the top ten quotes of all time

[Karnage 0]

HHHello.

[Guest MikeSC]

Jericho, to The Rock, Smackdown, January 2002:

 

"No! This is not a joke! I am not a joke! I am serious! And you will not look past me, you stupid son of a bitch!"

 

 

GOLD!

Hey, a reference to my sig. YAY!

 

Anyhow, a few choices:

 

 

Jim Cornette: When Dusty's little daughter puts her head on his chest, she doesn't hear the heartbeat of America. She hears the burrito he had for lunch that day."

 

 

Mick Foley: I was a 3-time WWF World Champion and I never got my own dressing room.

 

Christian: That's because you never changed your clothes.

 

Edge: Yeah, you just wrestled in what you wore.

 

 

Edge (on commentary): Ooh, I love the camoflage. Oh, look, there are clothes walking around the ring.

 

 

DDP: Undertaker, I'm beggin' ya! Make me famous!

 

 

Kurt Angle (to some students): We all know where this is going. If you want to suck on something, suck on this (hands them a lollipop).

 

 

Kurt Angle: What about Essa Rios? It's always the quiet ones! (during Foley's investigation of the car that hit Steve Austin)

 

 

Kurt Angle (to Kaientai): I'm the King of the Ring. I suppose in your country, I'd be the head ninja.

-=Mike

[DangerousDamon 0]

Jeff Jarret: Watch out you Jurassic Slapass.

 

 

Gene Okerland: WHAT? Blow it out of your ass, Jarret!!

[Placebo Effect 0]

Jimmy Baron is in the back at a pay phone.

Baron: "It's time for the Road Report and I forgot my cell phone one."

The Perfect Event come in.

Chuck: "Dude, it's imperative you use 1-800-Call-ATT."

Jimmy: "You're right."

The Road Report then comes on like normal.

Baron: "Thanks guys. Mission accomplished thanks to 1-800-Call-ATT."

Stasiak: "Dude, take mine. But I never want to hear that you lost your call phone again. It's getting old."

Palumbo: "Dude..."

Kanyon then gives him a Kanyon Cutter!

 

This was from a 2000 Thunder, and was a complete spoof of those terrible 1800-CallATT Road Report things.

[Youth N Asia 0]

Kurt Angle (to Kaientai): I'm the King of the Ring. I suppose in your country, I'd be the head ninja.

I don't have it word for word, but it's something like this.

 

Kurt to Taka & Funaki: "I am King Kurt. In Japan that's similar to your emperor, warlord, or head ninja."

 

Taka & Funaki: "Head Ninja?"

 

Kurt: "Gee, you guys catch on quick."

 

Hardcore Holly: "They're not stupid! They're Japanese!"

 

***

HHH: "I'm bi a lot of things, but lingual isn't one of them...did I mean to say that?"

 

***

Angle: "Undertaker, if that is your REAL name..."

 

***

Shane Douglas in ECW after tearing his shirt: "Fuckin' Hogan, that was easy as shit."

 

***

TAJIRI AT THE HOSPITAL

 

Tajiri: "I'm rooking for Maven."

Nurse: "And his last name?"

Tajiri pounds desk: "NO RAST NAME! JUST MAVEN!"

 

***

Benoit: “I beat you two straight times."

Angle: “Yeah well, I’ve got more teeth than you!"

Benoit: “I’ve got more hair than you!

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

"Here comes 1/2 of the love triangle... "

-Michael Cole

[CanadianChris 0]

A few more...

 

"Hey, my chicken suit!" -- Kurt Angle

 

"If you put an 's' in front of Hitman, you get my exact opinion of Bret Hart!" -- Steve Austin

 

"Nature Boy, whats that? Do you run around the forest like Euell Gibbons, eating bark or something?" -- Roddy Piper

 

"Thats where he had the word "Goodyear" dermabrased off." -- Jim Cornette on Dusty's splotch

 

"When we're done with you' it'll look like we set fire to your face and put it out with an axe!" -- Road Warriors

[Guest I Fear Hogans Air Guitair]

"What a sick freak...*HOOOONK!*"

Yep that's my personal favorite to along with Fuck it.

[2GOLD 0]

"The winner of this match is on his way to Wrestlemania 14!"

-Michael Cole.

 

The reason this is a excellent quote is cause they were headed towards Wrestlemania 13 and Cole was constantly proving himself to be a moron.

 

And the more I see of those Angle quotes, the more I realize how much fun he used to be.

[bradolson 0]

"Nature Boy, whats that? Do you run around the forest like Euell Gibbons, eating bark or something?" -- Roddy Piper

A lot of people talked about Flair's nickname. I think it was Austin who said something to the effect of "why do they call you the nature boy? do you like nature? do you like boys?"

[kirk angel 0]

"I'm bi a lot of things, lingual isn't one of them.  ...Wait, did I just say that?"

 

Triple H, KOTR 98

Also when he's testing the mic after an encounter with the Rock... "Testies testies one two one two."

I believe it was: Testies testies one, two... three?."

That was from an episode of Beavis and Butthead

[ChrisMWaters 0]

From WrestleMania 8...during Hart/Piper

 

Heenan: I remember when I was Champion, Monsoon.

 

Monsoon: Champion of WHAT?

 

Heenan: ...of my neighborhood.

[DMann2003 0]

KOTR93

 

Okerland- Did your dads ever meet

 

Bret-Yeah they met and my Dad beat his Dad.

Perfect- Your Dad never beat my Dad!

[Guest BDC]

Quote from Foley when he spoke at my school:

 

"...and when I won the WWF title, and yes, I won the WWF title, screw the pandas..."

[razazteca 0]

Fair to Flair.

[JHawk 0]

A few gems from Jim Cornette:

 

"I've been training hard for this match with Baby Doll. I've done pushup, I've done situps, I threw up twice but I'm OK now..."

 

"Tom Zenk was going to pose for Playgirl magazine, but the pictures came back underdeveloped."

 

"Rick Steiner is so stupid, he stayed up all night studying for a urine test."

[The Metal Maniac 0]

"I'm an olympic hero!"

"No, you're a jackass."

"I'm a hero!"

"Jackass!"

"HERO!"

"JACKASS!" - Stone Cold and Kurt Angle

 

"BUT WHO'S SIDE IS HE ON?" - Bobby Hennan, Bash '86

 

Oh, and that one Battle Royale from an old WCW PPV...something '96...I don't recall what, but where Dean Malenko made his comeback to win the Cruiserweight strap. The whole bit with Jericho introducing everyone is GOLD. I can't remember it all, but:

 

"Here's Silver King...15 more wins and he gets upgraded to Gold King"

"This is Damien...he can't afford a mask, but he's saving up, don't worry..."

"From El Paso Mexico..."

[Jobber of the Week 0]

The scene: Hulk slammed and pin Andre. As they say in the commercials, "the world stood in awe." Then suddently Jesse Ventura mouths off with:

 

"You know, Gorilla, I might have to come out of retirement and win that World Title."

 

 

And a JR-ism:

"Van Dam just grabbed the stars and bars... Er, stripes."

Edited December 18, 2003 by Jobber of the Week

[Vern Gagne 0]

I love the quote Hogan had about caring Donald Trump on his back.

[Golgo 13 0]

Oh, and that one Battle Royale from an old WCW PPV...something '96...I don't recall what, but where Dean Malenko made his comeback to win the Cruiserweight strap. The whole bit with Jericho introducing everyone is GOLD. I can't remember it all, but:

 

"Here's Silver King...15 more wins and he gets upgraded to Gold King"

"This is Damien...he can't afford a mask, but he's saving up, don't worry..."

"From El Paso Mexico..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants..."

 

"Hold on just one second here, David Penzer you unintelligible, moronic, high-voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they'll never win it), but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here..."

 

"Coming out first from... Sunchimilko, Mexico? You'll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning, maybe."

 

"Next, from El Paso, Mexico. This guy used to be a great bar tender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills. He is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. Maybe a two in ten chance of winning."

 

"Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!"

 

"Then we got Damien. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that."

 

"Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look alike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy."

 

"Coming out next is the... feather weight pacer champion? El Grillo."

 

"Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra."

 

"A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen!"

 

"Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show."

 

"This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Evan Koragias, ladies and gents."

 

"Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!"

 

"And of course we've got Psychosis. He's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show."

 

"This guy is Silver King. If he wins twelve more matches he'll be upgraded to Golden King."

 

"This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny Sss... Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven't. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance."

 

"And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62. From the Villano family, he is Villano IV."

 

"Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royale. I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will ever ever beat me for my belt!"

[CanadianChris 0]

The scene: Hulk slammed and pin Andre. As they say in the commercials, "the world stood in awe." Then suddently Jesse Ventura mouths off with:

 

"You know, Gorilla, I might have to come out of retirement and win that World Title."

Did he say that after the Andre match? I know he said that after the Savage match at WM V.

[haVoc 0]

Here's some old Lawler quotes and Jericho nic names.

 

Jericho

 

Lawler

[King Cucaracha 0]

A few gems from Jim Cornette:

 

"I've been training hard for this match with Baby Doll. I've done pushup, I've done situps, I threw up twice but I'm OK now..."

 

"Tom Zenk was going to pose for Playgirl magazine, but the pictures came back underdeveloped."

 

"Rick Steiner is so stupid, he stayed up all night studying for a urine test."

The funniest one from Corney was about Dusty Rhodes' birthmark.

 

"That's where he had the word "GOODYEAR" dermabrassed off."

[Guest NCJ]

I always liked Cornets promos with Nash and HBK leading to the aborted Yoko/Owen match for all the Belts.

 

"The bigger they are the harder they fall and the littler they are the farther they fly."

 

"Were going to put something on you that AJAX couldn't get off."

 

Cornet said some stuff that was pretty lame, but at the same time it was still funny.

[CanadianChris 0]

A few gems from Jim Cornette:

 

"I've been training hard for this match with Baby Doll.  I've done pushup, I've done situps, I threw up twice but I'm OK now..."

 

"Tom Zenk was going to pose for Playgirl magazine, but the pictures came back underdeveloped."

 

"Rick Steiner is so stupid, he stayed up all night studying for a urine test."

The funniest one from Corney was about Dusty Rhodes' birthmark.

 

"That's where he had the word "GOODYEAR" dermabrassed off."

Ahem...

 

A few more...

 

"Hey, my chicken suit!" -- Kurt Angle

 

"If you put an 's' in front of Hitman, you get my exact opinion of Bret Hart!" -- Steve Austin

 

"Nature Boy, whats that?  Do you run around the forest like Euell Gibbons, eating bark or something?" -- Roddy Piper

 

"Thats where he had the word "Goodyear" dermabrased off." -- Jim Cornette on Dusty's splotch

 

"When we're done with you' it'll look like we set fire to your face and put it out with an axe!" -- Road Warriors

[Guest Besus]

You think your real funny making fun of me? Why dont I just go out their and Slap the piss out of you,You little punk-Owen Hart

 

Im sick and damn tired of watching you walk around with that WWF Championship belt-Vinnie Mac

 

If anyone can smell what The Rock is cooking it's me,Look how big my damn nose is-Jason Sensation?

 

Enough is Enough and It's time for a change,So what? No one listens to me.No one gives a damn what I think-Owen Hart

 

Eh Jackass,Yeah you in the black.Is the son of a bitch still breathin? Well they said the son of a bitch is still breathin.If you want me to open up a can of woop ass,Give me a hell yeah!-Stone Cold

 

 

Dearly,Trailor Park Trash.We are gathered here today to celebrate the lost of the biggest foul mouth,beer swillin,finger jestering,Piece of monkey crap that has ever graced Gods green earth-The Rock

 

Hogan your not Immortal,Your a Obstacle and I will run you down-HHH

[Jobber of the Week 0]

The scene: Hulk slammed and pin Andre. As they say in the commercials, "the world stood in awe." Then suddently Jesse Ventura mouths off with:

 

"You know, Gorilla, I might have to come out of retirement and win that World Title."

Did he say that after the Andre match? I know he said that after the Savage match at WM V.

I know he said it at III. I have that show on a custom-made DVD.

[jester 0]

"I have been medically cleared to wrestle."

 

-Kevin Nash, shortly before the shortest comeback ever.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

The thing I love about Jericho introducing the cruisers at Slamboree was as he sat and ran down Johnny Swinger .... Swinger was making the "i'm gonna win the belt" motion across his waist at the camera...

 

I just laugh my ass off at that every single time I see it...

[Guest Stunt Granny]

"I once had a guy give up during instructions." Bobby H.

 

Bobby H: You wanna know why they're chanting USA?

Gorilla M: Why?

Bobby H: Rumor has it Indiana's a foriegn country.

Gorilla M: IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!

 

Gorilla M: Always that smell of formeladhyde whenever the Undertaker's around.

Bobby H: I thought that was your colonge, you only buy that stuff so you can get the free comb.

 

(Rock with Mr. Socko during Halftime Heat)

"No, no don't put me in the oven-AHHHHHHHH"

 

Heyman: If ya smell what the Book is cookin'.

Ross: I'm begging you to come up with something original.

Heyman: You gotta quit that begging thing.

 

"Hollywood's gonna lay the smack down on his crippled ass NWO style!!"

 

"The napkin is not your enemy" Regal

 

"You know the Road Doggy Dog and Bad Ass Billy G. be doin' it DOGGY STYLE~!...........not with each other I didn't mean it like that.

 

Monsoon: The Hulkster been in there for half an hour.

Ventura: Monsoon, he's been out there for five minutes!!