Dogbert

Well, that's it. Any hope should be tossed by the wayside now.

The reason they haven't gone after NK is basically because nobody outside of it knows anything that's going on in there. It's basically a closed cell, with not much info getting in and out of it. Iraq was based off of bad intelligence reports: that was enough to justify an attack. When it comes to North Korea, I don't think the government has anything to go on.

This week on Smackdown... "Ladies and gentlemen, JBL has just lost his WWE Title to Michael Cole!"

If they want to get snowed on, then they can book McMahon Stadium. Seriously, it's a dumb idea. They'd have to go with the Saddledome or nothing.

Weren't there reports of the pressure getting to him before he dropped the belt to JBL? If so, then it was probably the best move, regardless of who makes the better champion.

One of these years, Miroslav Satan will be traded to the New Jersey Devils, and hilarity will ensue. On-topic: Winnipeg Blue Bombers' offensive lineman Charles Assmann.

Hogan just realizes what everyone who watched last year's Cup final can bear witness to: his daughter can't carry a tune in a bucket, and will fail miserably unless he personally steps in and makes her career work. As for Hogan in the Rumble, meh. As long as he doesn't win.

Think that's bad? His dad's name is B.J. Annis.

Well, they're meeting AGAIN on Wednesday. What, could Linden not get his private golf course cleaned off that day?

I never intended to contract the Rangers. I was just naming a team that I think could be in trouble in the coming years.

It only happened eight months ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday: Peter Maher's call of the overtime winner against Detroit that put the Flames into the WC finals. "The puck's in the left corner of the Red Wings' zone, and the Flames have it... Conroy goes behind the net, and he's wrapped up by Lang. The puck into the left corner for Iginla... Iginla with the shot, Joseph save, rebound... THEY SCORE! YEAH BABY! YEAH BABY! MARTIN GELINAS SCORES! THE FLAMES WIN IT, 1-0! YEAH BABY!"

I based my assumptions on the Ducks several ways. First of all, this was the first year in a while that the Ducks did not finish in the bottom 5 in attendance. Even then, the team couldn't average 15 000 seats sold a game, a mark reached by 70% of teams. Descriptions of the Pond during home games were also a factor, as it has been described as hardly having 10 000 in attendance. While this is happening, the Kings are averaging nearly 18 000 a game. This showed me that, in the battle for attention between the Ducks and Kings in two very close markets, Anaheim is losing badly. The team needs a franchise player to get the market running again, and Sergei Fedorov isn't it. Worse, none of their high-end draft picks, such as Ryan Getzlaf and Ladislav Smid, have the potential to bring that "It Factor" to the Ducks. Add it up, and this team's in trouble.

It was 2:00 am, and I was tired. I figure that the WHL team would move elsewhere and the NHL team would be free to pick up the name.

I agree with redbaron: the NHL needs to make its on-ice product more exciting. In my opinion, that will get the attention of the American fanbase, who are fans of fast-moving, high-scoring sports. First of all, rule changes need to be made. The centre-ice red line needs to be scrapped, allowing for more breakaways and quick rushes up-ice. Tag-up offsides need to be installed: no more defenses stalling with the puck in their own zone until next Christmas just because some twit was half an inch offside on a dump-in. Third, it's time for the ties to end. Let's have a shootout if teams can't do it in OT. Secondly, some teams just plum ain't working out: meanwhile, some cities are dying for a professional team. Let's revise the league and see which ones can go... CAROLINA HURRICANES: Gary goofed here. PHOENIX COYOTES: Ditto. NASHVILLE PREDATORS: Encore. ATLANTA THRASHERS: D.S. al Coda. MIGHTY DUCKS OF ANAHEIM: Are competing with the older and better Kings for attention, and losing in a walk. FLORIDA PANTHERS: One team in "America's Wang" is enough. PITTSBURGH PENGUINS: Super Mario's putting himself in the poorhouse trying to keep the Pens afloat. Still have no money, no franchise player and an arena that's so bad that they may as well flood the parking lot and play out there. Time to say bye-bye to Steeltown until City Council figures it out and pays for a new building. There are a few fringe teams out there who will be fine for now, but may find themselves on the list in the future: SAN JOSE SHARKS: Are doing great in Silicon Valley, but the location is the reason for it: the migration south to SJ after the dot-com explosion in the late '90s created thousands of new Sharks fans. Aren't in any sort of trouble now, but could be if failed Northern dot-commers start heading back to whence they came. TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING: Had to give away tickets to their first-round playoff games... and they finished first in the conference. As long as they keep winning, the fans will come, but if they run into money troubles and have to sell off stars like Khabibulin, Lecavalier and St. Louis, sayonara. NEW YORK RANGERS: Okay, I wanted a 10th "trouble team", and this is a stretch, but you wonder how long New Yorkers are gonna put up with shitty hockey and non-playoff teams before they either start attending more Islanders games, or developing a sudden interest in the Knicks. Bottom line, they need to get better. Now that the axe has fallen, we need to start adding teams in cities that want them. WINNIPEG, MAN: Winterpeg has been hockey-crazy since the start, and now that the state-of-the-art MTS Centre has been completed, they need a team to go with it. Should never have lost the Jets. HOUSTON, TX: Incredibly, hockey has found itself a fairly decent niche in the Lone Star State, and a state that large needs another team. A Stars-Houston rivalry writes itself. SEATTLE, WA. or PORTLAND, OR: These two cities pack thousands into their arenas to see WHL teams: an NHL team in one of them would do good business, and a rivalry with Vancouver could form due to proximity. SASKATOON, SSK: Canadian, population of 250 000+, 16 500-seat arena, every other source of entertainment in Saskatchewan is closed after 5 pm, and it's not Moose Jaw. Why not? FARGO-MOORHEAD, ND-MN: Don't laugh: any city between Wisconsin and North Dakota with more than 200 000 people in it could support an NHL team better than half the current NHL cities can. MILWAUKEE, WI: Ditto. So, say we get rid of the 7 hopeless teams and one of the fringers (say Tampa, because, well, I'm a bitter son of a bitch). That leaves us with 22 cities that want teams. We add a new Pittsburgh team in there down the road, once the city gets it together, and... let's say Winnipeg, Houston and Seattle. That leaves us with this scenario: EASTERN CONFERENCE Atlantic Division Philadelphia Flyers New York Rangers New York Islanders Washington Capitals New Jersey Devils Pittsburgh Penguins (Columbus Blue Jackets) Northeast Division Columbus Blue Jackets (Milwaukee Golden Eagles) Montreal Canadiens Ottawa Senators Boston Bruins Buffalo Sabres Toronto Maple Leafs Detroit Red Wings WESTERN CONFERENCE Central Division Minnesota Wild Chicago Blackhawks Houston Aeros St. Louis Blues Winnipeg Jets Dallas Stars Pacific Division Vancouver Canucks Calgary Flames Edmonton Oilers Colorado Avalanche Los Angeles Kings San Jose Sharks Seattle Thunderbirds These measures accomplish: - cutting of losses incurred by teams in bad locations - concentration of talent pool - installation of the game in cities that want it, thus, higher revenue - more fast-paced action - a winner decided in every game If these could get people interested in hockey again, there may be no need for a cap.

If these new talks produce anything (and I hope to God they do), then we won't need to do that.

They could call it the Meat Missile. It'd be awesome.

Oh, what will I do without Dave Barry?

Sucks to hear about Jesus. That's a crappy thing to have happen right when you finally make it to the big time.

There's a fairly old one out there for Fleetwood Mac. It's something like Legacy: A Tribute To Fleetwood Mac's Rumours, and it's fairly decent. It has an Elton John version of Don't Stop that I like a lot.

No, Canadian-born referees led the Lightning to the Cup. I guess we can be kings of that too.

One word: Boobies. Thank you, come again.

Maguire does tend to mumble, but the guy flat-out knows his hockey, and I like him. Plus, he drools over Dion Phaneuf almost as much as I do. Damn, I cannot wait to see him wearing the flaming C.

Yeehaw. We are the kings of hockey: there can be no doubt now. Sidney Crosby > Alexander Ovechkin.

I don't mind if Benoit gets knocked down a peg, as long as it's to further a possible push for someone who's new, over and a lot more talented than we've ever collectively given him credit for. Benoit's spot near the top of the totem pole is secured, and his losing to Batista only serves to help get the big lug there as well. It seems like the writers may finally be getting the message. Also, I saw the announcers' selling of Batista breaking the Crossface as good for Benoit, as it reinforces what a hard hold it is to break. It's like someone breaking Bret Hart's sharpshooter: it didn't happen often, and was special when it did.

I don't care what anyone says: my pick for the Cy Young this year is Roy Halladay of the Toronto-Scarborough-Oshawa-Oakville-Guelph-And-We-Might-As-Well-Include-The-Rest-Of-Canada-In-Here-Because-Baseball-Fucked-Us-Out-Of-Our-Other-Team Blue Jays.