janusd

Four Way D@mnation In A Box, boys? Well, if I brought Janus back, I'd have to say Dace comes to mind first, mostly because as Dace said we still should have a big hardcore match, and it'd be fun. Aecas too, because he's my good buddy and I'd look forward to writing against him. A rematch with Frost would be nice, since word limit disqualification sucked. Other than that, a match against any of the main-eventers, just so I die trying to beat them. Tom, TBS, etc. Oh, and I'd like to have a match against G, just so I can job.

Double Jeopardy is so dead...as our promo of evilosity indicates. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough*

You mean you don't keep a copy of your stats on your computer at all times, TNT?

I think you mean the series of promos we did on the Sydney, Australia show of the JL World Tour. That's where we beat up Russ, anyway.

I believe that was "Scars of the Body". The most royally psycho promo I've ever done

Thoth vs Tom Flesher for the WF Title, where Thoth won. Showed he wasn't rusty and had the mad skillz to beat Flesher and break his winning streak.

Your soul is worth £7086 / $17,122.33 Australian. For your peace of mind, 89% of people have a purer soul than you.

19, 20 on November 8th Yeah, I'm four days older than Thoth. w00t. Go me.

Been a while since I actually predicted, so why not~ TAG MATCH The Unholy Trinity (Va’aiga & Dace Night) vs. Crow & Dante Crane ~ Crow and Dante, duh. SINGLES MATCH “The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Jay Dawg ~ Ex-M7 Pride~ Flesher with the win. TOURNAMENT SINGLES MATCH “The Judge” William Hearford III vs. Nathaniel Kibagami ~ Ex-Clan II Pride~ Kibs to kick Judge's ass. TOURNAMENT TAG-IN ELIMINATION MATCH “The Franchise” Mak Francis vs. “The Sacred One” Andrew Blackwell vs. Show ~ Ooo...I'll put my money on Muzz. TOURNAMENT TAG-IN ELIMINATION MATCH “The Sinner” John Duran vs. Quiz vs. Ejiro Fasaki ~ Hmm. Out of this lot? Ex-M7 Pride again~ Goooo Ejiro! MAIN EVENT – TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL TAG-IN ELIMINATION MATCH Apostle vs. “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. “The King of Nightmares” Michael Craven ~ DAN-E! DAN-E! DAN-E!

Muzz = teh (Y) May the Experiment come to fruition. And other cryptic crap.

And it's a year later. This time, Mike mentioned bukkake...

It's a great big white world... ...and it's a Dante Crane promo. *claps* Very nicely done.

Thoth. Is. God.

The waiting room of the Frood Psychoanalysis Institute is eeriely silent. At this time of night, there are not many people waiting to see the illustrious Dr. Frood. At her desk, the receptionist types diligently, writing reports on the various patients that the Institute has had. She doesn't even notice when the electronic doors register a visitor and slide open quietly. The loud *clump* of a heavy black boot gets her attention, though... ...as a dishevelled and completely furious looking Janus steps slowly into the building, still in his wrestling gear. The seven footer's waist and torso are wrapped in bandages with a bloody smear on one side, and while he limps with one leg, he stomps with the other as he glares at the receptionist. He takes a hoarse breath and growls out a single word as he approaches the receptionist desk. "Frood." "He's...uh...not taking...appointments at the moment..." The giant slams his fist into the receptionist's wooden desk with such force it leaves an indent, and just stares right through her, growling. He spoke again as the receptionist carefully picked up her phone. "Must talk...with Frood." "Uh...hello. Dr. Frood? You have a...visitor....I see, you're not accepting patients..." She looked up to inform her monsterous visitor of this, but Janus had moved on in his quest, making his way with ominous slowness down the hallway of the Institute, the hallway that he knew beyond a doubt lead to Frood's office. With a growl rumbling in his throat, the seven footer stops before the door with Doctor Frood's nameplate on it - within, he can hear the doctor talking to himself, and what Janus can't see is that Frood is signing several documents. The doctor sees a shadow moving at his door and opens his mouth to speak. "I'm not seeing..." *CR-AAAAAAACK!* "...anyone?" Standing framed in the doorway, with the door knocked half off its hinges and cracked down the middle from a brutal kick, stood the Hell Machine. Frood swallowed carefully and put on a false smile as the giant slowly limped into the room. "Ah, Mr. Janus. This is an unexpected meeting..." His red eyes almost glowing, the monster limped towards the desk. "Frood. Get this Terrence out of my head. NOW." Standing up quickly from his desk, Doctor Frood stepped away from Janus, as monster came to a stop on the other side of the doctor's desk. Finally, the psychiatrist spoke, his cultured voice nervous. "Well...you see, about that. I called a few people, we discussed things...." A long arm snapped across the desk and grabbed the front of Frood's plaid shirt. "You discussed WHAT?" *** Outside, next to the bronze Torana the giant always drove, another car pulled up. To be precise, a grey Honda Integra GSI 95. Stopping next to the Torana, three of the car's doors opened. On one side, the 'Sick Boy' Dante Crane emerged, and he in gentlemanly manner helped Jessica from the passenger seat of the car. Out of the driver's side, complete with smoking cigarette, was the man known as Markus Cirillo - Crow. "Markus, do we really have to be here?" Dante questioned. Exhaling slowly, the Antichrist Superstar looked once at the bronze Torana next to him, and then at the building ahead of them. "I'm here to make sure another friend doesn't destroy himself, Dante." With that, the man known as both Crow and Markus Cirillo began a march towards the Frood Psychoanalysis Institute. They were not to be alone, as what looked to be emergency vehicles were pulling into the Institute's parking lot as well. The situation regarding the Hell Machine wasn't just on their minds, it seemed. Dante frowned, but both he and the Antichrist Mistress followed their friend. *** Crow pushed open the ruined remanents of Frood's office door to see the seven foot behemoth holding the doctor up by the shirt, with an arm pulled back and ready to just pummel the thin little psychiatrist silly. Stepping carefully into the room, the Antichrist Superstar spoke a single word, that echoed across the distance. "Terrence." Almost as if by command, the seven footer dropped Frood and turned towards Crow with a growl on his face. "You. You made him talk...he's not shutting up...I'm going to HURT you now...and you can't stop me..." The Antichrist Superstar smiled and pointed off to the giant's left. "No, but they can." Through the other door of the room, came a flow of men in white suits, holding sedatives and leather restraints. With a vicious roar, the seven foot monster laid about with boots, punches and headbutts, taking down several of the men in white with a single blow. But like any cornered monster, the strength of numbers proves to be too much for the giant. After being injected with sedatives, Crow and Frood watch the Hell Machine get bound to a stretcher that barely accomodates his frame. The Antichristian Phenomenon is still holding his shoulder, and he and Frood continue both watch as Janus is wheeled from the room. "So...Doc. What was up with him?" Frood walks over to his desk as Markus lights up another cigarette. "Well...Mr. Cirillo. He suffered from a form of personality disorder, which had been developing in his mind for several years. If it wasn't for your help in keeping an eye on him and getting him out of that wrestling federation, it might've made his treatment much more difficult." "What can I say, Doc, I'm his friend, whether he believes it or not. If you don't mind me asking, who is he? Really, I mean." "Normally this sort of information would be classified, Mr. Cirillo. But since you aided in helping the poor fellow..." Frood dug through documents on his desk and picked one up. "His real name is Terrence Bailey. He was born in 1972, in a hospital in Sydney Australia. Healthy young lad. Loving parents, and a sister. Both of them were orphaned after troubles their parents ran into. That's all we really know about him..." "Poor guy." "Indeed, Mr. Cirillo." The sound of the door opening made both Frood and Markus turn their heads, as both Dante and Jessica walked into the room. Upon seeing her dear birdy, Jessica dashed across the room to hug her lover, who stroked her hair gently before exhaling the smoke from his cigarette and prying his girl from his waist. Still with cigarette in hand, he motioned across the room. "Dr. Frood. My good friend Dante Lucretia." "I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Lucretia. And who's this wonderful girl of yours, Mr. Cirillo?" Jessica shook Frood's hand lightly. "Jessica. Jessica Bailey..." "..." Fade to black.

Yes, I do live in Australia, WC. And I haven't been to school in months. I've been sitting on my ass being lazy, writing a multitude of things, and generally trying to avoid getting a job beyond my scriptwriting-for-the-online-comic thing. Thanks for the kind words, peeps, and when I'm no longer so burned out and can write good wrestling matches again, expect some sort of comeback. As long as I'm not just remembered as 'that guy who was bumped with MVS' -- teh Janus

12th August 2003: Moved to Archive Thread. Biography Edited. Smarks Board Name: janusd Wrestlers Name: Janus Height: 7'2'' Weight: 350lbs Hometown: Sydney, Australia Age: 30 Face/Heel: Heel Stable: None Tag Team: Thoth Ring Escort: None Weapon(s): Anything that comes to hand. If there's no rules, he tends to bring the Equalizer (a black, barbed-wire cricket bat) Quotes: "Confident. Cocky. Lazy. Dead." "You WILL feel my Rage Unleashed!" Looks - Ring Attire Janus always wears a pair of black boots and long black leather pants. His body is proportinately muscled for his seven foot frame, and on his hands he also has a pair of black fingerless gloves. He has long, shoulder-length white hair, that occasionally gets in his face. His green eyes are covered now, apparently with a pair of bright red contacts, making his eyes appear to glow. A small goatee graces his face, and a trio of long scars slashing across his chest completes his appearance. Looks - Backstage While backstage, Janus wears his usual black pants and boots, but drops the gloves and goes barehanded. He wears a deep purple shirt, that has a picture of him Rage Unleashing someone on the front. It's usually covered by his latest clothing addition - an ankle length white trenchcoat that matches his hair. On occasion, he will tie his long hair back behind his head to give himself a more dignified, but still monsterous appearance. Face Entrance The lights go out, and a spotlight settles on the stage as the gentle opening riffs of "As Darkness Falls" plays across the arena. The Smarktron shows a solitary figure standing in a room, looking out the window - occasionally changing angle. As the gentle riff turns heavy, lightning strikes outside the window to reveal Janus' face, yelling soundlessly along with the "ALLLLLLLLLLLL RIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" of the song. He steps out into the spotlight and walks towards the ring as the Smarktron flashes his name in a deep green colour, then switches through some of the devastating moves he's done so far in his career. He climbs into the ring from the apron and lifts his arms in victory, then waits for the match to begin... Heel Entrance Suddenly, the arena is plunged into darkness, and the crowd alternates between cheers and whoos into the darkness as the Smarktron shows an image of a young man, with his hair recently dyed white. As the strains of Fear Factory's "Resurrection" echo through the arena, cracks slowly begin to weave through the image, and blue pyros start fountaining up on either side of the ramp. Before Funyon can speak, the voice of Burton C. Bell carries through the arena. "Consumed with memories... That preceded today... Given a chance to bereave.. Life that's slipping AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" As the heavy riffs roar out of the speakers, the crack-riddled image explodes into fragments, revealing the face of Janus as he is now, with a scowl on his face. His name flashes up in green text, and it proceeds to play clips of some of his more brutal spots - interspersed with flashes of his name and "Magnificent Seven", as the giant steps out onto the rampway, lit only by a spotlight as Funyon lifts up his microphone. >Funyon Stuff< Janus stalks down to the ring, each set of blue pyros going out as he walks past them. Flexing his muscles, he climbs up onto the ropes and looks around the darkened arena before climbing into the ring and thrusting his arms into the air....and with a loud explosion, a pillar of blue fire explodes from each turnbuckle simultaneously as the lights come back on. Tag/Stable Entrance The arena goes quiet as the Smarktron shows nothing but a pure white backdrop, with blood dripping down it into what looks like a mirror. The lights on the stage, in the rafters, everywhere, begin to increase in intensity, obscuring all but the Smarktron. A voice begins to sing in soft Japanese. "Senketsu ni somaro mirai no toki Hageshiku modaeru honnou..." The blood almost completely fills the mirror on the Smarktron, and the beat of the song begins to pick up. Through the haze of blinding light, two silhouettes can be seen walking towards the ring - one small man dwarfed by a giant. Nothing but their black silhouettes can be seen, until the mirror on the Smarktron abruptly shatters. "BEAST...OF BLOOD!" And the lights return to normal except the ones around the ramp and ring, surrounding the forms of Janus and Thoth in a white haze as they stalked down the ramp side by side to the sound of Malice Mizer's "Beast of Blood". The Smarktron displays their most devastating moves and matches, as Funyon lifts his microphone. >Funyon< Climbing up into the ring, still surrounded by the white haze, Janus and Thoth turn their heads to look around at the crowd, until finally the light dies down to something manageable and "Beast of Blood" fades out... Stats Strength: 9 (Can throw almost anyone around with terrifying ease. Get into his weight range and it's not that easy, but he can still do it) Speed: 2 (He's no turbo-man. He relies on his power and resilience to see things through) Vitality: 7 (Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Hit him with all you have and he'll keep coming back. Especially if you let him rest) Charisma: 2 (He's good looking, for a seven footer. Just not the most motivated speaker. Actions speak louder than words) Style Power-based. Signature Moves Chokeslam (commonly leads right into a blatant choke) "Eternal Twilight" - Implant DDT Full Nelson Suplex "Knuckle Bomb" - basically a full powered, not-faked, pissed off megapunch to the face or body. Knockout blow to the head, or serious muscle cramps if he goes for the body. High-Angle Spinebuster The Gore "Hell Crush" - Arm-Capture Bearhug (He wraps his arms around their torso, pinning their arms by their sides, and attempts to just flat-out crush their ribcage) Common Moves Single Arm DDT Inverted Atomic Drop Pendulum Backbreaker Big Boot "Chaos Theory" - Gorilla Press Slam Whirl Sideslam Death Valley Driver Full Nelson Drop Shoulder Breaker (Laws of Janus Physics #1 - this move is always attempted as a crossbody/moonsault on standing Janus counter) Standing Legdrop Basic Head/Neck/Torso Submissions Sit-Down Powerbomb (Laws of Janus Physics #2 - this move is always attempted as a hurricanrana counter) Rare Moves During a #1 Contender/Title match, or big feuds, these become a little more common. Frog Splash "Darkness Falls" - Tombstone Piledriver from the top rope (After his European Title match, Janus noted that this move was very difficult to set up, and thus this has become a 'move of convienence', to be done if his opponent sits him on the top rope...you get the idea.) Finishers "Rage Unleashed" - Vertical Suplex into Sit-Out Tombstone Piledriver (Janus hoists them up into a vertical suplex, and then drops them into the Tombstone Piledriver, sitting out and pulverising their skull into the ground.) "Dark Bomb" - High-Angle Last Ride Powerbomb. (Janus tucks their head between his legs, and signals by slashing both hands across his throat. He then lifts them up onto his shoulders, elevates them into the air ala the Last Ride, but when he slams them down, the impact is entirely on their head and neck.) Notes Silent and taciturn, when enraged Janus is a force to be reckoned with. Despite being seven feet tall and packed with muscle, the Hell Machine has a sharp mind, with a killer instinct to match. He's very smart, but unfortunately he has the worst thing an intelligent person could have - an incredible temper. He's prone to snapping at the least provocation. All signature and rare moves can be match finishers if executed at the right time or onto something like a chair or concrete. Biography Janus had been on and off the wrestling scene several times in his career. Only the important points really stand out for him. A Sydney-born Australian, he learned soon enough that his size as he grew could be used to defend himself - not once did he ever bully people. He turned this into a skill, even learning some amateur wrestling during his high school days. He graduated and immediatley sought out a wrestling school, because the amateur stuff he had learned had whetted his interest - that and some part of him liked the concept of being a 'good guy' on TV. While he'd shown impressive talent, Janus had never gotten around much. He only got into two feds, both which had gone under sometime after his arrival, although not due to his presence. In both, his concept of being a 'good guy' was taken away as he was made to act as a heel. He found it interesting, but still preferred to be a face. Something happened though, something Janus didn't tell anyone. His tenure as a heel became more and more serious. He became more taciturn and aggressive in the ring. In his first fed, his career ended after he planted both the Dudleyz through tables with his stiff stiff stiff Dark Bomb. The second federation only egged on his aggressiveness and seemingly disturbed behaviour by putting him a "Ministry" type group. The federation saw it as a gimmick, but the group was very serious with their dark and gothic style. Something about it disturbed Janus, and after that fed went under, he left the wrestling scene for a while, although he did keep in touch for a short while with the "Ministry" leader. Some time later, Janus resurfaced on the wrestling scene, and went through several small indy feds to get rid of his ring rust. The only change was that he made very clear his lack of desire to be a heel. Then the Smarks scouter found him, and his test match was deemed a success, and Janus joined the ranks of the SJL. The seven foot, silent 'good guy' made his impact by working his way through the ranks, even capturing the European title off the long-reigning champion Ejiro Fasaki. However, Fasaki reminded the giant that just because one is a bad guy, does not mean one is evil. Following a loss to Ejiro and his Magnificent Seven partner Fugue, Janus received the respect of the champion, and his words that night seem to have struck something in the giant. This was proven on the show before the first SJL Pay-Per-View, as Janus stormed out after the Ejiro/Fugue and Johnny/Wildchild match to beat the hell out of the two WDN members, and thus showing his alignment with the Magnificent Seven. Janus has also broken fellow M-7 member Ejiro Fasaki's record for holding the European Title, before jobbing it to the up and coming Chris Card in order to continue his hunt for bigger and better things - the SJL World Title. After losing in an upset to Mike Van Siclen at the climax of the former World Title Tournament - which turned into him versus Mike due to the slacking off of other superstars, Janus attacked his following matches with a vengeance, no-selling alcohol to win a Smirnoff Showdown with Crow, and beating the hell out of Dace to get another shot at the SJL World Title. And on SJL Crimson, 27th February, Janus delivered a top-rope "Rage Unleashed" screwdriver to Mike Van Siclen in order to seal his victory and become the SJL World Champion. He lost the title to Mike in a "Caged Fury" Match two shows later, much to his chagrin. On SJL Crimson, March 13th, Janus wrestled his final SJL match. After that, he was bumped to the SWF, slated to appear against Mike Van Siclen once more at From the Fire....and destroying his opponent in that match. He has since found his niche in wrestling as a partner with Fugue, in the Magnificent Seven tag team "Instruments of Destruction." After an average win-loss record since being bumped, Janus made a mark on SWF Lockdown, April 9th, where he beat out Johnny Dangerous and Mike Van Siclen in a three-way match for the Hardcore Gamer's Championship, which had been vacated since Janus had assaulted the previous holder, the Wildchild. Janus lost the title to the newcomer Beezel soon after. After a series of attempts to take his title back, which failed, the Hell Machine finally cornered Beezel in a steel cage match at the SWF Battleground PPV, absolutely brutalising his smaller opponent and walking out victorious. Right after this match he appeared to go insane, and a familiar figure to many stalled his assault - Nathaniel Kibagami. In the aftermath of Battleground, Janus destroyed Dace Night while defending his HCG Title, but the High Priest of Horrorcore came back to haunt the giant by taking the HCG Title in a three-way match with Jaw Dawg. Robbed of his defending gold, Janus has turned his full attention to the problem of Nathaniel Kibagami. What lies in the future for Janus is uncertain, but as far as he is concerned, the SWF is his home. He appears to have entirely walked off the brink of madness, becoming an almost psychotic force of power, with a deadly mind behind it. At 13th Hour, his ties to Kibagami and the Clan were revealed, and he along with Thoth destroyed the man formerly known as Silent before leaving together. Forming an alliance with Thoth, the Hell Machine then turned his eyes towards a threat from the past... ...a former friend, the Antichrist Superstar. After goading the monster by speaking his 'real name', Crow made Janus take up his challenge of a Best of Five match. With battles ranging from singles to hardcore, tag matches to the infamous Iron Australian Knockout Challenge, the two superstars brawled, and at the spectacle known as SWF Ground Zero, they faced off in a Hell In A Cell Match for their careers. When it was all said and done, when the battle was over and the bell had been rung.... ...The Hell Machine had been retired by the Antichrist Superstar. He left the fed that night in a rage, and when he attempted to consult his psychiatrist Dr. Frood, was finally prescribed as 'unsafe for the world' and taken into a mental hospital where his condition is being treated....

To pull a Silent, I would have to have written nothing. I didn't. Now, getting banned from the computer for several days, on the other hand... :|

(Y) @ being unaffected. *flees before he's lynched by those that were*

Oh, is that so? *shoves a light bulb down Wildchild's pants and kicks him in the crotch* Bad bird! *plugs a light tube in, shoves it down Crow's pants and kicks HIM in the crotch* Ok. That's it. *lops off Janus' balls with this HUGE MOTHERFUCKING AXE* You can reach down far enough to do that?

Oh, is that so? *shoves a light bulb down Wildchild's pants and kicks him in the crotch* Bad bird! *plugs a light tube in, shoves it down Crow's pants and kicks HIM in the crotch*

(Y)

*insert maniacal laughter here*

Jesus holy fuck. Ruthless Aggression, while a RAW show, completely rocked. I'm not going to recap the entire thing like a TSM reviewer or anything like that, just give people a rundown on what happened and how cool it was to be there live. One of the referees kinda looked like Ric Flair, and he got a "WOO!" chant for it, so that was a funny note for the entire show. Got dropped off at the Sydney Superdome at around 6:45pm. Sat around outside with Peter (my brother) for about half an hour, before we decided to head on in. I fucked up almost instantly as I guessed - the electronic turnstile system confused my poor primitive brain. I still got through alright though, and then my brother and I proceeded to walk halfway around the Superdome looking for the door listed on our tickets. Once we found said door, we waited in line and eventually got in and were directed to our seats. We pretty much sat down and waited after that. To ease the pain, we got previews of Wrestlemania 20 for the Gamecube, RAW 2: Ruthless Aggression for Xbox, and Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain for Playstation 2. After these cycled a few times, we got a pair of fucking AWESOME music videos to pass the time...Evanescence's Bring Me To Life and Mudvayne's Not Falling. Both clips are awesomely done. After this we got a generic rockish theme and a faint "Fink" cry as Howard Finkel came to the ring and welcomed us to the arena. After the usual warnings, he said he wanted to introduce someone. "Oh! She's got legs~!" That's right, our first appearance of the night was Stacy Kiebler. Cheers from the crowd as she strutted to the ring and took the mic, also welcoming us to the arena and stating that it was good to be here. First of a number of great lines of the night, as she said that since she was Down Under, she wanted to show us what SHE had 'down under'. Catcalls from the crowd as she gyrated her hips, but she was interrupted. "I'm BACK! And better than ever..." We then get our first and only live look at Eric Bischoff, co-GM of the RAW Brand. After strutting down to the ring, he admonishes Stacy and says that if there's anyone who's going to get to see what she's got down under, it's most definitely going to be him. He stands there with this smug look on his face as Stacy shakes her head, and then *BOOM!* we get fire and red lights as Kane, towel on head and ugly-evil as ever, comes down to the ring. Bischoff says that if she doesn't like him, she can talk to his big friend...and Kane turns around, grabs Eric by the throat, and CHOKESLAMS him to a pop from the crowd. He then turns around and gets ready to chokeslam Stacy, but we're interrupted. "HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!" Scott Steiner runs down to the ring, and Kane releases Stacy and turns around. As Steiner gets into the ring and faces Kane, he stops dead. "This is a test..." Steiner then makes the fatal mistake of turning his back on Kane, who delivers a PAINFUL lariat to the back of Steiner's head before leaving the ring. The Big Red Machine walks up the ramp as Test comes down, and Stacy also leaves the ring. Test climbs into the ring to confront Steiner, and we have our first match of the night. Scott Steiner vs. Test: Nothing really of note impressed in this match. It looked like Test's big boot missed entirely at one point. And Steiner is a suplex machine...of sorts. Stacy interferes at one point and tries to slap Test, but he blocks and prepares to kiss her, and Steiner attacks from behind. Eventually, Steiner wins with his reverse DDT-thing. Winner: Scott Steiner via Reverse DDT-thing Steiner and Stacy then get a standing ovation - the first of many that night, as Steiner hits his catchphrase ("This goes out to all my freaks in Sydney! Big Poppa Pump is your hookup! Holla if ya hear me!") and Stacy poses on the ropes a few times before they head to the back. Howard Finkel climbs back into the ring and we're introduced to the next match. "...I'll show ya!" I missed the first part of the intro music, but we have the pink-tight wearing Stevie Richards coming down to the ring. He poses in the ring and on the ramp, and the crowd just boos the heck out of him and he looks confused. His opponent, coming down to the old, old Dudleyz music as always, is little 150 pound Spike Dudley. Stevie Richards vs. Spike Dudley: Amusing start up as Spike runs around the inside of the ring, getting the crowd all psyched up. Stevie controlled most of the match, even at one point hitting a SICK looking Death Valley Driver, but Spike made comebacks much to the CHEERING of the crowd, doing things like the top rope foot stomp, and his tackle-headbutt move, as well as run-stomping Stevie in the corner. Unfortunately for him Richards won with his legs on the ropes. Winner: Stevie Richards, legs on the ropes The psycho looking Richards got out of the ring and walked up the ramp - but all the attention was in the ring as Spike got a freaking standing ovation from the lovely Australian crowd. After little Spike has slapped hands with the fans and has gone backstage, we're introduced to the next match almost straight off the bat. "Helllllloooo ladies!" Val Venis~! He gets a HUGE cheer from the crowd as he comes down to the ring, walking around the ring and posing, doing his whole striptease-dance thing with his towel, before taking the mike and hitting his usual "Helllllloooo ladies!" line. This is another great line of the night, and I'll quote it straight from memory: ("The Big Valbowski is like a kitchen clock! You put two hands on him and he'll SURE AS HELL tell you the time~!") and got a HUGE cheer for that, before we were introduced to his opponent. "It's Evolution!" I'd like to point out that I agree that Evolution's music rocks, as we get Randy Orton, who also looks cool. He also seems to be the arrogant sort from what I saw - looking very smug about his appearance. He hops in the ring and we get our next match of the night. Val Venis vs. Randy Orton: Both he and Venis have a semi-posedown in the ring, and Val gets the most cheers. Match is then underway, with some nice armdrags by Venis throughout the match. HILARIOUS call from the crowd: ("Randy'll tell you what time it is!") that got us laughing. Val's Blue Thunder Driver (I think that was it) made everyone wince, but when he went for the Money Shot, Orton crotched him, then picked him up, bounced him off the ropes and hit the RKO for the win before getting out of dodge. Winner: Randy Orton via RKO Venis was out in the ring for a while, but cheering from the crowd got him on his feet, and after he did his pose in the ring, some lucky git in the crowd got his towel. Well, maybe not so lucky come to think of it. But anyway, we go back to the Fink as we get our next announced match of the evening. "Holla at ya, playa!" And we get Rodney Mack, who is unfortunately without Theodore Long. That would've made my night, I swear. He states that Teddy isn't there tonight because 'Whitey got ahold of him and he's getting medical attention' and then threatens to kill the whitey who comes out - from what we could hear, anyway. His opponent... "STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMIN' THROUGH!" ...gets a HUGE pop! The Hurricane comes out to the ring, posing on the ramp for the crowd, and also posing when he gets into the ring with Rodney. The big guy wants to go right NOW, but Hurricane is busy posing and the referee does NOT back the Mack~ and holds him back until his opponent is ready to go. Rodney Mack vs. The Hurricane: Mack slaps Hurricane, and the superhero backs into the corner and looks at the crowd, lifts his arms, and a massive "WASSUPWITDAT!" cry goes through the fans, which was excellent. Good match, with Mack getting a few power moves in on Hurricane, and everyone's favourite superhero countering with his usual offence such as the flying neckbreaker and his funny flying clotheslines. Shining Wizard attempt misses, Mack powerslams Hurricane to hell, but Hurricane gets him down, goes up top and hits the Overcast flipping neckbreaker, rolls to the corner, and comes back to nail the Shining Wizard for the victory. Winner: The Hurricane via Shining Wizard HUGE cheering for Hurricane at the end of the match, as like Spike before him he goes around the ring and slaps hands with the lucky bastards in the front row. While going up the ramp someone wanted a photo, so Hurricane just grabs him and poses - which looked hilarious - before heading up to the back. We get straight back into the thick of things with the next introduced match, involving TWO~ WWE divas! "I just lost my mind..." Fuck yes! We got Victoria! Accompanied by Stevie Richards, she comes down to the ring to her awesome intro music, and waits in the ring for her opponent. As far as I'm concerned it was pretty blatantly obvious who HER opponent was going to be... "It's time to rock and roll~!" Yep, it's Trish Stratus. She got a huge pop, just like Victoria did with her entrance, and poses with a few fans before getting into the ring. Victoria vs. Trish Stratus: Basic women's match. Good moves from both females, Trish hitting her marvellous handstand hurricanrana on Victoria, as well as the 'Chick Kick', neither of which got the pin thanks to Stevie's interference. Unfortunately, Richards tries to interfere one too many times and is stopped by Spike Dudley! The little guy knocks Richards out against the ringpost. Hilarious moment between me and the guy next to me, after Victoria low blows Trish. (Him: "Hahah! Broken pussy, broken pussy!" Me: "Broken pussy's still good!" Him: "But it's damaged goods!" Me: "Point") Widow's Peak attempt is blocked by Trish, and she nails the Stratusfaction bulldog for the one two three. Winner: Trish Stratus by Stratusfaction bulldog Victoria leaves with Stevie, glaring at the ring while Spike attends to Trish who appears to be as hurt as any diva after that match. They pose in the ring - and get yet another standing ovation from the crowd, who cheers for the entire match. I swear, we Australians just adore the wrestling...and Howard Finkel's next announcement gets a pop as he announces Raw's Tag Team Titles are on the line! Which means...yep, here comes the Frenchies, La Resistance. I can't really see the difference between Sylvian Grenier and Renee Dupree anyway. They hit the ring and talk to the crowd in French, before stating in english that during their Melbourne tour, they had been called 'wankers' and had no idea what this meaned, so 'no wanker chants'. This of course prompts a MASSIVE "WANKERS!" chant from the crowd, which seems to irritate them. But we have a match, and given this is RAW, we know their opponents. "Yeah! We're coming now!" God, Bombshell is a rocking song, as we get the Dudley Boyz! Both Bubba Ray and D-Von get a motherfucking standing ovation from the fans. They hit the ring and pose on the ropes, and some lucky git one row in front and off to my left catches the hat that Bubba Ray throws off his head. And then, finally, after much posturing and posing, we get underway! La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz - Tag Team Titles: Very, very amusing match, with consistent French insults from the crowd. Dupree and Grenier (whichever was on the apron) kept turning around whenever everyone started a "WANKER!" chant. The Dudleyz controlled most of the match, and I think it was Grenier in the ring who begged off Bubba and offered a handshake, and Bubba just gave him that thrusting-arm insult (HUGE crowd pop!). Back and forth through the match, one of La Resistance takes a 3-D, before the entire crowd starts up a "WE WANT TABLES" chant! A prolonged pause, and it's "D-VON! GET THE TABLES" time! Unfortunately, La Resistance puts a stop to this, CHEATING TO WIN~! by using the French flag! This causes a massive, and I repeat MASSIVE Bullshit chant from the crowd! Winners: La Resistance by CHEATING TO WIN~! After the match, La Resistance offer us a table, and I quote ("Let the French Resistance get you a table!"). They set it up in the ring, but Bubba Ray and D-Von are back up, and one of La Resistance goes over the top while the other one gets nailed with the flag! A pause in the ring...AND WE GET SUPERBOMB THROUGH A TABLE! MOTHERFUCKING HUGE CROWD POP! Bombshell rocks the arena as the Dudleyz pick a piece of the table and a fan from the crowd, to keep the table piece as a souveiner! They then go out into the fans, around, and back into the ring before heading backstage! We then get a lovely twenty minute intermission to stretch our legs. Here I found out my brother forgot his wallet and couldn't buy himself food or a drink or anything. He wanted to borrow my bankcard but I feigned deafness from the ROCKINGLY loud music, which was half true. So we got our lovely intermission, with promise of an UBER cool match after the break...and when we got back, oh yes..oh yes. "WOOOOO!" Massive cheering as Ric Flair comes out, despite the fact he's a heel. He struts down the ramp and into the ring, walking around and not doing the Flair Strut, sadly. His opponent is then introduced, for what I will swear by was the BIGGEST FUCKING POP OF THE NIGHT. "Oh! Oh! Shawn!" THERE IS A GOD! Everyone in the entire arena fucking marked out as "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels made his entrance! Huge cheering from the crowd as he poses on the ramp and in the ring, before he and Flair circle the ring and we get the bell! Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels: Motherfucking hilarious start to the match as they continue to circle each other. "Wooo"s from the crowd and various insults about Flair's age ("Geriatric!" "Don't break your hip!") prompt him to stop the match and grab a microphone, and by god does Flair rule when he rips on the crowd. (Flair: "You know, I'll take your wives home and show them what a real man is if you don't shut up!" *pause* "You there, fatboy, don't say a word!" *slight pause* "You paid to see it, not speak to it, so shut up.") The match itself was decent. Flair did his usual dirty evil heelish tactics, which worked like a charm. At one point Michaels stopped the match and posed with a few fans, which was cool. HILARIOUS moments included when Michaels bitchslapped Flair, and later on nailed an enzugiri - both of which Flair selled like absolute DEATH. We got to see the Figure Four, which prompted a competition chant between me and the guy next to me once again ("Break his leg!" "Turn him over!"). Michaels ended up reversing the figure four, and after nailing the Macho Elbow off the top, tuned up the band and nailed SWEET CHIN MUSIC~! for the three count. Winner: Shawn Michaels via Sweet Chin Music Heeeeeuggggggggggeee pop as Michaels poses in the ring, before slapping hands with the fans and heading backstage. I don't think I need to mention 'standing ovation' at this point, because it's been happening so much. Even Flair got a standing ovation and a lot of "Woooos" from the crowd. And the next match, announced as a tag match, is what I consider to be absolute justice and rule, as rockish music introduce the man whose heart beats for his peeps, Christian! Huge pop as he comes down to the ring, and we get his partner. "BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!" YES! YES! GOD YES! Chris Jericho! The King of the World comes strutting down to the ring, and before we get to their opponents, we get some lovely dialogue. Jericho and Christian together absolutely RULE on the microphone, I swear. (Christian: "I noticed that when I came out here, that all you Australians LOVE Christian!" *crowd cheer* "But you didn't seem so excited when my close personal friend Chris Jericho came out...so let's give him a big hand, for my close personal friend, Chris Jericho!" *crowd boos, and Jericho gets the mic* Jericho: "I don't have time to be talking too long to you Aussie assclowns, but I can see this sign over here. 'Chris Jericho, King of the Wankers. I don't even know what that means, assclowns!") This of course prompted a huge "WANKER" chant from the crowd. What was hilarious then is that while one side of the arena chanted that, the section I was in actually began chanting that "Fozzy Sucks", prompting Jericho to get on the mic again. This man is godlike. (Jericho: "You people over here, chanting 'Fozzy Sucks!' and you people over here chanting 'Jericho's a Wanker'! Make up your goddamn minds, will you!?") That quieted the crowd until we got to see their opponents, who according to Finkel are re-uniting for one night only...and were I watching this on TV, I'd get widescreen as we get a Shattered Dreams Production and Goldust emerges onto the ramp and strolls down to the ring! Everyone knows what this means as he climbs into the ring and his music is replaced... "CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!?" ...by that of Booker T! The pyros on the ramp nearly blind people given the darkness of the arena, though. And thus, once the master of the Spinaroonie and the current Intercontinental Champion gets to the ring, we have a match! Team Canada (Christian/Chris Jericho) vs. BookDust (Booker T/Goldust): Very good match here, Goldust was highly amusing when he 'spazzed out' and scared both Christian and Booker away. At one point Christian bounced on the ropes and slipped off and fell to the floor, that got some laughs. Hilarious moment as my section of the arena started up a 'Canada Sucks' chant at Jericho, who turned around while on the apron and FLIPPED US THE BIRD. Golden. We saw the Shattered Dreams on Christian, Jericho attempted the Lionsault on Booker and missed...and Team Canada wins the match after Jericho nails Booker with the IC Title. Winner: Team Canada (Christian/Chris Jericho) via CHEATING TO WIN~! Jericho challenges Booker for the IC belt, for Sunday's show at the Superdome, and I'm pissed that I'm not going. Cheer from the crowd at the challenge, but Jericho and Christian get a combined "Canada Sucks" and "Wankers" chant all the way to the back. Goldust checks on Booker, and the crowd starts up a chant for the Spinaroonie, unfortunately we don't get it as Booker looks to be hurt - or is just selling it really well - and heads to the back. Howard Finkel gets on the mike to pimp the games and merchandise, then announce the final event of the evening. "ONE OF A KIND!" Yesss...high-flying, hard-kicking (for a WWE guy), it's Rob Van Dam! He gets a huge cheer and an "R-V-D" chant from the fans, as he gets into the ring and hits his poses. It's a bit obvious for anyone who watches wrestling who his opponent at this point is going to be.....yep, there's the *BOOM* and here's Kane - bolded again cause he rocks - to come stalking down like a Big Red Monster and start the match. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane: Fairly short match, actually. RVD got his usual kicking spots in, after Kane beat him around a lot. They've got the Big Red Maskless Machine in no-selling mode, which is cool. After beating RVD up, the high-flyer gets revense with arrays of kicks and flying moves, landing the Rolling Thunder as well. Kane goes for aHe goes for a top rope martial arts kick but flattens the ref, and Kane goes for the chokeslam. Broken up with a low blow, Kane collapses and RVD then jumps back up for the FIVE STAR~! and hits it! But with the ref down, he can't do much...and Kane gets up, flattens him with a big boot, and then CHOKESLAMS his ass! The ref recovers.....but it gets a two count and Kane is PISSED! The poor referee gets a chokeslam for his troubles, and a second ref runs down to signal the DQ. Winner: Rob Van Dam, via Disqualification After that, absolute hell broke loose. Kane chokeslams the other referee and sets up RVD for another chokeslam...and Randy Orton hits the ring! Then Shawn Michaels! The heels and faces battle each other! Then Ric Flair comes down for the heel advantage, but he's countered by the appearance of The Hurricane! The three faces clear the ring for the end of the show, and Finkel pimps the merchandise and thanks us for being there~ Oh, and we got to keep the souvinier cushion that we sat on.

Go Silent.