10 a.m.
• Even though this story is funny, what with the shirt's message and all, when this bitch goes out and kills someone with her car we'll all be going "OMG WHY WASN'T ANYTHING DONE BEFORE THIS HAPPENED?" Here's a news video regarding this story for those that care.
9 a.m.
• I bet this would have been an intersting sight.
A French rapper supporting a right-wing president? The closest thing I can think of right now as to when this happened in the United States was this with Eazy-E.
• While on the hip-hop subject, I got KRS-One playing in the background. My favorite track on his self-titled album is coming up, which coincidently is the same album that has a song called "Free Mumia." There's some good advice in this verse, even if you don't plan on being a rapper in order to pay the mortgage.
10 p.m.
• So I just got done watching "Crash." Holy shit did that deserve to win an Oscar -- for best comedy. I can't remember another film from recent memory in which I've laughed so hard for so long.
3 p.m.
• About damn time, A-Rod. Now the sports media can talk about when you are going to hit 600~!
• So I’m in the mood to make fun of my employers. In two weeks I will be at another board meeting where I’m sure there will be plenty of bitching about the downward spiral of our organization. Why is my workplace in the shitter? Perhaps this example might shed some light on the subject:
In August of 2006 it was voted on to raise our annuity rates by a half-point in order to generate much-needed business. In addition, it was voted on to start a print advertising campaign to, you know, let people know of this rate increase, which was considerably higher than the rest of the market. My idiot boss was lukewarm to this, claiming outside advertising doesn’t work. Between this time and the next meeting in November I produced about a half-dozen ad concepts and filed them away until the idiot decides to ask for them.
In November of 2006, there is no mention of this ad campaign at the board meeting. In February of 2007, nothing is done at this meeting either.
In May of 2007, it is determined that we cut the annuity rates because they didn’t generate the type of business the powers-that-be had hoped. The idiot boss also tells everybody that the print ad campaign will be done “sometime this summer.” My ads are still lounging in my “stuff the boss will forget about because shiny objects around him are easy distractions” folder.
As of Friday, August 3, there is still no mention of these ads from the powers-that-be.
So, in summary, we raised annuity rates for nearly nine months in hopes of attracting customers. We didn’t advertise these rates and nobody bought them. If any advertising will now be done, it will tout rates that have been reduced and are at par with the rest of the industry and are really not all that spectacular, especially with a stock market at 14,000. (Quick lesson: the better the stock market does, the worse it is for the annuity market and vice versa.) This will then make the idiot boss say, “See? outside advertising does not work. Just like I told you all before.”
Did I forget mention that at the August 2006 meeting it was determined the theme of these ads were to pimp our increased annuity rates?
Like I’ve said before, there’s something charming about watching this kind of behavior – in a train wreck sort of way. Now you might ask, “How come you didn’t show your boss the ads you created nearly a year ago?” Because when you deal with people this incompetent, the best thing to do is step away, keep your mouth shut and avoid them whenever possible. If you get too close to a tar pit, then you’ll be dragged in as well. Trust me on this one.
10:30 a.m.
• So I had to go with the better half to some annual church bazaar and had to play Bingo for 90 minutes. Actually, I don’t mind Bingo. It’s rather fun to piss off Mrs. kkk by flipping those chip-things around and hear all the old people bitch about not being able to hear the numbers called out. In fact, last night’s outing was downright awesome because the Bingo caller’s kid was helping call out numbers. Did I mention the kid has Downs. Do I need to say any more? Wow, were there a number of angry blue-hairs. Please note I’m not giddy the kid has Downs. Rather, it was hilarious to watch so many people try to understand what she was calling out when her dad would call out the same number a few seconds later.
3 p.m.
• So yesterday I heard Pat McEnroe and J.A. Adande subbing in on PTI. Wasn't impressed. Not so much at J.A., but Pat was trying way too hard and coming up way too short. It felt like J.A. was just collateral damage.
• And this is why I don't bother to read fiction ... real life is so much better. Love the last paragraph. (Note: This article is a few months old.)
Without Bo Jackson the Raiders still remained undefeated after beating the surprisingly mediocre 49ers 21-14. The Bills also are still unscathed as they slaughtered the Bears 38-7. The Cardinals, Bucs, and Falcons all picked up their first wins of the season and now every team in the league has at least one win. The big performance of the week came from Mark Duper who scorched the Jets secondary for 217 yards receiving in the Dolphins' 31-21 win.
Week 5 Scores
L.A. Raiders 21, San Francisco 14
RAI: 5-0, SF: 2-3
-Marcus Allen: 88 yards rushing
Seattle 30, Indianapolis 14
SEA: 3-2, IND: 2-3
John L Williams: 236 total yards
Miami 31, N.Y. Jets 21
MIA: 4-1, NYJ: 1-4
-Mark Duper: 6 rec, 217 yards
Phoenix 28, New England 10
PHX: 1-4, NE: 1-4
-Johnny Johnson: 210 total yards
Denver 17, Minnesota 14 OT
DEN: 3-2, MIN: 3-2
-John Elway: 196 yards passing
San Diego 28, Kansas City 7
SD: 4-1, KC: 2-3
-Marion Butts: 137 yards rushing
Atlanta 28, New Orleans 27
ATL: 1-4, NO: 2-3
-Chris Miller: 237 yards passing
Washington 21, Philadelphia 14
WAS: 3-2, PHI: 3-2
-Art Monk: 5 rec, 143 yards
Buffalo 38, Chicago 7
BUF: 5-0, CHI: 2-3
-Jim Kelly: 285 yards passing
Tampa Bay 20, Detroit 17
TB: 1-4, DET: 2-3
-Vinny Testaverde: 216 yards passing
L.A. Rams 24, Green Bay 16
RAM: 3-2, GB: 1-4
Jim Everett: 179 yards passing
N.Y. Giants 24, Dallas 16
NYG: 4-1, DAL: 2-3
-Phil Simms: 210 yards passing
Bye Weeks: Cincinnati (1-3), Cleveland (2-2), Houston (2-2), Pittsburgh (2-2)
Leaders thru Week 5
PASSING LEADERS
Rating
1. Dan Marino, 219.1
2. Phil Simms, 205.6
3. Steve Walsh, 165.4
Yards
1. Marino, 1262
2. Joe Montana, 1254
3. Walsh, 1154
Touchdowns
1. Marino, 18
2t. Many with 12
RECEIVING LEADERS
Receptions
1. Jerry Rice, 26
2. Mark Duper, 19
3t. Many with 18
Yards
1. Rice, 680
2. Duper, 546
3. Art Monk, 480
Touchdowns
1. Rice, 7
2t. Many with 6
RUSHING LEADERS
Yards
1. Earnest Byner, 449
2. Thurman Thomas, 399
3. Bobby Humphrey, 392
Touchdowns
1t. Dalton Hilliard, 6
1t. Marcus Allen, 6
3t. Many with 5
DEFENSIVE LEADERS
Interceptions
1t. Many with 4
Sacks
1. Lawrence Taylor, 13
2. Simon Fletcher, 8
3t. Many with 7
SPECIAL TEAMS LEADERS
Field Goals: Steve Christie, 7
Punting Avg: Mark Saxon, 53.1
Punt Return Avg: Henry Ellard; Johnny Bailey, 13.0
Kick Return Avg: Chris Warren, 23.0
I like Facebook.
I like the fact that when I post this, I won't be bombarded with spam. I post one thing or write to a friend, and poof, the Inbox fills up with fake profiles. Most of the messages contain things like "Hey hon, cLiCk here for my pix". NO!
MySpace is one of the most heavily trafficked sites on the Internet. News Corp/Tom need to work on something that filters out these fake profiles otherwise MySpace will turn in to the next AOL.
MySpace stole the little headlines from Facebook while applications are being created on Facebook to make it more like MySpace.
I'm sorry. I don't want to listen to your music. I like my music and I know you like your music. In fact, I'm listening to music right now but I don't feel like making a mix tape.
8:15 p.m.
• There’s nothing like writing a cover letter while playing Body Count’s “Mama’s Gotta Die Tonight.” I’m a bit pissed with myself because several years ago I composed a kick-ass cover letter that I forgot to save and now can’t find the damn thing. Then again, the best that cover letter could do was land me where I am no, so why am I thinking it was any good? To make matters worse, I can’t really remember what I wrote and haven’t felt motivated to compose a new piece of literary excellence. Then I remember that in a little more than a year from now my one idiot boss will become my workplace’s idiot top guy in charge. Time to start typing.
No.
Nah.
Fuck no.
Oh hell yeah. Time to let the words flow.
6:30 p.m.
• So on Jim Rome's TV show today he was goofing on the Pirates for taking Matt Morris in a trade. We did? OK. Rome pretty much goofed on the Bucs for taking someone who gets paid a shitload of money. Just how much does he make?
Wow, that's sure a lot of money, especially for the Pirates. But I bet this Morris guy is really good.
Uh...
• And the Pirates were also a topic on "Around the Horn." Some player threw his bat 30 rows into the stands, or something like that. Daily double, baby.
• While I'm on the subject of ESPN, if anyone else watched yesterday's NFL Live, did Bonnie Bernstein really say Jerry Jones has just two Super Bowl wins during his Cowboys ownership tenure?
2 p.m.
• And now it's time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Erica is getting married to a guy who has already been married three times. After Dr. Laura yells at her for picking someone who already has three strikes, she asks the 33-year-old Erica if she has her tubes tied. Erica says that the lesser half is fixed, adding that she wouldn't want any kids because this guy is physically abusive. I have no idea what Erica is blubbering about now; something about how she can't find anyone better. God it must be great to have a spouse you can just beat on and control.
1 p.m.
• Since in the last few days we got to see what a commie Al Keiper is, I figured he would be in attendance for this night at the ballpark.
How insensitive. A team actually WON the game? I hope everyone at least got trophies when the teams went out for ice cream afterward.
10:45 a.m.
• A day or so ago I talked about this caller to Boortz who always relates everything to pot. I didn't know his name. He's on the air now: Dave from Montana. Right now he's talking about Boortz visiting the President yesterday and how it's not fair he doesn't get to visit the POTUS. Now he's talking about the border agents who are in jail that shot the Mexican drug dealer. Here it is ... if pot was legal, they officers wouldn't be in jail. Gotta love Dave.
7 a.m.
• So there is this mama deer and two fawns that hang out by the hillside next to where I work. I oftentimes see the fawns romping around, grazing and not bothering anyone, and it gives me a chance to zone out for a few minutes (not like I would anyway even without the outside entertainment). This morning I parked my car and saw the two fawns close to the road. A little too close. I tried shooing them away because, unlike many of my conservative brethren, I don’t get the whole killing animals for sport thing. I mean, that’s why we have black people, right? Anyway, I was also scanning around looking for the mama deer because I’ve heard stories of these animals freaking out whenever they think their babies are in danger. Considering I was carrying a lunch cooler, my briefcase/portfolio thingy and a gallon of green tea, I would be in some serious trouble if Mrs. Deer decided to give me a few hooves to the head. As I watched these two innocent animals graze, they looked up at me from time to time, and then I saw mama deer at the top of the hill. She would look at me every now and then but it seemed she was leaving her babies alone. As I started walking to my office, one of the fawns began following me. Across the street. Ugh. GET OFF THE STREET YOU STUPID ANIMAL! Fortunately, a car came by and spooked the fawns up the hill. However, for a brief second, from my line of sight, it looked like the car was gong to hit the fawn head-on. It wasn’t until after the car passed that I realized the fawn had gotten back on the grass. Jesus, how hard can it be to survive when your only necessity is to STAY ON THE GRASS?
The massacre of star running backs continues into Week 4. The league's leading rusher Earnest Byner was injured in the Redskins' loss to the previously winless Bengles and Tecmo legend Bo Jackson was also hurt in the Raiders' win over the winless Falcons. Barry Sanders did return to action this week after missing two games and rushed for 179 yards but the Lions still lost to the Colts. In other action the Steelers knocked the Eagles from the ranks of the unbeaten and the lowly Patriots picked up their first win with a stunning blowout of the Oilers.
Week 4 Scores
Miami 35, Green Bay 14
MIA: 3-1, GB: 1-3
-Miami Defense: 5 interceptions
Indianapolis 17, Detroit 14
IND: 2-2, DET: 2-2
-Jeff George: 207 yards passing
Dallas 24, Phoenix 7
DAL: 2-2, PHX: 0-4
-Troy Aikman: 220 yards passing
Kansas City 17, Seattle 7
KC: 2-2, SEA: 2-2
-Christian Okoye: 171 yards rushing
Chicago 42, N.Y. Jets 3
CHI: 2-2, NYJ: 1-3
-Ken O’Brien: 7% comp pct, 34 yards, 4 int
Buffalo 28, Tampa Bay 20
BUF: 4-0, TB: 0-4
-Jim Kelly: 196 yards passing
Pittsburgh 27, Philadelphia 10
PIT: 2-2, PHI: 3-1
-Bubby Brister: 213 yards passing
Cincinnati 21, Washington 14
CIN: 1-3, WAS: 2-2
-Earnest Byner: leaves injured
New England 35, Houston 17
NE: 1-3, HOU: 2-2
-Irving Fryar: 6 rec, 157 yards
N.Y. Giants 35, Cleveland 10
NYG: 3-1, CLE: 2-2
-Mark Ingram: 4 rec, 145 yards
Minnesota 24, New Orleans 16
MIN: 3-1, NO: 2-2
-Saints: 16 yards rushing
L.A. Raiders 27, Atlanta 20
RAI: 4-0, ATL: 0-4
-Bo Jackson: leaves injured
San Diego 23, Denver 14
SD: 3-1, DEN: 2-2
-Anthony Miller: 4 rec, 109 yards
San Francisco 35, L.A. Rams 21
SF: 2-2, RAM: 2-2
-Jerry Rice: 6 rec, 196 yards
Leaders thru Week 4
PASSING LEADERS
Rating
1. Phil Simms, 213.3
2. Dan Marino, 205.6
3. Randall Cunnigham, 196.8
Yards
1. Joe Montana, 1085
2. Bernie Kosar, 1037
3. Marino, 918
Touchdowns
1. Marino, 14
2t. Montana, 10
2t. Simms, 10
RECEIVING LEADERS
Receptions
1. Jerry Rice, 20
2t. Henry Ellard, 14
2t. Anthony Miller, 14
Yards
1. Rice, 560
2. Irving Fryar, 392
3. Ellard, 386
Touchdowns
1. Rice, 6
2t. Andre Rison, 5
2t. Mark Duper, 5
RUSHING LEADERS
Yards
1. Earnest Byner, 449
2. Christian Okoye, 360
3. Neal Anderson, 347
Touchdowns
1t. Tom Rathman, 5
1t. Anderson, 5
3. Many with 4
DEFENSIVE LEADERS
Interceptions
1. Many with 4
Sacks
1. Lawrence Taylor, 10
2t. Michael Cofer, 7
2t. Simon Fletcher, 7
SPECIAL TEAMS LEADERS
Field Goals: Jeff Jaeger, 6
Putning Avg: Mark Saxson, 53.1
Punt Return Avg: Terrance Mathis, 17.5
Kick Return Avg: Chris Warren, 24.0
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 15: Slayer
This poster really kills me. Get it? Kills me. Slayer. And who says I’ve given up on this countdown? Anyway, I’d have to say that Slayer is probably one of the truest libertarians at this place. He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state. Actually, Slayer frequents this place much in the same way I do – get in a thread, say your one-liner, queer up the place and get out. He, naturally, does this much better than I do, which is why I guess he always goes way deeper than me in those poster tournaments. Then again, maybe he just steals vote counts like the Bush War Machine did in 2000 and 2004. Oh INXS, how I’ve missed your lunacy.
7 p.m.
• So Shittsburgh has a little mini-crisis of its own due to the Michael Vick case. No, Willie Parker doesn't have any cockfighting rings in his house, unlike Kordell Stewart ... ba-da-bing! Anyway, I could tell you the story, but why bother when I can get someone else to do it for me.
It's a really sad day when a person gets invited onto an OPINION show, tells the actual truth of the situation and gets hounded by two media outlets, one of which is him employer. Is it any surprise that the Post-Gazette is a steaming pile of liberal PC shit? Paul Zeise can post a comment on KK' Korner any time he wants. I mean, it's not like he's nl-asshole or anything.
• You know, every time I watch Star Wars, I get more questions than answers. For example, how does Lando run a mining business when he's up there in the clouds? I think the fact I don't know this makes me glad because it shows what level of Star Wars geekdom I'm at.
• Normally I'd say something like "OMG ur tAx dollarz @ wurk!" over something like this.
But then I got to the next paragraph.
Heading to Chicago for some fun this weekend! I hope to be blogging away over there but who knows with hotel internet accommodations. Either way, look for plenty of pictures and stories coming next week, right here.
So I'm reading the next to last book in the Harry Potter series. Why I'm not sure, maybe it's just the massive pull of something that is a cultural phenomenon. I want to read the final book and I might as well read the book that leads up to it. It hasn't gotten up to a good start. I'm already annoyed with it. There's a line in the opening chapter about the Prime Minister of England meeting with the U.S. president. The president is referred to as a "wretched person". Great, and I have some 700 pages to go.
Today could be really historic in Major League Baseball as there is the possibility of three huge milestones being reached on the same day:
- Barroid ties Hank Aaron at 755
- Alex Rodriguez reaches 500 home runs faster than anyone in history
- Tom Glavine gets his 300th win
I won’t bore anybody with my opinion on Bonds and his pursuit of the record because, frankly, there isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said. He cheated, he knows it, we all know it…that’s it. No matter how disgraceful it might be, there will be no asterisk next to his name or any erasing of his statistics so getting too morally outraged over it seems pointless to me.
Instead, I’ll set my DVR to record the Giants/Dodgers game tonight because, as a baseball fan, I want to see history. The potential theatrics of Bonds not only finally tying Aaron but doing it in LA against the Dodgers where the crowd will be ridiculously hostile should be fantastic. I only wish the game didn’t start at 9:10 CDT tonight because, unless Bonds hits it in the first inning, I probably won’t get to see it live. You’d think that MLB would bump the start of the game up an hour so that a few more of their fans in the eastern and central parts of the country would get to see it, but the baseball powers that be aren’t known for making great decisions very often.
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Bill Walsh died yesterday. I didn’t really get into football until I was about 10 years old, so his great 49er teams were a little before my time but his impact on the NFL was tremendous. Not that I would have been a fan since ours was and is a Dallas Cowboys house, but I can’t deny how the game evolved because of him.
RIP Bill, but I’ll always wonder what would have happened if the Cowboys had had 30 more seconds in that 1982 NFC Championship game. They were at midfield and driving when time ran out as it was. 30 more seconds and I’m thinking they win and we don’t have to suffer through endless highlights of “The Catch” to this day…
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Finally, it looks like Kevin Garnett has been traded to the Celtics for a bunch of guys. The only NBA teams I pay any attention to are (in order) the Rockets, Spurs, and Mavericks so I have no idea if it’s a good trade or even who any of the players Minnesota got in return are. However, I hope it works out for Boston. I’ve always felt bad for Garnett because he’s been a great, selfless player stuck on some shitty teams in Minnesota for most of the last 12 years. I want to see him get another shot at winning big and, if this trade works out, he should have that shot. Good luck KG, and go Celtics.
8:30 p.m.
• So the better half returned the call of the matriarch of the test-tube welfare family and guess what Mrs. kkk was asked? If that abandoned house across the street from us was on the market.
Oh hell no.
Long story short. Many moons ago, the people who lived in that house died. The family of the deceased never wanted to sell it; however, they never bothered to keep up with maintenance. From what I heard, the furniture and shit is still in there. I’m sure it wouldn’t be a bad little house, but it’s going to need a good deal of work. That being said, there’s not fucking way I want those people living across the street from me. Mrs. Test Tube told the better half that she wants to move from the shithole of a house they bought two years ago and live somewhere in our school district, which is better than the one she’s at now. OK, if you wanted to live in a certain school district, when you already had two kids popped out from your snatch, WHY DID YOU PEOPLE BUY A HOUSE IN A DIFFERENT SCHOOL DISTRICT?!?! Jesus tap dancing Christ are these people pathetic. What’s funny is that if any houses are selling on my street they will be going for at least twice the amount of the house the test-tube welfare family currently live in – and these people can’t even keep up with their $300/month mortgage as-is. Not only that, but they will now have to sell the piece-of-shit house they are currently living in, and I bet they’ll be lucky to find a buyer, let alone try to break even on the sale. I swear to Christ I can’t stay around these people for more than five minutes without the urge to take a brick to the side of their collective heads.
2:30 p.m.
• So Drudge had the following link headline to an article about Chief Justice John Roberts' fall:
Now is the foam from his fall or because the High Court is going to be taking up some more affirmative action/gay marriage/abortion cases?
• So I've been hearing about this for a while now and just had to post this hilarity. You may have seen these ads pimping some government health-care program for "the children" called SCHIP (pronounced "chip" whenever I hear it).
Oh, no. And this from the state of DICK CHENEY~! How could anybody be against giving "the children" health-care coverage?
So does this mean if a 22-year old SCHIP recipient kills someone they could be tried as a youth?
1 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Well, it’s not really the call per se, but rather the flashback I got when hearing this guy ask if he did the right thing. Long story short: His aunt is a mega-bitch and neither he nor his soon-to-be better half talk to her. There was some other history, too, but I wasn’t paying that close attention. They decided not to invite the aunt. This pissed off the guy’s mom, who said she no longer wants to be part of the wedding party and does not want to be introduced as his mother. The guy said “OK.” He wanted to know if he was in the right. Both Dr. Laura and I agree that he was. However, what inspired me to write this couple of hundred words was that when it came time for my wedding RSVP guest cards to come trickling in two years ago, I was hoping for quite a few people to say they couldn’t make my special day where the chain around my ankle gets clamped down for good. This way, I had an reason never to deal with them again for the rest of my life. That’s why I don’t visit the test-tube welfare family that I’ve talked about in the past here. However, I still have to attend that Memorial Day outing because that aunt showed up. Sonofabitch. Oh well, at least I have an excuse to ignore my two cousins from my idiot mother’s side for my remaining days. Woo-hoo!
10 a.m.
• Just heard on the radio that Robin Roberts has breast cancer. I remember watching her and Bob Ley on ESPN's Sunday SportsCenter back in the early 1990s. She's moved onto a network morning anchoring gig, and, although she's a commie and part of the mainstreamliberalpress, I always had a soft spot for her when thinking back to my formative years and remembering her talk about the day's sports headlines. Thank God she doesn't have to talk about "Who's Now" or any of that other shit going on now at that place. The first thing that comes to mind when hearing Roberts' name is this annual report ESPN does every year about some college football player crippling some other player in the South and how the one athlete visits the other's grave each year. At the end of this report, Roberts was trying to hold back her tears, and was doing a poor job at it. Nothing to be ashamed over. The radio update said the cancer was detected early, so you go, girlfriend.
8:15 a.m.
• So I'm listening to Monday's Dennis Miller radio show, and at the end of the first hour this caller Bob from New York is calling Dennis a puppet for the RIGHT-WING and that he's getting paid by the usual suspects, etc. Dennis asks him why he's so angry, and Bob just starts bitching with the usual you-get-paid-by-Bush talking points. Bob calls again during the second hour and says Dennis can't tell how anyone can be "angry" by just a phone call, or something like that.
"I'm going to suggest, Dennis, that you do not have the abilty to infer how angry I or anybody is from the words they say..."
"Bob, bye-bye. You're the first caller I cut off in four months. You know why? You're an idiot. Don't call back."
Funny stuff.
The Bills didn't miss Thurman Thomas for long as he was already back in the line up as they dispatched Jets in easy fashion 31-14. They are one of only three unbeatens left after only three weeks along with the Raiders and Eagles. The Vikings starting quarteback Wade Wilson was knocked out in the second half of their game against the 49ers but back up Rich Gannon led them to a 4th quarter comeback and overtime win, sending the Niners to a dissapointing 1-2 start.
Week 3 Scores
Washington 35, Phoenix 17
WAS: 2-1, PHX: 0-3
-Earnest Byner: 199 yards rushing
Miami 42, Detroit 10
MIA: 2-1, DET: 2-1
-Dan Marino: 330 yards passing
Buffalo 31, N.Y. Jets 14
BUF: 3-0, NYJ: 1-2
-Thurman Thomas: returns from injury, 113 yards rushing
L.A. Raiders 24, Indianapolis 21
RAI: 3-0, IND: 1-2
-Mervyn Fernandez: 4 rec, 119 yards
San Diego 24, Atlanta 23
SD: 2-1, ATL: 0-3
-Billy Joe Tolliver: 157 yards passing
Philadelphia 28, Dallas 6
PHI: 3-0, DAL: 1-2
-Randall Cunnigham: 152 yards passing
Denver 28, Seattle 17
DEN: 2-1, SEA: 2-1
-Mark Jackson: 4 rec, 114 yards
Houston 21, Kansas City 17
HOU: 2-1, KC: 1-2
-Lorenzo White: 149 yards rushing
Cleveland 34, Cincinnati 31 OT
CLE: 2-1, CIN: 0-3
-Bernie Kosar: 321 yards passing
N.Y. Giants 33, Chicago 27 OT
NYG: 2-1, CHI: 1-2
-Phil Simms: 211 yards passing
Minnesota 27, San Francisco 24 OT
MIN: 2-1, SF: 1-2
-Anthony Carter: 5 rec, 164 yards
Green Bay 21, Tampa Bay 17
GB: 1-2, TB: 0-3
-Don Majkowski: 239 yards passing
New Orleans 35, L.A. Rams 14
NO: 2-1, RAM: 2-1
-Steve Walsh: 250 yards passing
Pittsburgh 27, New England 24
PIT: 1-2, NE: 0-3
-Merril Hoge: 125 yards rushing
Leaders thru Week 3
Passing Leaders
Rating: Dan Marino, 230.6
Yards: Bernie Kosar, 840
TD: Marino, 11
Receiving Leaders
Rec: Jerry Rice, 14
Yards: Rice, 364
TD: Many with 4
Rushing Leaders
Yards: Earnest Byner, 398
TD: Many with 4
Defensive Leaders
INT: Joey Browner; Barney Bussey, 4
Sacks: Many with 6
-I got to see "The Simpsons Movie" early, and yes, it is great. Reminiscent of the show in it's prime, with very few jokes/gags that fall flat, ton's of quotable lines ("I like men now!"), great animation, some good gags during the credits, Spider Pig, and much more. It's worth your money.
-I also saw "I Know Who Killed Me", and it's not as bad as some (particularly critics) are making out to be, but it's not good either. The acting is hit and miss (especially Lohan, who's performance goes from cringe worthy to pretty damn good several times), and it makes little if any sense logically. It's worth a matinee showing, or a rental on DVD. Since it tanked, I expect it to do better on DVD.
-Speaking of Lohan, I don't know what to make of her at this point. At one hand, I think she's an idiot, and should go to jail. On the other hand, I will admit it, I kinda feel bad for her.
-The "Red Band" trailer for Resident Evil: Extinction is up. I kinda liked the first one, but after the second one, I'm not holding my breath. It looks gorier than the previous ones. Oh, and yes, that is Ashanti.
-Finally, I went to a cookout recently. If you ask me, it's not a successful one unless there are these three things: Beer, Brauts, and BBQ. It didn't have the third one, but with the Beer and Brauts, it was worth it. Oh, and cheese fries. So I guess it was worth it.
8:45 p.m.
• Way to pick your battles there, son.
I don't blame Vick's sponsors one bit. Every minute they stay with Vick they are losing money by appearing to be supporting the Falcons quarterback. And Google makes this sort of thing way too easy.
• So here's number one in the celebs-die-in-threes game.
During the '95 GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN he said some things on his cBS show that pissed me off, so ever since then I said "fuck him." Same goes for that left-wing twat Peter Gammons.
Here's number two.
Peace out, dawg. Being from Shittsburgh, people from this area HATED the 49ers during the late 1980s because we knew they were going to catch up to our beloved Stiilers in Super Bowl wins. And you people thought my reasons for hating Gammons above were dumb.
So who will be number three?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!
3 p.m.
• So I decided to try making microwave popcorn in the office today. Yeah, I think you all know what’s coming next.
Microwave popcorn is like an art. Ever the Jew, I try to get the most bang for the buck with the unpopped kernels. However, there is a fine line between popping perfection and burning shit up. That’s why it’s important to know your microwave. This was the first time I used my office microwave for such a task, and this time the machine won. As the popping slowed down, I thought I could Jew a few more pieces out of this single-serving bag. As I hit stop I had a sense of dread, and when I opened up the bag my worst fears became reality. Too long. Fuck.
Now most of the popcorn was just fine. However, it takes just a few to stink up an office. Screw the office, it takes just a few to stink up an entire floor. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but none of you were here, so if I said the sprinkler system was unleashed how you know? Well, you probably would because this computer wouldn’t be working. Anyway, I went next door to inform my co-worker that the mighty “popcorn experiment” had failed and won’t be tried out again. Such a shame, really, but oh well. At least I haven’t burnt my soup … yet.
Speaking of burning, back in ’98 I worked at a kitchen-stuff store for a few weeks while it was going out of business. One afternoon I put something in the break-room microwave. I can’t remember what it was, but I do know that I severely underestimated the power of this heating beast and burnt the food all to shit. Sonofabitch. To make matters worse, I stunk up the break room. My bad. I didn’t step away from my mess, but at the same time there were way too many co-workers that took this to heart. I even got told that I “RUINED” a person’s entire day. Jesus Christ. I admitted I fucked up, and if someone would have said, “good going dumbshit,” I would have stretched out my arms and told them to keep the insults coming. But “ruining” someone’s day because of it? I think that says more about the other person than it does me.
• A note to TSM’s esteemed Mr. Keiper. Put this in your pro-invasion pipe and smoke it. Go Cobb County. Bossman would be proud.
I discovered this morning that the Nazi bastards in charge of our Internet firewalls here have suddenly decided to block YouTube. Sons of bitches.
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Local TV news legend Marvin Zindler died yesterday from inoperative pancreatic cancer. He’s best known nationally for being the reporter that led the drive to have the Chicken Ranch shut down back in the 70’s, but I’ll always have a soft spot for ol’ Marvin because of his weekly reports on which restaurants around town got busted for health code violations. My brother and I used to watch those with my grandpa when we were kids and would all shout his trademark “SLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME IN THE ICE MACHINE!” line along with him at the end of each one. Even now, as someone who rarely watches TV news (outside of local weather/traffic in the morning), I always tried to make sure and tune in for that just so I could hear Marvin deliver that line. Good times.
RIP, Marvin.
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Kroger has this promotion where they offer you $0.10 off per gallon of gas (for one fill-up) for every $100 worth of groceries/stuff you buy each month. So yesterday I went to do the weekly Sunday shopping where I pick up the things I need to put together the lunches I bring to work with me everyday. Upon handing me my receipt, the stupid kid running the register noticed that I had accumulated $94 of the next $100. Maybe I was just in a bad mood (likely, since my house was full of in-laws that had shown no signs of leaving any time soon) or he was just new at his first job and was a tad overeager, but this just irritated the hell out of me:
Him: "Look at that. You only need six more dollars to get ten cents off your gas purchase."
Me (indifferent): "Oh, yeah. How about that."
Him: "You want me to hold your spot in line so you can go get some more stuff?"
Me: "For what?"
Him: "So you can get to $100."
Me: "Why would I do that?"
Him: "So you can save money when you fill up!"
...
Him: "Don't you want to save 10 cents on your gas?"
Me: "Not if I have to buy $6 worth of crap I don't need to get it."
Him: "But you'll save WAY more than that when you fill up."
Me: "How? I only buy maybe 20 gallons each time I fill up. That's only like $2 saved; how does that get to $6?"
Him (thinking): "Hmm...I guess it doesn't."
Me (shoving receipt in pocket): "Nope. Can I go now?"
Him: "Have a nice day, sir."
At my workplace, I have the misfortune to have my desk (cubicle) near the break room. I get to hear the noises and conversations of everyone making lunch, whatever. Today I heard some lunkhead saying to someone "Don't drink from the tap! You should drink from the water fountain, the water in the fountain is treated!". Man, how did we get to the point in the US where people believe tap water is dangerous and/or unhealthy? Tap water is safe to drink and will not harm you. It is treated. Remember when the saying was "don't drink the water in Mexico"? They were talking about the tap water and it was because it wasn't treated, unlike the nice, safe water we have here in the USA. Nobody ever said "don't drink the water in Mexico...oh yeah and also don't drink it in the US either". Well, until now at least. For some reason, it has become the norm that you shouldn't drink form the tap, even though nothing has changed to make it less safe to drink.
In some instances, water from a water fountain will taste better, but it is no more safe. Taste is the reason you should drink from a water fountain or bottled water, not to avoid sickness. The bottled water you buy is from the tap, unless it says specifically that it is from a spring, such as Evian or Poland Springs. The bottling companies take the water from the tap and then do further treatments on it, mainly to improve taste and sometimes to introduce minerals and/or vitamins to the water.
Me and the Mrs went shopping for a cabinet thing for the basement, since we're moving the computer down there. We went to the frontgate outlet. Frontgate sells yuppie, expensive stuff for your home and patio. Right up my alley. We found a nice wood cabinet that had a chip in one of the corners and it had scratches from being a floor model and all, but it looked ok, especially for something that is going in the basement. This thing retailed for about $500-$600. We got it for $65.
8 p.m.
• So the baseball HOF ceremonies were this weekend, and one of my all-time favorite players, Tony Gwynn, got inducted. As a kid, there were a handful of baseball “heroes” I had during the 1980s. They were Gwynn, George Brett, Carlton Fisk and Fernando Valenzuela. That's all I got. Tony's the man.
• Oh I can’t wait to see how this shit gets enforced.
This part made me laugh.
• And speaking of enforcing laws, this shit blew my mind earlier this week.
So local governments aren’t allowed to take measures to stop the invasion and have to rely on the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? God help us all. Also, I have no clue what political party Hazleton's mayor is, but if he would run for governor I'd vote for him.
• It’s bad enough parents don’t have time for their kids, but now they don’t have time for dogs?
Actually, this isn’t such a bad idea. I’d rather have someone rent-a-pooch for a few hours each week than have them buy a dog only to take it to the pound a few months later when the owner discovers that canines like to do things like walk and poop outside. And, unlike children, I'm sure the dogs don't care where they end up each day as long as they associate "home" with the business' kennel.
• I’m sure you can make a variety of cock jokes with this one.
If only they had choked their chickens, those guys wouldn't be dressed like one.
Two weeks in, two injured star running backs. In 35-3 blowout win over the Steelers, the Bills last their superstar Thurman Thomas to injury. The Lions so far have survived without Barry Sanders getting off to a 2-0 start after nipping the Packers 14-13. The big game of the week was the Rams upsetting the defending Super Bowl champion Giants 23-20 in overtime, and the Rams are now 2-0.
Week 2 Results
Seattle 20, N.Y. Jets 14
SEA: 2-0, NJY: 1-1
-Tommy Kane: 4 rec, 131 yards
Detroit 14, Green Bay 13
DET: 2-0, GB: 0-2
-Rodney Peete: 167 yards passing
L.A. Raiders 28, Denver 24
RAI: 2-0, DEN: 1-1
-Bo Jackson: 117 yards rushing
Minnesota 28, Atlanta 24
MIN: 2-0, ATL: 0-2
-Steve Jordan: 4 rec, 106 yards
Houston 23, Cincinnati 21
HOU: 1-1, CIN: 0-2
-Curtis Duncan: 5 rec, 117 yards
Cleveland 31, New England 14
CLE: 1-1, NE: 0-2
-Bernie Kosar: 313 yards passing
New Orleans 27, Kansas City 24
NO: 1-1, KC: 1-1
-Steve Walsh: 220 yards passing
Miami 28, Indianapolis 21
MIA: 1-1, IND: 1-1
-Dan Marino: 193 yards passing
San Francisco 34, San Diego 14
SF: 1-1, SD: 1-1
-Jerry Rice: 7 rec, 144 yards
L.A. Rams 23, N.Y. Giants 20 OT
RAM: 2-0, NYG: 1-1
-Jim Everett: 176 yards passing
Buffalo 35, Pittsburgh 3
BUF: 2-0, PIT: 0-2
-Thurman Thomas injured
Philadelphia 23, Phoenix 17
PHI: 2-0, PHX: 0-2
-Heath Sherman: 4 rushes, 73 yards
Chicago 20, Tampa Bay 19
CHI: 1-1, TB: 0-2
-Neal Anderson: 96 yards rushing
Washington 31, Dallas 14
WAS: 1-1, DAL: 1-1
-Earnest Byner: 130 yards rushing
Leaders thru Week 2
Passing Leaders
Rating: Randall Cunnigham, 235.0
Yards: Bernie Kosar, 519
TD: Cunnigham, 7
Receiving Leaders
Rec: Jerry Rice, 10
Yards: Rice, 248
TD: Many with 3
Rushing Leaders
Yards: Earnest Byner, 199
TD: Many with 3
Defensive Leaders
INT: Many with 2
Sacks: Michael Cofer; Al Baker, 5
About four years out of Boredom I went on a binge of downloading roms to play old NES games. It was fun for a little while but playing on the keyboard got old fast. One of the games I downloaded of course was the favorite childhood video game of many men my age, Tecmo Super Bowl. A couple of weeks ago I finally had the itch again to play TSB but again playing on the keyboard just isn't nearly as fun as playing the original on the NES. So I decided for my next series of blog entires was to simulate a TSB season and track it here on my blog.
Yes I'm officially out of ideas.
Anyways I'll just be doing the quick simulation of each game. I thought about sitting through computer vs. computer games but that would take too damn long and get boring. Besides the computer can play really fucking stupid, like ignoring the wide open receiver streaking 50 yards down the field and throwing to tight end underneath who is covered. Maybe when I get to the playoffs I'll do that and add some screen captures.
For Week 1 the big game was obviously the rematch of the 1990 NFC Championship between the Giants and 49ers. Giants blew a 21-0 lead here in the 4th but prevailed in overtime 24-21. The big news of the week though is an upset win over the Redskins, the Lions lost Barry Sanders to injury. Randall Cunnigham, or better known as QB Eagles, went off against the Packers with 348 yards passing and 5 touchdowns.
Week 1 Scores
Seattle 27, New Orleans 21
-John L Williams: 5 catches, 121 yards
L.A. Rams 24, Phoenix 21 OT
-Henry Ellard: 5 catches, 147 yards
Philadelphia 38, Green Bay 24
-Randall Cunningham: 348 yards passing
San Diego 21, Pittsburgh 20
-Anthony Miller: 6 catches, 106 yards
N.Y. Jets 31, Tampa Bay 28 OT
-Jets: 176 yards rushing
N.Y. Giants 24, San Francisco 21 OT
-Phil Simms: 154 yards passing
Indianapolis 19, New England 14
-Steve Grogan: 16% comp pct, 46 yards
Denver 38, Cincinnati 14
-Bobby Humphrey: 14 rushes, 116 yards
Buffalo 24, Miami 21
-Thurman Thomas: 191 total yards
L.A. Raiders 30, Houston 21
-Oilers: 12 yards rushing
Detroit 17, Redskins 14
-Barry Sanders: 106 yards rushing, leaves injured
Dallas 24, Cleveland 10
-Jay Novacek: 4 catches, 102 yards
Minnesota 30, Chicago 17
-Wade Wilson: 204 yards passing
Kansas City 38, Atlanta 0
-Falcons: 64 total yards, 3 first downs
Leaders thru Week 1
As I get later into the season I'll add expanded leaders. I've never quite figured out what the hell formula Tecmo used for passing rating on the game as it is obviously not the standard NFL version.
Passing Leaders
Rating: Randall Cunnigham 302.0
Yards: Cunningham 348
TD: Cunnigham 5
Receiving Leaders
Receptions: Art Monk; Anthony Miller, 6
Yards: Henry Ellard; Fred Barnett, 147
TD: Many with 2
Rushing Leaders
Yards: Bobby Humphrey, 116
TD: Many with 2
Defensive Leaders
INT: Many with 2
Sacks: Richard Dent; Lawrence Taylor; Al Baker, 3
6 p.m.
• So I was playing around on IMDB and found this post in a thread titled "Things you learnt from watching this movie?" for the "Wolf Creek" message board. Well, it made me laugh. Oh, yeah. Spoilers and stuff.
10 a.m.
• Finally got around to seeing Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” That’s why you get for messing around with them white girls.
• Here is the conclusion to my 3 p.m. entry yesterday about that poem I wrote which got me in a heap of trouble in 11th grade. The class had to write a “senses” poem in a “question and answer” format. Basically, you had to write a line in the form of a question that dealt with one of the five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing. After each line you had to have a “yes” or “no” answer. After 10 lines of this shit you had to do a line in the form of a question and then the other in the form of an answer. Sounds stupid? You bet. I also found it funny that in a class called “creative writing” you had these draconian rules to follow whenever you wrote something, but I digress. Anyway, my hippie poem was about a couple walking on the beach, and I had stupid lines like,
“Will you look deep into my eyes while the moon reflects off the crashing waves?”
“Yes.”
…or some hippie shit like that. When I got to my last “sense” it dealt with the chick asking the guy if he’d hold her hand or something similar. Here’s how my last four lines went that got me in trouble. Remember, after this question and answer, I need to follow that up with another Q&A line.
“Will you hold my hand *blahblahblahhippieshit*.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have no arms.”
There you have it. When my classmate, who was as big a slacker as I was, asked to read my poem (I wasn’t allowed to read this in class), the teacher stormed over to him, grabbed the sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. Where’s the ACLU when you really need them?
I also had this woman for a public speaking class the year before, and that was some fun right there. There was one project where I was in a group of five and the assignment was this 20-minute panel debate over a topic of our choice. You needed two people on one side of the argument, two people on the other side and a moderator. Our group, which was made up of slackers just like me, picked “censorship.” My role was to be moderator. We had several class periods to work on this project, and all we did was sit there and bullshit. After a few days, we realized that we had nothing done so we worked on an “intro.” By “intro” I’m not talking about opening remarks. No. We were going to pretend this was a late-night talk show and we were thinking up ways to introduce the program. We were the last group to do our presentation, and the four-five groups before were made up of actual students who cared about their academic achievement. After the first day when the first two groups did their presentations, we suddenly realized we were in a world of shit. The day before our presentation, I frantically tried to make an outline of who was going to say what about our topic, which was about Free Speech Rights. On the morning of the big debate, we got ready for our intro, which we spent all of our class time preparing. And just what did we do?
*Person 1 turns off the lights to the room*
“Person 2 plays tape recorder with a voice saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Late Night with KKK.’ Suddenly the Looney Tunes theme comes on.”
*Persons 3 and 4 are across the room from each other and swirling flashlights around while theme plays.*
*Person 4 (me) moves up to the front. When the theme stops playing, Person 1 turns the lights back on and Person 2 plays the tape of crickets chirping.*
Judging from the look on our teacher’s face, this didn’t go over as well as we had hoped.
As bad as this was, our actual presentation was even worse. Instead of following the script of Person 1 on the pro-free speech side giving their spiel with Person 1 on the anti-free speech side retorting, it just a free-for-all. And with me as the moderator, I had no clue what the hell everybody was going to say next. Ironically, I had put the most work into this thing (which isn’t saying much mind you) and I got the worst grade out of the five of us. But that was nothing when compared to the next project. The same five of us had to do a “interrogation-type” project where each of us had to be a “prosecutor” and a “defendant” regarding another topic. This project’s topic was obscenity laws. The only thing I remember about this was one person grilling the other and the following ensued.
“Person A, you claim some cartoons today are ‘obscene.’”
“Yes.”
“What about the cartoons of generations before? Were they as bad?”
“No.”
“How about Walt Disney? Were they ‘obscene.’”
“No.”
“How about Donald Duck?”
“No.”
“Even though he has no pants?”
Yes, that was the HIGHLIGHT. After we were done, our teacher blasted us for at least 5 minutes about how we didn’t follow any of the rules of the assignment among other things. I don’t remember much of what she said because I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. But this incidents weren’t as memorable as the public speaking class I told while I was in college. Developing...
WOW. And here I thought the hottest feud on the Internet was kkk v. niskie...
Link
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My wife and I both had the day off yesterday so we went "rock climbing" at this place as the final piece of her birthday celebration (don't ask). She's climbed before, as there was a climbing wall at the YMCA camp she used to work at. Yesterday was the first time up such a wall for me though. It was fun, but I'm not sure I understand why anyone would partake in an activity where your main objective is to not die.
The good news is that I didn't fall and break my neck like I thought I might. In fact, other than getting "stuck" on the wall a couple of times (i.e. not being able to reach the next foot/hand grip) and having to come down and start over, my experience wasn't too humiliating.
Well, unless you count the time we had to yell for help because my shirt had come untucked from my harness just enough that it got itself wedged into the belaying device, rendering me unable to feed the rope back through (and leaving my wife dangling 50 feet in the air) or the time when the 9-year-old girl who was climbing next to me reached the top of the wall in about half the time it took me to do so as humiliating. If you count that as having a bad day, then I had a bad day.
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12 pages (out of 20) of that damned wedding album have been put together. There is hope yet...
