Smartly Pretty

If I can't get the tickets to the local show, I could go to the one in Orlando just a few hours away, but that show is 18 and over. Is it difficult for a 16 year old to get into an 18 and over show? Do these places actually check?

If tickets to a concert are sold out, how can I go about acquiring them? Ebay and craigslist were no help.

Ugh, damnit. I think I jinxed it. Howie Rose just gave us the exact number of games it's been, but still no Mets no hitters.

Mike Pelfrey, guys.

Carlos Delgado hasn't exactly been lighting the world on fire lately.

"What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here."

I wouldn't wear athletic shorts in middle school out of fear of a public erection.

Carlos Delgado busts out the bunt down the third base line on the overshift play. Cool. I like that play.

If I were to murder somebody, I'd take a bunch of different people's hair from their combs and sprinkle them all over the crime scene.

I have a Verizon phone. It now displays the word "Car Kit". It makes noise no longer, and I can't be heard or hear phone calls. Please help me. Oddly enough, text messaging works.

We didn't trade for him so he could hit. He's done his job pretty well so far.

Might as well get in on one of these.

Anyone have an answer as to what Dr. Kelso was doing back in charge?

Am I the only one young enough to have seen Joshua Toole on Channel One? I swear to God he was high when he delivered the news.

Maybe this is retarded, but what about Sandy Alomar Jr.? Catchers know a ton about pitching, and I think he's our catching instructor or something.

I was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade, and our school had an A Capella Boy Band come to the school to perform a concert. Our thousand year old music teacher, Mrs. Johnson, said that she though Ball In The House was going to be huge one day. They released a single about George Washington's hat. Their shining moment was a clorox commercial or something. I guess the demand for A Capella Boy Bands just wasn't what it is today. Mrs. Johnson was a character. Her whole family was weird actually. My brother Jeremy worked with her son Kirk at a video rental place. Kirk was 30 something, but he lived with Mrs. Johnson. Sometimes my friend and I would go to the video store after school just to hang out with Jeremy and observe Kirk (I've been facsinated by the idea of people watching my entire life). Kirk would flirt with any customer in the store who happened to have a vagina and wasn't his mother. He had a moustache that made him very difficult to take seriously. Anyway, what was I talking about. Mrs. Johnson! On parent night or whatever, my parents stumbled into Mrs. Johnson, and asked where like, the art room was or something, and I don't know what she said exactly because I wasn't there but apparently she snapped at them. Her presence actually made my little brother physically ill. She's probably dead now.

There's a girl in my French class who's a big Iron and Wine fan. I think I love her.

I don't have any money, and can't really help you, but good luck with the bills man.

Awwww.

Tell us innocent stories from your early childhood.

Like a breakfast cereal.

Does anyone in the entire world have more embarrassing facial hair than Crosby? At least Scott Spezio had the testosterone to HAVE facial hair to make his absurd. Crosby just looks like the kid who sits next to me in math class.

I like granola now. I used to only eat it in the form of a bar, but now I enjoy granola in all incarnations.

I love Pete Dohrety too, man. Me too.

How the FUCK is that not a double fucking minor. EDIT: and then they send Jagr to the box. Fuck this.