KingPK

"It all started with a beltshot." "See? Now, five years later, the One and Only Anglesault Thread is a worldwide phenomenon, reaching computer screens in places as far apart as Rome and Vatican City. Legends have been born....." A montage of images of OAOAST legends such as CWM, Anglesault, Zack Malibu and Some Guy appears. "....and history has been made." We see Crystal with her hand raised at AngleSlam '04. "Tonight, the OAOAST looks back at five years of excitement...." Another montage of images, such as Zack Malibu defeating Anglesault, and various memorable spots from matches. "...while looking to the future." The camera pans up, revealing the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and the man that is still in posession of it. Drek Stone. BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM....... BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! The extra special pyro display signals the beginning of an extra special night here in the OAOAST. The General Motors Palace in Vancouver is rockin' with that post-AngleMania excitement. Special bunting surrounds the AngleTron while the ring has a special "OAOAST 5th Anniversary" canvas. We go over to Sofa Central where a suited-up Michael Cole and Coach sit. COLE AngleMania VI is in the books and it is not hyperbole when I say that it was, without a doubt, the wildest, most exciting, most surprising OAOAST pay-per-view of all time. Feuds were settled, we said goodbye to one of the greatest tag teams in OAOAST history and titles changed hands... COACH But not the title that we all thought would change hands, Michael Cole. I've watched that match a half-dozen times this week and I still can't believe what we saw in the main event. COLE Yes folks, Drek Stone is still the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. It was a battle for the ages, but our night in Toronto ended with Drek pinning Zack Malibu's shoulders to the mat for the one..two..three. COACH You have to hand it to him, NOBODY was expecting anything other than Zack regaining the OAOAST title for a third time, but Drek took everything that Zack gave him, and brother, I mean everything, and he got the job done. COLE We are going to hear from the champion AND the challenger tonight along with a lot more on AngleMania, but also, tonight we will celebrate five years as an organization with a look back at memorable moments, matches and stars. Our main event this week reflects that as two of the OAOAST's biggest legends will do battle in that ring when Zack Malibu takes on Tony Brannigan! It's going to be legen....and I hope you aren't lactose intolerant, because the last part of that is...DARY! Woke up this morning Got yourself a gun Mama said you'd always be The chosen one "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" COACH Here comes the champion! Pretend Drek does a promo here until NYU puts something in Stone's bragging session is quickly cut off, as "Getting Away With Murder" drowns out his claims of supremacy. Stone stops dead in his tracks and turns his head to the side, looking up the aisleway, as Zack Malibu appears before him. COLE It looks like Anglemania will not be the final chapter, because Zack Malibu is making his presence felt tonight! COACH I bet Drek Stone wished that Malibu would take the loss lying down, but we know that ain't the case! Malibu walks to the ring, the expression on his face showing that he appears to be in thought. Stone backs up a bit and keeps the belt slung over his shoulder, watching Malibu's every move in case the OAOAST's Franchise decides to exact revenge for Stone's tainted title defense this past Sunday night. Malibu enters the ring and comes over to Stone, and the two go nose to nose, with the hard cameras zooming in close. The rabid crowd roars with cheers for Malibu, as he and Stone lock eyes in the center of the ring once again. Stone, unhappy with the interruption, is even more unhappy when Malibu takes the microphone out of his hand. Before he takes the mic away though, Stone grabs Malibu's hand and pulls the mic up, making sure he gets a word in. STONE I hope you're out here to congratulate me, because you've got nothing to be proud of here tonight. You FAILED, Zack. Malibu's scowl increases, and now he yanks the mic away from Stone. MALIBU Failed? FAILED? Yeah, maybe I did. Maybe Sunday night, I didn't do what I wanted to do, what I promised these people and everyone in the back what I'd do. On Sunday night, you did pin my shoulders to the canvas. You DID retain your World Heavyweight Title. You are still the OAOAST World Champion, and I'm not. But I'm still proud of myself, Drek. I took everything...EVERYTHING you could do to me. Every shortcut you thought you could take, you did, and I STILL kicked out. Low blows, beltshots, one ref, two refs...we went through hell and back on Sunday night, Drek. By the skin of your teeth, you walked away. You left a sour taste in everyone's mouth, because Anglemania ended with a sight no one wanted to see...with Drek Stone as the reigning World Heavyweight Champion...or at least that's what everyone in the arena and on pay per view saw. Stone, now confused, asks Malibu what he's talking about. Our faithful announcers wonder what Zack means as well. MALIBU One year ago, Drek, I won a World Title shot, guaranteed, by winning Two For The Money. In the ensuing months, it wasn't titles I was worried about, but rather my friends and family being brutalized by a madman named Bruce Blank, a guy that I hate just as much, if not more, than you. I got distracted. I got thrown off course, but all the while that title shot was still valid... Stone rushes over, interrupting Malibu by grabbing the mic and yelling into it. STONE NOT ANYMORE! YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE, ZACK! THAT TITLE SHOT IS USELESS NOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE OVER THE ONE YEAR DEADLINE! MALIBU You're right, today is too late to cash in the Two For The Money title shot. Which is why, Drek, I want you to look at this video from SUNDAY NIGHT! Malibu turns, pointing to the Angletron, as Stone's eyes widen. There, on the screen, is a battle worn Zack Malibu, the wounds still fresh from his World Title match against Drek Stone. With him is Anglesault, the CFO, CEO, and all around guy in charge of the OAOAST. ANGLESAULT You cut it close with this, Zack. MALIBU It's always good to have a backup plan. Malibu signs a document on Anglesault's desk, and then Anglesault turns to the camera, holding it up. ANGLESAULT Stone, I know you know what this means, but just to clarify...the time now is 11:51pm. Which means that Zack Malibu had about nine minutes to cash in his Two For The Money title shot. Just to let you know, what I hold in my hand is just that, and the two of you, Drek Stone and Zack Malibu, are now OFFICIALLY SIGNED FOR A REMATCH FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! The camera cuts back to the live shot, and Stone is livid, as the crowd comes alive, cheering wildly Malibu's actions. Stone throws the belt down and stomps his feet, now forced to have to do battle with Malibu at least one more time with the gold on the line. MALIBU Just so you know, Drek, I'm not cashing in tonight. Not while we're battle worn. In fact, you'll have plenty of time to prepare, because we're not doing battle again until School's Out! Drek seems more confused than ever, figuring Malibu would want to get the belt off of him as soon as possible. MALIBU I could take you out now, Drek. I could take you out whenever I want to, but I figured I'd wait. Because if you were so desperate to hold onto that title this past Sunday, then it's time you found out what being a champion was all about. I made a suggestion to Anglesault, and the reason we're not booked until School's Out is because you've got a full plate from now until then. On every HeldDOWN~!, every house show, every Syndicated, every everything, YOU WILL BE DEFENDING YOUR WORLD TITLE! No running, no ducking, no hiding. No matter what challengers are thrown your way, you're to be in attendance for every show, ready to work, and if you do NOT adhere to the stipulations, you will be STRIPPED OF THE OAOAST WORLD TITLE, and sit out the remainder of your contract WITHOUT PAY, which means no belt, no work, no NOTHING! Stone is FURIOUS, but the fans are loving it, as Malibu verbally takes it to him. MALIBU I doubt you'll ever know what it's like to take pride in that title or in this company, but you sure as hell are going to act becoming of a World Champion, at least until someone more deserving of it has it around their waist. So good luck, Drek...because you're sure as hell going to need it! Malibu throws the mic at the feet of Drek Stone, who is fuming, and silently stares down Malibu. Zack smirks, having just turned the tables on his most hated foe, and ruined the victory celebration he had in store for us! COLE Shocking news, amazing news, but more importantly GOOD news for this company! Drek Stone is going to be made into a fighting champion whether he likes it or not, and Zack Malibu will be waiting for him at School's Out! COACH IF Drek makes it to School's Out! COLE That's right, Coach! Drek Stone could lose the World Title in the meantime, which means whomever the champion is by School's Out will have to take on Zack Malibu. Anybody could be the champion by then! What a coup by Zack Malibu and Anglesault here tonight! And now, an OAOAST 5th Anniversary Moment Commercial break

Get MVP '05 if you don't really care about up to date rosters. It's only $5 used at EB and looks and plays great.

no doubt, vivi, I damn near gave up on it completely once I got to that part! and sorry redbaron, there's certain things I guess I never know if I should spoiler out... The flying missions are NOT that hard, people. Just lay off the X button once you are airborne (only when you are flying straight to make up a little time) and use the rudders to help stabilize your turns.

Joe Lauzon, a native of Brockton, Massachusetts, has a TUF V blog at the Boston Herald web site. Check it out.

Did not disappoint in the least. As Toby pointed out, Michael is an evil genius for torturing both him AND Ryan by putting them in the same isolated corner of the office with Kelly. "Ok, it says here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper......oh, you meant 12."

Geez, these guys are nuckin' futs already. Two episodes in and there's gonna be a fight in the house? It took Lieben longer than that to go nuts, right? That heavyweight fight on UFN was the drizzling shits.

Damn, that was an impressive 4th for Matsuzaka. Struck out the side with some nasty breaking pitches and good fastballs.

Yeah, Saturday's good. I'll slip in some "5th Anniversary Moments" from old shows (if anyone has ideas, PM me).

Beckett's success was a bit deceiving. He only gave up two hits, but he walked four and threw only 46 strikes in 94 pitches. He's not going to be very effective if he keeps throwing so few strikes. It was pretty cold, so nobody was throwing breaking pitches all that well. With his fastball, he seems to have learned how to "pitch" instead of "throw".

I caught Bullrun on Spike after UFC Unleashed. Despite the fact that I have zero interest in cars and all that "gearhead" stuff, I gotta say it was a fairly entertaining hour. It's kinda like TAR if everyone drove everywhere.

Curt Schilling (back left) and Julio Lugo (right) after today's opener. My God, was that a pathetic start to the season or what? Though it will be funny to see Kaufman Stadium and about 10 others that were jam packed today like 1/4th full tomorrow and Wednesday.

The opening drumbeats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' hit [i]Dani California[/i] echo through SkyDome and the keyed-up crowd vociferously begin to boo the first man to enter the arena tonight as the mini-ring brings out James Riggs and Staci. *DING DING DING* BUFFER This is the OPENING CONTEST of AngleMania VI! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Staci, he hails from Torrence, California and weighs in at two hundred and thirty-six pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, this is JAAAAAAAMES RRRRRIIIIIIGGGSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" COACH Oh mami, look at Staci! [img=http://haiku.blogs.com/celebrity/images/lacey_chabert.jpg] The ring stops at ringside and Staci leads the pair around ringside and up the ring steps. Even in expensive heels, Staci sits on the middle rope, swings her legs up and crosses them, holding open the ropes for James before swinging herself into the ring. James hits the turnbuckles and emphatically pounds his chest as pyro shoots from each side of the apron behind him before converging in the corner in a huge [color=#FFFF00]GOLDEN[/color] explosion. The music fades as Riggs hops down, replaced by [i]Move Bitch[/i] by Ludacris. "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Another ring rolls down the aisle containing the other participant in the match. BUFFER And his opponent. From Dayton, Ohio, he weighs in at two hundred and seventy-five pounds....JAAAAAAAAMESSS WWWWWWOLFENSTEIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!! James anxiously stands in the mini-ring, wondering why this can't go faster than his grandmother's motorized cart. Finally he has enough and, as it is still moving, unlcips the ropes and jumps off and charges to the ring. Riggs sees him and scurries with Staci to the outside as Wolfenstein slides in. Riggs keeps Staci in front of him as Wolfenstein goes to the ropes, daring him to come in and having to be pulled back by referee Charles Robinson. Riggs and Staci have a little strategy session which is ended by a kiss on the cheek for good luck. Riggs turns to enter the ring....but Wolfenstein chooses instead to come out and start the match on the floor, turning Riggs around and slugging away as Staci scrambles for safety. COLE We're kicking things off tonight with a grudge match involving two men making their AngleMania debuts. COACH What does Wolfenstein have against Riggs? He only told the truth about him; James is as entertaining as an episode of Cole's Bar. COLE :( Wolfenstein goes to whip Riggs into the post, but James reverses, only to be reversed himself and backdropped on the floor. Wolfenstein pulls him up and rolls him into the ring, entering himself to start the match. *DING DING* Riggs retreats to the corner, but that is no safety as Wolfenstein follows him in and peppers him with body shots and overhand punches. He whips him to the opposite corner and charges in, drilling his shoulder into Riggs' midsection before laying in the boots. Robinson counts, but James is having none of that and has to be pulled back. Riggs takes advantage of that opportunity to kick him in the gut when he returns, followed by another. They switch and Riggs fires off a hard chop to the chest, but that only serves to anger Wolfenstein and they switch again, this time with James receiving the chop. James then rams Riggs' head into the turnbuckles once, twice, three times before rubbing his face into it, drawing Robinson over again and giving Riggs another opportunity to cheat.... *Ching* As he sweeps his leg back and up into the breadbasket. Wolfenstein staggers back and Riggs jumps on him, bulldogging him to the mat and covering. 1....but it only gets a one count. Riggs pulls Wolfenstein up and hooks him, taking him over with a snap suplex before dropping a quick leg and covering again, but it only earns him another one count. Riggs pulls him up again and Wolfenstein fires off a shot to the gut to try and take control, but Riggs answers with a knee to the face. He sets him up and whips him, but Wolfenstein reverses it. Riggs grabs the ropes to stop himself and Wolfenstein charges, but Riggs bends over and backdrops him over the top rope and to the floor. Riggs looks back as Wolfenstein begins to pull himself up and charges into the ropes, gaining momentum as he runs towards James, hops to the top rope, and springboards off of it with a flying bodypress onto Wolfenstein!!!! "OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Applause echoes through SkyDome for that effort as Riggs and Wolfenstein lay on the floor. COLE James Riggs is a risk taker and sacrificed his body with a beautiful move. Replays show the graceful flight of Riggs before we go back to live action and Riggs pulling Wolfenstein back to ringside. He scoops him up and drops him face-first on the security wall before rolling him into the ring once again and grabbing a chinlock to wear him down. Wolfenstein makes a comeback, so Riggs releases the hold himself and drives his elbow into the back of the head, and another, which brings Wolfenstein back down to his knees. To rub it in, Riggs steps back and comes in with a kneelift. COLE It's only been a few weeks since that attack by Gibraltar, so Wolfenstein's head is still very vulnerable. Riggs pulls him up and grabs a front facelock, backing into the corner and climbing to the middle rope. He raises his arm and twirls it around. COACH Here's comes a serious headache, Cole. Riggs goes for a tornado DDT, but Wolfenstein pushes him off, causing Riggs to spin in the air and land on his stomach. Riggs stumbles into the corner and Wolfenstein follows up, firing off more punches before sitting him on the top rope and connecting with a HARD right that nearly knocks Riggs to the outside. Wolfenstein climbs up with him and hooks the tights. COLE Superplex coming up! Riggs tries to fight out with punches to the gut, but it isn't enough as Wolfenstein picks him up and drills him into the mat with a top rope superplex! He covers. 1...... 2.......but Riggs gets a shoulder up. Wolfenstein yanks him up and wraps him in a bearhug, taking him over with a belly-to-belly suplex. He sneaks behind Riggs as he gets up and takes him to the mat with another suplex, this of the backdrop variety. COLE James Wolfenstein is a master of the suplex and has many ways of delivering them. A stunned Riggs gets to his feet and takes a swing at Wolfenstein, but James ducks it and goes behind Riggs, hooking him around the waist and taking him over with a German suplex. He rolls through it back to his feet and hooks Riggs in a full nelson before taking him over with a dragon suplex. Robinson goes down to count, but Wolfenstein isn't done as he rolls through that as well and hooks Riggs in a double chicken-wing before taking him over with a TIGER suplex!! COLE A suplex trifecta!! He's got the pin! 1...... 2....... 3--NO! Riggs gets his shoulder off the canvas in time. Wolfenstein retreats to the corner and sinks down, waiting for Riggs to get to his feet. COLE Wolfenstein going for the kill right noWii Riggs stumbles to his feet again and turns around. He sees Wolfenstein charging in out of the corner of his eye and, almost on instinct, brings his foot up and kicks Wolfenstein in the face! James' head snaps back as he is stopped right in his tracks and brought to his knees. Riggs runs off the ropes and comes up from behind with a Shining Wizard kick to the back of the head, bringing him to all fours. Riggs then runs off the ropes again and comes down with a Rolling Koppou Kick to the head, and Wolfenstein goes limp. COACH There it is! COLE A pair of devastating kicks....here's the cover! 1.... 2..... 3!!--NO!!!! COLE But Wolfenstein kicks out!! Oh my!! "TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Riggs looks over to Staci with shock on his face and all Staci can do is shake her head and give her man encouragement. Riggs walks to the corner again, waiting for Wolfenstein to get up. Wolfenstein does and Riggs charges, going for another rolling kick....but Wolfenstein sidesteps it!! Riggs rolls to his feet, but Wolfenstein picks him up in a gorilla press and drops him into a Samoan drop!! COLE Backdrop Driver!! Wolfenstein picks up Wolfenstein and brings him to the corner again, sitting him on the top rope and climbing up after him. He wraps his arms around Riggs as they both try to steady themselves on the top rope. Riggs rakes the eyes to stun James and fires off a series of rights to weaken him enough to break his grip and allow Riggs to push him to the mat. He waits for Wolfenstein to get back to his feet before he comes off the top rope with a FLYING KOPPOU KICK right to Wolfenstein's face!!! "OOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH DAMN!!! COLE Whatamaneuver!!! He covers. 1...... 2...... 3!!!!! COLE He got it! *DING DING* [i]Dani California[/i] plays as Staci joyously rushes into the ring. BUFFER Here is your winner....JAAAAMES RRRRIIGGGGSSSSSSS!!!! After he raises Riggs' hand, Robinson immediately checks on Wolfenstein as Riggs and Staci leave the ring to go celebrate. COLE So it's James Riggs that picks up a victory in his AngleMania debut. COACH I knew that he could do it. I got an invite to his victory party later. JR Nation is gonna go wild tonight!!

Man, Tampa's bullpen's gonna cost them a LOT of games this year. So it's a typical Devil Rays team. REO Speedwagon? That's the best the Royals could do for Opening Day?

I was waiting for the Blondes to get to that first Pit Stop, Phil check them in and award them the prize, then hand them a clue to start the next leg right then and there. How ANYONE can hate Rob and Amber when Mirna and Schmirna are RIGHT THERE baffles the hell out of me.

There was a TUF 3 marathon on Spike today, and that just got me more fired up for the new season.

Damn, those last two shots were just icing on the cake.

If the Schwab wasn't utterly and pathetically annoying and overdramatic, that show would actually be all right because the games leading up to the "Schwab Showdown" are pretty interesting. Two Minute Drill owns it six ways from Sunday, though. I still have the PC version of it.

They finished third last year.

I know this has been discussed before, but I've been watching some old TechTV/early G4TV X-Play clips on YouTube and I can see why a lot of people say that the show has taken a big hit in quality over the last year and a half. Adam and Morgan (especially Morgan), just seemed a lot more loose and fun back then. Now, it almost seems like that have a bit of contempt for their audience and focus more on dumb skits to go with their reviews instead of funny reviews with charmingly dumb skits.

Indeed, though the early days are painfully bland visually. The final breakable doors in the eliminator look like giant sheets of paper grocery bags. Another thumbs up: Bill Simmons' archives are no longer Insider-only.

11 matches sounds manageable. As long as no one gets too long-winded in writing their matches *raises hand*, it should be a fairly painless read. Oh yeah, I'll have my match in GCF sometime Sunday Monday afternoon. Kinda hit a writing wall here.

Those Toby bumpers for the Office marathon tonight were pretty good. Asking Kelly what it was like to slap Michael after "Diversity Day", remembering when Michael asked him why he signed with a "Homo" (HMO), Michael "inventing" a safer Foreman Grill by putting it in a cage. Very nice.

You break the laws You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Money talks “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” With CPA providing security, Mackenzie DeCenzo leads the team of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright to the ring. Rubbing his thumb and middle fingers together, Moneymaker pauses to observe a plump female admirer of COD, his and Wright‘s opponents at AngleMania. THEODORE COLE (disgusted sigh) What a miserable human being. COACH Hey, that’s no way to speak about our future tag team champions. COLE We’ll see in 3 days at AngleMania VI. They have the talent to be champions, no question, but their attitudes leave plenty to be desired. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 15-minute time limit. Introducing first, alongside their Chief Financial Officer MACKENZIE DECENZO and Director of Security CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as CPA...representing THE ENTERPRISE, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 462 pounds, the 2007 Anderson Cup champions... "THE NATURAL" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR" THEODORE MMMOOOONNEYMAKER!!! Wright and Moneymaker pose for the cameras as their names are announced, then remove their jackets and loosen up, with CW handing possession of his trusty briefcase to Mackenzie, who passes it along to CPA for safe keeping. The light dims and the crowd explodes as “Heart-Shaped Box” begins to blare over the loud speakers. It’s followed by the arrival of the Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood on the multi-colored lit stage. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by HOLLY-WOOD! Hailing from Sin City, Las Vegas, Nevada... at a total combined weight of 462 pounds... the GREATEST Rock 'n' Wrestling band of AAAAALLLL time... THE HHHEEEEEAAAAAAVVVEEEEEEEENNLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!! “YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Logan escorts Holly up the ring steps as Synth bangs his head to the music. COLE Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have their work cut out for them going up against the former OAOAST World tag team champions, the Heavenly Rockers, who in 3 nights will face the Sooner Bruisers in the much talked about Sin City street fight where the loser must leave town for 90 days. COACH It’s going to be a rough 3 day period for the Heavenly Rockers, or should I say 93 day period? First they lose tonight and then Sunday night at AngleMania VI. I hope Holly has some hidden talent, because she’s going to be forced to bring home the bacon once her husband finds himself and his slacker friend out of work. Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! COLE Could it be? Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! The ovation Synth and Logan received is nothing compared to that of Chicks Over Dicks, the dynamic female duo of Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia, OAOAST World tag team champions. COLE Yes! C.O.D., America's Sweethearts, are here live! Sporting a business suit that screams female empowerment, the Notorious K-I-D and her bubbly partner head towards the world renowned Sofa Central for an impromptu visit. Wright and Moneymaker, along with Mackenzie, disturbed by the unwelcome guests. COLE Welcome, ladies. What brings you here tonight? KRISTA Well, Todd… COLE Michael. KRISTA Huh? COLE You called me Todd. My name is Michael. KRISTA (death stare) … COLE (clear throats) But you can call me anything you want. KRISTA So your boyfriend tells me. Coach stifles laughter completely once he notices Krista eye-balling him. KRISTA To answer your question, Todd, Alix and I figured we’d lend some constructive criticism to our opponents at AngleMania, much like they did during our match last week. ALIX I’d also like to plug the latest line of baked goods created by Mrs. Spezia’s Cookies. The Super Duper Winnie Cooper Far East and Far Out Fudge Chocolate Sunday cookie. Guaranteed to cause a million more obese children in a year. I make them fat and send them off to Krista to lose weight. KRISTA Shh, that’s supposed to be our little secret. ALIX Darn, darn, darn. Forgot. Despite the girls presence ringside Wright and Moneymaker remain focused on the task in front of them, the Heavenly Rockers, former OAOAST World tag team champions and the recipients of a pair of high-fives from Holly-Wood. Not to be outdone, following a brief consultation with Mackenzie, Theodore and Christian receive a peck on the cheek. ALIX WHORE!! COLE So, ladies, are you by any chance fans of the Heavenly Rockers? KRISTA Yawn. Next question. ALIX I love, love, love, love the Heavenly Rockers. Oh my god, I have all their records. Holly is, like, soooo freaking hot, I can't believe it. She’s Krista without the ‘tude, dude. On the subject of dudes, Logan is a hella lucky one to hook up with that super hot female, and he‘s a hottie-tottie himself. Doesn't he remind you of Lenny Kravitz? But, without, like being Nicole Kidman's sloppy thirds. Which is why I would never let anyone I know hook up with Tom Cruise. Oh, and I wouldn't them to risk carrying the spawn of the antichrist. * DINGDINGDING * Opening for the Heavenly Rockers, Logan Usher Mann, who’ll match-up against Christian Wright AND Theodore Moneymaker, until Moneymaker informs CW of his decision to start the match. The company man that he is, Wright obliges to his boss’s request and exits. COACH That tells you the type of personnel Teddy employs. He wants men and women who will do what’s best for the company not in their self interest. Christian Wright is the ultimate team player. KRISTA By Jesus, will somebody please hand Coach a tissue? There's still some of Christian's baby gravy on his chin. Boy, it sure was nice of Wright to let you wash down that beef burrito he served with a piping hot swig of his pale-ale. ALIX Buh-zing! COACH Yeah, real funny, Krista. So funny I forgot to laugh. But I have a feeling you and Alix won’t be cracking too many jokes come Monday morning, girl. Moneymaker wipes his hands on the side of his trunks and leans in, locking horns with Logan Mann. They jockey for position, tossing and turning each other in the ropes. With neither man able to gain the advantage referee Nick Patrick calls for the break. Everyone in the arena hold their breath as Theodore meticulously slides his head and arms down the body of Logan, but Moneymaker has no tricks up his sleeves and actually breaks cleanly. Not Mann, however. He spikes the point of the elbow square between Teddy’s eyes, decking the Billion Dollar Heir, and then catches Wright stepping through the ropes with a running axe handle smash upside the head! COLE You think Logan’s ready for AngleMania? In his mind he’s in there with the Sooner Bruisers right now. I hope Big Frank and Uber are watching, because this is what they’re in store for Sunday night in Toronto. Logan plays to the crowd and pays for it, clubbed in the back of the head by Moneymaker. In a veteran move for a rookie, Theodore baits Synth inside, allowing him and CW to put the boots to Mann as the referee deals with an irate Heavenly Rocker. COLE Earlier I spoke of what’s in store for the Sooner Bruisers at AngleMania VI, well, that’s what you ladies will have to deal with in your title defense against Wright and Moneymaker -- the illegal double-teaming and the presence of Mackenzie DeCenzo and CPA outside. COACH Yeah, get a load of that. KRISTA Speaking of load, there’s still some *ahem* leftovers around your mouth from the mid day snack Christian treated you to. As for Bill and Warren, they better have every trick in the book handy on Sunday because mama needs a couple of extra million to pay for the physical education center I’m building in France. And these tag belts rake in a few mill on their own, so along with a winner’s purse at AngleMania the project will be paid for by the end of the-- Oh, EAT ME, BITCH! Referring to Mackenzie DeCenzo, who antagonizes COD from the confines of the Enterprise corner. CPA rushes to her side when Krista rises from her seat at Sofa Central, as do the fans in anticipation of a possible catfight. COLE Krista, please, calm down. Take a few minutes to cool off. ALIX I told ya you shoulda had drink service out here! And I'm supposed to be the emotionally unstable one in the relationship? In college I would just shoot her with tranqulizer darts, but her skin has developed some kind of immunity over time. Hiding behind the broad shoulders of CPA, Mackie blows Krista a kiss, prompting the Queen of Fitness to grab her crotch area. Inside the squared circle, a tag has been made. Theodore Moneymaker replaced by Christian Wright as the legal man. The transition is smooth, as Wright picks up where he and Moneymaker left off, stomping away on Logan Mann. The Natural backs Mann into the ropes and rocks his world with a combination of European Uppercuts and knife-edge chops, then sends him off to the far side, snapping Mann over in a power slam! ONE… TWO… But only two. CW requests the services of Teddy, and together they lift Logan overhead for a double suplex…but Synth is able to grab both of his legs on the way over and helps guide Mann down to his feet. Their reaction time delayed by the sudden turn of events, Wright and Moneymaker are the victims of stereo hangman’s neck breakers! Double pin! ONE… TWO… DOUBLE KICKOUT! If Wright and Moneymaker are seeing double it’s because they’re being double-teamed. The Heavenly Rockers whip Teddy into the ropes, and the Billion Dollar Heir finds himself flat on his back thanks to a double backdrop, then outside courtesy of a DOUBLE SYNCHRONIZED DROPKICK! Unbeknownst to Wright he’s all alone with the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time. CW staggers around before bumping into Synth, then Logan. A look of shock and awe in his eyes, the 2006 Rookie of the Year is fired off to the ropes and given his own STUN GUN~! “YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE They hit Wright with his own move! Incredible! But they’re not done yet. Synth is officially tagged in, and he slams CW before climbing onto the middle turnbuckle…SECOND ROPE ELBOW DROP!! COACH You’d think given their history the Heavenly Rockers would know better than to infringe on somebody else’s copyright. COLE Synth isn’t infringing on anything. We’ve seen him utilize that maneuver on countless occasions. ONE… TWO… THREE-- NO!! Theodore, with the aid of CPA, pulls Christian out of harm’s way. Or so they believe. The Synthmeister comes barreling through the ropes and onto the male members of the Enterprise, bringing the fans out of their seats. Mackenzie watches on in horror as Synth sprints over to Sofa Central and jams with Alix. SYNTH & ALIX (playing air guitar) :headbang: COLE Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just been informed we have got to take a commercial break. The tape machines are rolling. If the match ends during the break we’ll show you the conclusion on replay. * COMMERICAL * We return from break just in time to see Theodore Moneymaker challenge Logan Mann to a test of strength. But Mann first seeks the crowd’s opinion. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE And we’re back live on TSM. Thank you for staying with us, ladies and gentlemen. Michael Cole and The Coach alongside the OAOAST World tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks, and re-joined by Krista Isadora Duncan who has finally cooled down after a near physical confrontation with one Mackenzie DeCenzo. KRISTA Hate, is a strong word, but I really, really, really, don't like that bitch. At least I readily admit I’m one. But Mackenzie…ooh, she just makes my blood boil. Like a female George W. COACH That’s funny. I thought you loved bush. Buh-zing that! KRISTA Hey Coach… COACH Yeah? KRISTA You’re an asshole. Just like Ned Blanchard. Hear that Ned? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!! COLE Krista, we’re live. KRISTA In the immortal words of Shaquille O’Neal, “I don’t give a shit.” Although the crowd begs him not to, Logan chooses to locks hands with Theodore, and is promptly kicked in the gut. A series of right hands leave Mann wobbly, to the point where he nearly falls out through the ropes on his own! * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The sound of Teddy’s palm meeting Logan’s chest reverberates throughout the arena, cracking up the Billion Dollar Heir, who paint-brushes Mann insultingly. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!” That wakes up Logan. Moneymaker realizes what he has done and begins backpedaling immediately. But Logan grabs a hold of Teddy and works him over in the corner with left and right jabs to the face and body. Whipped across the ring Moneymaker shoots out of the corner and into a backdrop. COLE Logan showing no ill effects from the sprained knee suffered a few weeks ago. ALIX Jinx! Sure enough, Logan’s knee buckles upon impact after nailing Theodore with a top rope double axe handle smash. Yet he still manages to make the cover! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Noticeably in discomfort Logan signals for a tag. Wright spots it and dives inside, clipping Mann’s leg! He tries to disguise his evil intentions by claiming he was merely searching for a lost contact, even though he doesn’t wear any, but the referee sees through that charade and tears into CW. COLE Christian Wright deserving every bit the brow-beating being given to him by referee Nick Patrick. Such a blatant cheap shot. ALIX Random observation, but is it just me or is Christian a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox? In adulthood I mean, he’s still a kid right now. Tell me you see it, Krissy. Oh, please tell me, I need others to validate opinion to maintain my fragile sense of self worth! KRISTA Meh. ALIX (discouraged) Oh, poo. Moneymaker slithers to the corner like the snake that he is and tags out. The leg of Logan Mann now the target as Wright smashes the limb repeatedly against the ringpost, twisting it in the most grotesque angle imaginable! CW methodical in his attack, almost assumed by the pain currently being endured by Logan Mann. He stares long and hard at COD before dropping a string of elbows onto Mann’s leg., scissoring it afterwards. KRISTA Don’t you dare stare at me, Wright. I’ll wring your neck the way I did Ned’s once I gathered the LA chapter of dykes on bikes and tracked him down after he went on the run upon hearing the news I was pregnant. You don't truly know hell until a leathery Dustin Hoffman with breasts bust down your motel door at two AM. Nor do you know hell until you've stuck your tounge down said woman's throat. But a deal is a deal, I guess. ALIX Yeah, didn’t your mother teach you anything, adult Maddox? “LET’S GO LOGAN!” clap*clap*clap*clap*clap “LET’S GO LOGAN!” clap*clap*clap*clap*clap “LET’S GO LOGAN!” clap*clap*clap*clap*clap Holly and Synth rally the crowd behind Logan, who feeds off the adrenaline, pumping his fists as he attempts to escape from the clutches of Christian Wright. The Natural holding onto Mann’s leg as tightly as possible, but he has no defense for the EYE GOUGE! KRISTA Price gouging in its most barbaric form. COACH Isn’t anybody going to object to this illegal act of aggression? KRISTA No. ALIX Not really. COLE I’m afraid to say anything that might upset Krista. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Logan escapes, but more trouble lies ahead in the form of the SOONER BRUISERS. COLE What are they doing here? COACH I’d ask the same about COD. Unlike Wright and Moneymaker, who have managed to stay clam in the presence of COD, Synth and Logan are unable to contain their emotions. Logan asking Synth to protect Holly as he dares Big Frank and/or to step inside. But it’s Mann who goes out to them, as Moneymakers connects with a knee to the spine of the back, and the Bruisers unload on Mann! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE There’s no need for that, damn it! As Wright and Moneymaker hold a conversation with the official, the Synthmeister rushes to his partner’s aid but is soon overwhelmed by the powerhouse tag team. Once they take care of the Heavenly Rockers, Big Frank and Uber turn their attention to Holly-Wood. COLE Oh, my God, no. The Bruisers continue to stalk Holly, but she’s ready for a fight, standing tall. Until Mackenzie grabs her from behind. Just when it appears all is lost, COD come to her aid. “YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE COD here to even the odds! Wanting no part of COD, Mackenzie tosses Holly aside and hides for cover. She might not want any of COD, but Krista sure as hell wants a piece of her. CPA protects the brains behind the brawn over the Enterprise, but if you think that scares Krista, you got another thing coming. She takes a swing at the big black man, who swats her hand away and shoves her into a clothesline from Theodore Moneymaker! Alix goes to help but CW comes around the corner with a devastating SPEAR! COACH Who’s laughing now, girls? Huh? I love it, Mikey. About time somebody put COD in their place. The Sooner Bruisers join in on a 4-on-2 attack as Nick Patrick administers the 10 count. He reaches 8 when the Heavenly Rockers fly through and over the top rope, wiping out both rule breaking duos! “YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE With total disregard for their bodies, Synth and Logan take to the air and play a heavenly tune on the Sooner Bruisers and Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. All hell breaks loose as the referee loses control. After numerous attempts to restore order fails, he calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE I think both teams just got disqualified. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. I have just been informed, due to the utter chaos outside the ring, this match has been ruled a DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION! “BULLSHIT!” “BULLSHIT!” “BULLSHIT!” The match may be over, but the fighting isn’t. OAOAST officials swarming ringside to separate all 4 teams involved in huge matches at AngleMania. COLE Is this is anything like the action we’ll see Sunday in Toronto, then AngleMania VI will be a night “Etched in Stone.” We cut backstage to find Zack Malibu walking through the halls with a faceless expression that signals he’s all business tonight. COLE Hmm. I thought we were done tonight but folks, I’m getting word that Zack Malibu is getting ready to come out here! COACH And if the rumors are true that Drek Stone is in the building too…wow. This could be good. COLE I…yes, folks. He’s heading to the ring and I can guarantee Zack Malibu has something on his mind only days before the biggest match of his career! We’ll be right back, I promise!

We return to HeldDOWN~! and to the ring itself, ready for that competition I promised you a few centimetres up the page! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! In the ring, from HOTlanta, Georgia... weighing in at two hundred, two pounds. One half of the two-time SWF World Tag Team Champions, The Global Party Xchange... this is SSSCCOOOTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY SSSSSSSSTTAAAAAAAAAAATTIIIIIIIIIIIICC!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wow, a rather heated reception for Scotty Static. Which may have something to do with who we just found out would be his opponent tonight... COACH Gee, ya think? Never one to care unduely about fan reactions, Static leans over the ropes and jaws right back at the patriotic Canadian crowd. A group of fans in the front row wave their Canadian flags right back at him, as "Rush" by Tom Sawyer now hits causing every flag and fan to rise in unison! Still amped up about his newly gained PPV payday, Strutter storms through the entrance doors and encourages the crowd to 'make some noise'. Like they need telling. BUFFER And his opponent. From THUNDER BAY, ONTARIO CANADA!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" BUFFER Accompanied to the ring by RICK HEYROSS... he weighs in tonight at two hundred and eighteen pounds! "AFTER HOURS"... FFFFEEEEEEELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX SSSSSSTTRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUTTEEEEERRRRRR!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Strutter slides into the ring and shoos Static away as he positions himself in the centre of the ring. Only now does Heyross realise he's come unprepared. But luckily, there's plenty of fans willing to lend their Canadian flag to him to provide a backdrop. STRUTTER Thunder Bay, y'all know what time it is! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Heyross holds the Canadian flag high, as Strutter passes the mic back to Michael Buffer and places his hand on his chest as O Canada begins to play. In the background, Scotty Static sits in the corner with a derisory look on his face throughout the Canadian National Anthem. A rousing applause goes up at the end of the song from the crowd, Strutter now ready to go after getting serious for a minute. COLE Well Felix Strutter set for one on one action, here in his hometown of Thunder Bay. And what a night it has been already for the hometown boy, after finding out just moments ago that he'll be the sixteenth entrant into the Money In The Bank Battle Royal this Sunday night at AngleMania VI! COACH Felix is my boy, but that had to have been rigged. COLE It'll be interesting to see how Strutter fares here. Until a couple of minutes ago he didn't even know he was set to compete here tonight! Where-as even though Scotty Static didn't know the actual identity of his opponent, he has had chance to stretch out and warm-up. COACH And lets not forget Scotty'll be in Money In The Bank too. This is his last chance to make an impression before Sunday too. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and Static continues to sit in the corner, sarcastically asking Felix if he's done singing yet. His offer to ask the 'guys in the truck to play some Celine Dion for ya' is laughed off by "After Hours", the two men circling as Scotty finally leaves the corner. COLE Not the first time these two have met. Infact it was in also in Canada, Winnipeg to be exact, where Strutter as part of Team Canada won the 6-Man Tag Team Championships from The Hooligans. Something I'm sure isn't lost on Scotty Static. Felix offers up a single knucklelock to Static, The GPXer slapping the hand to test for any traps. Nothing happens though, so he slowly begins to lock hands... until suddenly a high Roundhouse whistles towards his head! Static JUST ducks his head in time and scurries into a neutral corner, complaining to the referee about Strutter's tactics. "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" Daring Static on, Strutter offers a collar and elbow this time. Understandably Static is a little more wary this time, but the two end up locking up and Strutter comes out on top with a side headlock. Sinking to one knee the Canadian grinds on the head a couple of times, which probably annoys Static as much as it hurts him, prompting him to climb up and land a forearm to the ribs. And another. Backing into the ropes, Static then shoots Strutter off, but he comes sprinting back and knocks Static down with a shoulder tackle! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Any excuse for the crowd to cheer is taken, as Strutter hits the ropes again. Static flops over onto his front and forces Strutter to go up and over. But as The GPXer scrambles to his feet, he doesn't expect Strutter to have stopped and to be waiting on him, swinging with another high Roundhouse Ki... DUCKED! Static just avoids the kick again, crawling on all fours and sliding out of the ring in frustration! COLE That's twice Felix has almost connected with that Roundhouse Kick and twice Scotty Static has been just a second quick enough to evade it. COACH He'd better hope he stays a second quick enough too. Getting kicked in the face is no fun. No fun what-so-ever. From the floor Static complains that he came to wrestle, not to 'do that MMA shit', but referee Brian Hebner shows no sympathy as he begins to lay on the 10 count. Felix Strutter isn't going to wait that long though and he runs across the ring, hitting the far ropes and sprinting back. Quickly, Static jogs around the ringpost to get out of the way, Strutter vaulting clean over the top rope and guiding himself safely down onto the ring apron. To the left of him Static assumes he's dodged the bullet and takes the opportunity to jaw with the fans on that side of the ring. However, behind him, Felix scales the turnbuckles. And he waits there perched until Static ends his conversation, vaulting off the top with a frontflip, FLATTENING STATIC WITH A SOMERSAULT DIVE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Strutter hops right back up, having his landing cushioned by landing on Scotty Static's torso, slapping hands his his fellow Thunder Bay'ers. COLE Felix Strutter taking to the air! And he is all fired up, the adrenaline must be flowing through him like never before after these rollercoaster past few minutes! Having done enough meet and greet for now, Strutter peels Static off the canvas and dumps him back into the ring. Strutter then slides right in after him and makes the cover... 1... 2... No! Strutter puts the boots to Static a little, before pulling him up off the canvas and placing him throat-first over the middle rope. And even in his hometown, Felix isn't above placing his knee down across the back of the head and choking his opponent down a little. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." He does break a little earlier than he maybe would in America though. Strutter now drags Static off the ropes and irish whips him across the ring, springing up to meet him on the rebound with a picturesque Standing Dropkick! And a picturesque landing follows, allowing him to make a quick pin... 1... 2... No! COLE Felix Strutter looking good here. And you have to say, he's a strong darkhorse going into Money In The Bank. He's going to have tons of momentum on his side, assuming he manages to win here tonight. Backing Scotty up into a corner, Strutter reels back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops Static across the chest. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...a second time. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a third! COACH Felix lighting Static up like a cheap blunt! COLE Why a cheap one? COACH I dunno, sounded more descriptive in my head. Wringing out Static's wrist, After Hours prepares to irish whip him from corner to corner. However Static manages to twist out of the whip, ducking his head and spearing Strutter back into the turnbuckles behind him! With Strutter winded, Static then tucks and rolls backwards creating some space to run in and smash the Canadian in the corner with a diving forearm strike in the corner! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Now it's Static with the whip, this one successful. Strutter nestles in the opposite corner and Static charges in after him with another forearm. Picking up momentum by the second Static now turns and sprints off the far ropes, as Strutter comes staggering out of the corner towards the centre of the ring. After Hours has enough of his wits about him to be prepared for his opponent this time though and as Static looks to fire off with a third forearm in quick succession, he finds his leg scythed out from underneath him with a drop toehold! Static's face bounces off the canvas as Strutter scrambles up, off the ropes and sliding into second base with a basement dropkick... SAFE!! Able to retract his head just in time, Static pushes up off his haunches and catches Strutter in the back of the head with a legdrop just as he's stopped skidding across the canvas!! "OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE The pace quickening here, as you'd expect from these two cruiserweight athletes. COACH X-Division. COLE Sorry, X-Division. Forget where I was for a second. Following the legdrop, Static pulls the hometown hero up onto all fours and straddles him as if for a camel clutch. But, that's what he wanted you to think. Instead he rocks forward, taking Strutter over with him into the Gedoh Clutch... 1... 2... Kickout! Static stumbles forward but quickly turns on his heels after Strutter, who comes his feet in the corner. Up leaps the GPXer, but Strutter sidesteps... ...Static landing on the middle rope and backflipping back to the canvas! He lands just in time as Strutter aims for his head with a clothesline, ducking underneath and swinging around the body of his opponent into a waistlock. With his back to the turnbuckles, it looks like Static is going for the kill as he lifts for a German... but Strutter tucks forward, bringing Static over into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... NO! It's Static up in the corner now, as Strutter runs in. Instead of sidestepping Static uses the more forthright counter of an elbow to the face to put pay to whatever Felix had in mind though, before hopping up to the middle rope. And he prepares to lower the boom, as he stands upright on the ropes. Strutter gets a sudden burst of energy though and recklessly throws himself over the top rope, grabbing the rope on his way over and kicking Static in the chest with his trailing foot in the process! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pulling himself up by that same rope, Strutter nudges Static over a bit as he sits dis-orientated on the top rope. Firing up the crowd, the hometown boy then throws some more caution to the wind as he vaults to the top... ...springboards off... ...AND SNARES STATIC OFF THE ROPES WITH A TREMENDOUS HURRICANRANA!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Unbelievable! You'll only see this kind of action here on Smackdown! COACH HeldDOWN~! COLE Right. Sorry. COACH Besides, it's more like once every three weeks on Smackdown. As if he were shot out of a cannon, Static goes flying across the ring and ends up in a heap a good six or seven feet away! Feeling it after his high-risk move, over crawls Strutter, turning Scotty labouriously over onto his back and dropping on top with a hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO!! KICKOUT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Strutter slaps the mat and Heyross takes issue with Brian Hebner and his count. He should probably be more worried about the displeased Canadian crowd though. After all, he is a Hebner. COLE Neither of these men are going to hold back here, but with AngleMania VI and Money In The Bank just three days away, this might be a mixed blessing to be competing tonight. Pulling Static back up by the hair, Strutter rains down with a couple of shots to the back of the head. Once he's softened Scotty up a little he then turns to the crowd, giving the signal that it's soon to be OVAH~! Strutter hooks up the arms, applying a double underhook and preparing for the Thunder Bay Throttle, in front of the roaring Thunder Bay natives. However, Static knows enough about his surprise opponent to know that's bad news and quickly drops to one knee, popping right back up and coming to his feet with Felix hung over his shoulders in a fireman's carry! COLE Nice counter! Carrying Strutter around for a second, Static picks his spot and presses Strutter up, faceplanting him into the canvas! Stepping over the back, The GPXer then runs the ropes and comes back, with enough momentum to frontflip and FLATTEN Felix's face with a Somersault Legdrop!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And WHAT a legdrop! COACH Scotty might not weigh that much in the land of professional wrestling, but that's still two hundred pounds coming down on the back of your head! With an arrogant smirk into the crowd, Static shoots the half, turning Strutter over and covering... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" And just like that the smirk disappears as Static takes his turn to cast a look referee Hebner's way. Rick Heyross tries to encourage Strutter on from the outside, the Canadian seemingly seeing stars still as he's soon brought back up to his feet. "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" "CAN - A - DA!" The chants of the crowd only serve to annoy HOTlanta's finest, pulling the trigger on a big right hand to the face. Hebner warns Static about the closed fist as Strutter slumps down to one knee. Static shrugs the attention off though, as he applies his own double underhook and prepares to Spike the proverbial Punch! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" His finishing move is equally well scouting though, or at least successfully read, as Strutter deadweights Scotty's attempts to lift him. Static releases the hold on the arms temporarily to club Strutter over the back a few times, before trying again. Again he can't get him though. So, frustratedly, Static throws down the arms and takes advantage of Felix's position on one knee by springing up and throwing a Shining Wiza... ...NO! Strutter ducks the knee! Both men come to their feet almost in unison and Strutter turns, to see Static coming at him with a nifty little sidestep. Static throws out his leg again, this time with a Superkick... ...but again Strutter ducks, Static now wheeling around in search of his opponent... *SMACK!* ...AND GETTING KICKED UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A HIGH ROUNDHOUSE!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH MIRKO CRO COP'D~!~! COLE At the third time of asking, the Roundhouse connects! But Strutter has to follow up here! Scotty collapses flat on his face as Strutter falls back to one knee, shaking out the cobwebs from the earlier legdrop that still has him shaken. However, instead of going for the cover once he's cleared his head, Strutter grabs Static's trailing foot and drags him backwards, next to the turnbuckles. Strutter then heads up top, looking to put the final flurish on the result as he sets himself, pointing out into his hometown crowd, before soaring... ...AND LANDING WITH THE SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE INCREDIBLE MOVE! Strutter grabs the far arm and turns Static towards him, drops down and covers... 1... 2... 3- FOOT ON THE ROPES!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE That was pure instinct on Scotty Static's part right there! Strutter neglected to move Static away from the ropes and it might just have cost him the victory here in his hometown! COACH Say what you want, Scotty's tough. Not many people would have the presence of mind to move their leg at all after that move. Learning his lesson the hard way, Strutter log-rolls Static over a couple of times towards the center of the ring, before trying again... 1... 2... No, Static kicks out this time! Dragging Static off of the canvas, the disappointment is clear on Strutter's face as he rocks his opponent with a forearm. And a second. Ducking his head in low, Strutter then looks for a Northern Lights Suplex. Static suddenly lifts a knee though... twice... and a third time, breaking After Hours' grip around his waist and blocking the suplex. As Felix comes back up winded, Static then pushes him back a step... *SMACK!* ...and LANDS with a Leg Lariat!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Still woozy, Static virtually collapses on top of Strutter... 1... 2... NO! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Static rolls away and tries to lift himself back off the canvas again. He pushes up onto all fours and waits for the fog to clear in his head before pushing him, lounging over the ropes... "FE - LIX!" "FE - LIX!" "FE - LIX!" "FE - LIX!" ...and coming face to face with hundreds of partizan Canadians, routing his opponent on! COLE This Thunder Bay crowd trying to push Strutter over the finishing line here. COACH And it'll be like this on Sunday, I'll bet. Forcing himself off the ropes Static seems to take his own heart from the chants as he brings Strutter in, landing a forearm to stun him. A second forearm follows, before Static brushes past and leaps back off the ropes with a Bulldog! Strutter gets planted face first and staggers right back to his feet as Static now hits the opposite side and looks for one final shot, aiming high with as much of a Lariat as he can summon with his two hundred-ish pound frame... ...CAUGHT! Strutter comes to life all of a sudden and snares the arm, spinning out behind with the arm. By the arm, he then turns Scotty around and boots him in the gut, cradling up the arms... *WHAM!* ...AND PLANTING HIM WITH THE THUNDER BAY THROTTLE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE GOT HIM! From out of nowhere, The Thunder Bay Throttle, IN Thunder Bay! Will that be all!? With the crowd still unashamedly cheering the move named after their town, Strutter then wearily turns Static and slumps on top, pulling on the leg of Static's leatherish pants in some equating a leg-hook... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE YES IT WILL! Heyross jumps for joy in time with the Thunder Bay crowd, Hebner calling for the bell (which is a good thing this time). Strutter rolls off of Static and pumps his fists over his head, before rolling out of the ring and shaking hands with his manager. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "AFTER HOURS"... FFFEEEEEEELLLLLLLIIIIIIIXXXXXXX SSSSSTTRRRRRRUUUUUUUTTEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And Felix Strutter is going to Money In The Bank with ALL the momentum on his side! Plucked from the verge of a non-appearance in his home-country's AngleMania, Strutter picks up a hard-fought victory over a former two-time Tag Team Champion here in Thunder Bay! And could he shock the world this Sunday and earn himself that guaranteed contract for a World Title shot!? Strutter looks a little shaken still but he slaps a few hands on his way back up the ramp. Surely this wasn't what he planned on when he showed up tonight, he couldn't have really dreamed of it actually. But it's happened and now Strutter is rolling, turning to the crowd and telling them in no uncertain terms, he's going to AngleMania to win Money In The Bank! COLE Three days away, Money In The Bank, it'll be sixteen men and only one winner of that signed, sealed and delivered contract for a shot at the OAOAST World Champion any time within the next year. Strutter will be there, Scotty Static will be there too, as will fourteen others. And whoever comes out of our historic main-event as OAOAST World Champion, one of their most immediate challengers will be Etched In Stone~! COACH Laaaame! We cut to the back to see James Wolfenstein WALKING! He's wearing an official OAOAST referee shirt (as opposed to those "unofficial" ones that are floating around) with a big smirk on his face. COLE James Riggs takes on Gibraltar, and that's NEXT! Commercial break A pumping bass vibrates throughout the arena, while dark blue spotlights bounce in a frenzied fashion across the metallic entrance stage. As the chart busting, club thumping hit Voodoo Child by the Rouge Traders rises to it's full zenith, red and yellow lights clash for presence with the deep blue incumbent. Through the parting entrance doors, steps the beautiful but cruel, Megan Skye. Outfitted in tight blue leather pants, and a midriff exposing half black half blue leather tank top, “The Perfect 10” glowers at the invasive camera, before rudely pushing it away and strutting towards the ring with arrogance in her step. BUFFER The following match is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of ten minutes! Now making her way to the ring from Pawtucket, Rhode Island....MEAAAGAAAAN SKYEEEEEE! The announcement of her name is not warmly received by the Canadian audience, but Megan celebrates it by preening and primping in the fashion of her absentee boyfriend, Mister Landon Maddix. COACH Not to insult Landon, or anything, but it often times seems that Megan is the brains behind his success. It's somewhat questionable about how far he'd be able to make it without her around. But tonight we get to see her on her own in singles competition. Pawtucket's most famous resident enters the squared circle to once again be treated to a round of boos, taunts, and lewd sexual come ons, and if you've seen some of the women Thunder Bay can produce you'd probably come on to a god damn moose. Skye goes through a series of stretches she no doubt learned at her night Kickboxing classes at a Pawtucket community college, as she prepares for her unknown foe. An eerily spoken refrain from a strained female voice oozes through the speakers... Monster How should I feel? Creatures lie here Looking through the window COACH Who the hell is this? It better not be no fat bitch! I'm warning ya'll! As the attendees express similar questions and reservations over the possibility of a fat bitch, a Gothic influenced pop beat joins the frightened, yet sweetened female vocals of Meg & Dia's Monster. Green and gold lights flicker at the sides of the Angletron as the powerfully tortured chorus beams it's regrets to the world. Tall pillars of smoke steam from the tip of the entrance ramp. Through the chaotic multi colored haze emerges a figure that assuages all fears of a fat chick. A young girl stands amidst the swirling fumes, her dark red lips curled into an infectiously joyful smile. Though no taller then 5'2, she cuts a striking presence, in a short black skirt, a two sizes too small black Muse t-shirt, and a boquet of white flowers clenched in her left hand. Her perfectly shaped oval face, and pouty grey eyes sunken underneath black mascara, are partially obscured by a flowing white wedding veil. BUFFER And the opponent..from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada...MAGGGGIEEEE NEERRRRRDLLLLY! The crowd reacts with some measure of shock, certainly not expecting to be graced with an appearance by a member of Canada's most prestigious wrestling family. With her blond hair, tinged with red highlights, trailing behind her, the delighted darling zips down the ramp, slapping hands, and exchanging smiles with her fellow Canadians. She slides into the oaoast ring for the first time in her career an uncontrollable ball of nerves and spirited energy. While the hardened Megan watches with bitter contempt, Maggie stands in the center of the squared circle and points her bouquet towards each individual turnbuckle. As her floral arrangement is directed to each corner, a tower of green pyro explodes from it's top turnbuckle. With the impressive pyrotechnic display complete, the still smiling Maggie tosses her bouquet behind her back and into the audience. COLE Well, this is Maggie Nerdly, the eighteen year old sister of Abdullah, Melody, Marvin and Melvin. I must say that it's a gre.... COACH Wait, shut up, how old did you say? COLE She graduated high school very early at just seventeen, and only turned eighteen a few days ago. COACH (nearly jumping out of his chair in joy) Got dayum, that skeet can get the biddy! COLE I wonder what it would be like to have ten sister in laws and eight brother in laws, Coach. COACH What are you talking about? I'm just tryin' to kick it wit' a bitch, I ain't tryin' to marry one. Once Maggie removes her various bridal inspired accouterments and dishes them to a ring side attendant, the referee calls for the bell... DING DING DING! The affair begins with a standard collar and elbow tie up, and the two competitors immediately begin jockeying for position. Their battle is brief, however, and ends when Mags amazingly shoves Megan halfway across the squared circle. Megan isn't intimidated by Maggie's impressive show of power and after scraping herself off, meets Maggie for a second lockup. The preppy babyface once again wins the encounter as she sweeps Megan off her feet with sneaky leg trip. The long haired blond mounts her SWF foe, and begins pumping fist after fist into her lovely face. Not wishing to be turned into a human punching back, Megan pushes the preppy baby face off her body, then gives her taste of her own bitter medicine by mounting her and attacking her with closed fists. But Megan's advantage last for all of two seconds before Maggie turns the tide, and resumes her own mounted punching. Megan has had enough of this exchange, and uses a gap in between their bodies to escape beneath the ropes in order to catch her breath. At this point a rotund male audience member, rudely accuses Megan of having a “rat face.” She replies by informing him that's he's a fat ass, which reduces him to tears, because up until that point he had never realized he was fat. Now his whole body of work has been rendered meaningless by this starling realization. COLE Megan is as every bit as disgusting a human being as Landon! COACH Fool shoulda lost some weight before he showing up looking like Lord Rexington Fear. Only Melody will that get reference. The Western Canadian diva follows her enemy outside, which instantly puts Skye's black boots on the move. She frantically returns to the ring to avoid the vexatious eighteen year old. Ever the determined one, Maggie begins to chase after her cowardly foe. Yet as she slides into the ring, Megan attempts to flatten her with an elbow drop. Fortunately for Papa Nerdly's baby girl, she's able to pull her body away from the downward trajectory of the strike. This is quite a terrible happening for Landon Maddix's better half, as her elbow violently crunches into the canvas. Clutching her hurt arm, she rises upright, but gets no rest for her weary bones as a returning Maggie meets her with a series of wild elbow strikes. After weakening her with the attacks, she whips Megan into the ropes. Skye goes onto the offensive by diving towards Maggie's side, and pulling the Nerdly babe down with a roll up pin! Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer counts the first fall of the contest... ONE TWO Maggie shoots her shoulder off the mat, earning a polite round of applause from the audience. She stands up, readying herself to take the fight to her hated rival. But Megan keeps her on the defensive when she pushes her down to the ground with a surprise spear! Thinking that basic move is enough to put the young lass away, Skye hooks the leg for a pinfall. ONE TWO But, Maggie kicks out once more, and gains another series of polite applause. Megan, however, feels that this latest escape is just beginners luck and tires for another pinfall. ONE COLE This could be it right here! TWO And again Maggie Nerdly escapes the jaws of defeat. Megan finally takes the hint, and realizes that her younger foe isn't quite ready to take the loss. Thus she stands her up and peppers her with a series of jabs. The fast moving blows back the Edmonton native into a nearby corner, and allow Skye to punish her midsection with a series of savage shoulder strikes. The blows leave Maggie whimpering and wailing, and as Megan hooks her into a front facelock then moves her into a vertical suplex, it looks like the youngest diva on the roster may be over her head in the oaoast. But Mags proves she belongs in the oaoast, when she slips out of Skye's loosely applied clutches, and lands behind the intensely disliked woman. She then school boys a stunned Megan, who hadn't even registered the fact that Maggie was no longer in her grip. Buzzlefoxer makes the count. ONE TWO Megan pulls out of the pinfall, and hops to her feet, ready to strike down the annoying newcomer once and for all. But it's Megan who gets struck down, as Maggie upends her with a lariat! Megan gets back on her feet relatively quickly, but is knocked right back down by the same clothesline. She figures that fighting the plucky youngster head on isn't going to get her very far, and thus tries a different course action. The Rhode Islander sinks to her knees and innocently begs for a reprieve from the Nerdly daughter's “incredible might.” Despite warnings from a few audience members, Maggie doesn't wish to take advantage of an injured foe, and decides that Megan deserves the chance to recover from her wounds before continuing. And of course right as she decides that, her devious enemy recovers, and begins pelting her in the stomach with right hooks. “BOOOOOO!” COACH Maggie's hot has hades, but dumb as rocks, just the way I like my girls. COLE I don't think being sporting and kind equates to a poor intellect. And shes' almost twenty years younger then you, Coach! She just turned eighteen two weeks ago! COACH I gots ta get my “legal but morally questionable sex” on. You know how it is, playa. After weakening Maggie with sufficient body blows, Megan goes for a game winning home run swing, a lunging lariat. But Skye strikes out, as the teen starlet sweeps bellow the attacking arm. Maggie bounces off the ropes and returns to Landon's manager with a lariat of her own. However her strike is intercepted with a boot to the gut from Megan. The attack doubles the innocent doll over, and lets Megan easily trap her into a standing head scissors. But keeping Maggie in that position proves to be another matter entirely. One that The Perfect 10 fails miserably at. The charming teenybopper pulls away from Meg's clutches, then attaches her into a hammerlock. Before Skye can even properly mount a defense, Maggie is twirling her into a front face lock and nailing her with the Happiness is Edmonton in your rearview mirror (Hammerlock DDT). Megan's body flops over onto it's back, drained of all life by the Canadian's deadly finishing hold. With Megan throughly defeated, Maggie makes the cover, smiling broadly as she does so. ONE TWO THREE! BUFFER The winner, in her oaoast debut, MAGGIE NERDLY! A small round of applause fills the arena, as Monster plays over the sound system. A deliriously excited Maggie springs to her feet and makes the famous RAWK~! Hand signal, before she gets out of the ring to high five the fans in celebration of her first ever victory. COLE Quite the debut from the Nerdly family's newest contribution to the oaoast! We're both very happy to have her on our roster. COACH Both? You mean, all three of us. Shit, in one of those Al-Qaeda ass Ali Babba countries you only gotta wait till a chick's nine to smash that ass. They hittin' 'em right out of Pampers and Huggies. With this girl, I'd be nailing a god damn senior citizen by their standards. This'd be like necrophilia over there in dothead land. COLE Dothead land? COACH skeet skeet skeet all over that yearbook picture. COLE Hey, who are those young ladies Maggie's talking to over there? Friends of hers? COACH We lookin' at a fourgy! Let me see these hos. COACH Aww shit! Naw, you got it all wrong, son. I'm a good Christian. I was just trying to find out who the girls was as persons so I could help 'em, maybe be like a big brother mentor and show them the right way. Teach 'em about Christ, our lord, our savior, our guiding light. Nothing bad was gonna happen. I'm a minister, please ignore this bottle of lube... While Coach pleads his innocence we go to.... COMMERCIAL BREAK When HD returns, we're taken backstage where Abdullah Abir Nerdly, in an Edmonton Oilers hockey jersey, is trolling the premises for a sounding board for his many qualms and issues with the oaoast. Beside him is his older sister, Melody Nerdly, svelte figure packed into a red flannel shirt, tiny daisy duke shorts, and cowgirl boots. Eventually Abdullah eyes down a young security guard mingling at a catering table. Somehow the Syrian born grappler decides that this innocent soul is the perfect man to hear his problems and execute his plans for Anglemania. The guard stares at Abdullah with wistful eyes, his lonely heart yearning to lie between silk bedsheets, legs interwined with a man of Abdullah's unequaled beauty. Of course this fantasy evaporates, when Abs opens his mouth and begins making ludicrous claims and outrageous demands. ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY Buddy, buddy, buddy! As a security guard and a trusted friend, I hope you can offer me some much needed assistance! As you well know by now Anglemania is this Sunday, and everyone is abuzz with speculation over who's going end the night with the title of Mister Money In The Bank. But I can ease all these anxious minds right now, because the answer to that quandary is me, Abdullah Abir Nerdly, speaker for the prophets. I was predestined by the gods to take victory over these twenty other blasphemers. But, my destiny isn't what's important right now. What's important, friend, is your role in Abdullah's crowning moment. As you know, I'm a multinational hero in both Syria and Canada, and my easily earned victory in Money In The Bank match will be a humongous deal across the globe. That means there will be quite the number of people trying to get into my locker room backstage to offer congratulations to your's truly. This is a problem. Why? Because Toronto, Ontario, the location of Anglemania, is known to have some of foulest, ugliest, women in all of Canada. And I need you to run a block, play the bouncer, and keep those freaks far away from Mister Money in The Bank. Can you do that, friend? GUARD I guess. But, to be honest, I'm not so sure you're going to win. Abdullah lets out a hearty laugh in response to that odd statement. ABDULLAH Who else could win besides me, buddy? Who can eliminate a Syrian prince? MELODY Probably everyone in the known universe. GUARD One of the members of Black T could definitely do it. Abdulah can't help but chuckle at the mere absurdity of this claim. ABDULLAH Black T? GUARD Yeah, didn't you watch last week? They put everyone in their place! It was amazing! ABDULLAH The only reason Black T was able to leave the ring without the aid of EMTs and a pair of stretchers is because I wasn't around to put them in their place. If I had been there, I would've taken the Sword of Damascus to both their necks and you could say goodbye to the supposedly greatest oaoast tag team of all time! My good friend, Money in the Bank belongs to Abdullah Abir Nerdly, it's that simple. There's not a soul on this planet that can stop me from my guaranteed world title shot. GUARD What about Bohemoth? He beat you down a couple weeks ago! The color is ripped clear off Abs' face, as the name of the Meterosexual Monster settles into his disturbed mind. ABDULLAH Bo..Bo...Bohemoth?! Let me wise you up on a little Bohemoth. His so-called “man handling” of me three weeks ago was born of pure jealously. Jealous of the success that my hard work has brought. Jealous that I am revered as a national hero in both Syria and Canada. Jealous of my religious beliefs. Jealous of the man, and jealous of the legend. There's is no reason he should treat me so disrespectfully! I never said a bad word about him! If he's such respectable representative of this company, as everyone claims, why would he attack an inspirational leader like me, instead of bowing at my feet and thanking me for my many contributions to society? It's like I said before: he's jealous. He should idolize me, not hate me, for I am the mighty dragon, and he is the scared villager! اعدكم الموت! MELODY You're gay. From off in the distance the pitter patter off frantically running footsteps is heard. The jogger quickly emerges on screen, revealing themselves to be Maggie Nerdly, still in wrestling gear, and terribly excited over her first victory. MAGGIE Abdullah! Melody! Unable to control herself in the face of this enthusiasm, the speedy Maggie slams right into Abdullah, nearly knocking him into the security guard he's enlisted into his army. ABULLAH What in the good heavens?! Oh it's you. Hi, Melody. MELODY I'm Melody, you gooberstain. I've been standing next to you for like twenty minutes, how the hell could you not know that? MAGGIE And I'm Maggie! ABDULLAH Hmmm. When you have ten sisters it's difficult to keep them all straight. MAGGIE It's okay. But isn't this great? Me, you two, Marvin and Melvin all working together! I think that's pretty awesome, it's like a karmic apology from the world for all our older siblings having their heads shoved into toilets, their hair set on fire, and their underwear strewn up a flagpole. MELODY I tried to tell them Microsoft wasn't a safe place to work. The revenge of the Mac gods is swift and brutal! BWHAHAHHAAA! MAGGIE Melody, did you watch my match? Did I do well, big sis? MELODY I..I..well, uh Jade's cat just died of uh...um...AIDs , maybe, yes, that's good, AIDs, and I had to comfort her in this time of suffering. You understand, Maggie. MAGGIE (frowning in sympathy for Jade's “deceased” pet) I didn't know cats could get AIDs. MELODY It's something we have to raise awareness on, get the message out. Rest in peace ya'll Ninjas, there's a heaven for a G. AIDS Virus, all your base are belong to us. MAGGIE Well, tell your friend Jade that I'm sorry about her kitten. But Abby, isn't this awesome? We both kicked a-double s in our debut match? ABDULLAH نني حزين جدا من هذا الحدث ويسوؤنا كثيرا لي MELODY LOL @ this WE@K azz n00b! Good one, Mags! MAGGIE Oh sorry, big brother. My fault! It's okay, Abby, you can still put in a kick ass showing at Anglemania. I know you can win The Money In The Bank match! MELODY ROTFLMFAO! Once again, I say good one, Maggie. Good one. Superior one, even. 133T one. How's he supposed to do that, when Bohemoth's going to be patrolling the ring, waiting to squash him like Mario does a goomba! I can see it now, excuse me Bohmeoth sir, could you not rip my arms off and use them beat my body like a bongo drum? No? Then do you mind not removing my spinal cord from the rest of my body? No? Okay, that's fine. MAGGIE How can you speak like that, Melody? MELODY I open my mouth, and the words, and symbols, and numbers an acronyms, just come flying right out. Very amazing. MAGGIE You're wrong for that, Melody! We've all gotta stick together and encourage each other. You can't be so down on Abdullah. Come on, gang, let's be positive. Abby, this is an opportunity to test yourself against nineteen of the other toughest guys on the roster. Most people would kill for this chance, and you got it after only two weeks in the company. MELODY You had to make a few under the table deals with suspected terrorists, wanted criminals, and possible threats to United States security to do it, but who cares? MAGGIE (ignoring her older sister) Didn't we all come to the oaoast to fight the best in sports entertainment? MELODY I don't know what you're talking about, I came to get away from you people. ABDULLAH (also ignoring Melody, which seems to be a recurring theme in this family) Maggie, your pep talk is appreciated, but wasted, because my Money In The Bank victory, as the tagline goes, is etched in stone. I shall lurk in the shadows of the ring, watching every move everyone makes. Inch by inch, step by step, second by second, I will patiently wait until the appropriate time to attack. And when that time comes, my struggle, and my heroics will finally bear fruit! Finally, my greatness will be rewarded! Money In The Bank will be my finest win, and their worst loss! لكم كل كلبات قتلى بالرصاص ما تريد عندما لا تنطلي على اي دخان لكم تقويم المعسرين يخدع لك م MAGGIE See, that's the Nerdly spirit! With that enthused comment, Maggie gives a hug to her older siblings, then departs the scene to do whatever is eighteen year olds do. I don't know. Watch My Hitlist on MTV Hits. Lupe Fiasco had Weapon of Choice on there, and that was word as fuck. Christopher Walken all day like a motherfucker. MELODY That's odd, I was always led to believe the Nerdly spirit involved being slammed against your locker, forking over all the money in your pocket, the keys to whatever residence contains your prized possessions, and a subsequent begging for your worthless life to be spared. On that note screens across the globe return to sofa central. COACH You know Abdullah ain't related to Melody and Maggie like that. I mean he ain't, blood blood, you know what I'm saying? You think he ever...you know? Huh? I bet he does, I bet you! COLE Moving on

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! B-O-O-M~! COLE WE ARE THREE DAYS AWAY FROM ANGLEMANIA!!! And we are LIVE here in......Thunder Bay, Ontario? The camera pans around the smallish arena, packed to the gills with fans. COACH Yeah, we kinda overspent to get AngleMania in SkyDome, so this was the cheapest place to book. COLE Fair enough! That doesn't temper the fact that AngleMania VI is this Sunday night and I am very excited! Tonight....(shuffles through schedule) what the? This is it? Where's Zack Malibu? Where's Drek Stone? Where's all the big stars? COACH Well, the locker rooms can only fit about five people, so everyone else decided to just hit the Toronto strip clubs a few days early. I'm only here because I'm still paying off my credit cards since AnglePalooza. COLE So we're going to have to hype AngleMania all night by ourselves? COACH I could go in the ring and pop n' lock for a bit. COLE Let's not do that just yet. Well, tonight we've got some matches and a LOT of hype for AngleMania VI, this Sunday night whenever Tony starts posting it. COACH Tony? COLE ....Did I say that? I'm sorry, I meant when we go LIVE all around the world on pay-per-view television with the lights and the pyrotechnics and the rock n' roll music and whatnot. COACH I think we've done enough filler. Let's just roll the MITB clip. COLE Thank God. Go to the video. In the executive conference room in The Fort William Gardens, which I assume actually exists but if not re-read it as catering with a few lawn chairs provided, a large number of the OAOAST roster have been assembled and talk amongst themselves. And when I say a large number, I mean it, at least 40-50 wrestlers in the room (seriously, how many characters do we need people?). The mass number of voices mash together in the air but from what we can pick up, it seems nobody in the room seems to know what's going on and why they've been called together. And the various suggestions and conspiracy theories being thrown around are laughed off, except in one corner of the room where Quentin Benjamin's off-hand thought of a 'wellness policy' has left those around him sweating profusely. Ie. NRG. Infact, so frenzied is the speculation that nobody seems to notice "Cowboy" Bill Watts entering the room. WATTS AHEM! The room falls silent. That might be because the lovely MARIA is standing to Watts' left twiddling her thumbs. WATTS Okay, thank you all for showing up here tonight. Especially those of you back from Japan for this historic weekend in the company's history. AngleMania VI is just three days away and over the next few days, we'll be making the final push for the show with various live appearances and events. And we thank you all for your co-operation in making AngleMania VI the BIGGEST AngleMania in history!! A murmur goes up from the crowd. Not an entirely happy one. WATTS Now, obviously, there are only so many spots at AngleMania itself. And as I'm sure you've realised from looking around the room, we have called only those not currently on the AngleMania card to this meeting. The reason being, there has been a change to the Money In The Bank Battle Royal layout, as requested by AngleSault who is unfortunately still convalescing and can't explain in person. Basically, he closed off the open entry last week and decided to limit the field to the sixteen men he had secured. However, last week, you may have seen that James Riggs was taken out of the Money In The Bank, therefore leaving us with one open spot. Another murmur starts around the room but this time it's a rather interested murmur. Meanwhile Watts signals to the door, at which point two member of the OAOAST staff wheel in a big, silver tumbler. WATTS Every member of the active roster not currently booked in a match at AngleMania, their name is in this tumbler. We're going to draw one name and that lucky person will go to AngleMania and compete with fifteen others, for a guaranteed title shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion any time within the next 12 months! Already everyone in the room is making their own plans for when their World Champion. A little premature, perhaps, but still. WATTS In addition, the final lucky entrant will be in action live on HeldDOWN~! immediately following this draw, which is why you've all been asked to dress to compete. Now, any questions? MELODY NERDLY Uh, yeah. Nerdly actually raises his hand as if he were still in school, earning some snickers from those around him. MELODY Yeah, like, uhm, what was the deal with that 'no moves off the top rope rule' in 92? Who thought that was a good idea, seriously? WATTS ...okay, Maria, let's get this draw underway. Skipping the short distance over to the tumbler, Maria waves to the crowd of wrestlers in front of her. A few of those not thinking straight at this particular second wave back in the same giddy way before realising how stupid they must look. Meanwhile, Maria gives the tumbler a couple of rotations before opening up the hatch. MARIA And the winner is... ...MISTER WARRIOR!!!! Groans and unhappy mumblings go up, as every cranes their neck around to the room to where Mister Warrior sits. Except, of course, he's nowhere to be seen. WATTS (nervously laughing) Okay, let's chalk that down to a practice draw, shall we? Watts takes the ball and throws it over his shoulder, as Maria plucks another lucky name from the tumbler. MARIA Okay, congratulations... ...SHANNON MOORE!!!! The groans and unhappy mumblings sound suspiciously like cursing from some sections as the assembled superstars are clearly not happy. Rick Heyross rolls his eyes, "Sweet" Lucius Soul throwing his hands in the air while Mr. Boricua just says 'GRRRRR' real loud. MARIA Wait a second... that's no good. Let me try again, wait a second... Maria grabs another ball... MARIA ...that's odd. This one says SHANNON MOORE too! ...and another... MARIA SHANNON MOORE! ...and another... MARIA SHANNON MOORE! ...and now a whole handful... MARIA SHANNON MOORE! SHANNON MOORE! SHANNON MOORE! Gee, there sure are a lot of you called Shannon Moore in here! Sensing something is up, Bill Watts eyes up the tumbler. And upon realising it's facing the wrong way, he gives it a quick spin to reveal the front of the tumbler and a very clear sign taped to the front, reading BROCK AUSSTIN TUMBLER in bright red letters. Groans go up at quite possibly the worst joke in OAOAST history as Watts frustratedly leaves, dragging another tumbler behind him with an qually descript sign on it, this one reading REAL TUMBLER. MELODY Wait a second... why was Mister Warrior's name in the Shannon Moore tumbler? I sure hope someone got fired for that blunder! WATTS ...yes, well, I assume that's built enough drama up. Maria, I believe this is the right collection of names, so let's finally get the actual final entrant. MARIA Okay, but Shannon Moore's gonna be mighty pissed when he realised he could have been in the battle royal. WATTS *groans* MARIA The REAL winner is... ...FELIX STRUTTER!!!! HEYROSS YYYEEESSS!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The Thunder Bay crowd in the arena watching all this on the AngleTron positively EXPLODE, as Felix Strutter leaps up in the middle of the crowd and pumps his fists. Rick Heyross does the same, as dirty looks are cast the duo's way from every corner of the room. WATTS Congratulations Felix. You're going to AngleMania! STRUTTER DAMN RIGHT! WATTS If you could make your way to the ring, you're in action next. Gentlemen, thank you all for coming. The Cowboy quickly makes himself scarse, seeing the dissapointment and anger of everyone but Heyross and Strutter at the last chance of going to AngleMania being taken away from them. Meanwhile Strutter jogs his way past the losers around him, ready to compete... NEXT! Commercial break