By this time I think I was at around Page 4 when filling out the PC's electronic form.
Disagree.
AHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA. Oh, wait. They were serious with this question.
Agree.
They shouldn’t, but they do. And there are politicians out there who have no qualms with pandering to these leeches.
Disagree.
I don’t know how to answer this one. It might be good for you not to obsess over it every waking minute of your life, but to pretend it doesn’t exist? I’ll have to go with “Disagree” on this one.
Disagree.
Interesting. I think there are plenty of language, cultural and social barriers to prevent a large number of first-generation immigrants from being fully integrated, but I don’t think it would be impossible. Besides, what is “fully” integrated mean anyway? Just speak English and you should be fine. OMG what a RACIST thing to say.
Disagree.
You mean amassing debt in the case for future growth/gains? No thank you. And get that “always” out of there while you’re at it.
Agree.
Well, if it’s a state-run broadcast then naturally it’ll receive public funding. However, if you’re talking about PBS or NPR, then get those bitches off sucking my teet. And just who determines if a broadcasting institution is “independent”? Bill Moyers?
Disagree.
Now if W. ever meets me and says, “How was that extra cheese pizza you ordered from Luigi’s the other night?” I might change my answer.
Agree.
Well you do get things done quicker – like baking Jews.
Agree.
If you want to secretly videotape me taking a crap, I would like to have it back eventually so I can sell it on the internet and make some money; I hear there are some niche markets for this sort of thing. I might consider being worried by other private parties spying on me, but the word “official” tells me that this is about W. spying on you. While I’m on this subject, for all those people not named Mohammad that are bitching the government has got its eyes on you; you ought to be thrilled that these people find you important and noteworthy enough to set up cameras within your residence.
Agree.
If you are caught on one of these official surveillance cameras killing someone in cold blood, you should die minutes after the jury finds you guilty.
Developing...
• This made me laugh. A New York City Councilman wants to prevent fast-food restaurants from sprouting up in “obesity hotspots.” Here is my favorite passage from the editorial:
Of course, this “For-your-own-good” Big Brother mentality is perfect for Rivera’s Democrat constituency of the fat, lazy and stupid.
• So Shannon Doherty is doing a “how to break up” show on that Oxygen channel. Like she wasn’t able to show us how to call it quits to something when it came to her acting career by leaving early from shows she starred in. I actually like Shannon; you can just see the bitchiness ooze out of her, and while I’ve learned over the years to stay away from psycho bitches that get all crazy and shit, Shannon and her psychotic rages strangely do it for me.
• A while back I asked who will be blamed for a government shut-down when a Democrat Governor and a Democrat Legislature are the ones closing down casinos and the ocean? Apparently, you blame the Congress, although I’d be more partial to blaming the voters for electing Democrats, but that’s just me.
• Speaking of surveys, it doesn’t look good for the Republicans this upcoming election season. I must admit that I normally don’t pay much attention to polls because they are nothing more than just welfare/jobs programs for political-science majors and ex-politicians on cable television news channels. I sure as hell wouldn't want Democrats in power, although I probably wouldn’t mind having them with a slim majority in one of the Congress branches. In fact, this might be a good thing. That way both parties will fight, bitch and get nothing done, which is fine by me; the danger comes when politicians actually think a problem needs solving and they end up fucking us over even more. The problem for me is this, however: do I really want to hear “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”? Fuck no. I guess I’d have to go with a Slight Democrat majority in the Senate. After all, with all the RINOS up there now it’s like the Dems are in control anyway. Then again, it would be funny to see the Democrats' reaction the day after Election Night should they not pick up any seats. Yeah, W. is a moron/Hitler/sucks/etc., but what does that make the Party which can't take advantage of all this voter discontent?
• I just got done playing year one of my NHL 2006 Dynasty, and I ended up being the third seed in the Eastern Conference with the Pens. I traded a bunch of people, kept Mario and cut a bunch of scrubs. I have to say that the intro into the postseason play was a pleasant surprise. Loved the “We want the Cup” chants. I don’t know the difficulty got automatically increased, but this game was much harder to play than I many contests I had during the regular season with similarly talented opponents. Oh, I’m also up 1 game to none against the Boston Bruins thanks to a 4-2 win (one goal was an empty-netter, so the game was much closer than the score would indicate).
• Might as well continue this thing. For those that haven’t been following, catch your hippie ass up.
Disagree.
Get your ass to school. If you hate going there so much, just wait. You’ll have the rest of your life to hang out on the curb and not do shit with yourself.
Agree.
If by “different sorts” you mean drug users and shit. Sure, let them hang out together. I sure as hell don’t want them living next to me.
Agree.
Bad parents can do this too. Hell, my old man used to have this wooden plank with a nail through it and whenever it was time for me to get an ass-whooping (like the one time I didn't want to wear the ugly, scratchy socks he picked out for me for my kindergarten class), he’d make me think the nail was going to strike me. He’d flip his write and I’d get the other side, but I never knew this as a kid. Look how great I turned out.
Agree.
I did. Now I’m hoping these secrets are along the line of “When I was 6 I showed Suzy from down the street my winky and she showed me her boobies,” rather than, “Why did Fr. Jim stuff himself into my poop-hole?”
Disagree.
I don’t really care one way or the other, but if you want to fuck yourself up there are plenty of other, more legal, ways to do so. Right now this shit is illegal now so all you potheads quit bitching if you can’t pay the price when you get busted by the po-pos.
Agree.
I also include in the whole “finding jobs” category a well-rounded education. However, I remember in college being pissed off when I had to waste money on classes that I wouldn’t have been in had they not be required elective, so I’d be disingenuous now if I answered “disagree.”
Agree.
Call me Adolph.
Disagree.
The fuck if I know. I’ll say no with this because I think preventing yourself from getting in positions to accept discipline would be better.
Developing...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
I don’t talk to him that much, if at all, because he seems to be one of those wrasslin’ fans and frequents folders I normally don’t, but from what I read of him he seems sensible enough. Besides, he has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character. So here’s a tip of the hat to the V-man.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• I thought I was done with this topic, but the kicks just keep on coming. Apparently, the reason Zidaine head-butted that Italian player was because he was calling the Frenchie a “dirty terrorist” and said some mean things about his mom. A "dirty terrorist" – them’s some fighting words, which says quite a bit for a Frenchman. I also heard Zidaine’s mom has gotten into the fray, but what I find hilarious is that the Iran also applauds Zidaine’s actions; and he didn’t even have to blow himself up. According to this article “The head of Iran’s external relations committee has sent a letter to Zidane congratulating him for his ‘logical’ reaction and "timely" defense against an alleged insult to his ‘human and Islamic’ identity.’” With the Iranians in your corner how can one not feel encouraged?
• Another topic I’ve talked about the last few days is the 2006 All-Star Game. Now there’s talk about Latino groups wanting Major League Baseball to retire Roberto Clemente’s jersey for every team, just like the case with Jackie Robinson’s #42. Personally, I don’t like the idea of either number getting league-wide treatment. Yeah, I know OMG RACISM~! I’m not going to grumble about Robinson’s jersey being retired by every team; but I would rather just have the team who faced the bigotry get the notoriety . But that’s just me, though.
• Speaking of MLB, Bud Selig is now talking about keeping pitchers slated for the All-Star game from pitching the Sunday before this exhibition game “that counts.” If Bud wants the MLB’s best arms for this game, then let teams take a week off before and after this stupid game.
• While typing this I’m listening on the radio to the CEO of the Pennsylvania Turnpike defending turnpike toll-collectors, saying it’s a “hard job.” N*gga plz. Oh, this is a great quote. “We trained them to say ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’" For $18/hour plus benefits just to collect change you need special training to say “have a nice day”? God I love this state. And the kicker is that a year or so ago these people went on STRIKE.
• Why is it that if a young black male gets busted giving crack to hookers in exchange for sexual favors we want to lock him up, but if some 80-year-old does it our first thought is “’atta boy”? This is of course after the initial gagging of picturing a senior citizen with a hard-on. Oh, and guess where this took place? God I love this town.
• UPDATE: This can't wait until tomorrow. LOL.
She's probably going after Cheney because he's rich and stuff. He used to work at Halliburton, you know.
• I didn't watch the MLB All-Star game, but I did hear that there was a tribute to Roberto Clemente, who is deemed by many here, and outside of Shittsburgh, to be the greatest Pirate ever to wear the black and gold. I tend to agree with this, even though I wasn't born during his playing days. While it's true that this city likes to live in the past, this is one instance where previous events shouldn't be forgotten. This got me thinking of which athletes are the "faces" of Shittsburgh's other two major-league teams: The Steelers and Penguins. The latter is easy; hands down it's Mario Lemieux. The Steelers was a bit tougher. You had a number of great players from the 1970s -- Joe Greene, Terry Bradshaw, Jack Lambert -- and even some superstars of the recent past and present -- Jerome Bettis, Ben Roethlisberger. However, the most beloved face of this team wasn't someone on the field, it was in the front office. I was only a kid when Art Rooney, the founding father of this team, passed away, but he was by far the "Chief" of the Steelers. I remember this team having some bad seasons during my youth, but it's impossible to imagine the Steelers not being competitive for 40 years (sure there was a winning season or two sprinkled in throughout, but for the most part Rooney was known as one of the league's "loveable losers"), which they were before their Super Bowl run of the '70s. To put this in perspective, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since '93. To match the Steelers dry spell, they'd have to keep losing until the 2030s, which I'm sure is an achievable goal. What's also scary about this realization is that I'll be in my 50s when the Pirates finally go on their four-titles-in-six years run. God only knows what the Yankees' payroll will be at this time.
• Since I talked about prisoners suing over minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. Well actually I found it pathetic, but then I couldn't be all clever and shit by repeating the same line from yesterday.
Not being allowed to read a National Geographic magazine while serving a life sentence for murder is a "civil right"? More proof that my theory of "kill them if you have a chance before the police come to arrest the person breaking into your house and threatening harm to you or your family," should be applied whenever possible.
• I'm hearing that Danica Patrick it considering jumping to NASCAR. Don't care. More power to her, I guess. However, there is one thing that concerns me about this move. NASCAR already has the one token driver that the media like to champion; what's going to happen to my dawg Bill Lester, who's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS if Danica takes the spotlight? Oh woe is the reporter who has to decide what to mention first in his or her NASCAR-related article -- the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS or the FIRST WOMAN DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN ? YEARS SINCE *insert name here if one exists.*
• A while back I talked about Shittsburgh’s newest mayor Bob O’Connor. Even though the guy’s a Democrat, I like him (for now). After all, when it comes to urban areas, you take what you can get, and O’Connor seems like a genuinely good guy. Well, he was just diagnosed with cancer, but is expected to pull through. Get well, Bob, because God knows the city needs you, especially since Shittsburgh’s Shity Council just “signed on” to the Kyoto Treaty. Like I’ve said before, thank Christ I don’t live in this city or the county encompassing this shithole.
• Linebacker Roderick Green of the Baltimore Ravens just got stabbed at a bowling alley. I’m not going to goof on this guy because from what I heard on the radio, he did everything right in this situation by trying to avoid this confrontation. However, I have to wonder if a certain Ravens linebacker is starting to get worried about his spot being taken and is out to shank the competition?
• An apparent terrorist attack stuck India today and so far 130+ have been reported dead. I have to wonder if there’s any coincidence that this attack took place on 7/11, which is national convenience store workers day? While I’m at it, what’s up with terrorists and 11s? You have 9/11. You have 7/11. You have Spain’s bombing, which took place on 3/11. You had last year’s bombing in England, which although didn’t take place on the 11th day of the month, has a close enough sounding date (7/7). Is planning massive acts of terror on an “-even” day one of the few things in this world that actually pleases Allah?
• Since I talked about minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. It’s only a matter of time before some red diaper doper baby judge not only rules that inmates be paid not a minimum wage but rather that hippie “living wage.” Of course, they’d also still get free health care, meals, housing and anal sex.
• Phil Garner said in a recent interview that he understands firsthand how important having home-field advantage is in the World Series. Uh, Phil, your Astros got swept by the White Sox last year – would you rather have lost the fourth game in Chicago rather than Houston?
• Over the years Major League Baseball has done some things I liked (doubling the amount of postseason entrants) and some things I didn’t care for (inter-league play during the regular season). However, the dumbest thing has to be this “winning league gets home field advantage,” after all, because THIS (exhibition) GAME COUNTS. If we’re going to include this meaningless contest into how the league handles it’s postseason, then how about giving AL/NLCS home-field advantage to the team with the better spring training league? After all, we want our baseball players to be playing like they mean it in the Cactus League.
• So Hollywood is engaging on some stupid “rolling hunger strike.” Typical stupid limousine liberal crap. However, I was curious to see if Mikey Moore was part of this protest. I headed over to his Web site (OK, OK, here’s the "real" one), and he had a link showing everyone who has signed up to be an Ethiopian for a day. Now while Mikey is pimping this Left-wing form of protest du jour he isn’t actually on the non-eating list. I'll leave the rest up to you.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 74: Buffybeast
She loves her hosses and hates black people. While I may not understand her infatuation with hairy beasts like Albert, I certainly can’t argue with the latter, especially since she is of the same race as those she despises most. On top of all this she serves her country, which is always to be commended. However, when hearing that she wants to bang rednecks and Commanding Officers, one has to wonder if she’s in the armed forces for her sense of duty or wanting to get white boys to stand “at attention” when they are lying down? I guess it doesn't matter in the end as long as she doesn’t get caught. I say don't ask don't tell, even if you aren't a homo.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From EricMM:
From Black Lushus:
• So France lost to Italy in the World Cup final. Gee, that’s too bad. I think my favorite moment came when Zinedine Zidane head-butted that Italian guy and got tossed out of the match as a result. Way to cost your team the championship, Frenchie. I have no idea who this guy is, but apparently he’s really good and stuff and was going to retire after this match. Hey, when Jerome Bettis played in his final quest for a championship, he only potentially cost his team a win with the divisional playoff game against the Colts, not in the Super Bowl. The funny thing is that not only did France play the better game, but also I’m sure Zidane would have been a valuable addition to his country’s penalty-kick lineup. And while I’m on this subject, one thing I don’t like about the World Cup was the shootout determining the world champ. It’s kind of a copout to run up and down a big-ass field for two hours only to have the title game decided by a gay shootout. The NHL does it best in their postseason; if there is no winner at the end of regulation, let them play until they drop. At least this way there will be more of an effort by both teams to score a goal, rather than having each team play not-to-lose and wait for penalty kicks. And now the 2010 World Cup will be held in South Africa. I wonder what there will be more of – goals scored in the tournament or players catching the AIDS?
• As much as I think he’s a piece of shit, I have to give Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell props; this douche sure knows how to campaign. For the first three years of his administration all this asshole has done is raise taxes and sign in pay raises. What has he done in the past week or so? He appealed to conservative Democrats, of which there are plenty of in the Keystone State, by signing legislation silencing those “God Hates Fags” idiots from protesting the funerals of our military personnel. Fast Eddie then appealed to his base constituency – those who can’t make more than $5.15/hour thanks to this horrid Bush economy – by jacking up the state’s minimum wage by $2/hour over the next year. On this matter I should note that the congress is “GOP controlled,” or at least it is allegedly. But on the bright side of things, this will probably bring about more of those self-scanning personal shoppers I’ve talked about in the past, which take the place of cashiers and other entry-level workers, who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of a minimum-wage increase. I always love hearing how you can’t support a family on minimum wage; you’re not supposed to. Before producing kids you can’t afford, can you please put a bullet in the back of your head?
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 75: Jingus
I didn’t interact much with Jingus until the great "MikeSC Banning (again)," when he said, much to my agreement, “This is bullshit ... Too many posters have been banned who in my opinion either didn't call for it or who deserve a second chance.” So Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at. I’ve spoken with him a couple of times since then, and he seems like an OK-enough person. He pops in from time to time; apparently he’s into the wrestling business (albeit on a scale considerably smaller than the WWE) and performs in some shows. If that’s what he wants to do then I say more power to him.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
From Cancer Marney:
• More fun times at the workplace. Remember a few days ago when I talked about those hippie inserts I made that my idiot boss ordered some stupid last-minute changes to, effectively halting the process of sending out thousands of quarterly statements? Well, last Wednesday I took the day off. Thursday I came into the office and said “what up” to our Marketing Director/Head Salesman. Now whenever I take a workday off I usually ask him the next day if anything exciting happened, and nine times out of ten the answer is “no.” This was that one in ten instance. A few months ago many of our investment options had their interest rates increased. The problem was that these rates weren’t updated on any of the quarterly statements that went out to our customers, and he had fielded calls all day from people who just received their statements that had the incorrect interest rate printed. And just to make things funnier, the correct rates were on that insert I created, so while that insert had the higher rates printed the actual statement, which shows account information among other things, had the lower rate. Awesome. And it’s only going to get worse when customers in neighboring states start receiving their statements. And guess whose fault it was for the incorrect rates? Yep. The same person who spent days pondering what font size he wanted the insert I made to be changed over to.
• For those that think Americans who vote against gay-marriage initiatives are extremist hate-mongers, go to India where it has been illegal for 145 years for one guy to bone another guy. My question is if this “crime” is punishable with up to 10 years of prison time, wouldn’t the promise of spending a decade in the penal system be an incentive for some gay men to come out of the closet?
• So the new president of Mexico was selected, not elected, according to the runner-up. Perhaps this wanna-be martyr should change his name to Lopez Obragore. I guess this guy shouldn’t feel too discouraged; in another few years I’m sure he’ll be allowed to run for a mayoral or congressional seat in California. Hell, that’s probably where most of his “disenfranchised” voters are anyway.
• Back when the World Cup started my predictions was to always go with Brazil, followed by the host country as a sleeper pick (which in this case would be Germany.) Well, at least the Germans made it to third place. Uh, yay. I guess. Oh, and go Italy.
• Every once in a while I get motivated and clean up the house, and this weekend was one of those times. I think what I hate most isn’t the actual cleaning; it’s knowing that in a few days the place will get shitted up again, making the point of the actual cleaning in the first place pointless.
• This past week the local grocery store had an uber-sale on pop: $4 for a 24-pack of Pepsi. Problem was that this store’s weekly sales go from Thursday-Wednesday, and Tuesday/Wednesday is when I do the grocery shopping, so the pickings were a bit slim for me when it came to picking Pepsi products. Due to a near-barren display, I figured what the hell and got a few cubes of Pepsi One and Diet Caffeine Pepsi; I haven’t tried either kind before. The caffeine free stuff isn’t too bad, but I think the “One” in Pepsi One stands for the number of cans you can drink before regretting your purchase. Oh well, each can cost me about 17 cents; I’ve made worse investments.
• There are a lot of red diaper doper baby judges, particularly five that sit on the High Court, but there are still some good ones out there. Like the one down below.
For those that don't know what I'm doing, look at my entries over the last few days and figure it out yourself. Oh, and I'd add more questions, but for some reason the quote function gets all loopy after a certain number of times it gets used in one post, or at least that seems to be the case.
PART III:
Disagree.
Once again, the words used in this question are what did it for me. “Only” is too definite. Now if that word would have been replaced with “primary” I would be in the “agree” category. A company has to deliver a profit to its shareholders to survive, but I’m also a believer in rewarding those who got you there.
Agree.
They may not be as highly taxed as in previous generations, but I’m all about cutting taxes and a fan of a consumption-only tax. Of course it'll never happen, which is why I don't talk about it much.
Disagree.
The only reason I disagree with this is because the word “right” is used. If the statement read “Those with the ability to pay have the opportunity to higher standards of medical care” then I would be in agreement. Bad question.
Agree.
There is some question as to what “mislead” actually means. Should my State Representative go after Crazy Ray because I found a car dealership that offers lower prices than his “can’t be beat” deals? No. Should Ken Lay have been prosecuted for fucking over his employees and shareholders? Sure.
Disagree.
I don’t think it “requires” it, but I wouldn’t necessarily have a problem with its use. Once again, how these restrictions are used could be up for debate.
Agree.
Also the freer the people to make dumb choices and become slaves to Visa and Mastercard.
Agree.
I consider myself to be a pro-lifer. Wouldn’t make sense for me to say otherwise.
Disagree.
Yeah, I know. I’m a lackey for the Bush Administration. It’s just that if you question ALL authority then you have too much time on your hands. If a tanker spills over into a lake and a cop orders your to stay out of the water, I don’t think I’ll be giving him a hard time about his draconian demands of me.
Agree.
Depending on the severity of the crime, I’ll even recommend two eyes for an eye.
Agree.
I’d also include sporting facilities in this one, too. Now I’m not saying they shouldn’t be funded; just put the issue up for a vote or something and see if enough people in an area are willing to subsidize these thinngs.
Developing...
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing. He seems to be interested in the wrestling/fighting topics of this place, which I generally stay away from (although he's not a Raw fan anymore). He tried his hand (and voice) at TSM "radio," and didn't do that bad a job. While a commie, we do share some common ground. We both think Britney Spears is a "slut" for having kids after marriage. We also agree Marshall Faulk was a better running back than Emmitt Smith. But most importantly, we two prudes don't find this all that appealing.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Cancer Marney:
Below is Part II of my journey with the Political Compass just to find out where in that broad spectrum I land -- am I just a notch below Hitler or to the right of George W. Bush? Place your bets now.
PART II:
Agree.
Sure America’s poverty levels aren’t quite the same as the rest of the world’s, but I fear the tax rate that will befall me should the white, ghetto and burro trash ever unite for one common cause. Better to keep them angry at each other than focused on evil suburbanites like myself.
Agree.
Yeah, it’s nice to have a job. But it’s even nicer not to have to spend a day’s paycheck on a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
Agree.
As much as I like libertarians, I don’t buy their notion of “End regulation because when a factory dumps sewage into the local river, they’re dumping it into THEIR river, too!” Now we can debate as to how much regulation should be conducted on said factory, but that's not the question at hand.
Disagree.
The only reason I don’t add the “Strongly” before this answer is because the question includes the word “fundamentally,” which tells me the questioner is trying to say that this idea would work in Happy World, where everything is pure and good. This ain’t happy world. Every idea looks good on paper. Having it work in the real world is a different matter altogether. For some reason I'm taken back to that South Park "hippie" episode where a doper says something like, "Yeah man, we ought to live together in one big community. There could be one person just make the bread for us all," to which Stan replies, "You mean a baker?"
Disagree.
Years ago I may have tended to agree with this one, but hey, if you don’t like the taste of your water, then let the free market be your guide. Besides, we’re always bitching about how fat our kids are. Maybe instead of buying them a can of Pepsi at the Quickie Mart, a bottle of water might be a better purchase. And what about if there’s a water main break in your neighborhood? Thanks to this thing called capitalism, you can go out and buy a gallon or two of H2O at a decent price to tide you over until your drinking water becomes sanitary again.
Disagree.
Not only should land be bought and sold, it should be fought over, too. However, one thing land shouldn’t be is taken by your government thanks to five red diaper doper babies from one private owner to be given to another private owner just because that person claims he can generate more tax revenue from this land, thus contributing to the “greater good” of the community. Come on Ginsburg and Stevens, retire those old asses of yours before 2008.
Disagree.
It’s too bad that this is how George Soros got his wealth and power, but hey, such is life. More power to him for manipulating the system; too bad I didn't think of it first. If so, I could have made some really cool Group 527 political ads during the 2004 election.
Agree.
This is a tough one for me. I’m a peon of the free market, but because the word “sometimes” is used I’ll gingerly go to the “agree” side of this issue. Sometimes you might need to fight fire with fire, although both sides usually end up getting burnt.
Developing...
• So what can a New Jersey Democrat politician do when his state government gets shut down and there are no Republicans to blame? I have no idea, but I want to know which group wants to starve children and poison the elderly: Newly elected governor Jim Corzine or the Democrat-controlled Congress? What’s funny is that the disagreement doesn’t seem to be over whether to raise taxes or reduce the size of government, but rather it’s about what taxes to raise. I heard on the radio that Corzine wants to jack up the state sales tax while his opponents want to raise taxes on other things, like car rentals and computers. But the real victims of this shut down aren't the children or the poor. It's people like Michael Trager who was playing a video poker machine at 7:50 a.m. when he was told to stop playing.
• After all the money spent convicting the guy, Ken Lay gets the last laugh by dying on us before serving hard time. I’m sure the joke of, “How can he have a heart attack when he doesn’t have a heart to begin with?” has already been written into late-night comedians’ scripts, so I won’t pile on. I am curious to know if some of the left-wing blogs and message boards have accused the Bush Administration of offing his one-time “Kenny Boy.” I’m not curious enough, however, to bother to look.
• And speaking of those who deserve to die, will some god up there (or down below, I’m not picky) strike these fucks down?
• Ben Wallace just signed with the Chicago Bulls for a shitload of money. As much as I like Detroit’s former “Big Ben,” and as much as I fear that ‘fro, I wonder if $60 million over four years is a good value for someone that has limited offensive capabilities and is awful from the free-throw line? I guess you could say the same about Shaq, but Wallace isn’t O’Neal sized. Speaking of the Bulls, the team might as well sign another free agent, this one for their mascot.
• Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humor? If only there was some video of people who tried to kick these concrete spheres. Speaking of the World Cup, Germany and Italy are scoreless in the 90 minutes of regulation. They then go to one 15-minute overtime. In the second overtime, within the span of 2-3 minutes, Italy goes on to score two goals. You know there had to be people who watched the entire match, left the room to take a poop, only to come back and see Italy up 2-0.
• Yesterday the better half and I went to a cookout at her one friend's parents' house. Well, Mrs. kkk went because her friend invited her; I just came for the grub. Hey, when there are free burgers and hot dogs to be consumed, who am I to say no? Actually, I have a deep respect for the father of this better half’s friend. The guy has a bunch of small/side businesses, and he has no qualms with screwing over his own blood to make a buck. It’s awesome enough this guy’s gas station has been featured in the local media from time to time as being the most expensive place to purchase gasoline, but that’s not all. Down the street from his house, this guy owns a daycare center that his daughter (Mrs. kkk’s friend) operates. Along with tending to legions of rug rats, the guy’s daughter also balances the books and does all the everyday things not expected of a child-care attendant. And what does he pay his daughter for all of this dedication? Less than $15,000/year. On top of that, this guy has refurbished his house’s basement to make it a stand-alone apartment and charges the same daughter rent of more than $350/month to live down there. While the better half can’t stand to see her friend used like this, I am in complete and utter awe at the awesomeness of her friend's father.
While most people at this cookout were family members, there was another couple the same age as us that we know through Mrs. kkk’s friend. I have nothing against this couple, but from what I have heard the husband is a real piece of work. Some highlights include taking his household’s savings, going out on a weekend trips without telling his wife where he's at, then returning without saying where (and what) he had done. Apparently, he also had been cheating on his wife, but I don’t know whatever became of that. Anyway, I heard he had been recently laid off from his job, and during our conversation yesterday he brought up how he was getting two weeks paid vacation for no reason and was looking to get another job within this company to another part of the country, more specifically being on the fast track to the organization's Hawaii facility. Rather than call him on this, I just let him live in his dream world. After all, for people that have nothing but their fantasies and delusions, taking these away from them can sometimes be a life-crushing ordeal. Besides, it’ll be nice to see him again down the line and ask how that transfer went.
One of the time-honored traditions of message boards includes the "Hey, look at this questionnaire I found. Let's have everybody at this place take it and see what their results are," thread. Over the years, one of the more popular features at TSM has been to get on the "Political Compass" and find out who are some of the bigger commies at this place (although we already know most of them anyway). However, I noticed that whenever I took this test, I always came back with a different score. One time I was a -.25 Economic Left/Right -1.13 Auth/Libertarian; in another instance I had a different result: 2.75, 0.36. Now I will take this test again, but instead of just posting the result, I'll also include my answers just to see why I'm the adorable right-wing fascist you all have come to know and love (or at least know). One disclaimer I should make about these kinds of surveys is that I very rarely select the "always" or "never" options since these choices come with that sense of finality. Well, without further ado, here we go:
PART I:
Disagree.
All that “humanity” bullshit is nothing more than "progressive" psychobabble, and if one power is to take over the world, I’d rather be controlled by Wal-Mart than those thieving bastards at the United Nations because then at least prices will be low and I won’t have to worry about black helicopters circling around my house. Then again if there was a one-world government we might be able to buy computers for only $10. However, those computers probably wouldn't have CD-Burners installed on them. Then again, all this shit should be free anyway to each according to his needs. Now I have a headache.
Disagree.
Much like my rule on giving "absolute" answers, I’m disagreeing with the absoluteness of this statement. If our country rounded up kitties for no good reason other than to just destroy them all I wouldn’t support that. Do whatever with the hippie indians, Uncle Sam, just leave my cats alone.
Disagree.
I think that people who religiously celebrate their great-grandparents’ country of origin need to get a life, but for all of those pseudo-hippies that think we’re the Satan of the world, how come people risk life and limb to come over here on hand-made boats?
Agree.
Yes, us whiteys have some great qualities when compared with, say, Muslims, who stone their wives for exposing their sexy ankles in public. What? We used to burn suspected witches at the stake? Well, that was a long time ago. Besides, my people have many inferior qualities, too. For example, we can’t dance worth shit. We also couldn’t play cornerback in the NFL if our life depended on it.
Agree.
OMG WE GAVE SADAAM HUSSEIN THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION THAT WE INVADED HIS COUNTRY LATER ON TO TAKE BACK FROM HIM. Yeah, and Stalin helped us win WWII. Even worse yet, France helped our nation gain its independence from the red coats.
Agree.
With all the fucked up places out there, I prefer to go against the grain of what the rest of the world thinks.
Disagree.
I agree with the point that the line between “news” and “entertainment” can be blurring at times, but I don’t consider it “worrisome.” What’s more troubling to me are the idiots who are unable to distinguish from between the two.
Developing...
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 77: Sass
Much like Kahran Ramsus, I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances. Not only has he provided “the final word(s)” on a number of occasions regarding the banning of someone or explaining why mods took a specific course of action on some TSM “heated issue,” but also if anyone disagreed with him I’m sure Sass could squash that poster like a bug, what with him being a power-lifting hoss and all. I haven’t seen him around as of late, but having a normal life can do that to someone.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. (And yes, this really is her.)
From EricMM:
From SFAJack:
From Cancer Marney:
• One of the big stories in the Shittsburgh area regarding our beloved Pirates is that this team has not one but TWO representatives playing in the upcoming All-Star game. Not only is Jason Bay going to be a starter for the National League, but there’s another player who is arguably more valuable to this team (which isn't saying much considering he's playing on a 28-55 club, but I digress), mostly because he can play several positions in the infield and has had a good year at the plate so far. He is Freddy Sanchez. Now locally we have been encouraged to vote for Sanchez; however, he isn’t even on the All-Star ballot. Thankfully, for Freddy’s sake, he has been named as a reservist. Now although the Pirates may be in last place and have the worst record in the majors (a sweep by the Royals can do that to you), they will have a pair of all-stars for the first time since 2000. This truly is the all-star season the team promised its fans during spring training.
• The headline to this story reads: “Crack found in Discovery external tank insulation.” Those black astronauts just can’t go one mission without having a fix. Then again, can you blame them for wanting to join the space program; stealing in order to pawn a $10,000 toilet seat has got to be a better investment than breaking into your neighbor’s apartment and taking his television set and silverware.
• So yesterday was movie night in the kkk household. From our DVD collection, the better half selected Ghostbusters, a film I always liked but never appreciated until I got older. As I kid you couldn’t go wrong with enjoying Slimer or watching Rick Moranis run away from that gargoyle-dog-thing. However, as I matured got older I started to catch onto the more adult-oriented humor, especially the line, “I’ve worked in the private sector. They expect results.” In addition, I didn’t realize how much I resembled Peter Venkmen’s character; I’m still trying to figure out whether this is a good or bad thing.
After Ghostbusters I got to pick a movie, and I went one of my new favorites. Disney has had tremendous success with its Pixar films, and I’ve enjoyed for the most part the ones I have seen (Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo and Toy Story). However, my favorite by far has to be The Incredibles. Sure the Parr family is a rip-off of the Fantastic Four, but that doesn’t matter. When this movie first came out, it made hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office. I generally steer clear of going to theaters, and if a film has had plenty of success, by the time the movie comes out on DVD and I watch it I usually feel a bit under-whelmed. The Incredibles are the exception to this rule. I got the DVD when it first came out because the better half usually loves Pixar films. However, after we watched this together I ended up enjoying this film hand over fist while Mrs. kkk gave it a “thumbs in the middle.” What made the movie for me were some of the side characters and their voices, from Jason Lee’s Syndrome to Wallace Shawn’s Gilbert Huph (the asshole boss, also known as the bald “inconceivable” evil genius of Princess Bride fame). In addition, the whole “suing” super heroes concept was clever, along with the “when ‘everybody’ is called exceptional, that means nobody is” message. In my opinion, this movie deserves every dollar it earns.
So I informed my idiot boss back in March that Mrs. kkk was going to leave her job in June, meaning she’d be without health insurance for the few months she was going to be in-between jobs. I wanted her to be put on my workplace insurance plan for just 2-3 months just in case something should happen to her. I was then told to wait until the end of March and he would give me the paperwork I’d have to fill out in order to get her on the health plan. Well, the end of March came, and I informed him of this; March turned into April and I heard nothing back, despite asking him about this every week. In fact, I was scolded one time because I was “annoying” him with this request. By the time mid-May came around I knew this asshole, whose motto in life is “That’s what the last minute is for,” wasn’t going to giving me the proper forms, despite my (at least) weekly reminders. The better half’s last day of work was June 2. On JUNE 7 I get this e-mail from the asshole that read, “Here are forms you asked about a WEEK OR TWO AGO regarding putting your wife on our health plan. Let me know if you still want to do this. Thanks.” It was at this time I decided to treat every work-related request of his with the same respect and diligence he deems worthy of dealing with my family’s health care matters. And it’s been a fun month since.
I may seem to some as being an asshole, and for the most part I am. However, one thing I take seriously is my job duties. I’m one of those queer birds that actually thinks getting work done early is a good thing, and very rarely do I turn in something right at its deadline. However, every since this events I mentioned in the first paragraph, I happily do my work and wait until whatever I’ve done is requested. If I’m told to turn something in right after I create it, I do that; however, this never happens because, hey, that’s what the last minute is for. Before if I would have worked on something, such as a brochure, I would have turned it in a day or so after the request was made, and then it would be put aside for weeks by the idiot until the deadline for this project was a day or so away, which would be when I’d get revisions.
Every three months our organization, which sells insurance and annuity products, sends out quarterly statements to our customers. Now instead of outsourcing the remedial task of stuffing thousands upon thousands of envelopes, all the “staff” has to perform this job. However, I’m actually one of the few people at this place who doesn’t mind doing this. Hell, I’ve performed a lot worse tasks for a lot less pay. I’ll gladly sit in my office, listen to RIGHT-WING RADIO, and stuff envelopes for a day. This past quarterly stuffing, my idiot boss wanted to include a stupid additional insert which informed customers that our annuity rates have increased. Of course this was my job, and after a day or so I came up with some conceptual designs. But rather than immediately put the samples on asshole’s desk, I just kept them on my hard drive and did the 20 other job responsibilities that somehow magically became part of my job description by the Workplace Delegation Fairy. A week or so went by and I was finally asked about the statue of these stupid inserts. Since they were requested, I immediately sent him a sample of the insert he decided upon with the message, “I have had the revisions done for more than a week now; nobody told me what to do with them when I made the revisions, so I just kept them on file until they were requested.”
A few days went by, and the “deadline” the idiot originally set to have these inserts finalized passed. I was then given some “last-second” revisions he wanted done. Apparently, it took almost a week for him to realize that he didn’t like the font size of some words on the insert, among other things, and he sent this revision request to me via e-mail as I was shutting down my office computer and heading out for the weekend, mentioning, “these need changed ASAP.” If anyone has seen the movie “Office Space,” (and I suggest that you do), think of when Bill Lumbergh waits until the end of the workday Friday to ask Peter Gibbons to come in on Saturday to work. I made the changes the next workday, which was Monday. Tuesday came and went, and I then took Wednesday off, which apparently was when the great envelope stuffing drive took place; darn, I missed it. It’d be nice if someone would actually tell me when these events are going to take place rather than just have a thousand or two statements plopped onto my desk. Since I took the day off, I was unaware that those stupid inserts I had mentioned above were not ready to be stuffed since these inserts hadn’t been printed out yet by the idiot, so people spent that Wednesday just folding the statements; not stuffing them. (They had to wait until the inserts were printed, then stuff both the statements and inserts into envelopes; don't ask my why they were told to do this, I have no idea.) So not only did I miss the great “folding expedition of June 2006” I wasn’t part of the “great insert-stuffing orgy of chaos” which took place Thursday and Friday of last week. Although I’m enjoying my new pseudo-passive aggressive behavior, I don’t think I need to do this in order to have my idiot boss fuck up; he seems to do a good enough job of it on his own.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 78: Kahran Ramsus
Whenever a bunch of immature dolts get together to wax politic on a message board, things can sometimes get out of hand. Thank goodness we have mods like Kahran Ramsus to keep us hoes in line. I haven’t talked much to him during my time here, but he’s one of the people that make this place go ‘round. And when he signed up in my football contest last year, I got the pleasure of interacting with him more than when he just closes threads I help queer up.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. (And yes, this really is her.)
From Cancer Marney:
From EricMM:
Chazz1998 recently asked me a question regarding my 6/25 entry about how some cashiers get the “deer in headlights” look when thrown a curveball by a customer. He asked, “I was just wondering whenever you handled register duties at a previous job and had a "deer in the headlights" moment, did any customer's ever give you shit about it?” Well, I was a teen-ager, and I was a male, so the answer to this is: Oh hell yes. I spent my formative years working on the front lines of entry-job hell: fast food. While in high school, I gained much wisdom from the many adventures I encountered along the way. My first pearl of insight is: Never piss off fast-food workers when it’s 15 minutes until closing time and you can’t see what they are doing with your food. Another observation is if you don’t want to have your customers throw a tantrum, put a reasonably good-looking chick at register instead of a dopey guy. Believe me, this works. Whenever the slightest thing went wrong with an order I was responsible for, even if I had nothing to do with the snafu, the customer usually acted like I had just wiped my crack with the Shroud of Turin and asked him if he would like to super-size his order.
Here's a trip down memory lane regarding this subject. I was working register for McDonald’s with another cashier when suddenly we got hit with one of the most chaotic dinner rushes I have witnessed anywhere. Not only were we at least 10 orders deep, but drive-thru was getting swamped as well. Now I’m know I have been a part of busier shifts, but what made this suck was that we were so under-staffed for this. My "deer in headlights" moment came when this family ordered something like 10 cheeseburgers that had to be made a special way, without the onions I think. Well, when my special order came up, it was grouped with a bunch of other burgers. When I went to put bag my order, I realized that a drive-thru chick who got to this pile before me didn’t notice the special order slip for my order and just took a handful of cheeseburgers, swiping several of mine. Of course this was my fault and the head of this household blurted out to me, “Well you better find which ones are our; WE PAY YOUR WAGES!”
The reason I bring this story up is because had I been in the back making these beef discs and an attractive female co-worker been dealing with the customers, she probably wouldn’t have had much, if any, criticism directed toward her. How do I know this? I’ve witnessed enough times this magic happen, especially if the person who’s doing the ordering is a man. I guess these guys think that if they act kind and cordial that somehow an attractive cashier will ask to suck his dick in the restroom or something. Now there are exceptions to this; homely looking girls manning a register are just the same as if a guy was standing there. Also, if the male customer is with a date, then this false chivalry might not happen. However, more times than not, greeting a customer who walks through the doors, or pulls up to a drive-thru window, with a pretty face will lessen the chance of them getting pissed off should their order be made wrong up or delayed.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 79: Treble
He crashed my 10,000 post celebration and he didn’t like my use of "..." after posts back when I used to do this. However, he has known me before Mumia, and if you’re going to make fun of me take a note from him because he does is good. Also, you can't really blame the Office Glen for crashing my threads, considering I have derailed a few of his on occasion.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Kingofthe909:
• So I watched O’Reilly the other day for the first time in a while, so I figured what the hell and turned on Hannity & Colmes last night. The topic they were bitching about for this particular segment was some hick school putting up a picture of Jesus. This of course brings the Separation of Church/State Nazis and my buddy the Fascist Barry Lynn. I swear to Christ (no pun intended) if I ever see this guy in real life I might take a shovel to his noggin. Anyway, what got my attention was when Alan Colmes said, when defending the Fascist Barry Lynn, the usual talking point of “what if other religions did this?” Alan then posed the question of whether or not Christians would be so accommodating if a picture of Mohammad was posted instead. Actually, I think that would be great if this...
...got posted in our government schools. And if any offended Muslims are reading this (and I doubt you are because one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is present him with any technology that was created after 400 A.D.), remember, this isn't your sacred prophet. It's Larry. So save your jihad for something else, like those people that molest produce in the grocery store for 20 minutes before putting the shit back down and leaving.
• Well, Andrea Yates is getting a new trial (and is no longer seeing Satanic ducks and teddy bears on her cell walls) but hey, look at this. A man charged with kidnapping, raping and killing 9- year-old Jessica Lunsford just had a judge say that his confession isn’t admissible in court because the cops didn't grant him a lawyer. Although this guy will still "probably" (you never know with juries nowadays) be found guilty, shit like this only re-affirms my stance that if someone harms your family in any way you kill the fucker before some robed pinko decides that a "life" in "life sentence" means the lifespan of a fruit fly. And while I'm on the subject of judges, what the fuck?
Although it's nice to know that WASPy professionals aren't the only ones in trouble for whipping it out (allegedly, of course).
• I haven’t watched the NBA Draft in years, but this time around I decided to give it a shot. Wow was it great, but for all the wrong reasons. Not only did we have Screaming A. Smith and friends telling every draft pick why they suck right when these players were living their life's dreams, but we also had the New York Knicks draft a player who wasn’t even at this event, which was hosted at Madison Square Garden. I’m still trying to decide what I liked better: David Stern asking Dan Patrick when the ESPN crew will have something nice to say about one of the draftees, or the crowd’s reaction to the Knicks’ first-round selection. I don’t follow college basketball, so I have no idea which team “drafted best,” but it seems that the Trailblazers tried to give themselves a makeover with two top 10 draft selections. Also, how funny is it that a senior from Duke is going to be, according to the ESPN experts, the “leader” of the Atlanta Hawks?
• While I’m on the subject of college basketball players, this idea to double the number of teams playing in the March Madness Tournament is a really stupid idea. It’s bad enough many universities offer second-rate educations; they don’t need to have their second-rate basketball programs queering up everybody’s brackets. You want in the dance of 64 +1? Don’t lose during the regular season. This isn’t college football, where one win usually eliminates you from BcS consideration. Well, maybe if you’re one of those small conferences where only the conference tournament champion gets in. Then again, if you’re the top seed in the Colonial-West-Tech Conference and lose in your tournament’s championship game to a sub-.500 school, then what makes you think you’ll do any better against a Duke or Kansas?
I’m starting to tune out of the World Cup, but I found it funny that Switzerland, of all countries, had one of the top defenses in the tournament, not allowing a goal during its World Cup run. At least not during the regulation/stoppage time. Penalty kicks were another matter.
• There will be no KKK’s Top 103 Posters entry today, because I feel like talking about something gayer. Good job Czech (or whatever he’s calling himself nowadays) for showing us once again that a picture can be worth a thousand words (even if it's not available anymore). From an AIM conversation earlier today:
• I think I said a while ago about how if I had my choice to take a workday off it would be Monday. This is because it’s nice to have the three-day weekend and arrive to work with only four more days until the next break. However, I think my second choice of days would be Wednesday. This is because it nicely breaks the workweek up into a couple of two-day parts. Why do I mention this? Take a guess.
• I mentioned this at the other place, but I feel it needs repeating to all my soon-to-be-married TSM brethren. If your better half wants to take a portion of your wedding cake, stick it in the freezer and consume it on your one-year anniversary, do yourself a favor and don’t swallow. Trust me on this one.
• I haven’t watched O’Reilly’s show in a while, and last night I tuned into a segment where he was talking with two defense lawyers about Rush’s latest, err, run-in with the law. While it’s the typical formula for a cable news program to have guests with differing points of view, I found it funny that one of the defense lawyers was basically saying Rush was totally at fault and how he was responsible for the whole predicament, tossing away any idea that the local Palm Beach powers-that-be might be on a witch hunt of sorts. Now I don’t care about this story; I don’t even care what your opinion is of this incident. What I found hilarious was that a DEFENSE LAWYER was putting the blame on the DEFENDANT in this situation; it was odd hearing from one of these bottom-feeders to say that a "law-breaker" got what he deserved.
• So politicians in a state’s majority party might redistrict some seats around so their political party might reap even greater election gains? Get the hell out of here. And what is with these whiny bitches in Texas complaining about new congressional districts? Gerrymandering is an American tradition as sweet as apple pie. Democrats do it. Republicans do it. Hell, the Green Party would do it if they every got enough of their moonbats elected to office.
• The new Superman movie is now playing, and the film’s actors and actresses are making their rounds on the talk-show circuit pimping it like any good spokesperson does. I must admit I’m not a big fan of Superman, or of comic book characters in general. I’m not going to diss comic books, but they’re just not my thing. I bought some as a kid, but found video games to be more of a priority with my limited resources. I must say though that I have always been partial to Batman, and I used to own a few of his comic books as a kid. Another character I liked was the Punisher. I read somewhere that Frank Castle was the only Marvel “superhero” who was a normal human being; no superpowers – just lots of guns. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know. There was another comic book character I read some of when I was a kid, and that was Sgt. Rock. Basically, this was a WWII character and he killed lots of Krauts and had some pseudo-fling with a French chick. The reason I remember this guy is because the one time I went to a comic book fair/convention as a kid I was able to buy a dozen or so of his older editions for just a few dollars. Oh, and if you haven’t seen this Web site before, I recommend it wholeheartedly; be warned, you won’t see Superman the same way ever again.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 80: The Franchise
The Franchise: He’s one of those British people, and I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond. However, he has seemed harmless enough, and we’ve even chatted a few times via AIM. Problem was our conversations were short-lived due to those wacky time zones; each time he AIM’d me it was time for me to leave work (and yes, that was the real reason). He seemed like a nice guy, but not nice enough for me to stay past my shift and gab with.
• Rush, Rush, Rush, what am I ever going to do with you? I guess I should be grateful that you weren’t caught with Oxycontin. Oh well, I might as well get this one out of the way: “I always knew he was a member of the hard Right, but this is taking it a bit too far.”
• The Johnstown Tribune-Democrat, in the midst of a design change, might drop the "Democrat" from its name. Hopefully, this won’t be the only Democrat in the region dropped this year -– Johnstown, Pa., is home to John Murtha.
• I’ll tell you what. After listening to W. tear into the N.Y. Slimes for publishing a program that monitors international banking transactions, I wish he got pissed off every time he spoke in public. I can’t wait for the next terrorist attack to hit this country, if only to hear the Slimes and other Medium-Large Media allies wonder why the government didn't do more to gather up intel that could have prevented the attack. Better yet, hopefully Abdul will blow himself up inside the Gray Lady’s headquarters.
• Oh for fuck’s sake. Let’s just ban cigarettes outright. I’m sick and tired of hearing how the slightest whiff of tobacco will kill me 60 years from now. Let’s ban smoking in all restaurants, because when I’m about to bite into my bacon cheeseburger with a side of seasoned fries I don’t want my health to be at risk because of some smoker across the eatery taking a puff off of his cancer stick.
• Al Keiper and Vern Gagne mentioned in Al’s blog that the designated hitter position should be kept for All-Star games. Having spent about 4-5 seconds thinking about this topic, I think the DH rule should be used depending on where the All-Star game is being held. If the game is being played in an American League field, use the extra bat. If the game is held on a field from the Senior Circuit, make the pitchers earn their keep. Personally, I think the Designated Hitter is nothing more than a way to keep beefy ballplayers with bad knees from having to earn their paychecks out in the field, but that’s what you get with unions. While I’m on this subject, one thing that has to go is this hippie “the winning league at the All-Star game gets home-field advantage in the World Series.” All-Star games are meant to be an exhibition. If you really don’t want to have one of these contests run out of pitchers in extra innings, then don’t feel obligated to play every person on your roster within the course of nine innings.
• Some guy could face jail time for writing "BULL (expletive) MONEY GRAB." On the memo line of a check he sent to pay for a parking fine? Crap. Every once in a while I write something stupid on my check’s memo line. Most of the time if I’m paying my local quarterly tax it’s usually something dumb like, “Making sure the Man doesn’t throw me in jail,” but there have been a few instances when I’ve been quite rude, especially when I was paying for some bullshit fee, service charge or hidden cost I was hit with. The worst, however, came in 2000 when I got screwed over on my state taxes and wrote on my check to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, “So you Jew bastards can take even more of my hard-earned money.” It’s things like this that I look back on and realize if I ever decide to run for public office I wouldn’t last more than a week in the public spotlight.
You know one of the things I love about the workplace? When you interview for a job, get a rundown of your duties and agree on a wage, only to discover that your employer neglected to inform you of the thirty other job responsibilities assigned to you. Better yet, they let you know of these newfound duties when whatever you’re responsible for breaks down. This happened to me the first time our office DSL service went kaput. You see, because I don’t fear computers (much), I’m the official IT guy. Of course, I didn’t learn of this until after the first time the DSL stopped working. Now, after many months of intensive study and rigorous training, I have developed a way to fix the many instances when our organization’s Internet setup goes haywire. You ready? Well, here’s what I do. I hope you’re sitting down for this.
I unplug the modem. Wait a few seconds. Replug.
That’s it.
And I’m the only person capable of doing this.
I swear to fucking Christ I don’t understand how our place stays in business. Whenever the Internet/e-mail is down for more than 30 seconds, I get a phone call saying, “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I then have to drop everything I’m doing, walk up two floors to the main office, unplug the fucking modem, wait a few seconds, and then replug it back in, all the while everyone else just sits there not having a fucking clue as of what to do. I’ve tried explaining to these people that every time I call Verizon DSL tech support, the first thing they tell me to do is unplug the modem and see if service gets kicked back on. EVERY FUCKING TIME I have had to call Verizon regarding this matter, this is what they tell me to do, and 99.9% of the time it has worked. When I ask why this happens, I don’t get a coherent answer. Of course, nobody else in our organization is capable to performing the technical magic I can. I have even offered to show people, free of charge, the complex task of UNPLUGGING AND REPLUGGING THE FUCKING MODEM. However, since this is “my job,” nobody else is able to shoulder this burden.
The last time I called off work our precious Internet service went down during my absence. I heard the next day that the Internet service was down for more than FOUR HOURS, all because nobody bothered to UNPLUG AND REPLUG THE FUCKING MODEM. I guess I should feel grateful that I’m such a valuable part of the team, but trust me hearing “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” and having to walk up two stories just to UNPLUG AND REPLUG A FUCKING MODEM can get a little tedious, especially when I have actual work that needs to be done.
Why am I talking about this? Because this shit happened today. I was away from my office for about 45 minutes putting together a mass-mailing project. Now even though we have a midget who is supposed to be in charge of all postage matters, let’s just say I’ve learned to live by the saying of, “if you want a job done right do it yourself.” (And also because one time when he took several weeks to mail out something I needed sent ASAP due to the fact he was too fucking lazy to move a piece of equipment that weighed less than 10 lbs to get the thing that needed mailed, I was told to “go fuck myself.”) So there I was doing my thing, and after 45 minutes of work I went up to the third floor to weigh all the parcels I was sending out. Suddenly, I heard it. “OMG THE INTERNET IS DOWN~!” I was then informed that the Internet had been down for 40 MINUTES. I said that I’m already in the midst of another “crisis,” and that I can only handle one earth-shattering moment at a time. I promised that after I was done with what I was working on I’d get right onto the Internet catastrophe. After driving to and from the post office I took a 20-minute poop. Well the actual act of pooping only lasted about 30 seconds. The rest of the time was spent reading the rest of my Sunday Tribune-Review that I brought with me to work. You’ll be pleased to know that, after nearly 75 minutes of downtime, I was able to fix the precious Internet. How did I do it? Why, I UNPLUGGED AND REPLUGGED THE FUCKING MODEM.
Thank God I’m two floors away from just about every one of my co-workers.
Well I had a Seinfeld moment yesterday. The better half and I decided to take our separate bank accounts and merge them into one. When we went to her bank to close out her account, and withdraw the whopping $1.50 from her savings account (OK, she also had her most recent paycheck in there, too), we approached this bank teller who looked to be in her early 20s. As this relatively thin woman nervously typed in some numbers on her computer, one thing above all else stuck out at me. She had Man Hands. God damn were they Man Hands. How these sausages managed to push down only one key at a time were beyond me. The reason I noticed these Man Hands was because we were at her station for at least 10-15 minutes. The reason? She didn’t know the first thing about closing an account and had the old “Customer Service Representative in headlights” look. I’m not complaining, mind you, because this “headlights” feeling is one of the worst things anyone can experience, outside of unsuccessfully trapping a soccer ball with your inner thigh without wearing a jock strap. It’s funny when I hear some people who have never worked a customer-service job in their life complain when a cashier took longer than four seconds to give out proper change. Look, I know there are dipshits out there ringing registers, but not every cashier is a high school dropout who can’t perform basic match. My theory as to how normally bright people can suddenly clam up in situations like this isn’t because they can’t do the job, it’s that they aren’t used to be put on the spot like this. It’s like having to perform improv in front of an audience, and many people, especially if they’re new to something, just aren’t cut out for that sort of thing.
Believe me, I know this feeling. There’s nothing like thinking you can answer just about anything a customer asks you, and then getting thrown for a loop with the first customer of the day who asks you something. The only way to deal with these types of experiences is to live through them. For me the most aggravating of these situations is when you are giving a customer change and they throw the old “here’s a few extra dollars, now give me a $10 bill instead of $5 and three $1s. Like I said before, the actual math of this equation is simple enough, but when you’re into hour seven of your shift, have four other people waiting in line, and have another customer asking you a question about something else, it’s easy to get flustered. And when you pause for a few seconds to get an idea of what’s going on, the spotlight suddenly shines brighter on you, and your every action and reaction is being judged by a bunch of people who think you’re not worthy of earning your $6/hour wage. For the record, my way of dealing with this is to not let the customer’s “extra $2” get anywhere near the $8 in change I was about to give him. Once that transaction was complete, I would then take the $10 in loose bills, put it in my register, and give out a $10 bill. Simple, effective and foolproof. And the only way I learned this was by trial and error, and then even more error.
Back to the bank. So when this teller looked around for someone to help her out with a procedure she probably never had to do, and was only trained on for a few minutes when she started this job, what did I do? I stepped aside and worked on something else, trying to make her uncomfortable situation a little more bearable. I don’t know if it helped any, but it had to have been better than if I were to stand over her and impatiently tap my fingers on her counter.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 81: Agent of Oblivion
Last I heard, Agent still ships out cancer sticks at a warehouse and drives big trucks. He was one of the more entertaining mods during his tenure in that position of power, especially with that post count vortex thing. And although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that? I haven’t seen him around much; I'm guessing he's still off making Aryan babies. Happy drilling.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Porter:
From SFA Jack:
From EricMM:
• Remember a while back when I was torn between which local publication to get my weekly coupons from -- the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette, which is a liberal rag; or the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review, who pissed me off regarding my subscription. Well, a recent editorial by the Post-Gazette has once again given the Trib a few more points in the "keep and re-subscribe" category. For those that don't know, there's this guy in Philadelphia that has a cheese steak shop which has the sign: ""This is America. When ordering, 'Speak English.' " Apparently, the Post-Gazette, with a headline titled "On immigrants, Santorum sends a worrisome sign," sides with the chairman of the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission, who said, "Even though this may not have been the intent of Geno's, the presence of the sign harkens back to a time when signs stating, 'no colored allowed,' 'Whites only,' 'no Jews,' or 'no Italians or Irish need apply,' often greeted patrons of public places." Whatever, you fucking dipshit. What also made me laugh was the Gazette's comment of "Mr. Vento remains defiant, while conservative commentators and others upset about the presence of illegal immigrants rally to his cause." Yeah, those wacky extremists that think people coming across the U.S. border is a bad thing.
• It's nice to know that the ACLU, the supposed defenders of the freedom of speech, sue school boards when they remove books about the happy life of Commie Cubans, stating that "the school board should add materials with alternate viewpoints rather than remove books that could be offensive." But yet the ACLU wants to impose a speech code forbidding its individual directors from publicly stating their disagreement with an ACLU decision or policy.
• I can't opine on this article, because every time I start reading it I cringe. Sorry.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 82: Special K.
I don’t really have much to say about Special K. I see him around; he seems OK enough, case closed. However, what puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread. At first everyone was happy for Mr. K and his newfound poon, but as the posts went on, and we all got to learn that he enjoys eating pussy, people began to turn on him.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
From Carnival:
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
• Once again ESPN is showing its bias toward the heartland of this country. This network pops wood every time the Yankees and Red Sox meet up, and I’ve had it with this preferential treatment. I mean, the Pirates and Royals just wrapped up their inter-league series and I didn’t see a blip of coverage on this clash of the Titans. Ohhhh, Roger Clemens is pitching in Houston again. Fuck that. You can have your “Rocket Returns,” storyline; give me Freddy Sanchez fielding a ball and throwing it to first base. Give me Paul Maholm pitching 4.3 innings while only giving up seven runs. Damn you East-Coast bias.
• Speaking of baseball, here’s the neat thing about the sport. The Chicago White Sox just swept the St. Louis Cardinals. The first two games they won 20-6 and 13-5. The third they won 1-0. You never know what you’ll get with each game. UPDATE: Just heard the Cards accused the Sox of stealing signs for the first two games, lol.
• So I’ve gotten to the last week of April for my MVP 2005 franchise, and I’m really digging playing every game in my organization, from the A-Lynchburg Hillcats to the Shittsburgh Pirates. When I play Madden or NHL’06 I wait until the end of the season to tweak sliders, although with MVP I’ll be doing this every month of the season. The games are realistic for me except for the fact I can’t hit a home run if my life depended on it. For instance, the “slugger” on my Pirates team with one (maybe even two!) dingers is Benito Santiago. However, last night’s win with the AAA-Indianapolis Indians showed me who my newest slugger could be: Pitcher Joe Roa, who last night belted a three-run homer. Oh well, I’ll take any round-tripper I can get. I’m also going to have to tweak the pitching and base stealing sliders a bit, but the lack of home runs are really what’s killing me. Although my games are tilted toward 3-1/5-2 contests, I’ve always been partial to pitching duels rather than home-run derbys anyway.
• One radio commercial that has been annoying me lately are these ads for the Home Depot. The people in these ads talk about how great it’s going to be to get a new BBQ set or some refurbished room. When they list the reasons why this is going to be great, the last, and “most important,” thing they say is, “Best of all, I won’t have to pay a thing for it until 2007.” Yeah, and then when 2007 comes around you still won’t have the money for pay for whatever you purchased and fall even deeper in debt. Just because spending money you don't have works in the public sector doesn't mean you'll be able to get away with it in the real world.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 83: BDC
He likes to kick some liberal ass and doesn’t consider lethal injection to be one of the dirtier forms of offing a convicted murderer. In addition, he’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade. How can he not be on my list?
• Rick Santorum, I love you and all (in a non-homo way, of course), but letting us know that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq isn’t going to erase that 18-point lead Bob Casey, Jr. has on you in the ’06 election. Face it, there’s no way you are going to beat the son of a popular former governor. Not only did you piss off your base by supporting Arlen Spector in the 2004 GOP Primary over conservative Pat Toomey, but the moderate Democrat voters are going to side with Junior because he calls himself pro-life, which I guess passes as being “moderate” enough to be a moderate Democrat, even though I'm sure he'll just tote the party line in any abortion-related vote to reach the Senate. Add to this mess that Ed Rendell will be bringing up the dead in his ’06 re-election bid and you’re looking at a recipe for an election-night loss. You served two terms. Good job. Now go out, get a more lucrative job, and feed your 20 kids while this state continues to go down the shitter by electing Democrats.
• Back when I used to watch wrestling, I remember that Torch Web site had this feature when Wade Keller would let us all know how wrestling had been accepted into the mainstream every time some actor bodyslammed a villain on TV or when some kids at a local mall would tell girls walking by to “suck it.” I have no idea where I’m going with this but Hulk Hogan has just put his mansion near Tampa on the market for $25 million.
• The other day I talked about my groundhog-killing neighbor. Now time to talk about the other residence next to me. When it comes to neighbors I’ve learned that it’s best to just keep to yourself and leave them alone. If they want to be friendly and chat every now and then, that’s fine, but it’s been my experience that most people don’t want to be bothered. Anyway, ever since these people moved in about a year or so ago I haven’t said two words to them. Their dog, on the other hand, won’t shut up any time I come in within 200 feet of her; the dog’s name is Clowly, so I’m guessing it’s a female. So last night I was watering this portion of the back yard that has recently been re-seeded, and Clowly gets let out on her chain. Of course she barks the entire time I’m out there, which doesn’t bother me. However, as I was wrapping the garden hose up and taking it into the garage, these neighbors start yelling at the dog for barking and take her back in. Uh, you did NOTHING for the 10 minutes I was out there when your dog was yapping away, and now that I’m done you decide you can’t take the noise anymore and bring the dog back in? If you would have waited another minute or two, your dog would have quieted down, and you wouldn’t have had to try and pretend like you give a shit about your pet, or what she does outside.
All good things must come to an end, and around this time every year a little piece of me dies inside because the NBA and NHL playoffs conclude. This year had both leagues experience exciting match-ups, even in their respective final rounds. Normally, after the first two rounds of each league's playoffs, I tend to tune in and out for the rest of their seasons. This year, however, was different.
NHL: Like I said in a previous entry, this was one contest where I didn't know who to cheer for when it came to the Stanley Cup Finals. There were a number of Hurricane players that I remember from my childhood, but how can you not cheer for the low seed that scratched and clawed its way to a Finals berth? I think in the end I was pulling for the Hurricanes to take this one. Edmonton did themselves in by having their goalie Dwayne Roloson hurt during Game 1. For all those that want to put the blame on the backup goalie who made that puck-handling blunder late in Game 1, I say leave him alone. God knows when he saw any real ice time before that, and they expected him to take a close Game 1 in stride? If blame is to be laid anywhere, it's that Oilers player that knocked an opponent into Roloson, knocking him out for the rest of the Finals. After that "gimmie" win, the Oilers gave Game 2 away as well. However, you have to hand it to Edmonton -- most teams would have just packed their things and went home. To dig out of a 0-2 deficit and take the series to seven games says a lot about the character of that team. However, like I said before, in the end it was nice to know that Rod Brind’Amour and Glen Wesley finally got to lift the Stanley Cup up, especially Wesley. Back in the '90s I was a Bruins fan and felt bad seeing him and Ray Bourque always come up short. When Bourque finally won with Colorado, all that was left was for Wesley to get the chance to give Lord Stanley a smooch.
NBA: I'm not sure what was more remarkable -- the Heat winning three on their home court and going on to best Dallas in Game 6, or the Mavericks coming two and three-quarters games away from taking a commanding 3-0 series lead only to crash and burn. I wasn't sure which team was going to win Game 6 at first. Dallas had the upper hand midway through the second quarter, but then I got up to scoop some litter boxes. When I returned the Heat were leading by a point. It was then, with a plastic bag filled with soiled clumpable litter that I knew the Heat were going to win their first championship later that night. However, the real highlight of this series came when Mavericks owner Mark Cuban was answering questions from the media after a loss. One reporter asked him if this is the worst loss he ever experienced and Cuban responded by saying something like, "No, one time in my Pee-Wee league we lost a game with two seconds left." Like Cuban or not, that's a great answer. I'm not sure what to make of this guy; some people like him because he's different from just about every pro sports owner out there -- others think he's full of shit and needs to check himself before he wrecks himself. While I'm sure he's a phony in some aspects of his public image, I'd rather have him signing paychecks to a team than Bill Bidwell of the Arizona Cardinals or Donald Sterling of the Clippers.
See both of you leagues next year.
