Turn them into the Fantastic 4!
Hurricane = Reed Richards, the dumbest smart guy on earth who never notices that Stacy is hitting on him.
Rosey = The Thing, well he is fat what else can he do?!?!?!
Stacy = Invisible Woman, she will only wear pasteys and g-string.
CM Punk = Human Torch, the guy that always wants to be the center of attention.
Kane = Dr. Doom, he always looked good in a mask and has the ability to ignite pyro at command.