The Czech Republic

Which is horsehit in it's own right. If anyone should die in pain it's him. Bring back public hangings. That would work, but remember that one execution method page that Marney linked us to many months ago? It said after hangings, the dead bodies start shitting themselves and their eyes pop out and all that gross stuff...the public might not be ready for that.

New Jersey

For more jokes from 1996 and earlier call 1-800-Funny-CR Hey man, I revel in my crappyness sometimes. Like right there. But wait, why '96 and earlier? That seems pretty arbitrary. I mean, I didn't read that joke and say "oh, that is SOOOOOOO 1996! Just reading that conjures up memories of that blue thing from the Atlanta Olympics, and Bob Dole's ill-fated campaign! Sigh." EDIT: HOLY F***ING SHIT. Look at the quotation brackets up there. Plunderin quoted me, nevermore, at 9:12 pm, Smartmarks Standard Time (A weird time zone in and of itself, obviously.) But THEN look at my post that was quoted! 10:06 PM! Plunderin can cite posts that don't exist yet! OMG BAN PLZ because this guy is a threat.

If the network executives today ran the networks of the past, M*A*S*H, All in the Family, the Dick Van Dyke Show, the Andy Griffith Show, I Love Lucy, Taxi, WKRP in Cincinnati, and Seinfeld would never have made it past four weeks. EDIT: I guess Angelslayer did reference this before me in a roundabout way. But just think about the shows that we would never have seen.

Some guys were out kayaking on the river, and it was a pretty cold day. So a guy takes out his lighter to try and generate some warmth. But then the whole boat lit on fire and everybody died. Which just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

So did the kid die from food poisoning? Nah he probably just said "this is gay" and got up to leave.

Hey, I'm a pretty big Steve Winwood fan, but I wouldn't put Traffic in before Rush. And isn't Harrison already in the HOF for the Beatles? He shouldn't be in twice.

Never been to Portillo's, have we

Where's White Castle on this?

There used to be a Checkers in Palatine, IL,but I heard they had some problems with food poisoning and shut down. Between that and the Brown's Chicken murders which have been ten years already, wow...not a good record for the City That Rocks.

And here I thought things went bad in chemistry when the floor lit on fire last week. True story! Actually, my economics teacher did a stunt like this years ago with the law of diminishing marginal returns, by letting a kid eat as many Big Macs as he wanted. By the fifth he was not lovin' it.

Symphony No. 1 by Johan de Meij. Also known as the Lord of the Rings symphony. This preceded the films by several years, but you really owe it to yourself to hear this if you haven't. It's fantastic.

Oh I thought maybe they were with the Cadets of Bergen County, or the Boston Crusaders. I see now.

True that. I like my drum corps from late June to early August, but other than that I'm all about the jazz. Did I ever mention that I've performed alongside Maynard Ferguson?

I thought it was BUTT too. Superstars 1995/1996 was actually the first wrestling show theme I ever heard. (I could've said Superstars was the first show I had ever seen but hey.) I used to watch WMAC Masters on Saturdays on Fox 32, and once I stayed on 32 to see what was on next, and I discovered Goldust trying to seduce Razor Ramon. I thought I was going to see some nudity of a most gross sort since I couldn't tell what that guy was, so I actually turned off the TV as he was disrobing, counted to ten, and turned the TV back on. I was young.

I think Bischoff should come out during an altercation and say "now that wasn't very proactive, now was it? This is terrible for your Relationship Bank Account. Now get out there and synergize!"

While so many teams enter to "Sirius," the Nets shall enter to "Big Pimpin'." And on that note, you can bet that ownership will really start spendin' G's for their East Coast n****z who love them some ballers. Jay-K: Can I get a raise? Jay-Z: Can I get a fuck you?

So for reasons inadequately explained, I watched this movie in AP psychology. I would presume it would have something to do with conditioning, but we're studying states of consciousness. The state of consciousness that I was studying during this film was deep sleep once I realized what a dumb and crappy movie this was. Maybe my huge liberal teacher needed an excuse to showcase Jane Fonda? Who knows. I learned nothing from the film other than that if I dance too much, I very well could shower with my clothes on. No clubbin' for me. To summarize the plot, this is one of those dance marathons that were so popular during the Depression, where out-of-work people, preceding crappy daytime programming on the UHF dial by about a half-century, wasted their time dancing the night, and day, and night, and day away...for money! Competitors get 10 minutes per every two hours to rest, eat, sleep, and stuff. Last couple standing wins. But there's a catch: know how you hear people say that they were "dancing their hearts out"? Well these people did...and died! Or at the very least, went crazy. Jane Fonda goes so crazy from going through various partners who get eliminated over the course of 1000-some hours, one of whom dies from heart failure, that she tells her final partner to bust a cap all up in her dome. But not in those words, because they didn't talk like that in the 30s. So the guy lives out the dream of millions and shoots Jane Fonda in the head, who proceeds to die the most pretentious death possible, actually transporting herself from the ballroom to a field in her death throes, so as to represent a wild mustang being shot by a hunter. So the police officers come and take this noble soul away, who when asked why he did it says, "They shoot horses, don't they?" They also shoot people who see this crappy movie, in a figurative sense. That was ME writhing in pain in the middle of a wide-open plain when this movie finished. IMDB has all the crap you need here. Man do they go easy on this stinker. "Yowza, yowza, yowza" does not a good film make.

1. No, Fanfare for the Common Man is a similar but different piece. ELP did a cover of it. 2. Oh, I forgot Rhapsody in Blue. Shame on me, shame on me, shame on me. 3. Prokofiev also wrote the Soviet national anthem I believe, (heard in The Hunt For Red October, and also in the WWF as the Bolsheviks' theme) which is a cool song that even moreso as a conservative, I feel bad about liking. 4. Are you 100% sure the Hindemith march wasn't used in a Bugs Bunny cartoon at some point? Because "Kill the Wabbit" flows a lot better in Symphonic Metamorphosis than Ride of the Valkyries. EDIT: I concede defeat. Maybe it's somewhere else that they use the Hindemith march. On the topic of Wagner, "Elsa's Procession To The Cathedral" is a great tune, though I've been told that the anti-religious of Lohengrin is a reason why you don't hear it at weddings. I've been reminded of another great song, American Overture by Joseph Willcox Jenkins, which is probably the best Americana-themed (you know, headin' west and all that) music I've heard. Good French horn feature.

I'm not sure what you're talking about with "the project." The activity as a whole? Which corps did they march with? I'm trying to think of who finished 5th last year. I want to say SCV or Boston Crusaders.

Personal favorites of mine, list your own: Dvorak - New World Symphony (especially the Finale) Tchaikovsky - Marche Slave Shostakovich - Festive Overture Holst - The Planets Stravinsky - Firebird Suite Hindemith - Symphonic Methamorphosis (aka: Kill The Wabbit)

I played the main theme to Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves last year in wind ensemble and it was probably one of our best selections ever.

Unhealthy obsession with Chevy Chase

Hey, fuck you, man, I was sympathizing with you. I wouldn't be surprised if you did say this was another gay swerve all along.

Yep, you're right up there with Oscar Wilde, no doubt about it.