Ace309

I loved writing submission matches, but I'm only saying that because it's commercial. I also got a kick out of the couple of ladder matches I was involved in, because they presented a challenge for the character and I had to figure out how to make him win in a match where he really wasn't supposed to. (Of course, he only won one. Grrr.)

Contract law isn't my strongest area (and I'm not a lawyer), but "everyday jobs" are, legally speaking, jobs that involve contracts. You might not sign anything when you get hired at Rite-Aid, but the phrase "working without a contract" doesn't mean what most people think it does. Even if we go with the strongest example and Dawn Marie's contract provided that she could be fired if she got pregnant, the provision would probably be thrown out as contrary to public policy. Dawn Marie is being quite reserved in only asking for the remainder of the contract as damages, and I'd imagine that if the E doesn't settle she'll probably win in court. The smartest thing would be to pay her off and chalk it up to the costs of, I don't know, honoring the contracts they negotiated in the first place.

Kaufman? I was hoping for the Memphis Eel.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… A SPECIAL EDITION OF THE SWF FAMILY-FRIENDLY LOCKDOWN FAMILY-FRIENDLY WORKRATE REPORT! Live and on-location by Tom Fleshmussen of the Burning Hammer Tape … Review, who is currently on vacation and therefore able to do this sort of nonsense! It’s been an interesting few days, loyal readers, and I hope that you’ll enjoy SWF Family-Friendly Lockdown as much as I did! As a proponent of the War on Christmas, I can’t in good conscience rate matches in stars anymore, not with those Three Wise Guys following one all the way to make the Baby Jesus cry, so in honor of the New Year…. TORU vs. Martin Hunt - TORU’s been getting a Buddha push over the past few weeks, and this match shows why. Martin Hunt is a welcome-wagon type, but he still BRINGS THE WORKRATE and TORU’s able to carry him to a pretty good one. … or not, in a glorified squash that ends with a TORU Hammer and a Shooting Star Press. TORU lost the Cold Front, but you have to keep in mind that he’s a tag wrestler first and foremost. RATING: 1 ½ FLAT BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE Zyon and Spike have a chat - Effective, at least as far as content between commercials for iPods goes. Max King and Kelly engage in a post-sex snuggle - It looks like Max King is trying to impose his superior talent on Landon Maddix and take the gold away from TKO. Will it work out? Only time will tell. Ghost Machine vs. Ced Ordonez - As much as Ghost Machine has traditionally, well, sucked, it was nice to see some good old-fashioned head trauma in this one. I wonder if Ced’s still got that concussion. RATING: ½ FLAT BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE (including ½-bottle bonus for appearance by Chris Belcourt) Chris Belcourt oils Ghost Machine - I wonder who this kid lost a bet to. Landon Maddix is in an astonishingly good mood. - He appears to have ingested several of the flat bottles of champagne. Kevin Coyote vs. Tim Dillon - Not a bad effort, especially considering the Rusty Vet versus Rookie dynamic going on here. Spotty, but not bad, and this Coyote kid has potential. RATING: 2 ½ FLAT BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE Aidan Redmond vs. Matt Myers - I think I lost my cable hookup during this one. Anybody? Anybody? Randy Beuhler? Bruce and Akira Spin The Wheel, Make The Deal - LIGHT TUUUUUUUUBES! This is going to be frickin’ sweet! JJ Johnson vs. Zyon, Cruiserweight Title - Excellent match, with great workrate on the part of both Johnson and the Unique Youth. Unfortunately, the seems-mandatory tainted finish has to cut this one down. RATING: 3 FLAT BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE Post-match - JJ JOHNSON SNAPS! This ROCKS! Let’s see some more of this shit!

... what the hell was that?

Feh.

1986, as I recall. It might have been 1984, too. April, I believe. I don't have the file anymore, but I got it once on a filesharing system. Interesting match.

Johnson, of course, also occasionally introduced Senators to his penis, which he called "Jumbo."

Bill Fillmaff died on his way back to his home planet. - Eds.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Blazenwing's response to Blank is here, FYI.

The opinion in the Dover case was released today. In it, the judge (John E. Jones III, a Bush appointee) found that teaching Intelligent Design in public schools is contrary to the Constitutions of the United States and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. It's a long opinion, but on skimming it seems very well-written (though I'm inclined to agree with the result regardless).

As always, I appreciate your style and ability to sell a match.

As long as you have absolutely no follow-up questions, including "Where'd you pull that from?" or "What do you mean, your ass?", Funyon's first name is now Albert.

I also love the Canadian Tuxedo. Best of luck!

And the bastard pleads guilty: I'm glad to see this resolved by a plea and not going to trial. There's something about that whole 'sanctity of marriage between a rapist and his child bride' nonsense that makes me not trust a jury to see this for what it is.

Um, guys? "The Tet Offensive?"

It's spelled "Chanukkah," actually. - Tom, goyische student at a Jewish law school

Arm bar.

As long as you have absolutely no follow-up questions, then yes. - Tom, who has to worry about passing a character and fitness review for the bar in two years.

Must resist urge to write 3000-word squashes and defile title belts...

Double champs are acceptable if the titles are in different divisions. International and World, for example, are both standard singles titles, so you wouldn't be able to hold both of them at the same time. Cruiserweight and World, on the other hand, are different divisions (one's a standard title, and one's restricted to cruisers), as are World and Hardcore.

Please be advised, I retain my title as Chief Justice; however, I am now little more than a figurehead. (Heh. "Now.")

I'm sorry, I just figured you'd let a retarded monkey type up stats for you, since they're so bare as to be difficult to work with. For the record, I forwarded them along to Mike with a note that said "Do with these what you will." Apparently, he did. Regards, TMF

Unfortunately, when my computer died while I was attempting to cover your ass, it ate what 5000 words I had written of the match.