Jingus

Thing is, I know how the fakes do it. I've done it myself on occasion, like IDRM said, just to fuck with people. (I do it professionally, sorta: as a wrestling announcer, your entire job is to get the audience to ignore the shoot and believe the work.) I'm the kind of guy that magicians hate cuz I sit there in the audience pointing out exactly how half the tricks are performed. And I know exactly how gullible most people who believe in real magic really are. They either want to believe so badly that they can't be talked out of it, or they're former skeptics who ran into some trickster who was really damn good at faking it. But trust me, the two or three people I'm talking about here (I say "or" cuz I'm still not sure about one of them) couldn't have possibly been faking their shit in any way.

Why are all these arcade collections always so damn lame? No matter how many games they cram on there (usually far less than they could actually fit on modern software), there's never more than a couple that I'd actually want to play, and usually I've never even heard of half of them.

...so you're saying that a male prostitute who got into the White House under a fake name with fake credentials with the explicit purpose of asking biased questions is better than a real journalist working for a real newspaper... just because you don't like her opinions?

Hell, that's a step up for Dusty. At least he doesn't still think it's 1985.

Wasn't my choice, blame her, it's her website. I can't watch it on my computer either.

A vignette we shot for my wrestling TV show. It's filled with bad acting, obscure in-jokes, and xmas songs so bad that Nat King Cole's decaying skeleton is probably stalking me even as I type this. Enjoy.

It's very rare, but it can really happen. People of other belief systems might call it psychic abilities, or miracles, or whatever. Basically it's any strange occurance that can't be explained by contemporary science. I've met a few individuals who could project their thoughts like telepathy, light fires with their bare hands, stuff like that. But like I said, it's damn rare, and for every person who can really do it there's about a thousand imposters and wannabes who just claim they can.

Driving tests mostly depend on the individual instructor. Some will take you out for a 5-minute trip and pass you as long as you don't directly cause any accidents. Others will ride your ass for an hour while looking for any possible excuse to fail you. It's mostly just luck.

Some of these are so damn hilarious, it's almost impossible to pick just one favorite... but the running commentary provided by the guy who runs the website does help. And then there are all these, some of which are so ridiculous as to defy any possible explanation: Aw, come on, it's just fucking AQUAMAN, kick his ass Jimmy! Superboy's a pimp. (The bad kind) I never thought I'd be glad to have MY stepdad. Is there any phrase more pathetic or helpless than "Here's my life savings!"? Weird how movies from Breakdown to Charlies Angels 2 have ripped this one off. Jimmy is so good at plaintive whining that you almost feel bad for him. Really. For a COMIC BOOK CHARACTER. You can kinda guess the real plot here, but still, damn Superman is a dick. Why is an alien like Superman such a racist? Supes must WANT Jimmy to stay poor. Superboy is an even bigger dick than his future self. See what I mean? Batman's a dick, too. Considering how often shit goes down in the comic universe, how did mankind survive BEFORE Superman? Nightman looks like Nite Owl. Aw come on, Robin's already gay, you wanna make him anorexic too? Notice that Superman's already pulled the trigger. You'd think Batman would just say, "Stop it, Clark". Make your own Dr. Strangelove joke here. Supergirl is stealing my gimmick. And finally, these two have been mentioned before, but they're by FAR the best ones here.

Kewl. But... will it work on a Mac?

Meh. I've lived in Tennessee my whole life, yet still have no accent. I win.

One should realize the gayness of Old Navy merely from watching their commercials. (Or I might be thinking of "gheyness". I'm easily bamboozled ever since I picked up this death curse.)

It musta been a bulldyke.

I read the Book Of Lies, and I want my $20 back. (Which isn't something I'd say about The Satanic Bible, at least Lavey makes his bullshit entertaining.)

Use X, worked for a girl I knew just a couple months back. Jingus: karmic leper since 2004.

And oh yeah, since nobody else has made the obligatory comment, I might as well: I've got a crisp new $20 for anyone who beats the living shit out of whoever wrote all the ridiculous rules this school enforces.

The worst? Staunchly self-righteous Wiccans. Ya know, the type who Really Believe their magick works, BLESSED BE LOL. They'll ambush some poor unsuspecting Christian with harpy-like shrieking about how Your Ancestors Burned My Ancestors At The Stake and other crap. (There are really people out there who can do real magic, btw. But 99 out of 100 so-called witches have no power whatsoever.)

How's that? Rush does nothing but recite standard right-wing rhetoric. All he does is give hardcore conservatives someone to nod in agreement with while they're listening to the radio. He is nothing but a disk jockey, essentially. He has no special political background or experience. He has no more right to speak on political issues than any other schmuck off the street.

William Regal. Fuck this slow, boring, non-stiff jobber. I want the sociopathic antichrist of technical wrestling that was Steven Regal back.

Emulate me. You get to maim, mutilate, and murder things just by being near them, it's great. Plus you get turbo-tongue cunning linguist powers.

Nah, just pee.

Sorry I called out on this, but seems like you guys did fine without me, plus my mom likes her new stitches better than those old "we're too good to hold together and not pop out of her skin!" old stitches anyway.

I have to wonder just what kind of person would willingly send their child to a school like this. Who in their right mind thinks that this environment is fun or educational? As to the "people only CHOOSE to go there of their own free will" argument: WRONG.

Wow, you really DON'T get humor. Weird thing: I heard StrongBad too. (And for the alien's voice, I hear the same one that I imagine for Bucky the Cat in Get Fuzzy for some reason.)

Waaaay back somewhere in this folder, somebody posted a link to a website where most of Moore's run on Miracleman was posted in html format. You might try searching for it, but it was over a year ago at least. Has anyone ever read the Neil Gaiman issues of MM? Were they any good?