Chuck Woolery

We come back from a break, panning over the crowd before settling on Sofa Central and Triple C. COLE Fans, welcome back to HeldDown, and if you're just tuning in, let us inform you of tonight's HUGE main event: COACH CRYSTAL! COLE That's right, it'll be Crystal, one on one with one half of the two-man ego trip, Calvin Szechstien! CABOOSE Should be a hell of a match! COLE Well, you're in a good mood tonight, Caboose! CABOOSE Hey, I can't explain it. I just have a good feeling about tonight. COLE Well anyway, word is we have a camera live on Crystal in the back! COACH Ooh! *cut to the back* We see a shot of Crystal at a table pouring a cup of water from a cooler. COLE Our DOA Abe Vigoda has ordered that camera on Crystal as long as she holds the 24/7 Title, and-- COACH Hey! Hoff Daddy! Hoff walks to the table, grabbing a glass of water. HOFF Hey, Crystal. Crystal jumps back and tenses. CRYSTAL What-- HOFF Yikes, relax. It's just me. Hoff smiles, and Crystal relaxes and sighs. CRYSTAL Hoff...sorry. It's just that I've been kind of on edge lately. HOFF Yeah, I know what you mean. Crystal looks up at Hoff sharply. CRYSTAL No...you don't. Hoff, you don't know Zack like I do. He used to be my friend...one of my best friends, and for him to do what he did...I just don't understand it! Hoff nods. HOFF Yeah, well...you know I never liked the guy. Crystal laughs slightly, somewhat nervously, before the more serious, worried look returns. CRYSTAL I don't know what to think anymore. I've got so much on my mind. Zack, Candie, not to mention Axel-- HOFF Well, I tell you what. You go out tonight, and teach Calvin a thing or two about right and wrong. And Zack... CRYSTAL Zack... HOFF Zack, and Candie, let me take care of them. CRYSTAL Huh? Hoff smiles. HOFF Crys, I'm telling you, I got your back. I know I'm not your friend, I know you probably don't trust me, but believe me when I tell you I've got just as much of an issue with Malibu as anyone. Crystal smiles. CRYSTAL Hoff...thanks. Crystal walks off as Hoff takes a sip of water. HOFF Don't mention it. (We cut to another shot, seeing Sly Sommers leave the janitor's closet, wearing his ring gear and holding his gym bag. He literally bumps into Crystal while walking down the hallway.) CRYSTAL Hey, watch where you're...oh, hey Sly. What's with this? SLY Well, I went to your guys' locker room to change today again, like I was told by Abe, and they promptly kicked me out yet again. I needed a place to change since I wanted to exhibit the European Rounds format, so I had to use the good ole' janitor's closet. CRYSTAL I see...by the way, I was wondering if you saw who attacked you after you had Abe sign you versus Calvin for School's Out. SLY All I saw was a shadow...a pretty big shadow. It had muscles...on top of muscles. I didn't see who exactly it was...but he looked like a dangerous fellow. CRYSTAL We better keep on our toes then... SLY Yeah...hey, I've got to go. I'm outie. (Sly slaps Crystal's hand) (Both walk their seperate ways, as the camera follows Crystal. She bumps into Hoff.) CRYSTAL Hey Hoff, what's up? HOFF What was that? CRYSTAL Nothing, just talking to a fellow competitor...you know how it is... HOFF No, I don't. We can't trust him. Most likely, he's a spy from the other side, and by befriending him, you're helping THEM win! CRYSTAL Listen...I know how much of a snake that Sly can be. I've dealt with him before. But, I honestly think he's sincere now, and I would wish you guys would give him a chance too. HOFF I know you got your mind in weird places with this whole Malibu situation, but beware: if he double-crosses you, it ain't our fault. (Hoff walks off, as we fade to SOFA CENTRAL~) COLE Ladies and Gentlemen, this Sunday will see one a highly anticipated match for the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship. CABOOSE For once, you're right. I'm anticipating another humiliation for the Global Party Exchange at the hands of the mighty Black T. COACH It's true that Black T have had the edge of the GPX so far, as T Bod defeated Johnny Jackson last week in addition to Black T edging out the GPX in the final of the tag title tournament earlier this month. COLE Up next we'll see Scotty Static try to give his team some momentum going into School's Out as he takes on Dan Black... CABOOSE What a joke this is...former IZ General Manager, OAOAST Legend, international hero and a fellow countryman of mine- Dan Black has done it all, and he has to go one on one with Scotty Static?! This is going to be the biggest miss match since you idiots tried to hustle me at poker. COACH It wasn't my fault! COLE You were holding the cards the wrong way round! BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall, and is a foreshadowing of the titanic tag team title tussle to be seen this sunday, only on Pay Per View... "Quiet" hits, as a familiar flood of black smoke pours from the entrance. COLE Not only is Dan Black evil, he's bad for the environment! Look at that polluting smoke! BUFFER From London, England, weighing 243 pounds, he is one half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions of the Wooooooooooooooorld, the Ice Heart, Daaaaaaaaaaaan BLACK! Dan strides down to the ring in black trench coat, trunks and shades. Around his waist glitters his tag title belt. Jivin' JR is not accompanying him. COLE No JR out here with Dan, Caboose. What do you think this means? CABOOSE JR probably has his head stuck in a bucket of chicken wings or something. Dan slides into the ring, ignoring the hostile crowd, and holds up his title, sneering proudly. BUFFER And his opponent... "Make Her Say" hits, and Scotty Static bounces out, throwing his arms in the air and getting down for the fans. Scotty jigs down to the ring, watched by Dan Black with a look of total disgust on his face. BUFFER From HOTlanta, Georgia, at 192lbs, he is an all singing, all dancing superstar and one half of the Global Party Exchange- Scotty STAAAAAAAAAAAAAATIC! Scotty bounces into the ring- and Dan nails him from the side, knocking him to the mat! Our referee calls for the bell, and we're underway! COACH A typical cheap shot from Dan to start things off. CABOOSE Hey, Scotty was in the ring, wasn't he? He shouldn't waste time with all the dancing. Dan stomps the fallen Scotty down, before dragging him up by the hair. Black lashes a pair of European uppercuts into Static's jaw, and whips him to the ropes. Scotty ducks under Dan's lariat and nails him with a dropkick to the chest as Black turns. Dan scrambles up, but gets a deep armdrag. Black is up to one knee, and Scotty rushes in with a shining wizard~! - but Dan sees it coming and ducks, following with a jawbreaker. With Static staggered, Black gives him a toe kick and gathers him in and body slams him hard. Dan drops a knee from the middle rope, and smiles smugly as Scotty clutches his face. Black brings Static up and goes for another bodyslam, but Scotty slips out of his grasp and falls behind him, applying a waistlock for a German suplex- but Dan counters to his own German, hitting Scotty hard and keeping the bridge: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! CABOOSE That was three. Count them right, referee! COLE Scotty's been rocked by Dan's early assault. He needs to try and fly around and disorientate Dan, who isn't the fastest of wrestlers. Black and Static are both up from the pin, but Dan is still in control with another pair of uppercuts, before drawing Static in and trying for a POWERBOMB- but Static flips out again and throws a flurry of punches that stun Dan. Scotty grabs Dan in and spikes him hard into the mat with a DDT! Static skips over for the cover- ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Static brings Dan back up and gives him a snap suplex, before climbing to the top rope. Scotty jumps off quickly with a leg drop that nearly decapitates Dan. Black writhes on the mat, clutching his throat, as Static covers again. ONE! TWO! THREE-KICKOUT! Static brings Dan up, and whips him to the ropes, but Dan grabs the top cable and stops himself. Scotty runs in, but Dan just steps off the ropes and nails him with a Yakuza kick to the face! Cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! COLE Man, that was close! COACH Both men taking some big impact here. CABOOSE This isn't just a warm up match. When Dan inflicts some serious damage on Scotty, it'll give Black T an extra edge for Sunday. Not that they need it. Dan pulls Scotty up and applies a front face lock facing the ropes. He lifts Scotty into a vertical suplex, but then drops him forward with a slingshot into a brainbuster! Cover! ONE! TWO! THRRRRR-KICKOUT! Dan slams the mat and grabs the ref by the collar! The official shoves Dan in the chest to the approval of the fans. Black raises his fist at the referee, but Scotty dropkicks him in the back! Dan picks himself up, but Static is ready and works him over with some stiff kicks to the legs and torso. Scotty whips Dan into the corner and charges after him, jumping feet first into Dan and monkey flipping him out into the ring! Black lands on his back hard, and Scotty vaults to the top rope for STATIC SHOCK! But Dan is up quicker than Scotty anticipated and jumps up to the top rope after him. Black slams a punch to Static's kidney, and wraps an arm around his waist. Dan pulls back, and hits Static with a belly to back suplex from the top rope! Both men connect with the canvas hard, and it takes Black a minute to cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! COLE Great resilience from Static! CABOOSE Why doesn't he just lay down? He must know he can't beat Dan, surely? Dan picks himself and Scotty back up and double underhooks Static's arms, going for his Pitch Black (Angel's Wings)- but Scotty counters out of it to a hammerlock on Dan. Black counters to a full nelson, looking for his Nightshade Dragon Suplex. Scotty knocks Dan's hands down, but only as far as his waiste, where Dan attempts a German suplex- but Scotty flips out and lands on his feet! Dan doesn't see Static recover, and makes a throat cutting gesture to the fans as Scotty climbs to the top rope! Black turns and Static leaps off with a sunset flip from the top! COLE Johnny B. Badd's finisher! COACH Who? ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men roll up, and Dan goes for KICK WHAM BLACKOUT- but Scotty pushes him off, and hits him with a jump over neckbreaker ala John Cena. Dan bounces onto this back, and Scotty vaults to the top rope, jumping off and back with STATIC SHOCK- but Dan rolls aside! Scotty eats canvas! Dan grabs Scotty and rolls him up with a La Majistral cradle! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KICKOUT! Dan angrily picks Scotty up again, double underhooks his arms- but Static flips Dan onto his back and rolls over him with a pin! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men up again, but Scotty runs straight into a belly to belly throw from Black! Dan covers! ONE! TWO! Feet on the ropes! COACH Hey, ref! THREE! NO! The official sees the feet on the ropes, and pushes them off! Dan jumps up angrily, but Static rolls him up from behind! ONE! TWO! THREE! CABOOSE NO! COLE YES! DING DING DING BUFFER The winner of the match- Scotty STATIC! CABOOSE What a screw job! COLE Hey, Dan was caught cheating and paid for it! COACH And the GPX get one over on Black T going into Sunday! CABOOSE Or do they? Scotty is on the second rope, celebrating, when Dan Black jumps up and gives him a release Dragon Suplex! Dan SPITS onto the fallen Static and leaves to chants of ASSHOLE! COLE Dan's such a sore loser! CABOOSE Mikey, Black T are WINNERS! And they'll be winners again, at School's Out!

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! “Trust Me” by Lucy Woodward begins to play, and that’s Trust Me as in “You’d best trust me when I tell you that the BEST SHOW POSTER EVAR~ Calvin Szechstein is bringing this show to you! We SEE THE LOGO~ And “Trust Me” is cut off by “Money” by Pink Floyd! The crowd boos as J. Arthur Edwards makes his way out. JAE comes out wearing his dark blue track pants made of the finest material, with white stripes down the sides, a Harvard Law t-shirt, and a pair of the newest expensive tennis shoes. The fans heckle him, but he doesn’t care since he seems to be quite cheerful today.* MICHAEL BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Washington, DC, J. ARTHUR EDWARDS!!!! *JAE slides into the ring and takes off his shirt. Some girls in the audience stop booing at this sight and some even clap. JAE just smiles and leans in the corner to wait for AJ as his music fades out.* COLE What a cocky bastard. CABOOSE You would be too if you had a lot of money and a lot of connections. *Man in the Box by Alice in Chains starts up and the fans rise to their feet to applaud the X-Division Champ. AJ doesn’t even stop to pose before running to the ring and sliding in.* COLE Buffer didn’t even get to announce him! He’s ready to fight! *DING DING DING* Edwards catches him sliding in with a stomp, but it doesn’t slow AJ down. AJ pops to his feet and clobbers Edwards with a forearm shot. Edwards stumbles into the corner and AJ catches him with two quick chops. Edwards leans between the ropes and motions for a time out. CABOOSE Give the man a time out! COLE There are no time outs in wrestling! COACH And there’s no crying in Baseball. CABOOSE That was just dumb…you’ve lost your talking privileges for the night. AJ attempts to grab Edwards, but the ref steps in because Edwards is still in the ropes. As the ref backs AJ up Edwards runs over and tags AJ in the face with a cheap shot that staggers him. Edwards then grabs him by the head and plants multiple knee shots to the gut and ribs before taking him down with a Gut Wrench Suplex. Cover. 1 No!!! COLE That was a cheap shot! CABOOSE Hey blame the ref on that one. He shouldn’t have stuck his nose in. Edwards locks up with AJ as he stands and whips him to the corner, but it’s reversed and Edwards hits the corner back first. Edwards staggers out right into a kick to the gut by AJ, setting up a DDT, but Edwards punches his way out. Edwards quickly grabs the arm of the dazed AJ and hits a Judo Toss before backing up to the ropes and hitting a Running Senton Splash. Cover. 1 2 No!!! Edwards pulls AJ to his feet by the arm and lifts him onto his shoulders for a Rolling Fireman’s Carry Takedown, but AJ pulls him down with a Crucifix Pin. 1 2 No!!! Edwards gets up and stomps angrily at AJ before complaining about pulled tights. *The fans boo and shake their heads no* COLE Pulled tights!? Can you even pull tights on that move? CABOOSE Yes, and I clearly saw him do it! As Edwards continues to complain AJ gets to his feet, spins Edwards around, kicks him in the gut, and hits a DDT. As Edwards lies on the ground AJ drops a knee onto his shoulder, causing Edwards to cry out in pain. AJ then pulls him up by the arm, much the same way Edwards did earlier. He then twists the arm around with an Arm Wringer, but Edwards rolls forward to untwist the arm and then puts on an Arm Wringer of his own. AJ rolls forward and reverses the hold one more time, which causes the fans to applaud. This time Edwards untwists and positions himself underneath AJ so that he can easily lift him into the Fireman’s Carry position. Instead of rolling, Edwards presses him up for the Objection, but AJ gives him the slip and lands behind him. *The fans cheer the exchange* CABOOSE Will someone hit a move already!? AJ then grabs him and hits a Russian Leg Sweep and goes for the cover. 1 2 No!!! COLE Do you feel better now Caboose? CABOOSE No. The wrong person did the move. AJ then rolls him over, twists his arm into a Hammerlock position, and drops two knee drops onto it. Edwards cries out, but also fights for the ropes and makes it. The ref calls for a break and AJ obliges, but remains close in order to grab Edwards as he stands. Edwards stands, but quickly ducks out of the ring for a breather. *The fans boo and some even reach out to touch Edwards as he walks around outside. Edwards starts to swat at them until he realizes they are ladies.* AJ makes his way outside the ring and spins Edwards around, but Edwards is ready and catches him with a hard right to the head. Edwards then whips AJ hard into the ring post and AJ bounces off. COLE He lured him out of the ring! CABOOSE Duh! What a move! Edwards shakes the pain out of his shoulder before picking AJ up and sliding him into the ring. Inside the ring Edwards rolls AJ onto his stomach, backs up, and then hits a Running SSP onto AJ’s back! CABOOSE Now we’re talking! Go after the back! AJ cringes in pain as Edwards pulls him to his feet and then scoops him up for a Backbreaker. Edwards holds onto him and lifts him up. He then turns him slightly and hits a Rib Breaker before slamming him down hard. Edwards smiles and rolls AJ onto his stomach again before climbing to the second rope and hitting a Senton Splash to the back. AJ cries out and holds his back in pain as Edwards turns him over, hooks a leg, and goes for the pin. 1 2 3…NO!!! AJ kicks out! COLE Amazing! AJ Flaire shouldn’t even be wrestling with his back hurt and yet he still kicks out! COACH You can’t stop the Flaire! CABOOSE Didn’t I tell you to shut up? Edwards pulls AJ up by the head and plants a few knee strikes for good measure before whipping him to the corner. He then backs up to the opposite corner and comes in with a spear…but AJ moves at the last second and Edwards goes shoulder first into the ring post! AJ catches his bearings and pulls Edwards out before scooping him up for a Shoulderbreaker! AJ uses the time to rest a little until Edwards makes it to his feet. He stretches his back out as much as he can to get rid of the pain, but it’s obvious that he is hurting immensely. Edwards slowly gets to his feet and AJ grabs him by the bad arm and hits an Armdrag. Edwards comes up holding his arm as AJ grabs him for a Double Arm Suplex, but his back pains keep him from lifting Edwards. Edwards uses the opportunity to get under AJ and hit a Back Body Drop. AJ lands hard on his back and it shows in his face. COLE He can’t take much more of this. Abe was right, he shouldn’t be wrestling. CABOOSE Then why didn’t Abe strip him of the title? COLE Because he was being blackmailed over obviously photo shopped pictures! Edwards shakes his arm to get some feeling back in it before pulling AJ up by the head and hitting a Back Suplex, making sure to put the impact mostly on the back instead of the neck. Edwards then stands, turns around, and goes for a Moonsault Pin, but AJ gets his knees up and Edwards bounces off. *The fans cheer as AJ fends off the attack* Edwards rolls around the mat in pain as AJ uses the ropes to pull himself up. AJ grabs Edwards by the hair and pulls him up just like Edwards had been doing. The ref admonishes him for pulling hair, but AJ just tells him to piss off before hitting Edwards with a Dangerous Back Suplex. *The fans cheer and chant “A-J” as he starts to climb the turnbuckles.* CABOOSE This kid is an idiot! COLE I agree that this isn’t a smart move. What is he doing? AJ slowly reaches the top and signals to the fans that he’s ready. *The fans cheer louder* Slowly Edwards gets to his feet, sees AJ, and stumbles into the ropes to make AJ crotch himself on the top turnbuckle. *The fans boo loudly as AJ slumps over in pain.* Edwards grabs him and pulls him forward while locking his foot under the turnbuckle. AJ is now locked in a Tree of Woe with his back facing the inside of the ring. Edwards flips the double bird to the crowd and then points at AJ. COLE My God AJ is helpless!!! CABOOSE I know! Isn’t it great!? Edwards then plants four shoulder thrusts into AJ’s back before backing up a few paces and Spearing AJ as hard as he can to his back! The spear dislodges AJ and he slumps to the mat as Edwards drags him away from the ropes and makes a cover. 1 2 3 No!!! AJ kicks out at the last second!! Edwards can’t believe that AJ kicks out and complains to the ref about a slow count. The ref assures him that the count was fair, but Edwards shoves him anyway. The ref becomes angry and threatens to disqualify Edwards, but before he can AJ rolls up Edwards in a last ditch effort. 1 2 No!!! *The fans let out a loud sigh as Edwards kicks out.* Edwards kicks out and is even more pissed that AJ almost got the drop on him. Edwards then rolls out of the ring and begins looking for weapons under the ring. COLE No!! This isn’t a No DQ match! As Edwards looks a ladder suddenly slides out from under the ring. Edwards and the fans look confused, but he picks it up and slides it in the ring. The ref shoves Edwards as payback for earlier and tells him not to use the ladder or else. Edwards picks up the ladder and the ref grabs the end of it. Edwards has enough and yanks the ladder away before blasting the ref in the head with it. COLE That son of a bitch!!! CABOOSE Hit AJ with it…hit everyone with it!! Except me of course, but definitely hit these two with it! *Points at Cole and Coach* Edwards turns around with the ladder in front of him and AJ hits a dropkick into the ladder that sends it crashing on top of Edwards as he falls. The fans erupt as AJ pulls the ladder off and lays it on the mat before picking Edwards up and laying him on top of it. AJ then runs to the ropes, but out of nowhere he’s blasted with a chair shot to the back…by Rick Edwards!!! COLE What the hell is going on here!? I thought Rick Edwards wasn’t going to be here!? Where did he come from!? CABOOSE He was under the ring!!! I saw him come out from under the ring!! *The fans are on their feet booing Rick* COLE Well that would explain the mysterious ladder just sliding out from under there! Edwards reaches his feet and sets up the ladder. He drags AJ, face down, near the foot of the ladder and begins to climb as Rick enters the ring and cheers him on. Edwards sets up on top of the ladder as the fans boo even louder. COLE Don’t tell me he’s going to do the Final Litigation off the ladder onto AJ!? CABOOSE That’s brilliant!! *Suddenly the fans explode as Abe Vigoda appears on the big screen.* ABE Whoa whoa whoa!! Stop this right now!! *Rick slides out of the ring and grabs a mic.* RICK Glad you could join us Abe! Don’t worry; we were just having a little fun with AJ here! However, there is something I want to say to you. I just had a brilliant idea! I want my match with AJ Flaire to be a Ladder Match!! Either you make it so or I’ll have J. Arthur here hit his move on AJ off the ladder and send him to an early retirement! ABE You just really love pushing people around don’t you son? RICK Don’t call me son old man! I don’t have a father as far as I’m concerned and I don’t take orders from you! ABE You lied to me about being here tonight and you expect me to give into your demands!? First off, call Edwards down from there or you’ll get nothing! RICK Okay fine. Come on down man. *J. Arthur climbs down from the ladder and stands in the ring.* ABE I want him out of the ring as well! *J. Arthur exits the ring* ABE Now you’re lucky to even have a match at the PPV so don’t push your luck any more! RICK You son of a…*Rick is cut off by AJ yelling something at him from the ring* what the hell do you want? *Rick puts the mic to AJ’s mouth.* AJ I accept! You want a ladder match then you’ve got it! *The fans erupt at AJ’s announcement.* ABE Well then I guess it’s official. However, J. Arthur Edwards must be banned from ringside! RICK What!? ABE You heard me! He’s banned from ringside! This will be one on one! *The fans begin to stir at something going on in the ring.* RICK Listen you wrinkly old fart! He still has the connections to get your assed fired so… *The fans erupt as they notice that AJ has climbed the ladder and is preparing to jump onto Rick. Rick turns around, but out of nowhere J. Arthur shoves the ladder over, sending AJ crashing to the outside!!* COLE OH MY GOD!!!! AJ JUST LANDED HARD ON THE OUTSIDE OFF THAT LADDER!!! HE’S DEAD!!! ABE That’s it!!! If J. Arthur even shows his face at the PPV he’ll be banned from the OAOAST!!! Now someone get the paramedics out there now!!! *Rick and J. Arthur leave the ringside quickly with smiles on their faces like little kids who just pulled a prank. Paramedics arrive as AJ lies on the outside screaming in pain as we fade out.*

Quick booking forgotten, this card is fucking stacked. That's all.

I'll do it. Get your shit to me by six, though, or it'll be up at eleven-something.

Kindly fuck yourself. The rest of the no-showers too.

I'm appalled nobody mentioned the new John Stamos romantic comedy. An entire series based around one blind date... that could be genius.

Shaun Livingston? Man, I used to play with him and his friends in Peoria back in the day. ...he can probably kick my ass now worse than he could then. Comments on the list: -- There's a lot of high-schoolers. I mean, damn. -- Okafor's going number one, because the Magic need someone right now. -- I've got a feeling Araujo is going to be a beast.

...eek. We'd better come back hard or there's going to be one very pissed half of the Big Red Luv Connection in the Vasectomy locker room.

See, it's this anti-Blazenwing bias that's preventing him from ever having a legitimate shot of competing in this federation. Go, David, seriously. Start your own fed. There's too many people against you here for you to succeed.

Dude, you're all underrating Blazenwing here. He did nearly beat Crow (granted, he had a fair marker then...) and Toxxic hasn't yet reached the level Crow was at during that time. (If there was a fair marker,) I could see a huge upset

Papa, if you can't get your PPV shit in for Wednesday don't worry about it, one of us will put it in the show. Personal guarantee from the original lazy motherfucker.

SINGLES MATCH - FIRST OF FIVE Tom Flesher vs Dace Night - Hmm.. Flesher. TAG TEAM TITLES #1 CONTENDERSHIPOVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL[ Alan Clark vs Coy West vs John Duran vs Todd Royal vs Austin Sly vs Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs Tryst vs Insane Luchadore - Clark and West is the only sensible pick, but if Duran picks a partner out of this bunch they could very well win it, too. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP Jacob Hemlsley vs Todd Cortez - Pride in the Boulevard, yo. Cortez. HARDCORE MATCH Janus vs Crow - If he writes, Crow. USJL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Landon Maddix© vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins - Maddix. SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Ryan Dustin - Dustin. SINGLES MATCH David Blazenwing vs Toxxic - Toxx... jobs! Mwa ha ha...

Which suck. We're waiting...

I know this is a kinda weird request, but could we possibly have 13th Hour at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas? I have an idea for what I want to do on the show, but it relies on the PPV coming from Vegas, or Atlantic City, or if you really want to stretch it a riverboat casino floating on the Mississippi River. Which is actually a badass idea.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH WORLD TITLE BOUT "Deathwish" Danny Williams© vs Nathaniel Kibagami - Kibs beats Danny, Toxxic beats Kibs two weeks later and we get the Tom-Thoth-Strangler-Tom reign sequence from last year all over again to lead us into Genesis V. CAGE MATCH Stryke vs Dace Night - Mmm, cage. Smart money says Dace, but I'm not smart and don't have any money. Stryke. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT Janus & Aecas© vs Hollywood Boulevard - Typically I don't pick my own matches, but all signs are pointing to us... SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE Landon Maddix© vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins - Since when did Spike ever do anything? TRIPLE THREAT CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Austin Sly vs Alan Clark - Clark wins the belt here, Dangerous gets it back next week. HARDCORE MATCH Crow vs Insane Luchadore - Crow, if not a double no show.

Steel cage submission match? Hey, doesn't that sound familiar...

In response to Tom: We did indeed try to coordinate our segments (us being me and WC), but I misunderstood his PM (he said 'before your match' -- I didn't realize he meant literally 'before my match'). So, it would've come off better had I not been a dumbass, but it's still good, I feel.

Well, yeah. Esche made a lot of good saves -- the one with about a minute left in the third standing out the most -- but in overtime he cleared the puck in front of his own net several times when he wasn't even there. But, like you said, Toronto was old and worn-out, and the Flyers played excellent defence -- the coverage on Sundin in OT was superb -- to keep them from scoring. And that was some weak-ass defence by Toronto as well. There's no excuse for any two-on-ones in an overtime period.

Dude, Kapanen got fucking LEVELED. And Esche is the luckiest motherfucker alive, as he made some positively dumbassed mistakes in that overtime. I counted at least two times that the Leafs should have put it in the net, as it was WIDE open. However, I suppose that's Toronto incompetence. Go Calgary go!

...Zsasz could do it.

Nebraska? Pshaw. Put Charlotte in the Central and go with New Orleans. ...yeah, that's just because I want the New Orleans Crunk Machine, but is that really so bad? Plus, it works in this realignment scenario (in my opinion).

I figured that this was where it was most relevant, but if a mod wants to move it feel free. Anyway, the topic is pretty much self-explanatory. I ask because I'm going to the Fledgling Films festival in St. Johnsbury this weekend and am wondering just what it'll encompass. I myself have never been to one, so I'm hoping it's a good enough time, but if somebody else has a horror story to share, I'll think twice about it.

"Correctly"? I hate to play the 'can-you-take-a-bump' card, but really, if he takes a bump on his side, who are you to call him wrong? It's not like he's flopping around like a dead fish, he's just landing on his fucking side. Yeah, way off topic. Um... that looks totally kayfabed, if you ask me. Vince: Ric, I'd like you to go give an anti-TNA interview in your crazy, bitter old man character. Flair: You got it boss. WHOOOOO!

Serious question, as the PPV matches being due on the Wednesday before the PPV really kinda irks me, as someone who generally puts his match together the day of the show. So, when do you typically start on your PPV matches?

SWF Favorite Writer(s): Edwin, man. I was also a huge Xstasy mark back in the day, and continue to steadfastly maintain that he was held down by the rest of you fuckers. Favorite Promo(s): I can't remember the name of it, but there was a Midnight Carnival promo in which Edwin, King, Spark, Mark, and Raynor went through McDonald's drive-through in the Love Rollercoaster, and spoke nothing but German through the speaker. I still love that one -- "Chicken McNuggets For The Soul", I believe it's called. Favorite Match(es): American Gladiators was easily my favorite to write, and I still don't think I'll ever have -that- much fun writing a wrestling match ever again. As for matches I've read, I'll admit there aren't many to choose from, but I'm going to go with the first ELM/Tom match; Submissions/Ladder, or Ultimate Submissions, I can't remember which. Favorite Stip to Write: Again, American Gladiators, with ease. Lost at Sea was an excellent stip as well, and I was kinda happy when that was being considered for JL MOTY. 'Course, I lost, but I maintain that I was robbed and it was only my superior self-esteem that kept me from committing suicide. My Biggest Accomplishment: The Double Jeopardy tag reign is the one I had the most fun with, but winning the JL belt and subsequently getting bumped is my biggest accomplishment easily. It's magnified when I go back and read the prediction thread, and how everyone picks Janus to win. Never gets old. To a much, much lesser extent, I'm proud of beating Mak, and nearly beating Danny Williams in the Genesis IV tournament. I had a much better match get deleted, and had to write a shitty match against Deathwish, but it was that short series that made me feel like I really could beat each and every one of you motherfuckers. I Regret That: I didn't stick with Quiz longer, and the elaborate angle a few of us planned out involving Marv Griffin and the Network didn't pan out. I Wish: For a World Title reign? Hell, at this point I'd settle for a USJL title reign. Dream Matches Involving Yourself: Double Jeopardy v. Justice and Rule, straight-up tag. I'm going to maintain that SS and I would've beat them until Ejiro and Judge get fed up and job our asses out. Dream Matches: Xstasy v. Edwin, proper, face v. face on the biggest show ever. In addition, the inevitable Grap/Tom encounter, and Stubby v. Thoth just for our general amusement. I've Become Most Friendly With: Supes and Zack, I suppose. All you kids are pretty cool. I Hope: Janus'll stop harping on carrying me to the WF and admit that he's merely jealous of my superior height and writing ability. ...hey, it's hoping. Personal Name: Joseph P and that's all you get. Single: Single playa, man. Have Most Trouble: I don't have trouble with anything. I rule. Favorite Things to Do: Hockey, talking, filming, acting, and writing. I lead a simple life. Most Recent Accomplishment: Getting head in the back of a Subaru while tripping on salvia. God bless Keith James. Most Recent Failure: Actually tripping on salvia. Truly not as fun as one might think. Favorite Bands: Nothing good, alas. Nas' "Illmatic" has gotten some play recently, Usher's "Yeah" is orgasmic right now. "Popular' by Nada Surf is getting some play, and at the moment I'm on an Obie Trice kick. Happy? Favorite Book: 1984 Favorite Movie: At the moment, Requiem for a Dream Favorite Actor: Edward Norton. Have you seen a bad Edward Norton film (we won't count The Score) One Song to Listen to On Repeat: "Yeah" by Usher and Ludacris. I refuse to give Lil' Jon credit as a vocalist on this song. One Item You'd Save During A Fire: My deck of cards. Poker solves everything. Something You Want to Get Into: Annie's pants. Biggest Regret/Mistake: Too many to name. Biggest Turn On: The female body at its finest form. Biggest Turn Off: Men. If You Died and Went To Heaven, What Do You Want God to Say: "It took you long enough." How About Going to Hell, Devil says: "Wrong room, head upstairs."