7:30 p.m.
• So Vanhalen shot me over a MSN Message earlier today. Now normally when I hear from him I try to get away as fast as I can. (Just kidding, Vanhalen. It’s that the better half always wants me to take out the trash or feed the cats right when you type “Hey man, how’s it going?”) But today I looked at the Web site he directed me to. Even though I never owned a NES, I have to say this was entertaining for the most part. My favorite part was the “Christmas” game reviews, particularly the second video talking about “Bible Buffet.” You know, for a company making CHRISTIAN games, they were ripping off quite a few other titles. Noah’s Ark 3D was my favorite of the lot.
2 p.m.
• For Ramones fans with OnDemand, if you head over to TV Entertainment/VH1/VH1 Classic, there’s a documentary about the group. They even include an “Up All Night” bit they did with Gilbert Gottfried. I don’t care what the haters say, that little Jew cracks me up.
• Why am I posting this?
So I can get to this.
I bet he did. Hey, if I can make fun of (alleged) child molesters in the Catholic church, I can here, too.
5 p.m.
• Regarding this whole Paris Hilton going back to jail thing.
What the hell is wrong with people? Jesus Christ.
OMG THE BILLIONARE HOTEL HEIRESS IS GETTING HER JUST DESSERTS JOHN EDWARDS USED HER IN A CAMPAIGN LINE NO MOM NO HELP ME I’M GOING TO HIT THE BUTTON 10000 TIMES IN JAIL BECAUSE I HAVE ANXIETY FROM BEING IN THE BIG HOUSE AND I’M COLD HUNGRY AND NOT ABLE TO WAX OMG OMG OMG OMG~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, by the way, much of our air traveling has been grinded to a halt. But wait a second, IT’S PARIS AND SHE’S IN SOME CAR DRIVING OFF TO JAIL WAIT THAT WAS A SWERVE SHE’S IN ANOTHER VEHICLE AND SHE’S IN NEED OF MEDICAL ATTENTION BECAUSE NOT BEING FREE MADE HER SICK AND THAT PARTY SHE THREW AFTER BEING BACK HOME WILL BE FOR NIL BECAUSE NOW SHE’S GOING BACK TO THE BIG HOUSE FOR REAL OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG~!
Please note I won’t be wearing any “Free Paris” gear anytime soon. She should just serve her time, shut her mouth and thank the deity upstairs that nobody was killed when she got shit-faced and decided to drive. However, the media coverage on this is more absurd than the actual story itself. Oh, and for those people saying only rich celebrities get away from jail time, meet my crack-whore sister-in-law. Not only has this woman been arrested numerous times, but even when she has outstanding warrants and gets picked up she still hasn’t spent time behind bars. One time this cop called my brother-in-law’s house asking for the crack-whore (she used her brother’s phone number for contact information on some document), and the brother-in-law said he would direct the cops to the shitty apartment she lives at and knock on the door for them. Nothing.
All that being said though, come on, Paris, using the “being hungry” line as an excuse to get out of jail? Surely you can come up with better material than that in a bid for your freedom.
1:15 p.m.
• The Amnesty bill looks to have been kicked to the curb, so the invasion has been postponed –– for now.
Well, actually, the illegals will still be pouring over the border, but at least now they won’t be giving voting rights/Social Security/etc. Oh who am I kidding? Many probably already are doing this. I’m sure this will bite me in the ass later, when a President Hitlery, along with a Commie Congress, approves an even WORSE illegal immigration bill in the next few years, but sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand.
• If you went over to read about Swift Terror stroking himself because he caught a RIGHT-WING RADIO guy in a gaffe, then you will understand this next entry. There’s a local guy in Shittsburgh named Quinn that I used to listen to. He used to be the guy I listened to until 8:30 a.m. before heading on-line to listen to Neal Boortz. However, the last few weeks I’ve been listening to archive editions of the Dennis Miller show. I must admit I’m digging this program. I’ve had a weird journey with Dennis. I LOVED his on SNL’s Weekend Update. His HBO show was OK. His opening bit was hit-or-miss, I didn’t really like the guest portion of the show, and my favorite segment was the end with him captioning images. I HATED him on Monday Night Football. When 9/11 took place and he turned into some hipster conservative, or whatever, I didn’t immediately beat off because he was saying, “Bush is the shizzle.” I gave his CNBC show a try, and I actually liked it; judging from the ratings, it seems I was the only one. There is one thing that influences my opinion of Miller, and that is we went to the same college (not at the same time mind you –– I’m not that old). The circle-jerking my alma mater did back in the mid-1990s was enough to make me vomit. Thankfully, I got the hell out of that shit hole right before NBC’s “Providence” hit it big; the lead actress on that show was a fellow alumni. Lord only knows how that place fawned all over her.
Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Quinn. About once every few weeks I would e-mail him from work while listening to his show to clarify a gaffe he or a caller committed. Generally it’s little stuff like the last time I shot him a message. The last time I had his show on some caller was bitching about something-or-other and brought up the rap group Public Enemy that released the song “Fuck the Police.” I, of course, e-mailed Quinn clarifying that caller’s remarks. The rap group that produced “Fuck the Police,” was N.W.A., not Public Enemy. I also let Quinn know the meaning of N.W.A. –– No Whites Allowed.
I’m just playing, any baller in the rap game knows it’s “Niggaz Wit’ Attitudes.” Word yo.
8:45 p.m.
• So a day or so again, Mark Madden was commenting on Gary Sheffield’s words that Michael Wilbon pops wood over. He pretty much goofed on Gary, and this prompted some black callers to phone in and call him a RACIST. It was a nice switch from the Steeler fanboys that normally a call with their stupid thoughts. However, one guy was a notch above the rest. He bitched that Mark said Gary got away with what he said because he was black (or some similar complaint – all the callers sounded alike) and that if a white person would say something similar they wouldn’t get in trouble either. Madden started goofing on him, and the caller backed up his point by using DON IMUS and JOHN ROCKER as examples of whites that “didn’t get in trouble.”
And I watched a recent “Outside the Lines” episode on ESPN about sports talk radio, which mentioned that the average listener is more educated than one would think.
8:15 p.m.
• Let’s see how I did with my NHL playoff picks. I’m using my selections from the playoff tree after I discovered the league re-seeds its picks every round.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders. Buffalo in 5.
Result: Sabers in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay. Devils in 5.
Result: Devils in 6.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers. Rangers in 6.
Result: Rangers in 4.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh. Senators in 7.
Result: Senators in 5.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary. Detroit in 5.
Result: Wings in 6.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota. Ducks in 6.
Result: Ducks in 5.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas. Stars in 6.
Result: Canucks in 7
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose. Predators in 7.
Result: Sharks in 5.
First Round: 6 for 8. Hey, seems like I somewhat know what I’m doing, especially if you ignore that 4/5 matchup in the West.
Second Round:
(1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5.
Result: Sabers in 6.
(4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6.
Result: Senators in 6.
(1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5.
Sorta-Result: Wings beat Sharks in 6.
(4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7.
Sorta-Result: Not even close.
Third Round.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5.
Result: Sabers Senators in 5.
(
4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7.
Sorta-Result: Ducks beat Wings in 6.
Stanley Cup.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6.
Not-even-close Result: Man, that’s some good shit I’m smoking.
3 p.m.
• Well the Ducks won the Stanley Cup –– quack quack. From what I little I know of the NHL, it appeared from the start that the Ducks were the better team, and by winning in five games it appeared that way. I’m a little surprised Ottawa didn’t win another game or two, considering how well they seemed to play in the other playoff rounds. At least the final game was a blow-out. I’d feel bad for that Senator player who put the puck into his own net; if the Sens would have lost by just one goal, that player would have had to endure a long summer. I watched last night’s game and the one thing that always pains me is seeing the losing team just sit there on the ice while their opponents rejoice. Imagine going through as many as 28 postseason games only to fall short of getting to smooch Lord Stanley. On the other end of the spectrum, I also feel bad for baseball players who grind through 162 games in six months only to get eliminated in a best-of-five series in a wild-card round. At least with football you only play 16 games, so dropping a stinker in the playoffs would seem more tolerable. Then again, I don’t strap on the pads and beat the hell out of myself all year going against 300-lb linemen or psycho linebackers, so what do I know.
Last year I made a remark that it was nice to see Glenn Wesley finally get to lift the Stanley Cup, and this year it was Teemu Selanne’s turn. I don’t know much about the guy, but I remember him with the Winnipeg Jets. Uh, yay and stuff. I hope the NHL can get back on the radar when it comes to the sporting world –– this sport is too fun to watch to be brushed aside. Like I said above, I don’t religiously follow the NHL as much as I did when I was younger, but if a game is on I’ll have it on, even if I don’t recognize the players’ names.
6:15 p.m.
• We got some more worst things you can do to a Muslim male/female/child. Across the pond, the Muslim Council of Britain announced its demands for banning "un-Islamic" activities in England's government schools.
The funniest thing about all this is that I wanted to single out each offense, but that would have overloaded my quote tag quota for this entry.
• You know, we got predatory lenders after old people, families taking out adjustable-rate mortgages for houses they can’t afford and act all shocked when their rates go up, and now college students unable to get decent loans for their higher learning expenses.
Maybe we are country made up of people too stupid to take care of ourselves. Lord knows we have enough registered Democrats.
• Regarding Danica Patrick’s push of that male driver.
I’ve never had a reason to say anything bad about you, but bitch you better be glad that you pushed him and not me. Great, now the PTI guys are like “Wow, this Danica/Whoever rumble is GREAT!” Yeah, too bad if the pusher and pushee roles were reversed, there would be OUTRAGE~! Hypocrites. Back in my college days, this annoying bitch gave me a push. Guess what? I pushed her back. She was SHOCKED and OFFENDED. Equal treatment my ass. I don't advocate beating the other sex but I do advocate equality.
6 p.m.
• The Michael Wilbon rimjobbing of Gary Sheffield continues today. “OMG a Latino player defended Gary in the Detroit Free Press Today/Gary Sheffield is my hero for speaking out against the Man.” You forgot to wipe some spooge from your chin there, Michael. I know he's your boy and all.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 23: Bored
He’s got a hard-on for win shares, and a fiending for punishment, seeing how he has organized a TSM pick ‘em college football contest for the last few years. I was in on this action last season and did fairly well, even though I had no clue as to what I was doing. (But when is that ever not the case?) In the end I wound up getting sodomized by Kotz in the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl – oh, yeah, and Kotz correctly predicted more games during Bowl Week than I did. I should be sad that I didn’t win the title, not to mention the $50 grand prize, but considering Division I college football has no postseaon and thus produces no real champion, I guess we are all winners in the end. Talk about a self-esteem boost.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Once again, the GOP has its head up the elephant’s ass.
You want this guy out? Do everything you can to keep him in Congress! Let him parade in front of the cameras saying he did no wrong even though he has thousands upon thousands of dollars stashed away in refrigerators. OMGCULTUREOFCORRUPTION~!
• So the better half’s one friend has a kid who said that he was going to “cut her up with his saw.” He’s four. I like this chap.
• Man, this brought back one heck of a memory.
When I was doing this “driving school” shit, I was picked up one day by the instructor and this chick from another school. As we turned out onto this one road at a three-way intersection, the chick ended up in the wrong lane with a big-rig coming right at us. For some reason, I dove to the other side of the back seat (like that would have accomplished anything) while the instructor grabbed the steering wheel and put us back on course. Years later, my one friend told me that this guy said to my friend’s class that I was the worst driver he ever instructed. Was my friend serious? I don’t know. But then again why would he make this up? (He said that the instructor's biggest peeve was that I never braked when approaching stoplights and stop signs, which is odd because I've got seniors flipping me off due to my slow driving and gradual braking.) Well, it’s been 15 years since I got my license and I’m still accident-free (there’s been a few bumps, but nothing has been reported to insurance). Fuck you, Mr. Ptchak. Actually, there was one accident, but when you’re parked at a gas station, and the Silverado in front of you doesn’t want to way two minutes for her turn to fill up and suddenly peels out in reverse and smashes into your in-law’s car, there’re really nothing you can do about that.
1 p.m.
• Scooter Libby got sentenced to 30 months.
Whatever. The whole story is stupid. Didn't follow it. Don't care. This got me thinking though –– I wonder what the big OUTRAGE will be when W. makes his end-of-term pardons? Will it be someone from Halliburton? Big Tobacco? Someone from the Weekly Standard? We only have 18 more months to wait.
• While I’m on the jailbird topic, I don’t have much to say about Paris Hilton and her hard time.
I’ve defended Paris on a number of occasions. No, I’m not hoping for a hummer in return for my loyalty –– I just don’t hate her like how other people do. She’s rich and a ditz. She made her fortune with goofy reality shows and made her fame with dirty videos. Although I doubt she can name her Congressional Representative, I’m sure she’s keener than most people think she is. However, I’m not going to say, “OMG she should be set free.” This jail term stems from her driving under the influence, and I only thank God for her sake that nobody was hurt in her recklessness.
8:30 p.m.
This is why I hate applying for jobs.
I get on-line and have to fill out some hippie application. Why in the hell does anyone want to know where I've lived for the past 10 years is beyond me, but I digress. I play this stupid game and spend nearly two hours filling out all this retarded shit. So what happens after I've completed all the forms/questions/etc.? The goddamn form doesn't submit! I should stop here and not mention that I printed out all this information before submitting so I don't have to re-hash all the places I've lived/worked since 1997, but that's not the point. Well, yes it is, considering I'll probably have to re-type all this shit in again.
6:30 p.m.
OK, now this is a bit creepy.
"Jug"?
6 p.m.
• If you’ve watched ESPN anytime in the last few days, chances are you’ve seen
I admit, the “grenade” toss made me laugh.
• I don’t know why anyone would rip on Gary Sheffield. I agree with him wholeheartedly.
If American businesses want to hire illegals because they work hard and don’t bitch, then why should it be any different in baseball? LOL, and Michael Wilbon is defending Gary on PTI just as I’m typing this. Now that’s a shocker.
• Roger Clemens is not pitching tonight due to a sleepy groin, and I heard on the radio today that he will possibly start later this week against the Pirates. Great move, Yankees. Let the Rocket tune up one more time with a minor-league team before facing professional lineups.
Actually, I shouldn’t be too hard on the Pirates. They have the same win total as the Bronx Bombers. Sadly enough, last week a local newspaper ran this story:
7 a.m.
• So Billy Donovan is going back to the University of Florida.
I guess it's better than deciding not wanting to coach professional ball after game number 42 of next year's NBA regular season.
11 a.m.
• So late last week I was watching a “locked up” shows on MSNBC – you know, those “life in the big house” documentaries. I could only watch about 10 minutes of this one episode before changing the channel in disgust. Here’s why.
We learned the story of some young man who had been originally slated to get the needle, but then the Supreme Court made their judgment about not allowing executions if the murderer was of minor age. OK, fair enough. You may agree with this or not, and some say that life in jail may be a better punishment anyway. What was the problem? The narrator added that this guy had lawyers trying to get this piece of shit out of jail.
And the ACLU and its America-hating comrades wonder why many people endorse the death penalty. If we want to off prisoners, let the private sector handle it – give Bubba a carton of Camels to shank the guy that murdered your family.
11:45 p.m.
• Every month or so I'll browse my OnDemand free movies just to see what's going on. For some reason the "Movieplex" selections don't always appear in the general "free movies" area, and oftentimes I'll forget it's even there. Today I remembered to check it, and lo' and behold what's on the plate for this month? The first five James Bond films. Tis' going to be a good month, tater.
• Uh, guys...
...you might want to think twice about striking. The space program doesn't have that same "oooh, ahhh" effect on the public as it did 40 years ago. Then again, this is the government we're talking about. Five-hundred percent raises for all.
3:45 p.m.
• Oh Karl Rove, why couldn't you have sped this up a bit? We might still be in charge of Congress otherwise.
I don’t get the big whoop terrorists have with airplanes. Why not strike an electrical grid or mess with out food supply? Believe me, you’d frighten many more people if they can’t use their air conditioner or go out for a Big Mac.
7:15 p.m.
• I missed "Around the Horn" yesterday, so today was the first I heard of JA Adande leaving the LA Times. In his final column, he talks about accepting a buyout offer. I guess that's better than showing up for work one day only to find an abandoned building. I like him on the "Horn," so here's hoping he moves on to bigger and better things when he's not working 5-5:30 p.m. ET.
7 p.m.
• I heard about this a few days ago on a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show, and even though that final episode would have been a bitch for the people that didn’t get awarded the kidney, this could have been a good idea.
Let me explain. By telling the stories behind those people who need a transplant to survive in a compelling manner, I think this could encourage people to donate. Of course, then there will be an episode showing my crack-whore sister-in-law wailing about needed a liver transplant due to years of drug abuse.
Oh, speaking of her, the out-of-control niece has been living with her mother, the crack-whore, for a few weeks now and has already been kicked out. The best story to come out of this time was when the crack-whore took her daughter’s work clothes to the laundromat because her 20-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER wouldn’t. And what was the crack-whore’s reward for doing this? The daughter/out-of-control niece in-law bitched because she didn’t iron her outfits after washing them.
12 p.m.
• Good for LeBron.
Now maybe people will shut up about the first two games of this series. I’m all on James’ nuts. I admit it.
• Speaking of basketball, the Florida U coach is going to Orlando.
I don’t know, nor care, if he succeeds in the NBA or not. At least he’s going to a young team, or at least that’s what I heard about the Magic when they were getting beat by Detroit in the first round. If it was me, I’d probably stay at my safe, well-paying job and lounge off of my spoils of winning two college titles. Then again, this was probably the best time for Donovan to strike while the iron is hot, so more power to him, even though the article also stated that it was likely that Florida would have given him a similar raise.
8 p.m.
• This was an article about how we pamper out pets. It’s a long read, so I’m just highlighting all the things I admit to doing. Because I get a limited number of “quote” uses per entry, the article snippets will be in boldface.
Some 56 percent of dog owners and 42 percent of cat owners buy their pets Christmas presents.
*Raises hand.*
I should note that I don’t actually buy the toys, Mrs. kkk does. But I’ll cop to it anyway.
]Pets can listen to their own Internet radio station (Elvis Presley’s “Hound Dog” is one of the more popular songs on DogCatRadio.com), post their pictures and make play dates on dogster.com and catster.com, and earn frequent flier miles on United. They even have cell phones now: PetsCell is a bone-shaped telephone that attaches to your dog’s collar and allows you to ring him up (sorry, incoming calls only). And there’s a new beer for dogs (from Amsterdam, no less), called Kwispelbier, which is Dutch for “waggy tail” brew.
OK, so all I do is post pics of the kids on-line. None of that other stuff.
The recent scare over tainted pet food has made feeding your animal a pricey proposition: I’ve switched Samantha to “holistic” kibble and wet food, hormone-free chicken strips and handmade cookies from a local dog bakery, along with the occasional whole-roasted chicken that we share for dinner.
Well, my three have special food, but Max needs his diet because of urinary problems. The other two get better food than Meow Mix and Friskies, but because this stuff has less filler they don’t eat as much, so I’m sure costs get evened out in the end.
But is all this coddling for our pets, or is it for us? A growing number of animal behaviorists, researchers and trainers think we’ve gone off the deep end, anthropomorphizing and infantilizing our pets to the point that we’ve forgotten an essential biological truth: at the level of basic instinct, Tabby is a wildcat and Fido is a wolf.
Yeah, look at these two.
Wildcats indeed (although I’m sure Dessa wouldn’t mind killing a bird. She’s lunged at a few before when out on the porch.)
Understand this, the experts say, and you will comprehend such mysteries of the universe as why your cat prefers to sharpen its nails on your favorite sofa and your dog insists on rolling in manure after getting a bath. Ignore the call of the wild in your pet, and you not only diminish the quality of its life; you open yourself to all sorts of bad behavior, from the merely annoying (your cat pees on the bed) to the potentially deadly (snarling pit bulls).
Well no shit. I hate people who bitch about their cats scratching furniture. What do you want them to do? Our two couches have been ruined for years. Big deal. That’s what happens when you own cats. Christ, if your kid runs around the house and knock something over you don’t break his legs. If your niece picks up something she shouldn’t have and drops it, you don’t chop off her fingertips. Why should animals be any different?
When it comes to the animals that share our homes and even our beds (63 percent of cat owners and 42 percent of dog owners sleep with their pets, according to the APPMA), we humans tend to have a tough time accepting biological reality.
Our cats, particularly Dessa, sleep with us, but I think she does it to stay away from the other two in the house. Its not like we call her – she just hops up, makes a nest and lays down.
Much of what we consider “bad” behavior is merely a pet’s acting out its basic needs. “People see the cat scratching on their beautiful couch, and they don’t want me to tell them it’s a normal behavior,” says feline behavior consultant Pam Johnson-Bennett, author of the book “Hiss and Tell: True Stories from the Files of a Cat Shrink.” “But you have to realize that scratching is a need a cat has. It’s rooted in their survival.” The trick, then, isn’t to get the cat to stop scratching, but to make it scratch something you don’t value. Johnson-Bennett suggests a scratching post wrapped with sisal or rope—she says the carpeted kind don’t allow the cat to dig its nails in deep enough to be satisfying. She’s also big on “cat trees”: a series of perches that allow felines to climb and leap as they would in the wild.
Doesn’t work. Buy them a $100+ play set to climb on and they’ll sit in the box it came in for weeks on end, not even acknowledging the feline jungle gym in the corner of the room. Years ago the better half built one of these godawful concoctions and NOBODY got near it. That was until we tore it down and suddenly the broken-down pieces became instant hits, much to Mrs. kkk’s chagrin.
Indeed, veterinarians say obesity is the greatest health threat facing America’s pets, with at least a quarter of the population overweight (that compares with a 30 percent obesity rate in American adults). Most pet owners don’t realize that when a pet is the correct weight, you can feel the outline of its ribs. “We’re so used to seeing overweight cats that when we see a healthy one, we think it’s too skinny.”
Eh, my opinion is there are enough starving kitties out there. If my three have a few pleasure pounds, I don’t really care. That’s why they get the special diet.
What can’t be bred out of dogs is the trait that makes them bond so well with humans: the pack instinct. What we call “loyalty” in our dogs may actually be a result of the wolf’s nature as a pack animal: the bonding and sociality that keep a wolf pack together are what drive the domesticated dog to stick with its owner. “The family unit here just happens to be cross-species,” says Samuel Gosling, a psychologist at University of Texas, Austin, who specializes in canine research. The fact that wolves are pack animals and wildcats aren’t may help explain why we perceive dogs as loving and needy, and cats as independent and aloof.
Interesting. I didn’t think about that.
7:30 p.m.
• Fucking asshole.
Whoever pulled that shit should be rounded up and beat to death. I take the Fort Pitt tunnels to and from work, and I also go through the Squirrel Hill tunnels if I'm not picking up the better half from her job. I leave at 3 p.m. so I missed all this action (or lack of action due to the tunnel closings). I can't imagine what the back-ups must have been like.
12 p.m.
• No wonder the Left loves Hugo Chavez. (LOL regarding the Carter Center.)
Once Hitlerly gets elected President, along with a Democrat Congress and Senate, in '08, say goodbye to RIGHT-WING RADIO!
7:45 p.m.
• There is justice in the world.
I consider myself to be a don’t-do-the-crime-if-you-can’t-do-the-time type of person, but with all the shit that has gone down over the past year for these people the least Duke can do is let them re-do a season. Then again, after how the Duke team got thrown under the bus, I’m surprised anyone from that team is still around at that university.
• Best Buy employees, be on alert. There will be retaliation from the reds.
• Awesome. So the U.S. is spreading cancer to Asia. And who says we don’t export anything over there?
• I guess not everybody learned the lesson the XFL provided us earlier this decade.
8:45 a.m.
• And here I thought Anakin's problem was being p-whipped.
8:45 p.m.
• I actually endorse a person's "right" to die.
Look, if you lived a long life and suffering from terminal cancer and want to exit stage left early a little early, then so be it. Now if you are 30something, "depressed" and want to end it all, then go ahead. It'll save me from having to hear you bitch about how much life sucks.
• So how does one pass through the screening process in order to get into an Aussie gay bar: dress nice, look thin, fuck the bouncer?
12:15 p.m.
• I hope these assholes get caught just so I can hear them and their ACLU lawyers say they were within their First Amendment rights. Hopefully someone will then try to see if putting two in each of thier skulls is within his (or her) Second Amendment rights.
11:15 p.m.
• I just saw some special on the History Channel concerning Star Wars. I’m surprised they lasted 90 minutes before talking about the “If you’re not with me then you’re against me” line with a similar phrase a very powerful head of State used back in 2001. However, my WTF moment came at the very end with NANCY PELOSI talking about how we all need to come together, or some other gag-worthy line. I couldn’t clearly hear what she said because I was too busy yelling, “Oh what the fuck is this shit?” Now one can say, “But kkk they also had Newt Gingrich on doing commentary. Yes, however, like him or not, Newt is an historian. Besides, there were plenty of commie commentators *cough*Dan Rather*cough*. Although it was weird to see Steven Colbert acting like his normal self. Actually, I was surprised there weren’t more “Bush=Palpatine” references. Such a pity, considering Palpatine’s my freakin’ hero.
• Regarding the Memorial Day event. It was what it was. And next year I’m steering clear from the hot dogs. I can’t wait to experience the mess they will provide once I shit these lips and assholes out. And regarding Macys: one meat tenderizer, some automatic scrubber thingy and two pillows. The light thingys were not recommended by the cashier, who said her father got them and claimed they were pieces of shit. Now that’s customer service.
10:30 a.m.
• Well today is going to be a real two-fer for me. First I have to head over to the white trash family Memorial Day picnic so I can see what my tax dollars are paying for in regards to the newsest home improvements at my aunt-in-law’s house. Oh why did she have to come to my wedding? If she didn’t, I would have a lifetime excuse for not going to this thing. Last year we played some Bingo-type game, and I spelled out “Help Me” with my chips. If you’ve seen those “Blue Collar” movies, you might remember Foxworthy doing a bit about going to family reunions – well, this is my chance to tell the better half on the way home, “that little one ain’t right.” And it’s true. That little one from the one family isn’t right. And there's another family that attends this function and appears somewhat normal. Well, this past year Mrs. kkk found out that the wife has been cheating on her husband for years and tried to get the matriarch of this sterile Mexican household to take part in a three-some with them. But if this isn’t bad enough (and it's awfully hard to top that visual of a three-way), I have to go to another place I almost hate going to as much as I do family cookouts.
Macy's.
Seriously, who shops at this place; have you seen their prices? I’m the first one to admit I’m a cheap bastard, but stop into your nearest Macy's and decide for yourself if you’d spend any of your money at this place. Why do I have to go here? Two years ago my idiot mother bought some lingerie for the better half as a wedding present. Uh, mom, Mrs. kkk and I have fucked before getting hitched. There’s nothing new there. I’m not a lingerie person. What’s the point? OK, so you’re wearing some naughty silk thingy. Now take it off. Big deal. Well, the better half didn’t want this gift either – she said it had something to do with my mom buying sex-related gifts for her. Works for me. So we went to return it and found out that this stuff cost one hundred twenty dollars!
Anyway, we got the gift card and was informed that we would have until 5/31/07 to use it. Well, 5/31 is quickly approaching and we still have $50-60 left on it. So far this year whenever there has been a sales event (New Year’s, Presidents Day, Easter, etc.) we would include Macy's on our list of stores to visit. Problem is, I’m looking for somewhat decent buys, and Macy's, well, lacks this aspect of shopping – at least for the kkk household. The last time we bought shit at this place, we purchased, all on sale, a quesadilla maker, some pans and this magnet that shows a bunch of measurement conversions. Please note that when I say “on sale” this means “regular price at Target.” So what will be purchased in this last desperate attempt to redeem my idiot mother’s wedding gift from almost two years ago? Well, those Quik Brite LED Lights are on sale for $15 (notice that on Amazon they are $12). That’s a start.
6 p.m.
• 14-10 Pirates. I was right (see 1:30 p.m. entry).
• You may have already
already, but I don't care. I saw it for the first time today.
1:30 p.m.
• So I was flipping in-between the Braves and Reds games this afternoon, and just watched the unfortunate Reds pitcher give up 5 in the first to the Pirates and left the game with runners on first and second base with still NOBODY out. Ouch. Speaking of baseball, my MVP franchise is somewhere in mid-May, and when I played my A and MLB games this past week (both were on the same “day,” according to the calendar) I hit a grand slam in each contest. Never hit one before in any league, so to do so twice was weird. I hear cheering. Guess the Reds got someone out. I just heard Zach Duke is pitching for Shittsburgh. Cincinnati’s still in this one.
8 a.m.
• Uh, checkmate?
But that bad joke isn't the reason I posted this story.
"Tortuing them to death"? Oh boo-hoo you fucking commie.
Perhaps if the condemned wasn't a drug user, then the State could find a worthwhile vein to penetrate. Like I said before, I’m not always a fan of capital punishment, but that’s not because I feel bad for blacks/Latinos/the poor/etc. being given the needle. You can’t take back an completed death penalty. All it takes is one lying witness or DNA test to set someone convicted free. However, if you are filmed robbing a store and shooting the clerk, seen on camera trying to end the life of a police officer that pulled you over for a busted taillight, then you die. No questions asked. No 20,000 appeals. No cell with Internet access. No trying to figure out why you did what you did. You die.
Oh yeah, back to solving the crisis of torturing prisoners to death. You don’t have to spend 20 minutes finding a vein when you put a gun in a person’s mouth.
9 p.m.
• Movie spoilers ahead – you’ve been warned so don’t bitch.
So I was flipping through the channels today and came across the conclusion of one of the worst movies I ever spent more than five minutes watching: Mr. Magoo. Holy Christ was this one piece of shit, and the sad thing is when this appeared in the theaters it actually SOLD OUT several times during my stint as a cinema employee. Later on I caught the tail end of Sniper. It was OK for what it was – I’ve seen worse. Much worse. This prompted me to keep the television on Spike in order to watch Sniper 2, which was on afterward. Of course, the ADD in me flipped channels after they shot some guy. OK, so I lied – I was also watching the Cubs/Dodgers game and FAUX News Watchlol2007. They may have explained this at the start of Sniper 2 when Tom Berenger was leading some rednecks on a deer-hunting expedition, but I would have missed the dialogue: how did they explain Tom being able to fire a gun when his trigger finger got lopped off in the previous movie?
• Lindsay Lohan got drunk and wrecked her car, allegedly. I'm not going to link the story because I don't care. However, what I will post is the picture used in the article.
Do we have a match?
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 24: Teke184/cop/whoever
Now some of you may be wondering why the 2005 Lucky Strikes Cigarettes Tar Bowl Champion is on my list – wasn’t he the one who banned Frigid over the infamous “sniper” remark that in turn triggered a shitstorm the likes of which has rarely been equaled at this place? To this I say, “yeah, and so what?” If Teke didn’t ban Frigid that whole thread, not to mention the others that spawned from it, wouldn't have been as entertaining as they were. Besides, it’s not like the other two points in this love triangle aren’t being represented. Slapnuts is on this list, as is Frigid, who went on to cause havoc with an entirely separate message board. Besides, teke can also find me entertaining at times … wait a second, that was tekecop. Are they the same? I don’t know. Either way, both names begin with “teke,” so that’s close enough for me. He also helped a brotha out in a previous kkk Bowl season and lets us know of Michael Vick’s Doggie-gate scandal with frequent updates over at the other place. And believe me, if there’s one thing I want to know about it’s how someone is pissing away his God-given athletic fortune just to see a few bitches go at it.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
5:15 p.m.
• OK, so for this past week on Jim Rome’s ESPN show he’s had some guy from Chicago and this black chick on his panel, and I’ve been digging this pair, especially the latter one. Something that turns me off about people that get on these shows is that they look like they don’t want to be there. This chick is an exception to this rule. But then we got to today with the Marvin Lewis “the cops are profiling my team” story. During this topic she brings up the “the Cincy po-pos have killed 15 black men since 1995."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
OK, people, for those that haven’t lived in the southwestern Ohio region, let me fill you in on something. Whenever you hear this “15 black men killed by the PO-lice since 1995,” let me fill you in on a little secret.
Pity, and I liked her, too.
12 p.m.
• Too bad pops wasn't with his lush son driving from bar to bar. Now I see where Joshy got his sense of personal responsibility from.
10 a.m.
• This morning I was thumbing through some old newspapers at work in search for print ads whose ideas I can steal pay homage to when I create ads of my own. Recently, my local newspaper printed its “best of” businesses for the year – you know, “best steaks,” “best hospital,” etc. Well, the winner of “best vet” was this asshole who we originally took our three cats to until Shadow got sick and we found out this guy had no idea what he was doing. When I informed the better half via e-mail this morning about this, she responded by saying…
Yeah, she’ll be fuming over this one for the next day or two.
• While on the subject of work, I have to tell this story. About a week ago my idiot boss was talking about something or other, and he said to me that “we must bend over backwards for our customers.” Now just hearing these words come out of his mouth is funny enough, but yesterday the real punch line arrived.
Long story short. In our organization’s most recent publication, I created an ad for some yearlong promotion. Customers started receiving the publication on Wednesday and yesterday someone actually called in to inquire about said ad. This is what the ad tells you to do, after all. When my idiot boss was told by one of his secretaries (we are all his secretaries) that someone had questions about this promotion, he told the secretary to tell the caller that more information will be mailed out in a mass mailing that he hasn’t even planned yet and will take at least two weeks to complete. Bend over backwards indeed.
10 p.m.
• So I get the following subject line in my e-mail inbox.
You know I just have to click on this one. I do and get the following.
I'm guessing the Christian way of getting out of debt does not involve acting in gay pornos.
7 p.m.
• Yeah, shut down your pumps to show up Big Oil. Great idea.
This part I love.
Well, if you can't afford to fill your SUV up with go juice, then maybe you shouldn't have purchased the SUV. If I had a choice to pay $1/gallon or $3/gallon for gas, I'd glady take the former, but I just love all the whining people do when the price of fuel goes up. OMG I CAN'T GO ON VACATION NOW THX A LOT GEORGE W. BUSH. Want to point out that prices will go up due to the cost of gas increasing? I'm with you. But for people that have problems with their budget due to having to pay a few extra dollars per week for gas? You folks had problems way before the annual summer price spike. (For the record, whenever gas goes up by $1, that usually means the kkk household has to pay $10/week at the pump. Yet somehow we manage to go on living.)
5 p.m.
• I finally got around to watching that clip of LeBron James passing the ball to a teammate instead of trying to make the shot. James did the right thing, I don't care what anybody says.
10 a.m.
• It's a shame that a certain movie wasn't released a year or so later than it actually was. If so, and the film was shown in theaters after this story broke, the producers could have used the line, "based on a true story."
8:30 p.m.
• So the fat dyke is mad because the Republican on the show wouldn't defend her blathering?
I care more about making sure all the stool from my browneye is wiped off after taking a crap than I do about anything that goes on the "View," but this is hilarious. Maybe that Hasselbeck chick thinks you are a fucking loon and thus doesn't care what the RIGHT-WING pundits on cable news shows have to say about you. Now I have to go yell at EricMM for not defending me when Jobber of the Week called me a fucking idiot because I said that driving SUVs to the grocery store was great for the environment.
1:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This guy named Pablo gets on the air with his wife and tells the following story. They went to some event that was work-related and went to a bar afterward with some of his co-workers. His wife can’t find him for an hour, and when she finally sees Pablo, he’s with some chick who gives him a hug and kiss on the cheek. Pablo says this lady is a client of one of his co-workers, and although he has a clear recollection of that night’s events he can’t remember why she hugged/kissed him and what he was doing for that hour when he was M.I.A. He also doesn't understand why his wife, the mother of his kid, is upset. Oh, Pablo.
8:30 a.m.
• And to think the Steelers don't even hire cheeleaders.
7 a.m.
• Uh … OMGWESTCOASTBIAS~?
Don’t care. I know Boston tanked their games at the end to get a better chance at the draft's top pick, so payback’s a bitch (not sure how Memphis, Portland and Seattle played down the home stretch). Who do I take: Oden or Durant. Christ, I don’t know. I don’t watch college basketball unless it’s in late March, I hope everyone that gets drafted makes lots of money. So there.
• I watched the first period of the Wings/Ducks game last night, and wow were there quite a few empty seats, much like there was back in Game 4. I remember a while Bill Plaschke said on Around the Horn that the L.A. Times were no longer assigning someone to a Anaheim Ducks beat, and now I understand why.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way. It’s been a while since I chatted with the tyke, but the one thing I will always remember was the time he asked me for help on an assignment. He had to do some weekly hippie “current events” assignment, where, if memory serves, he had to take a current event and compare it to something that happened a while before that. Asking me for schoolwork help – you know a person doesn’t give a shit about his grade when this transpires. After a quick search of the news wires, I told him why not compare the Berlin Wall to the wall that the Jews were building at the time to keep out those pesky Muslims. He liked the idea and went with it – too bad he wasn’t doing an assignment about the U.S. building a wall to keep out Mexicans. Oh, and he likes them white, err, non-black girls, too. Well, except for one, anyway.
3 p.m.
• Swift Terror stole a bit of my thunder regarding some of the media’s comments about LeBron James and his late-game decisions on whether to take the final shot or pass it off to an open teammate. I didn’t watch last night’s Cavs/Pistons game. Well, actually, I turned on the game at halftime, saw the stats, noticed the Cavs were ahead in some key categories like offensive rebounds and points off turnovers and thought “are they in the lead?” I then saw that Cleveland was up by six points. I then watched Detroit score the next seven points at the start of the third quarter and turned off the television.
This morning I had on ESPN’s Mike and Mike on, and the show's skinny Jew was ragging on James for passing it off to other teammates in the game’s final seconds. The first thought that came into my head was Game 6 of the ’93 NBA finals when Jordan dished it off to a wide-open John Paxon for the series-clinching three-pointer (I forgot about Kerr's shot). I haven’t seen the game footage yet from James’ “moment of truth,” but at this time I’m siding with LeBron. If he had taken the shot and missed, or got to the free-throw line and didn’t make both shots, he’d be criticized for A) choking, or B) not passing it to an open teammate. You can make an argument about James not playing better when the game is on the line, but I’m not going to fault him for passing off to teammates who are set and ready to make an open shot.
Even though I listen to Jim Rome’s show and watch his television show (though not on an everyday basis), I had to tune into his third hour and laugh when I heard him defend his take on this subject and include that “well Michael wouldn’t have passed it to Paxon from 23 feet away” and that “Steve Kerr isn’t Donell Marshall.”
• Time for more PETA fun.
You know, I actually agree with PETA on this one. Forget that fact that the article said “Mike (the now deceased tiger) was moved last year into a $3 million home, complete with a bathing pool and waterfall, that offered 15,000 square feet of living space.” I say let the next Mike roam free. Let’s drop him off, at, say, 501 Front Street in Norfolk, Va. Also, let's not feed him before being released, thus allowing Mikey II to experience the thrill of hunting for his food. Then again, exactly how much sustenance can a big kitty get by munching on hippie vegans? Guess that means he’ll have to kill a few more. That’s a shame.
9 a.m.
• Boortz just had a great line regarding Michael Vick and his dog-fighting troubles.
I wonder if the Georgia Dome will be playing "Who Let The Dogs Out" at Falcon home games this year. I'm sure this will be a popular tune on the road. Here's the story if you're not up-to-date on this, or if you don't read Teke's "Vick Updates" at the other place.
6:15 p.m.
• Since Smues is talking about perv teachers from back in the day, I felt inspired to tell my story regarding this subject.
I almost failed eighth grade because…
I was an only child.
I had divorced parents.
They were passing a black kid instead of me – damn affirmative action.
Rap music told me school was for bustas.
My government school didn't provide me with an adequate learning environment.
...I was a lazy piece of shit that played video games all day instead of studying (you can't just beat "Ghouls 'n Ghosts" on the first try).
One of the classes I failed was science. I’ve always hated this subject, but this year was especially bad because I hated my teacher. The guy’s name was Mr. Kuniak, and he was one of those “cool” teachers. Or at least he was “cool” with the jocks and cheerleaders and all those other tools that did things like homework and reading from textbooks. Conformists. Anyway, every quarter we got these progress reports called “green sheets.” Generally, the dreaded progress report was sent out in subjects you were failing midway through a grading period, but Mr. Kuniak gave everyone a green sheet that had to be signed by a parent. Of course, while everyone was taking home sheets of paper reading “Johhny is getting 105 percent in my class,” I was failing, and failing bad. These sheets also had to be turned back in within a few days. Of course, I just kept mine and didn’t bother to get it signed or turned in. After a few weeks, and constant badgering from Mr. Kuniak, I finally signed my mom’s name and gave it to him. There was one little problem. I forgot to erase the “Get a woman faggot” sentence I wrote on the green sheet when I first got this document highlighting my academic deficiencies. Oops. As I gave this sheet to him I saw my handiwork and tried to take it away from him. I failed. If I was ever to experience a bowel movement in class, this would have been it. Mr. Kuniak looked at the sheet and the following conversation took place.
“kkk, is this your handwriting?”
“Yes.”
“Erase it. It’s unacceptable.”
That was it.
My friend who was sitting next to me at our lab table took one look at what I wrote and was reduced to years in mere seconds from laughing so hard. You know a teacher doesn’t give a shit about you when they don’t even care you mocked their alleged sexual preference. To add to this story, a few years later, while trying out for the junior varsity team, I found out on the first day of try-outs that Mr. Kuniak was the JV coach. Surprisingly enough, we were quite civil to each other. Maybe he just figured he had to deal with me for a few days before cutting me – my basketball skills weren’t much better than my ability to remember what was on the periodic table. I saw him a few times after that and there didn’t appear to be any leftover hatred. What has this got to do with Smues’ entry? Years after graduating high school, I heard Mr. Kuniak got fired for sexual harassment or something like that from a female student. Do I think he did anything? Dunno. I’m guessing his easy-going nature was probably used against him by some chick who was upset at not getting an A+++. Then again, he might have been banging the color guard all this time without me knowing. One thing’s for certain, though.
I don’t believe he was gay.
12:30 p.m.
• If Jimmy Carter rambles on about the WORST ADMINISTRATION IN OUR HISTORY, and everybody except for Medium-Large Media, pays attention, did he really say it at all?
Bill Clinton talking smack about W. I can understand – at least he had THEGREATESTECONOMYINTHEHISTORYOFTHEWORLD to fall back on. Jimmy, oh Jimmy.
10 a.m.
I’m not ragging on Scroby here – lord knows I have my share of low-paying job stories – it’s just his tale of a video game store boss taking advantage of customers made me chuckle.
It’s funny to think what constitutes taking advantage of a client depending on your line of work. The reason I mention this is that my one idiot boss always fucks over our customers – Scroby's post brought to mind of a situation earlier this year was when the idiot tried to get someone to convert to a different annuity so we could extend that person’s surrender charge. Problem was, that annuity didn’t best serve her. She’s older and the annuity that she was in was a better deal for her, so when my co-worker (who is in charge of financial services in name only) stumbled upon the paperwork for this annuity plan transfer, he immediately contacted this person and got her to keep her current annuity plan. This account was well into five figures and she would have been screwed out of at least $500 per year while having to keep her money with us for another six years in order to avoid early withdrawal penalties if she would have went with the idiot's plan, which could have been illegal because it's likely he didn't tell the customer, among other things, about the extended surrender charge, which is a very big "no-no."
9:30 a.m.
• I might not be going the route you may think I’m going with this one.
No, I don't have a Quickie Mart story of my own that's similar. In fact, I tried to minimize my chatting with Lottery People. I didn't give a shit if there was one scratch-off ticket left on a roll or if a new roll was on display. This is what popped in my head upon reading this story: A Quickie Mart-employed single mother with NINE maxed out credit cards plus almost $9,000 in debt for an ASSOCIATE’S DEGREE plays the lottery. (I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s spent money on government-sanctioned gambling.) Why am I not surprised? I will give her credit. (Well, maybe not “credit” because she’ll max it out within a week – how about “props?) She went with the 20 payments instead of the lump sum, due to her inability to budget money.
10 p.m.
• Yet another reason why the better half and I better not produce any children (besides the hundreds of other reasons that go something like, “I’m too lazy to be a parent,” “I’d rather spend money on myelf” and “I hate children.”
Yesterday morning the alarm went off and I proceeded to trudge off to the bathroom for my daily shower. We feed the kids early in the morning and before we go to bed at night, so they’ve picked up when feeding time is and when I get up at 6:15 a.m. they start milling around; either that or they directly hop onto Mrs. kkk and start meowing in her face. Well, this morning Max was following me into the bathroom and started hanging out around the toilet. Weired. Before we got a drinking fountain for the three of them, Max would stand around the toilet when he wanted “fresh” running water. I thought nothing of this. As I take my morning shower, the better half feeds Max, Dessa and JJ. Well this morning I guess Max wasn’t eating, which prompted her to be in near-hysterics and telling me he wasn’t eating his dry food. Uh, OK. Now we’ve had some problems with his pee-hole being clogged, but he only lost his appetite when this condition got severe, and he displayed no evidence of having strained litterbox activity. When I got out of the shower I looked into their feeding room and saw that Max was going to town on the water fountain. I asked Mrs. kkk if she gave them fresh water. She said yes. After a while when Max was finished I gave him some of his food, which he ate. I pointed this out to the better half, but she still said she was still “worried.” OK. Well, the special food we buy the three of them contains no filler, so the vet told us that it’s common for them to not eat everything we give them. Going about my Friday morning routine, which included taking any full garbage bags downstairs through the basement and garage and out to the curb. That’s when I figured out why Max probably wasn’t hungry.
There was cat vomit all over the basement floor. But it wasn’t food-related. It was from a nasty hairball (or three) that he must have thrown up last night. Makes sense, considering one of his toys that he usually plays with was nearby. I pointed this out to the better half and let her know that my guess as to last night’s events were as follows:
1) With the warm weather, Max is shedding like a fiend.
2) Max threw up some hairballs and instead of eating he wanted to drink fresh water to get the taste/any irritation out of his system.
Even though he ate after I fed him, he didn’t eat his entire quarter-cup of food, which still prompted the better half to spend the whole day fretting. Of course, at 7:30 p.m. that evening Max began following Mrs. kkk around the house, trying to guide her to their feeding room for an early supper. Oh, and he cleaned his bowl once they all got feed. I asked her afterward, “You still worried, psycho?” Christ, if kkk Jr. ever springs from her loins, that kid will be lucky to be out of his protective bubble for longer than two minutes.
8 p.m.
• So in the mornings on the way to work, the better half no longer lets me listen to the local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy. It’s not that she hates the host, it’s because she HATES the female co-host. What do we listen to instead? ESPN’s Mike and Mike in the Morning. Why? Because their voices “relax her.” Whatever. Now generally I can tolerate these two, but today they were getting on my last nerve. I guess this weekend is inter-league play for Major League Baseball. In fact, it’s RIVALRY WEEKEND. Whatever. These two dolts on the radio were rating each of these MLB RIVALRIES. Uh, guys, just because two teams play in the same city/state and in different leagues does not a rivalry make. The Indians and Reds are NOT a rivalry. The Cubs and Cardinals are. The Devil Rays and Marlins are NOT a rivalry. The Yankees and Red Sox are. I can’t stand it when the media try to manufacture hype with this inter-league shit.
The other thing that got on my nerves this morning was the talk about Kyle Farnsworth talking about Roger Clemens’ “family friendly” work schedule.
This of course got the Mikes’ panties in a wad. How DARE someone actually give their opinion. If Farnsworth would have said, “It doesn’t matter because we’re all a team, not I’m going to go out there and give my 110 percent,” these sportscasters would be bitching about how everybody’s afraid to speak their mind. It’s not like Farnsworth said he’s going to beat up the Rocket for getting a deal that any starting pitcher would take in a heartbeat. I understand the whole “don’t talk bad about your teammates” rule, but it’s not like Farnsworth is on the Giants and told a radio host that Bonds is a roided-up freak. Talk about making something out of nothing.
• Honestly, who really gives a shit?
And if only we used more stem cells, I bet Honest Abe could have leaped tall buildings in a single bound.
• Well no kidding.
Of course there’s the ol’ double standard. Is this really a surprise? However, the next sentence got a laugh out of me.
So white supremacists are “mainstream conservatives”? OMG AP LIBERAL BIAS~! Yeah, I know the comma separates the rednecks from the Neocons, but so what. Oh, and peep the crime and read the bullshit in the last paragraph of this article.
How exactly can you tell if this was a HATE CRIME or not? Would these two victims have to have "cracker" carved into them or something?
9 p.m.
• Well, here comes the invasion.
Oh who the hell am I kidding? They are already here. And these next two sentences from this next snippet make me feel soooo much better.
I expect Democrats to endorse this attack on America, but any Republican which agrees to this deserves to be booted out of office. (And don't even get me started on W.) I wonder what party these Mexicans will register with? Bye-bye, GOP. Then again, I shouldn't be so doom-and-gloom. You think any illegal is going to agree to this?
6 p.m.
• Looks like the Titans are interested in Keyshawn Johnson.
Good for him. Part of me felt bad for him when his replacement was drafted (I have no idea what his name is at this moment) and he had to sit there and go, “Boy I can’t wait to mentor this guy.” I wonder if he knew his Carolina stint was at an end there and was just playing for the camera?
1:30 p.m.
• One of the biggest stories of the NBA Playoffs, besides the Mavs losing in the first round, involves the recent pesudo beanch clearing that took place in Game 4 of the Suns/Spurs series. For those that don't know what happened, here you go:
The Spurs won Game 5 and are now up 3-2 in the series. I've heard several sports people comment on this, and from all perspectives.
"Rules are rules."
"Spurs play dirty. If Bruce Bowen would have been suspended for trying to hurt Stoudemire the Suns wouldn't have been on edge like they were."
I think I'm falling in the "If you don't change the rule, then you must enforce it" group. Over the last decade or so, the NBA has had to deal with bench-clearing fights, and I guess this rule of not leaving the bench is supposed to fight against this. However, when your team's franchise player is rammed into the scorer's table, I would certainly hope his teammates would respond by heading over there rather than just sitting there going, "Ohhh, look at all the pretty lights." It seems like this rule should be subject to interpretation, but from what I read it's not. So oh well. Maybe if Stoudemire hated Nash he wouldn't have cared that he got assaulted. Damn you for giving a shit about your teammates. I am hoping Phoenix wins the next two games, though.
7 a.m.
• So I was watching the TNT halftime show between the Cavs and Nets, and Ernie Johnson's family was in the studio. I guess his son has some sort of condition due to the fact he was wheelchair-bound and all that. No, I'm not going to crack on his kid or make some retard jokes. Instead, I LOL'd when Ernie said that his son's wheelchair was "tricked out" courtesy of some business/person whose name escapes me. Now that's one kick-ass dad...
...except for, of course, giving his son the retard gene.
And I was so close.
7:30 p.m.
• Well, that hippie library is still going to be around…
But fuck you Fast Eddie.
You think we’re that fucking dumb? This state may vote Democrat more times than not, but my fellow Keystone Staters aren’t retarded … or at least as much as other blue states. Tax shift? Yeah, right. More like “added tax.” You’ve been talking about slot-machine revenue gambling longer than W. has had troops in Iraq. This slots-for-property-tax idea has been an abortion since the start, and if you’re going to want to screw us over, then you’re going to have to force the sodomy. What, you expect me to fuck my own browneye?
Oh, but the real reason we didn’t vote for it was because we’re too stupid.
Although the line "The questions were not asked in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Scranton, where wage taxes are already comparatively high," made me LOL. (Scranton?) This part of the article cracked me up the most.
So even senior citizens voted against this? And in Pennsylvania, the old people control EVERYTHING, what with their en masse journey to the polls. And even though they keep dying off, there are plenty of near-blue hairs in this commonwealth to keep the Access vans busy to and from the local fire halls on Election Day.
• Back to local elections. God I love my town.
The sad thing is, when it comes to these local races, those stupid signs probably do make a difference in an election or two.
• Oh, yeah. Jerry Falwell died. I waited a few days to see what my other bloggers had to say. Wasn’t surprised. The commie goes "good riddence," and the right-winger says the extreme Left will go “see you in hell, Jerry” and all the usual stuff from the ideology of diversity and tolerance. I waited to post this because anything I say will be, as usual, so brilliant that nothing else will need to be said I’m lazy. I’m undecided as to which take I should use. Do I go with…
A) Falwell died? Wow, he must have taken Rudy Giuliani’s early presidential campaigning success hard.
or
B) Falwell died? Well, for his sake I hope all Jesus did with his disciples was preach the word of God and didn’t play a game of pitch or catch when the sun went down.
I'm hardcore. I'll take 'em both.
