4:15 p.m.
• Well I just had the shortest pre-screening interview of my life.
“Do you know Photoshop?”
“Yes.
“Do you know Illustrator?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know Quark?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how much pay this job offers?”
“Yes.”
We’ll be holding interviews shortly.”
“Uh, OK.’
I knew I should have said “No” for that third question. Damnit.
• Do it, for the CHILDREN! I remember back in the mid-90s when Republicans acted like they cared about limited government, liberals threw a shitfit because a reduction in increased spending on ANY government program would hurt, even kill, “the children.” I love it when “the children” card is played.
How about we just call “outer space” any place outside of the United States?
• I thought you put your kid in private school to get away from this kind of hippie shit. At least I now know where Smitty teaches.
• Yeah, let’s wait a year and see how these two act next to each other.
• So this morning I was listening to some RIGHT-WING RADIO and the guy was talking about some hippie enviro-weenine story – I think it was an op-ed from the Rocky Mountain News. Anyway, the writer referred to the EricMM’s of the world as an enviro-melon: Green on the outside, Red on the inside. I don’t know how long that joke has been in existence but goddamn that was funny.
• Well shit, now I can sleep more soundly at night knowing this:
I’m sure there’s a joke to be made about a former poster, but I’ll leave that up to the people here who hate freedom and liberty.
• You know, for as much as I hate the health nazis, I have to side with them on this point.
I’m all about providing as much information as possible when it comes to nutritional information. Of course, the next step these fast-food fascists want is to outright ban value meals and stuff, but that’s another topic for another day.
• Damn, I knew government was slow and all, but W. is now just getting around to talking with last year’s NBA champs? Oh, and Wade should have the season-ending surgery. You have nothing to prove; rehab your shoulder from that freak injury and don’t possibly piss away the rest of your career.
8 p.m.
• God I love Drudge. Where else can you find hard-hitting journalism like this?
• So I heard a little while ago that some hippie zookeeper in Denver got killed by a jag -- the animal, not the car. OMG a WILD ANIMAL would KILL a HUMAN? Shocking. But wait, it gets DEEPER!
There are so many jokes in the five paragraphs above that I don't know where to begin. My favorite, though, is the headline to this story: Killer Jaguar Had Mean Twin Named Osama
"Killer" Jaguar. What do you think a Jaguar is -- a pacifist?
2:30 p.m.
• The Oscars were last night? No shit. Martin Scorsese finally won. Uh, yay, and stuff. Al Gore won for his Global Warming shit-fest? Wow, I'm surprised. With him and the Dixie Terrorists both winners in '06 I'm stunned, simply stunned. Good thing Al did air his documentary 30 years ago, or the intellectual elites hell-bent on ridding the world of global cooling would have laughed at him.
• LOL -- forever stamps? Too bad enough smart people will buy these things in bulk and wait until the price of postage really spikes.
This got a laugh out of me.
Yeah, and your union costs have nothing to do with your bloated expense reports. I used to defend the post office a number of times, but ever since I had to start dealing with them more often my tolerance has grown less and less. My highlight came when I got a piece of postage returned because they couldn't determine whether an address number was a "5" or "6." OK, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt: you couldn't tell the difference (even though you can). However, there was also another 5 and 6 on this package, and just by taking five seconds out of your busy schedule, you could have found out. Also, you could always have checked to see the residence of each address and find out which name went with each address.
2 p.m.
• Well this morning on ESPN I saw Stephen Smith talking NASCAR with Tim Cowlishaw. It was an … interesting … moment.
• Oh, this should be interesting.
I bet Serbia is going to get a really nasty letter from the U.N. letting them know how mad that faceless governing body is at them. And of course they're going to convict -- think the U.N. wants a bunch of angry Muslims declaring jihad? Well, at least a bunch of angry Muslims (sorry for being redundant) declaring jihad on them?
11 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 39: Dames
The former head guy at this place, I never had a problem with Dames. In fact, the only “drama” we ever had was after kkk Bowl I when I posted a picture of Janet Jackson’s tit as a reward for Gert T’s championship run (I got a PM from him telling me it was NSFW). Did I bitch and moan about having my creative freedom squashed? Did I post several pictures of spiders, hoping to scare away this little Hitler? No. I simply took the picture down and said “Oops. I thought it was acceptable.” If memory serves, this former Big Apple resident went to Connecticut for some sales job and was doing better for himself. Hopefully, he’s doing OK. Sure during the Dames era there was a bit of craziness, but that’s part of the charm of this little corner of the Internet. And, like it or not, without Dames, we wouldn’t be here today showing fellow posters pictures that we like, bitching about the latest RAW broadcast or saying how much this place sucks.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
10:15 p.m.
• Damn Republicans. If fathers of certain governors weren't Nazi loyalists, they had five wives more than 100 years ago.
Uh, OK. So if Mitt gets elected we could have First Ladies? At least Barney Frank isn't running for the White House.
• AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Seriously, I hate these fucking things. Yeah, we took your land and brought you over on ships several hundred years ago. Our bad. You know why we did all this shit? Because we could. Humans are fucked up. What do you want me to do about it? But hey, we said we're sorry, so it's all good now.
10 p.m.
• OK, so today was my grandma’s funeral. Yesterday at the viewing, I told my old man that if he needs me to be a pallbearer then all he has to do is say so. Seeing how grandma had 20+ grandchildren, several great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild, I could understand how it might be difficult to whittle the list down to a half-dozen. I figured that since he was handling all the arrangements, this might help him out a bit. When planning large-scale family events, you tend to overlook a number of things. By letting him know I would be ready to help in any way and all he’d have to do is just let me know. Well, last night he asked me to be a pallbearer. No problem, or so I thought.
Today, we had SEVEN pallbearers. But that’s not the best part. Right after the funeral service took place at the cemetery, he singles me out and starts bitching because I … are you ready?
You sure?
Postitive?
OK, you’ve been warned.
He started bitching because I DIDN’T WEAR A TRENCHCOAT. (Or was it overcoat? Eh, I can’t remember.) I was stunned, especially since he did this while other relatives were still around me. My response: Well since I disgraced the family I guess I’ll just go straight home (there was a wake-thingy event at a local restaurant to take place after the services). Let’s just say it’s going to be quite a while before I feel like speaking to this man again. Oh, and for the record, the other six (!?) pallbearers didn’t dress in this requested garb either. I think it’s now relevant to mention that this is the same person who, when I informed him shortly before my wedding that I didn’t receive any RSVPs from his list, said to me “well, they don’t respond to those things.” Needless to say the look on Mrs. kkk’s face when my stepmother called the day after the guest list had to be finalized and said, “Is it too late to invite anyone?” Oh, and about one-fourth of those people that were “invited late” either no-showed or gave their invitation/reservation to someone else.
And people wonder why I stay away from my family as much as possible.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 40: Alfdogg
He's a decent enough mod for me, and he helped out during the most recent kkk Bowl IV season. In fact, I think he handled it better than me -- want a job based at TSM with no pay? Wait, you already have one. Shit.
And now a word from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Lovecraft:
• Thank Christ he lost. Now I don't have to hear the debate as to his "win streak" is legit because he lost in non-PGA events during this time.
7:15 p.m.
• Wow, I didn't see this coming.
Get it? "Didn't see this coming"? They're blind. OMGROTFLMAO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm pathetic.
Actually, this brings me back to a memory back in my theater employment days. You see, there was this wheelchair-bound guy named Dave, and while nobody liked him, they always tolerated him. Fuck that. I treat everybody the same – poorly. One day he brought in this article about how he appeared at this public meeting to protest the government not wanting to slope curbs. I played devil’s advocate and said that if you sloped street curbs that it would be harder for blind people to figure out that they were wading out into traffic. Dave didn’t like this and tried to run me over with his wheelchair. I thought the whole thing was funny, but when my head manager heard of this he got pissed at Dave. Now I know this guy hated me, but I think his faux outrage was an excuse to avoid Dave. Hey, it gave me the chance to ignore him, too, which I took full advantage of. He later got a bunch of people to give him money for some “fundraiser,” only for it to mysteriously “disappear.”
• Speaking of money vanishing, the better half’s out-of-control drug addict niece just got fired from the pizza job she worked at for less than two weeks. She was being “groomed” for a shift manager position and got into two shouting matches with other employees where the term “mother fucker” was used quite a bit, along with ending up $200 short in her drawer one night. $200. Yeah, I’m sure she put a $20 in the wrong slot in the cash register.
7 p.m.
• Well, I almost got in a bit of trouble today. As I was driving in Shittsburgh during the afternoon I ran a stop sign, not giving these pedestrians the right of way. Now I could say that being in a part of town I haven’t graced my presence with, coupled with the stop sign being shielded by a dumpster, I could just say “Fuck you” to the pedestrians I came within 12 feet of running over. At a nearby stoplight I made eye contact with the motorist in the other lane, who motioned to me to roll down my window. He commented to me that those people behind me flagged a police car to pull me over. I shrugged my shoulders and said that I didn’t see the stop sign and got ready to take my medicine. When the light turned green, I made my turn. I noticed the cop car behind me, but his lights weren’t on. I pulled over to the side anyways and motioned to him to approach me. He rolled down his window and I explained that I wasn’t familiar with the area and that I missed the sign. He seemed to understand my plight and said “no problem.” Had I been going 30 miles over the speed limit, hell-bent on getting to where I was going with and not giving a crap about those in my way, then I would understand being pulled over. But when you’re driving in a city, especially on a Friday afternoon, it’s a freakin’ zoo. Whenever I’m a pedestrian in the situation, I always act like oncoming motorists haven’t seen me yet. I get that pedestrians have the “right of way,” but would you rather cede this “right” and live to walk another day, or stand up for your “rights” and fight a losing bout with a vehicle weighing much more than you?
6:45 p.m.
• So Jim Rome’s ESPN show and Around the Horn got all PC (as usual) by everyone going hooray for Illinois getting rid of the Indian mascot. Jesus Christ, get over yourselves. Don’t equate this with the white man wiping out the tribe of Chief I-Was-Stupid-For-Letting-Those-Crackers-Off-The-Boat. I feel NO sympathy for the hippie Indians. They had the home field advantage and blew it. My people came over, they saw, they kicked ass. Now I’m supposed to feel sorry? Fuck that. Yeah, whitey is a fucked up people, but it’s not like the Indians were these heavenly pacifists: they could tear shit up when they wanted. And besides, with the recent winter freeze I went through, there’s no way I want to live in a wigwam.
• I’ve been hearing for a few weeks that the Bears head coach Lovie Smith is one of the lowest paid NFL head coaches in the league, if not the lowest-paid. Must be RACISM! Or it might be that he’s employed by a bunch of Jews. Here’s how I see it: Lovie, you seem to be doing the right thing. Just keep your mouth shut and coach. Take the million-and-change and win another divisional title. Then when your contract ends go out there and get paid like a mo’ fo’. You’re a coach, not a player. You don’t have to worry about tearing an ACL on the field. You have a good team in a shitty division. Build up your worth and laugh in the face of Bears’ management when they try to low-ball you with no leverage at this time next year. I’ve heard from media reports that you like it in Chicago. If that’s the case, then you’ll have to live with the fact that you work for a bunch of tightwads. Believe me, I feel your pain. Well, maybe not so much since I don’t make seven figures, but I’m not here to do the class envy thing. You’re worth more than what you’re getting paid. You have to decide if getting shafted in the pocketbook is worth staying. For me it wouldn’t be, but you know much more about your situation than I do.
• So yesterday was Ash Wednesday, and even though I’m a confirmed Lutheran I still have to do the no-meat shit since the better half is as Catholic as youth sodomy. Of course, while beginning my meatless meal, she yells because I’m having double-noodle soup.
Her: “What’s that?”
Me: “Double Noodle Soup. You know, the kind you don’t eat anymore and I have to finish off.”
Her: “OMG IT HAS CHICKEN IN IT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: “It says ‘double noodle.”
Her: “IT HAS CHICKEN BROTH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: “Well then I guess I’m going to hell.”
Chicken broth? You have to fill an empty Campbell’s can up with water to cook this shit. Even sausage factories allow a certain amount of rat poop into their product. I’m sure God has some quality-control exemptions. If not, then oh well. I’m actually hoping that I get past the Pearly Gates thanks to some package deal I’m hoping Mrs. kkk gets for all the religious shit she does.
1 p.m.
• I don't know why I thought of this just now, but those mobile phone ads featuring Dwyane Wade and Charles Barkley make me laugh, especially the one where the blonde chick thinks Chuck is Wade's dad.
8:30 a.m.
• Uh-oh. O.J. Simpson has to give up some of his loot to the Goldman family.
I hope this doesn't make him mad enough to kill. Allegedly, of course.
8:15 a.m.
• So I went into the Sports folder and read something that shook me to my very core. TOM BRADY HAD SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE?!
I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I thought he was saving himself for Mrs. Right, or better yet, me. Oh well, maybe he could start up a club with Matt Leinart or something.
• Uh, OMG Culture of Corruption and all that shit.
8 p.m.
• I almost forgot. On the drive home from work today through pseudo-hippieville, I came across a bumper sticker that got a laugh out of me. "Frodo failed -- Bush got the Ring!"
7:30 p.m.
• In response to the comments going on from yesterday’s entry, here’s some advice to SFAJack: Just accept it the blue towels. The sooner you do, the better off you'll be. Don’t try to figure out the female species. It ain’t worth it. Believe me, I know what you’re going through. My life is filled with similar eye-rolling moments. The trick is to be selective in what you want to piss her off with. Take this afternoon while we were driving to the grocery store. Remember that March 10 wedding we’re going to? Here’s what she said during our drive.
Her: “It’s only one more week before we’re going to Ohio.”
Me: “What are you talking about.“
Her: “Only one more Saturday to go.”
Me: “Huh?”
Her: “What.”
Me: “We got more than two weeks to before the wedding.”
Her: “No we don’t.”
Me: “You’re insane.”
Her: “Well, this week’s almost over…”
Me: “IT’S TUESDAY!”
Her: “Yes, and just one more week.”
Me: “But that wedding is on the SATURDAY of the following week after your ‘one more week.’”
Her: “Nevermind. You don’t understand.”
Me: “You’re right. I don’t understand. There are EIGHTEEN DAYS BEFORE MARCH 10. How do you get one week from that?”
Her: “I hate you. I really hate you.”
Me: “Shut up ho.”
3 p.m.
• Wow. There's a 5-4 ruling on the Supreme Court, but check out who sided where.
7:30 a.m.
• Damn you George W. Bush. If these gas prices weren't so damn high, then maybe these people could afford their crack, thus not having to drive off, resulting in cutting the poor dealer in half. A dealer who was just trying to make ends meet in this economy. I wonder if you can sue a tax cut?
6:45 p.m.
• Mike Awesome died?
Well, that’s not awesome news.
Wait, he hanged himself? Fuck him then.
He was a realtor? Oh come on, there are worse things to be in life. I'm sure there are number of other "retired" wrestlers doing much worse.
• So the better half and I got into a bit of a disagreement over Sunday’s shopping at the nearby “Bed Bath & Beyond.” No, we weren’t arguing about soap dishes or any of that other shit. Long story short: We’re going to Ohio for a wedding in March, and we decided to do the wedding registry shopping thing. Now I’m the first person to admit I’m an asshole and there are quite a few screws loose in my view of the world. However, even though I’m an asshole, I’m a loyal asshole. I wanted to get several mid-priced items that they could use, even if they moved away. Mrs. kkk wanted to get a big gift. I said we should go with my route for several reasons. The primary one was that, unlike the kkk household, this couple hasn’t lived in sin all that long, if at all. They would need more household items. Mrs. kkk then bitched about how they wouldn’t think we bought them much. I had to laugh and remind her that she make a fucking inventory of what everyone bought for us at our wedding. I think these two college graduates would take note that we purchased five items ranging in price from $15-25. When it was all said and done, we spent $110 on a cookbook holder thing, a cutting board thing, a spice rack, a shower curtain and an electric can opener. At least the spice rack was on sale.
This of course brought back memories of my wedding gifts and how we got Jewed to the point I was considering changing my name to kkk-stein. Here’s a lesson, people. You may not like gift registries. I understand. You may not think the gifts you’d be getting won’t be personal. After all, a wedding registry is like an adult’s What-I-Want-From-Santa list. If that’s the case, then either give money or a gift card to a major department store. DON’T BUY SOMETHING A COUPLE DOESN’T NEED. Don’t think getting a “picnic set” complete with four plastic glasses and a pitcher that holds less water than its accompanying glasses is a good idea. Also, don’t be a goddamn Jew. Let me give a real-life example involving one of our TSM brethren.
For my wedding, Swift Terror got us a towel set. You know, the big towels you dry yourself off with, the medium-sized ones I never use, and the little wash rags. That’s good. Want to know what’s bad? On of the better half’s relatives WHO JUST BOUGHT ONE FUCKING TOWEL. Although Swift Terror actually paid attention to our registry, I still need to kick his ass because those were the towels that prompted the better half to paint our first-floor bathroom from a perfectly acceptable light blue motif to one that’s shit brown. (If you look through the door's crack, you can see said towels.)
And why did she decided to paint the WHOLE BATHROOM? So the walls would MATCH THE COLOR OF THOSE TOWELS that are for decoration only. Oh, and she wanted to have these stencils up.
Now I don't personally blame Swift Terror for this defiling because I knew the better half wanted to do this. He just provided the ammo. After all, once you get a nice set of towels, you just HAVE to repaint a whole room before hanging them up, right?
So take it from kkk. If you don’t want to buy a decent wedding gift, then don’t go to the wedding. And if you got me calling you a Jew, you know you got problems.
11:30 p.m.
• I feel safer already.
• Boy, we folks from the Keystone State are sure getting our tax money's worth. And Fast Eddie wants to raise them even more.
Figures this took place in eastern PA -- this week's snowfall wasn't that bad here. The salt trucks did what they could, but it's not like you can go out and instanly melt away the snow and ice right as it's coming down from the sky. Then again, this whole clusterfuck was pretty damn funny.
• DEVELOPING~!!!
And why exactly am I supposed to care about this?
• Damn, a $2.6 lottery payday only amounted to an $871,000 lump sum after taxes and all that stuff. I can't wait until these people claim bankruptcy.
If I ever won the lottery, I don't know if I'd go with the lump sum or the spread-it-out-over-30-year thing. It would probably depend on how much I'd be getting back. If I won some uber-large jackpot -- you know, those $100+ million Powerballs, I'd probably go with the 30-year deal. Not only would I get more money, but also getting seven figures over multiple years would be a good way to avoid the "lottery curse." If the amount was smaller, say, $2.6 million, I don't know what I'd do -- I'd have to see the 30-year payout. If it's not much more than the $870k, I might have taken the lump sum as well. Then again, I don't play the lottery so it's all a moot point.
10:15 p.m.
• Well, I just heard the news. My last living grandparent just passed away – grandma on the old man’s side. She was in her 90s, so it’s not like life cheated her out of anything; when it came to cashing Social Security checks, she definitely came out ahead. She raised six kids during the Depression; two of them who have died before her. The last time I saw her (Christmas Eve), she was bed-ridden and unable to talk, so it was only a matter of time. There are several variations of old people. You have the constantly miserable type, and then there are those who crack you up, no matter how wrong or off base they are. My grandma was definitely the latter. Growing up she would always speak her mind, usually resulting in family DRAMA, or hilarity. For example, my one half-brother lived at her old house in the attic and she HATED him. During on of the 1980s playoff games between the Browns and Broncos, my half-brother was going to take a bath and grandma said to him, “Get out of here you freeloading bastard.” This of course prompted my old man to get up and start screaming “CRAZY HOUSE! CRAZY HOUSE! WE LIVE IN A … CRAZY HOUSE!!! CRAZY HOUSE!!!” He then smacked the wall a few times, ran around the room and went into a nearby room. While most people might freak out upon witnessing this display of unadulterated rage, as a kid I found the whole thing funny as hell. Heck, I'm an adult and still laugh at this dysfunction. And grandma sure was a racist. I can’t count the number of times she referred to said half-brother’s longtime girlfriend as a “mixed breed.” Those were the days. She would also smack me with a fly swatter, but it was all out of love. She got moved into a home sometime in the early ‘90s, against her will, and stuck around ever since. I remember her bitching about this for years until she got too senile to remember where she was. At least she’ll have a legacy of what a brilliant “baby” grandson she helped nurture during his formative years and turned into the fine, upstanding gentleman he is today.
Uh, on second thought…
9:30 p.m.
• How about worrying about the Mexicans crossing your border before saying stupid shit like this? Christ, and I thought Richardson had half-a-brain after becoming governor of New Mexico.
"Recent successes"? Yeah, it'll be a "success" until we catch them fiddling with nuke stuff ... again.
9:15 p.m.
• The hell?
Have I mentioned lately how much Whoria Alldread needs to die -- and die soon?
• I'm not even going to bother posting parts of this retarded story. The headline says it all: Lying to Doctor Can Mean Health Risks
Well no fucking shit. And this article is more than 900 words! Do we really need to be told how lying to your doctor might not be in your best interest. Hell, if you're going to fib about your health, then why are you at the doctor's office in the first place? Well, you could be trying to get drugs, but aside from that.
• The U. of Ill. should name their next mascot "Chief Dickless." Wait, that's offense to Indians who had mishaps with a large piece of machinery.
7:30 p.m.
• Well, that chick lost after not being able to rap a nursery rhyme. Ha. Next week's show has these crackas going to Detroit to do battle raps, or whatever the hell those kids did in that "8 Mile" movie. That might actually be worth watching. Then again, knowing one of these people is going to win a lot of money has me depressed. I've got Derelicts of Dialect on now. Weird.
4:15 p.m.
• LOL -- so I just watched another episode of that White Rapper show, and it had the fat chick having to go to the emergency room after flopping at the THUG OBSTACLE COURSE. Oh she better not win this contest. Oh this is so awful.
8:15 p.m.
• The whistleblowing part I don't care about; it's the collective bargaining. And you people thought the airport lines were long before.
• Judging by the ratings,it looks like ABC has "lost" its viewers -- lol lol lol lol. Yeah, I'm a retard.
I got Season 1 a while back and thought it was great, although I still don't have the urge to get Season 2. Especially since most of what I hear is that it is shit. I'll probably get it one of these days when it's retailing for $9.99 or something. Like I said in an entry last year, I love the right-wing redneck guy. (I already forget his name -- Sawyer?) Otherwise, I have moved on. If the drop-off in quality is that bad, then maybe wrapping this whole thing up sooner than later will be a good thing. No sense in dragging this out; give me a good show with a short lifespan rather than enduring a slow, painful death.
• With "Sex Packets," "Sons of the P" and "Future Rhythm" in my collection, I'm a semi-fan of the Digital Underground. If I'm in the mood, I'll give "Packets" or "Sons of the P" a spin. "Future Rhythm" is ... eh. Anyway, each album has its high points and low points. However, I cannot hate on "Good Thing We're Rappin'" How can you go wrong with lyrics like:
The song drags after five minutes or so when they start saying...
...but that's why you have the "skip" funtion on CD players.
8:15 a.m.
• Awesome, I never knew Tim Hardaway was a fellow Republican. I got your back, brother.
Can't wait to see what ESPN does with this, if they haven't already.
• Well, no work for me today. Have I mentioned how much I hate broadcast news? On the NBC affiliate this morning they were giving you up-to-the-second updates on whether it was snowing outside or if there was freezing rain. "OMG IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...NOW IT'S SNOW...NOW IT'S FREEZING RAIN...WABBIT SEASON!"
• Oh, yeah. Valentine's Day. Fuck that holiday. I'm doing nothing romantic -- why should this day be any different from the other 364 days of the year? She's getting Season 7 of Charmed and Anastasia DVDs. That ought to shut her up for a day or two.
• And with all the school closings in my area, and probably elsewhere in the country, I want to let anyone who had their heart set on attending today's Congressional hearing on "“Climate Change: Are Greenhouse Gas Emissions from Human Activities Contributing to a Warming of the Planet?" scheduled for today, I have bad news: it's been postponed due to inclement weather, so adjust your schedules accordingly.
• Toyota is going to get in trouble, Toyota's going to get in trouble.
Yeah, Toyota. How DARE you run an efficient business that actually makes a profit! Why, I bet you don’t have any union auto employees (I wouldn’t quite call them “workers”) making $30+/hour at a local “jobs bank.” This is AMERICA, damnit.
These made me LOL.
OK
Yeah, because a JAPANESE-OWNED COMPANY can’t be diverse unless it has one of our country’s race-baiting poverty pimps getting a cut of the profits.
Once again, damn you Toyota for making these bloated, inefficient companies look bad. Shame, shame, shame. That ain’t going to fly with Democrats in charge.
6 p.m.
• Well the drive home wasn’t bad at all. The roads weren’t bad, traffic was light. I was almost getting a woody until I came to this one crappy “s curve” stretch of road where there was suddenly a backup due to an accident. As I drove by I noticed two pickup trucks had collided. My guess: Someone was driving faster than they should have. This brings me to my philosophy of driving in crappy weather. Respect the elements, but don’t fear them. If you are afraid to drive when Mother Nature is dropping flakes of frozen precipitation, then DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. However, just because you are driving some “all terrain” vehicle, that doesn’t mean you should be acting like it’s 80 degrees and sunny. In fact, while driving home today some “yo man” (a term I use to describe someone from the “wigger” classification) in a SUV was in the midst of swerving into the left-hand lane because I was only going the speed limit and almost sideswiped a fellow motorist. After that guy laid on the horn the “yo man” went back into my lane and kept his distance. Idiot.
Well the better half is already dropping hints that she doesn’t want me going into work tomorrow. Whenever there is a forecast involving shitty weather, she always reminds me 10-12 times per hour. This is because I have the “final say” as to whether or not we are to go into work for that particular day. Is this another example of male oppression? No. She just doesn’t like making decisions herself. It’s funny because on snowy days while I’m the shower she’ll have the morning news on, ready to give me a full report on what schools/functions have been cancelled, all while not directly telling me that she just wants to go back to bed and sleep until noon. And whenever I agree with staying in she will say for the rest of the day, “Well you’re the one who wanted to stay home.” I can’t wait to see what she does if I decide to go into work should this expected freezing rain doesn’t arrive.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
• Um, even though this really doesn’t need any comments, kkk-ommentary will be in boldface. You’ll probably guess where this started before being told in the third paragraph.
Ha. I just had a flashback to my 11th grade Horticultural class. Yes, I hated science and chose to go in a retard science class because I didn’t want to lean about chemicals and all that shit. No sir. I was in with all the burn-outs and vo-tech students. One of that year’s highlights was when we had a COLORING BOOK for one nine-week grading quarter. Oh the memories are now coming back to me, but for now I’ll just elaborate on the “rabbits.” The teacher for this class had a greenhouse set-up in the upper level/attic of our school, and we all went up there one day where he showed up the rabbits he had up there. He was trying to mate them, and we were to supervise them while he went and did something else. Once we opened up the divider thingy separating the male bunny from the female bunny, the male went to town. The two females in our group had a look of disgust while the dozen-plus males were laughing to the point of tears, especially when the male rabbit was humping the side of the female. Ever since that day, trying to “mate the rabbits” was an often-requested in-class assignment.
12:15 p.m.
• Well, now the snow is coming down full-tilt. If tonight's freezing rain predictions are correct, I doubt I'll be heading in to work tomorrow. No way I'm risking wrecking the car for just one workday's commute. Yeah, I'll do that, then fuck up my transportation situation for days, weeks even, while the car gets towed off to an auto shop. One of my life's mottos is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Remember that, young ones. Except for The Thread Killer, who's older than me and probably already knows this as well.
8:30 a.m.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, or at least a sarcastic remark or two.
• What's do we have here?
Oh? Do go on.
How can this NOT fail? They negotiated for 16 WHOLE HOURS! But then again, I don't think Jimmy Carter was involved, so there will be no Nobel Prizes to gain.
Uh, didn't they already agree to scrap its nuclear program, like 10 years ago? Oh, yeah, it did.
This is my favorite part. Using the football analogy.
Yeah, and what's going to happen when North Korea decides to go for the long bomb?
• Wow, that didn't last long.
Then again, Arrington was hurt for much of the season. Hope he liked becoming a free agent while he was a disgruntled Redskin.
7 a.m.
• So the Dixie Terrorists won some Grammy Awards.
Big shock there. I forgot they even had an album out. Great. Now this will probably be all over cable news for the next day or so, giving me just another reason to tune out.
9:30 a.m.
• So yesterday I was debating on whether or not to come into work today. My work is ahead of schedule, but I'm a freak when it comes to getting work done early. I know if I didn't come in today, my idiot boss will have some time-consuming project waiting for me Monday, and I would spend half the day kicking myself for not taking advantage of working during the weekend. Well, I found out that our area should be getting at least 4-8 inches Tuesday, so now it's time to come in and call off Tuesday. I'm envisioning the traffic nightmares right now. I know my friends north of the border are used to 4-8 inches in the summertime, but this ain't Canada. This is Shittsburgh. There's a big difference. Trust me on this one.
8 p.m.
• So I reserved a room for a March out-of-town excursion, and the hotel chick gave me the price, which was of course “before taxes.” For those that don’t leave their parent’s house, hotels are like cigarettes when it comes to taxing. Local governments don’t want to tax their constituents, so they jack up taxes for out-of-town visitors, and if someone is going on a business trip to that area, it’s not like they are going to sleep in their rent-a-car before the big presentation the next day. For a laugh, I like asking how much a room is “after taxes,” which often results in the hotel employee answering in a nervous tone. What the hell am I going to do? OMG WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TAXES GWAAAR! Well, actually, I’m sure there are people out there who probably do such things. I guess hotel executives figure if they quote a customer a price “before taxes,” that will make their establishment more appealing due to the “lower” rate and by the time the weary traveler arrives, they would be too exhausted to bitch about the taxes added on to their room.
12:30 p.m.
• Well this was an odd way to start out the day. First off, I woke up at 7 a.m. because the cats were walking all over the bed trying to get one of us up to feed them. They get fed twice a day – once when we wake up, once before we go to bed. During the workweek they get their food at around 5:45 a.m. and then at around 9:30 p.m. However, when it’s the weekend, we tend to wake up later, but Dessa, JJ and Max have none of that. Well, maybe not so much JJ, because all he does is mill around in the room where they get fed; Dessa and Max do the dirty work. They have pretty much learned to not even try with me because I generally don’t wake up for anything, so they focus their efforts toward the better half. Dessa either wakes her up with the old “sniffing the nose” trick, and if that doesn’t work she’ll chew on her hair. Max is less creative; all he does is go up to her face and meow, although I think he’s discovered a way to get me up. What he does is walk over on my nightstand and start knocking shit down to the floor. Now the actual knocking of objects (usually just my contact lens case and deodorant) don’t actually wake me up, but rather the long fur from his tail that is hitting my face does the trick (I sleep on my side facing my nightstand). I vaguely remember this morning. I felt Dessa and Max walking all over us, and while Dessa was doing her thing, Max was knocking my contact lens case over. All I remember is hearing Mrs. kkk say, “Alright I’ll get your food; Jesus Christ,” and me reaching for the squirt bottle to spray Max. I looked at the clock to see that it was 7 a.m. and went back to bed.
I don’t know what the hell happened to me or what I was dreaming, but I woke up at 11:30 a.m. Normally I don’t get up so late (although I used to; good times), but when I did I was sore all over. I was also dreaming, but I can’t remember what it was about. All I remembered was that I was back in high school as a senior and our one class had split into groups, and this one girl, Wendy Welsh, began reading/singing this story about one of those Chronoicles of Narnia books. She was reading this from a fill-in-the-blank test score sheets where you fill in answers to multiple-choice or true/false questions. I didn’t have one of these sheets and had no idea what the hell was going on. And the song/story she was singing? I have no clue. I’ve never read any of those hippie books, except for the “Lion, Witch and Wardrobe,” and that was when I was a kid in a Christian grade school. So this story could not even have been related to the whole Narnia thing, although that lion was involved, along with those beavers. That’s all I remember from this dream, and when I woke up, that made-up song Wendy was singing was still in my head! When I got up, I looked at the clock and it read 11:30. I went to the bathroom to do my thing, when suddenly the doorbell rang. The cats scattered, and I finished wiping. I threw on my sweatpants and shirt, both lying on the floor by my bed, and trudged toward the door, not knowing what adventures were in store for me.
I opened the door, and there it was – two Jehovah’s Witnesses. Good Lord. I could barely keep my eyes open from the bright lights and cold, biting wind going through my screen door. They asked me if I would like this literature about how “Religion is dying,” and I said … shit, I can’t remember what I said. I’ve never dealt with these people before, but I’ve heard stories. I wasn’t in the mood, or in the form, to say, “Get the fuck off my property you wackos,” either. So, due to the fact I had just minutes ago gotten up from bed and had most of my hair sticking up and that funky crap in my eyes, I had an ideal get-out-of-Jesus-Freaks-line. “I’m battling a cold and took a bunch of medication last night.” I then coughed toward their direction. They made a remark about how cold it was, gave me their pamphlets and left, but not after I shook the one’s hand. The hand I wiped my crack with just minutes ago and forgot to wash.
What has this got to do with anything? Haven’t got the slightest clue. Sorry. I’ve washed my hands since then … or at least I think I did. If not, I guess I’m typing in my own filth.
9:15 p.m.
• OK, it's a Friday night, and I haven't had to speak to anyone at work for several days. This means it's time for a kkk LOVE FEST! That's means I'm going to say some stuff that you might not normally expect to come out of my mouth, err, through my keyboard.
Topic 1:Democrats in Congress. That's right, you heard me. I feel for you people. Look, I hate most of you fuckers, and you cater to the lazy and stupid. However, even I have to feel for you on some level.
Jesus Christ, it's only been THREE MONTHS! And Congress didn't even get back into session until JANUARY. There's plenty of time between now and '08 for these pinko commie shitwads to implement their destructive schemes. Give them some time to decorate their offices first.
Topic 2: Miss America. I can't stand Nancy Pelosi. How that dumb bitch ever got into a position of power baffles me. In fact, it is downright frightening. But this latest flap about her wanting some hippie jet to shoot herself to and from her congressional district of homos, faggots and queers is a bit too much, even for me to swallow ... ew.
I heard some bitching on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how the previous Speaker of the House didn't use that big a jet to travel around. Then again, Dennis Hastert didn't have to fly from coast to coast. I haven't been paying attention to this story, but what if you need the bigger jet for a nonstop flight from DC to California? And if she wants to bring a few politicians from her state aboard, let her. That's just less fuel that will have to be used to fly those people back and forth as well. Now if Miss America starts ordering flights for people on this aircraft without her in it, then I'll raise an eyebrow, but for now just shutup about this. And don't go bitching that this is a waste of taxpayer dollars. Jesus Christ.
OK, that's enough of the kkk Friday night LIVE FEST. I'm getting the urge to take a shower now.
5:30 p.m.
• Everything's bigger in Texas, even the people.
• I stopped reading this article after its first two paragraphs. It can't possibly get any better.
9:30 p.m.
• For those that don’t know who Myron Cope is, he was a longtime broadcaster for the Steelers until he retired a year or so ago. If you ever heard this annoying, grating voice on Steelers highlights from some “local voices” segment on ESPN or some other national sports media, chances are that was Myron. He was one of those guys you either adored or hated. I, of course, was indifferent. That was until he got into Mario Lemieux’s business by writing an editorial a few days ago telling him to keep the Penguins in Shittsburgh because it is the “right thing to do.” Here's what he wrote.
Hey Myron. Fuck you.
Put up millions of dollars to keep a team you played with for so many years, then you can tell Mario what “the right thing” is to do. And by the way, the Rooney family did threaten to move the Steelers back in the 1990s if their new stadium demands weren’t met. I’m not hating on the Rooneys, and they are good owners. However, don’t you even try to pull that pseudo-sentimental shit with me. When the Pirates and Steelers were in danger of leaving the area, the local media went apeshit with threats of doom and gloom if the Pirates relocated to Raleigh. City leaders didn’t give a damn about the Penguins until other areas began to court them. It’s called the free market. Deal with it, bitches.
6 p.m.
• Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Don’t know why I care, but it’s being broadcast everywhere. I never liked her. If that old guy didn’t put her in his will before nodding off, then she shouldn’t have gotten a dime.
• So North Carolina beat Duke last night. Yay. Duke is one of those teams you either love or hate, and I am the latter. I don’t even care much for UNC, but if I have to choose between the two, I’m the Tarheels through and through. Why am I talking about this? To segway to a Duke alumn currently in the NBA.
• Gee, what a surprise. Today’s Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption panelists expressed SHOCK and OUTRAGE over the comments of Philadelphia 76ers forward Shavlik Randolph, who said about John Amaechi.
Awesome. Simply awesome. Here’s what the rest of his quote said:
I always wondered how a gay guy could get away with staying in the closet when in the shower room after practice – wouldn’t there be certain … things … at attention? Not that I’d look. As long as someone doesn’t bring his gayness on me, I’m fine, too. Although I have to wonder how you can bring gayness on somebody. I guess you’ll know when it happens.
• Normally I’d be against such stupid regulation, but you know what: go ahead and ban iPods or whatever it is you fascists want to do. You latte-sippin’, hybrid-drivin’, soy-lovin’ New Yorkers are all about limiting the pleasure and enjoyment of other people (smokers, trans-fat eaters), it’s about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
Think about it. You have little Bobby crossing the street with his headphones blasting and can’t hear the horn of an approaching motorist. Suddenly, BLAM! Won’t you think of the children instead of your own greedy listening pleasure?
5:45 p.m.
Some queer who used to play in the NBA has now admitted as such. OMG LET'S GIVE HIM A MEDAL~!!!
I bet he liked to drive HARD TO THE HOLE!!! I wonder who he POSTED UP!?!? Was he always out in front, or did he like to COME FROM BEHIND??? When he dunked, I bet he did a JOB on the RIM!!! Acutally, these retarded jokes would work for a guy who likes women, but you see ... he's GAY!!! Where was I going with this? I have no clue. Oh, yeah. He's gay. Big deal. And this interview will be aired on Valentine's Day ... wait a second, his book is called "Man in the Middle"? Now that's funny.
Maybe I'm being too hard on him. After all, with the jock culture I'm sure his life would have been a living hell with the fans, media and other players... huh huh huh, I said "hard on..."
8:30 p.m.
• You know, I was going to bitch about Fast Eddie and his additional tax ideas, but why bother when I have other reasons to bitch about government spending -- like 2,900,000,000,000 reasons.
I don't know what's sicker. The fact this is the number being proposed or that it's not going to be enough. Party of small government my ass.
• This caught my eye.
I know nothing about NASCAR, other than it makes a shitload of money. But you know what? If you're a NASCAR driver, you should know that there is no pension in place. What does that mean? SAVE your money! INVEST it wisely! Have other LIFE SKILLS besides driving really fast! Now a case could be made for the old-timers who may not have made as much money and helped turn this sport (yes, I called it a sport) into a cash cow, but that's another subject for another time. I'm talking about today's drivers making the big bucks; realize that you won't be doing this forever. Prepare for that.
Then again, if the rest of us don't save, why should NASCAR drivers?
8 p.m.
• I saw this on TSM, but I wanted to get more news on it. Oh hell no.
Words can't express how pissed Indy 4 makes me. Well, not pissed that I'd go out and kill. It's about as pissed as I'll get when it comes to movies that shouldn't be made. I'm sure I'll rant about why I hate this idea someday, but I just don't feel like it right now.
12:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call(ers) of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this. Chick number one: She’s living with her boyfriend and away from her parents so she’s “depressed.” The other night her and the boyfriend got into a huge fight because “he’s not there to console me.” She can’t remember what she said to him during this fight, but she knows it caused him to rip apart a wall. OK then. Chick number two: She’s asking for advice about her boyfriend who “turned Christian” early in their relationship and caught him going after 13- to- 15 year-old girls on My Space. He’s also mad at her because she’s not a virgin. And this is only in the show’s first segment.
7:45 p.m.
• Of course, I haven’t talked about the most important thing regarding this year’s Super Bowl: How were the ads? Not good, I’m afraid. Below are my opinions regarding this year's batch.
“Reception” by Bud. Whatever.
“Class Mencia” by Bud. I knew where this was going five seconds into this ad, and I like Carlos Mencia so I’m probably a bit biased with this one. One of my preferred ads, but that’s not saying much with this year's crop.
“Live the Flavor” by Doritos. Was this the homemade ad that aired? If so, it wasn’t half bad. Hell, if that chick would have been on all fours for the entire 30 seconds, this would be my favorite commercial of the night.
“Snickers Super Bowl Ad.” Retarded. And no, it’s not because I’m a homophobe. I’m all about making fun of rednecks, those with mullets or other semblances of white trash, but it just wasn’t all that humorous.
“Rock Paper Scissors” by Bud. Eh.
“But He has Bud Light.” This one was so-so up until the end when the Ax guy comments on Chainsaw Man. That got a laugh out of me.
“Fist Bump” by Bud. Fist bump in the face the people that came up with this one.
“Coca-Cola Videogame.” I thought the ad was dumb, but I did like the animation, if that makes any sense.
“RollinVIP” by Nationwide. Fuck the fast-food haters, I liked this one. A lot. And until this ad I had never heard the former Mr. Spears talk.
“Comb-Over” by Sierra Mist. And that Ian Black guy goofs on other people from decades past?
“We’re Obsessed with Quality” by GM. The only thing that made me laugh is knowing that union workers are “obsessed with quality.” Otherwise, awful.
“Dalmation” by Bud. I’m sure a lot of people liked this one, but not me. Nothing wrong with having dogs in your ads, though.
“Boogeyman” by Emerald Nuts. “Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff.” What the hell? I’m saying “what the hell” in a good way, mind you.
“Check Out Girl” by Doritos. I guess this won that hippie contest, too. I liked the first one better. Much better. Get this chick down on all fours and you can put a saddle on her. ... After getting that image into my head, I think I might have to amend my previous sentence.
“New Steak Grilled Taquitos” by Taco Bell. Similar to the Dalmatian ad, I’m sure people liked this one; I just didn’t.
“Promotion Pit” By Career Builder. I don’t really care for this ad, but having gone through the experiences I have in the past three years at my place of employment, I think I like these kinds of ads more than I normally would if I were working at some place not headed up by fucking idiots. The “delivery guy” earned a chuckle.
“Generic Ad Name” by Garmin. Was over-the-top and dumb, but that’s a good thing. I approve.
“King Crab” by Bud. Didn’t care for it. Then again, I’m not a beer drinker so my opinion on these Bud ads may be tainted.
“Not What it Seems” by FedEx. There have been some funny FedEx ads like this in the past, but this ain’t one of them.
“Happiness Factory" By Coca-Cola. The fuck? People spent money making this shit?
“Darts & Jungle” by Career Builder. Not as well-liked as the above Career Builder. The “lemming shot” was good, though.
“Great Apes” by Bud. Stupid.
“Moon Office” by FedEx. Ugh. Stick to the “office-type” ads.
“Finger” by E-Trade. Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. I was waiting for the "middle finger" reference.
“Go Daddy.” I’ve never liked these Go Daddy ads. Hey, let’s put a chick with big tits in front of a camera wearing one of our shirts! See, with the Doritos ad I mentioned above dealing with the chick on all fours, that image was only on for a second, leaving much to the imagination. If you’re going to exploit big-chested women with nothing in-between their ears and an inferno in-between their legs, at least make it somewhat amusing.
“Hard to Say Goodbye” by the NFL. The Radier scenes were cute.
“Car Wash” by Chevy. Dreadful.
“Connectile Dysfunction” by Sprint. This is one of my favorite ads of the lot, if only because it’s goofing on all those four-hour boner ads. Or at least that’s my opinion of what they were trying to get across.
“Performance Evaluation” by Career Builder. I didn’t see this one during the game; I think this is my favorite Career Builder ad so far.
“Tundra Ramp” by Toyota. Those ads didn’t do it for me. Then again, I don’t beat off to vehicles that have oodles of horsepower and all that other shit.
“Karate” by Sierra Mist. They thought it was a good idea to make more than one Ian Black ad? I'm going to pretend that guy who makes fun of Hot Pockets weren't in these ads, too.
“Black History Timeline” by Coca-Cola. Do I really need to comment on this one?
“Autograph” by Foot Locker. No.
“JayZ vs. Shula” by Bud. Didn’t see this one during the game. Eh.
“Wild Hogs Movie.” The “But all I could think of was black jokes” line was amusing, but otherwise, ugh.
“Bank Robbery” by E-Trade. I feel for what they were trying to do, so I’m not going to hate on it…
“Meet the Robinsons Movie.” … But I WILL hate on this. What the fuck?!
“Green Tea” by Snapple. “It’s on the back of the bottle.” I knew it was coming, but the Jap's delivery was solid.
“See Saw” by Toyota. See my previous Toyota comment.
“Ain’t We Got Love” by Chevy. I really liked this one. Way, way more better than “This is Our Country.” I marked out when I heard LL.
“Orange County Choppers” by HP. So Orange County Choppers is a motorcycle business? I always wondered what those clothing items were pimping.
“Beat Your Heart Risk” by some hippie organization. Who made this shit?
“A Man’s Walk” by Van Heusen. The old “re-wind the ad” trick. Sorry, but I liked it better when alcohol companies did it with ads showing who the designated driver would be in a group of friends.
“Pride Movie.” First there was the football movie “Remember the Titans” that showed us the evils of RACISM. Then there was “Glory Road,” taking us through the struggles of black people playing college basketball. Now there’s a SWIMMING movie about this subject?
“Fuel Efficient Cars are the Shizzle,” by Honda. Oh boy, another ad showing a bunch of cars driving across barren land in pretty patterns. Click.
“Hannibal Rising.” I’m not a huge Hannibal fan, but I’ll watch these movies. I won’t watch them in a theater though. This will be a DVD’er.
“Men of the Year” by the United Way. Fuck this commie organization and their sexist hiring practices.
“Sales Genie.” Retarded. Simply retarded.
“Sheryl Crow Ad” by Revlon. I hate Sheryl Crow. Really, really, really hate her. Almost as much as I hate nl-asshole. That’s all I’m going to say about this one.
“Honda CR-V.” At least it had that “Hunka Burning Love” song. That’s about all I can say about this one.
“Flomax Ad.” Oh for Christ’s sake. Another one of these “Here’s to men” ads with them doing gay things like biking and boating. And they’re drinking WATER! I hate these ads. You know when the cameras stop rolling they’re all BUTT-fucking each other. “Real men” go out in the woods drinking bear, hunting defenseless animals and don’t care about having to go to the bathroom because they just piss in the bushes. Then again, I really wouldn’t know because I don’t hunt. But I bet that's what they do. And BUTT-fuck each other, of course.
OK, now let me scan through this list and come up with my insta-top five ads.
5) “Boogeyman,” by Emerald Nuts.
4) “Green Tea,” by Snapple.
3) “RollinVIP” by Nationwide.
2) “Connectile Dysfunction,” by Sprint.
1) “Ain’t We Got Love,” by Chevy.
10:30 p.m.
• Esiason just said it was great that Tony Dungy gave thanks to "his" God. Esiason is a Muslim? Maybe that's why he's called "Boom"er.
10:15 p.m.
• I love Tony Dungy. When asked in the post-game segment about him being THE FIRST BLACK HEAD COACH TO WIN A SUPER BOWL, he said that was significant, but it was more significant that he and Lovie Smith were CHRISTIAN coaches. The New York Slimes is going to hate printing that.
10 p.m.
• The MVP award will probably go to Manning, but I'd vote for Colts' running backs. I think "co-" awards are gay, but Rhodes has 110+ yards rushing, and Addai has 10 catches.
9:45 p.m.
• No more "CONGRATS BLACK PEOPLE FOR HAVING TWO HEAD COACHES IN THIS GAME" ads. Please. For the love of God. Also, ain't it funny that in this game that features TWO BLACK HEAD COACHES, the most notable person in this game (unless something drastic happens in the last seven minutes of regulation) is the Jew quarterback?
• Don't blame me. I voted for Swann.
2 p.m.
• Hey, did I mention I went two-for-two in my Conference Championship picks? Yay, and stuff. Now it’s time to pick the Super Bowl. How will this game go? Who knows. I can see this contest going a number of ways. Will the Colts light up the scoreboard like the 49ers did against the Chargers back in XXIX, or will the Bears grind it out against a much more potent offense than their own, like the Giants did against the Bills in XXV? Will a big special teams play turn the course of the game, like the Packers had in Desmond Howard against the Patriots in XXXI? all of these scenarios are possible; all you have to do is just pick one and hope it works out. When looking at Super Bowls, particularly ones more recent, two things come to mind.
A great defense tends to best a great offense.
With all the hype leading up to this game, many times it seems it takes a quarter or so for one team (or both) to get situated.
Another thing I look at is the secondary matchup. Sure the marquee contest is Indy’s offense against Chicago’s defense. However, the game will probably be determined when the other units are on the field. If the Colts defense stuffs the Bears offense, it’s over and vice versa. Because of everything I have mentioned above, I’m going with the Bears 23, Colts 20. I’m now expecting a 49-0 blowout of the Bears in a few hours.
• One sorta tradition I have done off and on during this time of the year is watching highlights from previous Super Bowls. I just watched a few hours’ worth this afternoon, and I have to say that I don’t like the seemingly recent trend of mentioning what the halftime show was about. The Eagles/Pats recap talked about Paul McCartney, and the Seahawks/Steelers show mentioned the Rolling Stones. Odd how the Panthers/Patriots mid-game entertainment wasn’t mentioned. I have to say I don’t like the “newer” Super Bowl recaps of the 90s-00s, but whatever. NFL Films knows more than me about the subject of video production.
10:45 p.m.
• The NFL announced this year's Hall of Fame class. Here are the finalists. The ones in bold were selected. Next to each one I'll give my insta-reaction as to how I would have voted for them. I will limit my selection to just five players.
Fred Dean: Who?
Richard Dent: Sure.
Russ Grimm: Tough one for me. My first thought was "not quite." Maybe if his coaching career continues to excel, then I'll say yeah.
Ray Guy: Yes. I know punters and field goal kickers are taboo in the HOF, but I'm a Ray Guy mark. Besides, he has an awesome name.
Gene Hickerson: Never heard of him.
Michael Irvin: I hated him as a player, but I like him as a commentator. I really enjoyed the banter he had with Rush during his brief ESPN stint. I may have said yes, but he wouldn't have been the first receiver I would have taken on this list.
Bob Kuechenberg: Shrug.
Bruce Matthews: Oh hell yes.
Art Monk: Yes. I don't care if he wasn't the flashiest or had the best stats. I feel bad he's not in the hall, and with other players that have bigger numbers on the way, I doubt Monk will ever get in.
Andre Reed: He'd be my second wide receiver choice, but do I have enough slots for him?
Charlie Sanders: Derp.
Paul Tagliabue: Was he a great commish? You bet. But Jesus Christ, he only retired in 2006!
Derrick Thomas: No. Great pass rusher, but I am only picking five.
Thurman Thomas: Great all-around back. I forgot he spent a year with the Dolphins.
Andre Tippett: No.
Roger Wehrli: Dunno. His bio thingy said he played cornerback from 1969-1982, so that says something.
Gary Zimmerman: I liked him as a player, but I have to say no this time around.
Who did I pick for my "Top 5"? Richard Dent, Ray Guy, Bruce Matthews, Art Monk and Thurman Thomas. Do I have any reasons for these picks? Yes. And they're selfish, stupid, biased and do not involve stats or any kind of in-depth research. Would you expect anything less?
5:15 p.m.
• Back in August I made some NFL predictions. Now let's go back and laugh. The italic lines are what I said six months ago.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
New England Patriots
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
New England Patriots
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills
Miami Dolphins
I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.
AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Shittsburgh Steelers
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns
AFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Shittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns
I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year.
AFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Indianapolis Colts
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Tennessee Titans
AFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
Indianapolis Colts
Tennessee Titans
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them.
AFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Denver Broncos
Kansas City Chiefs
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders
AFC WEST: REAL WORLD
San Diego Chargers
Kansas City Chiefs
Denver Broncos
Oakland Raiders
San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback.
NFC EAST: MY PREDICTION
Washington Redskins
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles
NFC EAST: REAL WORLD
Philadelphia Eagles
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Washington Redskins
Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will.
NFC NORTH: MY PREDICTION
Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers
NFC NORTH: REAL WORLD
Chicago Bears
Green Bay Packers
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?
NFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION
Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
NFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Atlanta Falcons
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose.
NFC WEST: MY PREDICTION
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals
San Francisco 49ers
NFC WEST: REAL WORLD
Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
San Francisco 49ers
Arizona Cardinals
The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.
FINAL TALLY:
If I got one point for every placement prediction I got right, my score would be 10 out of 32 for a .312 winning percentage, which is still as good or a better record than the Browns, Raiders, Redskins, Lions, Bucs and Cards.
3:15 p.m.
• Here is why you shouldn’t stay at the same job for too long, especially if you are working in an entry-level go-nowhere situation. I just heard that the theater I used to work at closed down a few weeks ago. Had I kept my customer-service job there (and why in the hell would I?), I’d be jobless. However, this bit of news is only one additional job I used to work that has since bit the dust. After working there I graduated from college and went to Sappy Valley, where I worked as a part-time copyeditor and cashier. Both of these positions have since been eliminated. In addition, the place I worked at in Ohio, from what I’ve been hearing, is really close to being shut down. And now the place where I work? Oh, man. I don't even know where to begin. There was also another store that I worked at from 1994-1996 that has long ceased operations. I will not count another store I worked at for a few weeks in December of 1998 because they were going out of business before I was even hired; I was on board for a few weeks because a number of workers quit after it was announced they would soon be jobless. Now one could deduct from this that I’m a cancer any place I work, but I like to think of this more like how a business can’t recover from my departure and all the productivity I brought. Yeah, that’s it.
