8 p.m.
• So today was primary day in my state, and this usually means a boring day at the polls. Not this time.
I have no clue who is running for what locally in these primaries. It really doesn’t matter anyway, considering the same candidates are on both tickets. However, I wanted to vote on two referendums. The first dealt with Fast Eddie’s desire to raise my taxes again. Fuck you, you piece of shit. You’re going to raise my taxes anyway, you rat bastard – there’s no way in hell I’m going to vote for it. Of course I voted “no” on this. However, the second referendum dealt with funding for our local hippie library. Want to know what I think about this issue? Peep this. Well, as I was walking into to the polling place, this woman was standing outside the fire hall entrance, and I knew she was going to pimp trying to keep this hippie library open. I try to treat these people the same way I treat children and those kiosk people at the mall. I ignore them. However, if they approach and fire the first shot, then I will fire back. Today was one of those days. Here’s how the exchange went.
“Do you have any questions about *name of ballot issue*?” She then handed me a flyer telling me to vote “No,” which means keeping funding as-is for the library.
“No. I’m voting to close it down,” and without missing a beat I head straight into the polling place.
Game. Set Match.
After several minutes, the better half stormed into the polling place, slapped me on my shoulder and said “what the hell is wrong with you?” I said, “what?” However, I knew what was coming because I heard that woman say Mrs. kkk "is he serious?"
Mrs. kkk: “Did you see the look on that woman’s face.”
Me: “No, why?”
Mrs. kkk: “She said to me ‘is he serious?’ and then asked me if I was your wife.”
Me: “And what did you say?”
Mrs. kkk: “I have never been so embarrassed in my life.”
Too fucking bad. If you’re one of those grassroots lobbyists, then you better be prepared to deal with people that disagree with you. If you can’t take it, then get the fuck out of my way and let me cast my vote. I’m not going to cower because some person isn’t going to agree with my opinion. If you want to make your issue preference known, then I will, too. Oh, and I voted for some right-wing judge for state supreme court. The other candidates I didn’t vote for because I didn’t know who they were. But this wasn’t the only instance today in which I pissed off the better half…
kkk twin-spin
After voting against the library so grandma will have to get internet access on her own, it was time for grocery shopping. Now Mrs. kkk wanted to get two 24 packs of Pepsi for $10 because her church is having some “burger bash” fundraiser, and they were in need of beverages to sell for $1 a piece. The following conversation took place in the parking lot.
Me: “So we’re getting $10 of pop so your church can gouge its customers?”
Mrs. kkk: “It’s for a good cause.”
Me: “So your church is telling you to take a can of pop you bought for twenty cents and mark-up the price fivefold. What would Jesus think?”
Mrs. kkk:“*something about how Jesus would approve or something*”
Me: “I’d like to know how much he charged when he made all that bread and fish. Overcharging Jews; no wonder he got crucified.”
Mrs. kkk: “That is so wrong on so many levels.”
Oh, and the better half voted for the library. Bitch.
9:15 p.m.
• I’m sure there are a few things being left out of this story, but for now I’ll say go ahead and sue. Look, it’s rated R and the kid is 12. She wouldn’t be allowed to watch this film by herself in the theaters, so at the very least her parents/guardians should have been alerted ahead of time by the government school that this film was going to be shown.
Like I said above, I’m sure there is something being left out: they only saw some snippet of the movie that had no indication of which cowboy was pitching and which one was catching. Now that I think about it, my one horticulture teacher in high school played a few R-rated movies, but we were all 15-17 years of age, not 12. Actually, we had one black/Indian/whatever kid in our class who was a star on our basketball team, and there was a film playing where some kid gets stranded in the jungle and was being raised by monkeys. When there was a scene with several chips screaming, some kid (and no it wasn’t me) said to this kid “there’s your mom.” Ah, juvenile humor. Shit, who am I kidding, I’d laugh at that now. When I was a freshman in high school we had some Iranian-or-close-enough kid who got razzed by one of his friends in class during the first Gulf War when he was asked if his house got bombed last night. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. R-rated movies. Our high school (or was it middle school? Christ I can’t remember) played “The Goonies” as a pre-Christmas break assembly one year, and some parent got pissed off because it was “inappropriate.” Not sure what became of it, but we didn’t watch one of those “American Tale” movies the next year, which was the big rumor. I remember a few times as a kid when “Ghostbusters” was played, much to the chagrin of some parents. Wow, and to think back then the line, “This guy has no dick” was big shit.
• And speaking of R-rated movies, I HATED carding people at the theater, although it was amusing to ask a group of teens for a driver’s license and none of them would have one available, which was odd because someone had to drive them. I never really got a good response to this question. I didn’t really care if some 16-year old wanted to see “Scream” without mom or dad with him, but my Nazi managers would, so I had to do what I did to keep from getting nagged out. Besides, it’s not that hard to buy a PG-13 ticket and then slip into the R-rated film minutes later. Now where am I going with this? Who know, who cares.
• So JJ had to get a bath yesterday. I don’t know why the better half insists on washing him, because after a day or so he stinks again. There’s nothing you can do about it – that’s how he was made and that’s how he will be. But no, we humans try to defy nature. Well, yesterday JJ for some reason trotted into the bathroom right as Mrs. kkk was getting the shampoo and towels out. This gave us the chance to isolate him in the bathroom rather than chasing him all over the house. The second the door closed he knew the jig was up and began crying at the top of his lungs. Jesus Christ. He then began scurrying around the bathroom, like that would help. Once there was some water in the tub it was time for JJ to take his dip.
8:15 p.m.
• Every Mother’s Day the in-laws take the family out to lunch/dinner at some restaurant. Every year, the mother-in-law gets pissed off with the service and/or food and we will “never” go there again, so each year it’s something different. This year it was some crappy local Italian restaurant, and it doesn’t take much for me to be happy at an eatery but today wasn’t one of those times. Good God was this food shit. Oh well, it wasn’t my money. Oh, and the crack whore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter were here, and the niece almost fell asleep at the table. I just thank Christ I was on the other side of the four tables that were arranged to accommodate us.
• Last night Lesson in Machismo and I were talking about some old-school rap. Well, I shouldn’t say old-school, because one person’s “old-school” is another’s “hey I grew up listening to that shit? You want ‘old school,’ listen to *insert name of group that was prominent 10 years prior.*” I remember one night back in the late 1990s while watching Rap City’s “Old School Wednesday,” they played Del the Funky Homosapien’s “Catch a Bad One.” Uh, that song was released back in ’93 and it’s classified “Old School”? This was 1997 (or ’98) – four years is “old”? Oy. Anyway, it was a pleasant trip down memory lane, especially when this was brought up. Oh hell yeah.
And while I’m on this topic. WTF?
Some folks have WAY too much time on their hands, and that’s coming from me of all people. You want my kkkommentary on this song? Here it is:
1) I love how the Cube’s vehicle is chasing the bootleggers through the fog, but the atmosphere is clear and the sky is blue when there’s a close up of O’Shea Jackson (OMG REAL NAME/BREAKING KEYFABE~!) driving.
2) My favorite image in this whole video (besides the tunnel beatdown at the 2:00 mark) is at the 2:28 mark when some huge guy to the far right in Cube’s gang is running after the bootleggers and turns his head to the side. It might be hard to see on a computer scree, but when seen on TV it's more obvious.
3) Right after Mr. Beefy’s head turn is one of the funniest pseudo-beat downs I’ve ever seen. Honorable mentions goes to some guy in the right side of the screen at the 2:27 mark and some guy hitting another over the head with a record cover at the 2:35 mark. But my favorite is the same guy from the 2:27 mark looking at the camera while “pummeling” his victim at the 2:32 mark.
What a great song. What a great video.
But I don’t party and shake my BUTT
I leave that to the brothers with the funny haircuts
And it’ll drive you nuts
Steal your beat, and give it that gangsta touch.
11:30 p.m.
• Huh? I entered this in on Saturday and it's reading this as having been posted on a Sunday. Oh well, must be a time-zone/setting thing.
• No offense, but I’d rather have my cops adopt the “warrior culture” than the "Frenchie culture." And by "Frenchie culture," I'm talking about officers running away – not smelling bad.
• I get that this Bode Miller guy isn’t liked by some, but is he really that big a public figure that his name needs dropped when a relative of his kills an officer of the law? Oh, and thank God that piece of shit cousin of his is dead.
• Oh great, now with reporters getting their beats outsourced, I can expect some hysteria in the near future about the horrible economy.
Back in the ‘90s when we had the GREATEST ECONOMY OF ALL TIME BILL CLINTON, I always felt this “boom” was a bit overblown, mostly in part because the media was close to this tech bubble thing. I’m not saying this was a LIBERAL BIAS~! thing; just a “Bob from sports has just quit his job to be a writer for this local Internet start-up. Boy, this economy must be great" thing. Then when the tech bubble burst, and these writing/PR/marketing jobs were the first to be axed, I felt the great recession of the early ‘00s was a bit exaggerated as well. My proof for all of this? Nothing. Just remembering what I read during this time.
• For those that actually care about the groundhog living under my backyard shed, he popped out today to munch on some grass.
He seems to get fatter each year; one day I think he won’t be able to fit back into his crib. Hey, he’s not bothering anyone so I let him live his life. Besides, it’s fun to knock on the back door and watch him bolt back under the shed.
And speaking of lazy animals, here’s JJ today earning his keep.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 26: BX
I don’t know why BX would be shocked that I would actually vote for him in a TSM Poster Contest. Just because I disagree with 99.999999999 percent of what someone thinks regarding politics (and I’m still waiting for that 0.000000001 percent of something we agree on) doesn't mean I have to hate him for it. And besides, there are other things to talk about besides whether or not George W. Bush is the devil. Take the Return of the King for example (at the time the spoiler tags weren’t there). And finally, I, along with anyone who remembers when the Current Events folder was worth reading, hope that BX savors this ranking, because I don’t think he’ll be getting on this kind of list with a certain poster from South Carolina any time in the near future.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From SFA Jack:
9:15 p.m.
• I just learned an important lesson (well, I didn't learn it since it was something I already knew, but you know what I'm talking about -- I hope). Never walk in front of the better half’s viewing area when the “Ghost Whisperer” is on. Jesus Christ. Bitch walks in front of me while I’m playing MVP Baseball and facing a 3-2 count with the bases loaded all the time. So just to be an asshole when I went to the ‘fridge and got something to drink and did a military crawl under the TV picture so I wouldn’t obstruct her line of sight to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s tits acting performance. Speaking of MVP, I had some guy in AAA who was a bench player but had decent power, so I put him in as my full-time DH. He was my most productive player at that level power-wise and cranked a three-run round-tripper last night only to rupture his ACL during a routine run to home plate as my other player grounded into an inning’s third out. Mother fucker.
Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down~!
Lord Jamar will live long, ‘cuz I give strong blows to the heads of my foes.
You know, with the homophobic lyrics Brand Nubian has spit over the years. that’s a pretty gay line up there.
Oh, shit. This is the season finale of the “Ghost Whisperer.” I guess Mrs. kkk will want to spend quality time shit now that show and the other one which comes on after that will be done for the summer.
8:45 p.m.
• Smues recent entry about housing costs gave me a flashback, so let’s go into the time machine.
It was in the early 2000s and the better half and I moved to the lovely community of Middletown, Ohio. I’ve said on occasion what I think of this little slice of Americana; when I got off of I-75 and took the Middletown exit I was rather pleased with what I saw. Some minor development – a mall here, a grocery store there. A small town feel. My type of place.
Then I began to drive inbound toward “downtown” Middletown. And I got scared. Real scared. More than one time I thought to myself, “We’re actually going to live here?” The up-and-coming property and housing developments quickly faded to this red-neck villa that I just escaped from Sappy Valley. However, the housing complex we had a lease with was a pretty nice place; it was clearly an oasis in a sea of white trash. And to top it off, our townhouse was spacious and had central air. And the rent was only $700/month. I was as happy as a pig in shit.’
Why am I talking about this? Because some time after we got situated, my old man and his wife stopped by. When I lived in southwestern Ohio, he would often stop by for a night before heading out to Nebraska to visit my half-brother before going to Colorado to visit my step-mom’s one adult offspring. Well, having just left Sappy Valley where an apartment off-campus ran you more than the cost for this townhouse, I was liking my living situation. Problem is my old man is one of those people who no matter what the deal is, the price is still too much. As I was showing him around he of course asked how much was I paying. Like an idiot, I said the price, which of course sparked OUTRAGE~! Then my step-mom countered with something that actually shut the old man up, commenting on the trailer they were living in at the time..
“Bill, we pay $350/month for a hole in the ground.”
Silence.
Game. Set. Match.
I should mention that later that day he said to save money I should use sawdust and newspaper as cat litter instead of that fancy stuff I was using. He then commented on why two litter boxes that were used by three cats would stink after six days of usage. Sigh.
8:30 p.m.
• I knew this was coming, but I can't help it.
8:30 p.m.
• Oh for Christ’s sake. I heard about this a year or so ago during a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show, and now they’re actually going through with this.
6:30 p.m.
• Swift Terror talked about George Lucas calling “Spiderman 3” silly. I consider myself a Star Wars mark. I don’t care about all the books that took place after “Return of the Jedi.” I don’t care that Luke Skywalker ran a Jedi school while Leia popped out a few Solo babies. (I also have both volumes of that “Clone Wars” animated cartoon, and I like it.) Give me Episodes VI, V and VI. OK, you know what? I’ll even take Episodes I, II and III. Sure the prequels aren’t nearly as good as the pre-sequels, or whatever you call them, but it’s like voting for your political party even if you don’t care too much for the candidate or rooting for your hometown team no matter who is on the roster. It’s a blind loyalty for better or for worse, but before Lucas calls any of the Spiderman movies “silly,” he needs to look at himself in the mirror and ask...
E’ zOmE pEePlE gOiN’ DiE~!?
Actually, the two lines that make me cringe are “Jar-Jar, you in some big doo-doo this time,” and “I don’t care what plant you’re from, that’s gotta hurt.” (I probably don’t have them as exact quotes, but they’re close enough.)
And regarding the Spiderman movies. I’m not a comic book guy, but from my limited experiences with this industry, my four favorite characters are the Punisher, Batman, Sgt. Rock and Spiderman. And the Spidey movies have been solid. My only complaint has been that in the second film it seemed every other minute had some chick screaming at the top of their lungs, which got annoying quick. Hey, it’s a guy with metal arms. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Look, some train is going to crash into a dead end. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Uh oh, there’s a big ball of energy coming from that abandoned building down by the river. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! But this inconvenience was more than made up for with J. Jonah Jameson (being a journalism student I really appreciate this character), Bruce Campbell (again) and that brief homage to Director Sam Rami’s “Evildead” days in the operating room.
11 a.m.
• Pirates 0, Cubs 1
:lol: :lol:
What, you're expecting some sort of commentary like other people here do? I'm surprised they are only four games below .500; it's a shame that my one friend from Ohio may be visiting this summer, thus forcing me to possibly head over to PNC Park. The things I do for some people.
9:30 p.m.
• This might be fun. How do I compare with the rest of the world in terms of technology use and acceptance?
I’m sure the “creatively” part could be up for debate, but due to what you’re reading now I guess I’m one of these.
I annoy people on AIM and use e-mail for work a lot, but I'd still put me in the group above over this one.
I guess, but I don't visit TSM as a job necessity. Well, I go on TSM during work hours, but I do so for different reasons.
Hmm, I guess it depends on your definition of “thrilled.” I like e-mail, AIM and the Internet in general. However, I don’t wank to the newest edition of Instant Messenger. I also have no use for text messaging and don’t own an iPod. Guess I'm an Omnivore.
Sadly, I think I may be falling into my niche due to the fact I think texting is retarded. I also don’t have a cell phone. Nobody calls me on my land-line phone, so why should I bother with another way for people I don’t want to talk to bother me? I can’t wait to see what comes down the pipeline in the years ahead, just so I can bitch and moan while saying, “Back in my day we only had cable high-speed connections … and we liked it!”
6:30 p.m.
• So there I was Sunday morning with ESPN’s “Sports Reporters” on as background noise when I heard one putz (Mitch Albom) complain about the Detroit Red Wings having to play in the Western Conference, thus making their playoff games come on late at night. As long as I can remember, the Wings have been a “Western Conference” team. Back when I was growing up they shared a division (Norris?) with teams from Chicago, St. Louis and Minnesota. So let’s see who they share a division with now.
Central Division: Nashville, St. Louis, Columbus, Chicago.
Hmm, fair enough. But why are they in the WESTERN Conference? After all, Mitch said that Detroit is a more eastern/central city. Well, let’s see how many teams are to the east of Motown in the NHL’s Eastern Conference.
New Jersey -- East
Shittsburgh -- East
New York -- East
Philadelphia -- East
Buffalo – East
Ottawa – East
Montreal – East
Toronto – East
Boston – East
Atlanta – East
Tampa Bay – East
Carolina – East
Florida – East
Washington, DC – East
Yeah, I don’t know why the Red Wings play in the West. No clue at all.
7:45 p.m.
• So I wasn’t feeling too inspired to write anything, seeing how I just spent 90 minutes out in the yard uprooting some shit. Jesus Christ, large roots are the suq. Anyway, I went over to the other place and found the following story. Leave it up to good ol’ Jesse Jackson and his poverty pimp posse to give me today’s installment of OMG BASEBALL IS A WHITE MAN’S GAME (except for all those Hispanics)~!
Hey, I got an idea. How about Rainbow PUSH open up its own scouting firm so they can show to those cracker general managers what they’re missing by not putting their resources to searching the ghetto for the next baseball great rather than, oh, I dunno, the Latin American market?
• Big Travel worse than Big Tobacco?
Wouldn’t “binge flying” be those Hollywood types hopping on private jets on a whim to zip from their 50,000 square-foot residence to their vacation home in Europe?
• I never liked Mickey Mouse, but his Muslim brother were around when I was a kid, I might have joined his club.
Awesome.
8:45 p.m.
• Speaking of road rage (see 4 p.m. entry), I forgot about this little gem of a story from last week. As I was driving on the Parkway West this guy in some silver car was tailgating me. Seeing how I was in the right lane and going 10 mph over the speed limit, I did what I always do in this situation. I put on the brakes. Once we went through these nearby tunnels, this guy decided to pass me, and pass me he did. He passed me so fast you could hear the “vroom vroom” as he began his passage. Boy did he sure pass me. However, the red pickup truck in front of me wasn’t aware of the other guy’s passing, and when the red truck decided to go into the lane the “vroom” guy was passing me up on, a whole bunch of hilarity ensued. They were literally inches away from getting into a rather serious accident. I would have loved to have been a witness at this accident. “Yes, officer, I saw it all. The guy in the gray car was gong well over the speed limit to pass me up almost ran into the driver in the red truck who didn’t put on his turn signal as he switched lanes.”
• So rooting against Barry Bonds is RACIST? Only from an ESPN poll.
Do I hate Barry Bonds? You bet. Did he use roids? Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not. My favorite part of this whole story is Hank Aaron not caring one bit about Bonds’ homer chase. I’m sure the same black people who don’t believe Bonds took roids are probably the same ones who think the LAPD set up O.J. Simpson when his ex-wife died at the hands of some Puerto Rican guy.
4 p.m.
• Well this was interesting. I was driving home from work this afternoon when I encountered an … interesting road rage moment. In order to get onto the Parkway West inbound – the first leg of my weekday journey home – I have to first merge onto this stretch of interstate. Now my rule on letting people merge into my lane may seem cruel, but it’s for the greater good. If there is no room for you to merge, you wait until there’s an opening. I’m not slowing down at risk of getting rear-ended by someone going twice the speed limit just so you can shave 30 seconds off your commute. “But kkk,” you may ask, “you just said you were waiting to merge, not the other way around.” True. And I try to practice what I preach. If there is no opening for me, I’ll wait. As I was waiting an opening presented itself, which I began to speed up for. However, at that time an aqua sports car zoomed out of one lane into the lane I was about to get into. No problem, I thought, I’ll just go in my merging lane and wait for this idiot to pass me, at which time I’ll get on the interstate behind him. I did this. This person got to continue driving way over the 55 mph speed limit, I got to safely merge onto the parkway, and I didn’t get to cause any OUTRAGE with someone who would have claimed I had cut her off. Fine and dandy for all.
Or so I thought.
As the bitch passed me and I got in the lane right behind her, she flipped me off. Wha-wha-what? Now normally this is the time where I fight back, but I let this one slide. I must have let this go because of the weather. Clear skies, no humidity, plenty of sun. Oh if it could only be like this all the time.
6:45 p.m.
• OK, so the out-of-control niece-in-law is leaving her grandmother’s crib because … well, I don’t know exactly why. She doesn’t pay rent. Doesn’t pay bills. Doesn’t do laundry. Doesn’t cook. Oh, I remember. Wait a minute, no I don’t. She’s getting a two-bedroom apartment with some other late teen/early 20ish chick who already has two kids from two different daddies. This will end nicely, and I can’t wait.
But the story gets better. My crack-whore sister-in-law? The one who squirted out the out-of-control niece 20 years ago? Well, she just won her Social Security Disability case, so now not only will she be getting a steady paycheck, but also she’ll be receiving back “pay” from when she began applying several years ago. How much is she getting, you ask.
$40,000.
That’s right. FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.
This doesn’t surprise me. Seriously, what’s the point in trying to get ahead in life when all you have to do is get drunk every night and get addicted to any kind of drug that can be smoked, swallowed or injected? Whenever I hear liberals whine about spending cuts that “hurt the poor,” I say “good.” Remember, when you start to feel bad about EEEEEVIL Republicans wanting to take food from the mouths of innocent children and single mothers, think about my crack-whore sister-in-law and about how she “earned” $40k just for contracting hepatitis through dirty heroin needles. Yep, that’s where your tax money is going – not down the drain, but rather into her vein.
What clinched her disability was a liver biopsy which showed that on a scale from 1 to 4, with 1 being the most critical liver state and 4 being a healthy liver, she scored a 1. So instead of perusing the classifieds trying to get another job that pays a bit more than your current place of employment, instead of going back to school to get an advanced degree in hopes of landing a better-paying job, just go to the nearest crack house and fuck your body up beyond belief through your own irresponsible choices. Only then will you get to live the American dream – sitting at home with free health care and a steady paycheck.
6 p.m.
• Well, this headline sums it all up quite nicely.
Don't blame me. I won't be voting for your wife.
12:30 p.m.
• So the better half was cleaning the kids drinking fountain when a piece that she removed wouldn't fit back properly. She got mad and went to get a hammer to put the piece back in place. She's now at the pet store getting another water fountain. I'm shocked.
• In my redneck of the woods, there’s a ballot initiative in a few weeks about whether to support the local public library or to take a TAX CUT FOR THE RICH SO WE CAN ALL GET NEW RIMS FOR OUR PORCHES.
Yeah, I’ll be sure to vote “No” in this election (A “No” vote means the tax stays in place)… NOT!
Way to effectively manage this public institution, shitheads. If you wouldn’t have moved the library out of the town it was supposed to serve, you wouldn’t be shitting bricks about us yokels with our pitchforks and torches wanting to kick your collective asses to the curb. I got this multi-color brochure in the mail yesterday begging me to support the library, and in it was some testimonials which were funny as hell.
“The Library is the best thing that happened to North Huntingdon since I moved here 30 years ago.” Vicki Rose.
What the fuck? After 30 years of development, the best thing to come to this place is a LIBRARY?! Screw that grocery store, screw the new businesses that sprang up. Screw the new houses and roads. It’s the LIBRARY that keeps my town together. Here’s another one.
“I’m 80 years old. I don’t own a computer. Last year I attended classes at the Nborwin Public Library and learned to use a computer and the Internet. WOW!” Meccy Grapes.
So not only are my taxes going to fund your Social Security, prescription drugs and free mass transit passes, but also I’m now paying for you to download porn? Kiss my ass, granny.
“The library offers the gift of access to all of us. This is its true value.” Dana Krydick, Library Consultant.
Well no shit you would say this. And this “gift of access” is for those too cheap to spring for their own computer and Internet access. I would say “poor” along with “cheap,” but since you people moved from a more residential location to a more business-concentrated area, if someone can afford to drive a car to play around with the Internet then they can afford a computer/internet connection of their own. And if they can’t afford this minor expense, they can use that time they’re spending on-line to get a job.
Yeah, I know I’m a terrible human being, but it’s fun being an asshole to the poor, children, elderly and minorities. Sadly, we haven’t been invaded with ghetto folk from Shittsburgh (that’s probably about 20-30 years down the line), but I can disenfranchise three out of four oppressed groups, and that ain’t bad. Besides, if an AARP activist is for repealing this tax, and the AARP is going to turn out for this vote in lockstep, then it really doesn’t matter how I vote.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 27: Porter
Aside from being a fixture in the always-competitive AFC West Division of my kkk Bowl league, Porter has been more than accommodating on AIM whenever I’ve had a question (or seven) about MVP Baseball 2005. And believe me, I’ve taken advantage of this resource available to me. But I’m not the only poster he tries to help out – he’s been a spokesperson for the then-suspended-now-banned-Damaramu. I also agree with him regarding Bob Ryan looking out of place on “Around the Horn.” I remember him as a fixture on the Sports Reporters (not sure how often he is on there nowadays), and when he doesn’t appear bored on ATH, he doesn’t look all that thrilled about being on the panel.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From SFA Jack:
2 p.m.
• Oh the joys of carpooling. There are a number of times when I have to stay late to pick up the better half from her job. OK. I stayed 90 minutes late yesterday because one of her crazy people came in late (big surprise) for an interview. Because of this we are leaving early today from our jobs. Did I say we are leaving early? I meant I'm waiting for her to return my "time to leave" call. Christ, I'm so checked out of the door right now it's not funny. I've been calling her voice mail for non-stop for the last 15 minutes leaving messages. I've never done the "psycho spouse calling every 10 seconds" routine before, but I figured I might as well see how fast I can type this entry while dialing her work number and leaving messages. I was able to do three while typing.
1:30 p.m.
• Remember all that stuff I said about number-eight seeds beating number-one seeds in the NBA playoffs a while back?
Nevermind.
Remember my NBA Playoff predictions from a while back?
Nevermind.
Wow. Just wow. And fittingly, like any Don Nelson Golden State team, this one as well won’t make it out of the second round. Why do I have a feeling I’ll be referencing this thread a week or two from now?
• Well the Republican Presidential hopefuls debated last night. Don’t care. Didn’t watch it. Why waste my time listening to a bunch of crap that the Party had a chance to do for the last dozen years? It doesn’t matter who gets nominated, I’ll be voting for them against Hitlery or Barack Osama.
• So the U.S. is electing commies and the Frenchies are electing conservatives?
I know nothing about what’s going on over there, but I’m sure “right-wing” over in France means, “We only want to tax you at 85 percent instead of 90 percent.” Either way, if this guy wins there have been threats of rioting. Oh that should be fun. Unless they are Muslims, I don’t see any of these unruly Europeans rioting for longer than six hours per workday. That is unless the topic du jour involves soccer [or football for those across the Pond].
• I kept my mouth shut about that Cardinals pitcher who crashed into a tow truck a week or so ago because I wanted to see if he was shit-faced or not. Now I know.
Fuck him. Congrats, ESPN, for having a special edition of "Baseball Tonight" for this shithead who could have killed someone besides himself. I don't care what his ERA is or how many wins and championships he has racked up. Thank God he only offed himself.
• Poor Kobe Bryant. First he didn’t like sharing the ball with a future hall of famer, and now he wants a better supporting cast.
I used to be a Kobe fan (well maybe not a fan, but I had no problem with him) back when he played alongside Shaq, but when this duo split up the line was drawn in the sand: you were either with O’Neal or Bryant. I chose the former. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s because Shaqueille has made several thuggish ruggish rap albums. Yeah, that’s got to be it. In honor of this, I got Shaq Diesel playing now.
I’ll treat you like Spielberg/you get Jur-ass kicked in the park.
Yes, it’s going to be one of these entries.
I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be able to work with a teammate that could win championship ring after championship ring. Then again, I’m not a pro athlete so what do I know about the pressures of making millions of dollars for playing basketball? If I had to share a locker shower room with O’Neal, I’d probably be pissed off, too. And for the record, I don't think Kobe raped that Colorado chick. But it serves him right for fucking around with those white girls.
My Ford Explorer boomin' with the clumped-up funk,
all you jealous punks can't stop my dunks,
they're brand new like Heavy,
built like Chevy, Impala,
but Shaq's a smooth balla,
(yeah, but what about rhymin?)
I can hold my own,
knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone.
Not even...
About to get busy like Gomer Pyle
...can compete with that one.
• Hey, W. might use the ol’ veto pen again.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. Fuck hate crimes. If some black guy calls me a no-good cracker while jacking me for my scrillia scratch, I want him to get the same punishment as he wouldn’t have said anything. Of course, I’d want the person to be hung from a tree. Wait a second, that might appear RACIST. How about hanging from a telephone pole? Yeah, that’ll work.
• Woah woah woah.
Five years. $40 million. Don Imus would have made EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR?!
• Why in the bloody hell is this even a story?
OK, the last part here is worth the newsprint/bandwidth.
10 p.m.
• You know, sometimes when you work for idiots you really want to get the hell out of there. However, there’s something that keeps me from really looking for another job. That reason? Because this place is awesome – in a trainwreck sort of way. Our Marketing Director, which is a fancy way to say “head insurance salesman,” gets boned at every turn at this place and today may have been the final straw. Long story short. Late last month he attended this public event to meet and greet/press the flesh/do that sales stuff which keeps the wheels of commerce spinning. And yesterday he turned in his expense report. Today he got called up and got scolded for a $600 tab. He was gone for three days in Michigan. All he put down was the daily per diem and mileage. He didn’t add anything for food, tolls or other expenses, like, say the RENTAL CAR he got because his two vehicles were in the shop. Here’s how it broke down:
Hotel: More than $100 per night for three nights.
Mileage. Just under $300 round-trip from Shittsburgh to Michigan.
Oh, and this is the first time after more than two years on the job that he turned in a per diem expense. (He didn't even know he was allowed to turn in a per diem for events like this until earlier this year when he told the one idiot that he couldn't afford to keep going to these out-of-state events. That's when the idiot said, "You can put your hotel costs on an expense report." This is the same idiot that gave my co-worker his orientation at this place; I would have thought per diems would have been mentioned when my poor co-worker is "encouraged" to travel as often as possible.) Did I mention he has a "Marketing Budget" of $5,000 that he hasn't been allowed to spend at all this year? After this confrontation, my partner in crime began the day’s job search and had an interview at 3:15 p.m. with a place that knows in 2006 my co-worker did more businesses than the top four producers at the next busiest organization in our field. If he leaves within the next few days I’m going to have a grand ol’ time at work, especially since that will mean my idiot bosses will be too pre-occupied trying to play damage control when my co-worker sends out correspondence describing exactly why he left, which means I’ll be left alone even more than usual. Good times, I say.
• Even though the Smues household may be paying more than he would like for car insurance on a 2000 Ford Ranger that has been driven 115,000+ miles, it could have been worse. The future Mrs. Smues could have had a guy with a penis pendant sell her the car.
• Oh good lord.
9 p.m.
• So I finally saw that Jeff Gordon video where his car gets pelted with beer after winning some race that put him past the late Dale Earnhardt in the wins total, or something like that.
Holy crap was that funny. I’ve said before I’m not a NASCAR fan, so I don’t know shit about caution flags, points or changing tires in 4 seconds. Back in the late 1990s when I worked third shift at a yearbook publishing center in Sappy Valley, a few people around me would always talk NASCAR. Of course I had no idea what they were fighting about, but one thing I took from their heated debates was that you were either a Gordon fan or an Earnhardt fan. If that’s the case, I probably would be in the Earnhardt camp. But like I said above, that video was hilarious. Good job, Alabama. For some reason the first thought to pop into my head after seeing this was that faux commercial South Park did a while back titled “Alabama Man.”
• In keeping up with the San Fran theme from the 1:30 p.m. entry, here's another story that was conceived in this city.
Nonpartisan my ass. None of those six e-cards went with my submission, which was "Think of all the money you just saved on clothes, food and college tuition." When someone has a living being sucked out of them, you need them to focus on the positive.
Oh I sense future government intervention on this one forcing Big Greeting Card to sell something for this kind of occasion. What do you want Hallmark to do -- have these cards on the rack next to the "newborn," or "baby's first birthday" offerings?
1:30 p.m.
• So San Fran's tops for pets. I'm sure there's a gerbil/hamster joke to be made here, but I'm above such juvenile tomfoolery.
Seattle and Portland I understand, but DC?! I guess they only shoot humans, not pets. Actually, the amount of respect I have for Washington has just increased.
9:30 p.m.
Time for another pic of the kids.
For those that remember the picture of Max trying to pal up with Dessa on the bed, this one was taken a bit more recently. As you can clearly see by the look on her face, Dessa has really warmed up to Max in the 2+ years we've had him. It's quite amusing to watch all three of them fight over domain of the recliner.
12:15 p.m.
• Wow, even four out of the five Communists on the High Court agreed with the more conservative judges on this one.
Awww, poor baby. Hey Harris. Fuck you. I hope you remember what a dumbfuck you were every time your diaper needs to be changed.
I’ve heard the complaints from those that say these things put the public in danger, and if someone lost a family or friend because some shithead was going 80 mph in a residential area in an attempt to get away from the po-pos because he has a warrant out for his arrest, then I feel your pain. However, instead of taking it out on the cops, how about taking it out on the, oh, I don’t know, CRIMINALS? I’ve advocated for years that people who engage the cops on high-speed car chases should have an attempted murder count charged against them for every motorist they pass by.
• So I heard on the radio that the Warriors are up three games to one on the Mavericks. Now that's funny.
9:45 p.m.
• I just turned off the Nets/Raptors game. New Jersey is up by THIRTY POINTS?! I'm sure there's a "that's only 12 points after the Canadian exchange rate" joke to be made, but damn. I guess Toronto didn't want to play past April.
4:29 p.m.
• So I just spent the afternoon playing f’n Bingo with the better half at her church. The mother in-law was going to attend but couldn’t due to visitation with her granddaughter, so guess who was the lucky duck that got to take her place? Yep. Out of approximately 100 people in attendance looking for B-15s and O-72s, there were only three males in attendance, and I was one of them. In addition, I’m quite certain there was only one person there younger than me and Mrs. kkk. Boy do old people love their Bingo. Not only Bingo, but all the little gambling games that take place at one of these events: raffles, scratch-off games, SUPER SPECIAL BINGO CARDS for when games like “Crazy T” and “Fill the Card” are needed when the usual Bingo games aren’t enough to satisfy your fix. When I came into this place there was a poster showing all the ways to win at the regular Bingo games. You had the five across, down and diagonal. OK. Then there was “postage stamp,” where you had to get the top four numbers on upper right-hand side of your card. Big star, little star, four outer corner, four inner corners. Christ, how am I supposed to remember all this shit? And one of the house rules was that you had to call Bingo before the next number was called or else it’s null and void. Then you had the old ladies sitting around you going, “What did he say?” after every other number was called. No wonder telemarketers go after these easy targets.
After leaving winless we headed over to the local gas station to get mulch. I mention this because last year the better half was doing some landscaping around the house, and she told me to go and get a dozen or so bags of mulch. I asked what kind she wanted. Her response: “Get whatever.” So I did. I got this black mulch. I guess “whatever” means “anything other than black.” When I brought these bags home the following conversation took place.
Her: “What’s this?”
Me: “Mulch.”
Her: “It’s black.”
Me: “And?”
Her: “Well I didn’t want black.”
Me: “You said ‘get whatever.’”
Her: “But we don’t use black mulch.”
Me: “We do now.”
A funny thing happened when we used this black mulch. It actually turned out pretty darn good. So good in fact, that the mother in-law used the same color that year for her flowerbed. When we went out to get mulch today, the better half complained because the mulch available at the gas station was either in red or brown color. Because of this she dropped me off at home and headed to Home Depot to buy mulch that’s 83 cents more expensive per bag than the Quickie Mart mulch. But guess what color mulch Mrs. kkk is paying more money to get? Yep.
3:30 p.m.
• I had a weird dream last night. I don’t remember much of it, but I ended up sitting at a table at my college making change for people. These two college guys walked up and one gave me a $50 bill and said he wanted a bunch of $1s. I started counting from my stash, and when I was around the $30ish dollar mark the guy who didn’t give me the $50 suddenly took the $50 bill and walked away. I was just about to give the other guy his change and then a voice sounding like mine said to me in the dream, “Hey dipshit, they’re ripping you off!” The voice said, “Wake up, idiot!” I did. I’ve done this before whenever I didn’t like how a dream was going for me; I just say in the dream, “OK, I’ve had enough. Wake up.” Good thing I haven’t yet done this get-out-of-dream-now stunt while making (depending on my mood) either Eliza Dusku, Rose McGowan or Jennifer Love Hewitt’s eyes roll to the back of their head.
• Even though I have no idea who any of these college football players are, I’ve been watching this year’s NFL draft since noon. LOL at Brady Quinn. Then again, if he gets drafted to a good team, I’d say that’s worth the few million extra he would have made had he gone in the top five spots. Here’s another thing. Shut the hell up Steve Young. OMG, the Packers aren’t getting Bret Favre any help. The guy’s in his 17th year – I hope for Green Bay’s sake they aren’t making picks with the mindset of, “Gee, I hope Brett approves of this.” Instead the Packers took some defensive tackle from Tennessee. Is this guy any good? I have no idea. But it’s funny as hell watching Chris Mortensen beat down Young when talking about who should the Packers draft in the first round.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 28: Gert T
Along with being kkk Bowl I champ, Gert T shares a common bond with me and hawk34/choken/whoever. Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about. This is not a good thing. Then again, there’s something special about many of the experiences I had in this little southwestern Ohio city, such as this one.
It was an early summer evening and I had some of my cats out on their leashes exploring the front yard. Yes, they had leashes (I still have them, although they haven’t been used in years). Anyway, this black lady is walking down the street and the following conversation takes place.
Her: “You got any cigarettes?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any alcohol?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any weed?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You no fun.”
Me: *Reels in cats before she tries to sell them for crack.*
She walked down the block and stopped to talk to these two black guys who pulled up next to her in their hooptie. Oh Middletown. What was I talking about again?
3 p.m.
• OK, so I work on the first floor of a three-floor building. A while back the owners of this building (their business is on the second floor) decided to remodel the first-floor bathrooms. It was ladies first, and for several weeks (Or was it more than a month? Who knows, who cares.) all the bitches on my floor had to walk up a floor in order to pinch a load. Trust me, if I were a chick I’d rather walk up and down a flight of stairs to pee than do my business in this men’s room. I always hold my breath when going in this room to pee due to the funk some of my floormates emanate while reading the newspaper when on the shitter. Well, now it’s the guy’s turn to be without a floor potty. Now I’m a man of rules. I recently scolded LessoninMachismo via PM for breaking the express lane’s 20 items or less code of conduct. I punch myself in the shoulder when I forget to put on my turn signal when changing lanes on a somewhat busy multi-lane road. But so far this week I’ve crept into the ladies room in the early morning whenever I have to go number one after drinking my two daily 8 oz. morning beverage – the two women on this floor don’t get in into after 8 a.m., and my early morning urination takes place well over an hour before any of them arrive. Out of consideration, I’ll sit down to do my business because a man’s penis is like a leaky fire hose. God only knows where the pee will fly once it makes its way out. That's why I like urinals. It's like going against a wall. If there's some side squirting, then chances are the porcelain wall will be able to catch it the wayward pee. Anyway, the last few mornings when I’ve snuck in the women's room I have seen that the toilet bowls had urine caked on them. This means one of two things: 1) the two chicks that use this bathroom have some squirting issues, or 2) the other guys who are too lazy to walk up a set of stairs to urinate spray and don’t clean up. Come on guys, if you’re going to use the ladies room, at least show some considerations for those that have no chance but to squat. And who says I’m not looking out for the ladies? Oh, and this crusty waste also means that this building's cleaning staff does jack shit, but I could have told you that already.
12:15 p.m.
• My workplace DSL is being moody today, so at around 11 a.m. I decided to give Dennis Miller's new radio show a listen instead of my usual morning program. Not bad. Not great. But not bad. This will definitely be playing (for as long as it's on the air) as a second option for my RIGHT-WING RADIO late-morning/early afternoon listening pleasure. I can't remember the last time I listened to Glenn Beck -- please note I'm not complaining about this.
8:15 a.m.
• This got a laugh out of me a few days ago. From Boortz's Web site
8:30 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 29: Spaceman Spiff
He likes to talk about the Miami Dolphins, so it’s only appropriate he is this franchise in the kkk Bowl league, of which he’s a longtime member. He’s yet to make a postseason appearance, but he’s in a division where each of his opponents has made it to a kkk Bowl (Gert T in I, Barron in II and nl-asshole in III; oh man was that a dark day – I contemplated folding the league after that one). With all the parity in the NFL these days, perhaps Season V will be his year. I’ll also give Spiff credit for this: Over at the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States and those five red diaper doper babies who said it was OK for the government to take property from private citizen A and give it to private citizen B, all so citizen B can generate more tax revenue for the local government, hence a “greater good” reason for the land-seizing. For Spiff to do this is the equivalent of swimming into the middle of a feeding frenzy and slicing your palms open.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From lovecraft:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Bloody hell?
When I heard this earlier this morning I figured it was either a misinterpreted joke or Mirabelli is a big-time hater. I hope Gary Thorne comes out of this OK – I used to love listening to him on ESPN announce NHL games.
3 p.m.
• Well I had a fun sight this morning on the way to work. Rather than take the interstate, the better half and I go through this dilapidated shit hole of a community called Wilkinsburg. It’s rather depressing to drive past all these vacant, boarded-up buildings where small businesses used to be. I’m hoping this ghetto plague doesn’t reach my neck of the woods until long after my current residence is sold twice-over. Thankfully, there’s about 10-15 miles between the outer reaches of Shittsburgh and Westmoreland County. Anyway, while driving through Wilkinsburg, I had the misfortune to be driving behind a big rig. Now granted I don’t like driving 20 mph through a predominately black neighborhood when I’m trying to get to work, but what are you going to do? My line in these kinds of situations is, “if I’m in such a big hurry, then I should have left five minutes earlier; that way I’d be in front of this vehicle rather than behind it.” I also had no choice but to mosey behind this truck for a few miles because this vehicle was taking up both lanes going in my direction. As for speeding up in the other two lanes on the other side of the yellow double-striped strip, that was a no-go. First off, I don’t like to do that. Secondly, there was too much traffic to even attempt such a stunt. After a while, this chick in a white car sped up to me in the other lane when I saw the bigrig put on his right turn signal. OK, now time to give him some space as he makes his turn. Of course, this was when the chick in the other lane began to SPEED UP right as the truck was making it’s turn. Another few seconds and she would have went splat right up against whatever this truck was hauling. Thankfully, she had enough space to allow the truck to complete the turn. No, I’m not thankful she didn’t get into an accident because it would have injured this blonde. I’m thankful because my commute would have been even longer considering I would have been a witness. No, I wouldn’t have left the scene, because that guy driving the truck would have needed someone sticking up for him because I can guarantee this chick would have probably tried to pin the accident on him.
8 a.m.
• Why do I agree with the better half every time she insists on having "Taco/Nacho Night" at our house? I know, because every now and then you get the urge to feel like you're going to throw up the morning after and have fire blow out of your hole on the other end.
9 p.m.
• There are "experts" debating over using an ogre as an anti-obese spokesperson? And are there going to be Happy Meals featured in this third Shrek movie? And I'm sure this anti-ogre hate violates some sort of discrimination law.
2:45 p.m.
• So yesterday the better half and I went to a few different stores to pick up stuff. First it was to Petco to pick up Dessa’s birthday free birthday gift. Yes, Petco sent us a coupon good for two free ping pong balls due to her “birthday” being around this time. How they know this I have no idea – my guess is Mrs. kkk sent this information in at some point in time. Actually, Dessa was born in the winter, but we picked her up in April, so I guess “birthday” means when we got her from Paws. But I digress. This was actually a pretty clever marketing ploy. Bring some pet owner in for a free 59-cent rattling plastic ball and hope they buy some overpriced crap. And that’s just what we did.
As we walked in the store, the better half said, “we need to get them new toys.“ Christ. However, this was my lucky day because there were a bunch of things on clearance. We got four scrunchy-type toys (three for ours, one for the in-law’s cat) and this valentine’s day box with several catnip mousse. Total cost: $6. Not too bad, considering if we would have gotten everything at retail price it would have been $25. Yes, $25.
Another place we stopped at was Kohl’s because there was a sale on these storage bag things. There’s a chance you’ve seen them advertised on television. Just put a bunch of stuff in these bag and suck all the air out of it via a vacuum cleaner hose. I spent this afternoon home on a comp day playing with these bags. I like ‘em. Not only have I sucked away a bunch of bathroom towels I don’t like using but keep around because you never know when you’ll need an extra towel or four. I also sucked away a bunch of bed sheets and other similar things. Now our towel closet has about twice as much free space as before. Am I writing a bit too much about this? Probably. But I’m not a hard person to please.
• You know, if I had the funds, I might have purchased these, too.
For as awful as that reality show of hers was, I’m sure these would have been an even bigger trainwreck. I don’t know what’s more pathetic: People who write about the stupid minutia that goes on in their dreary, daily lives, or those that actually waste part of their lives reading this pathetic shit.
…
Fuck.
1 p.m.
• We all know some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male (just name it, and it'll probably be true), but what about this religion's young-ins? Let the list begin.
8:30 p.m.
• So yesterday I did a bunch of yardwork. Well, maybe not as much as a Mexican is capable of doing, but whatever. Even though I got slightly singed from Mr. Sun, I thought I came out of it all in reasonably good condition. But then I forgot about the ever-dreaded day after. Holy fuck. Every part of my body aches and I feel like total shit. Wow I really must be getting old. Back in my day I was able to do an afternoon’s worth of manual labor and … well, I still felt like this the day after, even during my teen years. Guess I’ve been a lazy bastard all along. Then again, perhaps us crackers aren’t meant for this kind of rough-and-tumble treatment, or at least white people living within their means. Perhaps Racist Dusty was right all along.
• With baseball season recently under way, I’ve been feeling the urge to play MVP ’05 once again. Funny thing is I’m only into mid-May in Year 1 of my franchise mode. Why haven’t I gotten all that far in my 120-year dynasty? Because I’m a sap and I like playing all my minor-league teams. I don’t know why – it’s just more enjoyable to split time with the Lynchburg Hillcats, Altoona Curve, Indianapolis Indians and Pirates. In fact, many times I have more fun playing the minor-league teams. Take yesterday for example. While playing my Single-A Hillcats, who were in the midst of a four-game losing streak, against some team I’ve never heard of before. I was down by a score of 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth. I’ve managed to get on base several times, but I wasn’t able to cash in any of the runners. Then with two outs my star player hit a three-run homer to send the game into extra innings. In the bottom of the 10th I ended it with a walk-off bomb from my centerfielder – his first of the year. Fun times.
• Now the obvious punchline to this one is “Who can miss yours, Rosie?” but you people have come to expect more from me.
I’m sure Rosie can use her “fair share” by issuing some “TP Credits” that will limit the wiping materials of others willing to make the sacrifice for a cleaner Mother Earth.
• Awwwww.
Boo-Hoo.
I got an idea. Put someone under with anesthesia, stick a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger.
• Wait, wha-?
Follow-up tests on a backup urine sample? Just how many times do these people have to pee in a cup?
• More than 92,000 show up to watch a spring football game?
Seriously, it’s time to get a professional team down there. Or some hobbies.
3 p.m.
• I always hear you liberals bitch about us evil right-wingers wanting to be all up in your business when it comes to you your bedroom activity. OK then. I’ll stay out of your bedroom, but get the hell away from my bathroom.
It’s bad enough you bitches leave us stuck with those gaywad enviro-friendly toilets, which require you to flush three times as many times in order to get a “deposit” certified as it would if I was using a manly shitter. You know, the kind that gives your privates a refreshing breeze afterward because of its sheer power. Then again, if you commies ever get some sort of toilet paper rationing legislation signed into law, I’ll be more than happy to wipe my browneye with your CD covers.
7:45 p.m.
• Have I mentioned how much I hate yardwork? I spent the better part of the afternoon pulling weeds and shit from the side of my yard, and uprooted two bush/tree thingys which sucked. Oh well, at least manual labor makes me feel like a man, until I get some dirt in my shoe and I cry.
• So this was on Drudge today: “Tina Brown set to unleash 'most controversial book on Princess Diana ever'…” Wha-?
WHO GIVES A SHIT?! Christ, how long has she been dead?
• Jackie Robinson would be so proud of this being published exactly one week after JACKIE ROBINSON DAY.
Actually, I’m wondering if this is the same school that got national headlines a few years back for this segregated prom? During that time Bill O’Reilly was going batshit about it and brought on Neal Boortz, who took an opposing view, on to his show. If memory serves, Boortz’s viewpoint was something to the effect of “it’s a private matter; what can the government school do.” Ah, here we go. Looks like the Bill/Neal conversation dealt with a different school. Wow, was this a funny moment of television.
In case you’re wondering what the “hubcap incident” was, here you go.
Personally, I thought the "hubcap" remark was much ado about nothing. After all, it's the Mexicans who steal those things. Blacks will just steal a car's stereo.
11:45 p.m.
• So MSNBC had “To Catch a Predator: Greatest Hits” or something like that. After watching this hour-long laughfest, I have conclude that this world is made up of some crazy-ass people. My favorite was the guy who showed up to the sting house, stripped naked and began wanking in the kitchen before the show’s host came out to greet him. The next day this perv arranged another “date,” this time at a McDonald’s, thinking he was going to provide a happy meal for some 13-year-old boy. Busted again. But that’s not the best part. At the show’s end, when they were telling us the years in jail all these predators received, the guy mentioned above was only sentenced to two years – the least out of all of them, except for the guy who is still at-large. Did I say two years? I mean NONE, because the red diaper doper baby judge suspended his sentence. WTF? He was ON VIDEO at a house where he thought he was going to get some under-age anal and was MASTERBATING in anticipation. While these shows are funny as hell, what’s scary is when you realize that there are a shit-load of these encounters that go on everyday.
7:45 p.m.
• I think I just found my new “White Rapper” show. I was flipping through channels today and watched some of that “Charm School” program where the “Flavor of Love” rejects learn to be more lady-like. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then consider yourself lucky. Good God. There were many things to laugh at, but what got me was the $50,000 grand prize and how several of these women thought this would be the end-all to their current financial woes. Um, it’s only $50,000 – and that’s before taxes. You’re not going to retire because of this. At least I now know who that chick was in those “I Love New York” episodes. No, I didn’t watch ANY of those. What is up with rejected chicks on these “Bachelor-like” shows getting their own “elimin-date” programs? Talk about sloppy seconds.
• If you don't think you're shooting at blacks, then terrorists have already won.
• The hell?
So what about the billions upon billions of unbaptized babies who have already died? What exactly happens to them – do they get recalled or something? And to think there are people sitting in a room actually discussing this stuff.
8:15 a.m.
• I’ve been meaning to tell this story for about a week but haven’t been motivated enough until now. While at the Chinese buffet last week, there were some people sitting next to us before the “shoe” family paid us a visit. There were two guys and one was bitching to the other about how in California cops will go into a bar’s parking lot and mark up a car’s tire. This acts like a time stamp, so the officers will know how long that car has been parked there. If a person leaves in a car that’s been there for several hours they will pull them over for a DUI test or something. This genius then said, “They can’t do that – that’s ENTRAPMENT.” Now regardless of your opinion of this police procedure, this is not “entrapment.” But wait, I’m not a lawyer. Could I be wrong? I took this case over to our newly bar-accepted ambulance chaser Vyce and asked for his opinion. This is what he said:
Now I also mentioned to the better half my example of how the above-mentioned police tactics could have a case of being entrapment, which was if the cops opened up a bar/drink stand offering free drinks for six hours. When the people drink up and drive off other cops stationed nearby who have been watching the whole thing pull them over. Was my spur-of-the-moment exaample a case of entrapment due to "police" offering "free" drinks? Here's what Vyce said.
I got into an argument with my co-worker over this because he felt this was wrong for the police to do. Personally, I don’t’ care. My co-worker said, “Well, what if they pull someone over who was working or wasn’t drinking?” My response: “Then all they have to do is walk a straight line.” I guess I’m nothing more than a goose-stepping pawn of the State, but I’m actually glad cops do this. I got pulled over one time when I was in high school, and the police thought I might have been drinking. I took a turn wide and went through a stop sign I didn’t see due to driving in an unfamiliar area. I also had several passengers with me, so I’m sure the po-pos were thinking we had just come from a party or something. They had me do the nose-touching thing and the walk-straight thing. I was cooperative and that was the end of it. Yeah, I got a ticket, but I didn’t fight it, even though I might have had a case. The reason? I still had my junior license, which prohibits anyone under the age of 18 from driving past midnight, and it was well into the witching hour when I got pulled over. I just paid the $90 and went on with life.
