next match is a three-on-one handicap match, with Johnny Swinger, Jerry Flynn and Rick Fuller taking on the Giant w/Lex Luger.
- The Incredible Hulk Giant doesn't have any music. Ok. I thought these would be three local jobbers, but they aren't, at all. Their triple team does nothing to the Giant, so he CHOKESLAMS all of them and pins Swinger and Flynn at 2:16. *. Cool squash.
Mean Gene comes out, to talk with Luger and the Giant. See, Hogan and Dennis Rodman have this open contract for a tag match at Bash at the Beach '97. Luger and the Giant want to sign that contract.
On the Road with Lee Marshall in Dayton, Ohio is a sure FF...
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Here comes...SYXX. He's talking about Flair, and we see video of what happened last week. A town killer for sure, given that it happened in North Carolina. Here come the Outsiders, but no hey, yo treatment here. They want to give Piper and Flair a chance at their tag team titles. They'll retire Flair, this is NWO TERRITORY, NWO 4 LIFE, 2 SWEEEEET and all that.
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Our main event is Jeff Jarrett and Mongo w/Debra vs. Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri.
- A few weeks ago, this match was supposed to happen, but it was Jarrett for pretty much the duration. And it sucked. Let me tell you, this is just as exciting.
- WCW is coming to LA and Detroit. Yay! Mongo runs over to Greene at way too late a point in the match for this to still be going, and they brawl to the back. Booker comes in, and gives Jarrett a HARLEM SIDEKICK, getting Harlem Heat the win at 10:13. 1/2*. Really, really bad, with no commercials to spare me from the action.
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It's the same two as earlier, Hogan and Bischoff. The NWO Belt is on the line, if only Sting would come out here. They can't find Sting, because...HE'S UNDER THE RING.
IT'S STING!
Oh, wait a sec. Hogan asks Sting to get on his knees, and Sting does.
IT'S FAKE STING!
Fake Sting is on his knees, worshipping the ground that Hogan spits on. Figures. He says he wishes he could be Hollywood and...
IT'S STING!
From out of the rafters he comes, and gives Bischoff a SCORPION DEATHDROP! Hogan sees him, and he's scared shitless. He falls over Fake Sting, and runs back to the entrance. Sting beats on the fake with a bat, and here comes the cavalry, meaning the entire NWO. Sting reattaches his hook, and rides back toward the ceiling, so that the NWO can't get to him, ending the show.
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Nitro was a pile of poop, for the most part. Poor show, outside of the opening and end. Best segment was obviously the ending, and the worst was Barbarian vs. Powers. At least the Mongo stuff had some sort of angle going on, and the Jarrett/Mongo tension.
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RAW, from the same night, in Evansville, Indiana is next.
Unfortunately, Vince McMahon is on commentary. Boo. Here comes STONE COLD STONE COLD STONE COLD and Shawn Michaels to talk with Jim Ross. Austin says he's the captain of this team, and LOD come to the ring. They want a title shot on RAW next week if the first mentioned team win their match against Owen Hart and the British Bulldog tonight. The challengers say sure, and then, Austin and HBK argue even more.
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Our first match, is Brian Pillman and Jim Neidhart w/the rest of the Hart Foundation vs. LOD.
- The Hart Foundation stays at the top of the stage, like they always do.
- Seeing as Pillman's a loose cannon, he gets beat up the whole time. That makes sense. LOD's going to give Pillman the DOOMSDAY DEVICE, so the Hart Foundation runs in and prevents that from taking place at 4:26, getting Pillman and Neidhart DQ'd. *1/4. HBK and Austin go to help LOD, but Shawn accidentally baseball slides into Austin, while the Harts bail out. So, HBK and Austin brawl. Good post match, as I expected.
Paul Bearer's backstage, and Taker better do as he says!
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D'Lo Brown is making his RAW wrestling debut against Bob Holly now, as the Nation goes back to, well, the back.
- Faarooq stays around, for commentary. The match is essentially Holly getting squashed, which is to say it's nothing special at all. D'Lo powerbombs Holly, and pins him at 3:10. *1/2.
Taker's in the back, talking about how tough it is to make the decision he'll have to make later.
Then Jerry Lawler cuts a promo on Goldust, in which he calls him a flaming fag for his usual in-ring antics. That was great.
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So, yeah, Jerry Lawler is facing Goldust w/Marlena in a King of the Ring First Round match.
- Lawler gets a gigantic pop, obviously because Evansville was a regular Memphis stop. His piledriver didn't finish the match, so that sucked. Still, the Lawler chant is great.
- Marlena slapping Lawler was funny, as was him pinning Goldust with his feet on the ropes at 5:10 to win a very good match. **1/4. Goldust attacks Lawler after the match, and gets decent heel heat.
Steve Austin's in the lockerroom, where the Hart Foundation jumps him. Ha. We go to a commercial, and the same happened to HBK, as Austin goes into his lockerroom to find out why Shawn didn't have his back.
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Flash Funk vs. Rocky Maivia is our next match.
- So, a face vs. face match. Sure thing that a heel runs in.
- And here we are, the Headbangers have come ringside for a party. They're not really heels, but they'll interfere. They do, when both men go outside the ring. What the fuck? Mosh hits Flash Funk with a boombox, and tosses him back in, where Rocky gives him a crossbody off the top for a 3 count at 3:35. *3/4. Funk and Rocky shake hands after the match, to show that there aren't any hard feelings. What's up with that Headbanger nonsense?
Bret Hart's on the TitanTron, and says he'll definitely be able to beat Shawn Michaels in 10 minutes. Pillman's supposed to face Austin at the King of the Ring too, but obviously, things changed. And you'll find out how, later.
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Welcome to the Warzone, where guys like Ahmed Johnson and Vader do battle.
- Ken Shamrock's on commentary during this match. You know, his entrance music changes every week, at this point. Ahmed isn't getting crowd reactions like earlier in the year, so this isn't what it would've been in, say, February.
- There's a UFC ad in here, which ties into the match because Vader and Ahmed are doing this gay ass faux MMA striking shit. It looks like two retards are fighting each other. Ahmed gives Vader a spinebuster, which gains the pinfall for him at 3:05. Kinda outta nowhere. 3/4*.
Paul Bearer is going to come out at the end of the show, so Taker better decide quickly!
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HHH w/Chyna is facing Rockabilly w/Honky Tonk Man now....
- It's weird to see a face v. face and a heel v. heel match on the same show. Given the participants in this match, there's an obvious connection here. Funny how things work out. Honky was going to hit HHH in the head with his guitar, but Chyna prevents that and bodyslams Honky, and HHH gives Rockabilly the PEDIGREE for the pinfall at 3:17. *1/4.
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Mankind interview part #2...features a lot of great footage, but you just have to find it. I can't really cover everything he says. Loved it, though.
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Up next is what we've all been waiting for, Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin vs. Owen Hart & the British Bulldog for the WWF Tag Team Championships.
Blow-by-blow: This was of importance, see. The video's messed up a little, for some reason, but the audio isn't. And Vince says that Austin's going to open a can of whoop-ass. Shawn pescado's his way onto Bulldog during the champions ring entrance, which is when I started timing. The bell rings a bit after, when they get in the ring. Austin knees and elbowdrops Owen three times, before going for the SHARPSHOOTER. Bulldog keeps that from happening, and Austin goes to the 2nd, giving Owen another elbowdrop, which gets a 2 count. Shawn tags in, and goes up top, giving Owen an axhandle on the way down. He goes to punch Bulldog and grabs onto Owen's arm, but Owen reverses the hold and gouges Shawn in the eye. Bulldog tags in and shoulderblocks Shawn, but Shawn pokes him in the eye when he tries again, and gives Bulldog a hurricanrana. He beats on the champions, and gives Bulldog an enziguri for 2. Austin tags in, and kicks Bulldog right in the nuts as the ref is distracted. Austin tags Shawn in after choking Bulldog, but he tags right back in after about 2 seconds. Austin armwrings Bulldog, but Owen comes in to stop that, and after a Bulldog clothesline, Owen gets tagged in. He dumps Austin to the outside, and drops him throat-first along the guardrail. The rest of the Hart Foundation, save Bret, comes closer to the ring, and we go to a
COMMERCIAL BREAK.
Owen has Austin in a chinlock when we come back, which will end all ***** talk if there's another. Austin powers out and gives Owen a shoulderblock, but when he tries to do it again, Owen puts him in a sleeper. Austin gives him a jawbreaker, and here comes Shawn and Bulldog. Shawn gives Bulldog the flying forearm and kips up, before giving Bulldog a dropkick. Shawn runs the ropes again, but Bulldog has him up in gorilla press position, where he THROWS Shawn nut first into the top rope. Holy fuck, I bet that hurt. Owen slams Shawn into the post, and brings him back in afterward, where Bulldog pokes him in the eye. Bulldog slingshots Shawn into a turnbuckle for 2, and whips him into another turnbuckle where Shawn goes upside down. Bulldog then picks Shawn up, and gives him a running powerslam for 2, as Austin breaks the cover. Owen switches in, adn gives Shawn a gutwrench suplex and legdrop for 2. Owen goes to a chinlock, and *****'s are gone. Shawn powers out and gives Owen a shoulderblock, but when he tries it again he's given a belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Shawn gives Owen a sunset flip, but the referee is distracted, so it only gets a 2 count. Bulldog comes in with a clothesline, and a legdrop for a 2 count, prior to applying a front facelock. Owen comes in during a fake tag in which Austin distracts the official, and places Shawn on the top rope. Shawn knocks Owen off, and gives him a crossbody, which only gets a 2 count. When Owen gets up, he quickly gives Shawn a spinning heel kick, but misses a charge at Shawn, which gives him the opportunity to tag Austin. When Austin gets in, he cleans house. HOUSE. He tries to give Bulldog a STUNNER after the beatdowns, but Owen prevents that from happening. Shawn hops in and gives Bulldog SWEET CHIN MUSIC, which allows Austin to cover Bulldog at 10:28, for the Tag Titles. New champions! The Harts run into the ring and jump Shawn, but Bret's still at the top of the stage. Austin pretty much says, "forget Shawn, cause he didn't help me earlier," so he goes and attacks Bret's knee. He pounds on it, until the cavalry arrives to help Bret, not even thinking about following Austin to the back. So, now you know how they got out of Bret vs. Shawn at King of the Ring.
Match Analysis: That was one of the most action packed matches I've ever seen. The action was so fast that my hand started hurting, and that hasn't happened to me yet since I've been writing. Anyway, ****1/2. 1/4 off for the two chinlocks, and 1/4 off for the finish that came a little too quick after the hot tag for my taste. Still, you must watch this match. Great booking, great pace, great wrestling. Great everything.
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After, Austin tells the video camera that he did this all by himself, and when HBK comes in, they argue. Winning titles didn't change a thing.
Paul Bearer's finally in the ring, with Vince McMahon. Taker's time is up, so he's talking. He tells the crowd that when Taker's parents died, there were three graves. And that's enough to bring Taker to the ring, in a hurry. Taker hates Bearer, and says that Bearer won't be able to talk once he's done with him. But that said, he has to kneel before Bearer and do exactly what Bearer wants. End show. Hmm...
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This was one of the best RAW's I've ever seen. Excellent is the rating you receive. Best segment was that amazing tag team match, and the worst was Ahmed/Vader. I hated it.
RAW was, needless to say, way better. My Clash I review will be up on Friday or Saturday, depends on how much typing time I have tonight and early tomorrow.
7:30 p.m.
• So yesterday I took the first step in becoming a lazy slug at my new job. I installed my AIM account. It’s only a matter of time before I start downloading porn. Actually, that’s one thing I haven’t done at work.
• Great, now who am I going to vote for when Pennsylvania’s primary comes around to these here parts?
Seriously, nobody is doing it for me. When W. ran in ’00 I had no problem throwing my support behind him. Dole was the only GOP candidate back in ’96, so it’s not like there was any drama back then. If I was 18 in ’92 I would have went Perot (had I been in my mid-20s, I probably would have stayed with H.), so there would be no pondering my choices there, either. Actually, this reminds me of a funny story. In ’92 my high school had this mock election and we had the poli-sci class debate in front of the students on what candidate to vote for. The people supporting H. ended their spiel with the most unenthusiastic, “and he won the Gulf War” line I ever heard (granted I haven’t heard that line used much, if any, since then), which was received by laughter. In the end, though, Perot got the majority of votes, which surprised the principal/teacher who announced the winner at the end of the day. Anyway, my one friend at the time was happy that Clinton won; I was indifferent. Then a week or two later he started bitching because Clinton reneged on that middle class tax cut. I’m not sure what my friend was so pissed about – he worked at a fast-food place part-time. It’s not like he was getting more take home pay. Then again, now that I look back at it all, I’m sure he’s a Democrat. In fact, I actually got on of those quickie subscriptions to Classmates a few years ago just so I could find out what some of my classmates put as their political preference. It was interesting, to say the least.
8:30 p.m.
• So I went back to my old stomping ground today to give my co-worker my old microwave. When I was at my old workplace I had a microwave and mini-fridge that kept me from going upstairs. Woo-hoo. Well, when I was leaving, I wasn’t sure if I’d need these gizmos at my new place of employment. Turns out I don’t. And even though I can still find use for my mini-fridge, there’s really no place/use for the microwave, which is why I was more than happy to return this kitchen appliance to my brother from another mother. Anyway, I stopped by in the early morning hours and discovered that my genius ex-bosses were about to have ANOTHER mass envelope stuffing in the next few weeks. Oh think Christ I’m out.
• A while back here I made some crack about Democrats wanting to help out the “middle class” by giving out more food stamps. Well on the drive home the better half began bitching about our junior senator Junior saying the Democrat talking points. Oy vey.
• Yesterday I was watching a few minutes of this hippie documentary about “Who killed the electric car?” I don’t know what it was about – something regarding auto makers taking perfectly good electric cars and scrapping them. Well, the “activists” in this production were shown chasing around trucks carrying these electric cars to the scrap heap. Wow was this hilarious. Now here’s what I wonder: These hippies were angry that GM and Ford and Toyota were terminating the lives of these transportation vehicles before they had a chance to be productive. Wonder if these libs have the same opinion of the unborn getting taking to the “junkyard”? I’m sure they do.
• Hey, remember when Hurricane Katrina hit and the enviro-weenies were telling us that thanks to SUVs and W. that we would get BIGGER and BADDER hurricanes? Uhhhhhhhhhhh.
• So I got Boortz on and this woman is bitching about how she doesn’t like the term “unmarried” and that she would rather be called “single” because “unmarried” implies something wrong like “unhealthy” and “unhappy.” Uh, un-something means “not” and not “bad.” UnAmerican is not American. Anti-American is different. Get over yourself bitch.
• Now this is odd. A straight male figure skater?
The column got pushed back a day because I ordered the Rumble. No biggie, right?
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I'm going to copy my notes for Smackdown, seeing as the Rumble changed a ton of things. This is from Charlottesville, VA, just like ECW was.
Rey Mysterio faced the Edgeheads in a handicap match...
- Rey's new entrance setup rocks it. This is one of those "I tag you" handicap matches, which I really don't care for.
- Curt Hawkins comes in at 6:13 and hits Rey with a chair, giving Rey the win via DQ. Rey dropkicks the chair into his face, and forces the heels to scatter. *3/4. Not half bad.
Some dude named Jesse is talking about how some dude named Festus is being fixed. Needless to say, I've never seen those two in my life.
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Next up is a match between Jimmy Wang Yang w/Shannon Moore vs. Domino w/Deuce and Cherry.
- Yang's gimmick is really starting to wear on me. I hate his stupid music, and I hate his stupid dance.
- Yang pins Domino with a moonsault block at 5:24. I don't really like the way he does the move, either. *1/4.
Backstage, Jamie Noble and Chuck Palumbo argue for a bit, until Michelle McCool comes into the picture. Then they stop, because they're in a match...NEXT.
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So yeah, Chuck Palumbo, Jamie Noble, and Michelle McCool are facing John Morrison, the Miz, and Layla.
- We'll talk about the angle at the end of the match. At around 1:40, Palumbo and Noble argued with each other, and Palumbo pushed Noble into McCool, who was on the ring apron. Then Palumbo assaulted Noble, and pushed McCool onto the ground when she tried to stop him. Hey, Palumbo got booed, so it worked.
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MVP comes to the ring, because he has something to share with us. That something is a bunch of photoshopped pictures, mostly making fun of Flair. I thought the shuffleboard one was funny, as was the one where Flair was wearing the Jack Nicklaus Golden Bear hat. So, Ric Flair comes out, and says he'll beat MVP at the Rumble (which he did).
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Our next match is a Belfast Brawl, obviously Finlay w/Hornswoggle facing the Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh. The rules were never explained.
- Khali tried to put Hornswoggle through the annonce table, so Finlay grabs the shillelagh and beats Khali to a bloody pulp. The match just stops at 4:50. Lame. *. Khali's been booked to look super weak lately.
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Vince McMahon is with Finlay, but he only wants to talk to his son.
Batista comes to the ring, and talks. He's putting everyone on notice for the Rumble.
Backstage, Noble encountered Michelle McCool as she was being stretchered out of the building, and he tells her that he'll get Palumbo. Ok.
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Now we have our semi-main event, featuring the Undertaker, who's taking on Big Daddy V w/Matt Striker.
- This is going to be bad, if their matches in the past are any indication. By that, I'm talking nearly 10 years ago. It's actually scary how small V makes Taker look.
- Taker slaps on a gogoplata at 6:12, causing V to tap out. The finish looked so contrived, you just have to see it. Plus, V bit the blood capsule. 3/4*. Mark Henry comes to the ring, screaming at Taker that he "went too far." The fuck is that supposed to mean?
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The last match is CM Punk vs. Edge w/the Edgeheads in a non-title bout.
- Rey Mysterio is on commentary. Why they're doing this now, I have no idea. But I'm not booking this show. That said, Punk losing now is better than him challenging and losing later.
- Punk botched his springboard clothesline pretty bad. Up to that point, the match was going really well. Punk avoids an Edge charge to the corner, but Edge comes right back out with the SPEAR to finish at 7:50 (shown). **. Rey runs in to be by Punk's side after the match, and that's the show.
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Looking back, given the MSG crowd on Sunday, Rey should never have been in the title match. That's hindsight, for ya. Show was poor, best segment was Palumbo beating down Noble, and the worst was Finlay/Khali. I enjoyed that one the least. Smackdown is easily the most boring of the three shows, IMO. That's not to say it's the worst, because it isn't.
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The MSG show was good, but I didn't finish it. I liked Bret Hart's debut more than anything else.
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The typical crowd here in Philly boos John Cena. This, of course, is RAW. Cena talks about his injury, and how life wasn't the same. Well, duh. He wants to face Orton ASAP, meaning tonight. Orton comes out and says no, he'll only fight Cena if people are paying for it. That means they'll have a match at No Way Out. Cena still says that he'll find a way to get Orton tonight.
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Our first match was Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix.
- Lillian Garcia messed up Beth's entrance pretty bad. Anyway, Mickie is the only thing good about this match. Of course, Beth pins her with the fisherman buster at 2:52. 3/4*. Ashley just stood on the apron watching, seeing as Hall was way late in coming over to grab her leg. So, it looked really bad.
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Vince McMahon is with William Regal, who has an idea for No Way Out. Vince wants him to share it with the public, after the commercial.
A video after the commercial tells me that the Steve Austin DVD is coming out soon...
And then, Regal comes to the stage, blubbering through his announcement. It's for the Elimination Chamber, where the winner goes on to face the winner of Cena/Orton at WrestleMania. We watch a video of past Elimination Chambers, but none of the footage is from the ECW version. Our participants in this are...UMANGA, HBK, Chris Jericho, JBL, Jeff Hardy, and Triple Haitch.
Mike Adamle talks about our later matches, which are Snitsky and UMAGA vs. HHH and a partner of his choice, and JBL/Orton vs. Jericho/Jeff Hardy. Much better this time, as opposed to the Rumble when he Regal'd his way through the entire night.
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The second match on the night is Cody Rhodes w/Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito w/Santino Marella and Maria.
- At the Rumble, Carlito spit on Rhodes' face. So, we have this.
- Cody's punches look really stiff. That said, he punches away a bit too often, so when Santino distracts him, it's easy for Carlito to give him the BACKSTABBER, for the pinfall at 3:05. *.
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HHH is with Shawn Michaels in the lockerroom, and we know that at No Way Out, both guys will need to do what it takes to get that title shot. But right now, HHH needs a partner for his match. So...Shawn accepts, then jumps out of the picture, and comes back in with new, DX merchandise on. I like this whole thing with Shawn and his merchandise.
UFC promo for Mir vs. Lesnar. Really looking forward to watching Brock eat fists there.
Last in this run of segments, is some filming for Candice Michelle's Godaddy.com Super Bowl commercial.
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Like, I said, it's a DX night, as they'll face UMAGA and Snitsky.
- I think I'm one of the few smarks that get enjoyment out of the DX thing. I love nostalgia. HHH talks about Buffer's gimmick infringement at the Rumble. I let out a small laugh for that.
- And with their whole entrance thing, I almost forgot there's a match. HHH grabs a mic and asks if anyone has a toothbrush. You know, cause Snitsky's in the ring. The "BRUSH YOUR TEETH" chant gets going, and I laugh. Every arena should chant that during Snitsky's matches. I think it's funny how I said last week that these were the only two guys left to squash that white kid on ECW, and now they're tagging up with each other.
- HBK is your face in peril, but thankfully, there's a commercial. Snitsky's shitty bearhug generally ruins matches, and this is no exception. HHH tags in, Umaga receives SWEET CHIN MUSIC from Shawn, and HHH gives Snitsky the PEDIGREE for the pinfall, at 12:13. Who knows why the match was of that length, *3/4.
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Randy Orton's in the back with JBL, and Orton wants to know that JBL will have his back if Cena shows up. JBL says, sure.
Todd Grisham's with Jeff Hardy, who says nothing of note.
And Vince is with Hornswoggle now. Vince is disappointed, damnit. Get the hell out of this room right now.
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The next match is Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick. Hey, at least we're getting a bunch of matches tonight.
- Kendrick ran right into the ring and slapped Kennedy. That was funny. Unfortunately, he gets squashed and finished off with the MIC CHECK, for 3 at 1:59. Now, the mike comes down. Kennedy didn't want in the Elimination Chamber, he wanted to retire Ric Flair. I like this idea. He's not going to be the guy to retire Flair, but he's well perceived enough by the fans so that Flair can go over him and continue to get stronger, prior to his retirement. Flair comes out, and has two things to say.
First, good luck.
Second, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, they'll have a match at No Way Out.
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We go right into another match, this being Melina vs. Maria w/Santino Marella.
- Santino dissin' Melina on the way to the ring is hilarious. That said, he wouldn't be nearly as funny (or not funny at all) if he didn't have the accent.
- This match was horrid. Melina went to roll-up Maria, but pulled her pants down, revealing Maria's underwear. So, Maria got the pin at 2:something. I lost the time. Santino runs into the ring and covers Maria up, and says, "damn you Japanese for your high definition technology." Then he says that JR had erected a monument in his trousers. But a small monument, see. Funny stuff. DUD.
Todd Grisham is with Y2J in the back, and what happened at the Rumble (he hung JBL) is the new him...and he likes that.
Mike Adamle then previews No Way Out, prior to...
___________________
Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho vs. JBL and Randy Orton.
- Looking like this match could be long. And good.
- Jeff Hardy gave Orton a SWANTON really early, but JBL prevented that from being the end of the match. We go to the break, and come back, as Orton doesn't have Hardy in a chinlock. Thankfully. JBL and Jericho's brawling sequences are rough. They stiff the hell out of each other. Hardy crashes and burns outside, and Y2J has JBL trapped in the WALLS OF JERICHO. Orton comes in and gives Jericho an RKO, which gets his team the 3 count at 10:58. **1/2, good TV stuff. John Cena comes out, presumably to have a go at Orton. JBL ducks out under the bottom rope, and we're one-on-one. Cena kicks Orton's ass, and finishes that off with the F-U. Not a single RAW this year has left Orton in a favorable position at the end of the show. That's really weird booking.
___________________
The show was, uh, good. Barely good. The best segment was the tag match at the end between JBL/Orton and Hardy/Jericho, and the worst was probably the actual Melina/Maria match. I don't know what'll be on my next column, other than ECW from today. I might even review Clash I before I put that up, I don't know. No promises.
6 p.m.
• So I’m still in way over my head at the new job. Nothing surprising with that. However, this got a LOL moment for me. For last week’s trip she said for me to include the mileage it took to drive to the airport. Now I already got some per diem check, which was good enough for me. However, the boss also said to include mileage and the $4 parking toll Mrs. kkk had while waiting for my flight to arrive. (Part II of this story, which started on Saturday, will be arriving shortly – just like how my flights were last week.) The boss said to use the federal mileage rate – something like 45 cents per mile. And why did this make me laugh? Would you care to guess what the mileage rate was at my former place of employment? For every guess in the “comments” section I’ll let you know if the correct answer is “higher” or “lower.”
• Uncle Ted endorses a black man for prez. Some feminazi group says this:
At this point, do I really need to make a remark about pondering whether or not leaving someone in the back seat of a car to drown counts as "betrayal"?
Sure I do.
Here's an oldie but goodie...
...hit it.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
You take one down,
Your passenger drowns,
98 bottles of beer on the wall...
98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer!
You take one down,
You hit the town,
97 bottles of beer on the wall...
97 bottles of beer on the wall
97 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles
should happen to fall
96 bottles of beer on the wall...
96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Forget Mary Jo 'cause she's started to pall
No need to report it, there's no need at all
95 bottles of beer on the wall...
95 hhashurhfajjfj
AIIEEEE!
95 lkkldnfklsdnjsdvhdfw
passh JDFWBA OKVKSN ogjekvirjverlkvuhjwrpihgw
94 dbjfjcovkerhjbchue...
94 bottle of beer on the wall
94 bottles of beer
Take one done
Pass it around
93 bottles of beer on the wall...
92 to bottles of beer on the wall
92 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
91 bottles of beer on the wall...
91 bottles of beer on the wall
91 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
he-drives-off-a-bridge-IN-ANGER-and-leaves-his-campaign-staffer-in-the-back-seat-to-die-a-miserable-death
90 bottles of beer on the wall...
90 bottles of beer on the wall! 90 bottles of beer!
Take a drink
Watch a young girl sink
89 bottles of beer on the wall...
89 bottles of beer on the wall! 89 bottles of beer!
Drink another and wait
Let her suffocate
88 bottles of beer on the wall...
88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer.
Off a bridge you drove
Blame it on Karl Rove
87 bottles of beer on the wall...
87 bottles of beer on the wall! 87 bottles of beer!
Guzzle one quick, you drunken old mick,
It's too late for Mary at Chappaquiddick
86 bottles of beer on the wall...
86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer
Your face is red
This is a great thread
85 bottles of beer on the wall...
85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer
Drink n' guzzle
Watch the bubbles
84 bottles of beer on the wall...
84 bottles of beer on the wall! 84 bottles of beer!
Swill it on down, you miserable clown
You couldn't possibly get elected anywhere but Massachusetts and at least the President managed to graduate from Harvard rather than being expelled twice for cheating on exams and oh he never cheated on his wife either or tried and failed to have sex with a woman while lying on a restaurant floor in a drunken stupor you disgusting morally leprous decrepit filthy scumbag
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
83 bottles of beer on the wall. 83 bottles of beer.
Get so drunk and you'll soon feel no pain
Bush is much worse than Saddam Hussein
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
82 bottles of beer on the wall. 82 bottles of beer.
My brother Jack nailed chicks with no fear.
If he didn't die, I'd have no career.
81 bottles of beer on the wall...
81 bottles of beer on the wall. 81 bottles of beer.
People who listen to my speeches get no relief.
My puppet Kerry was nearly commander-in-chief
Chug one more while my kidney's functions fall
80 bottles of beer on the wall...
80 bottles of beer on the wall. 80 bottles of beer.
Poor ol' Ted, his kid lost his leg.
But he's a democrat and deserves to suffer, according to crazy Meg.
79 bottles of beer on the wall...
79 bottles of beer on the wall. 79 bottles of beer.
Drug abuse, bootlegging, and cheating on women a lot
Just another day here in Camelot
Fuck you, we're rich and you're not
78 bottles of beer on the wall...
78 bottles of beer on the wall
78 bottles of beer
Fucking christ, his head's the size of a deer!
77 bottles of beer on the wall....
77 bottles of beer on the wall. 77 bottles of beer.
My voters I must scare,
With threatened cuts to Medicare.
76 bottles of beer on the wall...
76 bottles of beer on the wall. 76 bottles of beer.
Women's rights are a cause in which I place much stock.
"Hey, baby, wanna see my bloated cock?
"It's 2 inches long and hard as a rock"
75 bottles of beer on the wall...
75 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer
Care about politics I do not, even so
I'm always down to wreck on another Masshole.
74 bottles of beer on the wall...
74 bottles of beer on the wall. 74 bottles of beer.
I hate to sound daft,
But there's going to be a draft.
73 bottles of beer on the wall...
72 bottles of beer on the wall. 72 bottles of beer.
At least I didn't kill her by driving into a tree.
Did you know that my IQ was only 33?
My face has a startling resemblance to my knee
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
73 bottles of beer on the wall. 73 bottles of beer.
MikeSC had this number but Bush stole it you see
Just like he does with the trust fund for Social Security
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
71 bottles of beer on the wall! 71 bottles of beer!
Saddam Hussein has two dead sons
Ted's son lost his leg and his three brothers were all killed one of his sisters died in a plane crash and his family lobotomized another so she wouldn't embarrass them so we should be kind and understandiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
70 bottles of beer on the wall...
70 bottles of beer on the wall. 70 bottles of beer.
Did you notice that my numbers aren't uniform?
You'd think I was writing my party's platform
69 bottles of beer on the wall...
69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer
Heh heh, uh heh heh, uh heh he heh
69......
68 bottles of beer on the wall...
68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer.
Dubs is a democrat,
and still thinks Ted's retarded and fat,
67 bottles of beer on the wall...
67 bottle of beer on the wall. 67 bottles of beer.
I got here through the deaths of Jack, Bobby, and Joe
Man, why couldn't I fuck Marilyn Monroe?
We both drink like fish, don't ya know?
66 bottles of beer on the wall...
66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer
Where the hell are my pants...
....
And the girl...
65 bottles of beer on the wall...
65 bottles of beer on the wall! 65 bottles of beer!
Take one down, don't pass it around
Chug that motherfucker and reach for another
With Uncle Ted, we're out on the town!
Fuck it, we'll never get a fucking drink at this rate
64 bottles of beer on the wall...
64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer!
Take one down, pass it around
I've fucked my state from my lofty perch
Because my junior is Senator Lurch
63 bottles of beer on the wall...
63 bottles of beer on the wall,
63 bottles of beer,
With fine English gin that my dad smuggled in,
62 bottles of beer on the wall...
62 bottles of beer on the wall. 62 bottles of beer.
My face has become almost comically thick
My nephew, well, he raped a chick
I can't speak English worth a lick
61 bottles of beer on the wall...
61 bottles of beer on the wall,
61 bottles of beer,
Put your sister in bed,
take a pick to her head,
60 bottles of beer on the wall...
60 bottles of beer on the wall,
60 bottles of beer,
Our Party's leadership is in trauma
Good thing we have Osama bin Obama
59 bottles of beer on the wall...
59 bottles of beer on the wall. 59 bottles of beer.
I don't like it when shotguns go "blam!"
Did you know my boy Kerry served in Vietnam?
Only thing I like more than liquor is a great big ham
58 bottles of beer on the wall...
58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer.
With all that I can muster
This thread I will filibuster
Because it's an assault on my character and America has a time-honored tradition of Democrats filibustering extreme things like civil rights...
Still filibustering...
La la la...
So, how about those Red Sox?...
Is it last call yet?...
Wait, Robert "kkk" Byrd just offered a compromise? Well, shit.
57 bottles of beer on the wall...
57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer.
KKK's sure was the best,
But let's not put this thread to rest,
56 bottles of beer on the wall...
56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer
Ted laughed at the girl from the shore,
Let's watch Dubs post whore
55 bottles of beer on the wall...
55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer
We'll say Roberts' son looks like a dork
So his daddy will end up like Robert Bork
54 bottles of beer on the wall...
54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer
I think alternative energies are great
As long as they're away from my estate
53 bottles of beer on the wall...
53 bottles of beer on the wall. 53 bottles of beer.
A bitch was trippin in Chappaquiddick
Fuck I think my face was beaten with an ugly stick
52 bottles of beer on the wall...
52 bottles of beer on the wall
52 bottles of beer
Public school is so dear to my heart
But you know that my grandkids would never take part
And I will fight vouchers, shoot 'em down with a dart
Good schools are just for the rich, not the smart,
Keep all the commoners nicely apart,
But go on and vote for me when November starts,
I've gone for six lines and still haven't used 'fart,'
I've whittled hypocrisy down to an art...(whew, long one!)
...51 bottles of beer on the wall...
51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer.
In Robert Bork's America we'd have no civil right
Which is why Robert's nomination we'll continue to fight
50 bottles of beer on the wall...
50 bottles of beer on the wall
50 bottles of beer
I hope this doesn't sound odd
But I could go for a waitress sandwich with Dodd
49 bottles of beer on the wall...
49 bottles of beer on the wall
49 bottles of beer
Please don't be rude and yawn
When I say Iraq is Bush's Vietnam
48 bottles of beer on the wall...
48 bottles of beer on the wall
48 bottles of beer
If you think I've drunk a lot in life
then you should see my ex-wife!
47 bottles of beer on the wall...
47 bottles of beer on the wall.
47 bottles of beer
I love alternative energy and so should you
just so long as it doesn't block my view
46 bottles of beer on the wall...
46 bottles of beer on the wall
46 bottles of beer
I ate chips of paint made from lead
Lord knows I'm not under fed
The only thing bigger than my ego is my head
I'm too fat to get chicks into bed
My speech is worse than Hillbilly Jed
I'm so worthless that I'd be better of dead
45 bottles of beer...
45 bottles of beet on the wall, 45 bottles of beer!
Why did God take John and Rob Kennedy?
Yet, I'll probably live 'till I'm 103?
44 bottles of beer on the wall...
44 bottles of beer on the wall
44 bottles of beer on the wall
i'm drunk has hell
know Mary Jo's dead
43 bottles of beer on the wall...
43 bottles of beer on the wall.
43 bottles of beer.
Fuck you, I'm drinking.
Cock smoker
42 bottles of beer on the wall...
41 bottles of beer on the wall
41 bottle of beer
my pops hated jews
now get me another brew
41 bottle of beer on the wall...
40 bottles of beer on the wall
40 bottles of beer
Some call me a murderous drunken Mick
But I wear, I drove off the bridge because she was sucking my dick
After she drowned I went back to the party and drank till I was sick
39 bottles of beer on the wall...
39 bottles of beer on the wall
39 bottles of beer
Ann Coulter wrote about me this week driving off a cliff
But those records are sealed, since I'm a hypocritical stiff
38 bottles of beer on the wall...
38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer
It's really bad that a levee had to fail
But I have a court nominee to nail
37 bottles of beer on the wall...
37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer
For all those drowned (during Katrinia) I'll yell at Bush for failing to react
Woah, wait a second. How ironic is that?
36 bottles of beer on the wall...
36 bottles of beer on the wall. 36 bottles of beer.
A nuclear energy industry is evil, really evil by far
Even though it's killed fewer people than my car
35 bottles of beer on the wall...
35 bottles of beer on the wall
35 bottle of beer
while right know i'm totally shitfaced
my nephew Bobby is a total disgrace
34 bottles of beer on the wall...
34 bottles of beer on the wall
34 bottle of beer
I'm babbling in front of a Chief Justice nominee
All his legal answers don't matter to me
I will still vote "no" because he's a facist Nazi
Because I'm all about the working family
33 bottles of beer on the wall...
33 bottles of beer on the wall
33 bottle of beer
This poster Matt Young I do not know
But I wish he was in that car with me and Mary Jo
32 bottles of beer on the wall...
32 bottles of beer on the wall,
32 bottles of beer.
I'll never mope,
I've got an indulgence from the Pope.
31 bottles of beer on the wall...
31 bottles of beer on the wall.
31 bottles of beer
I hate that Enron's collapse nearly made the economy crash
Shame my dad did worse to get his cash
30 bottles of beer on the wall...
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
SEEK! LO - CATE! EX - TER - MIN - ATE!
ALL RA - CES ARE IN - FE - RI -OR TO THE DAAAL - EKS!
TWEN - TY - NINE BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL...
29 bottles of beer on the wall. 29 FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER!
WHAT THE HELL ARE THE HAWKS DOING? JESUS CHRIST, NO DAMNED POINT GUARDS?
No...FUCK Ted Kennedy. THIS is BULLSHIT!
28 bottles of beer on the wall...
28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer.
Let's get this fucking thread over with because the same people posting here are complaining about Matt Young Appreciation Day SINCE THE HUMOR HERE IS SO STERLING AND GENIUS
3 27 bottles of beer on the wall...
27 bottles of beer on the wall. 27 bottles of beer.
Greengrocer can't count too well.
God knows what made Teddy's face swell.
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Perhaps Greengrocer needs a v-chip for this thread
Because simply ignoring it by not clicking on its link must cause him dread
Oh yeah -- the senior Masshole Senator -- I can't wait until he's dead
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
(assuming) 26 bottles of beer on the wall, (assuming) 26 bottles of beer.
kkk forgot to subtract,
The universe is constantly in a quantum state,
Nothing can truly be called "knowable."
Life is ephemal, fleeting; all men die.
Subatomic particles wink in and out of existence, without purpose, without meaning.
i bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Thanks to my miscount, this order is distorted
Good thing Ted's pro-choice, so my last post is aborted
25 bottles of beer on the wall...
25 bottles of beer on the wall. 25 bottles of beer.
I tried to save a group from drowning with a friend and myself
This joke can write itself:
24 bottles of beer on the wall...
24 bottles of beer on the wall
24 bottles of beer
Harriet Miers would be a better nominee
If she'd just go for a ride with me
23 bottles of beer on the wall...
23 bottles of beer on the wall
23 bottles of beer
Though my liver is swelling and my BAC is gaining
For a drunkard like me, this is only pregaming
22 bottles of beer on the wall...
0 bottles of beer on the wall
0 bottles of beer...
you actually think that this drunken mick would let all this beer stay on the wall for this long?
22 bottles of beer on the wall. 22 bottles of beer.
True, they were all gone, as fast as a comet
But they're all back because I had to vomit
21 bottles of beer on the wall...
21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer
BLACKJACK MOTHERFUCKER!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
20 bottles of beer on the wall...
20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer
At least when I get drunk I DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT
19 bottles of beer on the wall...
19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer
This thread was never funny except for Grocer and Sandman's jabs
Drawing a blank here, um... Jesus was really an A-rab
18 bottles of beer on the wall...
18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer
I said for the Supreme Court Democrats don't do a litmus test
We look for candidates that are the very best
17 bottles of beer on the wall...
Aw hell, I need another brew for that last line of bullshit.
16 bottles of beer on the wall...
16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer
Fat blimp ruins land
Whale brings shame to all people
Shut his huge pie hole
15 bottles of beer on the wal...
15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Then you will see a fat man bawl
14 bottles of beer on the wall...
14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer
Bush lied about Iraq and we're keeping score
And please ignore all of the things we said before
13 bottles of beer on the wall...
13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer.
Iraq is stockpiled with WMD and a hotbed for terror
Wait, it's '05, not '98, so sorry for the error
12 bottles of beer on the wall...
12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer
Extremist Judge Al-lee-go doesn't think strip-searching a kid will scar her for life
It's even worse than drowning someone who isn't your wife
11 bottles of beer on the wall...
11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer.
My children's book follows a day in my life,
I get drunk before noon and then cheat on my wife.
10 bottles of beer on the wall...
10 bottles of beer on the wall! 10 bottles of beer!
10 year-old girl was strip-searched and it "scarred" her
Oh how I wish they had let me guard her
9 bottles of beer on the wall...
9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer.
As I get drunk, I talked a lot louda,
Er ah, er ah, Chowda, CHOWDA, CHOWDA
8 bottles of beer on the wall...
8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer
Smashed during hearings makes them so much better
You can tell by my face getting redder
7 bottles of beer on the wall...
7 bottles of beer on the wall,
7 bottles of beer,
These GOP scumbags are far-right extremists,
But later this year they're still gonna cream us, EDIT: Uh, no
6 bottles of beer on the wall...
6 bottles of beer on the wall,
6 bottles of beer
I make judges' wives drown in their tears
And I don't have to drive or shift gears
5 bottles of beer on the wall...
5 bottles of beer on the wall,
5 bottles of beer!
I've had fun treating Judge Alito like a prick
Even though he could shut me up by saying, "Chappaquiddick,"
4 bottles of beer on the wall...
4 bottles of beer on the wall
4 bottles of beer
I'm bringing my children's book about Washington DC, to a 1st grad class
It's too damn bad, I couldn't save Mary Jo's ass.
3 bottles of beer on the wall...
3 bottles of beer on the wall,
3 bottles of beer,
30-plus years of being a drunk fatto,
Living in the depths of my dead brothers' shadow,
2 bottles of beer on the wall...
2 bottles of beer on the wall,
2 bottles of beer
Now it's last call and the drinks are on me
But you have to have a nice ass or size 34 D
1 more bottle of beer on the wall...
1 bottle of beer on the wall,
1 bottle of beer
The wall is bankrupt from what I can see
Just like George W. Bush's economy
No more bottles of beer on the wall!
I'm headed to the store, I'll be back.
Well, this isn't going to end well. Here we go again.
*Still preparing the Pete Rock remix.*
So it looks like Kucinich is out of the Presidential race. And I was so sure that this was his year, too...
On a related note, during an endless, boring day of "online training" at work last week, I was scanning TSM and noticed a thread called "A Presidential Quiz" on the main forum page under 'last post info' in the CE folder. Thinking this would be a fun little way to test my knowledge of our Chief Executives and/or kill some time, I stepped into the abyss and clicked the link. What did I find? This page, which isn't really a "Presidential quiz" at all.
The results of said quiz and the guy (and I say "guy" because Hillary has no chance) who should get my vote for President this year?
That's fitting--that result is pretty much a perfect summary of how I feel about the Republican field this year.
Incidentally, my "top Dem" was Obama. Of course, when the alternative is Edwards, Hillary, Kucinich, etc., well, that's not really saying much.
------------------------------
So kkk was forced to get out and about amongst the flying public last week. Reading his entry caused me to reflect on some of my recent air travel experiences. Allow me to reminisce for a moment...
Christmas Day 2007: On our flight home from Kansas City, sfaJill and I witness a guy a few rows in front of us have a mini-meltdown because his GIANT WINTER COAT wouldn't fit in the overhead bin and the flight attendant told him he would have to either check it or hold it in his lap.
April 2007: Moments before our honeymoon flight to Orlando was supposed to take off, we were told that there would be a "slight delay" because some light came on in the cockpit and maintenance had to come check it out. Two hours later, we're still sitting there. And this is after being told that it was not a safety issue and that the problem could be fixed upon landing in Orlando but "someone downtown" wanted to fix it now. So...yea. By the time it was fixed, the later 7:30 flight to Orlando had arrived just prior to our 4:00 flight...
August 2007: On our way to Boston, I am the fortunate winner of the "have a screaming 3-year-old sit in his mom's lap in the seat behind you" sweepstakes. That little bastard was relentless. Three solid hours of whining and crying, all the while his mom just sat there saying "Shhhh!" When we were over Tennessee, I couldn't take it anymore and resorted to the childish act of putting my seat back just to make their flight a little more cramped. Not one of my better moments, I'll admit...
August 2006: Another friend and I are going to Chicago for the weekend. The plane is taxiing down the runway when it suddenly comes to a complete stop. Pilot comes on and says that there is some "congestion" on the runway and that we are 33rd in line to take off, so it will be a while.
What he didn't mention was that it would be an hour and a half and that they would be shutting the engines off while we waited. On an August afternoon. In Houston. Hot times in Texas!
January 2007: I was in Amsterdam waiting to catch my connecting flight to Cairo that was supposed to depart at 8:45 p.m. The weather outside was horrible; winds are blowing ridiculously hard and it's about 35 degrees. I'm tired--I'd arrived from Houston at 7:30 local time that morning and had only slept three hours since waking up in Houston the day before (I can't sleep on planes). 8:45 passes with no call for us to even board the plane. Another hour...then another. All of this time in the terminal is made worse by the fact that all the restaurants/shops closed around 9:30 so I couldn't even walk around and look at anything. Finally, just before midnight we are ready to go.
Wrong.
We had barely pulled away from the gate when the pilot announces that we've got a flat tire and can't take off with that. It will be "10 minutes" to fix it. Five minutes later, he comes back on and says that there's actually two flat tires and it will be more like "one hour" before we are ready to go. Finally, just past 1 in the morning, we depart--a few minutes after we were already supposed to have arrived in Cairo.
I was uncomfortable, tired and very annoyed to say the least (how could no one notice TWO flat tires when they're doing all their loading/inspections of the planes in preparation for our flight??). Even the hot Dutch girl in the seat next to me wasn't enough to distract me and boost my spirits. I felt bad for the driver waiting to pick me up in Cairo though--he had to wait an extra five hours for me.
Since I am ordering the show tonight, I thought I might as well give some pre-match thoughts and projections.
Royal Rumble Match
Always a good show. I am a bit wary though on the HHH show. I find his character stale and his matches generally dull. It is not that he is not a good wrestler, but he is terribly methodical. Every time he wrestles a big gimmick match you know it is going 20+ minutes. HHH/Orton at Wrestlemania does not interest me in the slightest. The only thing that might make it watchable is an Evolution Fatal Four-way. In this match though, you have either HHH or the Undertaker, unless WWE throws a major curveball. Other storylines heading in are the Hornswaggle/Finlay saga, and that's about it. We'll see.
Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton
You know the IWC are still marks at heart. Everyone wants WWE to put Jeff over in this match although it really doesn't make good long-term booking sense. It would devalue Orton as champion even if they gave him the belt back, and Jeff as champion would not have a ready opponent apart from the Orton rematch. I'd love to see a title change though, because we're all marks at heart. Jeff has become one of WWE's better talents, and it will be a great moment when he does win the title, here or in the future.
Edge vs. Rey Mysterio
No one really believes Mysterio has a shot here.
MVP vs. Ric Flair
Again, everyone buys Flair coming out on top, possibly thanks to Matt Hardy. This Rumble card is really devoid of suspense, which makes me believe that they might try a surprise on at least one of the matches.
JBL vs. Chris Jericho
I think there might be money in a gimmick match down the road, though they would be crazy to try a blood feud blowoff on the same card as an elimination chamber, and I do not know if they can drag this out until Wrestlemania. This match honestly though gives Jericho his best shot at a great match in two years. Hopefully he can deliver.
It's time for the Tecmo Super Bowl, uh Super Bowl, extravaganza! Here's recap of the playoffs.
San Francisco 49ers
Regular Season Results (13-3)
1: L – Giants 21-24 OT
2: W – Chargers 34-14
3: L – Vikings 24-27 OT
4: W – Rams 35-21
5: L – Raiders 14-21
6: Bye
7: W – Falcons 31-14
8: W – Lions 28-3
9: W – Eagles 27-9
10: W – Falcons 24-17
11: W – Saints 35-24
12: W – Cardinals 21-10
13: W – Rams 35-34
14: W – Saints 21-20
15: W – Seahawks 31-21
16: W – Chiefs 28-17
17: W – Bears 21-10
Offense Rankings
Total: 2nd
Pass: 2nd
Rush: 23rd
Defense Rankings
Total: 9th
Pass: 18th
Rush: 3rd
Offense
QB: Joe Montana - 150/222, 3810 Yards, 41 TD, 12 Int
RB: Roger Craig - 68 Att, 540 Yards, 2 TD
RB: Tom Rathman - 114 Att, 726 Yards, 16 TD
WR: John Taylor – 22 Rec, 510 Yards, 8 TD
WR: Jerry Rice - 75 Rec, 1955 Yards, 21 TD
TE: Brent Jones – 15 Rec, 365 Yards, 2 TD
C: Jess Sapolu
LG: Guy McIntyre
RG: Harris Barton
LT: Bubba Parris
RT: Steve Wallace
Reserves
QB: Steve Young
RB: Dexter Carter, Harry Sydney
WR: Mike Wilson, Mike Sherrard
TE: Jamie Williams
Special Teams
K: Mike Cofer – 58/59 XP, 6/10 FG
P: Barry Helton – 11 Punts, 43.1 Avg
Defense
RE: Kevin Fagan – 15 Sacks
NT: Michael Carter – 2 Sacks
LE: Pierce Holt – 7 Sacks
ROLB: Bill Romanowski – 1 Sack
RILB: Keith Delong
LILB: Matt Millen – 1 Sack
LOLB: Charles Haley – 13 Sacks
RCB: Don Griffin – 2 Int
LCB: Darryl Pollard
FS: Ronnie Lott – 6 Int
SS: Dave Waymer – 8 Int
Houston Oilers
Regular Season Results (10-6)
1: L – Raiders 21-30
2: W – Bengals 23-21
3: W – Chiefs 21-17
4: L – Patriots 17-35
5: Bye
6: W – Broncos 10-7
7: W – Jets 30-24 OT
8: W – Dolphins 35-14
9: W – Bengals 44-24
10: L – Redskins 24-27 OT
11: W – Cowboys 21-10
12: L – Browns 21-24
13: L – Steelers 20-28
14: W – Eagles 31-28 OT
15: W- Steelers 21-9
16: L – Browns 21-30
17: W – Giants 30-24 OT
Offense Rankings
Total: 3rd
Pass: 1st
Rush: 26th
Defense Rankings
Total: 19th
Pass: 24th
Rush: 15th
Offense
QB: Warren Moon – 153/226, 3959 Yards, 38 TD, 20 Int
RB: Lorenzo White – 86 Att, 620 Yards, 6 TD
WR: Ernest Givins – 45 Rec, 1191 Yards, 13 TD
WR: Haywood Jeffries – 32 Rec, 838 Yards, 7 TD
WR: Drew Hill – 31 Rec, 701 Yars, 9 TD
WR: Curtis Duncan – 43 Rec, 1176 Yards, 9 TD
C: Jay Pennison
LG: Mike Munchak
RG: Bruce Matthews
LT: Don Maggs
RT: Dean Steinkuhler
Reserves
QB: Cody Carlson
RB: Allen Pinkett, Victor Jones, Doug Lloyd
WR: Tony Jones, Gerald McNeil
Special Teams
K: Tony Zendejas – 48/50 XP, 10/13 FG
P: Greg Montgomery – 6 Punts, 47.3 Avg
Defense
RE: Sean Jones – 11 Sacks
NT: Doug Smith – 3 Sacks
LE: William Fuller – 11 Sacks
ROLB: Johnny Meads – 2 Sacks
RILB: Al Smith
LILB: John Grimsley – 2 Sacks
LOLB: Ray Childress – 12 Sacks
RCB: Richard Johnson – 4 Int
LCB: Chris Dishman – 3 Int
FS: Terry Kinard – 1 Int
SS: Bubba McDowell – 2 Int
Super Bowl XXVI: San Francisco 49ers vs. Houston Oilers
1st Quarter
49ers won the coin toss but would turn it over immediately as Dexter Carter fumbled the opening kickoff as the Oilers recovered on the 49ers 30 yard line. They couldn't move the ball at all though and settled for a Tony Zendejas 45 yard field goal for a 3-0 lead. 49ers moved the ball into the Oilers territory on their first possession but Mike Cofer missed a 53 yard field goal. Warren Moon would hit Ernest Givins on a 46 yard catch and run on the next play which would eventually lead to another Zendejas field goal.
Houston 6, San Francisco 0
2nd Quarter
Mike Cofer missed another long field goal, this time 59 yards, and the Oilers looked to turn this into a rout early as they march down the field and Warren Moon takes it in himself from the 1 for a 13-0 lead. 49ers finally answered though with a quick drive that ended with a Tom Rathman 15 yard touchdown run. On the ensuing kick off Gerald McNeil is tackled in the endzone for a touchback...no wait it's Tecmo Rules so it's a safety! 49ers get the ball back and pull within a point on a Cofer field goal near the end of the half.
Houston 13, San Francisco 12
Halftime
Best. Halftime Show. Ever.
3rd Quarter
Oilers offense scuffles in the quarter as they fail to pick up a first down. After a long run by Rathman, Jerry Rice begins to make his presence felt as he catches 19 yard touchdown pass from Joe Montana to give the 49ers their first lead of the game.
San Francisco 19, Houston 13
4th Quarter
Oilers retake the lead on their next possession in part to a 29 yard Moon run and then Hill makes a leaping 39 yard touchdown grab. It's the 4th quarter though, and it's the Super Bowl, so you knew Montana would march the 49ers right back and it wasn't without drama. Oilers stuff Rathman on 3rd and Goal at the 1 but on the 4th and Goal Rathman scores the go ahead touchdown. Oilers still had enough time to comeback but they would lose 18 yards on three plays and then on 4th and 28 the great Tecmo computer logic shows up as they run the ball. It did catch the 49ers off guard as Lorenzo White rumbled for 13 yards but well short of the first down. As the 49ers tried to run out the clock Rathman fumbled on the Oilers 30 but it went out of bounds. The next play Rathman would take it the distance for his third touchdown of the game, wrapping up the Super Bowl MVP honors and a third Super Bowl title in four years for the 49ers. The 49ers ended the season on a 14 game winning streak.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 3: nl5xsk1
Yes, you read that right. The poster known with one of the more annoying names to type has cracked the number 3 spot on this list. “But kkk, how can this be? You’ve been calling this scat-loving fiend ‘nl-asshole’ for years. How can he be listed so high? Did he pay you off? Did he find you a MILF? What happened?” Well, I’ll tell you what happened.
This "nl-asshole" thing is all a giant SWERVE~!
You may find this hard to believe, but I generally don’t put a lot of thought into my message-boarding. When I’m scrolling down a thread, I rarely spend more than a few seconds reading a post, and when I get to the end of a thread, I typically type the first few thoughts that come to my head – no matter how nonsensical they may be. And on 8:48 a.m. on September 29, 2004, I read the following post by nl5xsk1 in a thread titled “List your aliases.. old board names...”
and I just felt like typing...
That’s it. That’s how this great “feud” started. Let me recap: For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes. One my say I’m breaking KEYFABE right now, but this is, at its heart, an internet message board, and this is a SHOOT, baby. The Ross Report doesn’t have shit on this. (Is the Ross Report even around anymore?)
So, yeah. Over the years I’ve shaped this “hatred” for nl5xsk1 to include such witty banter like:
However, the highlight of this e-feud, which has spanned multiple message boards, came during kkk Bowl III when nl5xsk1 actually won the whole thing – well, it’s sure a lot better than him not bothering to show up for the posteason.
Are we typing?
Is this mic still on?
Well thank God that’s over and done with. I didn’t know how long I could last saying nice things about this cocksucker. And by “cocksucker,” I mean cocksucker.
1 p.m.
• So I have said in the past that I don’t like flying. In fact, the last time I was on an airplane was back in 1996 during a trip to California just before I met the future Mrs. kkk. Why don’t I like flying? Well, there’s always the chance of crashing into the ground from 10,000 feet. Yeah, I know the odds are much greater that I’d get killed by a fellow motorist than I would by a shitty pilot. However, the illusion that I could actually do something about my status on the highway is a better feeling. If you’re on an interstate and some truck in front of you has a bunch of shit loosely tied down to the roof then you could switch lanes. When you’re in a plane, there’s not much you can do unless you have a parachute strapped to you and near an exit. However, there are other factors that have nothing to do with drunk pilots and pisspoor mechanics.
The passengers
Here’s what I said a while back regarding my Going … Back … To … Cali… in the 1990s.
And while my experiences dealing with passengers during this latest round of flying I just didn’t wasn’t as bad as my ’96 experiences, it didn’t help matters. It amazed me how many people tried to carry on luggage that was too big to fit in overhead compartments. Jesus Christ, I haven’t flown for more than a decade and I was smart enough to take note that my one piece of luggage wasn’t deemed acceptable for overhead storage. Then again, these people are probably the same type that I dealt with in my Quickie Mart days that tried paying for a 25-cent pack of gum with a $50 bill. But I digress.
Connecting flights
So the plan was for my boss and I to take a flight from Shittsburgh to Philadelphia and then from Philly to Albany, N.Y. However, when I got to the airport I found out that we were instead going to New York City. This also meant that our departure would be a few hours later than the Shittsburgh-Philly flight. Great. Well, after my cross-state flight, I ended up in LaGuardia Airport. Holy fuck is that place a dump. And to make matters better, I had to wait a few more hours until this one plane from Harrisburg landed here because that was the vehicle to take me to Albany. One problem: This plane was running late. Whoopie. Here’s another bonus: LaGuardia only had a handful of stores, and most of them featured “I [heart][/heart] N.Y.” Oh, yeah, like I’m going to get that shit. Then I saw Hitlery merchandise. Even better. Fuck. I ended up getting a U.S. Snooze & World Distort magazine that talked about previous election cycles. One thing I like about U.S. News is that they do some neat “looking back” pieces. I remember in ’00 they had an interesting feature about the ’48 conventions – I’m pretty sure it was that year because it dealt with Truman and Dewey. Where was I? Oh, yeah. LaGuardia.
So while waiting for the Harrisburg plane to arrive I sat by the gate because you can only walk the halls a certain number of times before people start thinking you’re a terrorist. My boss and I were supposed to arrive in Albany at 4 p.m. It was past 4 when we heard that the Harrisburg plane had just taken off. After an hour or so we were told that the flight to Albany was seating for Zones 1-8. That sounded odd. Then when I stepped onto this massive transportation vehicle I noted that I was in “Zone 8.” And by “Zone 8” I mean the “eighth row.” The actual flight itself wasn’t too bad. I remember flying on a smaller plane when I was kid vacationing in Florida, and as a bonus I didn’t have to sit next to anyone.
We got into Albany at around 6:30 p.m. just in time to see news television shows talking about the stock market’s REMARKABLE DAY~! When I was at LaGuardia all the news shows were talking about RECESSION and the STOCK MARKET TANKING and other gloom and doom pieces. Then after my shitty flight to Albany, it’s a MIRACLE REBOUND. Then again, these are the same people that thought Obama was going to crush the Hildabeast by double digits in New Hampshire and that by 1985 the earth was going to freeze due to global cooling. And who wonders why people are skeptical of the mainstream media?
So Wednesday I was at airports from 9 a.m. through about 7:30 p.m. All to get on two one-hour-flights. My boss, who travels all the time, said this is the first time in a long while this sort of thing has happened to her. I said I’d gladly take the blame for this if it means a raise. However, the best was yet to come on the way home on Friday...
