kkktookmybabyaway

You're in America. Embrace your fatness.

What about paying to watch television? (Not trying to derail your thread. Just want to see the difference between the two in your opinion. I'm guessing it has more to deal with the "local" issue you talked about earlier.)

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 6-2 < PF: 61, PA: 54, AFC: 5-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 3-0 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 6-2 < PF: 60, PA: 54, AFC: 4-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 4-5 < PF: 61, PA: 61, AFC: 2-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 3-6 < PF: 61, PA: 63, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 2-1 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 5-3 < PF: 60, PA: 57, AFC: 3-3, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 2-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 5-3 < PF: 62, PA: 55, AFC: 4-1, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 2-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 4-4 < PF: 60, PA: 63, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 2-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 3-5 < PF: 53, PA: 63, AFC: 1-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 0-3 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 6-2 < PF: 63, PA: 53, AFC: 4-0, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-0 > Houston Texans (Bored) 4-5 < PF: 69, PA: 69, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 3-5 < PF: 52, PA: 63, AFC: 3-2, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-2 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 1-7 < PF: 53, PA: 63, AFC: 1-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 0-3 > AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 4-4 < PF: 55, PA: 57, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 3-0 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 4-4 < PF: 54, PA: 55, AFC: 2-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 4-4 < PF: 58, PA: 54, AFC: 2-3, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 0-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 2-6 < PF 62:, PA: 64, AFC: 1-5, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-1 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-3 < PF: 53, PA: 51, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-1, DIV: 1-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 5-3 < PF: 67, PA: 64, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 5-2, DIV: 2-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 4-4 < PF: 63, PA: 61, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-3, DIV: 1-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 4-4 < PF: 53, PA: 52, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 1-2 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 5-3 < PF: 64, PA: 61, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 4-2, DIV: 2-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 5-3 < PF: 57, PA: 56, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-2, DIV: 1-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 3-5 < PF: 50, PA: 61, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 2-4, DIV: 1-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 2-6 < PF: 59, PA: 66, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 2-4, DIV: 2-1 > NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 6-2 < PF: 63, PA: 53, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 4-1, DIV: 2-1 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 5-4 < PF: 61, PA: 66, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 2-0 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-4 < PF: 49, PA: 53, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-3, DIV: 1-1 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 4-4 < PF: 57, PA: 50, AFC: 3-0 , NFC: 1-4, DIV: 0-3 > NFC WEST St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 4-4 < PF: 58, PA: 52, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 4-2, DIV: 3-0 > San Francisco 49ers (Bravesfan) 4-4 < PF: 55, PA: 59, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 2-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Red Baron51) 4-4 < PF: 65, PA: 60, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-2, DIV: 1-2 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 2-6 < PF: 50, PA: 64, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 0-6, DIV: 0-3 >

9 p.m. • Isn't that writer's strike supposed to stop this crap from being made? How about showing us what happened in the voting booths when Gloria Rubenstein thought she was voting for Pat Buchanan or "Al Lieberman"? Better yet, I want to see some snarling police dogs prevent minorities from entering polling places. 7:45 p.m. • Grocery shopping news. The personal shoppers are down until further notice. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Fuck, that means I'll have to deal with cashiers bitching about their jobs. Hey, I bitch about my job but I do it in a funny way. These people talk to each other all day asking when they're going on break/done for the day. I swear I'm going to do a "wave" or yell "yaaaaay" when this happens. It'll be just like a drinking game only without the booze -- you have to go to a state store to purchase those adult beverages. It wasn't bad tonight because our store is moving products all over the place, which makes no sense to me but a bunch of corporate idiots probably circle-jerked one night and decided this would be the best way to piss off customers and make the employees life a living hell because they would have to answer 1,000 times per shift "why are you guys moving all this stuff around?" Well anyway, there was a cute experience today when the better half and I were walking down the candy aisle and this kid was trying to get her mom to buy her something. I don't know that the kid wanted, but this was her reasoning. "Mom please please please can I get this? It's really good. I haven't had it yet." Oh the mind of a child. • So I voted today. Yay. Bunch of local people -- went straight Republican or didn't vote for people I never heard of before. Oddly enough, this was the longest wait I've had ever when voting, and this was an off-year/post-mid-term election. Weird. Speaking of local politics, this is good news. We're not quite there yet, but it's progress. Besides, a lot of those Democrats are conservative, which is perfectly fine -- as long as we can keep the blacks out, which is something both parties out here can agree upon.

Mrs. kkk's dad helped us out, but he has nothing better to do. Otherwise, I'll assist in a move for a future payment that will probably never come to fruition.

In Sunday Night Football's (somewhat) defense, during the pregame show it did sound like Collinsworth and Costas were goofing on the lights being out. I was in the other room listening, so it may have come across differently watching it live.

Ripper... *shakes head, leaves.*

10:30 p.m. • So my genius supervisors finally suckered hired someone to take over for an employee that died four months ago. As I met with this chick for the first time to talk with her about a work e-mail account, among other things, the first thing she said was “they never told me what I’d be doing.” Oh this is going to work out just great. Actually, today, her fourth day on the job, she’s already called off. Assuming the idiot bosses haven’t compromised their $8/hour policy when it comes to hiring office staff, something tells me this person won’t be around much longer. What cracks me up is when a half-hearted effort was under way early this year to replace my assistant, I was only allowed to advertise in the city’s second-tier newspaper, have a bare minimum amount of words and publish the ad in the immediate city zone (the ad didn’t go out to the suburbs). According to my count, the job search for this most recent vacancy, which deals directly with my one idiot boss, has already been twice advertised in the city’s top newspaper, has a bunch more words in it (one of the lines was “must be a hard worker”) and was published in editions that went out to the suburbs (or at least to the newsstands in my neighborhood). Christ I love this place. 7:45 p.m. • So sfaJack talked about the joys of moving, and Christ is he right. I’m all moved out. I took my shit and moved to Sappy Valley back in January of 1999 during a blizzard. A year and some change later I moved within the apartment complex the better half and I were living at. It was May of 2000 and Mrs. kkk got accepted to the University of Dayton Master’s Program. We decided it would be best if we split for the summer. I’d keep working my two jobs for a few months and she could go back home and work a few jobs she had lined up there. When August came we’d head off to glorious Middletown Ohio, and we did just that. Then there was the move back to the Shittsburgh region in August of 2003 followed by our latest move to our first home in August of 2004. The next move I make will be to either a retirement home or the grave. Well I shouldn’t say that – I’ll probably just hire movers or something. When you get older, one way you can feel your age with how terrible you feel after a move. With all this said, there are times when you should engage in a move. Believe me, sometimes assisting with a person’s move can build you up a nice line of “you owe me credit.” Here’s my example. Mrs. kkk’s brother-in-law never really liked me. No, it wasn’t because I was an asshole or anything like that. It was just because I was banging his baby sister. Well that and I’m not a “man’s man.” I don’t hunt, drink beer, work on cars or do any of that other shit. But one thing I’m good at is being a worker bee, and when his family was moving for the third time to a house on the same street (don’t ask) I was one of only two people that showed up to assist him. After that it was like night and day – he loves me now. In fact, the better half said she couldn’t believe the seemingly instant transformation that took place. It’s a guy thing. I’m still not allowed to go hunting with him, though.

Wouldn't the Turkey Day holiday be worse because of all the American Indians and turkeys killed.

Are you going to have to move that shit in to their new house, too?

9 p.m. • So I clicked on one of those right-wing t-shirt links by accident and came across this. Had no idea of this before creating my TSM account's subject line. Well, I'm sure there have been other people to go, "Free Mumia? I wish I could FRY MUMIA~!" before I put this witty line in my profile. • Yeah, that AIDS just creeps up on poor women and does its thing. • So I'm watching a bit of college football over the past year or so and figured why not make my own Top 25 list. Becaue there's no real champion because due to the fa 8:30 p.m. • So I'm watching a bit of college football over the past year or so and figured why not make my own Top 25 list. Becaue there's no real champion because due to the fact 1-A Football doesn't have a playoff system, it makes the idiots who actually believe this is a good idea say, "THIS MAKES EVERY WEEK IN THE REGULAR SEASON LIKE A PLAYOFF GAME." With that in mind, here's my list: kkk's Top 25 1) Ohio State 2) Kansas 3) Hawaii 4-25) Nobody, BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE IS ELIMINATED IN THE REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT Boy, what an exciting way to run a sport. And for those that wonder about my insight into college football, keep in mind I had no idea Notre Dame had a 40+ year winning streak against Navy until I heard about it yesterday. • Good Christ, the NBC channels are doing some hippie "green" promotion this week with their programs to raise "awareness" about the environment. Thank God I don't watch that much television. Well, I do, but not in the NBC family.

Deadline has come and gone. Bravesfan will be using EPs and say hello to Steve Rogers, the newest owner of the Seattle Seahawks.

Reason #87198 why I don't bet money on games. I didn't even know about that Notre Dame winning streak over Navy until I turned on the fourth quarter of the game.

8 p.m. • So I finally got around to watching Apocalypto. Spoilerz 1) The chick in the hole squirts out a kid while the pit is being flooded? 2) Hooray for whitey. 3) So there's a solar eclipse right when Mr. Jaguar is about to get sliced AND the Europeans touch ground right when he runs out on the beach. Boy, magic really does happen in Hollywood. 8 p.m. • So I was debating on whether to go into work today. I’m still not at the busy time of the month, but this is the busy time of year for me (well, this and March) and there’s a shitload of work I still need to do. Something was telling me last night that if I didn’t take advantage of this free day then it’ll come back to haunt me. I was right. When I checked my e-mail this morning, I got a note from the idiot boss saying he wants a Tuesday meeting to discuss a whole bunch of shit I don’t have the time to do. I swear to Christ when bosses see that you are completing your work on time or (gasp!) early, that doesn’t mean you are doing a good job. That just means you don’t have enough work to do. Oh well, just means more time I get to take off during the workweek. Woo-hoo. • But is she hot? Looks like she could get jail time with that mug. Here’s my favorite part. “MAY mean”? The fuck. How about “does mean.” Whatever, it’s not like it’s all that hard to sneak back in anyway. Hold on a second. Why were the police searching for him now -- how about searching for illegals once they sneak over the border? 7:45 p.m. • I just got done entering in this week’s first wave of kkk Bowl V picks, so now I’m inspired after looking at everyone’s selections to get mine going. Arizona @ Tampa Bay (3.5) Oh hell I don’t know. Is Warner playing? Uh, I’ll go with Tampa. No, Arizona. No, Tampa. Yes, Tampa. Carolina @ Tennessee (4.5) Titans didn’t win big last week. I’ll take the spread. Time for Carolina to under-achieve. (1.5) Cincinnati @ Buffalo Lemme see, go with the scrappy Bills of the underachieving Bengals? I’ll go with the Bills because they play tougher and they’re at home. Of course, by “tougher” I mean “with less talent.” Then again, I have no idea who’s on each team, so I’ll just stop now. Denver @ Detroit (3.5) Yeah the Broncos lost last week, but this is the Lions. The Lions. Green Bay @ Kansas City (2.5) Oh hell no. The Chiefs are favored? I’m taking this in a heartbeat. This of course means the Chiefs quarterback (whoever he is) will throw for 400 yards. Jacksonville @ New Orleans (3.5) I heard the Jags quarterback is still out, so I’ll hope the Saints will eventually break down the Jacksonville defense. (7.5) San Diego @ Minnesota LT v. AP – then again, both play offense so unless there’s some special teams quirk they won’t face each other. San Francisco @ Atlanta (3.5) Is Alex Smith playing? Dunno. Shit, I don’t want Atlanta. (3.5) Washington @ N.Y. Jets Here’s hoping the Redskins do better against another AFC East team. Something tells me they will. Seattle @ Cleveland (1.5) I know they’re 4-3, but there’s something holding me back from taking the Browns seriously. Houston @ Oakland (3.5) Something tells me there are some injuries on the Texans roster for the Raiders to be favored. Oh well. Go subs. (5.5) New England @ Indianapolis Something tells me this game is going to bite me in the ass, but I’m getting a USC/Texas vibe. Besides, if Indy wins I’ll look like a genius. (3.5) Dallas @ Philadelphia WTF is up with Andy Reid’s kids? Buncha screw ups. Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (9.5) Wow, that’s a big spread. I’m still having flashbacks to last season when the Ravens made the Steelers their bitch. Twice. I don’t think they’ll win, but wow, that’s a big spread. Steelers will score 27. 7:15 p.m. • Notre Dame. LOL.

Yeah, they are different as night and day. Jesse shakes down companies so his relatives can get sweetheart deals while poo-face just keeps the money himself.

The Browns seemed to get a clue once Marvin Lewis appeared to turn things around a few years ago -- has it gotten back to the same old same old?

9:30 p.m. • If this isn't a reason to call in sick Monday if you work in the big city, I don't know what is. Actually, it's funny to watch pedestrians cross streets in cities because it's like a school of fish. Strength in numbers, and if someone gets picked off, there's a good chance it won't be you. 6:45 p.m. • Now it's time to play "How long have you been posting at TSM?" Quick. Your first thought. 6:30 p.m. • This guy gets the boot but the Ninth Circus is still getting funded by taxpayers? If anything, the judge below should get a promotion. If the red diaper doper babies from the Ninth used a coin flip to determine rulings they probably would have a lesser overtuned rate.

"May the cancer fairy..."? Oh I know I'm getting a royalty check on that one.

kkk's Top 103 Posters Number 5: Cancer Marney When you think about it, there are some scary-ass things in life. For example, remember the construction zone you drive through every day on the way to work/school? You know, the one with all the big machines that can crush your vehicle in an instant? There’s a good chance the guy operating that crane is the drunk cousin of a crew foreman. When you need an operation, how would you feel knowing that your surgeon was the one who cheated on his tests in order to pass them? And let’s not even talk about where the meat portion of your dinner came from and who helped put that dead flesh on your plate. However, not everything in this world is negative. There are good people out there. Remember when those towel heads flew two airplanes into the World Trade Center? Well you probably don’t because there’s enough sheeple out there ready to elect Hitlery, but I digress. Remember when those towers were ready to crumble and New York’s finest were running into the burning buildings to rescue as many people as they could? There are people out there going after the bad guys, and this poster is one such freedom fighter. And who is Ms. Marney going after -- Arabs? Russians? Chinamen? The French? I don’t exactly know. From what I’ve read over the years, this person reads a bunch of government reports or something. But that’s not why she’s on this list. She’s on this list because she’s an evil bitch. And that’s why she’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond. 8 p.m. • So that trick-or-treat thing went on last night and we had the biggest turnout EVER~! Or at least for us. Mrs. kkk got through all 27 of her gi-normous candy bags (she puts like 10 pounds of shit in these tiny candy bags – it’s quite impressive, actually), finished off the “emergency stash” and she even had to give away a 100 calorie Nutter Butter bar because we had one brat late. Bitch, those Nutter Butters are hella good. It’s amusing to be at the kkk house on Halloween. Our “official” trick-or-treat time is from 6-8 p.m. First the better half bitches when we don’t get anyone from 6-6:10. She also looks out the front window the whole time looking for people dressed as Spiderman and monsters. Then when we finally get a group of kids she gives them their candy and kicks them out. No, “awww, look, you’re a ladybug” small talk. Just “Get yo’ mothafuckin’ food, leave it in the car, n*gga get out.” (Three points for anyone that catches that reference without the help of Google.) It’s hilarious to watch this obsession, and when I made a comment about her lack of small talk she started bitching about how kids just want to go house to house and get candy. I agree, but the smaller kids like being gushed over while dressed up as Batman. Damn, I’m speaking for the children. Subject change. Now. During this time we had Bravo’s 100 SCARIEST MOVIE MOMENTS. Good God was this retarded. But we kept it on because there was nothing else Halloweeny on except for the Michael Myers-fest on AMC. Then, after these 100 SCARY MOMENTS there were 30 EXTRA ONES that I DVR’d so I could goof on them today. Army of Darkness was included in this one. ARMY OF DARKNESS? Look, I have this movie. I like this movie. BUT IT’S NOT SCARY! You don’t watch this film to be scared. You watch this film for stuff like “I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.”

As I got older, Pizza Hut's grease kept beating me down more and more until it got to the point where I can't remember the last time I ate anything there. If I was to order anything, it'd be a plain stuffed crust and maybe breadsticks.

Ditto on the Gorton's grilled fish. I also like that "steamfresh" corn.

Arizona @ Tampa Bay (3.5) Carolina @ Tennessee (4.5) (1.5) Cincinnati @ Buffalo Denver @ Detroit (3.5) Green Bay @ Kansas City (2.5) Jacksonville @ New Orleans (3.5) (7.5) San Diego @ Minnesota San Francisco @ Atlanta (3.5) (3.5) Washington @ N.Y. Jets Seattle @ Cleveland (1.5) Houston @ Oakland (3.5) (5.5) New England @ Indianapolis (3.5) Dallas @ Philadelphia Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (9.5) Open Date: Miami, N.Y. Giants, Chicago, St. Louis Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-6) d by Tampa Bay (Starvenger 5-4) 7-7+TB AZ: AZ/TEN/BUF/DEN/GB/NO/MIN/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/NE/DAL/PIT/21 TB: TB/TEN/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/CLE/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/20 DIFF: AZ/TB, BUF/CIN, MIN/SD, SEA/CLE, OAK/HOU, PIT/BAL, 21/20 Carolina (Fazzle 6-2) d by Tennessee (Cuban Linx 6-2) 8-10 CAR: TB/TEN/BUF/DEN/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/CLE/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/19 TEN: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/KC/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/OAK/IND/DAL/PIT/20 DIFF: DEN/DET, GB/KC, SF/ATL, HOU/OAK, NE/IND, BAL/PIT, 19/20 Cincinnati (Teke 4-4) d by Buffalo (Bob Barron 6-2) 8-11 CIN: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/GB/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/SEA/OAK/IND/DAL/BAL/28 BUF: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/NO/SD/SF/NYJ/SEA/HOU/IND/DAL/PIT/17 DIFF: CIN/BUF, ATL/SF, WAS/NYJ, OAK/HOU, BAL/PIT Denver (Canadian Chris 2-6) d Detroit (Chazz1998 5-3) 10-5 DEN: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/OAK/NE/DAL/PIT/20 DET: TB/CAR/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/24 DIFF: TEN/CAR, BUF/CIN, DET/DEN, ATL/SF, CLE/SEA, OAK/HOU, PIT/BAL, 20/24 Green Bay (Vitamin X 5-3) d by Kansas City (Alfdogg 4-4) 3-8 GB: TB/CAR/CIN/DET/GB/JAX/MIN/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/NE/PHI/BAL/27 KC: TB/TEN/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/MIN/ATL/WAS/SEA/HOU/IND/DAL/BAL/17 DIFF: CAR/TEN, DET/DEN, JAX/NO, SF/ATL, OAK/HOU, NE/IND, PHI/DAL, 27/17 Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 1-7) d by New Orleans (Cena's Writer 4-4) 6-8 JAX: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/KC/JAX/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/IND/DAL/PIT/17 NO: TB/CAR/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/ATL/NYJ/SEA/HOU/IND/DAL/BAL/27 DIFF: TEN/CAR, DET/DEN, KC/GB, JAX/NO, SF/ATL, WAS/NYJ, OAK/HOU, PIT/BAL, 17/27 San Diego (Porter 4-5) d Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 2-6) 6-4 SD: TB/TEN/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/CLE/OAK/NE/DAL/BAL/35 MIN: TB/CAR/CIN/DEN/GB/JAX/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/IND/DAL/BAL/17 DIFF: TEN/CAR, NO/JAX, CLE/SEA, NE/IND, 35/17 San Francisco (Bravesfan 4-4) d Atlanta (King 4-4) 11-7 SF: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/KC/NO/MIN/ATL/NYJ/CLE/OAK/IND/PHI/PIT/EP ATL: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/NE/DAL/PIT/10 DIFF: BUF/CIN, KC/GB, MIN/SD, ATL/SF, NYJ/WAS, CLE/SEA, IND/NE, PHI/DAL, EP/10 Washington (Human Fly 4-4) d by N.Y. Jets (Gert T 4-5) 8-9 WAS: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/NO/SD/SF/WAS/CLE/OAK/NE/DAL/BAL/20 NYJ: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/KC/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/HOU/NE/DAL/PIT/10 DIFF: BUF/CIN, GB/KC, SF/ATL, OAK/HOU, BAL/PIT Seattle (Steve Rogers 4-4) d by Cleveland (sfaJack 5-3) 8-9 SEA: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/GB/JAX/SD/ATL/WAS/SEA/HOU/NE/DAL/PIT/27 CLE: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/KC/JAX/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/HOU/IND/DAL/PIT/24 DIFF: GB/KC, SEA/CLE, NE/IND Houston (Bored 4-5) d by Oakland (Smues 4-4) HOU: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/KC/NO/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/20 OAK: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/JAX/SD/SF/WAS/SEA/OAK/NE/DAL/PIT/23 DIFF: CIN/BUF, KC/GB, NO/JAX, HOU/OAK, BAL/PIT New England (nl-asshole 3-6) d by Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-5) 8-8+TB NE: TB/TEN/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/38 IND: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/JAX/SD/SF/NYJ/SEA/HOU/NE/DAL/BAL/31 DIFF: CIN/BUF, DEN/DET, NO/JAX, ATL/SF, WAS/NYJ, CLE/SEA, 38-31 Dallas (Hawk34 5-3) d Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 5-3) 8-7 DAL: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/KC/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/SEA/OAK/IND/DAL/PIT/22 PHI: TB/TEN/CIN/DEN/GB/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/OAK/NE/DAL/BAL/21 DIFF: DET/DEN, KC/GB, SEA/CLE, IND/NE, PIT/BAL Baltimore (KingPK 3-5) d by Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 5-3) 8-11 BAL: TB/TEN/CIN/DET/GB/JAX/SD/SF/WAS/CLE/HOU/NE/DAL/PIT/14 PIT: TB/TEN/BUF/DET/GB/NO/SD/ATL/WAS/CLE/OAK/IND/DAL/PIT/24 DIFF: CIN/BUF, JAX/NO, SF/ATL, HOU/OAK, NE/IND Open Date: Miami (Spaceman Spiff 6-2), N.Y. Giants (Cartman 4-4), Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 3-5), St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-4)

5:45 p.m. • So the better half asked me the question of all questions today. “How many Halloween movies did they make?” Hoo-boy. Here’s how that conversation went. You can figure out who said what. I also don’t care if I got any facts wrong. “Well, there was the first Halloween and Halloween 2, which takes place right after the events of Halloween 1. Then there’s Halloween 3” “*Says something about Michael Myers.*” “No. Halloween 3 has nothing to do with Michael Myers. It deals with this place that makes these masks which turn people into killers or something.” “That’s retarded.” “Michael Myers comes back in Halloween 4.” “Why is he after that little girl.” “That’s Jamie Lee Curtis character’s kid.” “What happened to Jamie Lee Curtis.” “I don’t know. Probably died or something.” “OK.” “Then there’s Halloween 5 when Michael is still after the girl.” “Does he get her?” “No. He gets caught and some dude with a machine gun breaks him out of jail at the end.” ”What? “Yeah, then there’s Halloween 6, where we learn Michael is part of some cult, or is the God of some cult, or something or other. I think he finally kills that girl, but I'm pretty sure that the girl squirted out a kid. I have no clue as to the ending.” “Then why is Jamie Lee Curtis in that H2O one?” “Oh, well you have to pretend Halloweens 3-6 never happened and H2O takes place some time after Halloween 2. Then after that there’s the one with Busta Rhymes and Jamie Lee Curtis getting killed.” “Is that all of them?” “Well, sorta. They just came out with another Halloween movie directed by Rob Zombie. I’m not sure if it’s a remake or what, but if you want to include that one we’re up to nine.” “Uh-huh.” “Well you asked.” And the sad thing is I really like Halloween’s theme music. Actually, when I saw Halloween 6 for the first time I was with a girl friend at Slippery Rock University in a trailer she rented for the semester. I said “girl friend” not “girlfriend.” Anyway, it was the middle of the night and as she started up the movie her Pittsburgh Penguins framed poster fell in her bedroom and made a loud “CRASH,” causing both of us to jump. After she cleaned up that mess there was this thumping sound from outside, probably from a tree branch. As she went to open the door to see what it was I yelled out “DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR!” Boy did that freak her out. Boy did she get pissed. Boy did I laugh out loud. Sad thing was, after seeing Halloween 6: The Bowel Movement of Michael Myers, that crashing poster was scarier.

I bet he doesn't like telling kids a big fat white guy goes around the world and gives presents to kids all in one night.

Just keep up a steady supply of 40 oz bottles and a certain poultry product to wherever these refugees live and they'll do it themselves. Damn government can't do nothin' right.